Xander Quotes

Xander: Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.

Xander: Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way.

Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there, we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party.

Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him?' Cause I don't know anything much besides "Doritos" and "chihuahua."

Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans.

Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel?

Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words!

Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide.

Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good.

Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.

Xander: And they say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.

Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good.

Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.

Xander: Where are you from? The country of white trash?

Xander: Well, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use my powers to protect the girl's locker room.

Xander: What's going on here? People are going all Felicity with their hair.

Xander: Cavalry's here! Cavalry's a scared guy with a club, but it's here!

Xander: We're right behind you, only further back.

Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.

Xander: It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.

Xander: Those that can, do, those that can't laugh at those that, can do.

Xander: Forgiveness is my middle name. Well, actually it's LaVelle, but I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life.

Xander: Just for the record: you were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you.

Xander: For I am Xander, king of cretins. Let all lesser cretins bow before me.

Xander: People donít fall in love with whatís right in front of them. People want the dreamÖwhat they canít have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.

Xander: Iím just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain.

Xander: Did you hear that? A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.

Xander: If anyone sees my spine lying about, just try not to step on it.

Xander: A ghost, what's the deal? Is every frat on this campus haunted? and if so why do people keep coming to these parties because it's not the snacks.

Xander: I'm not gonna waste the perfect comeback on you now. But don't think I don't have it. Oh yes, it's time will come!

Xander: I said I didn't remember anything about that. Look, the point is, is I have an affinity with this thing. I can get inside of its head. I'm a big, bad wolf. I'm on the prowl. I'm sniffing, I'm snarling, I'm a slobbering predator, I'm... Wait a second! It's right in front of us. It's obvious who I am. I'm Larry! The guy's practically got wolf-boy stamped on his forehead. You got the dog bite, you got the aggression, not to mention the excessive back hair.

Xander: Whoa! Whoa, back up. Who said anything about eternity? A man can only talk self-tanning lotion for so long before his head explodes!


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