Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I’m just borrowing them to keep myself entertained. You can sue me if you want, but the only thing I own is an 87’ Honda with a broken windshield. If you want it that bad, you can have it.

Author’s note/Summary: This is the third part of the story, The Ties That Bind. Buffy finds out what’s happened to her, but there are still a lot of unanswered questions. Plus, she has an unseen threat hanging over her head…B/S of course. I don’t write anything else.

Rating: PG-13 for now. J

The Ties That Bind

Part Three~

Giles sat in the back of the taxi cab, silently looking out the window. This last week had been like a dream. A dream that had quite possibly turned into a nightmare. His range of emotions had gone from elation to anger back to elation again. Only to be struck with confusion, despair and sadness.

Buffy was no longer dead. She was alive again. He hadn’t wanted to believe it at first when Willow had called him, but then he had spoken to Buffy personally. She sounded so well and very much alive again. He had wept for her.

Then the news came that Buffy was not right. Something had gone wrong. He had felt his heart drop and his world came crashing down again. He hadn’t even had the chance to see her yet, and the memory was already tainted.

He had taken every single one of his books off the shelves and pored over them relentlessly. He had found only one intriguing piece of information. But he doubted it applied to this situation. It certainly wasn’t enough to go on. He had felt forced to confront the Council.

They had no knowledge of Buffy’s death, as they had kept it all a secret. Giles was not about to tell them anything now. He didn’t trust them any further than he could throw them. They hadn’t even been aware that he had moved back to England. He preferred to keep it that way.

He explained that he was on a research trip and wanted to know if they had any documented cases of any sort of demon matching the characteristics that he had explained. At first, they had claimed to be clueless, but Giles knew how they played their games.

They had claimed no knowledge about Glory as well, but they were merely hiding the information until it suited them better. Giles had pressed them and finally Quentin Travers himself had pulled him into his office.

“Rupert. Do sit down.” Quentin had said to him.

“Do you have any information for me, or are you serving high tea?” Giles had asked sarcastically. He was tired of getting the runaround.

“I was thinking of something a little stronger.” Quentin had chuckled as he brought out a Brandy snifter.

“Can we cut the pleasantries. Do you know what sort of demon I’m talking about?” He had asked him pointedly.

Quentin sighed and leaned back into his chair. He had a look of apprehension on his face. He folded his hands in his lap and looked at Giles seriously.

“Why are you so eager for this information? Have you seen such a demon?” He asked curiously.

“Well, yes. It seems something fitting this description has taken up residence in Sunnydale.” Giles explained vaguely.

“I see. And your Slayer? She has seen it? Fought it perhaps?” Quentin asked raising his eyebrow.

“That’s really not the issue. We only need to find out what exactly we are dealing with. If we are going to play twenty questions, then I’m afraid I’ll need to be going.” Giles said getting agitated, and also feeling a little unnerved by Quentin’s demeanor.

“Please don’t rush off. I’ll tell you what you need to know, but you need to be honest with me, Rupert.” Quentin said seriously.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Giles protested nervously.

“Well, I don’t believe it’s possible for you to have seen this creature. The only such creature that I know of, does not exist. In fact, it’s something of mythical folklore.” He told him.

“What?” Giles asked perplexed.

“Well, the creature you describe is a vampire hybrid of sorts. Legend says that if a person is infected by a vampire, by say a non-fatal bite, that the person can pick up certain traits. There are no documented cases of any such thing ever happening though.” Quentin said shaking his head.

“Wait. If a person is bitten by a vampire, but does not die, they can become infected?” Giles said quickly.

“In theory, yes. But one bite would hardly be enough to make much of a difference. It would have to be several bites, and from a very powerful vampire. No such cases exist, because frankly, vampires don’t tend to be repeat customers, if you will. Their victims are rarely left alive. And for it to happen repeatedly? Well, it isn’t likely.” Quentin said disbelieving.

Giles absorbed his words and remembered clearly that Buffy had been bitten more than once, and had managed to survive. The Master, Angel, and Dracula had all drank from her. Three of the most powerful vampires known.

“You say it isn’t likely, but you’re not saying it isn’t possible.” Giles clarified.

“Well, no. I suppose it could be possible. But I’ve never heard of such a thing. The qualities that would be picked up by transference would be so slight, that no one would notice. As long as the person, or host, is living, the vampire infection is not strong enough to surface. It’s like a virus. The body will fight it off.” Quentin explained.

Giles felt his heart skip a beat. As long as the host is living… The words echoed in his mind.

“What would happen if the host were to die? What happens to the virus then?” Giles asked curiously.

“Well, It would live on. Vampires by nature are dead creatures, Rupert. You know that. Death does not stop them from living. It’s the same with the virus. But without a body to survive in, the virus has nowhere to go. It wouldn’t pose a threat. The only way it could surface again would be if the body were to be reanimated somehow. And well, then you’re treading on completely different territory.” Quentin told him taking a sip of his Brandy.

“Would the traits then become more apparent? Hypothetically speaking, of course.” Giles asked trying to casual.

“Well, hypothetically speaking, yes. The virus would have had time to grow without an immune system to break it down. But, again, we are talking impossibilities here. Corpses are not reanimated on a regular basis.” Quentin laughed at the absurdity.

Giles felt like the room was spinning and suddenly he needed air. He loosened his collar a bit and looked at Quentin.

“Y-you have been very informative. Do you by any chance have any texts regarding this, uh, myth?” Giles asked him.

Quentin reached into one of his desk drawers and pulled out a large book. He opened it and pulled out some papers.

“I thought you may be interested, so I took the liberty of having some copies made for you. This is all the information we have.” Quentin told him, as he handed the copies to him.

Giles took them and stuffed them into his briefcase. He stood up and looked at Quentin.

“Thank you for your time.” He said as he headed for the door.

Quentin stared after him with a serious look.

“Rupert?” Giles turned around to face him again. “Good luck with your research. And if you find this creature, do let us know. I’d be fascinated.” He said calmly.

Giles couldn’t shake the strange feeling he was receiving from the other Watcher. He was entirely too calm. It wasn’t right. There was also no way he’d ever let them anywhere near Buffy now. He only imagined how fascinated they’d really be.

He forced a smile to his face.

“Yes, well, I’ll keep you informed. Thank you.” He said as he hurried out the door.

Quentin stared at the door for a long time with a look of deep thought. He calmly reached for the telephone and dialed a number. He waited.

“Yes. It’s me.” He said into the receiver. “I know. He just left. He says he’s seen it. Yes, that’s right. I realize that. Of course, I’ll be keeping a close eye on this. Just tell them that it’s happened.” He said calmly to the other party, as he gently replaced the receiver.

He poured himself another Brandy and walked to the window. He watched as Giles hurried into a cab. Quentin furrowed his brow and shook his head. He had hoped things wouldn’t have come to this, but now it was time to take care of business.

________________________________________________________________

When Giles had walked into Buffy’s house he had been overcome with emotion again. She had been there, waiting not so patiently for him to arrive. His plane had been delayed and it was now early evening, instead of the afternoon arrival he had planned.

They had embraced tearfully and each had taken a moment to reacquaint themselves with each other. Buffy had been nervously awaiting any news that he might have brought with him.

Giles couldn’t help but think that she seemed the same to him. It was amazing. He found it almost impossible to believe that she had been dead. And even more so that some sort of demon virus had infected her. It was heart wrenching.

Everyone was gathered together in Buffy’s living room. She had thought it would be easier for everyone to hear the news all at once, whatever that news may have been. Buffy was nervous. She saw the looks that Xander and Anya had given her when they walked in.

It was a mixture of pity, guilt, and little fear. Buffy hated knowing that they were looking at her like she was some sort of science experiment gone wrong. She felt even more uncomfortable in her skin that she had felt in the last week.

Willow and Tara were playing host to everyone, making sure they had drinks and snacks. They were trying to treat this like some sort of welcome home party. Buffy could tell that Willow was in some sort of denial. She was acting way too cheerful. She was clearly trying to overcompensate for her guilty conscience.

Dawn was sitting on the couch next to Buffy and Spike, who had shown up once the sun went down. He had wanted to find out first hand what Giles had learned. He thought he’d be too late, but he had arrived before Giles had. He was silently glad that his plane had been delayed. Spike wanted to be here in case Buffy needed him.

He knew it was a little presumptuous of him to think that Buffy would turn to him if she was troubled. But in the last week, it seemed pretty clear to him that that was exactly what she’d been doing. He hoped that whatever Giles had to say wasn’t going to be too devastating for her to hear.

Once everyone settled in, Giles stood in front of the group with some papers clenched in his hand. The scene was almost humorous. It was almost as if everyone were gathered around a campfire eagerly awaiting the camp counselor to tell a ghost story. Only this wasn’t a ghost story, it was real. And the thing that went bump in the night wasn’t a monster, it was Buffy.

“So Giles. Come on. Spill it. What did you find out?” Buffy finally asked, unwilling to wait any longer.

Giles cleared his throat loudly and shifted his feet nervously.

“Well, uh, I did find a possible explanation for your, uh, new condition.” He said awkwardly. He was unsure of he should phrase this.

“Yeah, we know that part. Skip ahead to the part where you actually tell me what I am.” Buffy said overly anxious.

Giles shot her a desperate look, but forgave her restlessness. He knew she was being torn up inside.

“Well, alright. It seems, in a nutshell, that you are what they call a Creature of the Light.” Giles said throwing out the term he had read about in the text Quentin had given him.

“A what? Oh god…I’m a creature?” Buffy said distastefully. So far she was not liking the sound of this.

“What exactly is this ‘Creature of the Light’ thing?” Spike spoke up, unfamiliar with the term.

“Well, I was getting to that part, Spike.” Giles said, silently wondering why he was here at all. “This, uh, term, is used to describe someone who has the characteristics of a vampire but they are not truly a vampire.”

“Oh god…Giles, am I a demon? Am I evil?” Buffy interrupted him feeling panicked.

“Well technically, it falls under the term ‘demonic’ but that doesn’t necessarily mean ‘evil’. Their power comes from darkness, but they are not dark. They are of the light. They are able to live as human because they are in fact half human. They are impervious to sunlight, have no need to drink blood, because they are not dead, as vampires are. A living, breathing, vampire, if you will.” Giles explained uncomfortably.

It was the simplest explanation he could think of. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lot of information to go on about the exact nature of this creature. This ‘creature’ that was now Buffy. It was all a little too difficult to comprehend.

“So I am a vampire?” Buffy whispered softly.

“No. Not really. You are what they call a hybrid. Half vampire, half human. It’s very hard to comprehend, I know. Buffy, the information that I have is sketchy, at best. Supposedly, there is no such creature. It’s not supposed to exist. It’s a myth. But clearly, you have proven that to be wrong.” He said scratching his head.

“Great. So not only am I part demon, I’m not even supposed to exist. That’s perfect.” She said bitterly.

“But you do exist.” Giles offered weakly. He wished there was something more he could say.

“So, okay. What else do you know? I mean, you say I’m like a living, breathing vampire. Does that mean I’ll live forever too? What exactly is included in this package deal?” She asked, trying to be more rational.

Giles said he didn’t have much information, but she definitely wanted to know every detail that he did have.

“Supposedly, they are not immortal. Not in the strictest sense, anyway.” Giles explained.

“Okay, vague it up a little more. What do you mean ‘not in the strictest sense’?” Buffy asked exasperated.

“Buffy, I told you, very little is written about this. I’m doing the best I can.” Giles said harshly, lashing out at her.

He wasn’t really angry with her, but at the whole situation. The desperation that he couldn’t be of more help was killing him. He saw her hurt expression and felt horrible for being harsh.

“I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He said softly.

“It’s fine. Look, what do you know?” She asked more calmly.

“From what I’ve read, although they are not immortal, they do tend to live quite a bit longer than a human being. And as so, are more difficult to kill. But it doesn’t say how they can be killed. Such beings are not subject to human disease, but they do age. Albeit, at a much slower pace than normal.” Giles tried to explain.

“How much slower?” Buffy asked quietly.

“Well remember, the information I have is all based on speculation. But the average life span of a Creature of the Light, barring any unforeseen complications, is said to be approximately 120 years.” Giles said looking at Buffy sympathetically.

“120 years? I’m gonna be around for 120 years?” Buffy asked feeling tears fall down her face.

“Possibly. But you’ll not look that old, if that’s any consolation.” Giles added, grasping at something to make her feel better. He had very little to work with. “The oldest you’d possibly look would be around sixty years old. The aging process is half that of a human.”

Buffy sat there numbly, trying to process this new information. She still had so many questions. He had only begun to tell her what was going on, and she already felt sick to her stomach.

Dawn reached over and took Buffy’s hand and squeezed it lightly. Buffy looked at her and forced a weak smile. Then she looked back at Giles as she tried to compose herself.

“So, okay. I’m part vampire. Nice. And I get this incredibly long life. Yay, me. But how did this happen? How is it that I’ve just suddenly turned into this creature thing?” Buffy asked shaking her head.

“Was it me? Was it the magic?” Willow asked barely above a whisper.

“Not exactly. But yes, the resurrection played a large part.” Giles said looking at Willow seriously.

He still felt residual anger towards her for doing the spell in the first place. It was terribly misguided and although he was thrilled to have Buffy back, clearly there were grave consequences.

Willow felt her heart drop and she could feel all eyes focusing on her. Oh god… it is my fault. I did this. She cried inwardly.

“What did I do wrong?” Willow asked wiping a tear out of her eye.

“Nothing. Well, aside from doing the spell in the first place.” Giles said with a touch of bitterness.

Willow shrank back into her chair and Giles’ face softened. He felt bad for his comments. Willow was clearly shaken up and he didn’t need to throw accusations at her.

“But that’s besides the point. The spell itself was successful, but in the process you unleashed something else. A virus that had lain dormant for years. Buffy was vampirically infected by the Master. When the body dies, or rather the human side to this equation, the virus is able to grow stronger.” Giles began to explain.

“Wait. I was infected by the Master?” Buffy interjected.

Her wheels were spinning.

“Yes.” Giles replied.

Buffy stood lost in thought for a few minutes. All sorts of images were running through her head. Flashes of Giles reading her the prophecy. The Master shall rise and the Slayer will die…

Then flash forward to her dream about the First Slayer. Riley and Adam staring at her. We’re not demons…She had told Adam. Is that a fact? He had replied.

Flash to her confronting the First Slayer. You are not the source of me…Tara and Dracula’s words to her, You think you know what you are? What’s to come? You haven’t even begun…

Then Dracula leering at her, You’re different. Kindred... Your power so near to our own…Suddenly everything started to make sense. A scary kind of sense.

“It all makes sense now.” Buffy said shaking her head. “Well not actually sense, but I understand.”

She looked over at Spike and he eyed her curiously.

“Is this about the dream you had?” He asked her.

She nodded her head. Everyone questioned her with their eyes.

“I think so. I had this dream about the Master. He said he killed me. And he was right. The night that he bit me and I drowned, I did die. Xander brought me back, but the Slayer was already dead. I felt different that night. I knew it, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. The Slayer did die that night. I didn’t thwart the prophecy at all.” She said feeling her heart race.

It was like a fog was being lifted from her eyes. None of it was particularly comforting, but pieces were falling into place.

“What are you saying, Buffy?” Giles asked curiously.

“You of all people should have figured this out, Giles. There can only be one Slayer. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Slayer handbook, of which I never got a copy.” She said rolling her eyes. Then she continued. “I wasn’t the Slayer. Not really. All along, it wasn’t me. It was Kendra and then Faith. Didn’t you wonder why there was no other Slayer called when I died this time? It’s because I was already dead.” She explained.

Everyone looked at her confused and concerned. It was major information overload time. Giles took a moment to comprehend what she was saying. He took off his glasses and wiped them nervously. Then he looked at her thoughtfully.

“So you’re saying that the power you possessed, the power we attributed to your Slayer calling, was in fact the effect of the virus?” Giles clarified.

“Giles, it had to be. And plus, I did die the night the Master drank from me. It was only for a few minutes, but my body was dead. It makes sense that the virus had time to grow. Not a lot of time, but apparently enough to make a difference.” Buffy said pointedly.

“This is fascinating, really.” Giles pondered.

He had never considered such a thing at all. But she was right, he should have known that something was off when Kendra had shown up. All his life, he’d been told that there could only be one Slayer. Once a Slayer dies, their powers are supposed to be transferred into the next would be Slayer. Buffy never lost her power, but Kendra had received the power somehow. It did make sense now. He cursed himself for never realizing it before.

“So, uh, Buffy’s not the Slayer? And she hasn’t been all this time?” Spike asked with a look of confusion.

“No. I’m not.” She said looking at him sadly.

“Well, then I guess I can’t call you that anymore, huh?” He said with a small smile. He was just trying to ease the tension a little.

She smiled slightly and rolled her eyes.

“I’m sure you’ll think of something else to call me.” She said to him.

They looked at each other for a moment. He silently tried to convey his support to her. He knew she was having a hard time. He wanted her to know that he was with her, no matter what. And she knew just by looking at him, that his heart was hurting for her.

Their meaningful glance lasted long enough for everyone in the room to take notice. They all sort of shifted uncomfortably, wondering what else was new in Buffy’s life. But no one wanted to ask that dreaded question.

“Okay, I for one, am still a little confused.” Xander said speaking up for the first time.

He had seen the way Buffy was looking at Spike and he cringed. He had to break the silence.

“What about?” Giles asked.

“Well, this whole thing for starters. But more specifically, if Buffy’s been like this ever since the Master bit her, then why is she suddenly not completely human anymore? She was still human before, right?” Xander asked confused.

“Yes, that’s true, she was. The virus was not strong enough to take over her body completely. She was only technically dead for a few minutes. Time enough to give her power, but not time enough to fully take over apparently. This last time, Buffy was dead for several months. In that time, the virus gained strength. Which means that more of the vampiric qualities would be brought forth.” Giles explained.

“Whoa. That’s…I mean, wow.” Xander said, unsure of what to think.

“Giles, if I hadn’t of died again, what would have happened? I mean, would the virus have eventually died out? Would I have been normal?” Buffy asked curiously.

“Over time, it was quite possible that your power would have diminished without re-infection.” Giles began.

“Re-infection?” Buffy asked making a face. It all sounded so clinical and gross.

“Yes. The Master was extremely powerful. Hence the name, Master. But the powers he gave you might have worn off eventually without a booster, so to speak.” Giles said scratching his head.

“But, the Master was dead. He didn’t come back to give her a ‘booster’.” Xander said shaking his head.

Buffy looked at Xander, the light going on in her head.

“No. It wasn’t him. He’s not the only one who infected me. Angel. He drank from me.” Buffy said quietly.

Spike visibly cringed at the mention of his name. The thought of him having the privilege of drinking from her made him sick.

“And Dracula. He did too.” Buffy added. Plus I drank from him…I wonder what that means?

“Three of the most powerful vampires in the world got a taste of you. Lucky you.” Spike mumbled under his breath.

He couldn’t help but feel jealous at the thought of the other vampires touching her and tasting her. It was such an intimate act, one he’d never get to share with her. She’d never allow it. For a vampire, it wasn’t just about biting to kill. It was about experiencing the very existence of the person. It joined two people in a way that was so incredibly intense, there was no way to describe it unless you experienced it.

She was part of them. All three of those vampires were living inside of her now. He hated even thinking about it. He wanted to be inside of her, in more ways than one.

Buffy turned and glared at him.

“Yeah, I’m the luckiest girl in the world. No make that, luckiest creature in the world. You think I’m happy about this? You think they gave me some kind of gift?” She asked him angrily.

“Well, it is a gift. When the Master killed you, he gave you that gift.” He said seriously.

“No. It isn’t a gift. It’s…It’s not.” She protested weakly.

Her mind was so jumbled she couldn’t even think of a good comeback. Death is your gift… Those words floated around in her mind. She thought she knew what that meant, but now she wasn’t so sure.

“Buffy, if they hadn’t of given it to you, you would have been powerless. All of the people you’ve saved? All of the good things you’ve done since the Master killed you? None of that would’ve have happened. You would have been just a regular girl.” He explained.

“And that’s a bad thing? That’s all I ever wanted to be. Now I’ve got this ‘gift’ which feels more like a curse. How can you even think I’d be happy about this?” She fumed to him.

All eyes were watching their heated debate. No one dared to interject on what appeared to be a private conversation.

“You are in such denial, Buffy. You don’t want to be a regular girl. You wouldn’t even know what to do with yourself. All along, you’ve been fighting the nasties not because you had this inner Slayer need. You did it because you wanted to. You did it because you couldn’t not do it. It’s part of you.” He explained to her heatedly.

“I only fought the nasties because it was my job.” She protested.

“Really? That’s the only reason? Well, good then. I guess since it’s no longer your job, you can just sit back and relax, right? No need to go out and save the world anymore. We’ll all just sit here and have a real nice party. It’s someone else’s problem now, right?” He said pointedly.

“Right. It isn’t my problem.” She said defiantly.

“Good. Well then let’s party.” He said standing up to face her.

She glared at him. For the first time in a long while she hated him. She hated that he dared confront her like this. Who did he think he was anyway? He didn’t know her, or what she wanted. At least that’s what she tried to tell herself.

“You are such an ass. I should have killed you a long time ago.” She muttered.

“Yeah? Well, why don’t you do it now? Oh wait, that’s not your job anymore.” He said sarcastically.

Xander stood to his feet growing agitated at their little display.

“It’s not my job either, but hey, not a problem Spike.” Xander said glaring at him.

“Well, come on. Kill me then. I don’t care. I’m just speaking the truth.” Spike defended himself.

Xander launched himself at Spike, tackling him to the ground. Xander punched him and Spike tried to block the blows, helpless against the attack.

Willow stood to her feet now and attempted to gain some control. All of the fighting was getting to her.

“Enough! Stop it now!” She shouted. Xander and Spike looked up at her, the fight momentarily stopped. “There will be no more fighting, do you understand me?” She said calmly with her resolve face.

Xander reluctantly released his grip on Spike who seemed un-phased by the attack. He had a small smirk on his face as he rose to his feet.

“That’s better.” Willow said calmly. “We are not here to fight. There will be no killing of any kind. We are here for Buffy. She needs us now. And this is not helping.”

Buffy looked at her friend and was thankful that she had stepped up and controlled the situation. The anger and betrayal she had felt towards her before had eased considerably. She knew now that this wasn’t really Willow’s fault. She had no idea that any of this would happen. No one did.

Buffy looked at everyone else who sat silently, obeying Willow’s firm command for silence. She took in the scene and felt her heart swell with love for these people. They were all so concerned for her. Even Spike, who sometimes had a funny way of showing it. She silently knew there was some truth in what he had said.

It really didn’t matter if she wasn’t technically ‘The Slayer’. It had never really mattered. No one in this room had a higher calling to save the world. That never stopped them from fighting the fight. None of them could ever stop. It wasn’t just in her, it was in all of them.

When Buffy had been gone, the gang had pressed on. They didn’t just shrug and say ‘Cool, the Slayer’s dead. Guess we don’t have to bother with this saving the world crap’. They had continued the fight. They couldn’t stop, and neither could she. She could never stop and now she realized that she didn’t want to.

Spike was completely right, much to her utter dismay. She could never be a regular girl. She wouldn’t be able to stand it. If someone told her they could magically make her human again, and that she’d be able to have a normal life with no super powers, no higher calling, just normalcy, she’d never do it. She knew that now.

She stood to her feet and looked at everyone.

“Spike is right.” She said softly, unable to look at him. She hated admitting this out loud, but they all had to know what she was feeling.

Spike looked at her surprised but pleased. He knew she’d see things more clearly if he just gave her a little push.

“I’m sorry, Buff. My ears must be failing me. Did you say Spike is right?” Xander asked her curiously.

“Scary as it may be, yes. He’s right. I can’t not do this. This is what I do. It doesn’t really matter that I’m not the Slayer. Apparently, I haven’t been for quite some time. It really doesn’t change anything. The only thing that’s changed is where my power comes from. It isn’t coming from the Slayer, it comes from the very thing I’m fighting. And it seems a little unnerving, when I think about it, but it really only puts me at more of an advantage.” She explained.

Giles looked at her curiously. For the first time this evening, she looked calm, almost serene.

“What do you mean exactly?” He asked her.

“Well, for one, I understand vampires. Being so closely connected to them, I know what makes them tick. Which means, I know how to fight them better. You know the phrase, ‘Know thy enemy’? Well, I know them pretty well. They’re part of me.” She explained.

Everyone looked at her, absorbing her words. No one really knew what to make of this development, but Buffy seemed to be settling into some sort of acceptance.

Buffy continued to speak.

“They’re part of me, but not all of me. I’m not evil. I know I’m not. They may have given me the power, but I choose what I do with it. And I choose to keep fighting. I may not be completely human anymore, but hey, being human is vastly overrated from what I hear.” She said with a small smile, repeating the words Spike had said to her and Dawn earlier.

Spike smiled at her. It was good to know that she really did listen to him once in awhile. He knew he had made her mad earlier, but it was necessary. Sometimes she just didn’t see things unless you forced her to confront them. She was stubborn that way. He found it endearing.

“Buff, are you sure you’re okay? I mean, all of this is pretty intense.” Xander asked her worried about her suddenly calm demeanor.

“Yeah. I’m okay. I mean, it’s not like I’m giddy with excitement over finding out I’m a demon. That’s gonna take a little time.” She said shaking her head.

“Being a demon doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” Spike chimed in.

Everyone looked at him strangely.

“What? Not all demons are bad. Some of them are quite charming, like myself for example.” He said with a smirk.

Sounds of groaning and eye rolling swept across the room. Buffy looked at him and smiled slightly.

“Don’t push it. You’re not that charming.” She said with a smirk.

Then she turned to the group again.

“I’m just going to have to deal with this. All of this. But, I’m still me. I just a have a little bit of demony goodness in me, that’s all. I know that I’m not gonna wig out and start eating people. I’m not dangerous. Well, unless you’re a bad guy. Then you’d better watch out, because I’m back.” She said filled with false bravado.

She was trying so very hard to find peace with this new revelation. She felt slightly better now that she at least knew what she was. There were still so many unanswered questions. So many things she didn’t know or understand about herself. She tried to put on a brave face for everyone.

She didn’t want to let on how scared she actually was. She didn’t really know anything about herself anymore. But she didn’t want everyone to tiptoe around her, or be fearful of her. She needed to be strong. That’s had always been her job. She was the strong one.

Later that night, everyone’s mood had lightened. They had turned the evening into a friendly gathering. Everyone was trying their hardest to pretend that things were the same as before. Buffy had insisted on it.

She had told everyone to forget about the serious stuff for awhile and just have fun. They had a lot of catching up to do, and she was eager to hear more about everything that had happened in her absence. Since she’d been back, they hadn’t all been together like this.

Things had been so crazy before. Now that they were all gathered, it was time to reconnect again. Buffy looked at everyone.

“So. Tell me. What happened while I was gone?” She asked with a smile. “Good stuff only.” She added.

She was desperately trying to keep the mood light. She didn’t want bad news. She knew something good must have happened. All of their lives had gone on without her. It couldn’t all be bad.

“Well, okay. I’ll start.” Xander said, deciding to be the first to speak.

“Xander and I are engaged!” Anya interrupted excitedly.

He sighed and gave her a look.

“An, I wanted to tell her.” He said irritated.

“Sorry.” Anya said sheepishly.

Buffy looked really surprised and then she smiled.

“Wow. That’s great! I’m so happy for you two.” She said, getting up to hug Xander tightly.

“Look at my ring. Isn’t it beautiful?” Anya said thrusting her hand in Buffy’s face.

Buffy took her hand and looked at the ring.

“It’s lovely.” She smiled. Then she looked back over at Xander. “Wow. Look at you. Mr. Engaged. I never thought I’d see the day.” She said shaking her head.

“Kinda scary, huh?” Xander laughed. “Guess this means it’s time to grow up a little.”

Buffy laughed and shook her head.

“Nah. You wouldn’t be Xander if you started acting like an adult.” She teased him.

He smiled at her and hugged her again. He was still reeling from everything that had happened tonight. Buffy was a demon. A half demon, but still. It was all so unreal and completely scary. But she seemed the same. She felt the same, smelled the same, and talked the same. It was unbelievable that she could vamp out at any moment.

No one knew for sure what she could do. Not even her. But she seemed so confident that, Xander couldn’t help but trust her. It was strange. In the past, he had always automatically in his mind thought, demon equals bad. Demon equals evil. Demon equals kill. But now, so much had changed.

For one, he was about to marry an ex-demon. That was still a little hard to comprehend. But Anya was human now. He tried to convince himself that that made it alright. He never allowed himself to think about what Anya had done in her past. If he did, he might not be able to love her as much as he did.

And another thing that made him question his views was Spike. Spike was part of their group now. It didn’t get much more bizarre than that. He was still a soulless demon, and he fought along side them. He helped them. Even when Buffy was gone. It didn’t make sense, but Xander had reluctantly accepted him. Not with open arms, of course, but the acceptance was there.

And now Buffy was a half demon. How could he ever think about hating her or killing her? There was no way. Suddenly, everything he thought he knew about demons and the fighting he was doing against them, seemed so muddled. There were no clear lines drawn anymore. It was all a little too much to handle, but he promised Buffy they wouldn’t talk about it anymore tonight. He pushed the thoughts aside and decided to enjoy the evening.

It started to get late, and Xander and Anya headed out. True to their word, no one mentioned anything unhappy tonight. They had had fun reminiscing about old times. Buffy had walked them to the door and said goodnight.

Giles was the next to leave. He was incredibly jet lagged and his body was shutting down. Buffy offered him the guest room, but he had declined saying he had already gotten a motel room.

Buffy still had a hard time grasping the concept of Giles not living here anymore. She hadn’t asked him yet, but she silently hoped he was considering moving back here now that she was alive again. Technically, she wasn’t a Slayer anymore, but she could have still used a Watcher.

Once he was gone, all that remained were Willow and Tara. Spike and Dawn had gone out on the back porch to talk. Buffy turned to her friends.

“Where’s Dawn?” She asked them.

“Out back, with Spike.” Willow said softly.

She was still feeling incredibly guilty. Although no one would say it, she knew that everyone blamed her for this mess. She’d taken it upon herself to play God with Buffy’s life, and now she wasn’t human. It may not have been her doing that Buffy had become infected with this virus, but if she had just left well enough alone, none of this would have happened.

Buffy nodded her head and stepped outside where they were sitting. They both looked up at her and smiled.

“So what are you guys talking about?” She asked curiously.

She had seen the way they both clammed up when she showed her face. No doubt they were talking about her.

“Nothing.” Dawn said with an innocent grin.

“Right.” She said rolling her eyes.

Dawn looked at Spike and then back at Buffy. She stood to her feet.

“I’m tired. I’m gonna go to bed. See you guys later.” She said quickly, hurrying back into the house.

She wanted to leave them alone so they could talk. Spike had told her that Buffy seemed to be warming up to him a bit. He told her about how she allowed him to comfort her. Dawn took that as a good sign. She knew it was silly, but she was dying to play matchmaker for these two.

They were the two people she loved most in this world, and they belonged together. At least, that was what Dawn believed. Now that Buffy wasn’t exactly human, it made even more sense. Nothing was stopping them now from being together. Except for Buffy’s stubbornness. Dawn hoped with a little help, she’d get over that.

Buffy sat down next to Spike and sighed.

“You really alright?” He asked curiously.

He knew she was putting on a brave face, but he doubted very much that she was really as calm as all that.

She took a deep breath and turned to him.

“No. I’m pretty far from alright. I’m completely terrified.” She said sadly.

He looked at her and felt his heart breaking again. He wished she didn’t have that effect on him. Every time she was hurting, he was hurting. It was like some strange, psychic connection.

“I figured you weren’t really okay about all this. Why the act?” He asked her sincerely.

“Well, because, I’m still Buffy. Buffy is always the strong one. Buffy isn’t supposed to freak out and panic.” She said cynically.

“That’s bull. You’re allowed to be scared. These people love you.” He told her.

“They don’t even know me. Not anymore. I don’t know myself. I’m just trying to be what they’re used to, that’s all.” She explained sadly.

“You don’t have to try and pretend for their sakes.” He said shaking his head.

“But if they know that I’m scared, then they’ll be scared too. They’ll look at me like I’m a freak. I don’t think I can handle that.” She said as tears ran down her face.

His heart ached for her. He definitely knew where she was coming from. He hated it when her friends looked at him that way. Thinking about them treating her the way they treated him made him furious.

“I don’t think they’d ever look at you like that.” He assured her.

“But I have a demon in me now, Spike. A demon. Do you have any idea what that feels like?” She asked him desperately.

He looked at her and chuckled. She just then realized the idiocy of her question. She laughed in spite of her tears.

“Okay, I guess you do know.” She said with a small smile. “But, I don’t know how deal with that. Especially when I have so little information. I mean, I feel good. I feel like I’m not evil. But what if I am? We don’t know for sure what my nature is.” She said shaking her head.

He looked at her seriously. He took her hand in his own and held it tightly. He lifted her chin up to look him in the eye.

“Listen to me, Buffy. You are in control here. Not the demon. You aren’t evil unless you want to be. Trust me, I know about this.” He said seriously.

She looked into his eyes and saw the sincerity there. She also saw how much love he felt for her. It was still a hard concept to grasp, but she knew he did love her. And he was the only one who had the slightest idea what she was going through.

“Spike, what if I’m not strong enough?” She whispered.

“You are the strongest person I know. But you don’t have to do this alone.” He reassured her.

“I know I’m not alone. But my friends…” She started to say, but he cut her off.

“I’m not talking about them. I’m talking about me. You have me.” He said, gently wiping away a tear that had began to roll down her cheek.

She felt herself trembling under his gentle touch. She couldn’t help but be in awe of him on a regular basis. One minute, he was being his usual sarcastic, obnoxious self. Pushing her buttons and making her mad. The next minute, he was tenderly wiping her tears away. He was impossible for her to figure out.

“What happens when you get tired of me?” She asked him quietly.

“Get tired of you? What makes you think I’ll get tired of you?” He asked surprised that she would think that.

“Well, I’m not the Slayer anymore, Spike. I mean, wasn’t that part of the whole obsession thing you had going?” She asked him uncomfortably.

He looked at her and shifted nervously. Then he sighed.

“Well, yeah. At first, I guess. But, this isn’t an obsession, Buffy. Not anymore.” He said quietly, unable to look her in the eye. “I love you. I love Buffy, not the Slayer.”

She couldn’t help but be touched at his words. They were so sincere and she knew it wasn’t easy for him to say them. The last time he had told her, she had been more than cruel to him. But that was a whole other matter that she’d been trying to forget.

He had changed. And more than just a little. This person sitting in front of her wasn’t a monster, he was a man. He wasn’t the same as he was when they first met. That much was a given. But he wasn’t even the same person he was when he first told her he loved her. He wasn’t the same person who had chained her up and begged her to love him.

He had grown. She knew it the day she had gone to see him pretending to be the robot. That was the first time she had truly seen him. She knew that day, that everything had changed. And now as he sat before her tonight, she realized that things had changed again. She was having feelings for him. Not just gratitude and acceptance, but real feelings. She cared about him.

“Spike…” She said softly, unsure of exactly what she should say.

He finally found the courage to look at her again. He was reluctant to say the words out loud to her again, but it was truth, and he needed to say it. He waited to see what she would say next.

“Spike, will you help me?” She asked finally, trying to change the subject from feelings to something a little less uncomfortable.

“Help you with what?” He asked, feeling relief that she wasn’t going to mention his declaration of love.

“I don’t know how to control this thing. I mean, so far, we know that my demony parts show themselves when I’m fighting. But that might not be the only trigger. I need to know how to control that. You can teach me.” She said with a smile.

He laughed at her and shook his head.

“You want me to teach you how to be a vampire?”

“No. But, I need to know how to change when I want to. I don’t want this thing just happening at random. The last thing I need is to be walking down the street and a suddenly go all fang face. People might talk.” She said with a smile.

“That’s true.” He agreed.

“And I need to know what else I can do. What if I have other cool powers? I mean, I received power from all of those other vampires. Wouldn’t I maybe inherit some of their traits? The not evil one’s anyway.” She asked curiously.

“I suppose that’s possible.” He shrugged.

“Dracula can turn into a bat. And he had this cool thing where he turned into mist. Plus, he had thrall. Do you think I have thrall?” She asked intrigued.

“I think you do. I’m under it.” He said with a smile.

She looked at him and suddenly felt embarrassed for some reason. Maybe it was the way he was looking at her. She felt herself blushing.

“Well, if you’re under my thrall, then that means you’ll do anything I want. That could be fun.” She said thoughtfully.

“Yes it could. Very fun.” He said giving her a suggestive look.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” She said rolling her eyes. “I meant, I could make you do things. Embarrassing things. Like, run naked down the street.” She said flustered.

“You’d make me do that?” He asked with mock surprise. “I’m shocked. Maybe you really are evil. But you know, If you want to see me naked, all you have to do is ask.” He said with a smirk.

“Ugh. I don’t. I just meant…Oh, forget it.” She said exasperated.

He laughed at her and shook his head.

“I mean, I could take my clothes off now, if you want. Or we could go someplace more private…” He said, still enjoying teasing her.

“Shut up, you…you…big jerk.” She said irritated.

“Big jerk? That’s pretty weak, even for you. Maybe we’ll work on your witty insults too.” He teased her.

She punched his arm and glared at him.

“I hate you.” She said with a pout.

“I know.” He smiled.

He knew she didn’t mean it. Not anymore. But he was okay with the game. He reached over and put his arm around her. He knew it was a bold move, but he didn’t care. She looked at him and smiled.

“You’re gonna be okay. You know that right? We’ll work through this.” He said seriously.

Despite the lighter tone that they had just experienced, he knew she still needed comfort and not just distraction.

“Yeah. It’s gonna be alright.” She said softly, leaning into him.

They sat there in silence for a long time. She didn’t know how he did it. He always knew what to say and do. He knew when she needed to laugh, and he knew when she needed to cry. He was always there with the humor or the shoulder to cry on. It was bizarre. He understood so much about her. Maybe that was because they were so much alike?

She had found something with him. She knew that now. It was something real, something right. It was hard to explain. She spent so much time fighting him, and all along what she needed was right under her nose. It hadn’t always been that way though, she knew.

He had realized it first. She was a slow learner, but she was getting there. It had taken a lot to get to this point, but she was finally there. And so was he. She understood that now and she wasn’t quite sure what to think of it. But she was willing to learn and he was going to teach her.

TBC…

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