She had the sense to take a deep breath before the waves crashed into her. Buffeted in powerful swirling water, she felt herself turn upside down. Something yanked at her, and she struggled, desperately trying to reach the surface. Her lungs burned. I’m not gonna make it, she thought. Still, she held her breath, kicking her legs as hard as she could. Then the moment came when her body’s need forced her to inhale the water.

She took a deep breath of water, and her body seized. But she was fine. Over and over she breathed in the ocean, and now she could see brilliant beams of light sparkling and glowing through the water. She could see every form of life that existed in the ocean, down to the smallest plankton. She saw creatures that she had never imagined, and creatures that no longer existed. She breathed in the water, like it was air, and she felt at peace.

Then she awoke.

Rubbing her eyes, she felt something solid next to her. That was strange. She turned her head –her neck painfully announced that it was very stiff, indeed- and drew in a sharp gasp. Spike lay next to her, naked and sleeping.

Buffy remembered. She had slept with him again, this time with her blinders off. She had slept with him in spite of that hateful voice inside her that said over and over, “it’s wrong.” Her thighs ached and her shoulders felt tight. And why was her neck so stiff? Weird.

“Spike.” She shook the sleeping vampire’s shoulder. “Spike, wake up, I have to go. Dawn…”

His eyes opened then, and he blinked slowly. Just stared at her for a long moment. “Buffy?”

The Slayer gave him a wry look. “You were expecting…?”

He yawned. “Wasn’t expecting you to be here when I woke up. Thought you’d’ve run off already for the Bit.”

“I was having this dream…felt like it took forever, you know? Like it happened in slow motion?”

Spike slid closer to her and draped an arm over her waist. “Mmm.” His eyes had drifted shut again.

“It started off kinda scary but then I felt…” She hesitated.

Spike waited for a few seconds, but when the silence continued he prompted, “You felt what?”

“Peace.” Buffy avoided his gaze. Somehow her dream seemed much more intimate when she described it out loud. “Anyway, like I said, I have to meet my sister.”

Spike watched her as she dressed. She had to keep searching around to find all of her missing clothes but finally she had herself together again. He sat up in bed with his back against the headboard, wishing that he knew some way to avoid this awkwardness that enveloped them after sex.

Buffy finished tying her sneakers and came around the sit on his side of the bed. “So, um, I have to…”

“Yeah,” he answered.

The silence stretched out again, and Buffy wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say or do next. She had come to him this time, had spent a good part of the day in his bed by choice. Shouldn’t he at least kiss her goodbye or something? Then she felt annoyed that she was even spending time thinking about this when it was clear that she should have left already.

“So, I’ll see you, then,” she said quickly and stood up to go.

“When?” His voice sounded harsh in the stillness.

She turned around and opened her mouth.

Spike. Naked. In the bed that they had just shared. Naked.

Her feet carried her back to the bed. His blue eyes, which had remained carefully expressionless, flared with emotion. She leaned down and brushed her mouth against his. She pressed her forehead against his and looked into his eyes. “Soon,” she said.

He pulled her into his arms, and hugged her tightly. “Good.” He gave her a scorching kiss. “Go get Dawn now, Slayer.”

Buffy felt something twist in her chest. A wellspring of emotion churned about in there. She smiled wanly. “Bye,” she said softly. The she climbed the shaky ladder back up to ground level and left the crypt.

XXX

Dinner at 1630 Revello turned out to be a quiet, tense affair, filled with deafening silences and in Dawn’s case--fulminating glares shot across the table in Willow’s direction. Willow, for the most part, remained mute-- speaking only when spoken to, and then responding in monosyllables. Dawn tried to get Buffy to hold up part of a conversation, but Buffy was much too preoccupied by the emotions generated by this afternoons activities. Dawn rolled her eyes one last time then dumped her plate in the sink and headed upstairs.

“Will,” Buffy began hesitantly.

The redhead looked up from her uneaten meal. “Yes?”

Buffy paused with her back to the sink, searching for words. “Do you know anything about dream interpretation?”

Willow’s eyes brightened. “I have this book…oh. It was Tara’s.” She looked down again, but added, “I remember a lot of stuff, though. After we all had those freaky dreams, that time? Tara and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it all meant.”

“I had this dream this afternoon, and I…I can’t stop thinking about it. There was just…it was one of those dreams where the important thing isn’t so much about what happens, but how it makes you feel.”

“Buffy, tell me.” Willow smiled almost shyly at her friend. “I know that things lately…I want to help is all.”

Buffy recounted her dream of the tidal waves that hit from both sides, and how she’d been swept underwater, and disoriented. She paused as she got to the part about breathing water and then the words couldn’t come out quickly enough as she told Willow about how peaceful she felt there in the ocean.

“Wow.” Willow said.

Buffy’s eyebrows shot up. “This rates a wow? We mean wow in a good way, right? Not in an ‘it’s the end of the world way’, right?”

The witch leaned forward. “Water represents a lot of things in dreams, Buffy. First, it means emotions. And second, it means life. Life originated in the seas, you know. But off the top of my head, the fact that you have two tidal waves means that there are very strong feelings you’re having about something, and probably they’re conflicting with each other.”

“Hmm. That could make sense. But then how come I felt so peaceful when I was inhaling water? What’s that all about?”

Willow tilted her head to the side. “Well…maybe when you stopped fighting your emotions, and just went with the flow. You know, you can’t fight the tides.” Suddenly, her face paled and she cried, “Buffy, you’re not gonna do anything…rash are you?”

Taken aback, Buffy said, “I don’t know. Like what do you mean?”

Willow’s eyes filled with tears and she hung her head. “I know it’s my fault that you…that we pulled you out of—”

Buffy’s face softened. “Will. I’m not planning on killing myself, if that’s what you’re trying to ask.”

“Well, I was just thinking, you know, about finally going with the flow and…oh.” Realizing, she said, “Oooh. It’s a good thing. You allowed your emotions to overtake you and even though you thought you might die, it turned out okay anyway.”

Comprehension dawned on the Slayer. Softly she said, “I was sure I was going to die. And I was okay with that. But I didn’t, and I had a new existence waiting for me…my God….” Spike, she thought. “Willow, I…I have to patrol. Can you…?” She gestured at the kitchen.

“Sure, Buffy.”

The Slayer was out the door in moments. She strode quickly along the familiar route. Gotta love Sunnydale, she mused. Everything’s within a ten minute walk. As she walked her inner voices started up again.

Oh, Buffy? Have you figured out what you’re gonna do when you get there? Or is this a play it by ear kinda thing?

I guess I should tell Spike….

This ought to be good. Yes, tell him what exactly? Hmmm?

Shut up, she told herself. All I know is that I’m supposed to follow my emotions. And even if I think it might kill me, it won’t. Buffy shook her head and stopped.

“What am I doing?” she said. “I don’t have feelings like that for…for Spike!” But the words sounded forced and unnatural to her ears.

Slowly, she started forward again. New, unfamiliar words balanced precariously upon her lips. In a whisper she said, “I have feelings for Spike.” Buffy paused, and when she didn’t die, she decided to try again. “I care about Spike,” she said softly. She looked skyward as if waiting for the heavens to fall. Then the air hissed and her head hit the earth.

Dazed from the blow, she saw a vampire lean over her and smirk. “Slayer,” it said. “I’ve been wanting to meet…I mean, eat you.” He kicked her in the ribs.

Buffy’s head had cleared, and she lashed out with a foot, shattering his knee. She got to her feet, ignoring the screaming from her broken ribs. She pulled a stake from the waistband of her pants. “The feeling’s mutual. Too bad you won’t be around long enough for us to get to know each other.”

“Why, Slayer, you’re famous in the demon world. Everyone knows you’re the easiest layer...oops, I mean , Slayer, that ever walked the earth.”

They circled each other. The vampire grinned cruelly and said, “Oh, that’s right. You only sleep with vampires who have no bite anymore. Angelus. William, the Bloody.”

Buffy went motionless and gave him a look. He lunged at her, but this time Buffy was paying attention. She stepped aside and let the vamp slam into the tree she’d been leaning against.

“Bye-bye,” she said, as a shower of dust fell to the earth. “Thanks for playin’.” She stuffed the stake back in her waistband and gingerly felt her ribcage. It hurt to breathe and she was pretty sure some stuff was broken in there. She decided to keep heading to Spike’s. He would have some medical supplies. And she wanted to see him anyway.

XXX

Her right side was on fire by the time she made it to the familiar crypt. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it for a long moment, watching the candlelight dance and flicker.

“Spike?” she called.

His voice floated up through the hole in the floor. “I’m here, love. Come on down.”

“Thank you, Bob Barker,” she muttered. “I kind of, ow,… I need you to come up here, actually. Like, now, would be good.” She waited impatiently, guarding her injured side.

His hands appeared on the top rung of the ladder before he climbed all the way out. He looked at her curiously for a moment. “You okay, Slayer? Lookin’ a mite peaked.”

She sighed and then winced. “I need your help.”

His eyebrows shot up. “Well, now, that’s a familiar refrain, innit?”

“My ribs…are kinda broken. Can you wrap them?”

“Let me feel,” he said. He eased her jacket aside and slipped his hands against her side. His brow furrowed as he concentrated. “At least two, and maybe a third. Hurts, does it?”

Buffy glared. “Duh? Yes, it hurts. Can you help me wrap it or what?”

He shook his head. “You should see a doctor, love. But you won’t. So, give me a minute, and I’ll fix you all up.”

“I can come down there, if you want,” she offered.

Spike tilted his head to the side and gave her a look.

“What? It’s steps,” Buffy said. “I can do steps. Besides…it’s more comfortable down there. There’s…furniture and stuff.”

“Come on then. And mind the rungs on the ladder.” He climbed down, figuring that he could catch her if she lost her balance.

The Slayer decided that maneuvering down the rickety ladder was harder than she’d expected. When her feet finally reached the floor, she took a deep breath and immediately gasped in pain. She sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Heard that,” the vampire told her. He put a cardboard box at her feet and leaned over, rooting through the contents. “Hold this,” he ordered, and shoved an Ace bandage in her lap. More rooting, then a roll of white medical tape was thrust into her hands. “Take one of these,” he said, holding up a small bottle of pills.

Buffy peered at it. The prescription was in the name of Rupert Giles, and it was-“What’s…mep…mep…meperdinine?”

“Meperidine. Demerol. Pain killers. Rupert left then for me after…after Glory did her little number on me last year.” He took the tape from her and started tearing off long strips, sticking then to the edge of his night table. “So.” He stood up and stretched his back. “What beastie managed to do this to you, Slayer? Been slacking off on your training since Watcher boy left, or what?”

Buffy picked at the sheets with her fingertips. She really didn’t want to tell him that she had been so distracted by her epiphany about him that she’d gotten her ass kicked and been insulted by a common ordinary vampire. So she opened the bottle and swallowed two pills, dry. “I just…had a lot on my mind, you know? I got the job done.”

“Uh-huh,” he said flatly. “Take your shirt off.”

“What? No!”

Shaking his head, he said, “That’s just a knee-jerk reaction with you, isn’t it? Broken ribs, remember? You did come here so I could take care of you, right?”

Blood rushed to her face and she looked down. ‘Taking care of her’ had a new and different meaning lately. But, yeah. Ribs. She got it. She unbuttoned her shirt, still avoiding his eyes.

Spike pressed his lips together grimly. Dealing with this Slayer was like balancing on a tightrope. Always so bloody moody, she was. Efficiently, he wrapped the bandage snugly around her middle, running his hand along the material to smooth it down.

Buffy closed her eyes and yawned. All of the sudden she felt so tired. This whole night, her broken ribs…it all seemed very far away. For instance, she could hear Spike’s voice but she couldn’t understand what he was saying. She yawned again. “I had this really weird dream this afternoon,” she announced.

“That right?” he scooped her up and laid her on the bed. Buffy’s eyes never opened as she nestled her cheek into the pillow. Her finger tips rubbed a corner of the pillow case. Spike climbed carefully over her and lay on his side, facing her.

“Yep. There were these tidal waves…and I could breathe water.” She fell silent for a time, and Spike thought she had fallen asleep when she spoke again. “Willow said that it meant that I faced some emotional fear and—” huge yawn—“and went with the flow. That’s when the water turned to air or something.” Buffy forced her eyes to open and wasn’t startled at all to see Spike’s face about two inches from her own. She reached out and touched his cheek. Her lids drifted shut again. “You have the most beautiful eyes…”

Spike felt warmth suffuse his entire body. This was the first compliment the Slayer had ever paid him. Plus, she was drugged so she had no reason to lie. On the minus side, she was drugged so she wasn’t aware of having said it. Still, he thought, as a smile played on his lips, Buffy liked his eyes. His kissed her gently, brushing his mouth softly against hers.

He flipped to his other side for a moment to glance at the old watch on his night table. Buffy wouldn’t want to stay here all night. But…it wouldn’t hurt for her to sleep just a little while longer would it? A couple of hours, nothing more. Spike turned back to his Slayer and whispered, “Sweet dreams.”

Undertow