I don't have to wonder anymore

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Sometimes I think that Fox owns everything. And they own Buffy, along with Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Garth Brooks owns the song.

Distribution: just let me know

Feedback: always appreciated

Notes: I really hope this works. It sounded good in my head, but so do quite a few things that end up bad in the long run.

I drove to the church where they were having the wedding, in my suit and tie. It was the "Peanuts" tie that Willow had bought for me one April Fool's Day. I had every intention of going in, but at the last minute I just couldn't bring myself to go inside. So I sat alone, in my van across the street, watching the chauffeur smoking his way through a pack of Newport's by the long white limousine. I could just imagine what was going on in there. The candlelight reflecting up off the stained glass windows, the flowers woven so beautifully through Willow's long gleaming hair. Giles would escort Willow down the aisle, handing her over to the man who took her away from me. Or, did Xander just finally take back what had been on loan to me? Sometimes I can't tell the difference. It doesn't matter. In less time that it took the single tear in my eye to fall, the church bells rang loud as thunder as they opened up the door. I guess I don't have to wonder anymore. I knew, deep down, that I was on borrowed time with Willow. When Xander went on his road trip, I figured that Willow might finally get him out of her system. But she didn't. I knew it, and she knew it. Even when I presented her with the ring and asked her to be my wife, Xander was in the back of her mind. As soon as he came back the Christmas of our senior year in college, it was like I never even existed. I do have to give the guy credit, though. He never gave me the attitude of 'thanks for keeping her warn for me buddy'. And Willow, well, she felt bad, but it was like no force on this planet could keep her away from him. She gave me the ring back one night, and it was tough to say who was crying harder. But even after all of that, a part of me still wondered and hoped that she'd pick me instead of the guy she'd loved before she knew what love was. The wedding day arrived, and she was marrying him. And even though it broke my heart, I knew that it was right. I watched her throw the bouquet from the steps of the church, laughing and crying all at the same time. Buffy caught it, and she and Giles both turned bright pink. The entire time, Xander's eyes never left her. The gold cylinders glinted softly in the moonlight as they entwined their fingers and climbed into the limo. I drove off into the opposite direction to try to get the image of their happiness out of my mind. I could say that I still don't know why things happened like they did, but it would be a lie. The only thing I wonder about is why I thought I could change the way things were. I parked the van on the old bridge on the outskirts of town, watching the almost full moon glinting off the water. I took her tiny diamond ring from my pocket and brought it to my lips. With a gentle kiss goodbye, I took the ring, drew back and let it fly. In less time that it took for a tear to fall, the ring along with my memories went under and now it's gone for sure. I guess I really don't have to wonder anymore.

The End