Nightmares and confessions

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and the WB, I've just borrowed them for a while.

His lips met hers, their bodies sizzled with emotions neither had felt before. When the kiss finally ended, Willow opened her eyes, she smiled at Xander. He smiled back.

He stepped back, his handsome features suddenly twisting and turning, metamorphosing into something that made Willow recoil in terror. Xander’s forehead was furrowed, his eyes which were once brown were shining a sickly yellow. He grinned exposing two sharp fangs stained with the scarlet remnants of blood. Emerging from the shadows was the bleach blonde figure of Spike, his feral features complementing Xander’s.

Willow, sat bolt upright in her bed, her nightdress clinging to her body, her sheets soaked with perspiration. Her heart pounding furiously in her chest. Her mind still recoiling from the shock of Xander’s transformation.

She jumped as the shrill ring of her telephone disturbed the stillness of her room. Her trembling hand reached out to gently remove the receiver from its cradle.

"Your usual hellmouth adventure dream." Willow’s replied attempting to lighten the atmosphere in her room.

"Giles wants everyone to meet at the library this morning, apparently all is not quiet in Sunnydale."

"Mmm, I’ll phone" Willow replied cautiously she didn’t want to sound too eager, but after her dream, she needed to check that he was ok.

"Ok, have to go. Mom wants to spend some quality time together. I’ve told her I have some important research for an assignment that I need to complete this morning in the library. So we’re having a family breakfast instead of hitting the mall!"

"Bye." Willow replied, imagining Buffy’s Mom’s face, hearing her daughter turning down a shopping trip in aid of research. The thought almost made Willow smile, although she still felt very uneasy about the dream. It seemed all too real.

She picked up the receiver and dialled the familiar number. She waited patiently for him to answer, he was probably still in bed. As she waited for him to answer her mind raced. What would she say to him? Why should she be worrying about talking to Xander? She had spoken to him virtually every day of her life. She told him everything, well practically everything. Her train of thought was broken by the sound of Xander’s sleepy voice.

"Hello. Xander its me, Willow." Willow’s face flushed, what a lame way to start a conversation, Xander knew her voice probably better than anyone elses.

"Hi Will. Are you ok? You sound a little edgy." He asked concern evident in his voice.

"Yes. I’m fine really." The vivid images from her dream raced through her mind again. "Giles wants us to meet him in the library at 11am. Is that ok?"

"Mmm, sorry Xander." Willow’s mind was wandering again, back to the images of Xander’s transformation.

"Yes," she replied suddenly very embarrassed that she hadn’t been paying attention.

"Will, I’ll stop by and pick you up on the way to the library. I’ll be by in about half an hour." Without giving her a chance to reply he hung up.

30 minutes! Xander here! Oh no! Willow’s mind was suddenly encapsulated with complete panic. If he came here, he would know there was something bothering her. Oh no, what would she do? She admonished herself. Why are you feeling like this? He’s your best friend. He’s concerned about you that’s all, just as you would be concerned about him if he started acting strangely.

That was it. He was her best friend he always had been and hopefully he always would be. Why would she want to risk that? She knew the answer all too well, because she loved him. Although she could never tell him, she would rather live with friendship than the embarrassment of confessing her feelings only to be rejected.

She quickly showered and changed and hurried downstairs to wait for Xander. Her pacing was interrupted by the sound of a sharp knock on the door. Willow answered it and found Xander standing on the doorstep a look of sincere concern etched on his face.

"Hey. Come in" she said as she stepped to one side to let him into the hall. The house was empty, her parents were away for the weekend on business.

They both headed for the kitchen. There was a heavy silence between them, neither of them knew where to start. It was an uncomfortable feeling, neither were used to in their close relationship.

Finally she spoke "Would you like something to eat?" Xander usually jumped at the idea of food.

"No Will. I need to know what’s wrong. You sounded so distant on the phone, as if you were worried about something. And it’s not just today either, you’ve not been yourself for a while. What’s wrong?" As he spoke he moved across the kitchen, his face was finally inches from her own.

"It’s nothing." she uttered quietly, her eyes studying her shoelaces intently.

Xander persisted. "Willow, I know you too well. I can tell there is something and it’s really bothering you. You can’t even look at me" His voice filled with pain. "I need to know what’s wrong in order to help" She felt Xander’s hand on her cheek.

She finally dared to look at him. "I’ve been having a dream" she started. "It’s just unnerved me, that’s all." She told him about the dream where he changed. "It seemed so real, and I’m afraid." She saw the expression on his face, it was of complete understanding. "It made me realise that everything in Sunnydale is so fragile, our friendship, everything."

"Oh Will."He replied, suddenly understanding why Willow had been acting strangely. "It was just a dream." He tried to reassure her.

"Do you realise you’ve been here nearly fifteen minutes and you haven’t told a joke?" She tried desperately to change the conversation.

"Don’t try and change the subject, Will. You’re my best friend, I tell you everything." Well nearly everything, he thought. "I care about you, without you my life would be too different. I don’t even want to go there."

"I know. I feel the same." A solitary tear rolled from the corner of her eye, flowing smoothly down her cheek. She admonished herself, she really hated to show her weaknesses in front of Xander.

He wiped the tear from her cheek. His heart shattering. The girl he loved more than anything in the world had been too afraid or ashamed to tell him what was bothering her. Why couldn’t he tell her how he felt? He knew the answer. He didn’t want to ruin what they had, it was too important. She was the only person who had really cared about him, she’d been there for him more than anyone else, more than his parents. He didn’t want to tarnish their friendship and complicate it with feelings that could easily fade or change, just like his parents relationship had.

He pulled her into his embrace, holding her tightly, he never wanted to let her go. He gently rested his chin on her head. The aroma of lemons from her hair reminding him of their sleep overs as children. As he held her, for a moment everything in the world felt right. He finally felt complete. Without thinking, he moved his head, his lips kissing the top of her head.

Willow’s head moved back. She allowed her eyes to meet his intense hazel brown ones. She felt herself fall into his eyes, looking for a sign that he could possibly feel the same way she felt about him.

Xander looked at her beautiful face, her eyes searching his. Were they trying to find the same answer he was?

He leant forward, his lips finally meeting hers. She didn’t pull away. She kissed him back, with a passion and need that neither had felt before. The feelings and emotions that coursed through their bodies were electrifying. The world disappeared. For a long moment it was only Willow and Xander lost in a place where only the other existed, a world where finally happiness might be found.

As Willow moved back a sigh escaped from her lips. Her eyes were transfixed by Xander’s chocolatey brown eyes. Her cheeks slightly flushed her hands twisting nervously.

"Oh." This time her voice and face registered disappointment, her eyes filling with tears as she looked back at her shoes.

Xander looked at her intently and instantly began to feel more comfortable, maybe this wasn’t such a bad development? "Unless you want it to happen again Willow?" He asked quietly.

Willow noted the note of hopefulness in his voice. This time she decided to take the initiative. She turned her lips towards his and kissed him.

When they parted Willow spoke. "I love you." She had finally uttered the three words that had been haunting her for as long as she could remember. Willow hoped for an answer, but it didn’t really matter if she didn’t receive one. The kiss had meant more, it had given her hope.

"I know." He said, brushing a lock of auburn hair out of her eyes. "I love you too, I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time, but I was scared it would ruin what we have. You mean everything to me. It’s just taken me along time to admit it."

"I know how you feel." she said "I was scared too, I didn’t want to admit how I felt in case I ruined everything."

"We’ve wasted a lot of time, but we have plenty of time to catch up" A twinkle of mischief sparkled in Xander’s eyes.

The sound of the telephone ringing interrupted them. Reluctantly Willow broke away from Xander’s embrace and answered it.

Xander smiled. They were together and he would be more than happy to share it with the world. "Come on then." he said, holding his hand out to her. "We can’t keep the hellmouth waiting!"

They left Willow’s house together, walking along the road hand in hand. Oblivious to their surroundings, and especially the dark figure who was watching the young couple as they walked out into the daylight of Sunnydale

	a ~ f	g ~ l	m ~ r	s ~ z
		Shimmer	Sairs' fic