The Lady and the Unicorn
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Hilary
Title: The Lady and the Unicorn
Author: Keren and Meredith
E-mail: avssp@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Pairings: B/S (just be patient)
Distribution: Sure, just let us know
Spoilers: Sixth episode in the series Strange Bedfellows: Being the Unlikely Adventures of a Vampire and a Slayer, an alternate Buffyverse which diverges after “Crush”. Previous stories: All of You, Once Upon A Time, Head to Head, Across the Pond, and Walk a Mile.
Disclaimer: These characters aren’t ours. We just like to play with them. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, WB, and any other copyright holders. True Love Waits is a campaign sponsored by LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention. The Darth Vader theme from Star Wars was composed by John Williams. Cosmo is a trademark of the Hearst Corporation. The Unicorn Tapestries are on display (and the poster for sale) at the Cloisters branch of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The Terry Pratchett quote is from Lords and Ladies, published in October 1996 by HarperCollins.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Special thanks to Jason for his help with the fight scenes.
The Lady and the Unicorn
Nighttime in Sunnydale. Harmony is in her bedroom in her parent’s house. She is sitting on her pink, ruffled canopied bed, surrounded by dozens of stuffed unicorn toys. Her room itself appears to be a shrine to unicorns: posters adorn the walls, figurines fill every counter space, and even glittery unicorn stickers are placed haphazardly around the room. Harmony herself is holding a particularly large stuffed unicorn, and is talking to it.
Harmony: You understand me, don’t you sweetie? You were always there for me. I try to do the evil thing, really, I do, but it’s always Buffy! She was a party pooper in high school, and she’s a double party pooper now! It wasn’t enough that she killed all my minions, no! She had to take my Boo Boo too! She doesn’t even want him! But she can’t take you, can she? (Listens for a response, and continues as if she’s heard one) I wish you were bigger. I could ride you and brush your mane, and you could impale people on that pretty horn and I’d drink the blood. Wouldn’t that be great?
Suddenly, there is a flash of light outside Harmony’s window. She looks outside, and sees what appears to be a unicorn emerging from the woods behind her home.
*************************************************************
The next morning at Sunnydale University, Buffy, Willow and Tara make their way between classes together.
Buffy: So this is what school looks like.
Willow: What was it that tipped you off?
Buffy: The books, the chalk dust, stench of fear.
Willow: Can’t put one past you can we? Still, it must be nice to get back to normal after that whole Eclipse kuffuffle last week.
Buffy (looking anywhere but at Willow): Um...yeah.
Tara (quickly interjecting): Let’s let bygones be bygones, it’s all over, right?
Buffy (glaring at Tara behind Willow’s back): Yeah. Right.
Willow (utterly oblivious to the tension): So Buffy, have you read the Misanthrope yet?
Buffy: Uh...that’s a book, right?
Willow: Buffy!
Buffy: Relax Will, I got the main point. Hates men, I can relate.
Tara: P-people, actually.
Buffy: Gettin’ there too.
*************************************************************
Later that afternoon, the scoobies have congregated at the magic shop as usual. Buffy, Willow and Tara are seated around the table reading various schoolbooks, and Xander is seated, legs up on said table, reading a newspaper. Anya and Giles are milling about the store helping customers.
Xander (holds up paper): Anyone seen this? Listen: “Something Fishy in Sunnydale” Several hundred fish were discovered floating belly-up in the Sunnydale Park central pond this morning at 10 a.m. Park Ranger Carole Robinson, who made the discovery, says, “I can’t understand it. That pond has always provided a safe and clean home to our town’s wildlife.” The Sunnydale County Parks Commissioner is investigating the possibility of illegal dumping by local chemical companies, as well as the chance that by-products from nearby landfills may have seeped through the topsoil to contaminate the pond.
Buffy: And you’re reading this because...?
Xander: You know, uncanny natural phenomenon? Sign of the apocalypse? Figured you might want to jump in and avenge the environment.
Buffy: Fight for all that is good and gold-fishy? Not really in the Slayer job description.
Xander (rifles through the paper): Ok, how about this? Candace Johnson, a former Miss California, failed to appear at her scheduled lecture: “True Love Waits” at UC Sunnydale. Miss Johnson has used her position to act as a role model for teenagers to resist peer pressure to have sex before marriage, as well as to fight against eating disorders in our nation’s youth.
Buffy: Ok Mr. Current Events, do I look like I need a hobby? So chastity queen didn’t show, big deal.
Anya (swooping by on a round of the store): Maybe she’s having sex.
Buffy: Somehow, I can’t be too concerned.
*************************************************************
That evening, Harmony is sitting in her backyard, surrounded by unicorns. She has somehow managed to acquire a princess costume, complete with puffy sleeves and pointed hat with veil. One of the unicorns is kneeling next to her, its head in her lap.
Harmony: Ow! (Pushes the unicorn away from nibbling on her hand) Quit it! Ow! That’s enough! (She pushes its head out of her lap, and then gives a contented sigh) I’m so happy you’re here! Now you can help Mommy kill the Slayer! No more goody-two-shoes Buffy. Won’t Spikey be jealous?
*************************************************************
Meanwhile, in the graveyard, Buffy is walking along when she runs into Spike.
Buffy: I was just on the way to your humble abode.
Spike: Is the world ending again?
Buffy: Surprisingly, no. Just in the mood for some practice. And, oh! I got you this. (She hands him a cell phone)
Spike (turning it over in his hands): What’s this for?
Buffy: We call this a phone. It’s for calling people.
Spike: I’d guessed that.
Buffy: It’s so I don’t have to waste time running back and forth to your crypt every five minutes.
Spike (Giving her a sly grin): There’s room in there for two, luv. The place could use a woman’s touch...
Buffy: In your dreams. (She throws a punch at him)
Spike (moving back and avoiding it): Hey! Don’t break my nice new prezzie. (He carefully sets it down on a gravestone, walks back and punches her)
Buffy, annoyed at him making first contact, sends a spinning kick at his head, Spike, unable to block, goes spinning in the air, and lands on his back. He flips himself up, and deals her three quick successive blows to the face. As he is about to go for a fourth, she sweeps his legs out from under him and punches him in the chest after he hits the ground. Grunting, he rolls away and gets to his feet, and ducking an incoming punch, grabs her around the middle, throwing her several feet away where she lands in a heap. He advances on her, but she rolls on her side and kicks her legs out, hitting him in the kneecaps. He staggers back, and narrowly avoids a blow directed at his head, but is not so lucky as Buffy sends a kick to his stomach. She rushes in to push him back, but momentum gets the best of her, causing them both to topple to the ground, with her straddling him, faces inches apart. They breathe heavily for a few moments, looking into each other’s eyes, both unsure of what to do. Buffy begins to realize that she doesn’t seem to be getting up, and is not sure that she wants to.
Spike: So, how long have you been wanting to get me in this position luv?
Buffy (Is attempting to formulate an answer, when she notices that Spike is becoming quite aroused. She leaps up): Just catching my breath.
Spike (cocky grin): Uh huh. Sure. Off to bed then?
Buffy (turns bright red, gives him a suspicious look, and decides to let it go): Yeah, guess so. ‘Night Spike.
Spike: ‘Night Slayer.
They part ways, Spike picking up his new phone before heading off to his crypt.
*************************************************************
The next evening, Buffy is walking across campus on her way home from a study session at Willow’s. She is enjoying the pleasantly cool evening, when she spies a hand sticking out of a clump of bushes. She rushes over to examine it, and finds that it is attached to the dead body of none other than former Miss California, Candace Johnson. There is a gaping hole where her chest used to be. Buffy leans over to get a closer look, and pulls a long silvery white hair off of the body. She put it in her pocket, and runs to a phone as fast as she can.
*************************************************************
The next morning at the magic shop, all the scoobies are gathered as usual when Buffy walks in.
Buffy: Found anything yet, Giles?
Giles: There seems to be a disappointing lack of information in the beauty queen gored through the chest area.
Anya (making her way from one end of the shop to the other): Maybe it’s a unicorn.
Xander (Not hearing or not listening): Maybe it’s that spiky demon.
Buffy: Spike can’t do that anymore! Besides, his teeth aren’t that big. And he had two of them last time I checked.
Xander: Jeez Buff, got the Peroxide Peril on the brain? I used the adjective form for a reason!
Buffy: Hey, you’re the one who keeps babbling about him, not me!
Giles: Could we perhaps get back to the matter at hand?
Buffy and Xander hang their heads.
Willow: Did you mean the Polgara demon? (Buffy looks blank) You know the one who lost his limb to Swiss Army Adam?
Buffy: Oh, Mr. Toothpick! Nah couldn’t have been. The hole wasn’t like that. It almost looked like someone shoved a drill bit into her ribs.
Xander: Let me just file that under images Buffy has put in my head that will cost thousands in therapy bills.
Willow: Yeah Buffy, I’m suddenly sorry you took shop.
Buffy: Hey! I’ll have you know that was six months of stakes on the school board’s tab! And I’ll take that cutting board back if you don’t like it, thank you very much!
Willow: No, no, no! I love it! It’s a little slanted, but that just makes it...easier to clean!
Anya (coming back from the other end of the store): Maybe it’s a unicorn.
Giles (Also not listening): Did the police have anything useful to say?
Buffy: No. They shooed me out of there pretty quickly, but they seemed as clueless as ever.
Giles: And this white hair you found, it’s very intriguing. I don’t know of any demons with hair this fine.
Willow: Ooh, ooh! Maybe we can do a tracer spell.
Tara: It’s too small a sample, honey. It would get burned up immediately.
Willow (pulling out her Sherlock Holmes magnifying glass and examining the hair): Yup, it’s a hair all right.
Anya (walks up behind Willow and peers over her shoulder through a magnifying glass): I told you, it’s a unicorn.
Everyone stares at her uncomprehendingly.
Buffy: I thought you were joking.
Willow (rolls her eyes) Anya, joke? Please.
Giles (holds up a finger): Of course, that’s it! (He runs to the bookshelf and pulls out a hardcover book, flips to a page, and reads almost reverently) “It was mad. It was angry. It was in a world where it did not belong. And it was being driven.”
Willow (softly and in awe): Where’s that from? The Compendium of Magical Creatures?
Giles: No. Terry Pratchett. (Everyone looks questioningly at him) N-nevermind. What do you know about unicorns Anya?
Anya: Just the basics. Rare, immortal, stunningly beautiful, fond of virgins, ravening creatures of evil. Oh, and their horns can heal with a touch and remove poison from water. Or put poison into water. Whatever they feel like, really.
Willow: But I thought...
Anya: Yes, yes, unicorns are gentle creatures. And Santa Claus didn’t murder children in their beds. And the Easter Bunny isn’t a giant fluffy ball of hatred. (She shudders)
Buffy: So where do I find them and how do I kill them?
Anya: Follow the trail of eggs?
Buffy: The unicorns, Anya.
Anya: Oh. The forest?
Buffy: Fine, I’m on it tonight.
*************************************************************
That evening, Spike is in his crypt, doing a bit of cleaning while no one is there to catch him at it. His new phone rings with the Darth Vader theme from Star Wars. He smiles and picks it up.
Spike: Spike’s house of blood. We bite ’em, you bag ’em!
Buffy: Spike – its Buffy.
Spike: I know luv, you’re the only one who has this number. I don’t even have this number.
Buffy: I need you to meet me at the woods on the edge of campus. And your number is in the “my number” section of the phone menu.
Spike: What is it this time?
Buffy: I’ll explain when you get here. See you in a few. (She hangs up)
*************************************************************
A little while later, Spike saunters up behind a very impatient looking Buffy.
Spike (leaning over her shoulder): What’s a pretty thing like you doin’ out in the dark all by herself?
Buffy (turning around to face him): Waiting for late vampires. I’m getting you a watch next. (She hands him one of the two crossbows she’s holding)
Spike: So, what’s on tonight’s agenda for the forces of good? (Pauses) And me?
Buffy: Unicorn hunting.
Spike (laughing): What?
Buffy: Yup, mad unicorns gone wild in Sunnydale. It had to happen sooner or later. (They start to walk into the woods)
Spike: Shouldn’t someone else be doin’ this?
Buffy: Why?
Spike: Classically, you use a virgin to capture a unicorn. And neither of us is exactly pure and untouched.
Buffy: Well, we don’t know any virgins, except for Dawn, and since the last one ended up with a hole through her gut, that’s a no-go. We’ll just have to do the best we can.
They make their way through the woods, finally coming to a clearing. Grazing in the middle are three unicorns. The moonlight streams over their silvery backs as they crop at the grass.
Buffy (is aiming to shoot at the unicorns with her crossbow, when one looks up at her, it’s big eyes sparkling. She lowers the crossbow): This is ridiculous. I can’t shoot them; it would be like shooting a puppy.
Spike: I’m game. (He aims and shoots one of the unicorns in the flank)
The unicorn staggers, and the other two turn towards their wounded companion. They trot over, and one nuzzles its head affectionately against the injured flank. At the touch of its horn, the wound heals almost instantly.
Buffy: Aww...
Spike: Bloody hell! (He reloads his crossbow and takes another shot, aiming for the beast’s neck. He misses, and the arrow thunks into its side)
The unicorns shift around to face Buffy and Spike. They rear, neigh loudly and run off into the woods.
Buffy: Maybe Anya was wrong.
Spike: Somehow, I don’t think so. She knows more about this kind of thing than any of us.
Buffy: They didn’t attack us or anything! They were just standing there and you shot them!
Spike: You told me we were out hunting rampaging unicorns! What the bloody hell was I supposed to do?
As they are arguing, a rustling sound comes from the bushes to their right. As they turn towards the sound, a unicorn bursts out from the trees on their left, and rears up in front of them, knocking Spike down with its hooves. Buffy turns and shoots it in the chest. The unicorn snorts, lowers its head, and impales Buffy through the stomach. It lifts its head up, and runs towards the trees with a heavily bleeding Buffy atop its head. As Spike gets up to chase after Buffy, the other two unicorns rush out of the woods and trample Spike into the ground. Buffy, seeing the rapidly approaching trees as she glances behind her, thrusts her fists into the unicorn’s eyes. The beast trips forward in surprise, dipping its head, causing Buffy to slide down the horn onto the ground. She is unable to move out of the way before the unicorn runs her over. Meanwhile, Spike has rolled away from his two tormentors as they are making the turn to come at him again, and he runs to the cover of the forest. The two unicorns, having lost their quarry, turn to their injured companion, and begin to run in its direction.
Spike (seeing Buffy in the unicorn’s line of sight): Slayer! Over here!
Buffy, wheezing and clutching her stomach wound, attempts to shamble towards Spike. One of the unicorns goes over to heal his companion, while the other starts to run Buffy down, its eyes rolling and teeth bared. Spike loads up another bolt and aims between the unicorn’s eyes, but only manages to graze its ear. Buffy, though running as fast as she can, realizes that it is not nearly fast enough. She wheels around and punches the unicorn in the nose. It screams horribly, and draws back in revulsion at her touch. As it rears up on its hind legs in front of Buffy, Spike shoots out of the woods, scoops Buffy up, and runs off deep into the forest. The unicorns themselves turn and run off in the opposite direction.
*************************************************************
Spike, feeling like they have made an escape, lays Buffy down at the edge of campus. She hastily removes her light jacket and wraps it around her wound, which, thanks to her Slayer healing powers, has already stopped bleeding.
Spike: Harm!
Buffy: Harm what?
Spike: It’s bloody Harm!
Buffy (wincing as she tries to get up): Well yeah, that’s what gaping wounds usually mean.
Spike: No. Harm-o-ny. Her and her bleedin’ unicorns. My crypt used to be full of ’em! It has to be her. Who else would be stupid enough to call a herd of marauding horn-heads to the suburbs?
Buffy: I can’t see Harmony frolicking around in the woods for long. There’s no place to shop, or sleep. Unless...unless her parents invited her in before they realized she was a vampire.
Spike: Makes sense. Stupidity is genetic.
Buffy: C’mon. (She starts lurching off)
Spike: You know where to go? I didn’t know you and Harmony were such tight mates.
Buffy (gives him a withering look): We dropped Cordelia there once. Let’s go.
*************************************************************
Meanwhile, in her backyard, Harmony is standing in the middle of a ring of six unicorns, still in her princess costume, though by now it is a bit mud stained and torn.
Harmony: You didn’t kill her? First you go haring off after Miss Congeniality, which I didn’t ask you to do! Not to mention causing icky sushi fest for no apparent reason, which made Buffy come after you before I could even get a new dress for the occasion! And then you don’t even finish her off! You’re my unicorns! You have to do what I say! (She listens for a moment) Yes you do! I called you here! (Listens again) Look, why can’t you stick to the plan? There’ll be plenty of mayhem for everybody as soon as we finish our homework!
Buffy and Spike edge up to the backyard, careful not to make any sound.
Harmony (in a reasonable tone of voice): Now. You’re going to kill the Slayer. (Listens) What do you mean why? She’s good, besides, I thought you liked killing blondes. (Listens) No, not me! I’m your friend.
Buffy and Spike make their entrance.
Spike: Hullo Harm.
Harmony: Spike! (Her face falls upon seeing Buffy behind him) Oh, you’re still with her.
Buffy: And you’re still a moron. Now that that’s cleared up...
Harmony: Stay back or my babies will kill you!
Spike: Oh yes, you look like you have everything under control.
Harmony: You’re one to talk. Look who’s the Slayer’s lapdog! (In mocking tone) Oh, big bad Spike...
Spike: Partner. And you know what? It’s kinda nice bein’ on the winning side again. Not that you would know.
Harmony: Oh yeah! Well...I’m gonna be winning real soon!
Spike: You’re such a nitwit.
Harmony: At least I was a good girlfriend. I bought you out of your shell; got you out of the denial phase...I GAVE.
Buffy stifles a laugh.
Harmony (rounding on Buffy): Oh, you think that’s funny. At least guys aren’t done with me until I say they’re done. (In sickeningly sweet voice) A little tip for you Buffy, read this month’s Cosmo. There’s a great article on how to keep your man happy in bed. Maybe they’d stick around longer.
Buffy, a look of pure malice on her face, grabs a very surprised Spike, dips him Tango-style and kisses him thoroughly on the mouth. When she finally releases him, Spike wobbles a bit, a silly grin plastered on his face.
Buffy: I’d say he looks happy, wouldn’t you?
Harmony: Ooh! Get them!
The unicorns immediately scatter. Two circle around and flank Buffy and Spike, one stands next to Harmony, and the other three begin to fan out. Buffy and Spike turn back to back and simultaneously shoot each of the flanking unicorns, Buffy taking hers in the chest, and Spike managing a perfect shot to the eye. As the unicorn with the chest wound goes over to heal the newly blinded one, the other three in waiting take the opportunity to rush Spike. Buffy stops loading her crossbow, whips a stake out of her pocket, and hurls it at Harmony. Harmony screeches, ducks, and runs off to hide under her patio table. One of the unicorns rushing Spike veers off to heal its still-injured companion, and the other two advance on a Spike frozen stock still in fear, each impaling him through a shoulder. Spike punches both unicorns under their jaws, causing them to rear back, scream, and roll their eyes in revulsion. Unfortunately for Spike, they rip thorough his armpits, rendering his arms almost useless. The two unicorns, now fully healed, run up to Spike and knock him over onto his face. Buffy spins and crashes her crossbow down on one of Spike’s attackers’ head, breaking her weapon with the force of the blow. The injured unicorn stumbles past Spike who has turned to vamp face, and is attempting to get up without the use of his arms. One of the unicorns bites his ankle, causing him to let out a loud growl, as the other bends down, impales him on its horn, and lofts him in the air by his stomach. Spike kicks wildly, and by chance, manages to catch one of them in the face. Buffy sends a kick at the windpipe of the unicorn with a dangling Spike, knocking the wind out of it. It rears up, knocks Buffy down with Spike’s limp, suspended body, and sends Spike flying across the backyard. Buffy gets up, looks at the unicorns now advancing on her, runs to Spike, scoops him up, and tears off across the backyard as the unicorns give chase. She runs to the neighbors’ yard, bounds up the stairs to their deck, and kicks in their back glass sliding door. Two teenagers, in the midst of assembling nachos, stop and stare at her in horror. Buffy attempts to runs into the kitchen, only to find that her torso, where an unconscious Spike is slung over one shoulder, is blocked by an invisible barrier, which Spike bounces off, landing on the deck with a wet thump. Buffy jumps into the kitchen and grabs one of the boys by the headphones he wears around his neck.
Buffy: Say “come in!”
Boy: But you’re already in!
Buffy (picks up the collapsed pile of Spike and holds him like a puppet): Say come in to him!
Boy: He can’t hear me! Or walk!
The unicorns are now slipping and sliding on the stairs to the deck.
Buffy (plucks a large shard of glass from her sleeve and glares threateningly): Just say it. And then run upstairs and hide under the bed.
Boy: (bleating) Come in! (He runs out as instructed. His paralyzed companion looks from him to Buffy and back, then grabs the tortilla chips and follows).
Buffy swoops Spike back into her arms and enters the kitchen, just as the unicorns give up trying to climb the stairs, back up, and make it to the deck with flying leaps. They try to heave themselves through the door, but only one is able to make it through. It is now torn up by glass, and bleeding profusely. Buffy runs to the front door, tears it open, and slams it behind her. As she sprints in the direction of Spike’s crypt, she hears Harmony calling to her fiendish pets.
Harmony: Get out of their yard! Sorry neighbors! They’re so pesky, I know...
*************************************************************
Back at Spike’s crypt, Buffy and Spike have bandaged each other up as best they could, and are sitting on the couch until Buffy gets the energy to trek home.
Spike: What was that?
Buffy (defensively): What was what?
Spike: Didn’t you see? They went mad when I touched them.
Buffy: So? Me too.
Spike: Yeah, but you’re the forces of good, remember? I’m just your sidekick.
Buffy: Well Boy Wonder, you supposedly have a soul now, right?
Spike: Bloody hell.
*************************************************************
The next evening, Spike is sitting in the magic shop with Giles and Anya, awaiting the arrival of Buffy and the rest of the scoobies. His arms are still bandaged, and he is experimentally testing their movement.
Tara (walking in): Oh hi Spike! What are you doing here?
Spike: Waitin’ for Buffy, pet. She had to nip home for a bit.
Tara (sitting down next to him): Oh.
Willow (walking in): Spike! What are you doing here?
Spike (sighing): Waitin’ for Buffy.
Xander (walking in): What are you doing here?
Spike (big put-upon sigh): I’m hangin’ about, aren’t I? Now that I can’t wreak havoc, it’s what I do best! It’s the exact same thing I was doin’ last week and the week before that and the week before that. Do you lot get surprised when the sun comes up?
Before anyone can answer, Buffy walks in, a bit hunched over from her stomach wound.
Buffy: I’m glad you’re all here.
Xander: I’m not.
Buffy: Not now Xander. You and Spike can fight over toys later, we have Harmony and her My Little Ponies to deal with. Any suggestions Giles? ’Cause I don’t think hand to hoof is the way to go. (She gingerly lowers herself into a chair.)
Giles: Um...
Xander: What’s wrong with the old-fashioned stake? They came here for Harmony. Once she’s dust; won’t they go back to the land of pretty?
Buffy: Afraid not. They seem to be a bit...out of control. And they’re smarter than Harmony.
Spike: A sack of hammers is smarter than Harmony.
Anya: Xander’s right!
Buffy: Huh?
Anya: The land of pretty!
Buffy: There’s a land of pretty?
Anya: Not exactly. Remember when we sent my ex to the alternate troll universe? We can do the same thing. There’s a universe of unbearably cute and evil things.
Spike: You’re joking.
Anya (indignant): No. It’s no laughing matter. Where do you think I got my bunny phobia?
Spike (mumbling): Bunny phobia?
Willow: So we use the same spell as last time?
Anya: With a couple of modifications.
Spike: Sounds like a perfect place for Harm. Can we send the whole lot?
Buffy: I think that can be arranged.
*************************************************************
Later that night, all of the scoobies, Giles included, have come through the woods to the back of Harmony’s house. Willow and Tara are chanting, as the rest of the gang attempts to hold the unicorns off with crossbows and torches. Harmony is cowering against her house.
Harmony: What are you doing? Get them!
Spike (as arrows from his, Buffy’s, and Giles’ crossbows manage to actually take down a unicorn): Not a chance. You’re history bitch!
Harmony (as a giant portal begins to open in her backyard, enveloping the unicorns): Spikey, wait!
The portal opens wider, and draws near Harmony, she turns to face it, ready to scream, and stops.
Harmony (looking at something that none of the scoobies can see): Oh, how cute!
The portal closes over Harmony and all the live unicorns. It grows smaller and smaller, until it finally vanishes, taking them with it. As the rest of the scoobies recoup, Anya bends over the downed unicorn.
Giles: Anya, what are you doing?
Anya (stands up with a fistful of mane she has just torn off): What am I doing? This stuff’s $1000 an ounce! And the blood’s worth even more! I’ve got to go get a knife – be right back! (She runs off)
Buffy: Eew, eew and furthermore, eew.
*************************************************************
The next night, both Buffy and Spike have recovered enough to resume their nightly patrol through the graveyard.
Spike: I’m not sayin’ I don’t like it, I’m just sayin’...I don’t like it!
Buffy: So you’re clear on this.
Spike: I’m not expectin’ you to understand Slayer, but... (Pause) Look, the Big Bad wasn’t just a figure of speech. If I’m not that and I’m not William the Bloody Poofter, what’s left?
Buffy (stops, turns to look at him, and says seriously): Spike.
Spike (stops and turns to face her): What?
Buffy: No. Spike. Spike’s left.
Spike: I don’t know who the hell that is.
Buffy: You’ll make it up as you go along. Just like the rest of us.
They continue to walk in silence for awhile.
Spike: So, what was that anyway?
Buffy: We’ve been through this. Unicorns no like soul thingy.
Spike (coyly): No, the other that.
Buffy (reddens): Oh. You know how it is. Anything to shut Harmony up.
Spike: Can’t argue with that. (Gives her a sly grin) Maybe I shouldn’t have been so quick to send her away then, eh?
Buffy turns to Spike and decks him.
*************************************************************
The next morning, Buffy and Joyce are sitting on Dawn’s bed as she is taking down her unicorn tapestry poster.
Dawn: After what you told me, I could feel it looking at me when the lights went out. (She shudders)
Joyce: How about a nice Klimt instead?
Buffy and Dawn roll their eyes.