Title: The right time for friendship.

Author: Sarah

E-mail: taraka66@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB. I’ve just borrowed them.

Summary: Willow arrives in Los Angeles in search of Xander.

Authors notes: This is set after the right time for forgiveness, so you should really read that one first.  It is eight years in the future.  Xander left after graduation and didn’t return. I’ve tampered with the timeline subsequently. The story is written from Willow’s point of view.

Feedback: A really silly question, I love your feedback! It helps me to think of new ideas, and helps my fingers type quicker.

Dedication:  As always to everyone at WXFic and Xanderships, especially Louise, GM, Cri, Bri, Jess, Chad, Emma, Carola, Christi and Laura. You guys rock!

* * * * * * * * *

I couldn’t believe the noise of the city.  Wherever I turned there were new and unusual sounds.  I missed the stillness of Sunnydale.  In the evening especially, you could hear the sounds of the night, although they might not be very pleasant.  In L.A though, the city never stopped, the sounds of people and cars could be heard at all hours.

The city seemed alien to me.  It had me unnerved.  I was relieved when I finally found the building that was home to Angel Investigations. 

I looked up at the building, inhaling deeply as I opened the door, hoping that Angel and Cordy hadn’t really changed since I’d seen them last.

I entered the inner office and opened the door quietly and smiled as I saw Cordelia on the telephone discussing the latest offerings from Niemann Marcus.

She looked up at me, and her face broke out into a huge smile. She cut off her phone conversation curtly.

“Willow!” she exclaimed, dropping the receiver and leaping out of her chair in one graceful movement.

I took in her appearance.  She was still as beautiful as ever, probably even more so.  I could understand why Xander had been attracted to her in high school; she was everything I wasn’t. 

Cordy pulled me into her arms and hugged me briefly before stepping back so that she could look me over.

“I see Sunnydale is still leagues behind in the fashion world!” she teased, her brown eyes glinting with mischief.

“Well, Sunnydale may be behind, but L.A seems to be missing the added bonus of a Hellmouth!”

“True, but there are some disgusting creatures living in L.A and we seem to spend most of our time meeting them.”

The door of Angel’s office opened and Doyle and Angel appeared.

“Willow.” Angel said. His handsome face was pale, but his brown eyes showed his happiness at seeing me.  He walked over and embraced me. 

In a way being here with Cordy and Angel made me feel at home, even though Sunnydale was miles away.

“Hi,” I replied, a little overwhelmed with seeing everyone again.  I’d almost forgotten what it was like to be with Cordy and Angel. I hadn’t seen them since Buffy and Oz’s wedding six years ago.  A lot had happened since then, Xander’s return being one of the more startling occurrences.

“Buffy called,” Angel began. “She explained that you need our help.”

“Oh good,” I said, feeling slightly relieved that Buffy had broken the ice first. “I need your help to find someone.”

“Who?” Cordelia asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Xander.” I mumbled.

Cordelia’s face clouded “Why do you need to find him now? It’s been eight years, Willow I thought you’d moved on.”  Her eyes filled with concern as she spoke.

I twisted my hands and shifted nervously.  “He came to Sunnydale, but he left before we had a chance to sort things out.” I explained, feeling their eyes watching me, waiting for me to break down.  Could they not understand that seeing him again would help me sort out how I felt?  How I felt about everything.  I needed this chance to talk to him in order to bury all the pain and emotion I’d been carrying for the last eight years once and for all.

“Typical.  That’s so typical of him.  The going gets tough and he just runs away.”

“That’s not fair Cordelia.” I defended him, just as I had defended him thousands of times before.

“Willow.  Haven’t you learnt anything?  If he really cared for you he wouldn’t have left eight years ago.”

“He left because he couldn’t stay.”

“Why? Was watching you with Oz too painful?”

The look on my face must have answered her question, because she gave up her tirade and her face filled with understanding.

“Oh.” She said as her cheeks blushed a little. “I’m sorry Willow.  Sometimes my mouth works a little faster than my brain.”

“Y’ can say that again m’ darlin’.”  Doyle piped up, a wry smile on his face.

“Oooh” Doyle hissed as Cordy knocked the wind out of him with a sharp nudge to his ribs.

I couldn’t help but smile.  Cordelia hadn’t changed, neither had Angel.  They’d moved on, but they hadn’t changed.

I glanced at Angel and noticed he was smiling too.  I imagined working with Doyle and Cordelia could be very interesting. 

“I’ve asked around, and I’m just waiting for some replies.  Then we’ll have an idea where to start looking.” Angel explained.

I nodded, hoping that Angel would be able to find Xander quickly. I didn’t know how long my nerves would last.  The sooner I saw him, the sooner I could lay everything to rest.  “Thanks,” I said gratefully.

“If it helps you sort everything out we’re happy to help.” Cordelia added genuinely.

“Thank you.”

“Do you have somewhere to stay?” she asked.

“I’m staying in a hotel not far from here.”

“I think we can do better than a hotel.  Doyle and I have a spare room, you’re more than welcome to stay with us and Dennis until we find Xander.” She enthused, relishing the idea of spending sometime with someone who wasn’t a demon in any sense of the word.

“Who’s Dennis?” I asked a little confused.

“He’s our house ghost.” Cordelia replied.

“Guest?”

Cordelia shook her head a smile gracing her lips.  “No ghost, you know of the haunting variety. We helped him out, and now he helps around the apartment.”

“Well, he helps Cordelia, but I think he dislikes me.” Doyle replied.

“A ghost.” I was having a hard time imagining Cordelia Chase sharing a house with a ghost.  She’d certainly embraced new things living in L.A.

“He’s a friendly ghost, a little like Casper.” Cordelia smiled.

“Oh, friendly ghost.  Ok so L.A. is a lot more like Sunnydale than I imagined.  I would love to stay if you’re sure it’s ok.  I wouldn’t want to impose.”

“You couldn’t impose Willow, you wouldn’t know how to.” Cordelia replied quickly.

“So that’s settled then.  I’ll continue to carry out the ground work while you.” Angel looked at Cordelia, “Settle Willow in at your apartment.  If I find anything I’ll let you know straight away.”

“Ok.” Cordelia replied, picking up her purse from the desk and ushering me out of the door.

“Bye.” I called back as Cordy guided me out of her office.

* * * * * * * *

Cordelia and Doyle’s apartment was cosy and Dennis seemed friendly enough.  Well he fetched me a glass of water and carried my bags into the guestroom.  My face must have been a picture watching my bags float across the living room and into my room.  Cordelia couldn’t help but laugh at me.

“Sorry.” I apologised quickly. “I haven’t had much experience with ghosts. Even living on a Hellmouth.”

“It’s ok. Dennis can take a little time to get used to, but I assure you he is friendly and he seems to like you.  He never does anything for Doyle, except  annoy him.  Which is fine with me.  It helps to keep him on his toes.”

“You and Doyle seem happy together.”

“We are.  Who would ever guess that Cordelia Chase would end up working for a Vampire and living with a half demon?"

“I certainly wouldn’t have guessed.  I would have thought you would have married a rich doctor, or been a world famous actress by now.”

“And I always thought you would marry Xander, have a huge family and live happily ever after.”

“Well that’s how I had my life planned, but it didn’t turn out like that.  I loved him for so long, but he never noticed me, other than in the best friend kind of way.   Every man I’ve met since Xander, I’ve tried to allow them into my heart but they just can’t compete with my feelings for Xander.  Unless I resolve this, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move on.”

“Do you really want to move on?”

“I need to.  The last eight years have been hard, too hard. I was just beginning to get everything together and he shows up and stirs up all my feelings.  I need to understand why he left, and why he chose to return.  If I can understand that, then maybe I can forgive him and we can be friends again.  I’ve missed my best friend, Cordy.”

“Well Angel’s on the case, and I know we’ll get results.” Cordelia smiled enthusiastically.

* * * * * * * * *

I was fixing a sandwich in Cordelia’s kitchen when the phone rang.  Cordelia was in the shower, preparing to spend the night on town, showing me the sights of the city. 

I had laughed when I saw Doyle enter the apartment.  Dennis had followed him around, hindering his every movement.  Cordelia had certainly trained Dennis well.  Xander would have appreciated Cordelia’s living arrangements.  I hoped I would have the opportunity to tell him everything about the last eight years.

I left my sandwich on the counter and picked up the receiver. “Hello?”

“Willow?” Angel’s voice asked.

“Hi Angel, yes it’s Willow. Have you found Xander?” I asked nervously.

“Well, my research has turned up one Alexander LaVelle Harris living in L.A and he’s working as a lawyer for a small legal firm.”

“A lawyer?” I asked confused, Xander would never be a lawyer, would he?

“Yes, a lawyer.  It seems after Xander left Sunnydale he threw himself into schoolwork and obtained a law degree.  He passed his Bar exam two years ago and is practicing family law.”

“Oh.  Do you have the firm’s address?”

“Yes. I suggest we go and visit it tomorrow.”

“In daylight?”

“Yes daylight.  The sewer system is very good in L.A.  Come to the office tomorrow morning with Cordelia, and we’ll go and find Xander.”

“Thank you.” I said, my heart pounding in my chest. 

“Don’t thank me just yet.  We haven’t spoken to him.” Angel replied, a concerned tone in his voice.

“I know, but I just wanted to thank you for helping me.”

“It’s what I do Willow. And for once I’m pleased to help a friend rather than a stranger.  Good night Willow, try not to worry.”

“I’ll try.  Bye Angel.” I replied quietly, before returning the receiver to its cradle.

I stared at the phone for a few minutes as I let my conversation with Angel whirl round my mind.  Xander was a lawyer? It was something I’d never imagined him doing.  Yes he could talk his way out of anything… well, almost anything.  But I still had a hard time picturing him in a courtroom. Although this time tomorrow I would have the answers to my questions.

“Was that Angel?” Cordy asked from the bathroom door.

I nodded.

“Well?” she asked as she dried her chestnut brown hair with a towel.

“He’s found Xander.” I replied simply.

* * * * * * * *

Angel and I entered the Smith, Anderson and Birch law firm by its side entrance.  My heart was pounding in my chest, I hadn’t been this nervous since the speech I’d given at my College graduation ceremony.

The receptionist was perched on a chair behind a huge desk. Her computer beeped as she typed furiously.  She didn’t notice our arrival until Angel coughed.  She finally looked up from the monitor.

“Can I help you?” she asked an icy tone to her voice.

“We’re here to see Mr. Harris.” Angel explained.

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No. But it is really important that we speak to him.”

“Well he’s very busy and he doesn’t like unexpected visitors.” The receptionist replied, her voice becoming icier by the second.

“Please,” I asked “It’s very important.”

“Ok.” Finally relenting. “I’ll check and see if he has time.  Whom may I say is calling?”

“A friend from Sunnydale.” I replied.

* * * * * * * * *

Angel and I stood outside Xander’s office door.  I inhaled deeply, scared that we might have the wrong person, that he might not want to see me.

I looked at Angel. He was watching me carefully; he looked as if he could read every thought in my head.

“You don’t have to do this.” He stated.

“But I do.  This is why I’ve come here. To face him.  I’ve got to.  I’m just a little scared, that’s all.”

“Do you want me to come in with you?”

“No.  Would you mind waiting here?” 

“No, I’ll be here whatever happens.”

“Thank you.  Ok, it’s now or never.” I inhaled deeply and knocked on the door.

“Come in,” a male voice called from the other side of the door.  It sounded like Xander.

I opened the door slowly and walk into his office.

* * * * * * * *

As I walked into the office, I saw Alexander LaVelle Harris sitting nervously behind his desk.  His face paled as he realised I was standing in before him.

“How did you find me?” he asked.

“I had a little help from a friend.” I replied, still surprised that I was finally talking to him.

“Why did you come?”

“I came because I think we need to talk.  To clear the air.  I need to know the truth Xander. The truth about everything.  Why you left.  Why you came back.”

“I’m pleased you came.  I’m sorry Willow, for everything.  Whatever I do I always hurt you.  After all this time I still manage to hurt you.” He apologised, his brown eyes filled with honesty and sorrow.

How I’d missed looking into those eyes.  For sixteen years they’d been the light of my life, and for eight years I had only memories of them.  “I know you’re sorry.  But there’s a lot more to say other than sorry Xander.”

“I know.” He replied. “Do you want to talk here?”

“I don’t mind where we talk, as long as we talk.”

He picked up his phone and called through to his receptionist. “Hold all calls and cancel the rest of my appointments for today. Something very important has cropped up.”  When he returned the receiver to the cradle, he looked at me.  “How about we go to a quiet restaurant and talk?”

“Ok.” I smiled, knowing I’d feel more comfortable away from his office. 

He stood up and grabbed his jacket from the coat rail.  Xander in a suit.  Another image I hadn’t contemplated.  He looked more handsome than I remembered as my heart fluttered gently in my chest.

We walked to the door and he opened it and was greeted by Angel waiting patiently on the other side. 

“Dead boy.” Xander said, his voice letting Angel know he was teasing. “Been a long time.”

“Not long enough.” Angel replied tersely.

“Xander and I are going to talk. You can come if you like.” I felt Xander flinch at my side.

“No. I’ve done my part; I helped you to find him. Now it’s up to both of you to sort everything out.”

“Thank you.” I said and gently kissed Angel’s cheek.

“Anytime Will.” Angel replied, before turning and walking out of the building.

“Well that answers my question about how you found me.” Xander replied.

“It was Buffy’s idea. She was the one who knew you were in L.A.”

“I’m glad she told you.” He replied as we walked out of his building and into the clammy daylight of L.A.

* * * * * * * *

We spent most of our lunch talking about the unimportant developments in our lives.  About our favourite TV programs or books.   We were avoiding the important issues and we both knew it.

After we’d eaten Xander suggested we go for a walk on the beach.  I agreed, hoping that we’d really talk.

The beach was crowded with people milling, around getting on with their lives.  The white sand reached out into the distance where it was met by the blue ocean.  I’d always loved the beach; it had a romantic feel about it; although today it made me feel slightly uncomfortable.

We walked in silence for a while, until we found a secluded part of the beach.  We sat down and waited for the other to talk.

Finally, when the silence was too much to bear, I began to talking, pouring out my heart. “Why did you leave without saying goodbye?  I could have handled you leaving if you had said goodbye.  Do you know what it’s like wondering whether your friend is dead or alive?  I’ve spent the last eight years wondering if you’re safe. A simple note would have eased my mind.  Why didn’t you tell me you weren’t happy, I could have helped; you were my best friend; we never kept secrets.” I spoke quickly trying to clear my mind of the questions and pain that had been there since the day he left.

“But you did.”.

“What secrets? I told you everything."

“You never told me you loved me.”

“Yes I did.  I told you the night you slept with Faith.” I replied anger evident in my voice.

“But you’d chosen Oz.  I couldn’t understand how, if you loved me, you could go back to him.”

“Because then I needed him.  He was right for me.  I told you I loved you because I thought I was going to die.  I couldn’t die without telling you.” I admitted.  “You never told me you loved me until the other day, in your letter.”

“I did.  The night you were in a coma in hospital.  The thought of living my life without you scared me.  Scared me into admitting how I felt about you.  When I told you, you came back to me and called for Oz.”

I turned to look at him; his eyes met mine. They were filled with a pain and an honesty I hadn’t seen before.  “I thought it was Oz.  I never knew it was you.  I never expected you to love me.  You’d always ignored me, I was your best friend, but there was never any other suggestion you felt that way about me.”

“What about the fluke?”

“We decided that’s all it was - a fluke.  It wasn’t the right time, I don’t think there ever will be a right time.”

“Oh. I see.”

“It’s been too long Xander,” I explain. “I’ve changed. You’ve changed.  We haven’t spoken to each other in eight years. But I want to try to be friends again.  You’re the most important friend I’ve ever had and losing you nearly killed me.  I don’t want to live my life without you, but I don’t know whether I’m ready to let you back into my heart yet.  Maybe one day, the time will be right for us to love each other again.  Until then friendship will have to be enough.”

“Friendship? Hey” he smiled. “That I could do with.  It’s pretty lonely here in L.A.  Friends are pretty hard to come by.  Especially best friends who know you better than you probably know yourself.”

I smiled; it was nice to talk to him again, to really talk to him.  It was something neither of us had been able to do for a very long time.  “Friendship is a good place to start and I could really use a good friend to talk to. Someone who understands me.  Buffy tries, but she is so caught up in her own life that I don’t want to impose.”

“I met Louise. She’s beautiful.  I thought she was your daughter though.  She reminded me so much of you.” He smiled.

“She does look like me doesn’t she? Although I can assure you she is one hundred percent Buffy’s and Oz’s.  Although I enjoy being the doting Aunt.”

“I bet you do.  I bet you spoil her rotten.” He teased.

“Yes. That’s what Aunts are for.  Although I know a little girl who would love to be spoiled by her Uncle Xander.”

“Maybe, Will.”

“There’s no maybe about it Xander, if you want to share a part of my life, you share a part of Louise, Buffy and Oz’s too. They’re your friends just as much as I am.  You hurt them too by walking out.  I know we can’t go back but we can go forward, start again.”

“That sounds good to me.  I don’t deserve you as a friend though, Willow.”

“Probably not, but there’s nothing you could do to lose me though.  You’ve tried it all but I’m still here. I remember you saying that we’ll probably end up in neighbouring rest homes and I think you’re probably right.”

He smiled “I think so, but that is a long way in our future.  We’ve got a chance to live our lives as we should and I’m willing to take that opportunity.”

“I’m pleased you‘re ready, because it’s taken you long enough.  Although it’s going to take time to heal all of the wounds between us.  Talking about friendship is a very good place to start.”  I smiled 

He smiled at me, his eyes filled with happiness. 

We talked for a long time that day, slowly rebuilding our friendship. The question was would friendship be enough?

The final part is The right time for love

Willow and Xander fanfiction