Title:  Memories of you.

Author: Sarah

Email: taraka66@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB. I’ve just borrowed them for a little adventure then I promise I will return them!

Summary:  Meeting someone from the past helps to recover lost memories.

Authors Notes: Yet again I’ve tampered with the timeline.  After Graduation, Oz and Willow went through a rough patch.  Xander left on his road trip.  Anymore and I’ll give my story away. You’ll just have to read and see!

Feedback: I always enjoy feedback; it gives me the courage to write another story!

Part One

“Mommy?” the little girl caught her Mother’s attention as she tucked in her daughter’s duvet.

“Yes sweetheart?” her mother replied, her green eyes glistening in the darkness.

“Tell me about how you met Daddy?” she asked, her eyes pleading with her mother.

“It’s getting late, Hannah.  You really need to get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day.”

“But Mommy! I promise I’ll go straight to sleep after you’ve finished the story.”

Her mother smiled.  Hannah loved her mother’s smile; it always made her feel happy and safe.

“Okay, poppet. But I’m holding you to your promise.”

“Alright Mommy.” Hannah replied as she snuggled under her duvet.

Her mother cuddled up beside her and began to fiddle with her daughter’s long auburn hair.

“Where shall I start?” she asked her daughter, knowing that she’d say what she always said.

“At the beginning Mommy!” Hannah exclaimed her voice filled with laughter.  “You know you can’t start a story anywhere else but at the beginning.”

“The beginning it is then sweetheart.” She smiled, amazed at how much she loved her daughter, she was the most important person in her life.

Hannah snuggled into her mother’s arms and waited for the story to start.

“The day I met your Daddy was my first day at Kindergarten” Hannah’s mother began. “I was scared.  I’d never been anywhere before with so many children.  Grandma took me to school and left me with my teacher Miss Stevens.  I watched the other children play.  I wanted to join them, but I was too scared to talk to them.  I’d never had anyone to play with; I’d always been by myself. That was until I met your Daddy.

“I decided to sit in the book corner.  I picked up a book, which I loved to read. It’s one of your favourites too, Hannah.  Cinderella.  I tried to lose myself in the magic of the story, pretend that I wasn’t sitting alone with no one to play with.

“A girl came over to me, her friends watching as she began to talk to me.  I hoped she was going to ask me to play with her, but instead she was mean to me.

“She said ‘You look like something that crawled out of the woodwork! Don’t you know pigtails are so not in!’ Then she turned away and walked back to her friends who were laughing at me.”

Hannah giggled “Why was Aunt Cordy always so mean to you when you were children?”

“I don’t know sweetheart.  I think she was scared, just like me.  Neither of us wanted to be alone.  And as we grew up we decided that we could be friends, and now we’re very good friends and she loves you very much.”

Hannah smiled, and thought of the last time she’d seen Aunt Cordy and Uncle Angel.  She liked it when they came to visit from L.A; they always brought her really nice presents.

“Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“Can we get back to the story please?  You haven’t gotten to the part where you met Daddy yet!” The little girl pleaded.

“You have to be patient Hannah! Who’s telling this story anyway?” Her mother asked, her eyes smiling and her hand gently rubbing her daughter’s cheek.

“You are Mommy!” Hannah replied, a huge smile on her face.

“Okay then!  I was so upset.  No one had ever been mean to me before.  I started to cry.  But I didn’t want Aunt Cordy to see she’d upset me, so I hid behind the book I was reading, hoping everything and everyone would disappear.

“That’s when I heard a voice ‘Don’t let Cordelia upset you. She’s just mean!’

“I wanted to look from behind my book but I was scared. Scared that the person who belonged to the voice was going to be mean to me as well.

“‘My name is Alexander LaVelle Harris’ the voice stated proudly from the other side of my book.

“‘Oh’ I whispered.”

“‘What’s your name?’ the voice asked.

“I wasn’t sure what I was going to say.  Willow isn’t a very common name.  Miss Steven’s had already told me she hadn’t met anyone with a name like mine.  I really wanted a friend, but I was scared the person who owned the voice would laugh at my name.”

“Daddy would never be mean to you” Hannah interjected.

“No Daddy wasn’t, but you must remember I didn’t know Daddy then.”

“Oh” Hannah thought for a moment.  “Okay.”

“Daddy waited for me to speak.  ‘Willow’ I said quietly.

“‘That’s a pretty name’ he replied. ‘Your hair is a pretty colour. It’s like the sun.  Do you wash it in the sunshine?’ he asked.”

Hannah giggled, “Daddy was silly, wasn’t he?”

“He was only four Hannah, the same age you nearly are.  Remember you asked me last week why your rabbit couldn’t talk like Bugs Bunny?”

Hannah nodded.

“Well when you’re small you don’t always understand everything.  That’s what Mommy and you’re friends are for. To help you when you don’t understand.”

Hannah yawned.

“Are you sleepy?” her mother asked.

The little girl shook her head vigorously.

“Are you sure?”

Hannah nodded her head.

Her mother continued, “I smiled from behind my book.  No one had ever said my hair was pretty before.

“‘Do you think I can see your face?’ he asked.

“‘Why?’

“‘Because you must be pretty for Cordelia to be mean to you’ he stated seriously.

“‘I’m not pretty, I’m Willow silly!’ I teased as I finally moved the book to see the little boy who had come to talk to me.  He had dark brown eyes and his hair was falling into his eyes and he had the biggest grin on his face I’d ever seen.

“He didn’t really look like an Alexander.  The only Alex I’d ever seen was on television, when I sneaked a peak at Family Ties and he certainly didn’t look like that Alex!

“‘Xander?’ I asked.

“He looked puzzled for a moment, and then he smiled again.

“‘Willow’ he replied.

“‘Would you like to be my friend?’ I asked quietly, crossing my fingers.

“‘Friends. I’d like that.  I’ve never had a friend before. Do you want to play in the sandbox?’ he asked hopefully.

“I nodded.

“He grasped my hand and we went over to the sandbox and began to play.  Building huge sandcastles and then knocking them down.

“That was the day I met your Daddy, sweetheart and it was one of the best days in my life.”  Willow smiled as she remembered the first day she met Xander.  The first day she realised that love really did exist, it wasn’t just part of a fairy story she read.

“Mommy. Do you think Jack and I will get married one day?” Hannah asked hopefully.

“Maybe sweetheart, we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we? Now you promised me you were going to sleep, remember?”

“Okay Mommy.  I love you.”

“I love you too.” Willow bent forward and kissed her daughter’s forehead, tucking her duvet up to her chin.

“Goodnight. Sleep tight. Make sure the bed bugs don’t bite!” Willow whispered as she closed the door to her daughter’s room.

Willow went downstairs to the lounge and picked up a photograph from the mantelpiece.  It was the last photo she had of Xander.

It was taken the day before Xander went on his road trip.  The day he left to find himself, not knowing that one moment of passion had led to Hannah. 

Willow knew Xander was still alive, she could feel it.  She made the wish she’d made every day since she realised he wasn’t going to come back for College.  She wished that he would come home to meet the daughter he never knew he had.

Part Two

Summer 1999. (Four years earlier)

Willow opened her eyes, aware that she was wrapped in someone’s arms.  Then she remembered last night.

* * * *

Xander had come over to her house to spend his last night in Sunnydale with her, before going on his road trip.  They had spent the night watching their favourite movies.  Reminiscing about their lives together.

Willow and Xander talked about everything, only avoiding the one thing in their history that had caused more pain and guilt than either of them had ever hoped to cause.  Both held the events of Homecoming close to their heart, but they had promised each other and Oz a long time ago that they would not bring up that topic of conversation again.

Although tonight Willow needed to talk to Xander.  He was the one person who would understand. 

Willow inhaled deeply and began to explain to Xander how Oz was becoming distant, ignoring her.  It was as if he wasn’t in love with her anymore.  He had been insecure since he found her and Xander in the factory, but they had both tried their best to reassure him that there was nothing more to their relationship than friendship.  And it was a promise they’d kept. 

It was then Willow dropped the bombshell.  Oz had broken up with her, insisting that their relationship would never work.  Willow couldn’t look at Xander; her eyes were looking intently at the pattern on the couch.  She could sense Xander stiffen at her side, unsure how to react.

After several minutes he had reacted, and it wasn’t how Willow expected him to react.

“I’m sure Oz loves you, he’s right for you.” He’d said, his voice calm and even, not betraying any emotion.

Willow couldn’t understand how Xander knew who was right for her.  He’d spent too long ignoring her, treating her a friend when she’d spent most of her life waiting for him to open his eyes and really see her.  When he did, she was already in a relationship with someone else.  She’d tried to do the right thing, but had been caught up in the swirl of emotions she’d never thought she’d experience with Xander.  Then it had ended out of guilt and their friendship had been pushed to the limit.  Now not only was her relationship with Oz over, Xander was leaving her.  Could her life really get any worse?

Angrily, Willow leapt from the couch and launched a verbal attack at Xander “What makes you the person to know what’s right for me? You never even noticed I was a girl in the girl kind of way until I was dating Oz!  If I’d have waited for you to notice me I’d have been ninety and in a retirement home!” She shouted. Her body shaking with the anger that coursed through her.

Xander sat on the couch his face contorted into a look of horror and sudden realisation.

When Willow’s tirade ended she had crumbled, emotionally and physically. 

As she sat on the carpet sobbing, she felt his arms encircle her, pulling her into his embrace.  Xander's head gently resting against hers. Attempting to comfort her by stroking her hair with his hand, he whispered words of comfort and apologies into her ear.  But it was the three final words that shook Willow more than any other words she had heard in her life.  Xander whispered, “I love you.”

Willow couldn’t believe her ears. Xander loved her?

She allowed herself to look in his eyes, and for the first time she saw the truth.  The truth of how much he loved her.

“Don’t go tomorrow, stay?” She’d asked, her voice full of pain and hope.

“I have to Will. I have to go. I need to find out who I am, what I want from life.  Other than you that is.” He replied, a small smile on his lips. “Believe me when I say I love you.  You’re the most important person in my life, you always have been.  I’m just not very good at admitting my feelings, even to you.”

“I know, but I’m going to miss you, now that we’ve finally found each other.” She’d replied, her eyes searching his, pleading silently.

“When I come home we’ll see if it’s the right time for us.  I’m only going for three months.  We’ve waited this long, do you think I can ask you to wait a little longer?” He asked his hand still playing with her hair, relishing in the softness of it.

“I’m patient Xander. I’ve waited fourteen years, what’s twelve more weeks?” she’d replied a small smile on her lips.

“I love you, Willow Rosenberg.”

“I know. I love you too.” Willow replied; her voice filled with happiness and hope.

Their lips met in a kiss that signified the beginning of something better than either of them had ever dreamt.

* * * *

Willow watched him sleep, committing everything to memory.  She wouldn’t see him for three whole months.  The longest she’d ever been apart from him was when she’d stayed with her Grandma for two weeks when she was eight.  She’d spent hours every day talking to him on the phone.

His brown eyes opened and met hers. A smile crossed his lips. 

“Good morning” he said as he began to play with a loose strand of her hair.

“Good morning.” Willow replied, her voice quiet. 

“I could get used to waking up next to you.”

“Mmm” Willow agreed.

“I hate to leave you now, but you do understand why I have to go don’t you?” He asked, his eyes searching hers.

“Yes. I’m not going to say I won’t miss you, but do you think you could promise me something?” She asked.

“What?”

“Come home safely. . .and soon.” She added as her lips moved closer to his.

“I promise.  Have I ever been able to deny one of your requests?”

Willow thought for a second. “No.”

Their lips met again in a perfect kiss.

* * * *

Willow watched as Xander loaded his bags into the trunk of his Uncle’s car. 

Her heart felt that it was being split in two.

Xander turned to look at her, a camera grasped in his hand.  He took her picture. “For me to remember how beautiful you are.” He admitted, his eyes filled with love and pain.

“Let me know you’re safe, Xander.” She requested, as he walked towards her.

“Always.  But you’ll know in here.” He said, pointing to her heart.  “Just as I’ll know you’re safe in here.” He added moving her hand to cover his heart. “I love you Willow. Don’t forget will you?” he asked, his dark brown eyes glinting with love and hope.

“I could never forget.” She replied as their lips met for the final time.

When they parted, Willow’s eyes were filled with tears.  Xander gently rubbed them away with his fingertips.  His heart breaking that he was still hurting Willow, it was something he just couldn’t avoid, however hard he tried.

“I’ll be back in time for you to go to college. I promise.” He smiled, trying to be brave.

“Three months isn’t long.” She replied, reinforcing the time they would be separated.

“Bye, Will” he said, removing his fingers from her cheek.  He turned and walked to his car.

Willow hugged her arms to herself as she watched him walk out of her life.

He smiled sorrowfully and waved before driving down the street.

Willow felt as if half of her heart had just driven out of her life.

* * * *

Two weeks later.

Willow picked up the postcard from the mailbox. Xander had sent her a postcard nearly every day, keeping her informed of his movements and what was happening in his life. 

Willow glanced quickly at the picture before turning the postcard over to read of Xander’s latest adventure.

“Hi Will,

The scenery around here is great.  Just think, in two weeks I’ve seen more of this country than I have in my entire life.

Only ten weeks until I come home.  Remember I love you.

Xander”

Willow smiled, she could imagine him exploring all of the different places.

She took the postcard and pinned it on her notice board with the others he had sent.

* * * *

Eight weeks later.

“Are you ok, Will?” Buffy asked as she helped Willow pack her things ready for the move to their new apartment near the college campus.

“Just an upset stomach, that’s all.  And I’m worried about Xander.  I haven’t heard from  him in nearly two weeks.”

“He’ll be okay.  He’s probably enjoying himself too much to write.”

“Yeah, probably forgotten about me.” Willow sighed.

“He could never do that. He loves you Willow.  He always has.  He was just to stubborn to realise it.” Buffy reassured her friend.

“I just miss him.” Willow sighed again.

“I know, but in two weeks he’ll be back home and everything will return to normal. Well, as normal as it gets living on a Hellmouth.”

Willow paled before Buffy, her skin turning a greenish grey.  She turned and hurried towards the bathroom.

Buffy followed her to check on her friend.  “Willow, tell me what’s wrong.” She demanded, watching as her friend sat on the bathroom floor, her knees tucked up under her chin, rocking backwards and forwards.  Tears coursing down her cheeks.

Willow turned to look at Buffy, her green eyes full of confusion. “I think I’m pregnant” Willow whispered.

“Pregnant?” Buffy asked, a tone of shock in her voice.  “Are you sure?”

Willow shook her head.  “Not sure as in 100%, I just think I am.”

“We need to know.  You need to know.” Buffy explained seriously.

“I know, but I’m scared.” Willow began, tears streaming down her face.

“It will be okay Will, I promise.” Buffy assured her friend, as she hugged her.

* * * *

Buffy and Willow waited, perched on the edge of Willow’s bed, both staring intently at the floor.

Willow glanced at her watch.  “The five minutes are up.” She said nervously.

“Well are you going to look? Or am I?” Buffy asked.

Willow stood up and checked the test.  “Ooh” Willow gasped as her face paled as she examined the test.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“There’s a blue line.” Willow whispered. “I’m pregnant. I’m having Xander’s baby!” Willow exclaimed uncertainly.

“Oh Will!” Buffy exclaimed as she embraced her friend.  “Everything will work out. I know it will.” Buffy promised.

* * * *

1 month later.

College had started.  Willow and Buffy were beginning to settle in, making friends.  Well, Buffy had made friends with a nice T.A after attempting to render him unconscious with a psychology textbook.  Willow was happy that Buffy’s life was finally heading in a positive direction again.

Willow however, was growing more and more concerned about Xander.  She hadn’t heard from him in nearly two months.  He had promised he would come back, and he’d never broken a promise to her before.

Willow tried to throw herself into her course work as well as planning what she was going to do when the baby arrived.  Giles, Buffy, Cordelia and even Angel had promised to support her when the baby arrived.  But the one person who she really wanted had disappeared off the face of the Earth, and she had a horrible feeling he wasn’t about to come home now.

* * * *

6 months later.

Willow cradled her daughter in her arms.  The last ten hours had been excruciatingly painful, but Buffy had been there with her every step of the way.  Willow looked into her daughter’s blue eyes, the doctor had told her they would probably change.  Willow hoped they would turn brown, just like her father’s.

“Welcome to Sunnydale, Hannah Alexandra Harris Rosenberg” Willow whispered to the baby as she gently kissed her daughter’s forehead.

* * * * 

Buffy had taken photos of the newest addition to Sunnydale, and Willow had begun to keep a scrapbook of every important step in Hannah’s life. 

Her first tooth, her first step, her first Christmas, Hanukkah and birthday were all immortalised in her scrapbook, so that when Xander returned he would be able to share in his daughter’s life.

* * * *

March 2003

Tomorrow would be Hannah’s fourth birthday.  Her fourth one without her father, although as far as Hannah was concerned he was as real as if he’d been with her every day of her life.  Willow had chosen to tell her daughter everything about her father, because one day she hoped that her daughter would finally be able to meet him, and grow to love him just as Willow still did.

“Xander, where ever you are, please come home.  I need you.  Hannah needs you.” Willow whispered into the silence, before turning the light off and heading for bed.

* * * *

Part Three

March 4^th 2003

Willow was woken by Hannah jumping on to her bed.

“Morning Mommy, I’m four!” She exclaimed as she began to jump up and down on her mother’s bed.

“I know sweetheart. Happy Birthday.” Willow smiled as she watched her daughter bounce, full of energy. “I suppose we ought to see whether there are any birthday presents for you hadn’t we?” Willow asked, watching as her daughter smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

* * * *

Hannah quickly unwrapped her presents.  She smiled happily when she found a beautiful Cinderella doll inside her final present.

“Thank you, Mommy.” Hannah said leaning forward and embracing her mother tightly.

“I thought you’d like it sweetheart.  Now we’d better get ready we’ve got a busy day today.  Grandpa Giles and Aunt Buffy are going to come over and help with your birthday party.”

“What about Uncle Riley?” Hannah asked.

“We’ll see.  Uncle Spike might be coming too.”

Hannah scrunched up her face.  Uncle Spike frightened her a little.  He had accidentally scared her when she was small.  Hannah had found him in the basement at Aunt Buffy’s house, when she had been playing there.  Uncle Spike had screamed, and so had Hannah.  Neither of them expected to see the other.  Since then, Hannah had been a little nervous about Spike.

“Hannah!” Her mother exclaimed a smile on her face.  “You know Uncle Spike would never hurt you or your friends.”

“I know, he just frightens me sometimes and he won’t play in the sunshine with me!” Hannah explained, trying to make her mother understand.

“I’ve explained that Uncle Angel and Uncle Spike can’t go out in the sunshine because it makes them sick.”

“I know. But Grandpa Giles can’t run very fast when we play Tag!”  The little girl sighed.

“I know sweetheart, but he tries his best.  Come on I’ll race you to the bathroom!” Willow challenged her daughter.

Hannah leapt from the floor and hurried towards the stairs.

* * * *

“Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday to you,

Happy Birthday dear Hannah,

Happy Birthday to you.” Hannah’s friends and family sang to her.

Hannah took a deep breath and attempted to blow out the four candles on her birthday cake.

She smiled triumphantly when the four flames were extinguished.

“Make a wish” Willow urged.

“Hannah thought for a minute and whispered something into the air, then she smiled at her mother.

* * * *

Willow and Buffy watched Hannah and her friends playing pin the tail on the donkey.  Willow smiled as she watched her daughter playing happily.

“I can’t believe how fast she’s grown.  It doesn’t seem like four years ago today that she was born.” Buffy said.

Willow nodded.  “I know.  Xander’s missed so much, not being here.” She said simply.

“I don’t know what to say or do, Will.  We’ve tried everything to find him.” Buffy replied, watching her friend intently.

“You can’t find someone who doesn’t want to be found though, can you?”  Willow replied with sad acceptance in her voice.  “I don’t think he’s ever coming home, Buffy.” She admitted, moving away from the party, not wanting her daughter to see how upset she was.

* * *

March 5^th 2003

“Hello?” Willow spoke quietly into the telephone.

“Willow. It’s Angel. Would you be able to come up to L.A for a couple of days? I need your help.” He asked.

“I don’t know.  What about Hannah?  Why?” Willow asked, confused why Angel needed her to fly up to L.A.

“I can’t explain over the phone, but it is really important that you come up though.  And I think Hannah should stay there.  Do you think Buffy and Giles would look after her?” Angel asked.

“I’m not sure.   I’ve never left her before and L.A is quite a long way from here.  Can’t we sort whatever it is out over the telephone?” She asked hopefully.

“No I need you to come up here in person and quickly.” There was an urgent tone to his voice, a tone that Willow had never associated with Angel before.

 * * * *

Willow waved to Hannah, Giles and Buffy once more before entering the doors to the departure lounge.  Hannah waved enthusiastically; thrilled that she would be spending a few days with her favourite aunt.

As Willow sat on the plane, her mind was desperately trying to figure out what was so important that she had to drop everything and rush to L.A.  However hard she thought, she couldn’t come up with a plausible answer.

* * * *

Willow walked into Angel’s building.  She looked around; it hadn’t changed much since her last visit, which had been soon after she’d started college.

Cordy was sitting at her desk reading a magazine.  When she heard the door open, she glanced up from her magazine, her face breaking out into a huge smile.

“Willow!” She exclaimed, leaping from her chair and hurrying to embrace her friend.

“Cordy.” Willow replied, smiling happily as she stood back from Cordelia, both taking in the other’s appearance.

“Do you know why Angel needs me here?” Willow asked.  Cordy visibly paled at her question.

“I think you need to talk to Angel.  Angel!” She called.

A rumbling and crashing sound came from his office, before the door opened and Angel appeared.

“Willow” he smiled, walking over and quickly embracing her.

“Angel” Willow replied, happy to see her friends, but becoming more confused by the moment. “What was so important that I had to drop everything and dash up here?” she asked, looking at Angel intently.

“Cordy, put the answer machine on.  I think we’ll go downstairs to discuss this.” Angel explained as he guided Willow down to his apartment. 

Cordy nodded and Willow began to panic, she knew now that something serious was happening.

 * * * *

Willow, Angel and Cordy sat around the kitchen table drinking Cordelia’s coffee.  After four years Cordy’s coffee making skills hadn’t improved.

Willow waited patiently in the uneasy silence of the room.  When she couldn’t wait a moment longer she asked the question that had been preying on her mind, since her phone call from Angel yesterday. “Why am I here?” She asked, a firm tone to her voice.

Angel looked up from his coffee a pained look on his face.  “A new client came in yesterday wanting me to help him locate a woman.   He had a photograph of her.”

“What does a photograph have to do with me?” Willow asked.

“Willow.  The woman in the photograph was you.” Angel stated, watching her closely for a reaction.

Willow sat for a moment confused.  “Who would have a photograph of me and why would they want to find me?” She asked, hoping that Cordy and Angel could solve the mystery.

“Willow,” Cordy began.  “The man with the photograph, it was Xander.”

Willow dropped her cup, sending coffee everywhere.  She leapt from her seat and stood before her friends in a state of complete shock. “Xander?” She whispered.

Cordy and Angel nodded.

* * * *

Part Four

Willow couldn’t move; she couldn’t get over the fact that Xander had been in Angel’s office yesterday.  Why would he need to find her? Surely he knew she’d be waiting in Sunnydale.

“Willow?” Cordy asked, touching her shoulder gently.

Willow turned her head to look at Cordy.  “Why didn’t he know where I was? He should have known I’d still be in Sunnydale, or why not ask my parents, or anyone I knew.” Willow babbled, trying to put into words all of the questions that suddenly were rushing around her brain.

“He didn’t recognise Cordy or myself.” Angel explained.

“We knew something was wrong when he didn’t call Angel Dead boy.” Cordelia explained.

“He said his name was Thomas Smith.  He explained that he didn’t know the name of the person in the photograph, but he knew somehow she was important to him.” Angel explained.  “I didn’t let on that I knew it was you.  I wanted to check with you first, see if you wanted to meet with him.” Angel continued, glancing briefly at Cordy, who only flinched slightly in response.

“Meet with him!  I don’t know.  I’ve waited for him to come home for four years.  It might not be him. He could be a doppelganger from some other universe!” Willow exclaimed on the verge of hysteria.

“Well, if we hadn’t already met your evil twin, I would have knocked the doppelganger idea on the head.  But he seemed just like Xander, but a little different some how.  He didn’t have the same dreadful sense of humour.” Cordy explained, watching her friend, trying to measure her reaction.  “He seemed confused, lost even.”

“Willow, if you need time to think, take it.  I have a number where we can contact him.  There’s no rush, he isn’t going anywhere.” Angel tried to reassure her.

“It’s not just me I’m thinking about, it’s Hannah.  Do I have the right to deny her an opportunity to meet her father?  But if he’s changed, she’s going to be so disappointed. I’ve spent the past four years teaching her about the Xander I used to know. . .  I don’t know what to do.  I’m definitely going to have to think this over.  Would it be okay to call Buffy, ask her advice?”

“Of course it’s okay.  Angel and I have business upstairs.  Just make yourself comfortable down here.  I’ve set up the guest room.” Cordy explained.

“No Cordy, you’ve set up my room!” Angel complained slightly.

“Well you’re a night owl, you don’t need it, and anyway Dennis is a little funny about houseguests.  Although you could always stay at my place, you know how much he likes you!” Cordy retaliated.

“No, the sofa will be fine.” Angel replied quickly. “Come on lets give Willow some time to think.”

Angel and Cordy climbed the staircase and left Willow to her thoughts.

* * * *

“Do you think it could be Xander?” Buffy asked.

“I don’t know what I think.  Why would he change his name?  Why wouldn’t he remember my name?  Oh Buffy, I’m so confused.”  Willow sighed into the receiver.

“Look, you need to meet with him, or get Angel to meet with him.  Ask the questions that are in your mind.   If you know the answers it will help you to decide what you need to do, both for you and Hannah.”

“When did you get so wise?” Willow asked.

“I have a very good friend who’s taught me a lot since I first met her, and I’m pleased I can help her now.”  Buffy replied.

“Thank you.” Willow said simply.

“That’s okay Will, I’m glad I can help.  Now I have a very excited four year old here trying to grab the receiver from me.  She’s just worn Grandpa Giles out, she’s had him playing house all morning and he’s just finished playing catch in the garden!”

Willow giggled.  “She’s not being too much trouble is she?”

“Hannah trouble? No she’s been as good as gold.  She even let Spike braid her hair!”

“Well that’s amazing, I didn’t know Spike could braid hair!” Willow replied, her voice lighter now that she was talking about Hannah.

“Spike has many hidden talents, although I’m sure he just wants to make up for scaring Hannah that time! Anyway, someone’s getting very impatient.  Take care Will, call me if you need me.” Buffy replied, before handing over the receiver to Hannah.

“Mommy?” a little voice asked.

“Hannah.  Are you having a good time with Aunt Buffy and Grandpa Giles?” Willow asked.

“Did you know that Grandpa Giles can change a diaper?” Hannah asked, an astonished tone to her voice.

“Well he had a lot of practise changing yours.  Why was Grandpa Giles changing diapers?”

“He was helping me look after baby Jack.” Hannah explained. 

Baby Jack was Hannah’s baby doll; it was named after her best friend Jack.  “Well I’m glad baby Jack’s in such good hands.  What else have you been doing?”

“Uncle Spike braided my hair! He’s put pretty ribbons in as well. I like Uncle Spike, he’s fun to be around, and he doesn’t scare me any more.  And he calls me poppet just like you do, Mommy!”

“I’m pleased you’re having such a good time.  But I really have to go now.  Remember I love you Hannah and I’ll be home soon.”

“I love you too Mommy.  Bye bye.”

"Bye Hannah.” Willow said just as the line clicked, disconnecting the call.

* * * *

Willow opened the door into the outer office.  Cordelia looked up from her desk, concern washing over her face.

“Are you okay, Willow?” she asked.

“I’m getting there.  I’ve made a decision.” 

“Come on we’ll go and tell Angel.” Cordy said motioning Willow to follow her to Angel’s office.

Cordy knocked sharply once, before opening the door into Angel’s office.

Angel was sitting behind his desk lost in thought.  He jolted at the sudden appearance of Cordy and Willow.

“Willow’s made a decision.” Cordy explained.

Willow hovered in the doorway, still not one hundred percent sure she’d made the right decision.  But she was certain she couldn’t live with what ifs?  She needed to understand why Xander never returned, and this could be her only opportunity to find out.

Angel looked at her trying to gauge her response.  He waited patiently for her to answer.

“I would like to know more.  Is there any chance you could meet with him again?  Ask the questions I need to know, and then I can make the decision whether or not I need to meet him.  I don’t want to put myself or Hannah at any risk by opening up to the wrong person.”

Angel thought for a moment.  “Sounds like a good idea.  Have you got the questions you need answering?” he asked.

Willow nodded, handing him a piece of paper, which she’d held in her hand.  “I think this is all I need to know in order to make my decision.”

“Alright, I’ll set up a meeting. Don’t worry Willow, we’ll find out just what’s going on.”

Willow sighed, she hoped that whatever happened, she could finally move on in whatever direction she needed to.  Not only for Hannah, but for herself as well.

* * * *

Willow paced nervously as she waited for Angel’s meeting with Thomas Smith to finish.

“I wish you’d stop pacing, Willow.  You remind me of Giles.  If you had a book in one hand and a pair of glasses in the other you would be a perfect replica of him.” Cordy teased as she watched her friend from the sofa.  “Angel will find the answers you need.  He’s very good at all this, even if he won’t admit it.”

“Cordy, could I ask you something?” Willow asked, momentarily stopping and standing still.

“Sure, anything. But whether I choose to answer is an entirely different matter.”

“Why do you think Xander never came home?” Willow asked quietly.

“Willow, he should have come back.  He loved you; it was obvious you were the most important person in his life.  More important than his parents, you were his family.  Did you know I was jealous of you when we were small?” Cordy asked.

Willow shook her head.

“I was.  He always defended you, stood up to me on your behalf.  No one ever did that for me, well until Xander and I…  you know?”

Willow nodded.

“Even when we were dating, all he could talk about was you.  I was so jealous that you were the first thought in his mind.  Then that night at the factory, it confirmed every nightmare I’d had about him and you.  I knew deep down in my heart that I was only a diversion, one day he would finally recognise how much he loved you and leave me.  He just had lousy timing, that’s all.”

Willow giggled. “Lousy timing for sure.  He finally tells me he loves me then leaves on his road trip and doesn’t come home.”

“Something must have happened Willow, he couldn’t leave you ever.  He told you before though that he loved you.”

Willow shook her head.  “No, the first time he told me was the night before he left to go on his road trip.”

“No, he told you before Willow.  The night of the attack at the library, the night Kendra died.”  Cordelia explained, her voice softening as she remembered their friend.

“He didn’t Cordy, I would have remembered him telling me he loved me. I’d waited nearly fourteen years for him to tell me.  It’s something I would have remembered.”

“He didn’t know I was in the doorway to your hospital room.  You were comatose, and he was explaining why you should come back.  He mentioned algebra and lots of other things, he was rambling big time, and then he told you he loved you and my heart broke.  I think his did too.”

“I remember,” Willow said as she recalled the moment, “I said Oz. I thought he was the only person who would say those things.  I never realised it was Xander.  Oh.” Willow sighed, thinking about the pain that she had caused Xander that night.

“But you got there in the end.” Cordy tried to sound cheerful.

“Yes we got there, he left and I had our child.”

“But you wouldn’t be without Hannah would you?”

“No she’s the most important person in my life.  She reminds me so much of Xander, she even has his puppy dog eyes!  I will never, ever regret Hannah, she signifies our love.  I just wish she’d had the opportunity to know her father.  He would have loved her so much.  I know he’d have made a great father.”

“He still might have the opportunity, Willow. We’ll just have to wait and see.”

* * * *

“Well?” Cordy asked as Angel entered the apartment. “What did Thomas/Xander whatever he’s called have to say?” she pressed.

“It seems that he doesn’t know anything about his life before September 1999.  He was found in the middle of nowhere, beaten and barely holding onto life.  The only possession he had was the photograph.  No identification or anything.  When he woke from his coma, he couldn’t remember anything.  The doctors assured him his memory would come back, but it didn’t.  He’s spent the last four years trying to rebuild his life, but the one thing that connects him to his past is the photograph.  He can’t move on until he knows about you, Willow.  He has a feeling you’re the key to his past and possibly his future.  Willow, I think he’s Xander, and it would explain a lot.” Angel explained.

“I took the liberty of checking his story out, and everything he said is true.  I believe him, Willow.  It’s your decision whether or not you meet him.  Whatever you decide though I’ll support you, and Cordy will too.”

Cordy nodded.  “It’s ironic really that he came to us for help.”

“He said he just liked the name, it reminded him of something.” Angel explained.

“Home.” Willow whispered.  “If it’s him Angel, if it’s really him. I can’t not meet him.  I need to; I’ve waited for what’s seemed like forever.  I need to know, to understand.  If I meet him, I’ll know if he’s telling me the truth.”

“Willow, he might not remember you.” Angel said gently.

“There’s only one way to find out.” Willow said, her resolve face showing that she meant every word.

* * * *

Willow sat nervously in Angel’s office.  In five minutes Xander would be here.  Well Thomas Smith would be here.  Willow fiddled with the ring on her middle finger, it was a nervous habit she’d had since she was a teenager.

Willow heard voices in the outer office.  She inhaled deeply; she was about to find out the answer to the most important question of the last four years.  What had happened to Xander?

The door opened and she gasped.  He looked a little older, his hair was shorter and he was wearing a suit.  But in her heart she knew it was Xander.  The question was, did he remember her?

Part Five

Willow couldn’t help but stare.  After four years, she just wanted to let his image filter into her mind.

Xander/Thomas returned her gaze, although he didn’t appear to recognise her.  “Hello.” He said quietly.

Angel followed him into the office.

“Hello.” Willow replied, her eyes still studying him intently.

“Willow.  This is Thomas Smith.” Angel explained.

“Willow.” Thomas said her name as if he was hoping it would spark a memory. “That’s an unusual name.  I should have remembered a name like that” A tone of sadness filled his voice.

“Don’t worry, maybe you just need time.” Willow tried to smile reassuringly.  The lost look in his eyes causing her heart to ache.

Thomas sat down next to Willow, his eyes still studying her.

Willow shifted nervously in her seat, she could see Xander, but it was as if a complete stranger inhabited his body.   “If you don’t mind me asking, what do you remember?” Willow asked, her eyes meeting his dark chocolate brown ones.

He paused a moment, then smiled.

Willow’s heart skipped a beat.  The smile on his lips was the one he’d always saved just for her.  Suddenly, she was looking at the eight year old who wanted her to climb the tree with him; the sixteen year old wanting her to help him with his algebra.  Her life had always been intertwined with his, and the last four years suddenly seemed so lonely without him.

 A knock at the door interrupted their conversation.  Cordy opened the door, a smile crossing her face.  “Angel, I have an important client on the telephone.”

“Can’t it wait Cordelia?" Angel asked, slightly annoyed at the interruption.

“No, it is really important.” She insisted, a stern glare accompanying her words.

“But. . .” Angel tried.

“No buts! You are needed in my office.”

Angel relented, suddenly aware that Cordy usually had a pretty good reason for interrupting a meeting.  “Okay, thank you Cordy.  If you’ll excuse me.” Angel apologised as he left his office.  Cordelia winked and grinned as she closed the door.

Willow giggled.

“What?” Thomas asked, a look of confusion crossing his voice.

“I think Cordy felt that having Angel in the room might restrain the conversation!” She smiled, her green eyes shining.

“Do you know both of them well?” He asked cautiously.

“Yes, since high school.  Cordy and I were friends, well sort of, although, we’d known each other since kindergarten.  Angel used to date another of our friends, Buffy.  She’s still at home with Giles and Spike.” Willow babbled sharing more history than she really wanted to.

“Whoa! Slow down please, too many names.  Did I know those people too?” He asked.

“Yes. You knew them too. Well I think you did.” Willow smiled gently.

“Aren’t you sure I’m the person you think I am?” He asked, his brown eyes searching hers, looking for answers.

“Well,” Willow began, choosing her words carefully. “My friend left four years ago to explore the country.  He wrote to me for the first two weeks of his journey, then..” Willow looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. “Then I didn’t hear anything.  Although I knew he was still alive.  I just couldn’t understand why he never contacted me.”

“Were you close?”

“Close? Yes, we were friends from kindergarten.  We grew up together, shared so many things.” Had a daughter, Willow added silently, not wanting to bring Hannah into the discussion quite yet. 

“Well then, you would be the person who could help me.  Help me remember who I really am.” 

“What can I do?” Willow asked, smiling at the hope in his voice.

“Give me memories.” He added quietly.  “I don’t remember anything from my childhood, my family or my friends.  All I had of my past was my photograph of you, and I always felt that the photograph held the key to my past, and I think you are the keeper of that key Willow. Please help me?”

Willow looked up and was met with his handsome face and the puppy dog eyes that she’d never been able to resist.  She’d regret not helping him, because hopefully, if she held the key she would be able to unlock his memories and bring Xander back.   She nodded her head, hoping that she wouldn’t regret this decision.

* * * *

Cordy sat on the couch, stirring her coffee as she interrogated Willow for every detail. “Well?” The question hung in the air.

“Well what?” Willow replied, not making it easy for Cordy.

“Well.  Is he Xander?” She asked hopefully.

“I think he is.” Willow replied. “On the outside at least.  The inside, I’m not so sure.  That’s why I’m going to get to know him a little better.” She smiled, enjoying the look of complete shock on Cordelia’s face.

“Get to know him? Willow, if it’s Xander you’ve known him forever, surely he remembers you?” Cordelia asked, frustration evident in her voice.

“I want to make sure it’s him Cordy.  He’s hurt me too many times before. He’s not sure who he is, and he seems to think I’m the only person who can help him.  So I’m going to try my best and I’m going to try and not get hurt again.”

“Be careful Will.” Cordy advised, knowing how much her friend suffered after Xander had left four years earlier.

“I intend to Cordy.  I’m not just playing with my feelings anymore but Hannah’s too.”

* * * *

“Mommy, when are you coming home?” her daughter demanded. 

Willow smiled; she could imagine Hannah sitting on the other end of the phone, her face contorted into a frown, trying to understand why her mother hadn’t returned sooner.  “Soon honey.  Uncle Angel needs my help.  Are you okay?” She asked, worried that her daughter might be upset.

“I’m fine Mommy, I just miss you.  Aunt Buffy doesn’t tell bed time stories like you do.  She tries Mommy, but . . .” Hannah’s voice quavered.

As Willow listened to her daughter’s voice, her heart ached.  “Well would you like a story now?” she asked, hoping to relieve her daughter’s distress.

“How can you read me a story, you’re in the phone?” The little girl asked, a confused tone to her voice.

Another smile crossed her lips “Hannah, I can tell a story on the phone, trust me.  Now are you sitting comfortably?”

“Yes Mommy,” Hannah replied, a little happier.

“Once upon a time. . .” Willow began.

* * * *

“How’s Hannah?” Angel asked, when Willow returned the receiver to its cradle.

“Missing her mother.” Willow explained sadly.

“Well, you could go home.” He offered.

Willow shook her head, “No, I couldn’t leave him, not until I know whether somewhere inside Xander’s hiding.  I need to know whether there’s any chance of him coming back.”

“But you don’t know how long that will take.  He hasn’t remembered in four years.” Angel explained.

“I know, but I’m here, I’ve got to try.”

* * * *

Part Six

Five Days later.

Willow opened the door and smiled as Thomas stood there, a small smile on his lips.  “Hey Will,” he said, a look of recognition passing over his face quickly.  “Did I used to call you Will?” He asked, trying to understand where the name came from.

Willow nodded.  “Yes you used to call me Will, you were the first person to ever shorten my name.  Actually, you were the first person to ever show me any kindness.”

“Surely you had lots of friends as a child?”

“No, for most of my childhood you and Jesse were my only friends, at least until Buffy came to Sunnydale.” Willow had told Thomas about Sunnydale.

“You used to call me Xander.  Why?”

“I’ve always called you that. To me you’ve always been Xander, even from our very first meeting.”

“Tell me about our past, Willow.” He requested, his eyes pleading with her.

“Okay.” She smiled, enjoying spending time with her old - well her new friend.  Willow began to recount the story of their first day at kindergarten.

“So I was your knight in shining armour?” he teased, when Willow finished her story.

“Well you tried, but I don’t think it ever quite worked out as you planned!” She giggled.

“But I had good intentions?”

“Always.”

“Hey, do you want to go and see a movie?” he asked out of the blue.

“A movie?” She asked a little shocked.

“Yes, you know.  You go to a theatre, sit in the seats, and watch a huge screen!”

“And you eat all of the popcorn!”

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do at the theatre?”

Willow thought for a moment.  “Well, it is if we go together.”

“Did we used to go together?” He asked, a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Yes, every Saturday morning, from the age of eight to fourteen.  You used to enjoy the cartoons, and Jesse used to enjoy the action films.”

“What films did you enjoy?” he asked.

“I didn’t mind, I was happy just to be with my friends.  Although I did have a soft spot for Cinderella.  But both of you only watched it once, refusing ever to go and see a ‘girl’ film again!” Willow smiled, as she recalled her childhood.

“Then Cinderella it is.  I owe you something from our childhood.” He replied seriously.

“You owe me nothing, I had a great time growing up with you.”

“I just wish I could remember.” He said solemnly.

“You will.”

“How do you know?”

“Trust me.  I just do.”

* * * *

As they left the theatre, Thomas took Willow’s hand in his.  Willow looked up quickly , her eyes full of questions.

“Sorry,” he began to apologise. “It just felt so right.”

“I’m sorry,” She started, “I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”

“'It's a mad house! A mad. . ” Thomas started.

Willow looked at him, a look of confusion spreading over her face.

Thomas tried again, a small smile crossing his lips.  “It’s a mad house! A mad. .”

Willow smiled remembering “Planet of the Apes!”

“Can I finish please?” Thomas continued, a glint of happiness in his eyes.

“Oh, sorry, go ahead.”

“House!”

“Use the force, Luke.” Willow continued remembering the game from the summer Buffy stayed with her father in L.A.

“Do I have to dignify that with an guess?” Thomas continued.

“Xander?” Willow asked hopefully.

“No still Thomas, but with a really strange memory of us playing that game somewhere before.” He stated with a mild tone of seriousness.

“Oh.” Willow replied dejectedly, her heart and hopes sinking momentarily.

“But remembering is a good thing right?” He asked, hoping that he hadn’t blown the friendship he was building with Willow.

“Remembering is definitely of the good.” Willow replied.  “I was just raising my hopes a little high, that’s all.”

“I’m sorry Will, I wish I could remember.  The last few days have been the happiest I’ve had for a very long time.  Well, for at least the time I can remember.”

“It’s not your fault, I’m just not very patient.”

“No, you’re the most patient person I know.  I vaguely remember you telling me that you were a patient person, having to wait. . .er. . .fourteen years.” He looked confused. “What would you wait fourteen years for?”

“Me waiting fourteen years, I don’t think so.” She laughed nervously. His memory was coming back, but not exactly how she’d envisioned it returning. “Fourteen minutes maybe, but definitely not fourteen years. I don’t think I’d wait for anything for fourteen years.” She said, hoping that he wouldn’t be cross when he found out the truth. 

“Do you want to get some ice-cream?”

“Ice-cream?” she asked, remembering the night they’d played the movie game. The night when Xander had nearly kissed her.

“Yes ice-cream.  I seem to remember we used to like eating ice-cream.”

“Well, you definitely liked ice-cream, I just used to come along for the rocky road ride!” she teased, returning his smile.

Thomas gently took her hand, watching her face carefully.  “Ice-cream it is then.” He said as she smiled and gently tightened her grasp on his hand.

* * * *

“Cordy, I think he’s remembering.” Willow said as she played with the spoon in her coffee.

“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Cordy asked.

“But what if he’s forgotten he loves me?” Willow asked, as she intently watched the coffee swirl in her cup.

“He could never forget, Willow. He was born to love you, just as you were born to love him.  You do still love him don’t you?” Cordy asked, watching her friend.

“Yes, I do.  But somehow it’s different.  It’s as if I’m falling in love again with someone who isn’t Xander.  It’s like I’m betraying him.  He looks like Xander, he’s beginning to act more like Xander, but there’s this different quality about him.  Something I can’t put my finger on.”

“Willow.”

Willow looked up from her coffee, meeting her friend’s gaze.

“He is different.  He’s grown up.  He’s had to deal with a lot of different things the past four years.  Just like you’ve grown up. You both have different responsibilities.  But inside you’re both still the same.  Trust me.”

“I’ll trust you. You’ve never been wrong before.” Willow replied, a small smile breaking across her lips.

* * * *

“Hello?” Willow asked, as she spoke into the telephone receiver.

“Willow?” The British voice asked.

“Giles?”

“Willow, there’s been an accident.”

Willow dropped the phone. “Hannah.” She whispered, her heart breaking and her stomach churning.

“Willow!  Willow!” Giles’ voice echoed in the receiver.

Cordy rushed over from the kitchen counter and grabbed the receiver.

“Giles, talk.” She demanded.

“Hannah’s in the hospital. I don’t know how she got out.  She managed to get into the road.  She’s been run over, Cordelia.  It’s serious.  Willow needs to be here.” Giles explained, his voice breaking with emotion.

“I’ll make sure she’s there as soon as is humanly possible.” Cordy replied. “Giles, take care of Hannah.”

Cordy turned to look at her friend.  Her face was visibly pale, her body shaking as she tried to control her emotions.  “Willow.” Cordy spoke to her, gently touching her shoulder.

Willow turned to look at her, her green eyes filled with tears that were threatening to flow from her eyes.

“Willow.  We need to get you home.”

Willow nodded.  “Hannah.” She mumbled.  “I should never have left her.”

"She’ll be alright Willow.  She has to be.”  Cordy embraced her friend, silently praying that her words were true.

Part Seven

Willow gazed down at her daughter’s pale form.  Hannah’s face looked so peaceful, her hair framing her face as she slept.  She wasn’t really asleep though; she was comatose.  Her right arm and leg encased in plaster.

“Hannah?  Hannah sweetheart, Mommy’s here.” Willow whispered as she caressed her daughter’s face.  “Wake up sweetheart,” she pleaded, tears flowing silently down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry Will,” Buffy apologised as she gently touched her friend’s shoulder. 

Willow turned to look at her friend.  “How did it happen?” She asked, wanting to understand how her daughter could get run over.

“I turned my back for a second.  She wanted to play in the garden with her ball.  I went to get her coat and then I heard the bang.” Buffy explained, tears falling down her cheeks.  “She’d managed to open the gate and get into the road.  She was chasing her ball Will, I was too late.” The words echoed in the room.

“It was an accident.” Willow replied graciously, knowing that Hannah could have been run over just as easily in her care.  “I should have been here.”

“You couldn’t know Willow.  Don’t blame yourself.”

“I don’t know who to blame Buffy.  I left my daughter on a whim.  A whim that hasn’t panned out, and now look at her.” Willow replied bitterly.

“It wasn’t a whim Willow.  You needed to know whether he was Xander.  You needed to know so that you could move on, live your life with Hannah.”

“I can’t lose her Buffy, she’s everything to me.”  Willow cried as sobs racked through her body.

“You won’t, I promise.” Buffy attempted to comfort her friend hoping that the words she spoke were the truth. She pulled her friend in to her embrace.

* * * *

Cordy looked up from her desk at the sound of the door opening.  She smiled pleasantly when she saw Thomas standing in the doorway.  “Hi.”

“Hi. Is Willow around?” he asked, his brown eyes glinting with hope.

Cordy’s face clouded with concern.  “She’s had to go home, a family emergency.  She couldn’t stay to say goodbye.”

“Gone home.” He said, his voice and face filled with disappointment. “Oh.”

“She would have stayed, but it really was a family emergency.” Cordy explained, trying to lessen the shock of Willow’s sudden departure.

“I can’t let her walk out of my life, Cordy.  I made the mistake of leaving her four years ago.”

Cordy looked at him intently, he was beginning to sound more and more like Xander every time she talked to him. 

“I need to make everything right again.  I don’t think I can live without her.  The last week has been the happiest I’ve ever had, well that I can remember ever having.  I’ve remembered more in the past six days than I have in the last four years.  She definitely holds the key to my memories, and she was just starting to unlock them for me.” He poured out his heart, his voice gently shaking with emotion.

“Why don’t you go back to Sunnydale?” She asked.

He thought for a moment.  “I never considered going there.  I was happy here with Willow, but now she’s gone, I suppose I could go back.  Especially if my history’s there.”

“You never know, you might find your memory.” Cordy suggested.

Angel’s door opened, his voice causing them both to turn, interrupting their conversation.  “Has Willow called about Han…” he started, suddenly noticing Thomas, stopping mid sentence.

Cordy rolled her eyes, “No Angel, she hasn’t called about her handbag.” She said hastily, thinking of anything she could use instead of Hannah.

“Oh.” Angel said, relief washing over his face.

“Handbag?” Thomas asked confused.

“She left it here, I’m going to take it to her.” Cordy started. “Perhaps you could come with me Thomas?  Company might be nice.” She suggested, hoping that she could control how much information Thomas received if he went back to Sunnydale.

“You’re going to Sunnydale?” Angel asked slightly puzzled.

“Yes we are, remember?” Cordy pointed out.

Angel realised that Cordy had an ulterior motive and decided it would be better to play along, for now anyway.  “Oh, yes.  I remember.  What time are we leaving?”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

* * * *

Buffy and Riley emerged from their house when they arrived in Sunnydale. Buffy gasped when she saw Thomas, in her mind he couldn’t be anyone other than Xander.

Cordy hurried forward and embraced Buffy, whispering conspiratorially that she had to bring Thomas, because she definitely hadn’t wanted him to make his own way to Sunnydale.

Buffy nodded as their embrace ended.  “Angel, Cordy, you remember Riley don’t you?” she asked pleasantly.

Cordy and Angel nodded. 

“Thomas, this is B...” Angel began.

“Buffy.” Thomas supplied, a broad smile crossing his lips. 

Buffy returned the smile.  “It’s nice to meet you Thomas.”

“How’s Willow?” Thomas asked, his eyes suddenly filling with concern.

“Okay, she’s spending time at the hospital.” Buffy began, trying to avoid explaining why.  “Giles is there with her.” She added. 

“Giles?” Thomas asked.

“A friend, well more like our father really.” Buffy began. “Now you’re staying with us, all of you.” Buffy continued, quickly changing the subject. 

* * * *

Riley, Angel and Thomas carried the bags in from the car, depositing them carefully in the hall.

“Angel, the guest room downstairs is ready, I hope you don’t mind sharing with Spike?” Buffy asked.

Angel grimaced, “It will be fine, I’m sure.”

Cordy stifled a giggle.  “It will be nice for the two of you to get acquainted again. Catch up on the gossip” 

Angel glared at Cordy.

“Riley will show you downstairs. I’ll take Cordy and Thomas up to their rooms.” Buffy smiled a dazzling smile before turning and hastily climbing the stairs.

* * * *

Thomas looked at the photographs on the mantelpiece.  There were pictures of Willow, Buffy and himself. Well he thought it was himself.  One picture stirred distant memories, although he couldn’t quite access them.  It was a photograph of the three of them sitting in the sunshine, smiling happily at the camera. Thomas had his hand draped protectively over Willow’s shoulder and she was carefully leaning against him. 

As he looked at the photograph, he could almost hear their voices, the conversation.  But it was just out of his grasp.  

He saw another picture, one of a little girl.  She looked a lot like Willow, except for the fact that she had dark brown eyes.  She smiled innocently at the person holding the camera.    Thomas couldn’t help but smile, as he suddenly remembered something from his past.  It was an image of Willow smiling happily as they played together in the sandbox.  He tried to access more of the memory, but it faded just as all of his other memories faded.

“Are you ok?” A familiar voice asked from behind him.

He turned to see Buffy studying him intently.  “I was just looking at the photographs.” He explained.

Buffy smiled wistfully.  “They remind me of happier times.”

“Who’s the little girl in the picture?” He asked, indicating the picture that had stirred the memory.

Buffy faltered, her face reddening.  “Oh, that’s a picture of Riley’s niece.” She explained quickly. Hoping that Thomas wouldn’t recognise the lie, well it wasn’t really a lie.  Hannah did call him Uncle Riley. “Why?”

“She reminded me of Willow, that’s all.”

“Do you remember your childhood?” Buffy asked eagerly.

“No. I just had a flashback of Willow and I playing in the sandbox.” He explained.

“Oh, but flashbacks are good right?”

“Yep, definitely.  Since I met Willow I’ve been having more and more of them.” He thought for a moment.  “Is Willow in a relationship?”

The question shocked Buffy she hadn’t expected it.  “No, she’s currently foot loose and fancy free!”

“Oh.” Thomas smiled.

* * * *

Willow sat holding Hannah’s hand.  Her daughter still hadn’t woken, and Willow understood that the longer she remained unconscious the less likely it was that she’d wake up.

Willow began to tell Hannah the story of Cinderella, knowing that it was one of her favourites.  She didn’t hear Buffy open the door and enter the room.

“Hey Will,” Buffy whispered.

“Hey, Buffy,” Willow replied, glancing up to look at her friend.

“How is she?”

“Still sleeping.”

“Willow,” Buffy began “Thomas is here in Sunnydale.  He came up with Cordy and Angel.”

Willow paled. “Why?”  She asked, in a voice that was barely audible.

“He missed you, he needed to see you.  You do realise he’s Xander, don’t you?” Buffy asked.

Willow nodded.  “In here I know,” she replied, her hand moving to cover her heart. “But he doesn’t remember Buffy.  I can’t wait for him to remember, I need to be here for Hannah.” Willow paused.  “You didn’t tell him about Hannah did you?”  She asked, her voice rising in panic.

“No Will, I didn’t.  But he knows you’re here because of a family emergency.  It’s not going to take him long to pick up that we’re hiding something from him.  And he’s going to want to see you.”

“Well I can’t see him.  Not until I know Hannah’s going to be okay.”

“Look, we’ll do our best to shelter him from the truth, but it is going to come out and you’re going to have to deal with it.”

“I know, I just need time.”

“Well, time he has.  And I think being here is going to help him remember.”

“I hope so, because right now I need him.” Willow admitted honestly.

“I know.” Buffy replied, placing her hand on her friend’s shoulder.

* * * *

Buffy opened the door and found Giles standing on the porch. “Hi Giles,” she said enthusiastically.  “Have you just come from the hospital?" He nodded.

“Hannah’s the same and Will is too. I’m getting really worried about Willow.”

“I know. I am too.”

Buffy and Giles headed toward the kitchen.

“How’s Angel getting on with Spike?” Giles asked, a slight bemused look on his face.

“Well they haven’t killed each other yet.  But I think their patience is wearing thin.” Buffy smiled.  “Would you like some tea?”

“That would be nice.” Giles replied.

“Buffy. . .” A familiar voice began as he entered the room.

“Thomas,” Buffy turned “you haven’t met G. .” She began.

“G-Man” Thomas finished a puzzled look on his face, not sure where the name had come from.

Giles rolled his eyes and sighed simultaneously.  “I prefer Giles actually.”

Buffy giggled.

“What?” Thomas asked his voice filled with confusion.

“Xander used to call Giles that all the time, and he hated it.”

“I’m sorry.” Thomas began.

“No, I’ve actually missed the name.” Giles allowed.

Thomas smiled.  Being in Sunnydale were certainly allowing his memories to flow.

* * * *

As Thomas walked past the cemetery he had a horrible feeling that he’d spent a long time in there at night.  Chasing and being chased by something less than human.  As he stood there and watched he felt shivers move up and down his spine.  This was a more unpleasant memory than any he’d had before.  He knew he’d have to ask Buffy when he got back.

* * * *

“Buffy?” He began as he walked into the lounge.

“Yes.” She replied, looking up from her magazine.  

“What’s my link with the cemetery?” he asked.

Her face clouded.  “What do you remember?”

“I was walking and I came across the cemetery.  I remember being chased and chasing something that wasn’t quite human.  But I don’t remember exactly what.”

“Not quite human?” she asked.

“Well I remember big teeth and yellow eyes.” He shuddered as the image passed through his mind “And little wooden stakes.”

“Stakes?” She asked innocently.

“Little wooden things often used to kill vampires.” As the sentence escaped his lips a look of realisation crossed his face.  “Vampires.” He said the word again, trying to understand the images that floated in his mind.  He could see Willow, Cordy, Giles and another woman hanging over a skeleton.  He saw Buffy and Angel fighting, and he remembered holding Willow, silently praying she’d be okay.

Buffy watched him, his face visibly paling.  “Are you alright?”

“I think I need to sit down.” He said as he moved towards the couch.  He looked directly at Buffy pinning her eyes with his own.  “Vampires are real aren’t they?”

“Vampires! Real! No!” Buffy replied trying to sound confident.  Unfortunately, she wasn’t a very good liar.

“Buffy I remember. Well not as in remember everything, but I do remember Willow, Cordy, Giles and another woman hanging over a table with a skeleton on it.  And a small child and lots of vampires with yellow eyes and big teeth! You and Angel fought them.” He explained nervously.

“You’ve got a very good imagination.” Buffy tried.

“It’s not my imagination and you know it! Sunnydale is situated on a mystical convergence, that we fondly refer to as the Hellmouth.” Thomas was shocked as the words poured from his lips.  He couldn’t stop as more and more memories filtered into his mind.

“You’re a vampire slayer. Giles is or rather was your Watcher.  Angel and Spike are vampires!” He exclaimed leaping into the air with shock. “Angel and Spike are vampires! I’m staying in a house with vampires!  Does Riley know?” He asked seriously.

“Yes Riley knows.  Angel is a good vampire. He has a soul.” Buffy began to explain, hoping that Thomas would calm down.  “Spike doesn’t have a soul but he can’t hurt anyone, he’s sort of been neutered.”

“Neutered?  I think I need to sit down again.” He said, sitting quickly, hoping that the last few minutes were a dream, a false memory.  Although the more he thought about it the more real it seemed.  “Willow, Cordy and I used to help you didn’t we?”

“Yes we were the. .”

“Scooby gang.” He finished. “Willow researched, I helped and Cordy moaned!”

“Hey I object to that reference.  I was always there when you needed me.” Cordy said seriously from the doorway.

“But not always willingly.  Especially if it interfered with cheerleading.” Thomas continued.

“Cheerleading is a sport!  I had to work long and hard. . .” Cordy paused a smile crossing her face.  “When did you remember I was a cheerleader and the Scooby gang?”

“Just now.” He replied.

“He remembers the vampires too!” Buffy added smiling.

“Do you remember anything else?” Cordy asked hopefully, thinking of Willow.

Thomas shook his head.  “No, the one person I truly want to remember is still just out of my grasp.” He said ruefully glancing at the photographs on the mantelpiece. “Do you have any more photographs of my childhood?”

“No but Willow does.  I could head over there and get them.” Buffy offered, before remembering that Willow’s house held a secret, a rather big one.

“Please and I’ll come too.” He requested, his brown eyes pleading with Buffy.

“But. . .” Buffy began to try and think of a plausible excuse why he couldn’t come over to Willow’s.

“That’s settled then we’re off to Willow’s!”

Buffy forced a smile onto her lips.  Willow’s secret was about to be let out of the bag.

* * * *

Part Eight

As Buffy stopped the car outside Willow and Hannah’s home, Thomas’ face filled with a look of recognition.

“Willow grew up here, didn’t she?” He asked.

“Yes, and from what you both told me you spent a great deal of time here.”

“Are Willow’s parents still here?”

“No,” Buffy began “They moved to Europe for research purposes.  They let Willow keep the house, look after it until they return.”

“Oh.”

“Come on, let’s go and find those memories!” Buffy exclaimed, opening the car door and stepping out into the sunshine.

* * * *

As Thomas walked into the hallway an image of Willow dashing down the stairs surfaced from his memory.  She was about eight years old, her green eyes shining with happiness and her long auburn hair flying out behind her.

Thomas smiled.

“What?” Buffy asked.

“I was just remembering,” he sighed.

“Come on Will keeps her photographs in here.” She explained, leading Thomas into the living room.

Thomas looked around the room.  As he looked, more and more images and memories flowed through his mind.  It was as if everything in the room stirred his mind allowing him finally to be close to grasping the truth.

He recalled Willow’s fifth birthday party when he’d given her a Barbie doll.  He remembered dating and breaking up with her when he’d accidentally decapitated the Barbie with his toy sword, five days later.  

“Hey I found the photo albums!” Buffy exclaimed from behind him.

“Oh.  Great.”

“You could sound enthusiastic, I’m trying to help you remember.” Buffy teased.

“It’s just that I feel at home here, I’m remembering more.  I just wish. .”

“What?”

“That I could remember everything.”

“You will. Slayer’s honour!” Buffy smiled “Now lets look at these photographs!”

* * * *

Thomas looked through the photographs, seeing images of himself and Willow at various stages of childhood.  There were pictures of both of them with another boy.  Buffy explained that it was Jesse. As he looked at him, Thomas remembered Jesse’s death.  “I should have saved him.”

“You did. You killed the vampire Thomas, you set him free.” Buffy replied, her eyes filled with sympathy.

“It’s just hard accepting that I killed one of my best friends, even though he was a vampire.”

“We tried to save him, Thomas.  That’s all we can ever do.”

He turned the page and saw a picture of Buffy, Willow, Cordy, himself and another man.  He remembered him, but couldn’t understand why.  He pointed to him, waiting for Buffy to elaborate.

“That’s Oz.”

“Oz.” Thomas tested the name. “He was Willow’s boyfriend. . . He was a werewolf!”

“Ten out of ten for memory there.  Just think you had a very interesting high school career.”

“I’m glad I didn’t remember in the hospital, they’d have thought I’d have lost my marbles.”

“Are you sure you haven’t?” Buffy grinned, as Thomas batted her arm returning her smile.

“If I didn’t know it was true, I probably would consider giving myself in to the nearest hospital!”

“Let’s see what’s in here.” Buffy suggested picking up a large book from the table.  As she opened it she let out a gasp.

“What?” Thomas asked perplexed.

“I don’t know whether you should see this one.  I don’t think Willow would want you to see it.”

“Why, is it her private journal?”

“Not exactly.” Buffy looked up at the ceiling. “I hope you can forgive me Will.” She said as she handed the book to Thomas.

Thomas opened it, lifting the first postcard from its protective sleeve.  As he read, he began to remember, remember leaving Willow, for an adventure. Promising to return, although he didn’t.

“Hi Will,

I can’t believe it. I’m on the road to L.A. I’ve left Sunnydale behind.  Do you know the only thing I really miss is you?  Although I’ve got your picture to remind me of just how beautiful you are.  Try to keep smilin’ I’ll be back in eleven weeks and six days I promise!

Remember I love you

Xander”

As Thomas picked up more of the postcards, he realised Willow had kept them all.  Keeping every word he’d written in their time apart.  He smiled.  She really did love him, more than he’d ever realised.  He remembered driving away from her, telling her that she’d know he was safe in her heart, just as he knew she was safe in his heart.  It was something he’d known everyday, even when he couldn’t remember her name. He knew that the woman in his photograph held the key to everything, his heart, his soul and his memory.  And now she was finally unlocking it for him.

When he’d finished looking at the postcards, he moved on to the remainder of the book.  His heart ached as he read Willow’s words, he could feel the pain as she explained how much she missed him.  He was a little confused when he came to a strange picture.  It was a black picture with little white swirls and blobs.  He glanced up at Buffy, hoping that she could explain. Buffy met his gaze.

“It’s Hannah’s first picture.” She said simply.

“Hannah?”

“Keep looking. Willow explains everything.”

He turned over the picture. Willow had written a caption on the back.

“Xander. I wish you were here.  This is the first picture of our baby.  I can’t believe that in five months I’m going to be a mother. We’re going to be parents.”

“A baby?”

“Yes.  Hannah.”

“Hannah?  I have a daughter.”

“Yes a beautiful four year old.”

“The little girl in the photograph at your house?” he asked, suddenly remembering the image of the little girl that looked like Willow, except for her brown eyes.

“Yes.  That’s a picture of your daughter.  Willow’s daughter.”

Thomas turned the pages of the book quickly, absorbing the details of Hannah’s life.   The photograph taken shortly after her birth, Willow cradling her precious bundle, a look of pure unconditional love on her face as she looked at her daughter.  Hannah’s first birthday, her first tooth, her first steps.  Willow had catalogued every important step in their daughter’s life and written a personal memory for him.  It was as if she was attempting to give him the memories his amnesia had cheated him from.

“Why didn’t she tell me?” he asked Buffy, pain in his voice.

“Because she was scared.  She’d hoped for four years that you’d come back, and then you arrive in Angel’s office.  She was afraid it wouldn’t be you.  But she knew, she just had difficulty accepting that you’d forgotten everything, and if she told you about Hannah, she thought you might only come back to her because of your daughter, not because you love her.”

“But I do love her.  I’ve always loved her.  Yes I admit I spent most of my teenage years being blind, but I told her.  The night she was in hospital.  I kissed her the night we tried on our clothes for Homecoming.  She was so beautiful in that black dress, her hair shining in the light, her green eyes staring at me.  I should have fought for her Buffy, but I let her return to Oz’s arms.” He paused to breathe before he continued, “The night before I left, everything changed.  We were finally free.  We could be together, and I left her the next morning, promising to return and I didn’t. I couldn’t. I forgot everything.  How can she forgive me?”

“She already has, she never had to forgive you because she loves you. She always has.  But she needs you now Thomas.” Buffy urged.

“Xander, my name is Xander.” He whispered.

“Xander?”

“I remember everything.  Why does she need me now?”

“Hannah’s ill in hospital.” Buffy explained simply.

“Hannah’s ill? The family emergency.  Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Willow made us promise not to tell you until you remembered.”

“Well I do remember and I need to be with Willow, with our daughter.”

“Alright. Come on I’ll take you.”

* * * *

Xander watched Willow from the doorway.  She held Hannah’s hand, Willow’s face was pale and her auburn hair hung loosely around her face.  He listened carefully recognising the story from their childhood.

“Cinderella ran from the hall as the clock struck midnight.  The handsome prince watching as she disappeared into the night.” Willow paused, her hand tenderly moving a strand of hair from her daughter’s face. “Cinderella left her glass slipper on the stairs as she ran away.”

“The prince picked it up, knowing that he’d be able to find her.” Xander interjected, as Willow looked up her eyes meeting his.

“Thomas.” She said.

Xander shook his head.  “No Will. Xander.”

“Xander?” Willow asked tears falling from her eyes.

“Yes Willow, I’m home and I’m never going again. I promise.”

She released her daughter’s hand walking towards him, entering his embrace, her tears gently soaking his shirt.  “I missed you Xander.”

“I know, I read everything Willow.  You gave me more than my memories back.  You gave me the chance to know everything about our daughter.  About Hannah.” He stroked her hair, relishing its softness.  “I love you.”

“I love you too Xander.” Willow couldn’t believe that he was back, back when she needed him most. She stepped back from his embrace, studying his face making sure that the words he’d spoke were the truth.  As she looked into his eyes she realised that everything he’d said was true.  Xander was finally home.

* * * *

“You saw Hannah’s book?” Willow asked, trying to understand how Xander’s memory had returned.

“Yes.  Buffy took me to your house, hoping that the photographs would help me to remember.  We found Hannah’s book.  You had kept every memory of Hannah’s life.  You kept my postcards.” Xander paused, his throat dry with emotion. “Can you forgive me?  Forgive me for not coming home sooner.  Forgive me for missing four years of yours and Hannah’s life.”

“There’s nothing to forgive Xander, you came home.  A little longer than three months, but you came home.”  Willow smiled as she grasped his hand.  “Now come and talk to Hannah.”

Xander followed Willow to Hannah’s bedside, gazing down in amazement at the child he and Willow had created.  Created out of love.

He gently grasped Hannah’s tiny hand and admired her angelic features.  She looked remarkably like Willow. “Hannah,” he whispered.

“Hannah, Daddy’s home.” Willow smiled, tightening her grip on Xander’s hand, afraid that if she let it go his memory would disappear again.

Hannah didn’t respond, locked away in her subconscious.

“Let’s finish her story together, Will. Maybe we need a happy ending.”  Xander suggested, Willow nodded in agreement.

“Cinderella returned home. . .” Xander began, “And they lived happily ever after.”

Willow watched her daughter praying that she’d wake up.  As she waited her hopes faded.  She turned to Xander moving into his arms; drawing the comfort he’d always given her before.

“It will be okay Will.  I promise.” He reassured her.

“I hope so.”

* * * *

Willow was asleep, her head resting against Xander’s shoulder.  She looked relaxed as they both sat by Hannah’s bed hoping and waiting.

Xander marvelled at Hannah, he found himself understanding why Willow wanted to protect her.  At this moment he would have given anything to have her wake up, because he could see the strain it was putting on Willow.

Buffy had told him on the journey to the hospital, that Willow had refused to leave Hannah’s bedside.  If Willow hadn’t been in L.A with him, then perhaps Hannah wouldn’t have been hurt. 

What ifs.  He couldn’t live his life with what ifs. He began to talk to Hannah quietly relieving the silence of the room.  “Did Mommy ever tell you about the first time I met her?” He asked his daughter, pausing briefly before he continued. 

Willow listened as Xander told Hannah of their first day in kindergarten.  How Cordy had been mean to her.  She smiled as she heard Xander’s description of when he first noticed her.

“I saw Mommy’s hair first.  It shone like gold; she had the prettiest hair I’d ever seen.  I thought she must have a pretty face too, but I couldn’t tell because she’d hidden her face behind a book.

I went over to her. I told her my name but she gave me a new name, a name I’ve used ever since.  I was so proud Hannah; no one had ever given me a new name before.  Then Mommy told me her name.  Willow, it was the prettiest name I’d ever heard and it still is.  I knew then that we were going to be friends; best friends and we are Hannah. 

We left the book corner behind and went to paint a picture.” Xander paused.

“Mommy said you played in the sandbox.” Said a small voice.

Xander’s mouth opened with shock and Willow sat up quickly.

“Hannah?” Willow asked.

“Mommy, you told me you played in the sandbox.”

Willow smiled, “We did sweetheart, Daddy’s just a little confused, it’s been a long time since kindergarten.”

“A very long time.” Xander echoed, squeezing Willow’s hand.

“Daddy?” Hannah asked, her brown eyes studying her father’s face.

“Yes Hannah?”

“Are you home now?”

“Yes sweetheart, I’m home.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Epilogue.

12 months later.

Hannah looked at her mother.  She looked beautiful in her white dress.   Her auburn hair piled on top of her head and pretty white flowers threaded through the strands.

Hannah looked down at her own blue dress. She scrunched up her face.

“Hannah, what’s wrong?” Her Mother asked.

“Why can’t I have a pretty dress like yours?” She asked sullenly.

“You do have a pretty dress.  Remember Aunt Cordy helped to choose it.”

“I know, but I wanted a white one just like yours!" 

“I know honey, but when you’re older and you want to get married then you can have a white dress.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”  Willow knelt down and hugged her daughter. “Now we’d better hurry or Daddy might get a little worried!”

* * * *

Xander couldn’t help but smile as he watched Willow, Giles and Hannah walk up the aisle towards him.  Willow looked stunning in her dress, her eyes glinting with happiness.  Giles’ was delighted to be able to give Willow away, and Hannah mischievously kept moving to the side behind her Mother and waving furiously at her father and Uncle Angel. 

Xander couldn’t believe that today had finally arrived.  The day he was finally going to marry Willow and become a real family with Hannah, not that they hadn’t really been a family since his memory returned. 

The last twelve months had been magical, getting to know everyone again, especially Hannah.  He marvelled at the way she accepted him and loved him unconditionally, just as he loved her.  She could dance the Snoopy dance just like him and had exactly the same appetite, which often resulted in Willow rolling her eyes and smiling.  Willow and he had created the family for Hannah that neither of them had has as children, and he hoped they would always be able to provide one for her in the future.  Although, however uncertain things were in the future, he knew that he’d always love Willow and want to be with her, just as she loved him.  Their life until now hadn’t been easy, but then life rarely is.

The memory faded as he grasped Willow’s hand in his, gazing into her eyes as they exchanged their vows.  The world around them disappeared; all that was left was the two of them sharing their love and promises with the other.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, Mr and Mrs Harris.” The minister exclaimed.

Willow smiled, at the announcement.  Her eyes still focussed on her husband’s as they moved closer to seal their promises forever.  Their kiss signified the beginning of their future, a future that embraced the memories of the past, and one that allowed them to hope and reach for their dreams. 

“Mommy?” A little voice echoed through the church, interrupting the newlywed’s kiss.

“Yes Hannah?” Her mother replied.

“Am I a Harris now?”

“Yes Hannah, you’re a Harris, just like Mommy and me.” Xander explained.

As Xander finished his words, their friends and family smiled and laughed as they watched the new family leave the church to start their future together.

The End

Willow and Xander fanfiction