Chapter 1

Kansas 1868

Tiny pink rosebuds fluttered as Louisa pulled back the floral curtain. She angled her head to get a better view of the two figures talking near the white picket fence. She couldn't hear what was being said, but then she didn't need words to understand. She had witnessed a similar scene too many times. A soldier rushes to deliver a note for her husband, hurriedly packs his saddlebags, gives her an absent-minded kiss and rides off to follow whatever adventure the army has for him. She had seen it happen with sickening regularity, and each time the pain cut right through her heart. 

But he can't leave, she thought desperately. Not now when I need him most. Her heart began to pound loudly at the thought of Cody saddling his horse, riding out of their home, leaving her behind. Louisa was fully aware of the danger in every army mission Cody took. Didn't he tell her of that time when the army asked for the help of the Pony Express and used him as a decoy without his knowledge? She never understood why he decided to become a scout when he knew just how devious and deceitful army officials could be. She couldn't remember how many times she had woken up in the middle of the night, caught in a terrible nightmare that her husband would never return to her alive.

Suddenly, Louisa felt the fabric tear and realized that she had been gripping the curtain too tightly. Slowly, she unclenched her fingers, letting the curtain drop to its natural folds. Just before it obscured her view, she saw the soldier hand a letter to Cody. Her body froze. It's true then, what she feared. There was another mission for her risk-loving husband.

She had never asked Cody to stay. She had never interfered in his business and she had no intention of starting now. Besides, she knew better than to question a man's decision or to argue. Her father, with a thick leather belt on one hand and a bible on the other, had seen to that.

Louisa lightly caressed her abdomen. Her stomach was flat but the doctor said it would grow big and round during the next seven months. Her eyes misted as she remembered how happy she had been when she learned she was carrying a child. A boy, she thought, with hair the color of sunshine and blue eyes twinkling with mischief. Or a little girl, she thought excitedly, with red curls like mine and ruddy cheeks.

How could he leave knowing I need him by my side, Louisa despaired. She recalled how Cody had crazily spun her around the room when she told him the good news. He had been so excited he wanted to ride out to the telegraph office and tell all his friends of his and Louisa's good fortune. Louisa managed to persuade him to delay spreading the news. Barely. A simple kiss led to a night of gentle lovemaking. She had woken in the middle of the night and felt Cody's feather-like caress on her stomach.

A sweet calm settled on her as the memories of that wonderful evening washed over her. Maybe it would different this time. Maybe Cody returned the letter and refused the assignment so he could stay with her and their child. Hope and anticipation mingled so sweetly. With an optimistic heart, she made her way to kitchen to prepare breakfast.

*****
Cody read the letter several times as the soldier waited impatiently beside his horse. He thought about letting the man inside the house for a sip of cold water, but he didn't want to see Louisa until he made a decision. Ignoring the restless horse and the equally fidgety soldier, Cody read the letter again. It's not that he didn't understand the letter. He just needed the time to think. The army needed his scouting skills once more. He had worked for them after he left the Pony Express, but when he got married two years ago he decided to go into a safer and more profitable business. He went to work for the Kansas Pacific Railroad as a buffalo hunter, supplying meat to the men who labored on the railroad tracks. He was so good at it that he shot and killed 4,280 buffalo in a year's time, earning the nickname 'Buffalo Bill'. But adventure lured him back into the service, and now duty calls once again.

Cody glanced at the bedroom window but there was nobody there. Louisa, he knew, was watching earlier. He didn't see her, but she felt her worry and anxiety. He imagined her pleading, "Don't go, Cody. Don't leave me and our child."

Our child. My child. A son or a daughter of my own, Cody thought with pride. He wanted to see Louisa's womb swell with his child. He wanted to see her eyes light up when she feels he child move. He wanted to be there and when the baby makes his first kick. And he most wanted to be there beside Louisa when his child made his painful entrance into the world.

You could still be there, a voice in his head pointed out, the army said it will only be for a couple of months.

Cody sighed and read the letter one last time. Two months. That was all the time the army said it needed to track down an elusive group of Comanches. He felt a twinge of guilt when he remembered that his good friend Buck Cross was an Indian, but he firmly pushed the feeling aside. Time enough to deal with guilt later. For now, he should work on how to tell Louisa he decided to give in to the army's request.

He had enough time to return and be with her during the last months of her pregnancy. With the money he'll make, they will be able to buy nice things for the baby. One of those dainty clothes he'd seen in the expensive shops in St. Jo. Maybe even one of those heavy-looking, hand-carved cribs. His spirits buoyed, Cody entered his house.

*****
Louisa was sliding fried eggs into a warm plate when Cody entered the kitchen. With one look she knew her husband had made his decision. Hastily, she turned around so Cody will not see the tears which threatened to spill. "Louisa--" Cody began.

"You better eat. Your food is getting cold. Do you want me to make you sandwiches for the ride to the army post? It's a pretty long ride," Louisa rushed, the words tumbling over each other in her haste. Without waiting for his response, she continued, "If you leave now, you'll get there before dark. I've washed your favorite coat and even sewed some of the loose fringes back on. You'll have to be careful, though. That coat is really old and--"

"Sweetheart..." Cody implored.

"You'll be fine. I was in town yesterday and I saw the newspaper in the mercantile. There hasn't been a lot of Indian activity in the area lately. You will be safe. Nothing will happen to you." Louisa went on as if she didn't hear her husband. Her voice was cracking with emotion and she had no idea what she was saying. All she wanted was to delay the inevitable good-byes.

Cody came up from behind and closed her arms around his wife's shaking body. He tried to soothe her, murmuring assurances of his return, vows of eternal love and promises to stay out of trouble. But nothing could stop the torrent that was unleashed in Louisa. Her fear, pain, worry, all came out in a draining rush of emotions. When she finally subsided and hiccups replaced her tears, Cody led her to the table and sat her down.

Her eyes and nose were red, her peaches and cream complexion was a tad blotchy and her fiery red hair was swept in a tangled knot at the back of her head, but Louisa had never appeared more beautiful to Cody.

"It pains me to leave you. Believe me when I say that," Cody said as he gently wiped his wife's tear-stained face. "There's nothing I would like to do than sit here with you and wait for our child. But I've got to work. We need the money, especially now that we have the baby coming."

When Louisa didn't say anything he continued, "It'll only be for two months. I'll be back before you know it. And--" An idea flashed in his mind and he smiled sweetly at his wife. "And I won't leave you alone by yourself. No, ma'am. I've got myself a great idea!" 

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