When you were a baby, you'd cry sometimes in your sleep. Your face would
clench up and your little fists would thrash around. Tonight, I still see that baby when
I look at you. I suppose I always will see her. Your eyes are squeezed shut and your
forehead is beaded with perspiration. What demon are you fighting with such
intensity? What nightmare images are running through your mind? I don't know and I
probably never will. If I woke you and asked, you'd just lie to me. For my own
protection, I understand, but still a lie.
Where did my baby go? And when? It seems only yesterday that you were a
toddler; this morning you went to kindergarten; now you are nearly grown. Yet, I still
see the towheaded baby in you. I feel the deep need to protect her, to protect you.
Oh, how I envy other mothers who only have to worry about unwanted pregnancies,
sexually transmitted diseases, broken hearts and failing grades! I have to worry about
all that and the things that go bump in the night to boot! I know you feel smothered
and think I overprotect you. All daughters feel that way, sweetie. All mothers want to
wrap their darling baby girls in cotton batting to keep them safe from all the bumps and
bruises that life will persist in dishing out. And you, my sleeping angel, have to face
not only the bumps and bruises but also the fangs and talons. There is not a thing in
the living world I can do to protect you and it drives me insane.
Well, we have survived this nightmare. Your face clears and your fists
unclench. I can see your whole body relax into a peaceful sleep. Oh, my baby, you
are still so young, so vulnerable. Before I return to my own bed, I quickly smooth the
damp hair back from your forehead and brush my lips against your cheek. You stir
but don't waken. My baby. The Slayer.
I thought I heard you cry out in your sleep. Now I stand in the doorway to
your bedroom and watch you. When you were little, I could soothe away any
nightmare you suffered, but not any longer. Not now. Now, I am afraid to wake you,
so I just stand and watch.
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