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Hilary
PART ONE
With a smug smile, Buffy closed the door in Spike's face.
When she turned around, she almost ran into Dawn standing behind her. "That was SO MEAN! Why did you do that?"
"Dawn, you don't understand...."
"You're right - I DON'T understand." The younger girl continued as Joyce and Willow walked towards them. "How could you treat Spike that way? Especially after the things he's done for us!"
"Like what things, Dawn?" Willow asked.
"When I snuck out and went to the magic shop, Spike went with me to protect me. He said that I'd be better off with the 'Big Bad' walking with me. And the other day Buffy took me and Mom to his crypt, and asked him to protect us. He helped Buffy kill that Thing that attacked Mom. He proved that Tara wasn't a demon. And he was fighting WITH Buffy AGAINST Glory at the hospital...." Dawn appeared to be able to go on forever in this vein.
Joyce tried to reason with her youngest daughter. "But, honey, Spike IS a killer."
"It didn't seem to bother you earlier, Mom, when Spike was hanging out with us in the kitchen. Every time he comes over, you offer him hot chocolate, with those little marshmallows he likes, 'cause you know it's his favorite."
"But Dawn..."
"And he hasn't killed anyone since he got the chip in his head, has he?"
"That's not the point, Dawn!"
"Then what is the point, oh great Slayer? And by the way, if he's THAT bad, why haven't you staked him by now?" Dawn turned and stalked off to her room while Buffy was still trying to sputter out an answer.
Up to now, Willow had simply listened. It WAS strange, the way Buffy had been reacting to Spike. "Buffy, I think that Dawn has a point. Spike's had an open invitation to your house for a long time. If he's that bad, why hasn't he tried to kill you?"
"The chip, Willow? Hurt someone, instant headache? Remember? And the last time that he DIDN'T have the chip, he kidnaped you and Xander."
"Yeah, OK, kidnaped, 'cause he wanted me to do that love spell to get Drusilla back for him. But...he didn't really hurt me. He was gonna bite me, then I said Absolutely NOT... and he backed down. He hurt Xander - but Xander attacked him first. And... and then when he got the chip and tried to bite me.... he was real nice about it when he couldn't. OK, that doesn't sound right. But..."
Joyce looked puzzled. "Love spell? Buffy, was that the time that I was talking to Spike about Drusilla leaving him, and you burst in and attacked him?"
"That's the one, Mom."
"Did he have the chip in his head then?"
"Well...no, I guess not," the Slayer admitted.
"Well, then I don't understand - Spike was being a perfect gentleman until you and Angel appeared. He didn't act much differently then than he does now. And you have to admit, Buffy, that Spike usually IS a perfect gentleman when he comes over. And he's quite knowledgeable about art and antiques. He's never once threatened me or Dawn in any way."
"Mommm..."
"Well, I know he's a vampire, honey, and that's certainly a mark against him - but he wouldn't be the first vampire you've dated."
"We are so NOT dating, Mom!"
"I still think you must have given him some kind of signals - even unconscious ones - that led him to think you might be interested in him."
Buffy rolled her eyes and headed for the stairs. "I'm going to sleep now. Maybe when I wake up, I'll find out this was all a nightmare."
* * * * * * * * * *
The next day, Willow discussed the situation with Tara. The redhead knew that her lover was much more empathic than she was, and hoped she would be able to help Willow figure out what was going on.
"Tara, do you think it's really possible that Buffy... actually wants to be WITH Spike, when she's so busy telling everybody that she wants him to stay away from her?"
"That's just it, honey. Buffy's going around telling EVERYONE that she loathes Spike, he's disgusting, he's horrible, and she wants him gone. But she could have staked him anytime in the last year, since he got the chip in his head. She swore she was going to, after Spike kidnaped that Initiative doctor that helped Riley, but she didn't And did you see her reaction when Glory knocked Spike out, then said something about him being Buffy's boyfriend? She looked even madder then, than when Glory was threatening Dawn."
"And that's another odd question, Wil. Why would Glory think Spike was Buffy's boyfriend? They didn't even come in the room together. Except for that one time that Glory was in the Magick Box, none of us had seen her till that night in the hospital. And none of us really paid any attention to her, or her to us, except Giles because she bought something from him. Maybe she's picking up on something the rest of us are missing?"
"Maybe... But, if Spike doesn't have a soul - how can he really love Buffy?"
"Wills, most demons don't have human souls. It doesn't keep them from having emotions. My.. my own family had me convinced that I was a demon, and I was still in love with you."
"But you're not actually a demon, Tara. Spike proved it when he.. punched.. you. Oh. And we all thought he was being mean. He was actually HELPING us."
"I THOUGHT I was a demon. And I've seen a few demons from time to time. They can get emotionally hurt, fall in love, marry, have children, feel pain.. well, some of them... just like humans do."
"Oh! Oh, and, um, Buffy's first roommate! She was a demon, and she was trying to steal Buffy's soul so that when her - the demon's - father showed up, he'd think that she was human, and he couldn't find her to take her home!"
"And didn't Giles say there was a half-demon named Doyle who was helping Angel in L.A.? Wasn't he in love with Cordelia?"
Willow gave her lover a half-smile. "That's a scary thought right there, anyone being in love with Cordy, much less a demon, or a half-demon, as the case may be."
As the two young women recalled various demons or half-demons that they had run across in the past, it became overwhelmingly obvious that the whole "no soul = no feelings" thing was as outdated as last year's fashions.
"Well, OK, so Spike CAN love Buffy. That doesn't mean that he actually does. I mean, what he did... That's not what I'd call love."
"All we know is what Buffy told us. - She went to talk to Spike and found him with Drusilla. He and Drusilla used a cattle prod on her, and when she came to, Spike had chained her up. Then he told her he loved her, and said that if she didn't love him back, he was going to let Drusilla kill her. Drusilla attacked her, Buffy fought back, Drusilla left, Buffy punched out Spike and left. Did I get everything?"
"Yeah, that seems to cover what Buffy told us. Wait a minute... If the chip keeps Spike from hurting anyone, how could he use a cattle prod on Buffy?"
"It must have been Drusilla. But it's not like Spike stopped her. And he threatened to let Drusilla kill Buffy if Buffy didn't say she loved him."
Willow looked puzzled. "He must have KNOWN that wouldn't work. Especially not after Buffy's reaction to the ultimatum that Riley gave her two months ago. I don't know. I feel like we're trying to put a puzzle together, and a lot of the pieces are missing."
The blond witch thought for a moment. "What if we go talk to Spike ourselves? Get his point of view? If we can, I mean. After the way we all treated him this morning, he may not talk to any of us."
The redhead nodded. "And we'd better have a truth spell ready. That way we'll all be able to tell if the others are lying or not."
It didn't take the two young women long to get to Spike's crypt. As a precaution, they took the obligatory stakes and crosses in case Drusilla had come back.
At first, Willow & Tara didn't think Spike was there. His TV and fridge were missing, and the vampire was nowhere to be seen. Just as they were about to leave, Spike came up through the manhole cover in the back of the crypt. He was clearly surprised to see them.
"Well, what's this, then? Can't even wait a full day, the Slayer sent you two over to make sure I get out of town? Well, that's gratitude for you."
"It's not that, Spike. We... we wanted to talk to you."
"Whatever for, Red? Seems like you lot said everything this morning."
Willow and Tara glanced at each other. The blond vampire's tone had been very bitter - more so than usual.
"It just seemed like, like there was more that happened than Buffy let on. We wanted to get your side of the story."
"Well, that's a first, isn't it? And here I thought the Slayer's word was law with you Scoobies. Alright then, what do you want to know?"
Willow glanced around nervously. "Well... is there someplace else we could talk? We didn't really tell Buffy or Giles we were coming..."
Tara picked up with "And it needs to be some place where we'll be undisturbed. We want to use a truth spell."
"Don't trust the evil vampire to tell the truth, is that it?" he snarled.
"Not just you! We want you to be able to believe us, too." Tara replied.
* * * * * * * * * *
After a short trip through the sewers, Spike lead the two girls up into a different crypt. "We ought to be undisturbed here for a while. 'Bout how long will this take, Red? I need to finish _packing_."
"Not long, I hope. Just let us cast the truth spell..."
"How does it work, then? Do you get bells and whistles if one of us lies?"
Willow smiled slightly. "Nothing like that. We made it quiet so we wouldn't be interrupted. No, after we cast the spell, we'll all have a blue light around us. A lie will make the light turn red. And if the person is deliberately not telling the whole truth, the light turns yellow."
"Just like a bloody traffic light, eh? Alright, I'm game. Let's do it."
The two girls cast the spell, and the three of them were surrounded by a softly glowing blue light. Willow grinned. "OK, now I'll test it. I'm a 1000 year old ex-vengeance demon." The light around her blazed a brilliant crimson as she spoke, then slowly turned blue again a few seconds after she quit. "It works!" The blue light became brighter.
A few minutes later, Spike started relating how Drusilla had returned, the trip to the Bronze, and how the two vampires come back to the crypt, only to find Buffy already there. "And Drusilla, well, she's never really forgiven me for not killing the Slayer when she and Angelus were fighting. So Dru hit her with the cattle prod, and wanted to torture the Slayer a bit before killing her. I couldn't protest too much, Dru was my lover for over a hundred years, she knows me too well. She would have turned on me as well. I had to wait until she was off-guard, and knock her out too."
"But you chained Buffy up!"
"Well, yeah. Didn't want her to wake up and stake me before I'd had a chance to have my say. Girl didn't want to hear it, but it was something I HAD to say. Even offered to prove it to her. I was gonna dust Dru for her."
Tara asked, "What was Buffy's reaction?" She was surprised to see.. was it tears?.. in the vampire's eyes as he answered.
"She said it was nothing to her! My dark princess... my only love for over a hundred years! And I was offering to dust her... just to prove my love for the Slayer!"
"But Buffy said that you threatened to let Drusilla kill her!"
"Well, yeah. I sorta did." Spike took another puff from his ever-present cigarette. "But NOT until the Slayer practically laughed in my face. All I wanted was a crumb! The smallest possibility that, someday, maybe... And I got mad, and threatened to let Dru have her. But I never would have done it. I COULDN'T have done it."
He began to pace up and down the crypt as he spoke. "She doesn't understand, and I don't know how to make it clear to her! I've never loved anyone but Drusilla, not since I was Turned. And before that... well, that doesn't matter. I know it's wrong! - A vampire loving the Slayer! I'm not a COMPLETE idiot! But I JUST CAN'T HELP it."
"Then Harmony shot me with that stupid crossbow of hers. While I was keeping HER from killing me, Dru managed to get loose and attack Buffy. As soon as I could, I shoved Dru away and unchained Buffy. But did she thank me? Bloody hell, of course not! She punched me instead!"
"And then I found out that YOU had done the uninvite ritual for her. Thanks a lot, Red!"
"She IS my friend, Spike - and she asked me to."
"And have you asked yourself why she picks now to uninvite me? Of course not. I could have killed her anytime in the last few years - until I got this chip in my head, of course. It's not like she's afraid of me. I CAN'T hurt her now, even if I didn't love her too much to try. So what's she afraid of?"
Willow thought for a minute. "Well, you said that Drusilla told Buffy you'd been feeding again. Maybe Buffy thought you'd found a way around the chip?"
"If she'd asked, Red, I could have told her what happened. Drusilla killed that girl at the Bronze, then tossed her to me like you'd toss a bone to a starving dog. It's been a good long time since I was able to feed off a human... and I wasn't going to start back then, but Drusilla..." He sighed. "You'd have to have seen her, pet. Dru had that LOOK on her face. If I hadn't fed, she was quite capable of killing me then and there, with no more thought than you'd give to squashin' a bug. So I did. The poor girl was already dead, anyway. I figured I'd best go along with Dru until I could get hold of Buffy, or get rid of my ex on my own. Only things didn't quite work out that way." The blond vampire looked pensive as he took another drag off of his cigarette. The glowing light never flickered as he related his story.
"Ok, then... this morning at the Magick Shop. Why didn't you just tell us the truth?"
"Like you lot would have believed me? I didn't know what the Slayer had told you," Spike paused, and the blue light around him suddenly swirled to a shade of orange. "What the..? You didn't say anything about ORANGE!"
Tara hid a smile behind her hand. "It's means that you're trying to lie AND withhold part of the truth. Red and yellow equal orange!"
The aura of light slowly turned blue again. "Well, alright then. But the two of you have to promise not to tell anybody - especially Buffy." The girls nodded in tandem. Spike continued, staring at the floor, "I didn't want to tell any of you, because... I was embarrassed. Me - the BIG BAD.
Embarrassed like a litt'l kid. I hadn't meant for the Slayer to see Drusilla at all. I was going to try to get Dru out of town again before the two of them met up. Then there she was, and me with blood still on my mouth..." He shook his head. "It's pitiful I was. Feeling like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. I didn't mean to lose my temper and threaten her either, but when Buffy's around, the only thing I want to do is either fight with her or kiss her. Right now I can't do either."
Tara and Willow looked at each other for long moments, then the two of them stood up and stepped slightly away from the brooding vampire. "We need to talk to each other for a minute, Spike. OK?"
"Sure, Red. I'm not going anywhere till you cancel this spell, anyway. Couldn't sneak up on anyone glowing like a bloody light bulb."
The girls walked a few feet away and turned their backs to him to speak in private - or as much privacy as the vampire's better hearing would allow.
"What do you think, Willow? Should we help him?"
"I..I don't know, Tara. I mean, he really DOES love Buffy, but... if she really doesn't want anything to do with him... should we really interfere?"
Tara glanced back over her shoulder at the 'peroxide pest'. "He's really hurting, Willow. Like I was when I thought you were going back to Oz. There must be something we can do for him."
They talked very quietly for a few more minutes, then went back and sat down in front of Spike again.
"Well, what's it to be, then? Do you believe me, or is this another round of 'Kick the Spike'?"
Willow glanced at Tara before answering. "_We_ believe you. And Tara and I will do what we can to make the others see both sides of the story. But we don't think that Buffy is going to listen to reason right now. She's had an awful lot to deal with lately - her mom being sick, taking care of Dawn, the problem with Glory - then Riley leaving like he did."
Tara took up the story. "And we think that that's the main reason Buffy is acting the way she is. Riley, I mean. From what Willow's told me, Riley was always telling Buffy that he loved her, and he would always love her. Then he left - with hardly any warning."
"And Angel did practically the same thing to her," continued Willow. "He said he wanted her to have a normal life, and that he was leaving for her own good. So when you tell her you love her, she probably feels like running screaming in the opposite direction. Buffy hasn't really recovered from the last time yet. She's just... really good at hiding it."
"So... what then? Are you saying I should just leave?"
"Noooo... I think, from the way she's acting, that she really does have feelings for you. Kinda like 'the Slayer doth protest too much'. But any more pressure right now, she might break down. Tara and I think... we think you ought to be 'hard to get'."
"How's tha' again, Red?" "Hard to get... right now, every time you try to tell her how you feel, she gets mad, so you don't tell her. You let her see you, but then make a big deal of leaving when you 'see' her."
"Oh, umm, and move someplace where she can't find you as easily. That way, Buffy can't just 'drop by' when she wants information or.. or anything. If you're harder to find, she might realize how many times she's gone looking for you lately."
"Well, I've already started moving, ducks. Didn't fancy having the Watcher or the whelp staking me in m' sleep."
"But you are staying here, right? I mean, you're not leaving Sunnydale, are you?"
"I'll be around, Red. That Glory chippy is still here, and whether she likes it or not, the Slayer needs my help. If I let you know where I'll be, can you keep quiet about it? Not mention it to any of your stake-happy pals?"
Willow leaned over and hesitantly put her hand on Spike's arm. "We'll keep your secret, Spike. And.. and.. I want you to know... that I don't hold it against you that you tried to bite me last year."
The blond vamp grinned at her. "You would have been a real treat, pet. Normally I wouldn't have tried to kill one of the Slayer's friends, that's just not my style." He crushed out his cigarette and reached for another one. "But you impressed me, the way you behaved when I had you and the boy that time. I could have killed you in a heartbeat, but you stood up to me anyway."
For some strange reason, the thought that she had impressed Spike gave Willow a warm fuzzy. But there was one more thing...
"One more thing, Spike. Last year, you teamed up with Adam against us. We need your promise NOT to help Glory."
"No problem there, Red. As I understand it, that hell-bitch wants to combine wherever she's from with our world here. I don't want that now, anymore than I wanted it when Angelus was going to wake Acathla to suck the world into hell."
Tara looked at him curiously. "Why not, Spike?"
"For the same reasons I gave the Slayer then. I enjoy this world too much. It has such wonderful things in it; music, cigarettes, happy meals with legs - *oww* - alright, forget that last. Let's just say I'd much rather be a big fish in a small pond, than a tiny demon in whatever dimension that chippie is from."
He stood up. "Now, let's get this bloody spell turned off so's I can finish what I was doing. Oh, and Red,.. let me know if the Nibblet is in any danger. She shouldn't suffer just 'cos the Slayer's being bitchy with me."
Tara quickly canceled the spell, and Spike left through the sewers. Willow was the first to speak up. "Wow, did you hear that? *Spike* wants to protect Dawn. He really has changed."
* * * * * * * * * *
The next morning, Willow found a note tucked into her book bag telling her where Spike was staying now. He'd found an abandoned building, complete with sewer access, closer to Revello Drive than he had been. The note gave her directions, in case she ever needed them.
She and Tara had decided that one of them needed to keep Spike "in the loop" about what was happening with Glory. Every day or two, one of them would meet him at the abandoned building and bring him up to date. They would also try to get Buffy and the others to see that there might be more to Spike than anyone thought. Willow grimaced to herself. *That won't be easy to do without letting anyone know that me and Tara know Spike's side of things, too.*
* * * * * * * * * *
A couple of days later, the two witches went to the Magick Box to get more supplies for the Truth Spell. Willow figured they'd have to do the spell at least once or twice more before they were through.
When they entered the shop, they saw Xander poring over more of Giles' texts. "Hi, Xander. You still doing the research thing?"
"Hi, Wil, Tara. Yeah, I'm still Research Man. Haven't turned anything up we can use against Glory, though."
Anya, as usual, piped up from behind the counter. "But Xander is trying very hard! He hasn't even stopped for sex this morning!"
"Anya! I've asked you not to mention things like that to other people!" Xander groaned. *Will she EVER stop telling everybody about our sex life?* On the plus side, at least they were having one to talk about. *I'll try and explain it to her again later.*
Tacitly ignoring Anya's outburst, Willow continued, "How about the Watcher's Council?"
Xander grimaced. "Them neither. You'd think they'd have SOMETHING useful for us, especially after the way they harassed everyone when they were here."
Willow sat down, as Tara crossed to the counter where the ex-demon stood. "Anya, you're over a thousand years old. Have you ever he.. heard of Glory?"
"Nooo, not by that name. Hey! Maybe it's not her real name!"
"Or maybe," Willow felt a glimmer of an idea forming, "maybe she doesn't really have a name at all." *There's something... about not having a name... if I can just get a grip on it...*
Xander changed the subject. "Enough about Glory. How's about going Bronzing tonight with me and Anya? It's payday again, so I can afford to splurge a little. Unless Spike shows up and steals my money again."
Frowning a bit, Anya came from behind the counter and over to the table. "I don't think I've seen Spike the last day or so.
"Actually, I saw him last night, near the cemetery. I'm not sure, but he looked kinda... depressed."
"Willow. Like anybody cares whether #Spike# is depressed."
"But Xander! You know what happened last time he got depressed, he tried to stake himself."
"Well, we certainly can't let that happen! Why let him stake himself, when it'd be so much more fun for one of us to do it for him? I volunteer!"
Tara looked at the table as she spoke. "I.. I think he's very lo.. lonely. And.. and kinda sad."
Xander retorted, "See how much I #don't# care!," and glared at Tara.
"Well, he doesn't.. have anybody to talk to now. He doesn't get along with the demons and other vampires, because he's been... fighting against them. Now Drusilla's left him again, and none of us will speak to him. I.. I just think that he must feel" (her voice softened a bit) "very, very lonely."
Anya smacked Xander on the shoulder. "See, Xander, I TOLD you we had hurt his feelings."
"Anya, he's a vampire. Vampires don't have any feelings."
"And I was a demon. Do you think that I didn't have any feelings then? I most certainly did! Every time I granted a wish for some mistreated woman, I felt very good about myself!"
Just then, Giles and Buffy came out of the training room in the back of the shop.
"Hey, guys. What are you arguing about?"
"Well, it's not really an argument, Buffy. Willow said she saw Spike and he looked depressed, and I was expressing my non-concern over it," Xander snidely commented.
"I still think he must be lonely." Tara defended her opinion.
"Well, if he gets in my way while I'm patrolling, I'll cure his loneliness permanently - with a stake."
"Why do you always say that, Buffy?"
"Say what, Anya?"
"You always say you're going to stake him, but Spike is still walking around. I don't think you mean it."
"Oh, I mean it all right. I just haven't done it before because of the chip. He's pretty much harmless right now." But a strange echo played in her head at Anya's words. *Sing me another one, Slayer. That song's getting old.*
Xander snickered. "With the chip in his head, _Dawn_ is more dangerous than he is right now."
"Then I don't understand. How can Spike be harmless but dangerous at the same time?"
"What are you talking about, Anya?" Xander asked offhandedly as he continued to flip through the book in front of him.
"The other day - I thought that Spike was thrown out because he's dangerous to Buffy. How can he be dangerous with the chip in his head?"
The Slayer retorted, "He may not be very dangerous, but he's still VERY annoying."
Giles took his glasses off and polished them as he spoke. "And... and there are other ways of being dangerous besides the physical. Last year Spike almost succeeded in splitting the group up with various rumors that he started. Buffy needs to focus on Glory, not be distracted with Spike's protestations of affection."
Willow had tried to bring that glimmering of an idea to the fore while the others were arguing. *Something to do with... that sphere Buffy found?* "Not to change the subject, Giles, but.. OK, I guess I am changing the subject... Did you find out anything else on that glowy sphere that Buffy found?"
"Not really, Willow, why?"
"Tara and I thought that it might be useful if we can figure out how to use it. Maybe a defensive spell, since it's supposed to be able to repel stuff."
"Well, yes, that could be helpful." He saw a young child handling items across the shop. "What is that child playing with? I'm sure it's breakable." (pause) "Certainly, Willow, why don't you and Tara take it with you and see what you come up with?" Giles walked away to retrieve the small statues that a small boy was handling, pointing out the sign that said "You break it, you bought it" to the boy's mother.