Eligible Bachelor

By BJ Carter

Rating: A four letter word or two, birds and the bees, ladies of the evening, still probably a "G"

A thank you for the loan of the characters you gave birth to for us.

For the past three weeks the boys had been at the ranch just like Pa had told them to be, same thing day in day out, learning one of Pa's lessons could be very hard on your nerves. Of course all of Pa's lessons were hard on something. Little Joe telling them time after time what a great party they missed at the McNally's was grinding on them, too. Pa sure seemed to have a great time, too Joe told them more than once. All the unattached ladies were after him to dance or talk, Little Joe had told them over and over again. Oh, he did mention that Molly was not at the party, of course he did, something about her have to stay in her room that evening still recovering from a quilting bee...

Funny thing though, ever since Pa had got back from that party he had been the one acting different. He seemed jumpy, and he also had not gone into town every other day the way he normally did. Only once, to get the mail and a quick town meeting, but he was back in no time at all acting very suspicious. The boys were beginning to notice and whisper to each other. "What is wrong with Pa?"

***

That morning early, Pa had got up and dressed and was drinking his coffee out on the front porch. The boys had managed to get up, and were eating breakfast when he finally came back into the house. "Little Joe get ready we have to go to town for a few things, and a council meeting." Pa said. "Awe, Pa, I don't really want to go, those meetings are boring and I wanted to go fishing this morning with Hoss, as long as it is on the ranch," Joe replied with a sideways grin at Hoss. "I said get ready, and I am not going to repeat it," Pa said through his teeth. Joe quickly obeyed and didn't open his mouth again.

"I don't know when I have seen Pa act like this," Adam said to Hoss.

"Me neither, it is almost spooky," Hoss responded.

"Did you see the way Joe shut-up this morning?" Adam asked, "now that's spooky." Hoss just laughed and went in to the barn to check on the stock. The more he thought of it though, Adam wondered what Pa was thinking about, what was making him so antsy.

When Joe and Pa had got back to the ranch, Pa got off the wagon and turned to Adam, "Put up the team." was all he said, went in the house and straight to his room and closed the door. That did it, something was wrong. Adam caught Little Joe's arm and pushed him into the barn, Hoss came around the stall just as they came in. "All right, little brother, what happened in town to set him off?" asked Adam.

Little Joe just looked at him, "Nothing."

"Don't give me that, there has got to be something wrong, who did he talk to, where did you go, what did he say, what did YOU do? Adam asked this time with a great deal of force behind his words.

"I told you, nothing," Joe answered again. "We went in to town, we stopped at Aunt Ruth's and he went in and gave her our list, we went straight over to the town hall and he and the others talked about a school and church being built, and how adults in this town handled the party you guys went to, what they were going to do to raise funds to build up Eagle Station, you know boring stuff, then we went back to the store, loaded up the stuff and came home." Joe ran down the list.

"Maybe it was the reminder of the party," Hoss picked up on that part of Little Joe's list, "what did they say about that?"

"Oh, just how mad most of the parents were, and how that sort of thing can lead to more trouble, and Jack Wolfe added the wives in town being mad about the party had kept their husbands out of his saloon and it was costing him money." "Pa wasn't to happy about that remark, he told him money was not the issue in this problem." "Mr. Wolfe made the statement that Pa would not be so concerned if two of his son's hadn't been involved." "That is when Pa ended the meeting and they all left out, probably to keep Pa from punching Mr. Wolfe." Joe finished.

"I guess Jack embarrassed Pa talking about us," Hoss said.

"Yeah," Adam replied, "I wish he had kept his damn mouth shut, for our sake and Pa's mood."

About that time Hopsing called them in for supper, before Joe could comment about Adam's language. Pa sat in his place at the head of the table, not saying much more than pass the bread after he said grace. Adam and Hoss were quite content not talking, they had no desire to upset Pa or bring attention to themselves if they were the ones he was mad at. But, Joe on the other hand could not keep still. He had rambled on about everything he could think of to talk about, Pa had endured about all he could stand, and suddenly Joe came out with, "Hey, Pa who was that woman that stopped you when we were loading up the supplies?" EUREKA

Pa looked at Joe like he wasn't sure what he had asked and then very slowly said, "She is a friend of Angus', remember she was at the party the other night."

"Awe Pa," Joe said, "you were with so many ladies the other night, I couldn't keep up."

"Well," Pa answered now speaking very quickly, "she was one of them, and she just wanted to say hello, now close your mouth and eat the rest of your supper, I am going to bed." That said he was up and in his room before anyone had the chance to react, or for Little Joe to spout off about not being able to eat if he closed his mouth.

Girl problems, could that be the problem, was Pa interested in a woman he just met? Adam made a note to talk to Hoss about this, just as soon as Joe was asleep and couldn't ask so darn many questions. The more he thought of it he kinda wanted that to be the problem, after all that could get Pa's mind off of what he and Hoss had done, and maybe Pa would lift their punishment. Even a few days would be nice, but he knew that could never happen, Pa had never done it before. But no law against wishing though, was there?

***

That night as they lay in their beds, Adam asked Hoss, "Is Little Joe asleep yet?"

"I think so, breathing is regular, but, wait a second, Joe did you know Pa wears polka dot underwear?," he waited, "Ok Adam if he didn't giggle he's asleep, that always gets him for some reason."

"Did you notice Pa's reaction to Joe's question about the woman in town?"

Adam asked, "that could be what is wrong with Pa."

"How do you figure that?" Hoss whispered, "I still don't see it."

"Look, Pa a normal, health, man," Adam answered, "no matter how much he loved Ma, all our Ma's in fact, he still might like some female companionship in his life." "I am not saying he is ready for a new wife, just someone to talk to other than three sons and Mr. McNally."

"Ok, how do we fix it, and should be butt in anyway?" Hoss asked.

"I am not sure, give me some more time to think about it, go to sleep now, we have to be up for church early tomorrow, one more week of the being on ranch left, you never know how much you want to go somewhere 'til you can't." said Adam. He heard Hoss just that quickly start snoring, it took a little longer for him to get to sleep.

***

The next morning Pa was up and shouting for them to come to breakfast. As breakfast was ending, Hopsing's hotcakes and homemade sugar syrup, Pa told them he would not be going with them this morning to services. "Why not Pa?" Joe asked. The other boys just looked at him and shook their heads, he will never learn to keep his mouth shut.

"I don't have to explain myself to you Joseph, but I have a few thing that must be done this morning. You go on and don't be late." Pa answered his mood slightly darkened by being asked.

"But you always tell us that church comes first on Sunday, even before personal stuff or work." Joe could not leave it alone still pushing.

Adam to the rescue, "Joe, let's GO." He grabbed his little brother, pitched him up on his shoulder and took off for the front door. Hoss was right on their heels. Adam noticed that Pa must have been up very early, all three of their horses were already saddled and read for them to go.

He put Joe up on Paint and headed over to Beauty. By the time he was mounted Hoss was right by his side. Pa came out of the house, "straight to church and back boys, no horsing around." This was Pa's way of reminding Adam and Hoss that they were still not out of the doghouse for the party, yet. "Yes sir, came three voices together as they headed out for town."

The boys got to town a little early, this was good, it gave them a chance to talk to some of the others that were at the party. It appeared from their conversations that no one got away without some punishment for the unscheduled party at Tess'. But all were in agreement that it was a great party and "someday" they should do it again. Little Joe took off the minute they got to the church saying he was going to find some of his friends and get a marble match set up for after church. The church bell rang and all entered.

As the townsfolk broke up from church the three Cartwright horses were still standing in front of the church. Adam had gone over to talk to Mr. McNally for a minute, Hoss went his way and Joe headed they thought to his marble game. Church had been over a good 45 minutes before Adam got back to Beauty and he started looking around for his brothers. Hoss was the first to get back. "Where have you been, Pa's going to out looking for us and skin us alive if we don't get back before lunch time?" Adam yelled.

"I know that, but I had a errand to run, where is Little Joe?" Hoss asked to turn big brother's attention elsewhere. "I don't know, but he better hurry!" Adam answered.

As if on cue, Little Joe came running down the street from the store.

"Where have you been, we have been waiting for you, and you know we have to go straight home," Hoss' turn to yell at a little brother.

"I don't have to worry about that, I can leave the ranch, remember,"Joe answered as smart and sassy as he could.

"Pa said "all of us" remember, now get on that horse, before I put you on it," Hoss shot back. Joe didn't like it much, but he did what he was told. Off they went toward the ranch.

As they rode in, there was Pa's horse saddled and ready to go somewhere.

"I though I was going to have to go after you three," Pa said in an irritated tone.

"No sir, things just went a little long is all," Adam said half looking Pa in the eye and mostly trying to duck into the house as quickly as possible. "Got to get our clothes changed Pa, then we will be back to tend the horses." As soon as he went in to the house Adam went over to Hopsing and spoke quickly and quietly. Hopsing nodded and Adam went into the bunk room.

***

As the boys were changing, Adam looked over at his brothers, "Don't get to casual, I asked someone to have lunch with us, she should be arriving in a few minutes."

"Who, did you ask, Molly?" Joe asked.

"You know she is still on restriction, smart ass," Adam answered.

"Once again before Joe could make a comment about his language he added, "I asked the lady who you said talked to Pa in town, her name in Lesley Baker, she has just moved here from New England and is a 'ol friend of the McNally's." "Her husband died in some kind of an accident last year and she is living here for awhile before going to California, at least that is what Angus told me at church today." "When I asked her she was happy to come to the ranch for lunch." "I though I would surprise Pa."

Hoss looked a little sick. "What's the matter with you." Adam asked. "Pa is going to be very surprised, I asked the widow Martin to come to lunch, too." Hoss told Adam. "She makes those good rolls, and sweetbreads, said she would bring some soon as she got home and could get here."

"Hoss she is way to old for Pa!" Adam erupted. "This is just great!."

"Yeah, well what do you think he will say about three girls?" Joe asked as quitely as he dared and still be heard. "I asked Miss Betty Grady."

Hoss' eyes got big as they could, "One of the a-- the a-- the a-a-a ladies that work for Jack Wolfe?" "And why would you ask someone today of all days?"

"She is pretty, and she was very glad for the invitation, too." "I think she was happy to get to go somewhere besides back to Jack's hotel." said Joe innocently. "Besides last night you guys said Pa needed some female company."

Adam looked at him, "You were eavesdropping again, weren't you, and by the way that's Mr. Wolfe to you not Jack."

"Hoss, I stopped laughing at Pa's having polka dot underwear a long time ago," Joe said.

"Well, I hope Pa hasn't stopped laughing when this day is over," Adam added. "And I hope he still has three sons that can laugh, and sit down."

"Damn, I thought we were getting out of the frying pan, now we are in the fire! Adam thought but this time but didn't say it.

The boys went outside and had just got the stock tended and the horses put away, when they caught sight of the first buggy making its way to the ranch house. "Did you two tell Hopsing you had invited guests to lunch?" Adam asked.

"I did." Hoss replied. But Joe took off to the house, "must have forgot," Hoss added as they watched him run into the house.

The first to arrive was Harriet Martin. As she pulled up Pa came from the house with a questioning look on his face. "Benjamin," she said, "it was nice of you to ask your son to invite me to lunch." Hoss was standing there by that time to help her with the baskets of rolls and sweets she had promised to bring and to help her out of her buggy.

"Well, of course you are always welcome, Harriet," Ben told her. He looked over at his sons, who seemed very quiet at the moment. "How are things with you?" he asked, not knowing what to say as they went into the house.

"Just fine, I promised Hoss I would stop by the house and bring a few goodies with me, I hope I did not keep you waiting," she said, "that was one thing my third husband Maxwell could not stand was to be kept waiting."

That answered the question of who asked her to lunch when she mentioned Hoss, but why was the next question Ben wanted answered. In side the house Hopsing was busy in the kitchen getting ready for three unscheduled guests, he was very happy to see the food that was brought in by Hoss it would make the task a bit easier. He must ask that from now on someone tell him a little sooner that they were bringing home that many extra mouths to feed.

They did not have to wait much longer, into the front yard the second buggy appeared, this one containing Lesley Baker. It was Adam's turn to help the lady from her buggy and let Pa know about their second "guest" for lunch. "It appears that my sons have been busy in town this morning, welcome Lesley, do come in and join us." Pa said giving a cutting edge look at Adam. "I will make sure your horse is ok, and I will be right in," Adam said quickly moving our of Pa's eye shot.

"Well, Lesley, how have you been," Pa said as he escorted her into the living room to join Hoss and Harriet Martin.

"She's here," Joe announced as he heard the last of the buggies pull into the yard. Pa was now getting more antsy by the minuted, he was running out of small talk and now he had to go out and see what third son was talking about. It was Pa's turn to get big eyed when he saw Miss Betty Grady standing beside her buggy in her emerald green dress that left very little to the imagination. The yellow boa did nothing to hide the "lady's" obvious charms. "Howdy, Miss Grady," Joe said, "welcome to the Ponderosa."

One saving grace for Pa was when they got inside Hopsing was announcing that dinner was ready. They all moved in to the kitchen area. Each lady moved to be seated next to Ben. The boys scurried around with the chairs and finally got everyone seated. Pa at the front, Miss Grady to one side and Mrs. Martin on the other. Next came Hoss next to his guest and Joe next to his. Adam sat near the end of the table, which only left the open end to Lesley Baker. Hopsing elected to serve and eat later. The only one who seemed to be appreciating the humor in all of this was Lesley. Every time Ben looked up at her she seemed to be telling herself a joke. The smile on her face could have broken into a laugh at any minute. Pa the other hand was not amused.

The conversation at the table was vary varied. Mrs. Martin had been married four times and had buried all four husbands. She said she knew how difficult it was to lose someone and kept giving Ben looks of compassion. "Benjamin, I know how hard it is too, to raise children alone and get by each day wanting to have that special someone to share your day with," she was saying, "my two children are grown now and living in Sacramento, I have four grandchildren now." "Of course, they are from my first husband, Thomas, he was killed in a gunfight near the Ohio river by Indians." "I was only sixteen years old and had two small children." "But that is when I met Daniel, he was in the army assigned to help the settlers near the river that year." "Unfortunately he was killed by the Indians, two years later. Well at least she was impressing Joe with Indians and gunfights. She went on with her stories about husbands number 3, and 4 who was the latest casualty Henry Martin. It was all Ben could do each time she said "Benjamin" not to flinch. Oh, Hoss was going to hear about this. Hoss on the other hand was doing quite well with two rolls in his hand and doing what he loved to do "eat". Every once in a while he did look up at Pa, but mostly he just kept eating.

Miss Grady on the other hand was not so impressed by the tales of husbands coming from the other guest. She kept eyeing Ben, and a few times her foot gently moved up the back of Ben's leg. The first time Ben all most choked on the bite in his mouth. He turned a slight shade of red each time there after. But he really lit up when number three son said, "Hey, Pa doesn't Miss Grady have the prettiest eyes you ever saw?" Put on the spot Ben had no choice but to agree she had lovely eyes. This almost finished off Lesley at the end of the table. She had to quickly cover her mouth to keep from laughing right out loud. Joe just moved two steps closer to the top of Pa's hit list.

It was obvious that Mrs. Martin did not approved of the company sitting across from her, but being a lady she observed the proprieties. Lesley on the other hand seemed to just be enjoying herself, watching Ben squirm.

After the meal had finally ended, they moved back to the living room. Ben had hoped they would be ready to go away, but none of the ladies seemed to want to be the first to leave. The time seemed to drag on and on and the conversation followed suit. With each passing comment about a former husband, came a comment about some town where Miss Grady had "worked". Joe seemed to think all her traveling around was quite impressive. Adam and Hoss were beginning to watch the clock, with each passing minute they felt their future freedom fading fast.

Finally, Mrs. Martin looked at the time, "Oh for heaven sake, I must be going," she said as she sat her tea cup down. "I didn't realize how late it was getting, don't wish to wear out my welcome on the "first" time."

The group moved out to the yard to say goodbye to her, Hoss helped her back in her buggy. "Benjamin, this has been a lovely day, is there a chance I can return the invitation by asking you and your fine sons to lunch at my home next Sunday?" she ask as sweetly a possible.

"Well, a -a -a we were talking about a hunting trip next weekend, Harriet, I will let you know in plenty of time if we can accept your invitation next week," Pa said.

"All right, but of course you are always welcome, maybe if the boys go, you could come by yourself, Benjamin." she added.

"We will see, Harriet, thank you, have a save ride back to town." he said and popped the horse to start him off. Hoss could not help but feel that Pa was thinking of him when he smacked the backside of that horse.

"Well, Jack will be hot by the time I get back to town, too." said Betty as she moved over closer to her buggy. Pa went over to help her in and to his sudden shock just as she sat down on the seat she leaned over and planted a kiss on him, "that's for a nice time today, come by the hotel next week and I will show you my gratitude in a more personal way, free of course." With that she drove off toward town leaving Ben with his mouth open and all the former red color drained from his face.

"What did she mean "free" Pa?" Little Joe asked. Turning around he saw Lesley, this time she could not hold back she was laughing and holding her sides to keep from busting. "Angus told me you were a "ladies man" Ben, but now I have seen proof first hand," she said between bursts of laughter. The color came back full force to his face, and he just stood there not knowing what to do or who to yell at first.

Ben turned and walked straight at Lesley Baker. The boys weren't sure if he was going to punch her, or just run right over her. Just as he got right in front of her he stopped, turned, and went into the house. "Boys, I don't know what kind of an evening you are going to have, but you have made today a very enjoyable one for me." Lesley said. "I didn't know a man could turn that many shades of red." "Well, if you will help me in my buggy, I can't wait to get over to Angus' and tell him about my day. You will tell Ben how much I enjoyed the day, and thank him for me, I don't think now is the time for me to try to talk to him." With that and a wave of her hand she was off on the road to the McNally's ranch.

"I still don't see any problem with what we did," Joe was saying, "what made Pa so mad?"

"Little Joe, you will see the problem with what we did today when you get older, I just hope we all get to live that long once we walk back through that door into the house," Adam explained.

Slowly, Hoss opened the door and started into the house, close behind him was Little Joe, and bring up the end, brother Adam. What they didn't expect was the door to close behind them as they entered. There was Pa, he had pushed the door closed just as Adam was past it. "SIT DOWN."

The boys moved over to the sofa they had just recently purchased. First Adam, then Hoss, and on the end Little Joe. They sat on the edge of the seat, almost at attention, if they had been in the army. Backs straight, hand on their knees, looking straight ahead. Pa begin to pace back and forth in front of them, looking like some type of big cat, moving back and forth, turning at each end of the sofa.

"What the hell did you think you were doing with this little escapade, gentlemen?" he asked, but they knew he did not want an answer. This was going to be one of those, you know what you did, and I am just going through the motions of asking lectures. Suddenly, Pa just turned and went out the front door and slammed it.

"This is not good," Adam said, "when he is too mad to even yell at us, this is not good."

The boys just sat there. Once Joe started to get up, but Adam told him to stay put. "Pa isn't finished with us, and when he comes back in we better all still be right with he left us." "Hoss do you remember what this reminds me of?" Adam asked.

"The time we were in New Orleans and got caught in that emporium." Hoss answered.

"Right," Adam said, and began to remember the whole story.

Adam had been about 14, Hoss 11, and Joe 6. Pa had taken them into town to look around and do some shopping. He and Ma had gone off down the street to do some window shopping. The boys had been amazed at all the stuff they could see in the emporium window. Later that evening, they had snuck out of the house and went back to the store. The owner was just closing and they had hid out behind the counters until he had locked up and went out back to his home. They didn't expect that they would not be able to get out, they had though they could just unlock the door from the inside, and go home. But the owner had came back and padlocked the door from the outside. Once they were past the initial fear of being locked in they decided to enjoy what they came to look for in the first place, after all, all they had to do was tell everyone it was an accident that they got locked in, right?

The next morning found them looking up at a very angry store manager and a furious Pa and Ma. Adam was laying there covered in books, from every part of the book shelf, Little Joe had every toy in the story out where he had been playing with them, and Hoss had apple cores and penny-dreadfuls all around him. The lamps they had been using were out, and the sun was shining in from all sides. The next thing they knew they were sitting on a sofa much like today, holding their breath and waiting to see what Pa was going to say and even more dreading what he was going to do.

"Adam you don't think that he would do what he did then, do you?" Hoss asked remember that after about an hour of Pa yelling about responsibility, personal property, and disobedience, both of them ended up with one of the worst tannings they had ever got with Pa's razor strap, and Little Joe got put over Pa's knee and received a "serious" spanking. They also got the pleasure of cleaning up the emporium and working off the cost of damages the owner thought they owned. Apologizing was also part of the punishment.

"I don't think so," Adam said, "I am afraid this is more of a long lecture and what ever his resourceful mind can come up with type punishment." "You know like he did about the drinking." "But whatever he does it isn't going to be pretty, I can tell you that."

Pa came back through the door. "Stupid, you three have pulled some stupid stunts in the 21 years I have had the pleasure of raising you, but so far this one takes the cake." "I have never been so embarrassed for myself and the ladies you put through this in my life." It didn't seem like the time to tell Pa the ladies didn't seem to be all that embarrassed and Mrs. Baker seem to have enjoyed herself very much, or to point out that Pa had said "hell", so Joe kept quiet. "If I thought it would change anything, I would march each one of you out to that barn right now and start swinging, but I am not sure that would solve anything."

If you could hear in their heads, a collective sigh was made by each of the boys. Adam knew that if Pa could think of a good enough reason to take them outside he would not have hesitated and he was grateful that a reason had not occurred to him. At 21 he was sure Pa would have to see a very strong need for him to be given a tanning again, but he was still relieved Pa had not come up with one, yet. Hoss too, was grateful to hear those words from Pa. Adam was right though no good deed goes unpunished. Pa would still be thinking and he would just have to wait for the outcome of that.

Joe on the other hand was not as trusting as his brothers. He would not relax until Pa was calmed down, and did not have that "certain" look on his face. That look that most of the time meant that he would not be sitting down with the greatest of ease.

Pa looked at them and then said just a flat as he could so they would know that there was to be no discussion. "Go to your room, I will talk to each one of you separately later, this will give you time to think about today and be able to answer my questions." "GO"

The boys got up and eased their way around Pa and as quickly as possible went into the bunk room.

"What kind of questions do you think he will come up with, Adam?" Little Joe asked.

"I don't know, but I do know we better have the right answers or this may get real interesting all over again." Adam answered, and with that he went over and flopped down on his bunk, put his pillow on top of his face and did not move.

It seemed like they had been in their room for hours, when finally Hopsing called them to dinner. At first they didn't know if they should come out or not. Hoss finally peeked out to see Ben sitting at the table.

"Come on and eat boys," Pa said.

The three came out slowly and sat at their regular places. For some reason dinner was very quiet that evening, even Little Joe could not find something to say. Finally Pa asked what the sermon at been about this morning at church. "Some lady named Mary Maggie," Joe responded. Adam ducked his head to keep from laughing, lets see Pa get out of this one.

"I think her name was Mary Magdalene, Joe," he said, "and what did the parson say about her?"

"He kept calling her a fall'in woman," he answered, "at least until she met Jesus." "Why did she keep falling, Pa?" he ask in total seriousness.

Adam had began to control himself, but Hoss was not so inclined, his face got redder with each passing comment.

"He did not mean that she kept falling, Little Joe, he meant that she was a sinner and she kept repeating her sin." Pa explained. Good save Adam thought, must come from raising all of us and getting ask questions you don't want to answer.

"But Pa," Joe continued, "what was her sin?"

That did it Hoss was in a coughing fit, Pa told him to go outside and get some air. He moved as quickly as he could out the front door. The coughing got louder, mostly because Hoss could not control his laughter at the same time. Adam asked to be excused to go "check" on Hoss, Pa said, "go"

By the time the boys were back in control and got back into the house, Joe wasn't asking anything else. Pa gave them both very stern looks as they sat back down. "I must have swallowed wrong," Hoss tried to smooth things over, "but it's ok now."

"I am very happy to hear that, son," Pa said, "now lets finish dinner we have other conversations that need to be conducted this evening." That took the color out of the three youngest Cartwrights' faces in a hurry.

Dinner went without further incident. As soon as they were finished, Little Joe got up and started helping Hopsing with the dishes, without being told. Adam said something about needing to check on Beauty and left the house. This left Hoss and Pa at the table. "Well, son looks like your brother's have decided for us who goes first, shall we go into my room?" Hoss did not have time to do anything but get up and follow Pa into his room.

"First let me say that Mrs. Martin is a fine lady, and I am very happy to have her in our home, but what possessed you to invite her today son?"

"Pa, a- Pa, hummm a- Pa," Hoss didn't seem to be able to get started.

"You promise you won't get mad?" a question Hoss was very prone to ask his father at various times in his life.

"I promise," Ben said.

"Okay, it's like this, you promised now Pa," Hoss had to make sure.

"Spit it out son, I have two more waiting." Pa said a bit sharper than Hoss would have liked to have heard it. But knowing Pa was in a hurry kind of gave him the courage to talk, after all Pa did have two more sons to yell at he could not use up all his strength just on him.

"Pa, Adam says you are a "normal, healthy man" and you need female companionship." Hoss said, each word coming out a little faster than the last. "I just thought that the widow Martin would like to converse with you, too," he added and besides that, she bakes great!"

"Next question, what would possess Adam to make such a statement?" Pa asked.

"Well, Joe was talking about all the ladies you were with at the party over at the McNally's and we know that mostly all you ever see is Shelby and Mrs. Green, so we figured you might like to have someone new to be with, that's all." he said.

"Okay son, you can go." Ben said, much to Hoss' surprise gee that was easy.

Well Pa guessed he was strong enough now the first one was done, little did he know that the more sons he questioned the harder it would be.

"Tell Joseph he is next."

Adam had come back into the house and was sitting in the rocker with a book, Hoss did have the heart to tell him it was upside down. Both Adam and Joe looked at Hoss and waiting for what he had to say. "Little brother he wants you next." Adam didn't know if he was relieved or in the state of panic. Why was he last?

"Hi, Pa, you wanted me?" Joe tried to sound carefree, but he wasn't very successful.

"Sit down, Joseph," Pa said. Oh, Lord he called me Joseph.

"First let me say that Miss Grady is a, a, nice young a, a, person, and she is welcome in our home, but why did you ask her today?" What the boys didn't know was that Pa had to think very hard on what "questions" he was going to ask them, too. This is why he had sent them to their room in the first place to give him some time to prepare for these "talks" and of course to cool down a little bit. After all, he set such high store in telling them he never punished them in anger.

"Well, Adam said you were a "normal, healthy man" and you needed a woman in your life." Joe said. "Miss Grady is a woman, and she is awful pretty, so I asked her to come, and eat with us." Joe finished up.

Ben fought back the anger and red slowly covering his face, "Adam said I needed a woman in by life!"

"Well he said something like that Pa," he added quickly he didn't know where to go next so he added, "we know you miss Ma and of course we do, too, but you being a man losing a wife that's different than losing a Ma, ain't it?"

"Isn't it," Ben corrected automatically.

Ben was still in shock, "Little Joe, (oh good he is back to Little Joe, Joe thought) how do come to know Miss Grady, anyway?"

"Oh, she is a friend of Adam's," he answered, "I met her one day when he and I went to town for supplies." "I knew she lived in Jack's hotel, so I ran over after church an asked her to come." "She seemed very happy that you wanted to have her here at the ranch."

Each answer added more questions. "When did you start calling Mr. Wolfe, Jack, and what do you mean by 'a friend' of Adam's, and how did you know where she lived?"

"Mr. Wolfe told me I might as well call him "Jack" since I was asking out one of his girls, I don't know exactly what that means.... I knew were she lived because that is were Adam and I saw her, and I am not sure how she and Adam became friends," Joe answered each question the best he could.

"Pa, am I still in trouble?" Joe asked. "Yes, but that is all the questions I have for you right now." "Please send in Adam."

"Adam, I am not sure, but I think Pa is getting mad again, he wants you now," Joe reported as he came from Pa's room.

Adam got up and started toward his father's room, "What makes you think he is mad again, Joe?"

"He is all red again, and that place that pokes out on his neck when he gets mad is way out there right now." Joe answered. Adam could see he was not joking, he was serious, and now it was his turn. Adam tapped at the door, "Come in," Pa answered, and Adam walked inside.

"Here I am, Pa," suddenly Adam felt about half his age, Joe was right, Pa was not a happy man.

"Well son, as I have ask each of your brothers, what brought about your choice in lunch companions today?" the tone was anything but calm. "Your brother's have already told me that you feel I am a normal and healthy man, for which I thank you, and that I am in the need of a woman, so please be so good as to answer the same question."

"You know Pa, maybe it would just be easier on both of us if you would just shoot me, and put us both out of our misery," Adam said.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Pa roared.

"Sorry, just a little humor to lighten the mood, it works in some of the stories I have read." Adam tried to explain.

"This is not the time for humor, son, I want an honest, make that a truthful answer." he said remembering how the word honest had been used in the past by his sons. He tried for the third time to sit and listen to his son's answers.

"Joe was telling us about the party, where you were with several ladies, he also told us that you saw Mrs. Baker in town and had spoke with her there, so when you came home so "unhappy" we were concerned." Adam tried his best to sound very grownup even though he was not feeling like that in Pa's presence, "so I asked her to join us."

"Concerned about what, Adam?" Pa asked, the red was still there, but the bulge in his neck was smaller.

"Pa, we know you must get tired of only have us around, and the only women you seem to get to be with, although they are fine people, are not like Lesley. I mean after all Margaret is still in mourning over her husband, and well Shelby is is is well, Shelby." he said hoping this would end the questions.

Pa stood up, not a good sign and walked the length of the room, first....when did my sons start calling adults by their first names.

"Adam, I accept that you three were perhaps concerned for me, but let me point out that I have been in this world a lot longer that you three, and I am quite capable of taking care of my on love life!" he said as each word got a little louder. "I didn't mean love life..., well, by damned I did too, I got three wives with out any assistance from you boys, and I don't need it now, do I make my self clear?"

"Yes Sir," Adam answered, "very clear."

"Good, now it's late and we have work to do tomorrow, so you and your brothers, get to bed." "Oh, and by the way, I know you were to be off punishment after this week, but don't make any plans right away, and you can tell Little Joe he just joined you." The other shoe had fallen, as

Adam walked out of Pa's room, all he could think of was, "I KNEW IT". Adam went in the living room, "Pa says to get to bed, oh and by the way little brother, you get to join us in captivity."

"What does that mean?" Joe asked, "and did Pa's say damn in there, that is what it sounded like from out here?"

"It means, we all stay on the ranch, no one is going anywhere soon, and yes that is what he said, but if I were you I wouldn't repeat it again, at least were Pa can here you." advised Adam.

That night they could hear Pa pacing in his room, "Adam," Hoss said in a whisper, what is he doing?"

"Thinking of ways to kill us that wouldn't get him hung." Adam answered.

"Awe, Adam that's not funny!" Hoss shot back. Some how no one was appreciating Adam's humor tonight. All Adam could hope for was that Pa would work this out, and the third round of lectures would end this mess he had got himself into. As he lay there he thought, "Lord, get us through this one, and I promise never to match make again, never in a million years. Especially where Pa is concerned."

The night was long and the boys didn't get much sleep. Hoss kept dreaming about Pa on the witness stand saying how the boys all eating rat poison was an accident. Food was often in Hoss' dreams. Joe dreamed they were at the kitchen table and Pa was telling them all he had married again, but every time a lady walked by the table and kissed Pa it was a different one. Big, little, blonde, red, tall, short, and even one was an Indian.

Adam didn't do much better, but his problem was lack of sleep. He would close his eyes and see that bulge in Pa's neck, and up his eye lids would pop. He kept telling himself he had to get some sleep and stop worrying, Pa had always cooled off in the past, someday he would be able to leave the ranch again, just go to sleep.

The next morning at breakfast, Hopsing was busy at the fire, he looked up at Pa as he walked in, dark circles under his eyes, grabbing the first cup he saw and pouring himself some coffee. "Bad night Mr. Cartwright?" he asked. Since they had finally built Hopsing a small room attached to the backside of the house, he was not bothered by the activity the night before. The look of Ben's face made him equally sure that he had not wanted to be. "Hopsing take my word for it, don't have children, they are so sweet when they are babies, even when they start to walk, but eventually they start to talk and that is when the trouble starts." He moved over to the table.

It wasn't long before the three had emerged from their room and found their places. Like Ben, Adam and Hoss went straight for the coffee. Little Joe just kept his head down and started eating.

"Adam, Pa said, causing him to jump, "I want you to start work on that shed we have been talking about building behind the barn, with the cold weather coming we need to get the spot cleared and it built. We have too much clutter in the barn, this will give us a place for it. We have needed a real woodshed for a while now, too, one closer to the house than the barn so we can get to it in bad weather."

The word woodshed brought all three heads up, but nothing was said. 'Hoss,--"Yes sir, Pa", I will need you to go down to the area where we stacked all those trees we cut down and start bringing some of them up here to be cut for the sheds." Pa told him.

"Joseph, while they are doing those things you need to tend to the stock, take care of the milking, toss some hay to the horses in the corral out front, and take care of the chickens." Joe was not about to argue this morning that he did this everyday and Pa didn't have to remind him of his chores, better let sleeping dogs lie.

Adam was the brave soul who asked Pa what he was going to do today.

"First I have to ride over to the McNally's and apologize to Lesley for not being there when she left yesterday. It was not proper. Then I will be back to help you.

If only Little Joe could keep his mouth shut, "When you see Lesley are you going to ask her to visit again?"

Adam wished he was sitting at the other end of the table, maybe he should start sitting there anyway, Hoss wanted to crawl under the table. Pa just looked at him, very controlled, and said, "Her name is Mrs. Baker, and don't forget it again, do you understand me?"

"Yes, sir," said Joe "without a doubt." He didn't bother to ask about the second visit again.

Pa rode off to the McNally's leaving the boys standing in the front yard.

"Well, I guess he still hasn't decided what he wants to do with us, or he is just letting us sweat it out, again," Adam said.

"Not again, last time like to have killed me waiting for him to get it over with," Hoss lamented. "I had druther he just get it over with, gosh darn it."

"By the way Adam, when Pa said damn last night that reminded me, you have been using some very, what did Pa call it, oh, yeah, colorful language lately, too." Joe could not resist the opportunity to push at Adam now that Pa was gone.

"Little brother, you listen all to well to what you shouldn't hear, and never hear what you should," Adam told him, "now get to the chores Pa gave you, you make him any madder at us, and I will help him skin you live." With that he charged at Little Joe and his little brother took off running to the chicken coop. "You won't follow me in here, you don't like chickens and the "smell" is too familiar!" Joe was laughing so hard he nearly fell into the coop himself.

Ben rode up to the front of the McNally ranch house. Angus McNally was outside chasing one of his sons toward the barn. "Howdy you ladies man," he called out as Ben got closer.

"Shut up, Angus, I have enough problems without you adding to them," Ben countered. With that McNally let out a roaring laugh and started after his son again. "Lesley is in the house, go on in, I am taking your advise, been watching my children and this time I know what this one needs, go on in."

Ben didn't make it into the house, Lesley came out on the porch. Her bright yellow hair tied up in a long ponytail, wearing a yellow gingham check dress, Ben suddenly remember why he was there and stopped staring at her. "I came over to apologize Lesley for yesterday, I got so angry at those boys of mine, I forgot my manners. I should have been there to see you off, I am sorry." Ben said as he stepped up on the porch.

"Oh, Ben that is quite all right I had a delightful time, after all Adam invited me and he was there to see me off, are the boys still in one piece, or have you managed to chop off their heads yet?" she said with a crystal laugh that made Ben smile. She did have a beautiful laugh, he thought.

"They are still among the living, for how long I can't say, but right now they are working at the ranch, trying to guess what I am going to do to them next. Some times it is best to keep them guessing." he said.

"I know exactly what you mean, you see I have three daughters, in California, that is why I am on my way there. After my husband was killed four months ago, I sent them to live with my sister in Sacramento, I plan on joining them in another month. Angus was a partner and friend to my husband for many years and when he ask me to stay with him for a while I agreed. This is the first time I have been away from them this long, but I needed the time to adjust and make plans for the future. With them taken care of, I could work things out." she told him. "But I do know what you mean, my oldest is 18 and the other two are 16 and 13, I spend a lot of time dealing with their mischief, too." she said with that same laugh. "Would you care to come in, or sit down here on the porch?" she asked.

"Thank you, the porch would be nice, the sun feels good, and I am tired for some reason this morning, and may I add that the company would be a pleasant change," Ben answered.

Back at the ranch the boys were working hard at the chores Pa had left for them. "Hey, Hoss can you help me lift this tree trunk," yelled Adam from behind the barn. "Sure, big brother, just give me a second to get this harness on ol' Pete here." Hoss shouted back. As Hoss rounded the side of the barn, a pitchfork full of hay suddenly hit him on top of the head, "Dad burn it, Little Joe, watch what you are doing!" he yelled up to the loft in the barn.

"Sorry, didn't see ya," came back the answer from Joe. Joe came down the ladder from the loft just as Adam came around to see what was taking so long, "What do you think is keeping him?" Joe asked.

"I don't know," Adam responded, it wasn't hard to know he was talking about Pa. "Maybe he ran off and married Les... ah.. Mrs. Baker and we have a new ma."

"Dang it all Adam, you are not getting any funnier," Pa wouldn't do that...would he?" Hoss asked hoping that Adam was joking.

"Of course not Hoss, just if he did maybe he would be in a better mood, and we wouldn't be looking at this dark cloud that keeps hanging over us." Adam explained, "at least maybe she will put him in a better frame of mind and he'll come back happier than when he left." "Of course she could not except his apology and he could be madder when he gets back...." Adam trailed off. "Like I said big brother, you are not funny!" Hoss pushed Adam on the shoulder and said, "Let's go get that trunk moved."

Ben was in a better mood as he left the McNally ranch, Lesley was a fine lady and he would enjoy seeing her again when they went riding the next day, but first he had to deal with his well meaning, but unthinking children.

"Hey Adam, here comes Pa," Hoss said.

"How does he look?" Adam asked.

"Seems to be smiling, I think," Hoss answered.

Thank God, Adam thought, "Keep working," Adam reminded his brother in a whisper as Pa road up.

"Got the first load of trees here I see, well then, Joe how far have you got on your chores?" Pa yelled into the barn.

"Eggs collected, horses fed, milking done, just need to feed the chickens," Joe answered.

"Adam, you can handle the chickens, Joe and I are going after the next load of logs," Pa said.

"Awe, Pa you know those chickens hate me," Adam answered before he thought.

"Oh, I think a big boy like you can handle a few little chickens, can't you son?" Pa said hiding his smile as best he could. "Joe up in the wagon."

"What do you think that is all about?" Hoss asked Adam as Pa and Joe road away. "He must be going to talk to Joe first," Adam said, "now how would you like to help me with those chickens?"

As they road along, Pa was making small talk about the land and the weather, suddenly he asked Joe, "Son, what do you think goes on in Jack's hotel, the truth?"

"I'm not sure Pa, I know what the older kids say goes on there, but I never know if I should believe them are not." Joe answered.

"Well, some of it is probably true," Pa said, "Joseph, sometimes there are women who get themselves into a situation that forces them to do things they don't want to do. They then choose to work in a place like Jack Wolfe's. "It is not right, but most of them see no other way out of the situation they are in. Do you understand what I am saying?" Pa asked.

"Kind of like that lady the preacher was talking about Sunday, that Mary Maggie lady?" Joe said.

"Yes son a whole lot like her," he was relieved Joe seemed to be understanding with out him having to go into details, that would come soon enough, but if Pa could put off "that talk" for a little longer he would be grateful. "Betty Grady is one of those ladies," he said and she is I am sure a very nice lady, but she is ah, ah,...

"In a situation, Pa?" Joe finished for him.

"That's right," thank you Lord, Pa said to himself.

"Now even though we don't pass judgment on her or any of the other ladies that work for Jack, you will NOT go to that hotel again without me or one of your brothers, no, make that not without ME." Pa instructed.

"You will also check with me the next time you wish to bring home a guest." Pa said in a very flat tone. "I don't want any more surprises, is that understood, son."

"Yes, sir." he said, "now am I out of trouble?"

"Yes you are for now," Pa answered.

"Good so does that mean I can ask you one more question without getting back in trouble?" Joe said.

"Won't know until you ask, are you willing to take the chance?" Pa replied.

"What did she mean by "free"?" Joe asked. Pa started to turn red again, "never mind Pa, I think that question can wait a little longer." Joe said quickly.

"Good idea, son." Pa said as they drove on down to the log pile.

By the time they got back Hoss had began to clean the logs and split them for use in the new shed. "Joseph, go help Adam, Hoss and I can unload the wagon." "Okay, Pa!" Joe said as he run to help his brother.

Adam saw them pull up, but didn't stop working, "Looks, like your still able to be "sitting on the wagon seat", Adam said to Joe.

"Yeah, Pa's ok now, he just wanted to talk about the ladies at Jac..ah, Mr. Wolfe's place."

"What did he tell you," Adam asked.

"Oh, just I could not go there again with you, that's all, I'll be back got to get a drink." he said as he ran off to the well. Adam could feel the color run from his face, what the heck did he tell Pa about Miss Grady anyway?

"Hoss, we need to discuss a few things," Pa said. Hoss nearly dropped the end of the log he was carrying. "Mrs. Martin is a fine lady, and I like her as a person very much, but when you invited her to the house "for me" it gave her a different kind of meaning than you intended." Pa told him.

"What do you mean, Pa, all I said was Pa and us would like you to come to the ranch for lunch? Was that wrong?" Hoss asked.

"Well to a woman like Harriet, she got the wrong idea, yeah." Pa was trying hard not to say anything that would confuse Hoss. "You see son, after four husbands, no that's not right, you see son, Mrs. Martin would love to be married again, and when you included me in that invitation, she though I was ready to look for a new wife also, does that help?"

"But, all I wanted was a friend for you Pa, and she sure can make a good apple pie," he said.

"Yes son, but you have to be careful the way you word things, and careful with a woman, they can read things into what you say that aren't there. Just be careful in the future and let me make my on arrangements for a companion, okay?" Pa asked.

"Never again Pa, no matter how healthy and normal Adam says you are."

"Am I out of trouble with you, now?" Hoss said it so much like Little Joe Pa had to laugh. "Yes son, for now." They went back to work.

They stopped for lunch, and went to the back of the house to wash up.

"Hoss, Pa say much to you," Adam asked trying to get an answer before Pa came around the barn.

"Naw, he just wanted me not to try to fix him up with any more lady friends, I told him I wouldn't no matter how much you said he needed one." Having finished washing up, Hoss turned and went into the house.

Damn, with their help I may never leave this ranch, Adam thought, then another little voice came in his head, better stop thinking that word, it may come out of your mouth when you least expect it.

After lunch they all went back to work. This time Pa followed Adam to the back of the barn. "It's looking good back here son, by the time Hoss gets a few more boards ready we can start putting up the corner posts." Pa said. "Adam," Pa said as he looked at the back of his son, he could see the muscles tighten even through his shirt. Pa smiled and said once more, "Adam."

"Yes, Pa"

"You were right about Lesley, she is a very nice woman, in fact we are going riding tomorrow." Ben said. Ben could tell Adam's breathing seemed to be going back to normal. "During my talk with her this morning it seems we do have a great deal in common, she has three daughters."

"Three daughters," Adam repeated, "any chance we could meet them?"

The look on Pa's face told Adam his remark was not appreciated, he was going to have to work on humor, when and were to use it.

"Even though Lesley was very understanding about yesterday, and I think now your brothers understand the problem also, I want to make it very clear that I will not have you or them pulling a stunt like this again, do I make myself clear on that point, young man?"

"Oh, yes sir Pa, I think that message has been received, I have sworn off match making for ever." Adam answered as quickly as he could get the words out.

"Now I have only two more concerns to work out with you," Pa said. Adam thought he was off the hook, but now more questions, only two he almost said, but thought better of it.

"Why would you tell your two brothers I was looking for female companionship, and second exactly how did Little Joe come to know Miss Grady!"

"I didn't exactly tell them that, well, look Pa, Joe was running on and on about the party and how many women you were talking to, I simply said that you were a "normal and healthy" man and there was nothing wrong with it, that's all. Besides Joe was pretending to be asleep, I was only talking to Hoss, I didn't know he was listening." Adam tried to explain without adding he thought things might be better at times for them if Pa had a lady friend.

"I will speak to him about that, I have told him about eavesdropping before, maybe I should make my point with a little more force." Pa said about Joe. "Now the second item."

"A few weeks ago in town, some of the guys who hang around Jac...ah, the hotel, were in front of the store, Betty came by, sorry, Miss Grady came by and they started giving her a bad time. I didn't like it, and I had Joe with me, I didn't think he needed to hear what they were saying either, so I told them to stop. It got to be a shoving discussion, and I hit one of them, and knocked him down. Then we walked her back to the hotel. I didn't tell you about it because I know how you feel about fighting, and who she was, I also told Joe I would thump him if he told you, too." said Adam.

"Well that explains his knowing her, but son, anytime you feel someone is in need of your help or protection, no matter who she or he is, I want you to step in, peacefully if possible, but there are times when I know that is not the case. You were right in helping her, and in standing up to those men, I had rather Joe see you fight for something right than to know he has been listening to that trash." "But, next time tell me, it will go a whole lot easier in the long run." "I really don't like surprises." "And before you ask, yes you are out of trouble, this time, but only for this, you still have til the weekend on the other little experience."

How did he always know what I am going to ask, Adam thought, but kept it to himself.

That night at supper the mood seemed much brighter and back to normal in the Cartwright household. Just before Hopsing brought over their dessert, Pa decided to give the boys one more little bit of instruction. "I have talked to each of you, now I want you all to hear me one more time, I don't ever want another meal like the one we had Sunday, you will not invite guests with out clearing it with me, and you will be more careful as to who you ask to join us. We want our guests to be comfortable in our home and sometimes people are not happy to be in others presence. IS THAT CLEAR? Because if it is not, I may have to find another use for that woodshed we are going to build other than storing wood."

The boys all gave Pa their word something like this would never happen again.

"Oh, and Joseph, if I hear of you eavesdropping on your brothers, me or anyone else again, we will be spending time in that shed, too, is that clear?"

Joe looked puzzled, then realized what he was talking about, Adam must have told him about pretending to be asleep, well he would take that up with Adam later, but for now he just promised Pa he would watch it in the future.

Pa then announced that if they could manage to get the sheds up this week, and since no one was confined to the ranch after Friday, they could all go on a hunting trip this weekend. That was great news, and everyone was excited, even Hopsing said, "good, nice to see everyone happy hunting trip good idea I am running out of things to cook, with everyone in trouble around here, it is hard to plan a menu."

Saturday morning they stopped in town to pick up a few supplies for the hunting trip. As Ben started into the store, Harriet was coming out.

"Well, Benjamin, it looks like you were serious about the hunting trip," she said, sounding a little disappointed.

"Yes, we need to do some stocking up, never know when that first cold snap will hit. Maybe we can make it to lunch another time, Harriet," he said trying to sound convincing.

"Well, don't wait too long, you know I may be busy," she said as she strolled off towards her home. Pa was relieved.

While the boys were loading the supplies Ben went over to Shelby's for coffee, and to see if she had something a little stronger he could take with him, after all whiskey had other uses on a camping trip, it never hurt to have some for an emergency.

"Howdy, Ben, Shelby greeted him, haven't seen you in a month of Sunday's, where you been keeping yourself?" she asked.

"Busy Shelby, you know a ranch can't run itself. How about some of that hot coffee, before we set out and a pint of whiskey."

"Sure Ben, seems like the only time I can get to buy the good stuff is when you are with Angus, or going camping. If you weren't afraid of snake bite, couldn't sell you any then neither." with that she poured him a cup of coffee.

Just as he got the cup to his lips and started to drink, Shelby said, "Hey Ben, what's this I hear you are dating Harriet Martin."

Did you ever swallow a whole mouth full of hot coffee all in one gulp?

THE END