Walking on Faith: The First Step

by HollyJeen

Disclaimer: The characters and situations of the TV program "Big Valley" are the creations of Four Star/Republic Pictures and have been used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended by the author. The ideas expressed in this story are copyrighted to the author.

Nick Barkley peered over the top of the ladder, trying to see the dark interior of the barn’s upper floor. A shock of dark, unruly hair flopped into his eyes, and he impatiently brushed it away, irritated at the slight distraction.

Glancing below him to ensure he was not seen, he carefully eased off the ladder and climbed onto the floor.

“Ah, perfect,” he sighed, glad to finally be in the hayloft. He crept further away from the ladder and leaned against a bale of sweet-smelling hay. Taking a deep breath, he relaxed his shoulders and reveled in the smell. In all his twelve years of living, he was sure he had never smelled anything better than freshly baled spring hay.

Sinking into the soft bedding, he relaxed even further, knowing that he had a fair amount of free time before he needed to head in to dinner. While his mother and siblings had been in Sacramento all week visiting friends, Nick had been allowed to stay to help his father with the ranch. The hay, in which Nick now nestled, had just been baled. Spring baling was one of Nick’s favorite activities, and his mother had allowed him to remain behind to help.

As much as Nick loved working the ranch, the boy had put in long hours the last few days helping with the hay. He was tired, and looked forward to some time alone. He also enjoyed the time away from his younger sibling, Audra. Having a little sister was okay most of the time, but proved to be an occasional headache.

For a young, active boy such as Nick, the tiny toddler determined to match him step for step was sometimes frustrating. When he tried to leave a room, the three-year old Audra blocked his way with her arms in the air. When he left for school, her lips trembled in sorrow until he kissed a smile from them. When he raced across the yard to play, he could hear tiny grunts as pudgy legs struggled to carry the young girl to the same places as her brother.

While Nick tolerated (and even occasionally enjoyed) Audra’s affection much more than anyone could have dreamed, even the best of big brothers sometimes lost their patience. There was no doubt in his mind that he loved Audra a great deal, but his little-boy mind sometimes wondered what it would be like to have a kid brother instead.

Where Audra was sweetly innocent, Nick imagined a rough-and-tumble brother to play cowboys and Indians. When his sister wore ribbons and bows, Nick pictured a brother with scrapes and bruises to match his own. When Audra served make-believe tea to her favorite dolls, Nick saw someone to wrestle with in the mud. Mostly, Nick dreamed of a younger brother who would stand by his side and get him out of trouble when he needed it. Still, Nick knew wishing for it wouldn’t make it so, and he figured Audra was a pretty good deal for a kid sibling.

With these thoughts in mind, Nick was drawn to the sanctuary of the hayloft this late spring afternoon. He was often unable to spend much time in the loft when Audra was home, for she was determined to climb the ladder after him.

So, he had grabbed the latest adventure novel and a ripe, golden apple, content to have a quiet afternoon to himself. After settling in to the rich-smelling hay, Nick perused his novel. However, the lingering warmth of the sunny day, coupled with the soft straw and the quiet peace of the loft, soon worked its magic.

Before he could read more than a few chapters, Nick’s eyes slowly drifted shut. The young boy stretched out in the last rays of the setting sun, oblivious to the ranch life bustling around him. He slowly fell into a deep sleep, enjoying his dream of racing a prized stallion across a red-gold field. Nick’s vibrant imagination was more than a match for the quiet noises filtering up from below, and so he slept on, even as darkness fell.

* * * * * * * *

Below Nick’s resting spot, ranch life continued. This evening found several of Tom Barkley’s best hands returning from their long day of work. Eager to clean up and enjoy a hearty dinner, the cowboys were hurrying to finish grooming their mounts. The elder Barkley was to arrive a short time later, as he had ridden to town for last-minute business. Duke McCall, Tom’s long-time friend and foreman, smiled at the antics of the other cowboys, who were swapping tall tales about their lives in the saddle. When Duke poked fun at one of the younger man’s stories, the storyteller swung a saddlebag at Duke’s head, pretending to be outraged at his disbelief.

Their gaiety quickly turned to fear, however, as every cowhand’s worst nightmare was realized. When Duke saw the saddlebag coming towards him, he ducked out of the way. As the other man, a new hire by the name of Jed Collins, completed his swing, the edge of the bags caught the lantern mounted on the wall behind Duke. In what felt like slow-motion to the men, the lantern swung back against the wall, hanging on the bent hook for a long moment. Then, it slowly crashed to the floor. At that moment, time exploded, and the following events happened in lightning-fast succession. Flames burst from the broken lantern and immediately engulfed the hay bale intended for the horses’ dinner. It licked up the sides of the barn and spread to the other bales before the shocked men could react.

Soon, though, Duke leapt into action and spurred the others to motion. In short order, they got the frightened horses from the barn and began the long, arduous task of trying to save the structure. They quickly saw, though, that the building would not be saved. The hay, so neatly baled and stacked, was dry and crisp – perfect fodder for a hungry flame.

Already, Duke could see smoke pouring from the upper floor’s open window. Sighing, he motioned the men to abandon their efforts to save the barn, and instead focused them on watering down the surrounding area. He knew that his best hope now was that the flames would not jump to the other structures. He said a small prayer as he ran that the barn would be the only thing Tom Barkley would lose this night.

* * * * * * * *

Sometime during these efforts, the boy in the loft jerked awake, gasping for breath against the acrid taste of smoke. Nick’s heart began to hammer, and he tried to tamp down his fear. He ran to the ladder and began to climb down. He quickly jumped back in surprise, though, when the greedy flames leaped toward him, intent on grabbing hold. Abandoning the ladder, Nick gazed wildly about the loft, looking for any avenue of escape. With his rancher’s heart, Nick immediately understood that the barn was a virtual deathtrap because of the fresh-cut hay. He knew that he had to get out of the barn while he still could. His only choice was the double windows, and he ran to them, trying to see the men below.

He could hear a cacophony of intense noise, but – try as he might – he could see nothing. The billowing smoke, combined with the starless night, resulted in an inky darkness through which Nick could see nothing. Swallowing against the overwhelming feeling of complete aloneness – so desired a short time ago, yet now hated and feared – he called for help, hoping that his father was nearby.

In the yard below, the men worked hard and fast, with all hands coming from the bunkhouse to help. With this controlled chaos, no one noticed the small voice echoing from the hayloft. If they did, they would have heard the trembling voice of Tom Barkley’s youngest son, yelling to his father for help.

* * * * * * * *

After several frantic moments of scrambling to douse the surrounding area, Duke gazed at the smoldering barn. The acrid smoke was so thick that he could not see the flames. However, he knew that the structure’s interior was already an inferno, and it would only be a short time before the orange-red flames poured from the doors and windows. Sighing in defeat, he tilted his head upward.

When he did, he thought he heard a faint sound over the din of noise coming from the hard-working cowboys. Squinting in concentration, he listened closely, not believing his ears. Suddenly, Duke let out a blood-curdling yell and commanded the ranch hands to silence. Movement froze, and the men looked at Duke in confusion. Soon though, their gazes swung upward, for they saw that the older man was peering intently at the barn’s large second-floor window.

Though the ranchers could see very little through the smoke, they were able to hear a little better once they stopped shouting to each other. With this new silence, the young voice finally reached them.

“Father!” they heard from the inferno. “Help me!”

Duke’s face paled as he recognized Nick’s voice, scared yet determined. Sparing but a moment to wonder how the boy came to be trapped in the loft, he spurred the men to action.

“Jed! Run to the bunkhouse and get some blankets. Gus, you and the boys double-up the water. We gotta get this fire out!” With Duke’s urgent orders ringing in their ears, the men scrambled to save the youngest Barkley son.

Sending up a brief prayer, Duke reached for the blanket Jed tossed to him. He quickly ordered three men to hold the other corners of the blanket, and they stretched it taut. He then yelled to Nick, hoping that the boy could hear him over the roar of the fire.

“Nick!” he yelled. “You gotta jump! Hurry!”

* * * * * * * *

Coughing and gasping against the stinging smoke, Nick strained to hear the voice below. He heard Duke yell to him, and knew that he must jump to save his life.

Stepping to the window, Nick prepared himself to jump. However, as his foot reached the sill, he was overcome with sudden, overwhelming panic. As much as he feared the bright lick of flames behind him, he found that the inky darkness just beyond the window was an even greater enemy. He tried to force himself to jump, but he just could not trust the men below to break his fall. Somehow, staying in the barn with the deadly flames seemed a better choice than falling into the darkness. Nick’s head tried to tell him that Duke and the others would save him, but his heart could not trust enough to let go.

So the young boy remained, clutching the window frame and trying not to cry. He tried to yell out to Duke, to tell the man he was sorry that he couldn’t jump. However, the thick smoke combined with the lump of fear in his throat, and Nick could no longer yell. He wiped his face with his sleeve, and sank down to the floor. Pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, the boy sat on the floor, silently calling out for help.

* * * * * * * *

Upon leaving Stockton, Tom Barkley had set his horse at an easy gallop, eager to get home for a hot meal and time with his rambunctious young son. With Victoria, Jarrod and Audra gone until the next day, he knew that Nick and he would have the house to themselves. He grinned at the thought, for it was rare that the two of them got to spend much time alone, unless it was when Nick was helping with the never-ending ranch chores.

Planning a night of checkers and a few games of pool – forbidden to Nick in his mother’s presence – he continued toward home.

A few minutes later, he jerked his mount to a stop. The moon was thin, and he could not see the house well yet. However, what he did see froze him in terror. In the distance, he saw long trails of smoke rising in the night sky. Shaking his head in disbelief, the man spurred his horse on, now in a race to reach his home before tragedy fell.

* * * * * * * *

When he arrived in the yard, he allowed himself a small measure of relief when he saw that it was the barn burning, and that the men were milling in the yard. He hated the thought of losing the barn, but at least the house was safe.

He was, however, a bit puzzled by the stricken looks on the men’s faces. Leaping from the horse and striding toward the barn, his heart climbed into his throat when he realized that Nick was nowhere to be seen. Knowing that his son loved the ranch every bit as much as he himself did, Tom had a horrible feeling that he knew why Nick was absent.

Reaching Duke confirmed this unimaginable thought.

“Tom,” the foreman gasped. “Thank God you’re here. Tom, Nick’s up there! We’ve got to get him out!”

Tom shook his head, unable to absorb Duke’s words. How could Nick be in the barn? That thought was too horrible to comprehend. The structure had already lost the battle, he quickly saw. Flames of dark red and orange poured out of the first floor’s windows and doors. Already, the fire had consumed much of the walls, and flames peeked through in several places. Tom worried that the entire building would soon crumble to the ground. He knew that the men must be well away when that happened, for the risk of injury was great. He also knew, though, that he would not leave until his dark-haired son was safe.

Quickly guessing Duke’s plan of rescue, Tom grabbed a section of the blanket, and peered upward. Squinting to try and see through the billowing smoke, he desperately screamed Nick’s name.

* * * * * * * *

Huddled against the barn wall, Nick felt sweat pour down his face. Already, the heat was nearly unbearable, and a lone tear of fear and frustration snaked through the soot on his cheek.

He cursed himself for being unable to jump. In his twelve-year-old heart, he felt like a coward. He had known Duke his whole life, and thought of him as an uncle. Why, then, couldn’t he jump? Duke would do anything for him, and Nick relied on him for nearly anything. However, he just could not find trust in his heart – even for this man he loved – to step out into that unforgiving darkness.

Just when Nick was ready to resign himself to the fire, he heard a faint sound that caused his head to snap up. From down below, he heard the one voice that had the power to right any wrong the boy had to face.

“Nick!” came his father’s powerful bellow. “Nick. You’ve got to get out quick. Son, you have to jump!”

Nick scrubbed the tear from his eye, and carefully slid upward to peer out the window. He still could see nothing except the black smoke, and he shrank back. He strained to hear his father’s voice again, but he did not move to the window again.

* * * * * * * *

Tom choked down cold panic, eyes franticly searching for movement above. Could he be hurt? The distraught father wondered. Dear God! What if he passed out?

He briefly thought of battling through the inferno to reach the ladder, but he instantly abandoned that thought. With the barn in its condition, the ladder was surely long-gone. This desperate attempt to get Nick to jump, and then to safely break his son’s fall, was Tom’s only hope.

Gathering up every ounce of courage and love he could, he roared at Nick again, willing him to listen to his father’s voice.

* * * * * * * *

Again, Nick heard his name being called. Leaning forward slightly, he could make out the shouts.

“Nick! It’s your father. I’m here son, and I’m going to save you! Nick, I’ll catch you, I promise. Just trust me, Son and JUMP!”

Nick shook his head at this, and cleared his thoughts. With his father’s beloved voice ringing in his ears, Nick was suddenly no longer afraid. His father – Tom Barkley – had given Nick a promise, and in Nick’s whole life, his father had never gone back on his word. Nick knew that if his father said he would catch him, his father would catch him – and that was that. Tom was matter-of-fact about keeping his word, and Nick was matter-of-fact about accepting it.

So, knowing that Tom would catch him when he fell, Nick carefully climbed onto the sill. Taking a deep breath, he did the only thing he could when his father gave him his word. Nick released his hold, and jumped into the darkness.

* * * * * * * *

Since he could not hear Nick’s voice, Tom had no way of knowing if or when Nick would jump. Even though he was praying for it with every ounce of his considerable fatherly concern, he was still shocked to suddenly see Nick flying through the air. Yelling to the men to hang on the blanket, Tom clutched the material with his right hand and reached out with the left.

Just as Nick reached the blanket, Tom grabbed his shirt. Jerking upward as hard as he could, he helped to break Nick’s descent. Nick landed smack in the middle of the blanket with a loud plop and bounced back upward. Knowing that the other men would keep a tight hold, Tom released his right hand and reached out for Nick. He grabbed his son with both arms and tugged him closer. Even though Nick was much smaller than Tom, his momentum propelled him downward. The force of gravity pushed hard, and father and son fell backward onto the ground.

Tom’s breath rushed out, not just from the impact of Nick’s weight landing square on his chest, but also from the miracle of seeing that his son was alive. After just a second of lying on the hard-packed dirt, Tom scooped Nick in his arms and ran to the edge of the bunkhouse. There, they were safe should the barn crumble. He shouted to the men to pull back, and then concentrated solely on his son.

Laughing with relief, he pulled Nick upward and stared hard, trying to determine if he was injured. He expected to see in his son’s face a glimpse of the horror he must have felt. He was shocked, however, to see the look in his son’s eyes. Absent was terror, indeed there was not even a look of fear at all. Instead, Nick looked at his father and grinned.

“Nick?” Tom asked cautiously. “Are you alright, Son?”

“Yes, Father,” Nick rasped out from a dry throat. “I’m fine.”

Hugging him close, Tom had to ask the question first in his mind. “Weren’t you scared, Son?”

Relaxing against his head against his father’s shoulder, Nick answered. “At first I was. But, when I heard your voice… didn’t have to be,” he said tiredly. “I knew you would save me… you promised.”

With that, the exhausted boy drifted to sleep. While the men bustled about protecting the bunkhouse and remaining barns, Tom just sat and gently rocked his precious burden, thinking of how lucky he was to have such a remarkable son.

THE END