Chapter 12

Louisa raised her hands to his chest to stop him, but forgot all her objections the moment his lips touched hers. All she could think of was him. Him and these powerful attraction between them. As his mouth slanted across hers to gain deeper access, she reeled at the force of the emotions surging through her. She had never felt a desire like this. It came from somewhere deep inside and it astounded her. 

The moment he felt her resistance slip away, his hands slid around her back to cradle her more tightly against him. His mouth devoured her, possessed her and yet, he wanted more. He was barely aware of speaking when he implored her, "Kiss me, Louisa."

Her hesitation was brief and then she was clinging to him, her lips hot and hungry. 

Buck felt Louisa shudder as their tongues dueled. He was dimly aware of hands fisted on his hair, soft womanly curves pressed to his hard body, mouth wild and willing beneath his.

Still he wanted more. He slammed her back against the barn wall, pinning her body with his. He heard her cry out in surprise but he devoured the sound, devoured the hot pants of breath coming from her. 

Now free, his hands roamed her body possessively -- sliding down her back, cupping her breasts, circling her tiny waist. They were impatient and invasive. They made her body hum with restrained desire.

For a brief eternity, nothing mattered for Buck and Louisa as they gave in to the passion that had been simmering within since the first time they laid eyes on each other more than a year ago. No husband, no wife. No past, no future. They were dimly aware of the consequences of their action, they knew they were going to pay for this moment of abandon with an eternity of guilt and pain. But for one delirious moment nothing mattered. 

Her moans filled his mouth. Please, please, she begged but she had no idea what she was asking. Stop. Don't stop. She sought release, but from what she didn't know.

He wanted nothing more than to tear her clothes, to feel her soft skin against his, to lose himself inside her silky warmth, to hear her when she went over the edge with him.

His hands made their way to the top of her shirt, ready to rend the fabric free from the buttons when he realized where they were, who they were.

Slowly, he pulled his head back and stared into green eyes clouded with passion. He watched until realization dawned on her as well. Buck held Louisa away from him with unsteady hands and took a step back. His face was pale, his eyes hard and stark. Only the sound of their rapid breaths disturbed the silence as he fought to regain control of himself. His voice was still rough when he spoke. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to--" he broke off, unsure what to say. He dragged his hands across is hair. "Did I hurt you?"

Louisa shook her head. How could she tell him of the horrible, pulsing ache inside her that screamed for release? Unconsciously, she raised a hand to wipe the tears that threatened to spill. 

"You are hurt." Shaken, Buck stepped forward but stopped when Louisa's hand shot up to block his approach.

"Louisa, believe me, I didn't mean for this to happen. I would never take advantage of any woman, especially the wife of a friend. I ... lost my head. It will never happen again." The apology sounded useless even to him. He had crossed a line. 

Louisa merely nodded but didn't look at Buck, missing the anguished expression in his face. Without another word, he left the stall. The only sound Louisa heard next was the closing of the barn door. 

***** 

Dappled sunlight played across little Peter's face and body. Lou had placed the infant on top of a thick blanket she spread under a tree, while she breastfed his twin sister. It was late afternoon. Jamie and Marylou ran around them, occasionally stopping for a bite of cookie or a sip of lemonade before returning to their game. Three ranch hands stood nearby, guns cocked, looking out for approaching trouble. There hadn't been any attacks but nobody was dropping his guard. Even Lou was ready, she had a shotgun and a pistol beside her. 

Louisa sat nearby, twirling an autumn leaf in her fingers, occasionally tickling Peter with it. She had been at the ranch for six weeks and she had seen the leaves on the trees turn from lush green to glorious red and orange. Two more weeks, she thought. Two more weeks and Cody will return to take me away. 

She wanted to leave K&L. Leave all the emotions, all the memories it had no right giving her. She didn't want to think about her wanton behavior, kissing a man who wasn't her husband. Responding to him like she had never responded to her husband.

She replayed the scene in her mind, trying to convince herself that Buck pushed her, left her no room to say no. But, remembering his whispered plea and her response, she knew she was lying. 

Passion was a stranger to her childhood home. The only time her father showed any kind of emotion was when he was in the pulpit delivering his fire and brimstone message. Her mother, a saint of a woman, kept to her prayers and her needlework. She herself had been taught o repress her emotions. A naturally animated child, she had suffered scores of tongue-lashing and whipping before learning decorum.

Louisa knew she should be eager to go home, away from the disturbing feelings Buck had awoken in her, away from temptation. And yet, there was a part of her that was more eager to explore this new sensation -- the part of her that had not been tamed by her father's bible and belt. She had never felt lost control like that before. No one told her feelings like that existed -- glorious pain mingled with intense pleasure.

She stayed away from Buck, and he from her. He had interpreted her silence that morning as anger. In truth, it was shame that kept her from speaking. Shame for what happened, shame for yearning for his touch, the feel of his hands on her body, his lips beneath her own. Louisa felt herself blush as the memories washed over her. 

"You look hot."

Louisa's eyes flew open. "What?" She stared at Lou in shock. Did her friend read her mind?

"Have some of this cold lemonade," Lou offered. "It's supposed to be a bit cooler now, but it's warmer than Teaspoon's hothouse. That's why I brought the babies out." 

She gently set Susannah on the blanket beside Peter, before buttoning up her blouse. She eyed her friend with concern. Louisa had been behaving oddly recently. Lou chalked it up to her excitement over Cody's imminent return. "Are you all right?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Louisa responded. "Aside from those long naps I can't seem to get enough of, I feel perfectly fine."

"Ahhh, the joys of pregnancy. I remember being terrified when Jamie was coming out. Kid was a wreck, he kept mumbling to himself." Lou smiled conspiratorially at Louisa. "Buck calmly took over. He ordered Kid to get the doctor. Had to shake him a few times to get him to listen, though. Then he prepared me for labor."

"Prepared you?" Louisa asked weakly.

"Boiled water. Tore some cloth into strips. Talked to me and calmed me down." Lou's eyebrows knotted into a frown. "What did you think I meant?"

"I thought Buck actually helped you give birth," Louisa mumbled in embarrassment.

Lou laughed, "He could have. He once helped a stranger give birth. The woman wanted to name the baby after him, but Buck asked that he be named after Ike instead."

Louisa smiled at that. "Ike must have been really special to him."

"They were the best of friends."

"Who was yours?"

"Kid, of course," Lou quipped. Then added softly, "And Jimmy."

Louisa smiled, remembering Buck's story of fist fights between Kid and Jimmy. "Cody? Who was he closest to?"

Lou thought hard. Cody was friendly, but he didn't seem particularly close to anybody. Not like the way Buck was to Ike, or she was to Kid and Jimmy. Then Lou remembered Noah, and how devastated Cody was when he was killed.

"I would say he was closest to Noah. I'm not sure if they were the best of friends," Lou confessed, "but Noah had more patience with Cody than any of us. And he saved Cody's hide from Teaspoon several times."

Louisa's brow furrowed as she struggled to remember who Noah was. "Is Noah colored? Tall, lean nd handsome? Carries a whip"

Lou's face brightened at the apt description, "Yes."

"Cody has a picture of him in his saddlebag. He carries it wherever he goes. I asked him about it once, he just said it was Noah but never talked much about him," Louisa said, a hint of wonder in her voice. 

"He died in Cody's arms after a gun fight with Southern raiders," Lou said quietly.

Why did he never share that with me, she thought. What else didn't I know about my husband?

Lou watched the play of emotions in her friend's face. She didn't need to be told that Louisa was hurt. She reached across and gently squeezed Louisa's hand. "I'm sure he didn't mean to keep secrets from you. Cody is just--" Lou didn't know what to say without seeming too critical of her friend.

"Thoughtless, at times," Louisa finished. She bowed her head thinking of the man she'd been married to for two years. With his adventures and army assignments, their time together hadn't amounted to more than half a year. 

She raised her head to see Lou picking Peter up and playing with him. Her friend had the look of a woman who knew she was loved well. Louisa felt a pang of envy. It must be wonderful to know you are first in your husband's heart, she thought. Not for the first time, Louisa wondered if she and Cody truly loved each other. 

Louisa watched Lou intently, debating whether to confide in her or not. She had no other women friends and had never talked about her relationship with anyone. I just want to know if I'm doing anything wrong, she argued with herself.

"Lou?" she began tentatively. 

"Hmmm," came the response.

"How did you know Kid was the one?"

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