Title: Reality Bites

Author: Sairs

Email:  taraka66@hotmail.com

Summary:  Someone finds that the truth hurts.  Be warned this isn’t very Willow friendly.

Author’s notes:  I wanted to explore something a little different, and subsequently this story has surfaced! J

Feedback: Would be nice, in fact it would be very nice.

Dedication: To Bri.

Rating: PG-15

***~~***~~***~~***

“All you think about is sex!  Can’t you think about anything else?”  Xander shouted angrily at Anya.

“Well, thinking about it is as close as I’ve gotten recently!”  Anya replied, her eyes full of anger and her arms resting firmly on her sides.  “There aren’t a lot of other things to think about around here, ‘cause everyone I know is demon obsessed.  Well I gave up my demon status, and if I’m doomed to be a human, the least I can do is think of something enjoyable.  ‘Cause living around here isn’t fun anymore, you aren’t fun anymore.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to spend the rest of my mortal life fighting demons.  If that’s what you want to do with your life, then fine.  Spend your days doing whatever, whilst your so-called friends attend college, and then spend your evenings fighting demons and vampires with them, even though they’d probably be fine without you, for what they notice you anyway!  ‘Cause you’re not really a part of their world anymore.”

“They’re just busy with college work, that’s all.”

“See!  You’re making excuses for them.  Would they care enough to make excuses for you?   I’m the only one who cares for you.  Where was Willow when you were sick at Thanksgiving? Huh?  She didn’t even notice you were ill, she couldn’t care less and she’s supposed to be your best friend.  I’m glad I don’t have any best friends like her.   Buffy’s just as bad, mooning over Blondie, who’s as ‘bout as useful as a wet kipper! And if she’s not mooning over Riley, she’s fawning over Angel.  What is wrong with that girl?”

“They are my friends.  We’ve been there for each other; we’re still there for each other.  It’s just our lives are a little complicated; they’ve changed since high school, I’ve changed, we’ve grown.”

“You’ve grown alright, apart.  I’m the only one who’s been here for you this year, and how do you repay me?  You ignore me and my needs.”

“Ignoring your needs! Huh!  There is more to life than satisfying your needs.  If you don’t want me to satisfy them, I’m sure there’s someone else out there who’ll do the job just fine.  Just don’t let the door hit you on the ass when you leave!” Xander replied, his voice laced with anger and his eyes blazing with fury.

“Fine! I’m going, just don’t come crawling back to me when you’re so-called friends desert you.” Anya shouted, as she stomped across the floor of the basement to the stairs.  She briefly turned to look at Xander as she reached the top of the stairs, before she opened the door, slamming it shut behind her.

Xander sat down on his bed.  “Great! Just great!” He shouted as he grabbed his pillow and hurled it across the room.

~~***~~***~~***~~***~~

Xander opened the door, poking his head cautiously around it before entering.  He smiled when he saw Buffy sitting at her desk attempting desperately to concentrate on a textbook.  “Hey, Buff.  How’s it going?”

“Great, well it will be when I can finally figure out how to solve this problem.  Where’s Anya?” She asked, wondering where Xander’s shadow had disappeared too.

“Anya’s history.  She’s left Sunnydale to find some other unsuspecting mortal to fulfil her burning desires,” he replied, a small smile on his face.

“You okay?”

“Will be.  I just need to work out a few things.  I’m feeling a little like the third wheel at the moment.  I’m just not sure where everything’s going, where I’m going, what I want to do.  So I think I’m going to go away for a while, discover myself, or rather find the Xander that I know is in here somewhere.” He smiled ruefully as he moved his hand towards himself.

“You’re not a third wheel.  You’re Xander, support guy, reliable guy, research guy.”

“That makes me sound like Willow, she was always the reliable research element of our group.  Now she’s the Wicca with attitude.  I want to be Xander.  Just Xander.” She didn’t even mention friend in that statement, maybe Anya’s right, he thought.  “I’m going to go to L.A for awhile.”

“L.A.  Why?”

“I can be useful and well, there are some friendly faces there.  Well, almost friendly.” 

Buffy grinned. “Cordy will love seeing you.  She’ll be able to remind you of everything you’ve ever done to hurt her.”

“Well at least Cordy will talk to me.  It’s more than certain people recently.” Xander nodded towards Willow’s empty bed.

“She’s hurting still, Xand.”

“Yeah, just like the rest of us, but we couldn’t possibly understand how she feels,  ‘cause she’s the only one of us to ever suffer from a broken heart.”

“She’s your friend, Xand.”

“You wouldn’t think so.  Anya’s been more of a friend than you guys recently.  I know you’ve been busy and things change, but still I’m the outsider.”

“You’re not!” Buffy’s blue eyes met Xander’s, “well a little.” She allowed. “ I’m sorry, but Riley and I have been a little preoccupied.”

“No! Really?” Xander rolled his eyes a look of mock shock registering on his face.  “I never noticed.”

Buffy batted his arm gently.  “Are you sure you have to go?" 

He nodded. “Yes, I’m sure. This is the one decision I’m sure of.  If I know what I want, then I can go out there and grab it, rather than sitting here feeling useless.”

“You’re not useless, Xander.” Buffy hugged him.

“I may not be useless, but that’s how it feels.  I’m lonely, Buff.  I miss our friendship, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss high school.”

Buffy raised her hand and felt Xander’s brow. “Are you sure you feel okay?  ‘Cause I never thought I’d hear those words uttered from your lips.  You miss school?”

“Well I don’t miss school as in the sense of learning and classes, I miss us, the group, research in the library.  Now I’m usually the last person to find out something’s up on the Hellmouth now.  You, Willow and Riley usually have things sorted without me.  I’m just Mr. Backup guy, the last resort.”

“Xander!”

“Look, I really need to go, Buff.  I just stopped by to let you know I’m going.  Don’t ask when I’ll be back, ‘cause I don’t know if I’m going to come back.  This place isn’t home anymore.” He walked towards the door.  “Bye, Buff.”

“Take care Xander.” She replied, her voice quiet and her eyes filled with pain and guilt.

“You too.” He opened the door and left Buffy alone in her dorm room pondering what she could have done to change things. 

***~~***~~***~~***~~***

Willow lay on her bed, concentrating on the ceiling, her mind focused on her problems. 

The door opened and Buffy hurried in, dropping her bag and books onto her bed.   “Hey, Will.” Buffy was met with silence.  “Willow?” she waited, still nothing.  “Willow!” she finally shouted.

Willow jumped.  “What?” she asked indignantly, “I was thinking.”

“Sorry I disturbed you,” Buffy replied icily.  “I can understand how Xander feels now,” she added quietly.

“What?” Willow asked incredulously. 

“That you’re so wrapped up in yourself that you’ve ignored the rest of us.  Poor Willow, Oz cheated on her.  Poor Willow, Spike couldn’t bite her.  Poor Willow, Tara used you for your magic.  Didn’t you even notice Xander, who feels rejected and isolated from his friends?  No!  You just kept up enjoying your little world of self-pity.  It’s about time you snapped out of it and grew up.”

Willow paled.  “That’s not true.”

“No I didn’t expect you to accept the truth, ‘cause as far as you’re concerned you’re right and perfect and everyone else is wrong.  Well I’ve got news for you, reality bites.  You’re not going to get anywhere in this world if you keep this up.  You’ll turn into a lonely bitter old woman.  No wonder Xander’s gone, at least he doesn’t have to watch you wallow in your self-pity any longer.”  Buffy turned and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Willow just stared at the door, in a state of shock.

~~***~~***~~***~~***~~

Willow looked at the door; she read the sign on the door for the second time just to make sure she was in the right place.  ‘Angel Investigations’ She inhaled deeply before opening the door and walking into the office.

Cordy heard the door open and glanced up from her desk, starting her welcome speech. “Welcome to Angel Investigations, if you’d like to take a seat, Angel…  If it isn’t Willow the witch.  Thought you’d come and show your face in L.A, huh?  I notice you haven’t found your fashion sense; I’m surprised the fashion police haven’t arrested you.  Why are you here?”  Cordy’s tone was icy, her brown eyes boring into Willow’s green ones, causing Willow to shift uneasily.

“I’m here to see Xander.” Willow replied uneasily.

“What makes you think he wants to see you?”

“He’s my friend.”

“Really, and what definition of friendship are you using today?  Could it be, that I actually care about the person I spent my entire childhood with only to kiss briefly and then dump to return to my boyfriend with a full moon issue because I felt guilty?  Or, I’m feeling lonely and awash with self-pity and I need a shoulder to cry on.  Because one things for sure, you’re not here for him.  I think you’re here to make yourself feel a little less guilty.  Only thing is you don’t deserve to be guilt free.”

“That’s not fair!” Willow exclaimed.

“Not fair!  Life’s not fair Willow.  We all suffer pain, our hearts get  broken, but we don’t all curl up into a ball and wait for the world to revolve around us.  Some of us get of our butts and actually make our own destiny.  Looks like you’re not good at everything after all, Willow.”

“Is he here?”

“I wouldn’t tell you if he was.  He doesn’t need you right now; he’s here to work out what he wants.  If you hadn’t been so wrapped up in your own little world, you might have actually recognised that he needs you.  But no, you can’t handle the fact that other people have problems, can you?  Well, I for one am not going to spend the rest of my precious time listening to your reasons why you’re here, I think it would be best for everyone if you turned and walked away right now!”

“Well I’m pleased to see that L.A hasn’t changed you, Cordelia.  You’re still a bitch, and you’ll probably always be one.  I’m won’t waste another moment of your precious time,  ‘cause obviously your nails are so much more important than helping Xander.”

Cordelia glared at Willow, standing from behind her desk and walking haughtily towards her.  “I am helping Xander, more than anyone in Sunnydale has for a long time."

“You’ve finally allowed him into your bed then!” Willow spat, her green eyes blazing.

“If I have it’s more than you ever achieved, all you ever got was a few sneaky kisses, behind Oz’s and my back, and did you ever feel guilty? No!  You still managed to worm your way back into Oz’s graces, and then when he returns the favour and finds someone else, what do you do?  You sit there and cry and cry and dig a hole of self-pity so deep, that you might as well spend the rest of your life there.  Well I always had you pegged for being cleverer than that, but obviously not.”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re beginning to sound like a broken record, Willow.  Life isn’t fair, so grow up and accept it.”

The door opening behind them caused them to stop throwing insults at each other. They turned towards the door and found Xander standing there a bemused look on his face.

“Xander, are you okay?” Willow asked meekly.

“You’re concerned now?” Cordy rolled her eyes.

“Cordy, would you mind excusing us for a minute, Willow and I have some things to talk about.”

“Sure, I’ll be in Angel’s office.” Cordy glared once more at Willow before retreating to Angel’s office.  “If you need me.”

“I’m sure Xander can fight his own battles.” Willow added spitefully.

“I’m sure he can, Willow, he’s always been more capable than you.” Cordy smiled with victory as she closed the door to Angel’s office behind her.

Willow stood there numb with shock.  Buffy’s words filtering through her mind,  “reality bites, Willow.”

“Why are you here, Willow?” Xander asked as he studied her face carefully.

“I’m here because I was worried about you.”

“Really, Will?  ‘Cause I was under the impression that you didn’t worry or care about anyone other than yourself.  I know it’s been rough for you recently, but that’s not a good enough reason for you to cut yourself off from the world and ignore your friends.  Friendship is a two way street, Willow you have to give as well as receive.  All you’ve been doing recently is taking, not giving anything in return.  Well, I don’t need friends like you, Willow.  I can live quite happily without someone who’s self-centred and happy to live in her own little world of self inflicted pain.  I don’t need it, and I don’t need you!”

“Xander!” Willow replied, her green eyes watery.

“I’m sorry, Willow it’s the truth.  I’m not going to lie to you.  I don’t know you anymore. The little girl I grew up with has turned into a stranger.  I don’t want to know you anymore, not until you sort yourself out.  I want a friend Willow, someone who’s there for me, and who lets me be there for them.  I don’t need someone who only comes to see me when she wants something, and ignores me the rest of the time.  ‘Cause that’s what you’ve been doing, you’ve spent the last year ignoring me.  You didn’t even care when I was sick at Thanksgiving, or when I disappeared at Halloween.  You just don’t care about anyone other than yourself, and I’m just not interested anymore.  I’m getting on with my life, and unfortunately for you my life no longer includes you, Will.  I’m sorry if that hurts, but it’s how I feel.  I think you ought to go Willow, ‘cause I have nothing else to say to you, except, goodbye.” 

Xander walked towards Angel’s office, opening the door and leaving Willow to stand in Cordy’s office, tears flowing freely from her eyes.  She stared at the closed door for a few moments, before leaving the office and her closest friend behind.

***~~***~~***~~***~~***

Willow walked aimlessly around L.A, slowly becoming aware that she was closer to becoming a lonely old woman, than she’d ever thought.  Could her friends be right?  Had she become self-absorbed?  She had been a little sad recently, but she hadn’t neglected her friends, had she?  Perhaps she really should examine her life?  Could all of those people be wrong?

“Hello, Red.  What you doing in the big bad city?”  A familiar English voice filtered into the air from the darkness of an alleyway.

“Spike?” She asked quietly.

“Who else did you think it would be?  ‘Cause I don’t think it would be any of your friends, not the way you’ve been treating them recently.”

“Why is everyone out to get me?” She asked angrily.

“That’s it Red, make it out to be about yourself.  You’ve really got this self-importance lark mastered and there was me thinking that vampires were the most self-centred creatures on the earth.  But no, you’ve proved me wrong.”

“I am not self-centred!”

“Believe that if you want, if it helps to make you feel better, ‘cause you’re certainly not helping to make anyone else feel better.  I would put the world out of its misery ‘cause I know you’d taste delicious, but I can’t because of this bloody chip.  But I’m sure if you keep wandering long enough, some unsuspecting poor vampire will put you out of your misery, which would suit you just fine, because the world would finally recognise how Willow Rosenberg suffered at the hands of a deplorable vampire in this big bad world.  You’d be able to make your friends feel guilty.”

“I do not want them to feel guilty?”

“Are you sure?  Because from where I’ve been standing, you’ve been trying really hard to make them feel guilty and sorry for you, but somehow they’ve managed to see through you.  Which actually surprises me, ‘cause you were the brightest of the bunch.  But hey, time reveals the truth, eventually.”

“Truth?” Willow asked quietly.

“The truth that you’re not capable of accepting friendship and being there for others.  You’re just like me, hated by everyone in the Scooby gang.  It’s a great feeling, isn’t it?” Spike grinned. 

“No!”  Willow finally understood, the truth hurts.  She’d been so lost in her own world, that she’d been completely oblivious to the world, to her friends.  Perhaps it was time to re-evaluate her life, but there are other potential friends out there, she’d just have to make them.  Who needed Buffy and Xander? She certainly didn’t she’d be fine without them, she was stronger than them, more intelligent.  She could survive on her own.  She would survive on her own.

She walked away her head held high, she didn’t need Sunnydale and she didn’t need them, she’d make it all by herself, she’d show them!

She was so wrapped up in herself, that she didn’t hear the low growl from behind her.  She didn’t notice the vampire until she felt its teeth pierce the tender flesh on her neck.  She only felt sorry for herself as she felt her life ebb away as the vampire consumed her lifeblood.  Willow succumbed to the darkness; maybe she’d get what she really deserved in the next life?

The end

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 Willow and Xander fanfiction