Xander: Hi, for those of you who just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person.
Xander: Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm freaked out, and I intend to stay that way.
Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there, we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party.
Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him?' Cause I don't know anything much besides "Doritos" and "chihuahua."
Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans.
Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel?
Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words!
Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide.
Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say they're not good.
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Xander: And they say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.
Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not good.
Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.
Xander: Where are you from? The country of white trash?
Xander: Well, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to turn invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use my powers to protect the girl's locker room.
Xander: What's going on here? People are going all Felicity with their hair.
Xander: Cavalry's here! Cavalry's a scared guy with a club, but it's here!
Xander: We're right behind you, only further back.
Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.
Xander: It's funny how the earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
Xander: Those that can, do, those that can't laugh at those that, can do.
Xander: Forgiveness is my middle name. Well, actually it's LaVelle, but I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life.
Xander: Just for the record: you were right, I'm an idiot, and God bless you.
Xander: For I am Xander, king of cretins. Let all lesser cretins bow before me.
Xander: People donít fall in love with whatís right in front of them. People want the dreamÖwhat they canít have. The more unattainable, the more attractive.
Xander: Iím just gonna go home, lie down, and listen to country music. The music of pain.
Xander: Did you hear that? A bonus day of class, plus Cordelia. Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever.
Xander: If anyone sees my spine lying about, just try not to step on it.
Xander: A ghost, what's the deal? Is every frat on this campus haunted? and if so why do people keep coming to these parties because it's not the snacks.
Xander: I'm not gonna waste the perfect comeback on you now. But don't think I don't have it. Oh yes, it's time will come!
Xander: I said I didn't remember anything about that. Look, the point is, is I have an affinity with this thing. I can get inside of its head. I'm a big, bad wolf. I'm on the prowl. I'm sniffing, I'm snarling, I'm a slobbering predator, I'm... Wait a second! It's right in front of us. It's obvious who I am. I'm Larry! The guy's practically got wolf-boy stamped on his forehead. You got the dog bite, you got the aggression, not to mention the excessive back hair.
Xander: Whoa! Whoa, back up. Who said anything about eternity? A man can only talk self-tanning lotion for so long before his head explodes!
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