Like a lot of other transvestites I started cross dressing from an early age. My earliest experience I can still clearly remember and in a lot of ways can still feel the emotions I had at the time. Looking back on it, it can look like some fantasy but I promise it's true.
I was 4/5 years old and had been playing with my older sister, she would have been about 7 at the time. Anyway, she had the idea that it would fun for me to dress up in her clothes. So without thinking too much about it I agreed. She then stripped me off and dressed me in some of her white knickers, short white socks and then got one of her summer dresses out. It was a yellow flowery summer dress which buttoned up at the back and was finished off with a sash which again tied at the back. She then added a button up cardigan brushed my hair and put some t-bar sandals on me. When she finished we went downstairs and she showed off her new pretty little sister to mum & dad. I can still remember them saying how pretty I looked. I also remember liking the feeling and then running back upstairs to her bedroom but being unable to take the dress off because it was buttoned up the back. Eventually my sister came back up and undressed me. From then on she would often dress me up in her clothes in her room but stopped at parading me around.
Even at that young age I enjoyed our dressing up play and was more than willing to encourage it along. As we got older she and a friend liked to put on plays so I graduated to dressing up in my mum's old dresses to play - Cinderlla/the ugly sister... At this time her friend's brother also got involved in dressing up (I still wonder whether he is a Tranny?). I also got my first experience of wearing lipstick during this time (I loved the taste and feel - and still do!). Gradually however my sister found other interests and so it was down to me if I wanted to keep this going. Well, although I didn't understand it and knew it was in some-way wrong, I knew I definitely didn't want to stop.
I was probably 9-10 by now and started to pinch my sister's clothes. I used to hide these under my bed or in a box at the bottom of my wardrobe. In many ways I wanted my mum to find these so it could come out in the open. I remember wearing her cardigan (bright yellow!!) under my school shirt when at home - it must have been so obvious but no one seemed to notice or at least let on that they had?? I would also dress up at bedtime again dress/cardi... and lie there with just a light sheet over me waiting for mum to kiss me goodnight - again nothing. I mean, what's a girl got to do to get noticed!
During all this dressing there was only one occasion where my mum found some of my sister's clothes in my room and asked me why I had them. I made some really lame excuse which sadly she didn't press me on, I think she guessed there was something going on but probably thought it was just a passing phase. The next 3-5 years involved me feigning some kind of illness to stay off school and then spending the morning trying on make up and clothes - cleaning this off at lunchtime when my mum came home and then dressing up again in the afternoon - it was great fun. There was one occasion when my mum thought she noticed some eyeshadow on my eye but again didn't press it! It was also the beginning of me venturing outside. Although we lived in a semi our garden was private enough for me to kid myself that I could dress up, sneak outside and walk round to our garage or garden shed. The feeling of walking outside in a dress or skirt was fantastic! Although in reality other houses could see into our garden amazingly I was never caught - perhaps at that age I wasn't obvious??
Other memories involve me riding out in the evening stripping of my boy clothes and walking around in my sister's - with one occasion where I had to walk past two people I hadn't noticed - exciting or what! At this age I was probably at my most convincing - I was too young to have obvious boobs and have always had a slim build and had quite long hair.
My second memory during this time was pretty weird and involved being stung on the chest by a horsefly. This swelled up quite badly and it felt like I had grown a boob. I can still remember running around the garden and feeling my chest bounce up and down - this was magic even though it was only one side!! I was about 13 by now and was desperate to share this with someone. One day when I was again off school my older sister was also at home studying. As usual I was keen to dress up so sneaked into her room while she was downstairs. I borrowed a white bra, knickers, white school socks, a light white long puff sleeved blouse, black tank top, grey pleated school skirt and finally her grey school coat. I then got fully dressed, padded out the bra, plucked up courage and went downstairs and announced my new look to her with a "taraaa!" The rest was a bit of a let down to say the least - she just looked at me, asked what the heck I was doing, and told me to get out of her clothes, I begged her not to tell mum and sheepishly went and changed. From then on she would throw the odd quiet remark asking me if I wanted to borrow her clothes. By then I had figured out my cross dressing wasn't "normal", thought I was the only one, and so was paranoid about being found out!
The second key stage in my cross dressing came when I got married (at too early an age) to my first proper girlfriend. This opened up the opportunity to try a whole new wardrobe of clothes luckily my wife was the same dress size and although the shoes were a struggle it was great fun. After a number of years I decided I had to come clean and so managed to steer the conversation around to childhood memories. Well although it was a fairly big shock (if not this - I think she suspected something) she became really supportive. Within probably a week or two she had dressed me in some of her lingerie - a black bra, matching knickers, suspender belt and fishnet stockings. I'm sure I wasn't the prettiest sight but it felt wonderful. Following this we had a shopping trip (not dressed!)to buy me my first bra and knickers and she picked out some of her older clothes for me to wear. From then on I gradually built up a bit of a wardrobe buying skirts,tops and underwear from catalogues and my wife even machine-knitting me some cardigans!! Every 3 or 4 weeks I would then dress up (with full makeup and padded out bra...)on a Saturday night and watch the telly. We would also have a go at doing each others make up or hair for a bit of fun. As time went on and I relaxed more and more I knew I was also starting to act more feminine when dressed and she would occasionally pull me up about this.
Although my dressing kept us close I eventually decided that we had grown too far apart and wanted different things in life. I had thought long and hard about this(we had two kids to consider)but the truth was that my cross dressing couldn't be the only reason for us staying together. We divorced after about 10 years of marriage and have managed to remain friendly throughout and since.
I have now been married again for nearly 14 years and have two more great kids who get on great with their other brother and sister. I have now built a sizeable wardrobe - kept in the attic of course! - including a couple of wigs,plenty of make up, false nails, jewellery... I also bought some great silicone boobs from Transformation (I know they are on the pricey side but they are one of the few places you can find when you are first spreading your wings) Anyway these boobs are GREAT - they feel and move just like the real things. The couple of occasions I've been able to shave my chest and glue these have been just heaven. I've been able to wear strappy tops and dresses and have for the world looked like they are mine(well in my world anyway). My chances to dress are pretty limited at the moment - I told my wife I was a transvestite about 2 years ago now and went through the agony of this. What didn't help was a fancy dress party a year earlier when I managed to steer the choice to me being a schoolgirl. For this she dressed me and put my make up on (she also used a lip gloss that sealed my lipstick on until the next day - what a shame!!) Anyway this was meant to be a laugh and so I didn't look my most convincing to say the least (although a few did come up to me on the night to say how pretty I looked). When I told her about my cross dressing I think she looked back at that and remembered how silly/sad... she felt I looked. The current position is that she has said I need to give up my cross dressing - not a complete ultermatum but probably a strong threat. Since then I have backed off - I don't want to lose her or my kids but also know that I am a transvestite and that will never change. I am now back at the point where I would quite like her to find out (but not catch me dressed). I know I will have to face this and will work as hard as I can to make sure we stay together. I know she loves me and I know I love her but we will have to allow room for Nicky to live.
Currently I dress on business trips (corny or what) and actually managed to get to the Hide & Sleek weekend in late 2003. This was great and I received some nice compliments from some of the girls I met. Typical of my luck though was me falling ill and having to stay in bed all through Saturday day and night. Months of anticipation - boobs glued and all I could do is lie in bed in my best silky black nightie!!! My current love is for sexy short skirts, strappy tops, my knee high boots and auburn wig. I would also love to get some more up to date wigs (here's hoping). I know Nicky will get out there it's just a question of how and when I get the courage to do what I know I need to "Watch this space and wish me luck..."
home
A few of my early photos
Just a few more photos!!
Bit of fun on a tipsy night
Some newer ones here - new shorter wig...
more messing about
showing off my new cleavage...!
May 2005
Latest photos
Latest photos cont'd
TV Fiction
friends
View My Guestbook
Please Sign My Guestbook