Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or concepts from BTVS and ANGEL, they belong to Joss Whedon e.a., I don't own BIG BROTHER either,  I'm just borrowing them for this non-commercial fanfic, so no need to sue anyone.

Timeline: Alternative Timeline that splits from the Buffy universe before ANGEL episode "Shanshu".

Spoilers: see Timeline

Synopsis: The LA and the Sunnydale gang apply to the TV show BIG BROTHER.

Protagonists: both regular casts (except Oz and Gunn)

Rating: PG - if you can watch the show, this should be okay.

Author's comments: Please excuse my mistakes, I am not a native speaker of English.
And: This story has many parodistic elements, both regarding BB and B/A, so don't take this too seriously, it's supposed to be fun.
The story follows the rules of Big Brother Germany, so it may differ from the show as you know it. Comments welcome (bloody_mary3333@angelfire.com). And if you want more of this, please send me challenges.

106 Days

Day 1: The entrance

"Here we are again. You're watching Big Brother, and our candidates are about to move in. My name is Olliver Geissen, I've hosted two successful seasons of Big Brother Germany, and I'll join you through this season of Big Brother USA.

Shut away from the world for 106 days! As the number of viewers is still steadily increasing, here once again the rules. Back to basic, which means: No electric machines, such as washing machine or electric razor, no TV, no computer. The inhabitants do not have any contact with the rest of the world, not with the media, and, which is more important, not with their families either. They will live on a limited budget, which they can increase by solving their weekly tasks – or lose it by failing. And what's best: You will be able to follow their actions in every single detail because the whole house is watched by DIGITAL CAMERAS with the most recent technology – 24 hours a day! Every second week, two inhabitants are nominated by the group to leave the house, and it's YOU, dear audience, who will decide for whom the game is over! We will continue the procedure until there are only three candidates left. And the winner, whom YOU will decide upon with your phone vote, takes home $250,000!!!!!!!!"

The audience was cheering and shouting. Behind the scenes, Angel shook his head. "The money is the only reason to make me do this. If they hadn't threatened to sue us out of the building for not paying the rent..."

"No, you mustn't think so!" Cordy protested. "Of course, it was not THAT cool to write out the bills by hand at candlelight after they'd shut down the energy because you couldn't pay the bill," she admitted, "But remember I always keep telling you you're exaggerating your generosity! C'mon, boss, this is gonna be fun!"

Angel forced himself to smile. "Sorry if I doubt that. Cordy, I'm doing this for the agency, and that's it. You know what's at stake if they find out I'm a vampire." He only became aware of the pun after saying it.

"They won't," Cordy tried to calm him, "The producer of the show is one himself! He assured you there were no cameras in the barn where the chickens are kept, and that's where the blood will be delivered. And remember how desperately he wanted you for the show, he won't risk anything. Don't you trust him? What did you say how long did you know him?"

"John? For 155 years," Angel sighed. "You're probably right, though I hate to say so. Yet I don't really trust him. John has always been known for making changes to game rules at the very last moment."

"Be grateful," Cordy said enthusiastically, "The original rules did not permit the inhabitants to have ever met before the show, so I couldn't have gone into the Big Brother house with you! I'm there to support you!"

"Which will accidentally make your face known to every producer and every bored housewife in America," Angel added ironically.

"Well, yes," Cordy replied with a broad smile, "And look how this increases the agency's chances to take the money home! 12 persons in the house, 3 of them belonging to Angel Investigations, that gives us a... a..." She frowned and tried to calculate. "...whatever, a pretty good chance!"

Angel sighed again. "106 days with you, Wesley and 8 people we haven't seen yet. On air 24 hours, with digital cameras that do not employ a single mirror. Let's just hope it's worth the sacrifice."

"Nobody talks about the sacrifice I'm making," Wesley complained. "106 days with complete strangers, not a single book, and not even a bedroom of my own."

On stage, the host of the show continued to give the viewers and the live audience an idea of the circumstances. "The water in the shower is cold, and there are just two bedrooms, which have to be shared. The stove is completely without electricity. For those who have seen the preceding seasons of the show, there have been slight changes. We have removed the sauna and included a swimming pool instead. And, unlike previous seasons, we have abolished the rule that the inhabitants must be complete strangers. In fact, we even have young couples in there! But now I've been talking for too long. I'll now give way to our 12 candidates. Good evening, America! I now declare the new Big Brother season open."

"Buffy, you don't have to do this for me."

Buffy smiled at Riley. "I know. But I want to. I can't let them throw you out of college just because the government no longer pays for your studies. Basically I'm the reason you lost your scholarship, so least I can do is increase your chances of getting $ 250,000. I want you to become a star psychologist!"

Riley kissed her gently on the forehead. "Thank you, baby. I'll have to become one if I ever want to find out why you're so wonderful." He lowered his voice. "I understand they accepted us for the show, but why on earth did they take Xander and Anya as well?"

Buffy chuckled. "Probably because they thought their chances for real sex in the show quite good. Audience ratings. Guess that was their reason for taking Willow and Tara as well."

Xander walked up to them. "Hey, did you see those gorgeous monitors everywhere? I love this show, and I still can't believe I'm in!"

"Shsh," Riley said suddenly, "We're missing Tara!"

The three of them fixed their eyes on the backstage monitor, which was just showing the host's interview with Tara.

"Must be hard for Tara," Buffy said thoughtfully, "Spending 106 days in the house, she's normally so shy!"

"Stupid," Xander remarked, "250,000 bucks for herbs, potions, books on witchcraft 'n' useless stuff like that."

"Well, I see your motives as well, if you won the money, you could stop doing all kinds of boring jobs any highschool dropout could do," Riley said, not noticing Xander's annoyed looks. "But what made Giles participate in a show he wouldn't even watch if he were tied to a chair in front of the TV?"

Buffy shrugged. "Since the library burnt down, or rather exploded, he's been out of job. He may run out of money."

"Not quite," they heard Giles' significant voice from behind. "Though this was indeed a bold assumption, Buffy."

"I--- I'm so---- I'm so sorry," Buffy stuttered.

"There is no need for an apology. You know I do not exactly appreciate your participation in the show. I still consider it far too dangerous. Regarding your... conjectures on my motives for suffering this chaos myself, I think I can explain that sufficiently. Practically all of you are somehow involved in this... project. You and Riley to finance his studies. Xander and Anya to secure their financial future. Willow and... Tara ... well, because everyone else is in. What I am hinting at, there has to be at least one person to take care of you. Especially since we are unfamiliar with the remaining five candidates, we must be careful. I am no longer a Watcher, Buffy, yet I will guard your secret identity while you are under the observation of cameras."

Buffy smiled. "Thank you, Giles. I'm glad you'll be there."

"And now, dear viewers," the host continued, "stay with us when our 12 inhabitants will move into the Big Brother house after a short commercial."

"Here we are again. You're watching Big Brother, and our candidates are about to move in. They are in sound-proof cabins at the moment, so they cannot hear me right now. As I've already told you, we've changed the rules to enable close friends to move in together. What our candidates do not know: Most of the 12 candidates have met before."

A sound of surprise went through the rows of the live audience, increased by astonishment from the tape.

"They will now enter the house in small groups. And we're all longing for that first meeting in the house! Allow me to say a few words on the relationships between the groups: Before Buffy from Sunnydale, California..." They showed Buffy's introduction. "... became the girlfriend of Riley from Dunkingtown, Iowa, she was... can anyone guess? Yes, she was in love with Angel from Los Angeles, California!"

The audiences yelled with enthusiasm as their host continued. "Don't fail to see their reaction! Again, neither of them knows they are meeting their ex! But that's not everything! Cordelia from LA was with Xander from Sunnydale when they were at high school. As you see, tension will be predetermined.

And now, before we close the door behind them for 106 days, let me present you the two remaining candidates --- here is William "Spike" from Sunnydale, California, and Faith, from..." He looked confused, since it did not appear on his card.

"... Disneyland," Faith said, as she entered the stage, smiling. "Hi, Olliver."

"Hello, Faith. Nice to meet you, Spike. And again, a special surprise for our viewers: Faith had a one night stand with... anyone wanna guess? No, not Wesley! With BOTH Xander AND Riley!"

Faith and Spike smiled at each other. "As I told you," Spike said under his non-existent breath, "giving my old friend John some additional information on his candidates couldn't do any harm, could it?"

The group from L.A. were the first to settle in. Cordelia started complaining about the noise of the moving cameras at once, then remembered she was on air and began to pose in front of them. Wesley sighed. 106 days could be a very long time.

Angel had just chosen the place nearest to the door (to be able to leave the men's bedroom at night without waking anyone to get his blood) when the speakers announced they should open the front door for the next inhabitants.

"I was just getting used to the silence in the house," Angel said with audible regret.

"Don't be that negative," Cordy chided, "They've probably chosen nice guys!"

"Nice guys would be too normal," Wesley noted, "And as we are quite normal, freaks are more likely to move in. Better audience ratings." With these words, he reached for the handle and opened the door.

"Welcome to our humble..." Cordelia began enthusiastically, then she recognized who was standing at the door, "...home," she added, and glanced uncomfortably from Buffy and Riley to Angel.

The surprise was clearly visible on their faces. The unexpected encounter left all three of them speechless, staring at each other, disbelieving.

Buffy felt her heart beat hard in her chest, the heat rising into her face, as she suddenly faced Angel, standing before her, dressed all in black, his eyes seeming to see straight into her soul. The silence seemed to press on her to say something. "Hi," she whispered.

"Hi," Angel replied softly.

Riley's face turned white with anger. "No!"

Cordy tried to ease the tension. "We're being rather monosyllabic today, aren't we?" Her attempt was totally ignored by the others, yet it was enough to take Buffy back to the undeniable reality. "Riley..." she began, but Riley interrupted her.

"No, Buffy, we're turning back right now!"

"Riley, don't rush in now. Think of your studies first." Buffy put a hand on his shoulder to calm him, but he shook it off.

"No, I'd rather leave university and sell ice-cream for the rest of my life than move into this house right now!" he protested.

"What's wrong with selling ice-cream?" Xander asked from behind.

Buffy lowered her voice and forced Riley to look at her. "Riley, we've moved heaven and earth to get into the show, you need the money, you can't just say you don't want to do this any more just because of some unnecessary and childish jealousy!" She looked at him intensely. "Riley, if I didn't love you, I wouldn't have taken 3 months off my... job to help you with this. We've discussed it, and it's the only way. So please, be sensible now. Take our baggages and go in with me. Hey, time will fly."

Riley looked at her doubtfully. "You really want me to spend 106 days with your ex-boyfriend!"

"Don't worry, looks more like two weeks for you," Angel commented.

"You are not exactly a help," Buffy said angrily. Then she turned to Riley once more. "You're not afraid he might beat you, are you?"

Riley tried to disguise his insecurity with laughter. "Ridiculous!" He reached for his suitcase. "Let's take a look around our new home!"

They had scarcely had time to get over the first shock and make a first introduction when they were asked to the door once again.

In the light of the spots around the house, Buffy first saw two silhouettes approaching the house - a female figure, clearly enjoying her entrance, her long hair moving in the breeze, and someone she recognized from his gait without having to see his face.

"Spike," she said with disapproval.

Then Faith stepped into the light. "Hey, B."

"Faith." Buffy's voice nearly failed her.

"God, what have I done to deserve this!" Riley cried.

"Not again," Giles complained, "Thought I were rid of you as a roommate for good."

"Whatever you do," Xander said aggressively, "This time I won't lend you any of my clothes!"

"It's nice to have such a warm welcome," Spike remarked.

"Spike. What do you want?" Angel asked suspiciously, the events of their last encounter still vivid in his memory.

"Same thing as you," Spike replied, "With $250,000, I could buy my own blo...I mean, bank. Till then, we're gonna take care of the chickens together. What's up

with you, doesn't anyone want to show Faith and me to our rooms?"

"I'd love to show you to the door," Buffy said grimly.

"We haven't talked about rooms so far," Giles admitted, "Yet I would suggest we separate according to gender."

"No!" Anya protested, "You can't separate me and Xander! Anyone objects if he sleeps in the women's bedroom? No? Great!" She flung herself into the arms of her boyfriend.

"Not so fast," Cordy disagreed, "I protest! I'm not going to sleep in one room with my... ex! That's sick!"

"Fine," Anya said, prepared for compromise, "I have no problem sleeping in the men's bedroom!"

"I can imagine that," was Spike's vicious comment.

"All right," Riley said, "Then I want to share the bed with Buffy as well."

"Why don't you just sleep with us girls?" Faith suggested, "There's plenty of room in the bed next to me."

"All right, Riley, you stay where you are, I'm going over," Buffy said quickly.

Spike raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Should be interesting."

"Spike, do me a favor - just shut up."

The new inhabitants of the Big Brother house moved their suitcases to their respective rooms.

The only difference between the two bedrooms was the color of the satin sheets, red and blue, which caused Spike to remark they looked like brothrels. The bedrooms were not provided with much more than a shelf and a large bed with room for six people.

"One large bed for all, three places in the front row, and three in the back" Wesley announced, "By the way, the place in the back row next to the wall is mine."

"Why?" Spike asked, just to oppose.

"Because I'm snoring less when I can support my spine --- and I don't suppose you want to do the job," Wesley replied, leaving Spike in doubt whether he was being serious.

"Back row for me, too," Giles reserved the place next to Wesley for himself. "I can't sleep if I'm near the door, the draught is deadly."

"Then I'll take the last bed in the back row," Spike said.

"Why?" Riley asked, slightly annoyed.

"Because I must climb over your girlfriend if I have to get up during the night," the vampire retorted, leaving Riley in doubt whether he really meant what he said.

"Well, then everything's clear," Buffy said and occupied the first bed in the front row. What she had not thought of was Riley.

"That's too much to ask," Riley came to life, "I'm not gonna sleep next to that..."

Buffy gave him a warning look to remind Riley that he was on air all the time. "...what I'm saying is, I'm not gonna sleep next to Angel," he corrected.

"He's not gonna bite you," Buffy replied, causing Giles to cough nervously.

"You're free to move to the girls' room," Angel told Riley, You fit in there better anyway.

"Since we are a couple, Angel and Spike should simply change places," Riley suggested, but Spike just laughed.

"You don't really expect me to fall asleep next to the slay... er... slut without anyone between us. Sorry, Finn, I'll stay exactly where I am. It's just the three of you," the vampire said with unconcealed satisfaction.

"Don't look at me," Giles and Wesley replied in unison.

Angel avoided to look at anyone.

Buffy slowly realized that three months with both Angel and Riley would be a challenge to her nerves. All she could hope for was that one of them got nominated and had to move out soon --- which she did not look forward to if she was completely honest. "You're being totally unreasonable," she finally sighed, "Am I the only adult person in this room?" With these words, she occupied the place between the two.

For the first time, the thought entered Riley's mind that being so stubborn as to not lying next to the vampire might not have been the wisest decision.

The watchers were asleep already when Buffy and Riley went to bed in the Big Brother house, it was already two o'clock in the morning. Buffy had tried to postpone the moment as long as possible, yet after the excitement of the show and everything connected to it, her body now really called for some rest.

"Where are the... the others?" Riley asked in a low voice.

"Probably in the garden, looking after the blood...y chickens," she replied as she slid into the bed next to her boyfriend.

"Luckily, they are more like... night persons, they'll probably go to sleep when we get up," Riley said with relief.

"Yeah," Buffy answered, seeming deep in thought. "Riley, I know this is difficult for you..."

Riley kissed her. "That's okay. I've calmed down. There's nothing to be afraid of. You're both old enough to handle the situation, and I trust you. Good night, love."

"Good night."

Riley was asleep fast. Buffy lay awake in the dark for a while.

Day 2: How to anger Bill Gates when you do not have a computer at your
disposal

Angel was silent when he entered the bedroom in the early morning hours, yet Buffy would have woken even if he had not made any noises at all. After all this time, she could still sense his presence.

She kept her eyes closed, pretending to sleep as she heard the rustling of his clothes and felt the bed next to her give way a little under his weight.

Angel felt the warmth of her body as he lay down beside her. He heard her breath and her heartbeat, he clearly know she was not asleep, however he decided to make her think he believed otherwise. Talking to Buffy would only render things more complicated. Lying awake in the darkness, Angel tried to ignore he only had to stretch out his hand to touch her.

Buffy was still half asleep when whispers and the creaking of hinges reached into her dreams. At least one of her roommates was getting up, trying not to wake those still sleeping. It was probably still early, so Buffy decided to sink back to her sleep completely. She rolled to one side and felt the arms of her lover close around her, and in the embrace, she fell asleep again.

It was around midday when Buffy woke, still enfolded in a beautiful dream and a physical embrace. Why had she never noticed how strong Riley's arms were? At that thought, a sudden truth crossed her mind, and she opened her eyes wide. Her suspicion was confirmed. Probably it had been Riley she had heard get up so early, and in her sleep, she must have confused the sides... it was Angel who was holding her.

Her sudden movement seemed to separate him from his dreams very slowly, very gradually. Buffy tried to slide from Angel's arms while he was still asleep and unaware of the reality of this, when his arms gently tightened around her, and she heard him whisper her name.

If only it didn't feel so right, she thought in despair.

His eyelids flattered, and suddenly their eyes met. He was fully awake and looking at her.

Without a word, Buffy left the bed and ran, or rather fled, to the bathroom.

Angel still felt Buffy's scent when he entered the living room, not sure what he actually wanted to explain – that he had been sleeping, that they both had, that there was no problem living together, after having avoided the painful memories for a year?

He could smell the dishes of the day before, still undone, already from there. "Whose turn is the washing-up?" he asked.

"Mine," Spike replied from the sofa.

"Excuse the question, but, why then are you still here?"

"I don't even EAT, so why should I do the dishes?"

Angel shook his head. In that mood, it was no use talking to Spike, and the times he would have accepted his orders were long since gone.

Angel met Buffy in the kitchen. She was preparing some cereals for breakfast.

"Hi," he said.

Buffy murmured something incomprehensible.

"Listen..." Angel began.

"No, it's okay, we're still settling in, we'll get used to the situation, and after all, I'm here with Riley."

"Yeah." Angel watched her silently for a moment. She still wore her transparent silk nightdress which showed the curves of her body clearly.

"We don't have to mention it."

"No."

Buffy turned around, avoiding to look at him, trying to flee to the living room with the cereals. As she was not looking, she noticed too late that also Angel had tried to get out of her way. She stopped right before him.

"Sorry," they said at the same time.

Buffy's hand trembled, she almost spilt the milk. Angel instinctively reached out to steady her. Their hands touched.

Like drawn by some magic, she looked straight into his eyes.

"Buffy, I..."

"Angel." Buffy didn't know why she had said his name, perhaps only to hear it again, to feel herself saying it. Angel. That's what it could have been like. Each and every morning, waking up and the first thing I see is you.

Buffy. You have no idea what it's like to hear you say my name, knowing you're here with him, when the only thing I want to do right now is crash a kitchen table once again. Angel looked away. "I'll see you later. I'm having a shower."

Still like in trance, she followed him with her eyes. Then her tension eased. "The water's ice-cold," she shouted behind him.

"I know."

Kate Lockley cursed.

"What's up?" Officer Bellard asked curiously.

"Get me Peters at once. The network is down again, and I need some information from the FBI website."

Bellard chuckled. "Good luck, Kate."

"Why?"

"It's not the network, Kate. It's the world wide web."

"What do you mean, it's the web?"

"It's down. No server working any more, America's gone, and Europe, too."

"Hackers?"

"No --- Big Brother."

"WHAT?" she almost shouted.

"They broadcast the show 24 hours via internet. Something interesting must have happened this morning, so many users linked to the site that nothing goes. Nowhere. Experts say it will take days to get every server working again."

"What could be so exciting as to cause a breakdown of the internet?" Kate wondered.
 
 

Day 2: The weekly task

Cordelia took a deep breath as she began to recite the letter from Big Brother containing the weekly task. She talked like an actress on stage. "Dear inhabitants."

"C'mon, Cordelia, you're not reading Shakespeare!" Spike complained.

Cordy ignored him. "Dear inhabitants. First. This week, it is your task to perform scenes from the motion picture 'Interview with the vampire'."

"Our friend John has an eccentric taste," Spike remarked.

"Don't keep interrupting me!" Cordelia hissed at him. "Second. You will find textbooks, costumes, makeup and everything else in the statement room. Third: The cast. You may decide on some of the cast yourselves..."

Faith smiled viciously. "Easy. Lestat – Angel, Louis – Spike, or vice versa, we'll see. Buffy – Claudia..." She noticed with satisfaction the look of panic on Angel's face.

"Sorry, Faith, if I have to destroy your hopes, if you and Spike keep interrupting me, you'll never hear the rest! Part of the cast is fixed as follows:

Louis – Xander.

Lestat – Riley.

Malloy (The Interviewer) – Spike.

Santiago – Rupert.

Armand – Wesley.

Claudia – Anya.

Madeleine – Faith." Cordy laid the sheet of paper down. "They didn't cast me!"

"A scandal!" Spike burst out laughing. "Riley is Brad Pitt? And Xander Tom Cruise? And, pardon me, Wesley is Antonio Banderas? Well, that is sick! If you ask me, we should only place the minimum of our budget on this task."

"You think we can't do that," Xander said in a challenging tone. "We'll prove it! Place 50 per cent of the budget on us!"

"Fifty?" Spike exclaimed, "On such losers as you?"

Faith got up to get herself a drink. "Looks like you're gonna become a happy non-smoker, Spike."

"That's not funny."

"Who is for fifty?" Xander asked. Riley, Wesley and Anya raised their hands.

"Who is for minimum, thirty?" Spike asked.

Before anyone could react, Buffy suggested: "Why not find a compromise? 40 per cent, and we all do our best, also as minor characters?"

"Okay," Cordy replied. The others, one by one, agreed.

"Fine, if you want to ruin our budget!" Spike said, "Can't wait to see you as Whore on the Waterfront."

Cordelia shot him an angry glance as she went back to the statement room to announce the vote for 40%. The assembly in the living room slowly dissolved.

As Faith passed Angel, she said under her breath: "I bet you're relieved you weren't asked to relive your worst nightmare!"
 
 

Day 3: Interview with two false vampires

Willow was still painting the tapestry they had got with a huge marble angel, yet Xander had insisted they would rehearse in the half-complete scenery. He was wearing a wig with a pigtail and looked, as Anya confirmed, "radiant", and, as Spike confirmed, "as convincing as Faith would look in a nun's costume".

Xander stumbled over the graveyard, reciting: "I had lost my wife in childbirth, she and the infant had been buried less then half a year. I would have been happy to join them, I couldn't bear the pain of their loss, I longed to be released from it."

"Wrong," Cordelia interfered, waving the script in her hand. "It says ,(Crickets chirping. He drinks from a pocket-flask. His face is ashen.)."

"Sorry!" Willow said, "Chirp-chirp."

Xander drank from his coke and repeated, "I would have been happy to join them, I couldn't bear the pain of their loss, I longed to be released from it. Most of all I longed for death, I know that now, I invited it. A release from the pain of living. My invitation was open to anyone, ..."

"Cluck-cluck!"

"What the hell was that?" Xander asked, annoyed.

"The script says Chickens clucking," Willow defended herself.

Spike blew a cloud of smoke into the air as he watched them. "As I said, thirty per cent minimum."

Angel did not reply. He seemed lost in thought.

"Tara, your turn!" Cordelia commanded.

Tara entered the scene, dressed in a ragged coat they had been given, dangerously armed with a pink plastic knife she held at Xander's/Louis' throat. "Give me your money or you die," she whispered.

"How very threatening, I'm peeing my pants," Spike commented.

Riley/Lestat stood and watched.

"A shadow falls over him," Cordelia reminded, "and that shadow's supposed to be YOU, Riley! Listen, guys, I'm not going to live without makeup just because you can't keep a few lines of text!"

"All right, all right," Riley apologized. He stepped forward and tried to lift Tara, as the script said Lestat was to break the pimp's neck, but he only managed to lift her a few inches and gasped from the effort. He pretended to do what the script said.

Xander tried to faint and hurt his back as he fell to the ground. "Ouch!"

Riley bowed over him to bite him. He opened his mouth wide --- and lost his false fangs. He tried to fix them again and leaned over Xander's neck.

"Do you thtill want death?" he asked, his fangs again almost falling out, "Or have you tathted it enouth?"

"Enough!" Xander shouted pathetically.

"You've just been drained, you can't shout like that, you hardly have the strength to speak at all," Angel said in a low voice.

"Oh, listen, expert speaking!" Xander replied, offended, then jumped to his feet and left to the bathroom.

Anya/Claudia led Riley to the couch of the Big Brother house where two large dolls had been laid out.

"Oh, Claudia, you've outdone yourself," Riley said, sounding as if he was meditating upon anthropology.

"Drunk on brandy wine. A thimbleful. When I saw them, I knew they were for you," Anya explained.

"We forgive each other then?"

Anya/Claudia stared at him, sitting. She nodded.

Riley/Lestat bit of one of the youths/dolls. He finished one, was about to take the other when he staggered. "Absinthe? You gave then absinthe?"

Anya smiled viciously, just like during her best times as a demon of revenge. "No. Laudanum."

Riley went to his knees. "Laudanum!"

"Yes. It killed them, unfortunately. But it keeps the blood warm."

Lestat tries to rise.

"You...you let me drink dead blood...you... "

"One thing you taught me, never drink from the dead."

"Xander!" Riley shouted. "Oh, err... I mean, Louis!"

"My god!" Xander cried out, sounding as if he had seen a white mouse.

"Louis, put me in my coffin..."

Anya stalked up to Riley. "I'll put you in your coffin."

Riley smashed the capsules of theater blood. Then he fell back. Anya applauded.

Giles looked puzzled. "Is this just my impression, or did she ENJOY it?"

Cordelia sat silent, barely looking at the script any more.

"What's wrong?" Angel asked with concern.

"We'll never make it," Cordy sighed, "I mean, look at them. Passing the weekly task is judged by our authenticity, and do you consider RILEY and XANDER authentic vampires? They're not exactly brilliant actors, are they?"

Angel chuckled. "Actually, they're even worse than you."

She looked sceptical. "Am I to take this as a compliment?"

"Look, we haven't seen Wesley yet. Perhaps he's going to save the day."

In his usual totally exaggerated way, Xander stalked through the house. "I have searched the world for an immortal, and this is what I find."

Wesley as Armand stepped from the darkness, stumbled over his long black cape. He fished for a card, but didn't quite manage to get it out of the pocket. After endless efforts, he took a piece of paper out and wanted to thrust it at Louis/Xander, but it flew across the room, so Xander had to run and get it.

He lifted it towards the camera, declaring proudly: "Bread, peanut butter, shampoo..."

"That's the shopping list!" Cordy cried desperately.

Again, Wesley searched for the right card in the long folds of the cape. "Here it is!" he finally triumphed.

THEATRE DES VAMPIRES

By Special Invitation

Friday, 9 p.m

"Bring the petite beauty with you, no one will harm you, I won't allow it. And ah, remember my name, Armand."

Cordelia shook her head. "Angel, who did you say was going to save us?"

He smiled. "Sorry. My mistake."

Day 5: The presentation of the week's task

"Why are the producers still watching this presentation? It's clear we've failed – as I said beforehand, by the way. They could as well stop that misery now," Spike said, "The only thing that passes for authentic is the wonderful graveyard and the other decorations Willow made. But I'm going to take a walk in the sun if I have to listen to those would-be vampires for a minute longer!"

"Be careful what you're saying, mind the cameras!" Buffy chided him angrily.

"Screw the cameras, they're focused on our next Oscar nominees. Thanks to Ann Rice it's almost over, now just the scene with Madeleine, collective dying, and biting the interviewer."

Though Buffy was annoyed by the way Spike stated his opinion, she had to admit he was right. For someone who had faced so many vampires in combat, both Xander and Riley understood their nature very little, and there was no way they could pass the week's task.

Anya/Claudia led Xander/Louis into the improvised hotel suite. "Louie is shy," she said.

Madeleine/Faith rose and came towards Xander/Louis. She drew back the lace fringes round her throat, so he could see the two marks there. She said softly, dreamily: "Drink."

Xander/Louis turned away.

Anya/Claudia spoke from the bed. "Do it Louie, because I cannot do. I haven't the strength. You saw to that when you made me."

Xander/Louis turned to Faith/Madeleine. She could still smell the turkey sandwich he had eaten. "You haven't the vaguest conception under God what you ask."

Suddenly Faith left her role and exploded. "And you haven't the vaguest conception under god what a lousy vampire you make! Hey, guys, I've given you a chance, I haven't tried to spoil the task, but I'm not going to make a fool of myself by asking a toothless pseudo-vamp like XANDER to bite me if millions of people are watching, not for the very life of me! Face it, it's over, with THAT cast we didn't have a chance in the first place! Yes, hate me, nominate me, but I'm the only one to be honest in here!" She threw her wig on the ground.

"Fine," Xander shouted, "I didn't expect anything else from you!" He stormed out in the garden.

Anya sighed, took off her long blond wig and walked out of the room.

Faith was about to do the same, when she was roughly taken by the arm and turned around, looking at Angel's fully vamped out face.

"You're not going anywhere," he ordered sharply, "We will go through with it."

*My God, he's vamped out – the cameras, my God, everyone will know,...* Then she realized: *No camera showed him, they all were focused on our scene. They will think it's a mask.*

She stared into Angel's fiery eyes when he whispered: "You haven't the vaguest conception under God what you ask."

Though shivering as she felt the reality of the scene with every fibre of her body, she replied boldly: "Au contraire, Monsieur, I have."

Angel pushed her away.

*Anya went out, and Claudia is supposed to scream here,* Faith thought with disappointment.

But the scream came ---- from Buffy.

Buffy had taken Anya's wig and walked up to Angel. "You have found your new companion, Louie, you will make me mine," she said, challenging the vampire.

The surprise was visible in his eyes, yet he seemed the incarnation of Louis as he said: "How do we seem to you. Do you find us beautiful, magical. Our white skin our fierce eyes. Drink you ask me. Do you know the thing you will become?"

Buffy/Claudia put her hand gently on his shoulder. "Your evil is that you cannot be evil, and I shall suffer no longer."

Angel/Louis looked away. "Don't make me do this, I cannot."

Buffy glared at him, pure hatred speaking from her voice. "Yet you could do it to me. Snatch me from my mother's hand, like two monsters in a fairy tale. And now you weep." Then her voice was free of anger, pure sadness, as she added: "You haven't tears enough for what you've done to me. You give her to me, Louie. Do this before you leave me." Tears began to stream down Buffy's face. Her voice was shaking and nearly failed her. "Oh God, I love you still, and that's the torment of it. But who will care for me, my love, my dark angel, when you are gone?"

There was deep silence in the room. Riley stared at the scene, disbelieving, trying to tell himself that it was Claudia speaking, not Buffy.

Angel was unable to reply.

It was the voice of Big Brother through the speakers that broke the silence. "Dear inhabitants, though we were quite impressed by the last scene, we have to tell you that you have NOT passed your task, and therefore lose 40% of your budget."
 
 

Day 6: The first nomination

The host announced the rules once again. "Every inhabitant is called into the statement room separately, the others cannot see or hear him. Everyone has got two votes. They represent his or her suggestion who of the candidates is to leave the house. The first vote gets 2 points, number two 1 point. In addition, you viewers also have 2+1 points to distribute. The candidates who get most votes are nominated to leave the house. During the next week, it is again you who decide upon one candidate, who must leave the house next Saturday. Remember, it's your vote that matters most, and there are valuable prizes for you to win, so call us!"

Kate Lockley threw herself on the sofa and turned up the volume.

"Faith, would you please come to the statement room?"

That was the little slut she had had the pleasure to arrest.

Faith looked relaxed.

"How are you, Faith?"

"Fine, Olliver."

"May I have your votes, please? And give us a brief explanation why you chose these persons."

"My first vote goes to Wesley."

"Could you tell us why?"

"He's walking around with a stick in his ass. He's so damn serious, I can't bear him any longer! Okay, my second vote goes to Giles, I mean, Rupert. As a reason, well, he wastes our budget on tea and insufferable cookies he calls biscuits, can you imagine anyone spending MONEY on that?"

"Thank you very much, Faith. Would you please call Tara in?"

Tara sat on her chair nervously, hardly raising her eyes to meet the camera. "This is hard for me," she whispered, "I get along with most people here quite well. I didn't sleep much tonight. After all, I've decided on Wesley and Cordelia. Basically because I hardly know them. I feel a little... incomfortable with strangers around, though."

Xander curiously inspected the camera. "Am I on air?"

"You sure are!"

"Great! Yes, my nominations. First vote: Faith. Reason: sexual harrassment. She undresses me with her eyes all the time. Second vote: Dead b..." He pretended to cough to cover his mistake. Why did this happen during a live show? "Second vote is Angel."

"Can you give us a reason?"

"One??? How much time do I have?"

Willow smiled shyly. "The nomination is hard on all of us, I suppose. Well, I think I have to say two names. First one: Faith. Honestly, I don't think she takes the weekly task and her duties in the household serious. Second one, I'm afraid, Wesley. The others are just too close friends to say any other name. I'm sorry, Wes, but as I said, The nomination is hard on all of us, I suppose."

Spike walked into the statement room as if it was his personal stage. "I'd have a reason to nominate practically everyone in here. I could nominate blondie Buff, or her Iowa cowboy. I could also nominate Holy Angel, who keeps treating me as if he was my father..." he laughed. "But to what end? Well, I wouldn't nominate Faith, she's pretty cool. And nominating Xander and Anya wouldn't do anything, you won't vote for them, 'cos you wanna see them fuck. So what? We really don't need 'Where-are-my-books'-Wes, so that's number one, don't forget to note TWO points for him! And number two? Have a guess – who's this? Talking without punctuation, without ever breathing, and saying absolutely nothing save cosmetics, hair and fashion? Thinks she's the greatest actress since Liz Taylor? Right! Well, she dreams of a nomination, so she gets mine! Okay, it's not the Oscar, but it's a beginning. Fine, that's all. Thanks, guys, see ya next week."

"Spike is the most annoying person I've ever met," Cordy complained, "And that starts with his outfit! Leather, that was cool five years ago, now it's just... old! So, my first nomination is Spike. As to the second one, I've chosen Tara – I really don't know her, and she doesn't do anything to change it. She hardly talks a word, I think she hates us all, except Willow. Well, that's it, hugs and kisses to my fans, I love you, bye!"

Wesley looked quite serious as he took his place in the statement room. He looked as if he was about to perform an exorcism. "My first vote goes to Spike. I see no need to apologize for my choice, he plays the tyrant in here. Number two, I'm really sorry for you, Angel, but I must vote for Faith, for the benefit of everybody else in this game."

Giles adjusted his glasses, blinded by the spot. "No one outthere has any clue about what it is like to live with a person like Spike. Nevertheless, my first choice to leave the house would be Faith. She has no sense of responsiblity or social feeling. Therefore, she gets two points, whereas Spike ranges behind her with one."

Buffy's nomination was probably the fastest one. "To cut a long story short: Number one: Faith. Number two: Spike. If you've been watching, you'll know why."

Olliver had to admonish the girls in the live audience several times to keep silent before he felt it was safe to open the line to Angel.

"Hello, Angel. Same question as everybody: how do you feel?"

The vampire smiled, of course having no idea about Red Cross workers taking care of fainting girls in the studio. "The situation is still new to me. Yet some people here already seem to feel like home, extending their personal chaos on the house and never cleaning up. If I'm here for much longer, I'll feel like having a shower three times a day." Angel frowned. "Why is there so much background noise? Is that your live audience?"

"You know our rules, no talking about the outside. May I have your votes?"

Anyone who knew Angel well would have distinguished a yellowish spark in his eyes as he announced: "Personally, I could do without Riley." He suppressed the demon at once as he added: "For fairness reasons, I give my second vote to Tara, I hardly know her, and I'm sure she'll understand."

Rotten eggs and tomatoes flew onto the stage as Olliver opened the line to Riley. "Riley, would you tell us who should leave the house, in your opinion?"

"That's been really tough," Riley pretended, "But taking everything into consideration, my list consists of Angel and Spike."

"May I ask why?"

Because they are HSTs, one of them trying to steal my girlfriend. "They often split from the group, and... and I think they're eating the chicken food."

Anya was not in need of any feeble excuses or pretenses. "I nominate Cordelia and Faith, because both of them slept with Xander, and they might want to do so again. That's it. Anyone turns off the light?"

The host showed the computer graphics to the audience:

Wesley: 7

Rupert: 1

Cordelia: 3

Faith: 10

Angel: 3

Spike: 7

Tara: 2

Riley: 2

"Now, Gudrun, may I have our viewers' votes, please?" Olliver turned to his attractive colleague at her computer terminal. She smiled at the camera: "Our viewers have voted quite differently from the house – I'm sorry, this time your vote won't influence the result of the nominations, since 90% of you voted for Riley, and 10% for Xander. This can put neither of them on the list, since that makes 4 for Riley and 1 for Xander, not enough to get a nomination. According to this, we have three nominees: Faith, Spike, and Wesley."

"Thank you, Gudrun. We will now contact the inhabitants to tell them about it."

They had gathered in the living room, as the news were announced. "Dear inhabitants. Here are the results. We have three nominees, one of whom is going to leave the house next week. Number one: Faith."

Faith smiled and bowed. "Hey, that's the game."

"Number two: Spike."

"Surprise," the vampire said sarcastically, "I'd never suspected, I'm shocked at my popularity! Well, you can put me on the list every week, I won't go, anyway."

"Number three: Wesley."

Wesley sank down on his knees. "Whoever nominated me, THANK YOU!!!!"

"From today, our viewers have a week to call the number of the person they want to leave. The lines are now open, and we'll talk again next Saturday! Good night!"

Day 7: Fluffy

"Dear inhabitants. Part of the game is to develop a sense of social reposibility. Therefore, Big Brother puts you in charge of a group of pets. You will find them in the statement room. Their names are Fluffy, Esmeralda, and Toby."

"Fluffy, that's cute!" Cordy said enthusiastically.

"We ask you to be kind to them, care for them, and buy their food from your budget. You will share your pool with Toby until you have built his own pool, which is your week's task for this week." Spike paused. "Sharing the pool with a stupid fish, wonderful. Well, the text again. Neither Fluffy, nor Esmeralda, nor Toby may be nominated, eaten or in some other way harmed."

"Building a pool can't be that difficult," Faith claimed.

"At least not if you don't throw away the shovel the very last moment again," Angel replied.

"If I do, I'm sure you'll make me pick it up again," she said.

Did Riley just imagine this, or did Buffy shoot her an angry look?

"Fifty per cent," Xander demanded.

"Yes," Anya agreed at once, "Xander's very skillful with his hands... what?"

"We're not likely to get a less intellectual task," Spike said, "I hate to agree with you, but we have to take fifty, otherwise I won't get any cigarrettes at all."

"Building a pool would ruin my nails, so I'd suggest the guys do the pool thing, and we take care of the pets. I've always wanted a little cat when I was a girl!" Cordelia said.

Buffy looked doubtful. "Even a cat with such a name?"

"Oh, of course Buffy is much more serious than Fluffy," Faith added.

"What I was trying to say, I think I prefer helping with the pool." As Buffy said it, she realized she would have to conceal part of her slayer's strength because of the cameras.

Spike rose. "I'll tell them we take fifty per cent, then, and get the puffy-fluffy cats in."

"I'm looking forward to having animals here, too," Anya said.

"Tara knows how to care for a cat," Willow added.

"They are wonderful creatures," Tara said shyly. "I'd hoped we would get one."

"I don't get along with pets very well," Angel said, "They tend to be scared of me."

"Can't imagine why," Wesley said with a smile. "But I know what you mean. To me, cats have always seemed malicious, somehow."

That moment, they heard Spike's laughter from the statement room. "Who did you say wanted to take care of Fluffy?" In his hands, he held the not so small animal.

"Species arachnidae," Wesley said with fascination.

"Ugh!" Cordelia shrieked, "Nobody told me that Fluffy was a... SPIDER!"

"Come on, Cordelia, look at the cute little pet!" Spike insisted, trying to put the spider on Cordelia's arm. She screamed and ran out.

"I guess Esmeralda is not a bird, then," Buffy supposed carefully.

"More likely to eat birds," Spike confirmed, "We're gonna have to order white mice for her, she's a snake."

"No!" Willow protested, "We're not going to kill animals to feed such a beast."

"I'm sure, if you talk to her, Will, you can persuade her to become a vegetarian."

Tears began to swell in Willow's eyes. Tara put her arm around her shoulders protectively. "You're a mean person, Spike," she said.

"And you're a lesbian person, live and let die," Spike replied.

Strange noises came from the statement room.

"What's that?" Giles asked, eyes opened wide.

"Probably Toby."

"The manual said Toby would need a pool. What IS Toby, a piranha?" Xander asked, horrified.

"No, not that bad. Just an alligator."

The garden was completely dark, except the lighting needed for the cameras. Spike had to be careful not to get near to the big hole they had dug for Toby's pool. Riley had made sure it would be as far from their own pool as possible. Spike was about to creep to the chicken's place, getting a drink of warm AB negative, before he had to get to work. Not that he would have spent the whole night investing time and energy for the week's task, but all day long the sun had been burning down on the garden, and he had to use the night to do his share for his cigarrettes.

As he approached the chicken's house, he heard strange noises, whispering, chattering, nervous laughter.

Curiously, he crept nearer.

"You sure there are no cameras in here?"

"Of course not! What would they do with pictures of chickens? Come on, it's been a whole week now! Or don't you love me any more?"

"I do love you, it's just... if they broadcast this, all girls all over the world are going to see my... the idea's not that bad, after all."

Spike clearly distinguished Anya's and Xander's voices, then the sound of smooching, and something heavy falling onto the floor.

"Ouch! Anya, are you crazy?"

"Sorry!"

"Be careful!"

"I am careful, Xan... Why does this thing have to be so small?"

Oh Anya, I bet there were other girls asking Xander the same question, Spike thought.

"Perhaps it's just made for chickens, not for secret sex."

"Who cares?"

Spike heard something torn apart.

"Hey, that was my best shirt!"

"We'll get you another one!"

"Yes, in a hundred days!"

"If we stay here that long, you can afford a new shirt for each day of the year."

With Anya, he's going to need it, Spike thought.

The sounds changed, grew first silent, whimpering, then loud and violent.

One, two, three, four, five, the vampire counted.

"Oh, Xander, we have to do this again tomorrow, it was wonderful!"

Hey, with the two of them, I could replace the Count in Sesame Street – or rather not, the poor kids would never reach ten.

"Yes, it was, but we have to hurry and dress, they always deliver you-know-what here, Angel and Spike are likely to show up soon, and I don't wanna be caught in the act!"

Sounding disappointed, Anya agreed.

Spike approached them, being very noisy, whistling.

Anya and Xander rushed out. Xander's face turned pale as he saw Spike. "Hi," he said, embarrassed, "We were just feeding the chickens."

Spike gave them a broad smile. "Of course. They do need some entertainment, don't they? I could hear their laughter at the doorstep already. Good-night, sweethearts." As if conspiring, he added in a low voice: "As for tomorrow night, Toby could use some company as well."

The heat visible in his face, Xander left, dragging Anya along, reproaching her.

Spike was still laughing when he returned to the living room.

"What's so funny?" Angel asked suspiciously.

"I heard Anya and Xander. In a place where there are no cameras, having sex – oh, sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it to you. What were you doing?"

Hoping you must leave on Saturday? "Watching Esmeralda, how she bit a white mouse and broke her neck – oh, sorry, Spike, I shouldn't have mentioned it to you."

Spike covered his microphone with his hand as he whispered back: "If I were you, I'd think about running the risk, I mean, sleeping with Buffy under the camera's eye and Riley's, vamping out, becoming a demon, would definitely raise audience ratings. And you could kill all your rivals – except me, of course - and take the $ 250,000."

In contrast to what Spike had expected, Angel did not get mad at him. He just regarded the other vampire with a penetrating look and said in a low voice: "Be careful what you wish for. It might be granted to you."

Spike remained cool on the outside, however, secretly he was wondering if Angel had just responded to his challenge, or if there was more to it than irony.