Walking on Faith: The Second Step

by HollyJeen

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

On a cool autumn evening in the small town of Modesto, Nick Barkley slept lightly in his second-floor room of the town’s lone hotel. The exhausted cowboy had drifted off around midnight after leaving his brother, Heath, playing poker in the saloon down the street.

The two cowboys had been on a week-long trip to examine horses for sale. Upon arriving in Modesto, they had met with a long-time business associate of the Barkley family who was selling several horses he had recently broken. Heath did not feel that these small cow ponies were right for the Barkley’s’ breeding needs, and Nick had agreed with his brother’s expert instincts. Though they had decided to pass on the horses and were planning to return home the next day empty-handed, Nick did not regret the trip.

Heath had only come to the Barkley home five months ago, and Nick was still feeling his way with the quiet, sometimes moody, blond. He had long ago accepted Heath’s claim of birthright, and was struggling to get to know this new brother.

He enjoyed Heath’s presence at the ranch, and the brothers had gotten closer over the last couple of months. This trip, though, had really served to solidify their bond. Having so much time alone – away from the constant demands of the ranch – had allowed the men a chance to talk. Nick felt closer to Heath than ever, and had learned much about his past – things that spoke of sadness and pain. He was now more determined than ever to ensure that Heath was happy in the Barkley home, and was looking forward to returning home to share his insights with his mother.

* * * * * * * *

With these thoughts in mind, Nick had decided to retire earlier than his brother. He wanted to be well-rested when they began their trip back to Stockton the next morning. Heath, however, was – by habit – a much lighter sleeper than Nick. The older man knew from experience that Heath did not sleep well in strange hotels, preferring instead to bunk outside under the stars.

This time, though, Nick had insisted they stay in town. The approaching winter had made itself known, and he did not look forward to shivering under a trail blanket when he could enjoy a warm bed in town. Heath had agreed, and Nick expected him to retire to their room after a few more hours in the saloon.

For some reason, Nick could not seem to fall into a deep sleep. Sometime during the night, he rolled over, pushing the blanket to the floor. He was finally settling in to a very entertaining dream involving a scantily-clad fantasy woman with flowing red hair. Just as she smiled and reached for him, a piercing scream interrupted his imaginings.

Jerking upward and glancing around, he attempted to blink the sleep from his eyes. Shaking his head, he staggered to the door to see what had awakened him. When he threw it open and began to step into the hallway, he was hit by searing heat and smoky air. Slamming the door shut, he heard another scream from down the hall, and the single word was instantly recognizable. This one word, repeated again and again, froze him in his tracks. A woman somewhere down the hall to his left yelled again, “Fire!”

* * * * * * * *

Heath Barkley leaned back in his chair, studying the men around the table. Already, he had a nice pile of money in front of him, and was preparing to end his game on a high note. He had enjoyed the game, and was content to leave while all the men still had money remaining.

He took a long drink, finishing his beer with a small grin. A brief thought ran through his mind, How did I ever end up here? This time last year, they woulda kicked me outta this fancy saloon if I just stuck my nose in the door.

He let out a small sigh of contentment when he thought of his life now. Tonight, these men respected him as a Barkley, and welcomed him as an equal. In this room, no one called him a bastard or questioned his right to be here. While Heath knew that these men respected the Barkley name, he knew that a great deal of that acceptance came because of the man who had recently left to turn in for the evening. Nick Barkley was one of the most-respected ranchers in California, and if he stood beside you, then others followed.

Heath’s grin widened when he thought of Nick. He was constantly amazed that his brother – his brother! – seemed to accept him so easily. He could tell that their relationship had changed during the trip, and he looked forward to returning home so that he could take some time to reflect on his brother and their deepening relationship.

With that, he forced his mind back to the poker table, determined to leave a winner. He carefully forced all thoughts of his family from his mind, needing complete concentration for the game.

* * * * * * * *

Nick stood silently for a moment, carefully weighing his options. He considered returning to the hallway and trying to reach the stairs, but the thought of the blasting heat already at his door dissuaded him from opening it again. His hazel eyes swept the room, and he quickly realized that the window was his only means of escape.

Rushing to it and pushing aside the curtains, Nick was suddenly struck with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu. While he struggled to open the window, his mind ranged back to that night so long ago, when his father had saved him. Well, Nick, he thought grimly to himself. Father’s not here to save you this time. So, what are you gonna do?

Nick leaned out the window, squinting to try and see the ground below. This night, unlike the last, was bright and clear, and he could see a crowd already gathering. Sleepy-eyed citizens stumbled to the road and gazed up at the hotel. By the sudden shouts and panicked movements, Nick surmised that the building was already well ablaze. He scanned the crowd, looking for someone to help him escape. He saw several screaming people stream into the street, and hoped that the other guests had managed to escape.

Sighing, he tried to examine his options. Since his door still held strong, Nick was not yet afraid. However, he was man enough to admit to a very real feeling of unease, one that could quickly escalate if the situation worsened. Sending up a brief, but heartfelt, prayer that it would not, Nick shouted down to the people below, letting them know he needed assistance. When several men waved their hats in response, Nick knew that help was coming, and he had little choice but to wait.

* * * * * * * *

A few moments later, Nick straightened up and leaned slightly out the window. He saw that several men had gathered immediately below his window. One of them waved to him and began to shout.

“Mister! Are you alright?” At Nick’s brief wave, the man continued. “We gotta get you out! The bottom floor is burning, and we ain’t gonna be able to control it. You’re the only one up there tonight. Mister, you’re gonna hafta jump!”

With the man’s words, Nick abruptly pulled back well inside the window. NO! his mind cried out. I can’t!

Again, Nick found himself thinking of that night when the Barkley barn burned to the ground. The feeling of helplessness crashed upon the now-grown man, and he staggered under its weight. Sinking to his knees, he remembered the inky darkness that had seemed to reach out from beyond the window, and his heart began to race in remembered fear.

Shaking his head in anger, Nick berated himself. Pull yourself together! You’re a man now, not a scared little boy! No way are you gonna let jumping out a two-story window scare you. Now, get up and MOVE!

Steeling his resolve, Nick gained his feet and stepped once more toward the window. Before he could grasp the sill, however, the hair on the back of his neck raised. Stopping briefly, he attempted to pinpoint the cause. Glancing back toward the door, he realized that an eerie silence had descended on the room. Suddenly, with no warning, a huge boom erupted, and the door exploded inward. Ducking his head and throwing his arms over his face, Nick peered through them and was shocked to see that the flames now reached into his room. The red-orange flames licked at the doorway, and for just a moment, Nick was mesmerized.

* * * * * * * *

A few moments later, another shout from below shook Nick from his stupor. Running to the window, he looked below. In an eerie replica of that first fire so long ago, several men clutched a blanket, pulling it taut. The purpose was clear, and Nick knew that time was short. Grasping the window sill firmly, Nick prepared to throw his leg over the sill so he could escape.

Again, however, he hesitated. I don’t know those men, his mind rebelled. What if they don’t catch me?

Like before, the idea of hitting the ground with no way to break his fall overrode Nick’s fear of the fire. He slowly lowered his leg to the floor and rested his head on his forearm. Taking a deep breath, he tried to control his raging emotions. Hating himself for allowing a childhood trauma to frighten him today, the man remained, poised by the window, yet unable to move. Again, he found that his heart just simply did not trust the men below to catch him when he fell.

* * * * * * * *

So engrossed was he in the poker game, it took Heath a moment to respond to the sudden ruckus outside the door. When the shouts and commotion finally penetrated his thoughts, he moved with the other patrons out into the street. Hoping that nothing bad had happened, he was shocked to his core to realize that the bedlam revolved around the hotel at the other end of the street. Shaking his head in disbelief, Heath broke into a desperate run when he saw the dark tendrils of smoke snaking into the sky.

Nick! He yelled silently. Please, Nick. Don’t be in there!

When he arrived just seconds later at the front of the hotel, a quick look around dashed his hope that his older brother was not in the building. Knowing Nick as he was beginning to, he knew that the rancher would be in the street helping if he could.

Looking at the men gathered in front of the hotel, he saw that several were holding a blanket, and seemed somewhat fearful. Following their gaze upward, he realized that someone must be trapped.

“What’s goin’ on?” he anxiously asked one man holding the blanket. “Is someone up there?”

“Yessir. There’s a man up there, and we can’t get him to jump. If he don’t soon, he ain’t gonna make it!”

Heath swallowed the lump rising in his throat and asked the question he dreaded most. “Do you know who it is? Do you?!” He nearly screamed the last when the man failed to answer quickly enough.

“I think it’s that Barkley fellow. I saw him go in earlier. He’s the only one I ain’t seen come out.”

No! Heath thought. This can’t be happening! I won’t lose him now, I WON’T!

Heath looked frantically around the street, and saw nothing that would be of help. Catching glimpse of the hotel door, he raced toward it, blindly intent on reaching his brother trapped inside.

However, he only got a few feet when the people on the street grabbed him. Dragging him to the ground, they refused to let him enter, knowing it would mean certain death for the young man.

Heath struggled mightily for a few minutes, and then gave up. Taking a ragged breath, common sense returned and told him that this was not the way to help Nick.

Shrugging off the helping hands, he mumbled a swift apology and trotted back to the men still holding the blanket.

He saw that they were getting no response from the trapped man, and closed his heart to the possible reasons for that. Grabbing a hold of it himself, he titled his head up. Taking a deep breath, he shouted for all he was worth.

“Nick! Nick, if you can hear me, you gotta jump! Nick!” Stopping to take a breath, Heath waited to see if the older man would appear at the window. While he waited, Heath sent a frantic prayer to God, knowing that he needed some help to rescue his big brother.

* * * * * * * *

Inside the stifling hotel room, Nick grappled with old demons. Knowing time was running out, he still allowed himself to drift in his memories. However, a sound from below brought him back to the present. Thinking for a moment, he realized what he heard. His brother’s voice was down there, calling him to safety.

* * * * * * * *

At first, Nick ignored the voice, for he still did not want to contemplate the ground below. However, past and present juxtaposed in his memory, and he found himself reflecting on his thoughts from that day in the barn.

He had been thinking of Audra, and wondering what it would have been like to have a kid brother. The dream of a brother, one who cared about the ranch as much as he did, had long been Nick’s secret fantasy. While he loved Jarrod and Audra with all his heart, neither had the love of the land like Nick. Jarrod was an excellent brother, but more apt to spend an afternoon outside propped against a tree with a good book.

Back on that sunny spring day of the fire, Nick had thought of all the little-boy things that make a good brother: endless games of cowboys, Indians, lawmen and bandits; wrestling together in the yard and then sneaking into the kitchen to filch fresh-baked cookies; and, most of all, standing by each other in schoolyard fights and long days working the ranch.

Then, superimposed over these childhood fantasies, the grown-up Nick saw Heath. He saw the other man – his kid brother, just like he had dreamed. He remembered more than one occasion when his brother and he had fought real bandits, with guns blazing real bullets. He also pictured the times the two men had tussled – sometimes playful, and others deadly serious. He grinned a little then, because he and the blond man had stolen more than a few cookies in the last few months.

Mostly, though, he had a crystal-clear picture of Heath, firm-jawed and true, standing beside him through so many different battles. They had fought the railroad together when they weren’t much more than enemies, they had stood shoulder-to-shoulder against Wally and his men, which had nearly cost Heath his life. Even when things were calm, the two men worked side-by-side at the ranch, and it was in these duties that Nick’s truly began to understand Heath’s character. Through it all, Nick’s new brother had never flinched, and kept returning to Nick’s side, where the hazel-eyed man knew Heath belonged.

* * * * * * * *

Smiling softly at these thoughts, which had circled through his head in lightening-fast succession, Nick redirected his attention to the business at hand. He concentrated hard, and listened for Heath’s voice. Sure enough, his brother was still down below, trying to reach him.

With Heath’s next words, Nick was struck, with almost physical intensity, by another wave of déjà vu.

“Come on, Nick!” came Heath’s urgent voice from below. “You gotta jump! I’ll catch you, Nick. I promise!”

Nick sighed, releasing the tension from his shoulders. With it fled the indecision and tendrils of fear that had wrapped around his heart. It all came down to a matter of trust, and Nick found that he didn’t even have to ask if his faith in Heath was strong enough. If Heath said he would catch him, then Heath would catch him – and that was that. Like his father before him, Heath simply gave his word, and Nick simply accepted it.

So, knowing his brother would catch him when he fell, Nick yelled down to Heath.

He seized the window sill with both hands, and flung his leg over the side. Taking a breath to prepare, Nick did the only thing he could when his brother gave him his word. He released his hold, and jumped.

* * * * * * * *

Heath saw his brother finally climb onto the sill. Steadying himself and urging the other men to hold tight, Heath waited for the impact. Knowing Nick’s size, he was worried that the blanket would not hold.

Tracking his brother’s progress, Heath suppressed a shudder when he saw Nick suddenly flying through the air. Bracing for impact, Heath’s arms jolted with the force of Nick’s contact with the blanket. The older man’s body bounced upward and threatened to fall completely off the blanket. Heath let go of one hand, and reached out for Nick. Grabbing one of the other man’s flailing arms, Heath hauled him toward the side. Nick’s momentum threw them both off balance, though, and they went tumbling to the hard-packed street.

Flinging the blanket away from him, Heath quickly grabbed onto Nick with both arms, and managed to break the other man’s fall. Unfortunately, this meant that Heath hit the ground first and Nick landed square on top of him. Heath’s breath released in a loud whoosh and he lay silently for a moment to gather his wits.

Nick, on the other hand, sat up quickly. The adrenaline rush from the free fall spurred him to action, and he tugged at Heath’s arm, eager to assure himself that his brother was not injured in his rescue.

“Heath!” he urged. “Are you alright?”

He was surprised to see the other man grin, although it quickly turned into a grimace.

“Well, Nick,” he said as he slowly sat up. “Don’t you think I should be the one … asking you that?” He rubbed his chest, and Nick saw that he was taking deep breaths.

Relieved, Nick sat back on his haunches, overwhelmed that, yet again, he had managed to escape serious harm from an out-of-control fire.

“No reason to ask,” he said, slapping his brother on the back. “I’m fine. In fact, I’m more than fine!”

Heath looked puzzled at Nick’s enthusiastic reply. “Are you sure you’re alright, Nick? Weren’t you… scared?”

Somehow unsurprised at the question, Nick remembered again that night long ago, and another man who Nick trusted above all others.

Clasping the younger man’s arms in a firm grip, Nick responded to the question. “At first, Little Brother. Yeah, I guess I was scared. But, then you were there, so I didn’t have to worry,” he said, leaning into Heath’s strong embrace. “I knew you would save me. After all, you promised.”

* * * * * * * *

A short time later, Nick and Heath mounted their horses and began to ride. Glancing upward for a moment, Nick smiled, knowing their father was watching. Feeling a sense of completion, Nick knew that his life had finally come full-circle.

Side-by-side, the Barkley men took a moment to watch the first rays of the morning sun break the horizon. Without a word needed between them, they urged the horses forward, both happy to ride together toward home.

THE END