I am the Very Model of a Surgeon in a MASH Unit
(Based on the song 'I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General', from the Gilbert and Sullivan operatta, Pirates of Penzance).
This is performed by Hawkeye, with a chorus of sarcastic nurses.
I am the very model of a surgeon in a MASH unit,
I keep the nurses happy with my skilful hands and rapier wit,
I’m a master of seduction, although at times I must admit,
After a lengthy surgery, it’s sometimes hard to manage it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m also great at diverse matters surgical,
I practice in the holidays and all days aliturgical,
In fact it doesn’t matter when or where is the emergency,
I’ll deal with any situation quickly and with urgency.
Chorus: He’ll deal with any situation quickly and with urgency,
He’ll deal with any situation quickly and with urgency,
He’ll deal with any situation quickly and with urgency.
My off hours I like to devote to my useful distillery,
Our home-made booze helps to drown out the noise of the artillery,
I believe in moderation, so I only have a little bit,
I am the very model of a surgeon in a MASH unit!
My Korean isn’t brilliant, but my English is quite excellent,
My neatly crafted sentences can often prove allicient -
To nurses who prefer a man with at least some intelligence,
My most attractive feature is my sensational eloquence.
I’m a fairly nifty dancer, or at least my partners tell me so,
I can rumba, I can jitterbug, I’ll cross the dancefloor quick or slow,
At any party you will find me whirling with some pretty nurse,
It’s me that they all want and it’s a trial, but I must bear my curse.
Chorus: It’s him that they all want and it’s a trial, but he must bear his curse,
It’s him that they all want and it’s a trial, but he must bear his curse,
It’s him that they all want and it’s a trial, but he must bear his curse.
I guess I’m pretty fabulous at anything you could suggest,
Inevitably, people that I meet are always much impressed,
Delicious as a chocolate smothered, freshly made banana split –
I am the very model of a surgeon in a MASH unit!
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