If I Lie Down

by: Isabelle

-Disclaimers: All belongs to Joss and his people.

-Summary: Short fiction, S/B. In Spike's RV when Glory is after them. After "Intervention." (Has not really happened)

-Author's note: Love feedback. bih80@yahoo.com

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"If one is continually surviving the worst that life can bring, one eventually ceases to be controlled by a fear of what life can bring; whatever it brings bust be borne."

from The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin

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The RV tumbled lightly as they sped down the darkened highway. The eyes of the passengers were tightly closed, sleeping in tormented sleep of agonizing hours. None slept peacefully.

He looked straight ahead, not flinching his eyes from the nocturnal road. He was tired. They had been on the run for almost a week now, and Glory was still on their trail. At night he was the driver, during the day the counselor.

All that happened in the past was set aside to concentrate on the important matters at hand. But it din't prevent the memembers from trusting him with their fears, insecurities, and worries. Mouths that had cursed his name a fortnight ago, were spilling the beans about their intimate secrets.

He reached his pale hand to rub the back of his sore neck and he exhaled the non-existant breath. What a week! He thought.

He felt her coming from behind him and the muscles in his back stiffened. It had been a weird couple of days. She clung to him for help, and he clung to her for emotion.

Since that day at crypt when she kissed him, pretending she was the bot, they had not addressed the matter of his affection. But he kept his mouth shut, she liked it that way. There was no time for love, romance, or hormones. There was only time to flee for their lives.

She came up and sat next to him in the front passenger seat of the RV. He glanced at her. She held a cup of coffee in her hand.

"Thanks." he said accepting the mug and bringing it to his lips. She nodded and looked at the sleeping passangers in the rest of the van. Counting everybody just in case they had disappeared in the short time she had stoped looking at them.

"I just changed Giles's bandages." she said.

He nodded.

She looked at him. "You really shouldn't be driving." she said, looking at his mid-section where a knight had literally 'ran him through'.

He placed the coffee mug on the cup holder and patted his stomach. "It's healing." he said.

"When did I last change your bandages?" she asked him.

He shrugged. "Don't know, pet. Maybe yesterday."

"You were half-way healed by then, right?"

He looked at her. She was beautiful as ever, but with the shadow of worry hanging over her small frame. "Give it two more days, I'll be as good as new."

She nodded.

"You should get some rest." he said turning back to the road.

"Can't sleep." she said looking down at her un-manicured hands.

"But you have to." He said bringing the mug back to his lips.

She rested her head into the soft seat and exhaled.

"It's been worst." she said looking at the blank road trying to convince herself.

He nodded but felt nothing he said would make it better. Their current condition was as bad as he had seen it, but he didn't want to make her feel worst. He was worried, they were all worried, but at the end, it all rested on her tiny shoulders.

Silence took over. The only sound was that of the old RV, making its peace with the ruged road.

It was a confortable silence. Just having her near him in partnership was enought to make his un-dead heart happy. She relished in the fact that someone as strong as her was with her. It was not all up to her.

A sudden thought hit her and she looked at him.

He felt her gaze but said nothing while she studied him.

"What do you see?" he asked half-expecting an answer.

Silence. He swallowed, maybe the comment was a bit out of place.

"Someone who has been there, with me, in my hardest moments." She said very quietly but very sincere.

The statement shocked him and he looked at her with a confussing look.

"When the whole Angelus thing, well you know, it was upto me and you.......With the Adam thing, though twisted in a way, we would have not made it without you......With mom,.....well I really didn't want to see you, but I got the flowers. Thank you by the way. And now......well its you." she said slowly, almost to herself."

He watched her carefully as she almost thought out loud. "You know you're saying this outloud?" he said looking at her.

She looked at him with hard statement in her face. "You can't help yourself, can you?"

"Help myself with what?"

"The comments, the dark comments that ruin the moment." she said getting angry at his insensitivity.

"The moment?" he asked arching his eyebrow. "We were having a moment?"

She looked at him in disbelief but remained silent.

He felt guilty. She was beholding him as a friend and he had mucked it up.

"Buffy, I am sorry....that was,....well you know....rude." he said pushing to the back of his mind what little was left of his pride.

She turned in her seat to look straight at the road before them.

"When this is over, I'm spending a week in the SPA." she said.

He looked at her now in disbelief. Women! He thought.

"Yeah, and I am gonna get a tan." he said.

She looked at him once more. "You did it again."

He was about to protest when he realized she was right. But he remained quiet, better no words than wrong words.

There was silence, but she was looking at him, he could feel her eyes penetrating his skull.

She got off the seat and on her knees in front of him. He looked at her in surprise.

"Thank you." she whispered. "I needed the humor." With that she rested her head on his lap, curling on arm over his thigh.

He stiffened and didn't know what to do.

She didn't move away, but got even more comfortable in her possition.

He almost smiled in spite of the situation. She was right, the worst situation brought them together.

He carefully brought his free hand and started playing with her long, golden hair.

She sighted when she felt his hand. This felt good. If they suvived out of this mess, this would not be so bad.

She felt her eyes close in a light sleep, feeling a strange warmth under her cheek. A good warmth. A companioship.

She smiled, and he watched her.

Praise be to Glory. He thought as he drove on in to the night with the girl curled on his lap.

		If I Lie Down
Fanfiction -My Fics -Collaborations -Other Buffy/Spike Fics -Series -Challenges -Non Buffy/Spike Fics History Links Link to Me Updates Awards Won Back to Main E-mail Hilary		If I Lie Down by: Isabelle -Disclaimers: All belongs to Joss and his people. -Summary: Short fiction, S/B. In Spike's RV when Glory is after them. After "Intervention." (Has not really happened) -Author's note: Love feedback. bih80@yahoo.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "If one is continually surviving the worst that life can bring, one eventually ceases to be controlled by a fear of what life can bring; whatever it brings bust be borne." from The Fire Next Time, James Baldwin ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The RV tumbled lightly as they sped down the darkened highway. The eyes of the passengers were tightly closed, sleeping in tormented sleep of agonizing hours. None slept peacefully. He looked straight ahead, not flinching his eyes from the nocturnal road. He was tired. They had been on the run for almost a week now, and Glory was still on their trail. At night he was the driver, during the day the counselor. All that happened in the past was set aside to concentrate on the important matters at hand. But it din't prevent the memembers from trusting him with their fears, insecurities, and worries. Mouths that had cursed his name a fortnight ago, were spilling the beans about their intimate secrets. He reached his pale hand to rub the back of his sore neck and he exhaled the non-existant breath. What a week! He thought. He felt her coming from behind him and the muscles in his back stiffened. It had been a weird couple of days. She clung to him for help, and he clung to her for emotion. Since that day at crypt when she kissed him, pretending she was the bot, they had not addressed the matter of his affection. But he kept his mouth shut, she liked it that way. There was no time for love, romance, or hormones. There was only time to flee for their lives. She came up and sat next to him in the front passenger seat of the RV. He glanced at her. She held a cup of coffee in her hand. "Thanks." he said accepting the mug and bringing it to his lips. She nodded and looked at the sleeping passangers in the rest of the van. Counting everybody just in case they had disappeared in the short time she had stoped looking at them. "I just changed Giles's bandages." she said. He nodded. She looked at him. "You really shouldn't be driving." she said, looking at his mid-section where a knight had literally 'ran him through'. He placed the coffee mug on the cup holder and patted his stomach. "It's healing." he said. "When did I last change your bandages?" she asked him. He shrugged. "Don't know, pet. Maybe yesterday." "You were half-way healed by then, right?" He looked at her. She was beautiful as ever, but with the shadow of worry hanging over her small frame. "Give it two more days, I'll be as good as new." She nodded. "You should get some rest." he said turning back to the road. "Can't sleep." she said looking down at her un-manicured hands. "But you have to." He said bringing the mug back to his lips. She rested her head into the soft seat and exhaled. "It's been worst." she said looking at the blank road trying to convince herself. He nodded but felt nothing he said would make it better. Their current condition was as bad as he had seen it, but he didn't want to make her feel worst. He was worried, they were all worried, but at the end, it all rested on her tiny shoulders. Silence took over. The only sound was that of the old RV, making its peace with the ruged road. It was a confortable silence. Just having her near him in partnership was enought to make his un-dead heart happy. She relished in the fact that someone as strong as her was with her. It was not all up to her. A sudden thought hit her and she looked at him. He felt her gaze but said nothing while she studied him. "What do you see?" he asked half-expecting an answer. Silence. He swallowed, maybe the comment was a bit out of place. "Someone who has been there, with me, in my hardest moments." She said very quietly but very sincere. The statement shocked him and he looked at her with a confussing look. "When the whole Angelus thing, well you know, it was upto me and you.......With the Adam thing, though twisted in a way, we would have not made it without you......With mom,.....well I really didn't want to see you, but I got the flowers. Thank you by the way. And now......well its you." she said slowly, almost to herself." He watched her carefully as she almost thought out loud. "You know you're saying this outloud?" he said looking at her. She looked at him with hard statement in her face. "You can't help yourself, can you?" "Help myself with what?" "The comments, the dark comments that ruin the moment." she said getting angry at his insensitivity. "The moment?" he asked arching his eyebrow. "We were having a moment?" She looked at him in disbelief but remained silent. He felt guilty. She was beholding him as a friend and he had mucked it up. "Buffy, I am sorry....that was,....well you know....rude." he said pushing to the back of his mind what little was left of his pride. She turned in her seat to look straight at the road before them. "When this is over, I'm spending a week in the SPA." she said. He looked at her now in disbelief. Women! He thought. "Yeah, and I am gonna get a tan." he said. She looked at him once more. "You did it again." He was about to protest when he realized she was right. But he remained quiet, better no words than wrong words. There was silence, but she was looking at him, he could feel her eyes penetrating his skull. She got off the seat and on her knees in front of him. He looked at her in surprise. "Thank you." she whispered. "I needed the humor." With that she rested her head on his lap, curling on arm over his thigh. He stiffened and didn't know what to do. She didn't move away, but got even more comfortable in her possition. He almost smiled in spite of the situation. She was right, the worst situation brought them together. He carefully brought his free hand and started playing with her long, golden hair. She sighted when she felt his hand. This felt good. If they suvived out of this mess, this would not be so bad. She felt her eyes close in a light sleep, feeling a strange warmth under her cheek. A good warmth. A companioship. She smiled, and he watched her. Praise be to Glory. He thought as he drove on in to the night with the girl curled on his lap.