All characters belong to Joss Whedon, The WB Network, and 20th Century Fox. I am just a fan.

Buffy awoke with a start. It had all been a dream. She sighed, and pulled the cover up under her chin.

From outside, a cigarette burned slowly in the fingertips of a pale, muscular figure, his eyes transfixed on the slayer.

He watched her, then threw the butt down and hopped out of the tree, his blond hair shining in the moonlight. He slowly began to walk across the street, his eyes focused on something ahead of him.

“You have come.” Said the Almighty Ruler. “Where are the rest of you robots?!” the alien demanded, raising it’s eyebrow.

“They’re off shagging with the Buffybots!” The machine replied enthusiastically.

“SILENCE!!” came a loud, booming voice. “Gather up the other Spikebots.” He told the Spikebot. “We will take over the world as soon as possible. But first we must round up all the evil elephants, aliens, Spikebots, and snails!!”

Everyone bowed down to him “Yes, our lord. Yes, Russel the Brussel Sprout! We shall rule the world!!!”

And everyone cheered.

* * * * *

Buffy heard some odd cheering from outside her window, and decided to have a look. She gasped at what she saw. There were aliens, snails, elephants, spikebots, copy machines, and other odd things. And… it seemed as if there was peanut butter smeared on the road where the group stood. And they all appeared to be bowing down to… Russell Crowe, who was covered in brussel sprouts.

The slayer gulped, and took a deep breath. This was going to be a tough fight, up against those evil things. She was going to need firepower.

So, she grabbed the most powerful thing she could think of to fight off these monsters.

Cheese.

Ah, the power of cheese.

Two slices should be enough, she thought, grabbing some craft cheese slices, and heading towards the door.

She reached the peanut covered ground where RtBS stood pretty quickly, and stood there, cheese slices in her hands, a bold look on her face.

“The SLAYER!!” shouted RtBS, angry.

“Dude, you got some sprouts or something…” Buffy began, and began slapping him with the cheese slices as she spoke. “all over your face, you really should think of washing it or somethi—”

“SILENCE!!!” shouted the gladiator, shoving Buffy away as his hand unconsciously flew up to his face, trying to brush away some of the sprouts in his eyes.

“You really like saying ‘SILENCE!’ don’t you?” asked one of the evil elephants.

“SILENCE!!” he yelled again.

Buffy rolled her eyes, and was about to say something when… there was this annoying… perky… voice!

“Don’t you tell me to shut up, you, big, sprout thing!!” she said, flipping her hair.

“HARMONY?!” everyone yelled, groaning.

“And another thing, what is up with all the peanut butter? That’s really fattening, you know. Goes straight towards your thighs and hips. You don’t wanna be a fat evil person, do you? I suggest working out and not eating so much cheese and peanut butter. And you know, you really should shave your legs because ewww, hair is nasty, but having sprouts grow out of your legs is just gross. And I can’t believe you’re using aliens to try and take over the world, you have to use minions, I tell you! Why doesn’t anyone listen to me…?”

And she rambled on for about another 5 minutes.

By the time the airhead vampire was done with her little “speech”, the elephants, aliens, Spikebots, and even Russel Brussel Sprout had all commited suicide.

Of course, Buffy was not affected by Harm’s constant yammering because she’s the slayer. And Spike, (who suddenly showed up at that moment) wasn’t bored to death either because he had grown immune of her constant rambling so it didn’t affect him anymore.

“That’s just rude! To drop dead while I’m talking!” Harmony spat, offended.

“Harmony, I never though I’d say this, but wow, you actually saved all our lives!! Now leave me and Spike alone so we can make out.” Buffy said.

Harmony sneered at the slayer, and looked like she was going to say more until she spotted an evil elephant down the road and ran after it, deciding it needed company.

Buffy turned towards Spike, grinning. “SPIKE! I LOVE YOU!!” she shouted, and moved in to kiss him.

But he pushed her away, and said, sticking his chest out, “No! I am sorry Buffy, but my heart belongs to another!”

Buffy’s face fell. “Who?”

“BEER!!” Spike exclaimed, and began doing the dance of beer with his life-size beer glass.

“But…” Buffy said helplessly, her mouth dropping. “I thought you loved me!!”

“I love BEER!” he said eagerly. Too eagerly. Too enthusiastic.

And then, Buffy realized…

“YOU’RE NOT SPIKE!!!!! YOU’RE A ROBOT!!” and with that she promptly melted him to scrap using a hot curling iron.

“Good job, love.” Came a voice from behind.

“Oh! SPIKE!” Buffy said, and ran over to him, and immediately began making out with him.

But then… all of a sudden, a droning, whiny, boring voice broke the two apart, by saying:

“But Buffy! I love you!!”

Buffy whirled around, and stared at Riley.

“Uh oh! Spike! You better punch him out before he bores us all to death like Harmony did!!” Buffy said.

“But what about the chip?” Spike asked.

“Oh, don’t worry, it won’t activate, since Riley is really a fish-demon.” Buffy reassured him.

“I always knew there was something fishy about him…” And with that he hit him over the head with a snail. Riley dropped like a sack of potatoes.

“Oh, Spike, you’re my hero!” Buffy grinned, and kissed him.

“Let’s go shag.”

But then… all of a sudden, (yes, sudden again) there came a loud voice from behind them.

“YOU KILLED MY MINION!!”

Spike looked up to see…

LIL’KIM!!!

“My plan to take over the world and turn everyone into my slaves will not fail! I shall rule all—”

“You’re not Lil’Kim! You’re… a CHEESE DEMON!!!!” Yelled Buffy.

Dum dum dum…

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