The Secrecy Series
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~~ Secrecy ~~
Buffy sat on her stairs in silence. Xander was right. She’d been guarding herself from Riley because of the heartbreak Angel had caused her. She didn’t want to go through that again so she had closed herself in. Not really sharing how truly scared she was. If she’d only talked about her pain with Riley maybe he wouldn’t have gone to those vampires. She wouldn’t be alone right now. Riley would be beside her; holding her; supporting her while her mother recovered from surgery.
She couldn’t believe what she’d done. Now Riley was off to Belize to take part in a demon ambush. She might never see him again...he probably thought that she wanted nothing to do with him and would stay away from Sunnydale altogether. Tears slowly trickled from Buffy’s eyes as she wished for something that could bring him back. But nothing could. He was gone and she was lonely.
*How many times has he sneaked away from me to go there?* she wondered silently. *Couldn’t he have just asked me what was wrong in the first place?*
Buffy was lost in her thoughts and she didn’t notice the figure standing at the bottom of the staircase until he spoke. “Not very Slayer-like to miss someone standing four feet away from you...what’s troubling you?”
“Get out,” she ordered bitterly, not even looking at the man to her left. “I don’t want to talk about it, especially not with you.”
“Believe it or not, I know what you’re feeling.” he said softly.
“You couldn’t possibly.” she said.
“Look, Slayer, I’ve been around for a lot longer than you have,” he said. “I’ve had my heartbroken before--”
“Spike, the only thing preventing me from staking you right now is the lack of blood in my limbs,” she explained. “I suggest you leave before it returns unless you have a death wish.”
“I just thought you’d want to talk about--” he began.
Buffy finally looked over at Spike, causing him to pause mid-sentence. Her stare was angry and full of hurt. “Talk about Riley? Talk about my feelings? What would you know about feelings?” Buffy looked away from Spike and stared straight ahead into the distance.
Spike looked at the ground. He knew he’d hurt her when she ran from the vamp house but it wasn’t intentional. He just wanted to show her that Riley wasn’t good enough for her. “I’m sorry, Buffy.” he said.
He turned to leave as she sat still, lost in thought. “You know what I regret most?” she asked him.
He stopped walking but didn’t turn around. “What?” he asked softly.
“He was always wanting to train with me and I wouldn’t even let him do that.” she replied. “I always thought that I would end up hurting him. But it looks like I found a way over that hurdle.”
Spike slowly turned around and saw the Slayer’s dazed statement. She was in so much pain and he didn’t know how to relieve it...nothing he could do would. Time would take care of it and ease the pain but he didn’t want to see her suffer for so long. Oddly enough, Spike felt that he could relate to the strong Slayer.
“I went through this when Dru left me,” he said softly. “It destroyed me. She was my sire and I loved her more than anything.”
Buffy looked over at Spike. “Do you want something to drink?” she asked.
Spike nodded. “Why not?”
Buffy stood up and headed toward the kitchen. She grabbed two glasses out of the cupboard and a bottle of whiskey. She poured some in the glasses and handed one to Spike. “I’m not much of a Slayer, huh?” she said smirking. “I’d rather hang out with vampires than stake them.”
“Well I’ve always thought you were a bit odd,” he said grinning. “Any other Slayer would have staked me if I came to their door on Thanksgiving, but hey, I’m not complaining.”
Buffy finished her drink and poured another for herself and added some to Spike’s glass. “If I’d only ran faster.” she sighed. Tears welled up in her eyes as she pictured the scene that could have taken place.
“Don’t get all weepy on me, pet,” Spike said. “I’m not the comforting type.”
Buffy wiped her eyes. “What do you expect me to do, Spike? Just say ‘Oh well’ and move on to the next guy?”
“If it helps,” he replied. “Look, if you want to get over him, just get Red and her girlfriend to do one of their spells...by tomorrow night you’ll be asking ‘Captain Cardboard who?’ ” Buffy glared at Spike.
“Careful what you say, Fangless,” she said. “I’m not drunk enough to bash him yet.” With that she finished off her glass of whiskey.
“I call him that out of love, though,” he said smirking. “Cause I’m such a nice guy.”
Buffy suppressed a grin. “Are you still dating Harmony?” she asked.
Spike laughed. “I wouldn’t call it dating,” he said. “She’s staying with me because she’s hiding from you. She thinks you’re out to get her and that she’s the new ‘Big Bad’.”
Buffy laughed as she poured more alcohol in her glass and took a sip. “Harmony is about as scary as an infant.” she joked.
“Only not as smart,” Spike said laughing. Suddenly he stopped. “Are we doing what I think we’re doing?” he asked.
Buffy stopped laughing as well. “Oh my god, Spike, we are,” she agreed. “We’re bonding.”
Spike poured himself another drink. “I won’t tell anyone if you won’t.” he said.
Buffy nodded as they clinked their glasses in a toast. “To secrecy: May we keep this from our friends forever.”