These are a few short stories conceived from e-mails I received. They are responce e-mails in the form of a Fanfiction
"A Watcher's April Fools..."
by,T.C.HealyDisclaimer: They are Joss', not mine...I've gone insane...this is what happens with a really great typo
******* Buffy entered the Library, like she had done every day for the past three years. School had only just let out for the day, and it was training time for the Slayer, before a night on patrol. No sooner did the doors close behind her, when she realized something was wrong.
Giles paced back and forth with a worried expression on his handsome face. Her friends, Xander, Willow and Oz, were all sitting at the center reading table, with equal looks of concern.
"Hi guys," Buffy greeted the quartet, "Why the tragic masks? What's up?"
"You don't know?" Willow said, unable to hide her worry.
"This is bad," Xander echoed her sentiments, "Real bad."
"Okay," The Slayer eyed her compatriots, "What's bad?" She then turned to Giles, who stopped pacing and took his glasses off to wipe them. "Giles," she asked, her own concerns mounting, "You've got that The-world's-coming-to-an-end look. Oh, god...is it?"
Giles placed his glasses back on his face and moved closer to her, "Now, remember...we must, above all else, remain calm..."
"Calm about what?!" Buffy cried out, panic beginning to take rise, "What is it?!?"
"There is a new demon threat here in Sunnydale, and I'm afraid there is little you can do to stop it."
"Yeah, but if it's a demon," Oz reasoned, "Then she has a better chance of stopping it than we do, right? I mean, that's kinda her job."
"Not this time." Giles said plainly.
"So," Buffy said, trying to remain calm, "Does this demon have a name..or do I have to play a game of twenty questions?"
Giles looked at her with a straight face and answered, "They are known as the Snaoring...powerful demons that can wipe all reason from the thoughts of mortal man, with one single glance."
Buffy pause, and cocked her head.
Then she looked at all of the faces of her friends, studying them closely, and asked, "Snaoring? Is that even a word?"
"Buffy," Giles said annoyed, "now's not the time to make jokes about this. This is a very serious situation."
"What is?" Joyce asked, appearing behind her daughter, "Buffy, I was waiting outside for twenty minutes. When you didn't't come out, I figured I come in. I thought you might be in here. Weren't we supposed to go to the mall today before you have to patrol? You know, the mother/daughter bonding thing?"
"Um, mom," Buffy said, "That's tomorrow...if there's a tomorrow. Right now we have to figure out how to stop this Snaoring from wiping out people's minds before it's too late."
"Oh, that's easy dear," Joyce said with a smile, "just run it through a spell check and you should have it snoring by the evening."
"Mom, you..."
Buffy stopped herself when she heard the uncontrollable laughter burst out in the room.
"April Fools honey," her mother smiled triumphantly, as the rest of her cohorts fell to the floor in tears.
The end...so there :P
"Byte Me!"
by, T.C. HealyDisclaimer: Giles is owned by Joss...Hotmail is owned by Microsoft...and I own the really big bat to give to Mary M.
******* Giles sat at the computer and stared at the screen for what seemed like hours, watching the little curser blink on and off...
On...
off...
on...
off..."This is ridiculous!" He practically shouted at the thing, "Why the bloody hell won't you work?!"
He pushed several buttons in the hopes that one of them might restore the screen and bring this dreaded machine back to life. None did. God, he wished Willow...or even Buffy was there to help. If only he knew as much about computers as he did the occult, he wouldn't be sitting in front of this stupid thing, making an ass of himself.
In the past, if he had a problem, Jenny would have been there in a heart beat, doing everything she could to assist him. Of course, she also constantly teased him about his techno-phobia, but at least she was there for him. But, now she was gone, and the only other people he could trust to help him with his situation, were out at the Bronze, having a great night.
" 'Computers are you friends,' " Giles mocked, hitting ctrl/alt/delete until his fingers were numb. " 'They're here to make your lives easier' Ha! They've never had an internet account on the Hellmouth. Lives easier, indeed! A festering wound would be a picnic compared to this! Work damn you!!"
PLEASE TYPE IN USERNAME
Ah ha, now he was getting somewhere, as he hunt and pecked his way across the keypad.
ENTER PASSWORD
Again, his fingers found their way to give the computer the information it needed to continue. He heard the dialing of the modem, as he waited, trying hard not to hold his breath with anticipation.
VERIFYING PASSWORD
CONFIRMING...
CONNECTED
"Yes!" he hissed, pulling up his final destination.
He had been told that he was going to receive a vial e-mail message that could give him the information necessary to defeat the Mayor. But, having a computer in the Library meant that he had to use one of the "Free E-mail" services to access it. Well, what could be so bad with that?
"Free access is great for additional addys," he remembered Willow telling him, "but it is not as reliable as a ISP e-mail. At least with a server mailer...you can call up the people and bitch them out in person."
Well, Giles thought, as he typed in his name and password, I have precious little choice.
He waited as the little icon danced on the screen, telling him (in computer speak) to "hold his horses, and give us time". If these computer people spent more time on making a user friendly piece of junk, rather than spend all this on cute little icon...perhaps more people would...
"Ah," he said, as the screen turned white, "here we are..."
SORRY WE CANNOT PROCESS YOUR REQUEST
PLEASE CHECK YOUR PASSWORD AND TRY AGAIN
THANK YOU...HOTMAIL"That's it!" he stood up, now quite furious, "I have bloody well, checked my bloody password fifty times, you stupid machine! I have contacted your representatives in a futile attempt to rectify my problem, and every time I do, I get rerouted to another help service! Well, no more! This time, I'm going to fix the problem myself!"
He walked over to the cage and opened the weapon's closet. Inside he found a large battle ax. He grasped the handle and walked back over to the computer, who appeared to be laughing at him. The closer he got to his 'enemy', knowing what was about to happen, the more empowered he began to feel. No more will he be at the mercy of these Cyber Gods, who think that because they think in binary code, that they are superior to the average man. Never again will he be made to run around in circles, in the internet's version of red tape.
He was going to end it right here. He was going to be free!
He lifted the ax, high above his head and brought it crashing down...
********** Later on, Willow, Buffy, Xander and Oz decided to stop by the Library, on their way home, to check on Giles. When they pushed open the doors, they were greeted by a strange site. Scattered on the floor, still sparking and flickering with small flames, was the computer. And in it...the large battle ax.
Giles was sitting, quite calmly, at the desk, writing a letter on some fancy parchment paper, "Um, Giles," Buffy asked, "Did the evil computer try to attack you?"
Her friends tried very hard to suppress the giggles that began to bubble to the surface and failed miserably when the Watcher turned and smiled, "Here is a little lesson for the wise...technology, while it might make our lives easier, and more convenient, it is never as reliable as the human mind.""Hotmail wouldn't let you in again." Xander surmised, giggling so hard that tears began to form in his eyes.
And when Giles answered only by lowering his head to continue his letter of request, they others joined in...
Some things would never change.
The end
|
|