All characters belong to Joss Whedon, The WB Network, and 20th Century Fox. I am just a fan.

Buffy slowly opened the door to her house and stepped in. She placed her keys in her pocket and hung her jacket up on the coat rack above her. A distraught Dawn followed. When the two sisters were in the house, Buffy shut the door and looked down at Dawn. She held out her arms and they shared an emotional embrace.

“Why, Buffy...why did this have to happen?” Dawn sobbed.

Buffy closed her eyes and held her sister close.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “Things just...happen, I guess.”

Dawn shook her head.

Buffy felt the tears form in her eyes again and she lifted her head.

She looked over at the couch and shuddered. That was where her mother had died. Guilt shot through her as she placed an unruly strand of hair behind her ear.

*I should have been here...* Buffy thought to herself. *If only I had gotten here sooner. Maybe I could have saved her...maybe...*

“Why is the back door open?” Dawn asked as she walked into the kitchen, to blow her nose.

“Oh...I guess I must have...I must have left it open...”

Buffy’s mind was racing with *why’s* and *what if’s*. She ran her hands through her hair and walked into the kitchen with Dawn.

“What’s gonna happen now?” Dawn asked as she saw her sister approaching.

“I - I don’t...I don’t know, Dawn...I...”

Buffy couldn’t keep the pain locked inside her for any longer. She couldn’t hide the fear. She leaned against the wall and slid down, until she could feel the hard floor beneath her. She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her head in her hands. Tears suddenly started streaming down her face and her body trembled as she cried. Dawn rushed over to sister and put her arms around her. They needed each other right now, and if they could get through this, then they could get through anything. Dawn placed her head on Buffy’s shaking shoulder and silently prayed that their pain would soon retreat.

Spike wandered aimlessly through the graveyard, contemplating the thought of going to Buffy’s to apologize. He hadn’t seen her since the party...since the night he got thrown out a window.

“Bloody robot...” he cursed to himself.

He had tried to explain everything to her friends, but they had just tossed him out. Even Dawn rejected him. Spike frowned. Maybe he did owe the Slayer an apology. Maybe chaining her up and threatening to have Dru kill her wasn’t the best way to win her over. He headed toward her house, preparing himself for the worst. He figured she would just reject him...again, but he didn’t care. It was worth a try.

“I think you should get some sleep,” Buffy told her sister, after wiping away the remains of her tears.

“Yeah...” Dawn replied.

She started heading up the stairs.

“Aren’t you coming?”

“I - I’ll be up in a sec,” Buffy said to her.

Dawn nodded and continued to head toward her room.

Buffy wrapped her arms around her and paced through the kitchen. She spotted a picture of her, Dawn, and her mom sitting on the counter. She picked it up and recalled that day. It seemed as if it were only yesterday. When everything was perfect. Buffy smiled and brought the picture to her heart.

“Knock, knock,” said a voice.

Buffy jumped back and dropped the picture. She immediately dropped to her knees to clean up the glass. Her head shot up and saw Spike standing at the wide open back door. She took the photograph her hands and stood up.

Spike noticed that her eyes were swollen and red.

“What’s wrong, pet?” He asked.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Buffy replied as she approached him.

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

Spike sighed.

“I just wanted to apologize. You know, for the other day...”

“Fine, now go.”

Buffy’s voice was quivering.

Spike tilted his head, trying to decipher her emotions.

“Buffy, what is it? Did something happen?”

“Nothing that concerns soulless vampires.”

“Hey, I just came here to apologize. Not to have you lay into me about...”

“I am in no mood for you right now, Spike,” she interrupted. “Please, just go. Leave me alone.”

She could feel the tears approaching again. She looked down at her feet.

“Buffy, who’s here?” Dawn called down from the top of the stairs.

Buffy paused for a moment and looked up at Spike.

“Nobody,” she said.

With that she shut the door.

The Bronze was packed. Spike wasn’t in any mood to dance. He was only there to get drunk. Maybe that would heal his pain. He walked up to the bar and ordered a drink. As he chugged it down he noticed a familiar face out of the corner of his eye. He smiled to himself and stood up from his barstool.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Spike said.

Xander looked up from his shot glass and sighed.

“Spike,” he said, shaking his head. “Could this day get any worse?”

Spike sat on the stool next to him and motioned the bartender for another drink.

“Tell me about it.”

Xander looked at the vamp sitting beside him.

“Have you heard?” Xander asked.

“Heard about what? Oh, you mean how they were thinking about bringing back the flowering onion? All I can say is it’s about bloody time.”

Xander stared at him.

“Have you no heart? Wait, now that’s a stupid question. Of course you don’t - ”

“I damn well do!” Spike interrupted.

“Anyway, back to the point. I wasn’t referring to the budding onion - “

“Flowering onion.”

“ - I was referring to Buffy’s mom.”

Spike took a swig of his drink.

“What about her?” He asked.

“Well, Buffy found her this morning...on the couch. She’s...”

Spike glanced at him.

“She’s what?”

Xander paused and looked down at his glass.

“She’s dead...she died.”

Spike stood up.

“What - What do you mean...she’s...what?”

“Dude, is that chip in your brain a tad bit too big that mere words can’t even pass through?”

Spike frowned.

“How?” He asked. “Glory?”

“No, doctors said it was an aneurysm.”

“How do they figure? I mean, how do they know for sure?”

Xander had a bewildered expression on his face.

“Why do you even care?”

“Why do I care? Well, I care because...I love Buffy. And...”

“Stalk Buffy would be a more appropriate choice of words.”

“Don’t mock this! ‘Cause once I get this sodding chip out of my bloody skull...”

“Ooh, I’m scared,” Xander said, grinning.

Spike had no patience for this right now. He gave Xander a cold glare and without another word, stormed out the door and into the night.

Buffy stood in the middle of the cemetery as her thoughts drowned out the words of the pastor. Her arms were crossed over her chest and her eyes were swollen. The sun was shining down on her, as she felt a cold chill run down her spine. She wrapped her arms tighter around her, in order keep the cold out, but then realized the chill came from within. Her heart was numb and angry and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Amen,” Buffy heard everyone say.

She mouthed the word to herself and looked around. Xander and Anya had their arms wrapped around each other, Willow was hand and hand with Tara, and Dawn stood next to a teary-eyed Giles. Buffy realized she was alone and felt isolated from her friends and sister. Buffy watched as they lowered her mother’s casket into the earth below and tears came suddenly, to fill her eyes. This didn’t seem possible. Her mom wasn’t dead. It was just a bad dream. Buffy closed her eyes and re-opened them, only to find herself even more depressed than she was before. She couldn’t take it anymore, and as the pastor said the last words, Buffy ran as fast as she could to her house, tears now drenching her face. She looked behind her, but no one was following.

It was just after ten and everyone had gone home. Dawn fell asleep in Buffy’s bed, after they cried together over the greatest loss of their lives. Willow stayed a little longer to make sure they were doing OK. Buffy was far from OK, but she didn’t want her friends to be any more concerned than they needed to be. She took a one last glance at her sister before she headed down the stairs. Buffy had decided to go patrolling. There was a lot of pent up anger in her that needed to be released, and what was a better way than slaying? She grabbed her black leather jacket and opened the door. She was a little reluctant to let Dawn stay home alone, but she would only be gone for a little while.

Buffy stepped out into the dark night and headed toward the graveyard. She stopped abruptly when she saw a figure lurking by one of the graves. She crept up behind a tree and tried to get a better look.

As a cloud passed over the moon, a shimmer of light shone down on the cemetery and Buffy strained her eyes to see who was there. She immediately spotted the peroxide blonde hair that could only belong to Spike. Buffy rolled her eyes and began to remove herself from behind the tree. She stopped again when she noticed him talking to something.

Spike crouched down beside Joyce’s grave and placed a flower by the marble stone. He didn’t know why he felt the need to do this...since the only reason for him being good was to impress Buffy. Or was it?

“It’s been fun, Joyce,” he whispered to the air.

Spike smiled to himself as he realized how stupid he sounded. Was this really the same guy who killed countless numbers of people? Who tortured his victims with railroad spikes and drank from the blood of the innocent? He shook his head in shame and began to walk away. That’s when he saw her. He blinked, to make sure she wasn’t a hallucination, and when he was convinced she wasn’t, he felt suddenly embarrassed.

*Great,* he thought to himself. *I’m sure she’s never gonna let me live this one down.*

Buffy slowly approached Spike.

“Buffy,” he said.

“Spike,” she replied.

He cleared his throat, preparing himself for an explanation.

“I was just - “

“I know,” she interrupted.

He looked at her and they were both silent for a moment.

“Are you doing all right, love?”

She nodded.

Spike saw the tears start to well up in her eyes and hesitantly placed a hand on her shoulder.

She brushed it off and put her head down, not wanting him to see her cry. He placed a finger under her chin and lifted her head. She finally looked up at him.

“I’m so sorry, Buffy.”

A single tear rolled down her cheek and Spike instinctively pulled her to him. He wrapped his arms around her, waiting for her to push him away. But she didn’t.

Buffy frowned to herself. What was she doing in Spike’s arms? The thought seemed rather disturbing, but it felt right. She needed to be comforted. She reluctantly returned the embrace and placed her head on his shoulder. Tears formed in her eyes and she let them fall down her cheek onto his black shirt.

Spike had never thought he was capable of loving, until Buffy. But, he never dreamed he was capable of grieving...until now. Buffy brought out the human in him. The William in him. He closed his eyes, taking in the moment, for he feared there wouldn’t be many more like it.

Change of Heart: Part II
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