Disclaimer: As always, I do not own these characters, I'm only playing with there lives. They belong to Joss Whedon and the WB. All hail JOSS!

Author's note: This story is in Giles' P.O.V.

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What did she expect me to tell her? What did she really hope to learn? The truth? How could I possibly tell her the truth about the last battles of the Slayers, when I didn’t even know? All I could tell her was that it was too painful to document; too painful to write down for others to read.

But ‘too painful’ is a vast understatement.

I was taught that a Watcher must separate his feelings for his Slayer; that their relationship should remain professional. In hindsight, I suppose the Council was correct. But in reality, how could I possibly ignore these feelings I have? How could I ignore the fact that Buffy has become the focal point of my life?

Nearly five years had gone by, since the first day I met her. Five. To this day, I’m still amazed at that. We both have faced so much evil, so much pain in that time, and yet managed to survive through it all.

For nearly five years.

When most Slayers fail to survive their first two years from the time they are called, Buffy has managed to rise above that and go on to a higher level. But is that enough? Will that keep her alive? After yesterday, I’m not completely certain.

The moment Buffy came into my shop, I knew something was wrong. After five years, I’ve learned how to read her “I’m in trouble” look. But I never fathomed what she was about to tell me. I just couldn’t. Perhaps, because it was a subject I dared not consider; an event I could not bear to imagine. Last night, Buffy, nearly died.

It’s still not something I’m able to grasp. Part of me, chastises myself for not being there to protect her. The other part, furious for becoming so attached to this young woman that I can’t bear the thought of being without her. Is this why no Watcher has ever survived without their Slayer for very long? I had never really thought about that. Not until last night. Not until it almost became a reality.

Not until Buffy nearly died.

Why can I not move past this point of sinking dread? We both knew that a Slayer’s life is short lived. But I thought as she had, that her end would not be for a very long time. I always believed, deep in my heart, that we would have more time.

But we do. She is still alive. She didn’t die.

This has become my mantra. If I tell myself this every day, then it must be true. It must be real. And she will never leave me.

Last night, she went to Spike to learn how the two Slayers he killed, died. I wonder what she will discover, yet I fear the outcome. Because no matter what she learns, no matter how much she trains, the cold harsh reality is, one day she will die.

And that will be the hardest day of my life.

The day I must say goodbye.

The End