Disclaimer: Nothing here belongs to me. I borrow everything from Joss and Co. You can sue me if you want to, but I don’t think you’d want anything of mine.

Author’s note: I know everyone is probably getting tired of these ‘Buffy’s back’ stories, but this one has been nagging me for awhile. I finally decided to give it a go. It’s fueled with wild speculation about Buffy coming back from the dead ‘different’. Some of the story is based on spoilers and rumors that I’ve heard. I sadly have no inside knowledge so this is just my fantasy.

Summery: Buffy’s is brought back to life by the gang. Everything seems to be returning to normal until Buffy’s discovers she’s not exactly the same as she was. Spike/Buffy shippiness of course. Do I write anything else?

Rating: PG-13 so far, maybe more later…

The Ties That Bind…

Part One~

Buffy tossed and turned in her bed. She glanced at the clock and noticed that it was almost two AM. She’d been lying here like this for over an hour. She had only been back amongst the living for five days and since that time, she found it hard to sleep.

Maybe it was because sleep felt foreign to her now, just as everything else did. When she would sleep, her dreams were vivid and frightening. She never could remember much about them, but she would wake up sweating and gasping for air.

She was frightened to sleep for fear that the dreams would come back. So she tossed and turned. Her skin felt tight and itchy, like it didn’t belong to her. Maybe it was because wherever she had been for the last three months, she hadn’t needed a body? She really didn’t remember.

She finally tossed the covers aside and jumped out of bed. She threw some clothes on and crept quietly down the stairs being sure not to wake Dawn, or Willow and Tara, who were staying with them. She snuck out the front door and into the cool night air. She took a deep breath and felt a calm settle over her.

That’s all I needed. Just some fresh air. She said to herself, as she headed down the street. She didn’t notice that she was being watched. The figure moved out from behind a tree and began trailing her. He moved quietly, making sure that she didn’t see him.

What is she doing out walking in the middle of the night? Doesn’t she know it isn’t safe? He thought to himself as he followed distantly behind her. He was glad he had been outside of her house, just for this reason. She probably wasn’t thinking too clearly, he realized, and that could be dangerous.

Buffy walked slowly. She really didn’t know where she was going, but just being outdoors felt freeing. She suddenly realized that she had grown claustrophobic. Flashes of being locked inside of a coffin, trying to claw her way out, began to pass through her mind. She shook her head to dispel the images and kept walking.

She reached the park and smiled. Something I recognize… She thought to herself. She began to head over to the swings. Just then, she felt a prickly sensation on the back of her neck. Like a jolt of energy, she felt her stomach flip. Vampire… She thought. Then she cocked her head to the side, to get a better feel for the situation. She sighed and turned around.

“Spike? I know you’re here, so you might as well come out.” She said putting her hands on her hips and calling out to the empty park.

She had felt the presence of a vampire, but then as she concentrated, she recognized him. Plus, she had smelled his familiar scent of leather and tobacco smoke. It was weird to her how she could do that, distinguish him from other vampires, but she supposed it was only because they knew each other. A little too well, she thought.

Spike cautiously showed his face from behind the jungle gym.

“Caught me, did you?” He said, slightly embarrassed.

“I thought you’d outgrown your creepy stalking phase.” She said, rolling her eyes.

She knew he was concerned about her but she didn’t feel like she needed a shadow.

“I wasn’t stalking, I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get into any trouble. You’ve only been back in business for a coupla days. You might be a little rusty.” He said defending himself.

He had been completely floored when he learned that she had come back. He had been even more surprised when he learned that all her friends had been in on it. No one had thought to tell him, so he wasn’t exactly prepared for when she came waltzing into his crypt a few nights ago.

He had nearly wept when he saw her, but he managed to control himself. She had been the one to break down into tears. He had pulled her close to him and held her as she cried. He didn’t even have time to think about what he was doing, he just embraced her tightly.

To his surprise, she had welcomed the comfort he was offering. She had wept, and he had soothed her the best that he could. They had ended up talking for several hours, which was something they had never done before. He had realized that night, that they had never even had a real conversation before that.

But she had talked, and he had listened. He felt so close to her that night and he wondered if she had felt it too, but he wouldn’t dare ask her that. He just wanted to make sure she was safe and looked after until she felt more like herself again. That was why he had been outside of her house. He knew she hadn’t been sleeping well. He worried that she might try to take off, just as she had tonight.

“Spike, I may have been dead for a little while, but I don’t need a babysitter.” She said sighing.

“I’m not babysitting you. It’s just, well, how long has it been since you’ve slayed? You’re out of practice.” He said seriously.

“It’s like riding bike, you don’t forget. Besides, I didn’t come out to slay, I just wanted to go for a walk.” She told him, as she sat down on the swings.

“You do remember that you live in Sunnydale, right? There are no casual strolls through the park in the middle of the night, unless you want to get eaten.” He said shaking his head.

“I know. I came prepared.” She said, pulling a stake out of her jacket. “But I wasn’t planning on using it unless I had to. You wanna be the first customer?” She asked him sarcastically.

“And here I thought you were over your idle threats phase.” He said mockingly.

She groaned and rolled her eyes. She began to swing. He walked over and sat on the opposite swing, watching her.

“So…How are you holding up?” He asked, breaking the silence.

She shrugged and continued to look straight ahead.

“Fine I guess. I mean, there isn’t really a resurrection handbook I can refer to, so I guess I’m dealing.” She said with a sardonic laugh.

“Still not sleeping, I take it?” He questioned her.

“No. Not really.” She said quietly. Then she stopped swinging and looked over at him. “I feel weird. I mean, it’s hard to explain. I feel…I don’t know, different somehow.” She told him seriously.

“Well that’s natural. You are a bit different now, I suppose.” He said shrugging.

He had known she was different. It wasn’t something he could put his finger on, but she didn’t feel the same to him anymore. She looked the same, and talked the same, but something was off. He knew it, but he didn’t want to say anything.

“I just wish I knew what was going on. I mean, I’m not supposed to be here. It feels wrong. It’s not like I’m not happy to see everyone again. I am. I am so thrilled that I have a chance now to watch Dawn get older, and see my friends again. But the weird thing is that I didn’t really miss them. I didn’t really miss any of this.” She said sadly.

“Well, that’s because you were dead. You can’t miss anything when you’re dead. Death isn’t designed that way.” He told her.

“And you know this because?” She questioned him.

“Well, I am dead. I don’t miss anything from my human life.” He said shrugging.

“Yeah, but that’s different. You’re a vampire. Either way, you just don’t care anymore. I’m supposed to care.” She tried to explain.

“And you do. I mean, you said yourself that you’re glad to see them all again.” He told her.

“I know. I’m just rambling. I don’t know what I’m thinking anymore. It’s just, I feel like everything is different. I just can’t put my finger on it. It’s like, I feel out of place, like I don’t belong here, or in this body. I feel…trapped.” She said with a sigh.

“I’ve been there. It just takes a little getting used to, is all.” He reassured her.

She looked away from him and back up to the sky.

“You’d think it’d be easier than this. I mean, I was alive for twenty years. I was only dead three months. It seems like being alive should come more naturally.” She said thoughtfully.

“It will. It hasn’t even been a full week yet.” He told her.

She sighed and hung her head down. It felt nice to have someone to talk to, even if it was Spike. It was strange that she was even telling him any of this at all, but for some reason she felt like he understood. She wasn’t sure she could tell any of her friends exactly what she was feeling.

They had all been so thrilled to see her, she didn’t have the heart to tell them she was miserable. She knew they wouldn’t understand how she felt, because she didn’t really get it either.

Just then, she felt her senses prick up again. She smelled something unusual in the air. What is that? I’ve never smelled that before. She thought to herself. Spike sensed exactly the same thing and turned to her.

“Vampires.” He said indicating an area of trees to his left.

“Yeah.” She nodded her head. “What’s that smell?” She asked him curiously.

“What smell?” He asked her quizzically.

“I don’t know. It’s musky. It’s kind of gross.” She said wrinkling her nose.

He sniffed the air and looked at her curiously.

“That would be Eau De Vampire.” He said with a smile.

“What?”

“It’s vampire musk. I didn’t know you could even smell that. Usually only other vampires notice it.” He said shaking his head.

“Yeah, well lucky me.” She said quickly, jumping off the swing. “They’re coming. Let’s go.” She said moving over towards the small group of vampires that had emerged from the trees.

They both headed over and confronted the group. Spike pulled out his own stake that he always carried with him now. There were four vampires looking to fight. Spike looked at Buffy quickly.

“You sure you can handle this?” He asked, throwing a punch at one of the vamps.

“I’ll be fine.” She said irritated, as she kicked one of the vampires in the chest.

They each fought two of the vampires. Buffy had managed to stake one fairly easily, but the other one was a little tougher. She was throwing punches, and he was blocking them too easily. The vampire saw an opportunity to deal a massive blow to her face with his fist. She went flying backwards.

She landed on the hard ground with a thud. Pain coursed through her back and her face where he had hit her. She felt herself getting agitated. As she lifted herself off the ground, she felt a rush of energy go through her. It felt like a power surge, coursing through her veins.

Wow. This is new…She thought to herself. Suddenly her vision became sharper and she felt her adrenaline pumping. She ran over to the vampire and attacked him, knocking him to the ground. Her fists were flying as she pounded into him. She raised her stake and a low growling sound escaped her throat.

She wasn’t exactly aware that the sound had come from her. She thought it had come from the vampire, so she paid no attention. She looked down at the vamp who had a startled expression on his face. She ignored it and plunged her stake into his chest, exploding him into ash.

Spike had just finished off his last vampire and came running over to where Buffy still sat crouched on the ground. Her head was down and Spike touched her shoulder. She looked up at him.

He stepped back from her with a look of shock and bewilderment. She stared back at him with yellow eyes.

“Oh my god…” He said feeling his stomach lurch.

She stood up and gave him a strange look at his startled reaction.

“What? What’s wrong?” She asked, not understanding what his problem was.

“You…Your eyes.” He said staring at her.

“What about my eyes? What’s wrong with you?” She asked getting impatient.

“Your teeth…”

“What the hell are you babbling about? What’s wrong with my teeth?” She asked, starting to freak out at his actions.

She ran her tongue over her teeth and gasped. She put her finger in her mouth and felt sharp, pointed teeth. She instantly ran her hands over her face to feel for anything else unusual. Her face was still smooth and not distorted.

“What the hell is this?” She asked him panicked.

He walked closer to her cautiously. He was examining her new features closely.

“Stop staring at me!” She yelled at him. “I need a mirror. Give me a mirror.” She commanded him.

“Uh, do you really think I carry a mirror around with me?” He asked shaking his head. He was still in shock.

“Ahh! This is no time to be making jokes!” She cried as she paced around him.

He had no idea what to say or do. He had sensed that something was different about her and he hadn’t been wrong. Only he wasn’t expecting this, whatever this was.

She stopped pacing for a moment and shook her head vigorously. She tried to clear her head. She looked back up at him desperately. He stared at her and smiled slightly.

“It’s gone.” He told her quietly.

“What?”

“You’re back to normal again.”

She felt her smooth teeth and noticed that her vision had dimmed slightly. She slumped down to the ground numbly and began to cry. He went over to her and touched her shoulder. She looked up at him with a completely lost expression on her face. She took his hand and pulled him down to her.

He crouched beside her and she looked over at him with tear streaked eyes.

“What’s wrong with me? What was that?” She asked him almost inaudibly.

“I don’t know, Luv.” He said shaking his head.

“What did I look like?” She asked wiping her eyes.

“I don’t know. You looked like you, but your eyes were yellowish, like a cat. And your teeth were…well, they were…” He explained uncomfortably.

“Am I a vampire?” She choked out.

He shook his head vigorously.

“No. No, you can’t be. I mean, you weren’t all bumpy and it isn’t possible. I mean, I saw you die. The only vampire around was me, and I didn’t touch you. Plus, it doesn’t take three months to rise again.” He explained quickly.

“Then what was that? Why did I get all fangy? And I think I even growled, I’m not sure.” She said, tears falling again.

“I don’t know. Can you do it again?” He asked her curiously.

She looked at him with astonishment.

“I don’t want to! Besides, I don’t know how I did it to begin with. One minute I was fine, I think. And the next thing I know, he hit me really hard and then I felt something happen. I-I didn’t know what.” She said shaking her head.

“He pissed you off. It made you change.” He said understanding.

“Change? I really hate the sound of that. It’s so vampirey sounding.” She said closing her eyes to block out whatever it was that was happening.

“Let’s see if we can do it again. At least try. I need to get a better look at you.” He said hurriedly.

“How? I told you, I don’t know how I did it.” She said exasperated.

“I can piss you off. I know I’m good at that. Let me just think of something rude to say.” He said furrowing his brow in thought.

“Stop. I don’t want it to happen again.” She said irritated.

“Come on. Just one more time.” He pleaded with her. He was so curious he couldn’t stand it.

“I said no.” She said firmly.

“Look, see? I’m already pissing you off. It won’t be long now.” He said with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes at him and tried to ignore him. He figured he’d use another tactic. There was more than one way to make her mad. A little pain might work. He reached over and pinched her arm as hard as he could. She grabbed her arm and glared at him.

“Ow! What the hell was that for? You jerk.” She asked with a disgusted look on her face.

Spike looked at her with a look of surprise.

“That didn’t hurt me.” He said his eyes wide.

“No kidding. I’m the one who got pinched, you idiot!” She said rubbing her arm.

“So that hurt you?” He asked with amazement.

“Duh? Yes it hurt.” She said angrily. Then it dawned on her. Her eyes grew wide. “Wait. That didn’t hurt you. Y-your head? No zapping?” She asked confused.

He shook his head slowly.

“No.”

She started to panic. This only meant one of two things. Either his chip had chosen this moment to stop working, or worse yet, she was no longer human. She grabbed him by his jacket and yanked him to his feet with her.

“Quick! Hit me. And act like you mean it too.” She said with wild determination.

“What? I don’t want to hit you.” He protested.

“Look, just do it. Maybe that pinch wasn’t good enough. Maybe you weren’t trying to hurt me, and that’s why your chip didn’t activate. Now just hit me!” She urged him.

“Buffy, I don’t—.” He started, but she stopped him with a left hook. Her fist smashed into his jaw and he stumbled back.

He looked at her angrily. She had a wild look in her eyes.

“Hit me!” She told him.

He looked at her and smiled. It had been a long time since he’d fought with her. He lunged forward and punched her hard across her face. She stumbled back a bit and her head snapped up angrily. The yellow in her eyes was back, as was her new smile.

“Did that hurt?” She asked him desperately.

“Well, my hand stings a little…” He said with a smirk.

“I meant your head, dumbass.” She said groaning.

“No, my head is just fine.” He said quietly. He knew this was not going to be good for anyone.

“Oh my god. This is so not happening. You know what this means, don’t you?” She asked him anxiously.

“Uh, I hope it doesn’t mean you’re gonna stake me now. Cause technically, this isn’t my fault.” He said backing away from her slightly.

“No, this means I’m not human. I can’t be or else that would have hurt you.” She said feeling the tears fill her eyes again. Her features had returned back to normal once more.

“It doesn’t necessarily mean that. I mean, maybe my chip just isn’t working? Maybe the batteries ran out?” He said trying to comfort her fears.

“Do you think so? I-I mean, that could happen right?” She said pacing around, trying to make sense of it all. Then she turned to him sharply. “Either way, this means you can kill me now, you realize that?”

He looked at her sighed.

“Please. As if I’m going to kill you. I just spent the last three months weeping like a bloody girl over your death. Like I’d kill you now.” He scoffed.

“That’s true.” She said thoughtfully. “But, w-we need to find out, right? I mean, if your chips’ gone wacky, we need to know. We just need to find someone else for you to hit.” She said chewing her nails nervously.

“What? You want me to just run up and hit someone?” He asked incredulously.

“Yes.” She said scanning the deserted park. There was no one around at this time of night and she knew that.

“Maybe Xander’s awake.” Spike said thoughtfully. As long as Buffy wanted him to hit someone, he couldn’t think of anyone better.

She rolled her eyes.

“Not Xander, you moron. You think he wouldn’t kill you in an instant if your chip wasn’t working?” She said seriously.

“Good point.” He said quickly. Self preservation was always important.

She grabbed his hand and pulled her with her. “Come on. I’m sure there’s at least one stupid person out here tonight.”

She walked hurriedly down the street dragging him along behind her. She was acting completely irrational, but Spike supposed that she had reason to be a little nuts right now. He had no idea what was happening. She had some definite vampire thing going on, but he knew that she wasn’t actually a vampire. She had a heartbeat and was breathing. Plus he knew she’d been out in the daytime. None of it made much sense, but he was definitely intrigued.

They walked down a deserted alley and Buffy spotted a homeless man sleeping in a pile of garbage. She silently wondered how this man stayed alive at all, with all the vampires running around. She shook the thought out of her head.

“There.” She said pointing to the sleeping man. “Go over and kick him or something.”

He looked at her and shook his head.

“You want me to just go over and kick some poor homeless guy?” He asked her with surprise.

“Yes. Geez, Spike. You are still a vampire, aren’t you? Since when did you grow morals? Just kick him.” She said rolling her eyes.

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

“Fine. You know, I kinda like this new side to you. Much more fun.” He chuckled over his shoulder as he approached the man.

Spike stood over the guy and cocked his foot back. With one swift move, he kicked the man in the shins. The guy jumped up startled and started cursing at Spike, who was clutching his head in agony.

“Bloody hell!” He yelled as he stumbled back from the man.

“What’s yer problem, you lousy punk?” The homeless man slurred angrily.

Spike regained his senses and looked down at the man.

“Sorry mate. Didn’t see you there. I must have tripped. Go back to sleep.” He told him as he walked back to Buffy.

“Sorry sweetheart. Looks like it’s just you. Chips’ still working it’s magic.” He said rubbing his head.

“Great. This is just great. I have to get out of here. I need to talk to Giles.” She said, rushing out of the alley.

Spike followed her close behind.

“Giles isn’t here, remember? He’s back in merry old England.” Spike reminded her.

She stopped short.

“Damn! I forgot.” She said nervously. “Willow! I need to see Willow. She’s smart with the books and stuff. Plus, she’s the one who brought me back. Maybe she knows what’s happening.” She said hurrying off again.

She rushed down the street and headed for her house as quickly as her feet could carry her. Spike hurried along beside her, unwilling to leave her side, especially now. Plus, he was completely baffled by the events of the evening and wouldn’t have minded an explanation himself.

They walked along silently, neither knowing exactly what to say. Buffy was in a state of utter panic, and Spike was just confused. Finally, she turned to him.

“So, what do you think this is? Some sort of strange side effect of being dead?” She asked him.

He shrugged.

“Its not exactly well explored territory, so I don’t know. It’s definitely interesting. Are you having any strange cravings for a pint of blood or anything?” He asked her curiously.

She shot him a disgusted look.

“Eww! No.” She said shaking her head.

“Just checking. I mean, I thought maybe you and your new fangs might be hungry. I have some blood back at my crypt if you change your mind.” He said jokingly.

“Ugh! Would you just shut up. I’m not a vampire. You said so yourself.” She said irritated.

“I know, pet, but it’s all just so fascinating. I mean, you looked kinda sexy.” He said pushing the envelope.

“If you say one more word, I’m gonna personally try out my new fangs on your face. So shut up.” She said holding her hand up to stop his incessant remarks.

“Fine. I’m just trying to lighten things up a bit.” He shrugged. “I thought you could do with a little humor.”

She glared at him.

“Do you not notice that words are still coming out of your mouth?” She asked rolling her eyes.

He sighed and decided it best he just take her advice and shut up. They walked up to her house and Buffy ran inside. Spike followed her, figuring he wasn’t about to leave now. This was going to be interesting.

Buffy felt like screaming for Willow to come down, but she didn’t want to wake Dawn. She didn’t want Dawn to know about any of this. At least not until she knew what was happening. She took a deep breath and ran up the stairs.

She crept into her mother’s old room where Willow and Tara were sleeping soundly. She walked over and shook Willow awake.

“Will? Wake up. We need to talk.” Buffy said anxiously.

Willow struggled to focus her eyes and glanced at the clock.

“Buffy? I-It’s four in the morning. What’s wrong?” Willow asked sleepy, but concerned.

“I know what time it is. You have to come downstairs. Now.” She said firmly.

“What’s going on?” Tara asked as she started to wake up.

“Meet me downstairs. Oh and put on a robe or something. Spike’s down there.” Buffy added offhand as she walked out the door.

“What’s wrong with her? Why is Spike here?” Tara asked looking at Willow confused.

“I-I have no idea. Come on. Let’s get down there.” Willow said, hopping out of bed and pulling on her bathrobe.

Buffy rejoined Spike who was sitting on the couch casually.

“So, the witches comin’ down?” He asked her curiously.

“Yeah. God, I hope they know what’s going on. And if they do, I’m gonna kill them for not warning me.” She said bitterly.

Just then, Willow and Tara came rushing down the stairs.

“Okay, we’re here. What’s going on? Did something happen?” Willow asked, looking at them both carefully.

“Will, I don’t know how to say this. I mean, something’s wrong…With me. I mean, I’m different. I’m…how do I say this?” Buffy started rambling nervously, completely unaware of how to explain this.

Spike interrupted her.

“Buffy is a vampire.” He said quickly.

Willow and Tara both stepped back and looked at Buffy nervously.

“W-What? Y-you’re a v-vampire?” Willow started stammering.

“Spike! Way to break it gently.” Buffy said scowling at him. Then she turned to her friends. “I am not a vampire. But, something is wrong.” She said seriously.

“Yeah, if you make Buffy mad, she gets a little fangy.” Spike told them.

“What? You get fangy?” Willow asked confused.

“Go on, Luv. Show them.” Spike urged her.

“Spike, this isn’t a cool party trick you know?” Buffy said rolling her eyes.

“I know that. It’s just it’d be easier if you showed them.” Spike insisted.

“Ugh! Would you just stop! You are enjoying this way too much.” Buffy said angrily.

“I am not enjoying this. It’s just kinda neat, is all.” Spike said shrugging.

Willow and Tara watched the two arguing back and forth and Willow cleared her throat loudly.

“Um, excuse me? Two really confused people over here.” Willow said interrupting their fight. “Think you guys can stop bickering for two seconds and tell us what the hell is going on?”

Buffy and Spike turned to the witches. For a minute they had almost forgotten that they were there.

“Sorry.” Buffy said sheepishly.

“Look, tell me exactly what it is you’re talking about.” Willow said firmly, trying to gain some sort of control of the situation.

Buffy took a deep breath and looked at her friends.

“Okay. Spike and I were fighting some vampires. I was hit pretty hard and got knocked down. When I got up, I felt different. Powerful. I didn’t know why. Well, apparently I had some sort of glowing eyes and fang episode. Spike was looking at me like I’d grown antlers or something. That’s when I noticed that my teeth were all pointy.” Buffy tried to explain, quickly but thoroughly.

“Y-your teeth were all pointy?” Tara asked curiously.

“Yes. And I guess my eyes were funky too.” Buffy said.

“Yeah, they were yellow.” Spike confirmed.

“And it went away?” Willow asked.

“Well, obviously it went away.” Spike muttered and Buffy glared at him.

“Yes, it went away. But then Spike wanted to see it again, being the freak that he is.” She said looking at him pointedly. “So, he tried to make me mad, which of course isn’t hard to do.”

“Hey, you’re the one who told me to hit you.” Spike interjected.

“That was after you had taken it upon yourself to pinch me like a four year old.” Buffy said rolling her eyes.

“Guys, guys, stop it! Do I have to separate you two?” Willow said becoming increasingly frustrated.

“Sorry. Look, it went away, but it came back when Spike hit me.”

“Wait, you really did hit her?” Tara asked.

“She asked me too.” Spike said defensively. “Besides, she hit me first.”

“Spike…” Buffy groaned.

“Okay, let me get this straight. He hit you and then what happened?” Willow asked still trying to make sense of it all in between their bickering.

“Nothing happened. I-I mean, his chip, it didn’t zap him.” Buffy said hurriedly.

“Oh my god. Y-your chip? It doesn’t work anymore?” Willow stammered as she took another step back. This whole night was getting stranger and stranger.

“No. The bloody thing works fine. It just doesn’t work on Buffy anymore.” Spike told her.

“Are you sure?” Tara asked not convinced.

“Yes, I’m bloody sure. I kicked some homeless guy and it hurt like hell.” Spike told her.

“Y-you kicked a homeless guy?” Tara asked disturbed.

“She made me do it.” Spike said pointing at Buffy.

Willow and Tara looked at her perplexed. Buffy groaned.

“Yes, I made him do it. I had to be sure.” Buffy said innocently.

“So, the chip works, just not on you?” Willow clarified.

“Yes, Will. He can hurt me, because I’m not human.” Buffy said with tears glistening in her eyes. Saying the words out loud was harder than she thought.

“That doesn’t mean I want to hurt her, just so you all know. No need to stake me or anything, right?” Spike added just to be on the safe side.

“Fine. No staking.” Willow said absently, not really paying attention to what he had said. She was still trying to comprehend what Buffy had told her.

“A-are you sure you’re not human? I-I mean, you seem human and stuff.” Tara asked unsure.

“Well if I’m human, how do you explain the fang episode? Or Spike hitting me?” Buffy asked, as she slumped down onto the couch.

“That’s a good question.” Willow said sitting down next to her.

“I was kinda counting on you for the answers. I-I mean, you were the one who brought me back. Didn’t you read the instructions? Were there side effects like, ‘Gee, Buffy gets to come back, but now she’s a monster’?” Buffy asked sarcastically.

She had to admit she was feeling a little angry about the whole thing. She didn’t ask to come back, in fact, she had preferred that she stayed dead. She was just beginning to accept her new life, and now there were complications. Something she wasn’t prepared to deal with.

“Buffy…Of course, I researched the spell. For months, in fact. I-I don’t know what happened. It was supposed to restore you to your former self. That was the plan.” Willow said shaking her head sadly.

The guilt over the fact that she had done this was beginning to overwhelm her. When they had done the spell, they weren’t even sure if it worked or not. It didn’t seem to, but then Buffy just showed up. Willow knew she must have done something wrong. She had feared that from the beginning.

Buffy seemed okay at first and Willow was relieved. But now it was obvious that something had gone horribly wrong. Willow didn’t know how to fix it. Or if it could even be fixed.

“Willow, you have to find out. I need to know what’s happening to me. I don’t want to be like this. What if I’m dangerous? What if I do something terrible to one of you? Or to Dawn? My god, how am I gonna tell her this?” Buffy said hanging her head and beginning to cry.

Willow felt her own tears welling up as she put her hand on Buffy’s shoulder.

“Buffy, I’m so sorry.” Willow said sadly.

Buffy suddenly got up from the couch and walked away from her. Willow felt her heart breaking. Buffy was obviously never going to forgive her for this.

“I have to get out of here.” Buffy said nervously, pacing around.

“Where are you going to go?” Willow asked through her tears.

“I don’t know, but I can’t be here. I-if I’m dangerous, I can’t be around Dawn or any of you.” She said seriously.

“B-But you don’t seem dangerous. You seem like Buffy.” Willow said sadly.

“But I’m not Buffy. Don’t you get that? I don’t know what I am.” She said bitterly. “I-I need to go.” She said hurriedly heading for the door.

Spike followed her and put his hand on the doorknob to stop her.

“What are you gonna do? Wander around in the dark by yourself?” He asked her seriously.

“I don’t care. But I can’t be here. Maybe that wino will save me a seat in the alley with him. It looked cozy enough.” She said sarcastically.

“Forget it. You’re comin with me.” He said firmly.

“I’m not going to stay with you.” She said as if it were the most ridiculous thing she’d ever heard.

“It’s more comfortable than a dumpster. Not to mention safer. Besides, it’s not as if I’m asking you to move in.” He told her rolling his eyes.

She looked at him and started to protest, but realized he was actually right. She couldn’t just wander aimlessly. And until they figured out what was wrong with her, she didn’t feel comfortable staying in the house.

“Fine.” She relented. Then she turned to her friends. “I’ll be at Spike’s. Please, find out what happened.” She pleaded with them.

“We will. I promise. I-I’ll get the books and look into the spell some more.” Willow said trying to be confident. Then she added, “Should we call Giles? I-I mean, he’s planning on coming here in two days anyway, but should I give him a heads up?”

Buffy started to shake her head ‘no’ but then she thought better of it.

“Yeah. Tell him what happened. Maybe he can get something useful out of the council or maybe he has some other books or something.”

“Okay. And Buffy?” Willow said softly. Buffy looked at her. “I’ll fix this. I promise.”

Buffy nodded her head and she and Spike headed out the door. Once they were gone, Willow ran into Tara’s arms and began to cry.

“Oh Tara…What have I done? Y-you warned me not to do this, and I didn’t listen. Now I’ve ruined Buffy. I’ve made her a demon or something. She’s never gonna forgive me and I don’t know if I can make this right.” She cried into Tara’s bathrobe.

Tara stroked her hair softly.

“Shh, Sweetie. It’ll be okay. We’ll find out what went wrong. I’ll help you.” Tara tried to soothe her.

“I’m a terrible witch. And an even worse friend.” Willow sobbed.

“You’re not terrible, y-you just got in over your head. This might not be your fault. It could be something else.” Tara said reassuringly.

“But it is my fault. I shouldn’t have brought her back. Even if I did the spell right, obviously I didn’t read the fine print. Now Buffy thinks she’s dangerous. But I’m the one who’s dangerous. I’m the one who did this.” Willow said getting angry at herself.

Tara didn’t have any more words of encouragement for her. She only held her tightly and tried to push back her own emotions. She wanted to be there for Willow, but she couldn’t help but feel a little angry herself. She had warned Willow not to do this, and she hadn’t listened.

Tara was not the type to say ‘I told you so’ but that was how she felt now. She pushed the feeling back and continued to stroke Willow’s hair. Even if she was disturbed by the whole thing, she still loved Willow and had to support her.

Buffy and Spike walked in silence to his crypt. The sky was starting to lighten up a bit, due to the impending sunrise. They had made it inside with only a little time to spare. Spike looked at Buffy, who seemed completely exhausted.

“You tired?” He asked her.

“No.” She said quickly, and then she nodded her head. “Yeah. But I don’t know if I can sleep. This is all too much. Plus, I get nightmares.” She added softly.

“Nightmares? Is that why you haven’t been sleeping?” He asked her sympathetically.

“Yeah. Apparently another side effect of this whole mess.” She sighed.

“Well, if you’re tired, the bed’s over there.” He said indicating his stone sarcophagus. It had a comforter piled on it and a tattered looking pillow.

She rolled her eyes.

“That’s not a bed, that’s a slab of concrete.” She told him.

“Well, it’s the only one I’ve got.” He said with a smile.

“How can you even live here? It’s so creepy and dusty.” She said making a face.

“I’m sorry. If I’d of known you were gonna be staying here, I wouldn’t have given the cleaning lady the week off. Next time, I’ll make sure she brings the good linen out. Maybe she’ll even leave one of those little mints on your pillow?” He said with a sarcastic smirk.

“Just shut up. No wonder you can’t keep a girlfriend.” She muttered.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” He asked her incredulously.

“Well, look at this place? I can’t believe Harmony would have even stepped inside of here much less lived here. It needs a woman’s touch badly.” She said calmly.

“Are you volunteering?” He asked suggestively.

“In your dreams.” She said with a small smile.

“Every night.” He said looking at her longingly.

“Okay. Enough of this. I’m going to try and sleep. You stay over there.” She said pointing across the room.

“Where am I supposed to sleep? In the corner?”

“Whatever works for you. I just know you’re not sleeping with me.” She said firmly.

“I’m painfully aware of that fact.” He muttered.

“Ugh. Go be…over there. And don’t talk anymore. You bug me. I might have to get fangy again.” She added with a smirk.

He sighed and went and sat over in his chair. He watched as she attempted to get comfortable on his makeshift bed. He couldn’t even count the many times he’d imagined having her there. Only she would have been wearing much less clothes and he’d be right there with her.

He smiled at the thought. Things were definitely different now. He didn’t even know what she was anymore. But it was an interesting development, that was for sure. Now, she couldn’t use the argument that she couldn’t be with someone who wasn’t human. She wasn’t even human anymore herself.

But what exactly she had become was a total mystery. She acted the same, and unless she got really mad, she looked the same. She hadn’t lost her talent for witty remarks or insults. In fact, she was in top form where that was concerned.

But she obviously wasn’t the Buffy he knew before. He suspected the possibility that some sort of demon had taken residence in her body, even though she seemed more human than not. She certainly didn’t seem evil, although it was a bit uncharacteristic of her to encourage him to kick a homeless man. He supposed that was just the panic talking.

He was too keyed up to sleep and decided to light a cigarette. He took a long drag and exhaled. He heard Buffy make an annoyed sound.

“Do you have to smoke while I’m trying to sleep? Some of us demony types still need to breathe.” She asked him sarcastically.

“Sorry Luv.” He apologized, but continued to smoke. It was his place after all. Why should she call the shots.

“Aren’t you gonna put it out?” She asked, sitting up from her uncomfortable position.

“No. I’m not gonna waste it now. Do you know how expensive these things are?” He asked her.

“Well, then maybe you should quit.” She told him pointedly.

“What are you? My bleedin’ mother? Just ignore me and go to sleep.” He urged her exasperated.

“I’m trying to ignore you, but your annoyingness is apparent from all the way over there.” She said crossing her arms.

“My god woman! With all your nagging, it’s no wonder all your boyfriends ran off. I just wonder what took them so long.” He told her agitated, as he ran his fingers through his hair.

She was infuriated now. She jumped off the stone coffin and rushed over to him. She punched him in the nose and the force of her blow, tipped his chair over backwards.

“Do not bring up my love life!” She shouted at him. It was obviously still a very touchy subject for her. Being dead had not changed that.

Spike was stunned momentarily, but he scrambled to his feet. He looked at her with fire in his eyes.

“So? You want to play, is that it? Are you forgetting I’m not your helpless punching bag anymore?” He smirked at her.

He was dying for a good fight with her. Before he was chipped, he had gotten off on their battles immensely. Whatever had happened to her, this was just a nice little bonus.

She looked at him and smiled a wicked smile.

“You don’t want to play with me, Spike. You’ll lose. If you thought I was tough before, you haven’t seen anything yet.” She said knowing he’d rise to the challenge anyway.

“Try me.” He said excitedly.

He had been waiting for this moment for a very long time. This time, it was purely for fun though. He wasn’t intending on hurting her, well not badly anyway. He just wanted to feel the passion of the fight again. He wanted to dance.

She smiled and threw the first punch at him. He ducked, and made his own punch. It connected with the side of her face and her head snapped back. When it did, he saw her new features staring him in the face. She smiled a sharp toothed grin and lunged for him.

They tumbled to the ground and she punched him again, this time across the mouth. His lip split open and he tasted the blood seeping into his mouth. He smiled and her yellow eyes glared back at him. He decided that if she was gonna get fangy, so was he.

He vamped out and threw her off of him. She tumbled back landed flat on her back. Before she could scramble up, he was on top of her. She kneed him in the groin and he rolled away, clutching himself in agony.

“Bloody hell! Watch the merchandise. You may want to use it someday.” He said painfully, but with a smirk.

“That’s doubtful.” She said with a wicked grin as she punched him again.

He reeled back and landed on his back with a hard thud. She leapt onto him and straddled him. She stared down at him and smiled as she grabbed his arms and pinned them behind his head.

His demon features disappeared and his human face stared back at her hungrily. He wanted to rip her clothes off so bad he could taste it. Despite his earlier injury, he could feel himself growing excited underneath her. He wondered if she could feel it.

She looked down at him and for an instant she thought to herself how incredibly gorgeous he was. His face was perfectly chiseled. His eyes were so blue. Damn! Stop thinking about him that way. She scolded herself.

“You lose Spike. If I had a stake, you’d be pretty dusty right now.” She said proudly as her face returned to normal as well.

She didn’t have control over her changes, but it seemed apparent that they came out when she fought and went away when she relaxed.

“I let you win.” He smirked.

“Please. You did not.” She said rolling her eyes.

“Well, whatever. It was worth it to get you in this position.” He said giving her one of his seductive looks.

She hadn’t even realized that she was still straddling him. It had felt so natural that she had forgotten. She quickly scrambled off of him and jumped to her feet.

“It’s not like I enjoyed it.” She said trying to convince herself of that fact.

He sat up and smirked at her sudden nervousness.

“I think you did. I think you looked rather comfy sitting on my, uh, merchandise.” He said with a chuckle.

Making her squirm was still a favorite pastime. She’d only been back a few days and already it was like she’d never left.

“Do you want me to hit you again? Maybe you’d like a black eye to go with your split lip and damaged merchandise.” She said giving him a hard look.

“It’s not damaged. You want to take it for a test drive?” He asked with a smirk.

“Ugh. You are so gross.” She said throwing up her arms in disgust. She turned away from him. “I’m going to sleep now. Don’t talk to me, don’t smoke, and don’t bring your goods anywhere near me if you want to keep them.”

He smiled and went to sit back down in his chair. That was definitely fun. He thought to himself. She was so damn beautiful and so very much alive. Even if she wasn’t entirely human anymore. It didn’t matter to him. She was alive, and she was in his crypt of all places.

Just a week ago, he’d still been mourning her. He’d cry himself to sleep like a pansy, most nights. He hated that he had been so weak. But he loved her so much, he didn’t think he could live without her. Now that she was back, he felt himself loving her even more. It made no sense, he realized that.

Aside from the very first night, when she had been crying and confused, they fought almost constantly. But he loved that about her. He loved the way they talked to each other. To him it was all in good fun. He talked that way with everyone, but she was the only one who had a talent for keeping up with him. Maybe that was why he loved her so much?

When she argued with him, he felt the fire. That much anger had to mean something more. It meant passion. He felt it. He knew it was there. It wasn’t his imagination. But he knew there was more to it all than just passionate anger.

They could be civil to each other. She had treated him kindly in the past, and he had done his best to help her when she needed it. When she had been scared at her return to this world, he had held her and soothed her. That night, was pure love on his part. There weren’t any nasty words exchanged, no witty remarks. There had only been kindness and compassion for the woman he loved with all of his dead heart. The woman he’d willingly die for in an instant.

But now there was something else between them. A common bond. He wasn’t sure the exact nature of her condition yet, but it was clear that she had somehow picked up some vampire traits. Whether she knew it or would admit to it, she needed him now. He was determined to stand by her, if and when she realized that need.

Buffy had finally drifted off to sleep. The ‘bed’ was not comfortable at all, but her weary body had no choice but to shut down. She settled fitfully into one of her dreams.

She felt herself jolt awake, and noticed that it was completely dark. She tried to sit up and found that she couldn’t. She was trapped somewhere. She began to panic. Suddenly the air seemed very thin and she couldn’t breathe.

She pounded her fists into the top of her prison. It was covered with a satiny fabric. My god…I’m in a coffin. She thought to herself with utter terror. She began clawing at the fabric and kicking at the lid with all of her strength.

It wouldn’t budge. She began to scream, knowing that no one would probably hear her.

“Help me!” She cried out. “Please somebody!”

She kicked harder on the lid and the wood splintered. Dirt came tumbling in on top of her, falling into her face and into her eyes. She felt her lungs desperately gasping for air, and she screamed again.

“No! Help me!” She cried out.

Spike had dozed off in his chair when her screams jolted him wide awake. He rushed over to her and tried to shake her awake.

“Buffy!” He said to her desperately.

She was writhing around and gasping for air.

“No!” She cried out as she suddenly sprung up with her eyes wide.

For a second she had no idea where she was, and then she saw Spike looking at her worried.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his hand still on her arm.

She looked at him and her lip started to quiver. Tears filled up her eyes and she looked at him terrified.

“I-I was in a coffin. There was so much dirt.” She said, as she broke down into sobs.

He instinctively pulled her into his arms and held her tightly as she cried. He felt her body trembling and he gently eased her over so he could sit beside her. He never let go of her, and he never would until she forced him to.

He stroked her hair gently as she clutched onto him.

“It’s okay, Luv. It was just a dream.” He whispered to her softly.

“No. It wasn’t a dream. It happened. I remember that it happened.” She cried.

“Oh Buffy…” He whispered feeling tears springing to his own eyes. He didn’t care if she saw or not. Her pain, was his pain, and he couldn’t bear to see her like this.

“Please, just hold me. Don’t leave me.” She whispered desperately.

She could hardly believe that she was begging Spike to hold her. Just a short time ago, they’d been beating each other up, and now she felt like he was her safety net. Their relationship was so complex. It made little sense to her, but all she knew was that right now, he was all she had.

He nestled his face in her hair and whispered to her softly.

“I’ll never leave you, you know that. As long as you let me live, I’ll be here.” He said with a small smile.

They held each other for awhile before she felt her body sagging with exhaustion again. She laid herself down, and he laid with her. He hadn’t even let it cross his mind that she’d push him away.

He settled his body down next to hers and felt her scoot back closer to him. Her back was to him and he wrapped his arms around her middle. She felt so soft and warm in his arms. Despite her new revelation about herself, there was no mistaking that she felt every bit as human as she ever did.

He wanted to kiss her and love away all of her pain, but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted from him. She wanted comfort and safety. She wanted to know that she wasn’t alone. He could give that to her, and maybe someday she’d be ready to let him love her fully. He’d wait patiently for that day. Until now, he was determined to be what she needed.

Part Two~

Two days had passed since Buffy had discovered she was a little more than meets the eye. She had continued to stay with Spike even though she knew deep down it was probably not necessary. She didn’t feel like she was evil or dangerous, but she was still afraid. She didn’t know what she was or what she could be capable of. She felt safer with him.

She lay on the hard concrete bed and slept fitfully. Every time she closed her eyes, the dreams would come again. Each time, she’d wake screaming and Spike would comfort her until she fell asleep again. It was a strange ritual.

When she was awake, she continued to give him a hard time. She preferred to pretend that nothing had changed between the two of them in the last few days, but she knew it had. Everything had changed, and not just with him. Everything she thought she knew about herself was wrong now. She only hoped that soon she’d have some answers.

As she tossed and turned, a new and different dream began to plague her.

She was walking through a graveyard. She felt uneasy and fearful. I’m going to die… She kept repeating over and over in her head. Suddenly she found herself underground. She looked around at her surroundings and recognized them instantly.

“Welcome.” She heard the eerily familiar voice, echo around her.

“Thanks for having me.” She responded.

Just then the Master stepped out of the shadows to face her. Buffy suddenly felt a major sense of déjà vu. She looked at him oddly.

“Okay, didn’t we already do this? I thought I killed you.” She said to him, putting her hands on her hips.

“Ah yes. I seem to remember killing you as well. Funny how these things work out.” He laughed with a slight shrug.

“Are you here for a reason?” She asked him impatiently.

He only looked at her and laughed. Then suddenly he was behind her, biting into her neck. She tried to struggle, but she couldn’t seem to move. He tossed her into the pool of water. Blackness surrounded her until a flash of light blinded her.

She was now standing beside the pool of water. Xander stood behind her. She looked down into the pool and could see his reflection in the water. His was the only reflection that she saw.

“Why can’t I see myself?” She asked Xander, turning around quickly.

“Because your dead.” He said with a blank look on his face.

“But I-I don’t feel dead. I feel strong. I feel different.” She said shaking her head.

He only ignored her and walked away. The scene changed again and she was now sitting in Dracula’s castle.

“Okay, what do you want?” She asked him as he sat across from her at the large table.

“You’ve found it. The darkness. Your true nature.” He said with a pleased look.

“What?” She asked confused.

“All these years fighting us, and your power is so near to our own.” He said shaking his head.

“I’m not like you.” She protested.

“You think you know what you are? What’s to come? You haven’t even begun.” He said calmly looking at her.

Suddenly, she bolted upright from her sleeping position. She was out of breath again, and she looked at her surroundings. Spike’s crypt. Spike was lying beside her, and he was startled awake by her sudden movements.

“Buffy, are you okay? Did you have another dream?” He asked, concerned for her.

He had taken to sleeping next to her, even though she had protested at first. But after she would wake crying from a nightmare, he would go to her and they would fall asleep together. After the first couple of times, she finally relented and just let him sleep beside her. It was easier that way.

“This dream was different. It wasn’t like the others. I-I think this one was trying to tell me something.” She said, realizing it had the feel of one of her prophetic dreams.

“What was it about?” He asked her curiously.

“I’m not sure. The Master was in it. And Dracula. It was strange. I’m not sure what it meant.” She said shaking her head.

“It wasn’t some kind of kinky dream was it?” He teased her, trying to lighten the tension a bit.

“Oh yuck. As if. No, this was creepy. Though not as creepy as that sort of dream would have been. I mean, some of the stuff actually happened, but not exactly. The things they said to me…” She said shaking her head.

“Do you think it has something to do with what’s happening to you now?” He asked curiously.

“I don’t know.” She said with a sigh as she laid back down again.

Dracula’s last words danced around in her head. You think you know what you are? What’s to come? You haven’t even begun… She knew these were the same words she had heard before in another dream, as well as from his own mouth when she had met him. He knew what I was before I did. But what am I? She asked herself.

Dawn woke up early. Something was wrong and she knew it. Buffy had not been home at all for more than two days. No one would tell her anything and she was starting to get angry as well as worried.

She passed by Buffy’s room, and saw that she was not in her bed again. She felt a tear come to her eye and she wiped it away hastily. She turned and walked down the stairs quickly.

Willow and Tara were in the living room with piles of books surrounding them. They looked extremely tired and Tara yawned.

“I’m going to make some more coffee.” Tara said, getting up to go to the kitchen.

As she turned around, she saw Dawn standing on the stairs with tears in her eyes.

“Dawnie. You’re awake.” Tara said trying to smile.

“What’s going on? Where is my sister?” Dawn said, tired of everyone pretending things were normal.

Willow stood up and walked over to her with a sympathetic face. Buffy had made them swear they wouldn’t tell Dawn about any of this until they had some answers. The feeble excuses for Buffy’s absence were growing thin.

“Dawnie, Buffy just had to go away for a few days, that’s all.” Willow said trying to explain.

“Yeah, I know that’s what you said, but Buffy would have at least said goodbye to me. Where did she go?” Dawn asked wiping her eyes.

“S-She wanted to say goodbye, but…” Tara started to say.

“You guys are lying to me. She’s not on a vacation. She’s dead again, isn’t she? Something went wrong, and she’s gone, right? That’s why you won’t tell me.” Dawn said, breaking down.

Willow went over and put her arm around Dawn, who shook it off.

“Don’t touch me. It’s all your fault that she came back, and now it’s probably your fault that she’s gone.” Dawn said hurtfully.

Tears immediately sprung to Willow’s eyes and her lip trembled.

“Dawn…” Willow said sadly.

“No, stop it. Y-your stupid magic probably wore off or something, and now she’s gone again. That’s what happened, didn’t it?” Dawn said angrily looking at both of the witches. “Tell me!” Dawn shouted, as she broke down into sobs and slumped onto the stairs.

Tara came up and put her arm around Willow and gave her squeeze. Then she walked over to Dawn and touched her arm cautiously.

“Dawnie, listen to me. Buffy isn’t gone. She’s fine. S-she’s just a little confused right now. She doesn’t feel like herself. Willow and I are trying to find a way to make her feel right again. I-I think she just needed some time alone.” Tara tried to explain softly.

Dawn looked up at her with puffy eyes.

“What’s wrong with her?” She choked out.

“W-we don’t know.” Tara said softly, trying to smooth the hair out of Dawn’s eyes. “But, Giles is going to be here this afternoon, and he thinks he may know why she’s not feeling right.”

“Giles knows about this?” Dawn asked.

Tara nodded her head.

“We told him that Buffy was having some difficulty adjusting and he’s gonna take care of everything.” Tara tried to reassure her.

She only hoped that it was the truth. She and Willow had not been successful in finding out any clues as to what Buffy was, or what may have happened.

“Where is she?” Dawn asked, wiping her eyes, trying to compose herself.

Tara looked at Willow and gave her a look that asked ‘Should I tell her?’ Willow shrugged her shoulders sadly. She didn’t know if Buffy would want Dawn to see her or not. Tara sighed and looked back at Dawn.

“We aren’t sure. She’s safe though.” Tara said soothingly. “You’ll see her soon.”

Dawn looked at both of the girls and gave them a hard look. She knew they were lying or at least not telling her everything. She picked herself up and wiped her eyes once more.

“I’m going back to bed. Suddenly, I feel tired.” She said calmly.

She headed back up the stairs and ran into her room. She slammed the door and lay down on her bed and cried.

Willow broke down in tears once more and Tara went to hold her.

“How can we lie to her? She’s right, you know. It is my fault. Even she sees that.” Willow cried.

“Honey, it’s not your fault. Giles said he had some information. He’ll be here in a few hours.” Tara said softly.

Tara was growing tired. Suddenly she was the one taking on the role of comforter and trying to be the voice of reason. She had her own fears and doubts, but no one to share them with. Willow needed her to be strong, and Tara couldn’t afford to admit that she was scared.

She didn’t want Willow to know that she was afraid for Buffy and for her. Willow had performed a completely taboo spell. Bringing a person back from the dead was wrong, any way you looked at it. Tara knew there was going to be repercussions. Apparently the biggest one was that Buffy was no longer Buffy. At least not the one they used to know. She just prayed that Giles would have some good news.

Dawn pulled herself together and threw her clothes on. She needed to talk to someone. Someone who wouldn’t lie to her. She needed to see Spike. She hadn’t seen him in the last few days either. She wondered if he even knew what was going on. If he did, Dawn felt sure that he would tell her.

She pulled on her jacket and climbed out the window. She had gotten really good at sneaking out. Over the summer, she had done it almost every night. That was until Spike caught on to what she was doing.

He had been furious at her for being careless. He said he worried about her and that it was his job to keep her safe. She had tried to act annoyed but she felt her heart warm even more towards the blonde vampire. He was her friend and he cared about her.

After he knew she was sneaking out, he decided that he’d just tag along with her. He knew she’d do it anyway, so he figured at least he’d keep her safe. They used to take walks, sometimes to the lake just to look at stars.

She felt so close to him. It was as if he was the only one who really understood her. She felt out of place with Buffy’s friends and so did he. Neither one of them belonged there. Buffy was the common link that had held them both to the Scoobies. Without her around, Spike and Dawn had felt lost.

That’s when they found comfort in each other. Spike had told Dawn more than once that she was the only reason he was still walking this Earth. He had wanted to die himself after Buffy was gone. Dawn had kept him going, and for that she was grateful. She needed him too.

And today, she really needed him, she thought as she walked the familiar route to his crypt. She came to his door and gently eased it open, trying to be careful to not let too much sunlight pour into the room.

As she walked in, she saw Buffy and Spike sitting together watching TV. Dawn looked surprised at first and then a huge smile came over her face. Buffy stood up and couldn’t help but be thrilled by seeing Dawn. Thoughts of staying away from her melted away.

“Buffy! You’re okay!” Dawn shouted as she ran up to hug her.

“I’m okay. Dawn, what are you doing here?” Buffy asked concerned. She wondered if Willow had broken down and told her what was going on.

“I-I came to see Spike.” She said smiling at him. He smiled back. “I thought maybe he’d tell me where you were. But now I see you’ve been here all along haven’t you?”

“Dawn, listen. There are some things going on…” Buffy tried to explain, but Dawn cut her off.

“No. Don’t explain. I mean, I’m mad that you didn’t tell me, but it’s alright.” Dawn said happily.

“What?” Buffy said confused about what Dawn meant.

“You and Spike are together. I can see why you wouldn’t want the others to know, but you could have told me. I was so worried. I thought that you had died again or something, but now I know you guys just wanted to be alone.” Dawn said with a knowing smile.

Buffy looked at her and shook her head. Spike couldn’t help but be amused that Dawn thought they had holed themselves up so they could ‘get to know each other better’. He only wished that were the case.

“Dawnie, it’s not like that.” Buffy protested embarrassed at her sister’s assumption.

“You don’t have to lie to me, Buffy. It’s cool. I mean, you could have told me you guys were planning sexfest 2001…” Dawn said rolling her eyes.

Spike couldn’t help but laugh out loud at her comments. Buffy glared at him.

“This isn’t funny.” She said to him irritated. Then she turned to Dawn. “We are not having sex. That’s not why I’m here. Did Willow tell you anything?” Buffy asked her.

Dawn looked a little confused, and then shook her head.

“Not really. She just said you weren’t feeling like yourself and had to go away for a few days. Then I saw you here, all cozy with Spike, so I just figured…” Dawn explained.

“We were kinda cozy, weren’t we?” Spike said thoughtfully.

Buffy punched him on the arm.

“Shut up, Spike.” She said rolling her eyes.

“Hey, be nice. You are a guest in my home.” He said with a smirk.

“If you can call this a home.” She said glaring at him.

“You seem pretty comfortable here.” He told her with a smile.

“Ah! Will you just be quiet?” Buffy said exasperated.

“Well maybe if we were having sex, you wouldn’t be in such a bad mood all the time.” Spike muttered under his breath.

Buffy shot him a disgusted look.

“Spike, I swear—.” Buffy started but Dawn cut her off.

“Stop fighting. Geez, some things never change.” Dawn said rolling her eyes. Then she looked at Buffy. “Will you tell me what’s going on? If you guys aren’t, you know, getting it on, then why are you playing house with him?” She asked pointedly.

Buffy sighed and took Dawn’s hand.

“Sit down. It’s kind of a long story.” Buffy said, prepared to just tell Dawn the truth.

She had wanted to wait, but seeing Dawn again made it too hard to lie or to keep her in the dark. She needed to know the truth, whatever that was. She sat her down and started to explain the things that were happening.

When Buffy finished, Dawn sat there with a confused and slightly terrified look on her face. She wiped away a silent tear that had begun to run down her cheek. She looked at Buffy and shook her head.

“B-But you seem like Buffy. You seem the same. I don’t understand. How can you not be human?” Dawn said sadly.

“I don’t know Dawnie. I feel pretty much the same, most of the time, but this thing…Whatever it is, it’s inside me. I can’t control it yet.” Buffy explained.

“Are you evil? I-I mean, you’re not gonna kill me or anything, are you?” Dawn asked worried.

“No. I would never, ever hurt you. You are my sister, regardless of whatever this is.” Buffy assured her.

“Then why are you hiding out here? I-if you aren’t going to hurt me, then why are you here?” Dawn asked confused.

Buffy sighed.

“I just don’t want anything to happen. I mean, I don’t even know what I am. Something could happen, that I don’t want to happen. I told you, I can’t control this. I didn’t want to freak out and get fangy on you. I didn’t want to scare you.” Buffy explained.

“But you said it’s only happened when you’re fighting, right? It’s not like you’re plotting world destruction or anything. Maybe it’s just a new Slayer thing? New powers or something?” Dawn offered, trying to make sense of it all.

“Maybe. That’s what I need to find out.” Buffy said nodding her head. “But we do know that I’m not entirely human anymore. That’s the part that worries me the most.” Buffy said sadly.

“Well, that doesn’t matter. Not to me anyway. I-I’m not human either. Not entirely. And neither is Spike, and we’re okay. Right Spike?” Dawn said looking over at him.

“Right. Being human is vastly overrated. Doesn’t matter to me.” He said shrugging.

Buffy looked at them incredulously, then she couldn’t help but smile. Dawn was taking this far better than she expected.

“Okay, you guys are crazy.” She said, shaking her head. “Dawn, are you sure this isn’t majorly freaking you out?” She said curiously.

“No Buffy. I-I mean, it’s strange and kinda creepy, but it doesn’t matter to me. You’re still Buffy, even if you aren’t exactly the same as before.” Dawn explained.

Then she started to giggle. Buffy and Spike looked at her strangely.

“What’s funny?” Buffy asked her.

“Nothing. It’s just this whole thing. I mean, how weird are we? The three of us, I mean.” Dawn said laughing.

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked.

“Well, it’s just we’re all freaks. None of us knows exactly what we are.” Dawn explained.

“Hey, I know what I am.” Spike chimed in.

“No you don’t, Spike. Sure, you’re a vampire, but you can’t hurt anyone. Plus, you’re all trying to be good despite the fact that you don’t have a soul. I mean, come on? What kind of vampire is that?” Dawn said matter of factly.

“A strange one.” Buffy said giving him a look. He made a face at her.

“And me.” Dawn continued. “I may look like your average fifteen year old, but I’m not even real. I’m a blob of green energy. And I don’t even know where I came from or what powers I have. People would kill just to destroy me or use me. And now you, Buffy. We don’t know what you are anymore either. We are like the freak family.” Dawn said shrugging.

“We aren’t freaks.” Buffy protested, and then she caught the rest of Dawn’s statement. “Wait, you think we’re family? I-I mean, Spike isn’t family.” Buffy protested.

“To me he is.” Dawn said seriously.

“Dawn, Spike is not family. He’s just, well, Spike.” Buffy said feeling a little put off that Dawn included him in their ‘freak family’.

“Buffy, who do you think took over your role when you were gone? Who took care of me and made sure I didn’t get into trouble?” Dawn asked pointedly.

“Willow and Tara. Plus the rest of the gang. Giles…” Buffy began to rationalize.

“No. I mean, they were there. But they were so wrapped up in their own lives. I was just an afterthought. Spike was the only one who really cared.” Dawn said seriously.

Buffy looked at Spike who seemed almost touched by Dawn’s words.

“You told me to keep her safe, so that’s what I did.” He said quietly to Buffy.

Buffy absorbed his words and Dawn’s obvious affection for the vampire. She was a little thrown. She knew that he’d been there for Dawn, but she honestly hadn’t realized how close they had become. Dawn noticed the confused look on Buffy’s face and decided to change the subject.

“Look, it doesn’t matter what we are Buffy. I still love you, and we’ll figure this out together. Right?” Dawn said.

Buffy smiled at her sister and gave her a hug.

“Dawnie, you are so important to me. You know that. I was just afraid of what you would think of me when you found out I was a little ‘changed’. I should have known it didn’t matter.” Buffy said relieved that Dawn hadn’t flipped out at her news.

“Nope. But if you feel like eating me or something, let me know.” Dawn said jokingly.

“Promise.” Buffy said with a smile.

She couldn’t believe they were sitting here joking like this about something so incredibly serious. But Buffy couldn’t deny that she felt better somehow.

“I better get back to the house. Will and Tara are probably freaking right now. I sorta had to sneak out.” Dawn said sheepishly.

“Dawn.” Buffy said sternly.

“I only did it because they wouldn’t tell me what was going on. I just wanted to see Spike. Besides, it’s daytime. The creepy crawlies are all playing indoor games right now.” Dawn said rolling her eyes.

“Fine, just be careful. Giles should be there soon, and then I’m gonna head home. I talked to Willow yesterday while you were at school. She said that he may have some info.” Buffy told her.

“Are you gonna come home for good, Buffy?” Dawn asked imploringly.

“Yeah. Since I’ve managed not to kill Spike in the last three days, I think I’m safe around people I actually like.” She said smirking at him.

He rolled his eyes at her and sighed.

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you soon right?” Dawn asked.

“I’ll be there soon.” Buffy said giving Dawn another quick hug.

“Bye Spike.” Dawn said giving him a smile.

She knew he must have been dying having Buffy staying with him. She silently wondered if there was something going on. She’d have to press Spike for the details later. Buffy would never give her any of the good information.

After Dawn left, Buffy turned to Spike. She looked at him curiously. He noticed her look and questioned her with his eyes.

“What?” He asked her.

“Nothing. It’s just, I hadn’t realized how close you and Dawn had gotten. I mean, she really surprised me with that family stuff.” Buffy said shaking her head.

“Well, we are close. She’s a good kid.” He said shrugging. “When you were gone, we both felt a little lost, you know?” He said uncomfortably.

“Yeah. I guess.” She said skeptically.

“Look, I promised you I’d look out for her. I failed miserably the first time, so I was just trying to do right. She felt responsible for your death. And she wasn’t alone.” He said softly.

“She felt responsible?” Buffy asked feeling guilty.

“We both did. Hell, we spent quite a lot of time arguing over who was more at fault. Her or me.” He said, moving away from her nervously.

He hadn’t really shared his guilty conscience with her yet. He preferred to keep some things to himself.

“I don’t get it. Why would you feel responsible?” She asked unsure.

“Well, it was my fault that Dawn got cut. I tried to save her, but I failed. That was the reason you had to jump. Because I failed.” He said, feeling the intense emotion wash over him again. He hadn’t allowed himself to think of this since she’d been back.

She looked at him and her face softened. She couldn’t believe that he had actually blamed himself for what she had done. It was all a little unreal.

“Spike, it wasn’t your fault. You tried. We all tried. None of us could have stopped it.” She said touching his arm.

She suddenly felt bad for him. She had no idea that he had felt this way.

“You asked me to do one simple thing, and that was protect your sister. I thought, ‘Hey, great.’ This is my chance to save the day. Pretend I’m a hero. But I screwed it up. The one time in my miserable existence that something really mattered, and I screwed it up.” He said bitterly.

She saw the emotion on his face and she suddenly wanted to reach out and comfort him, the way he had been doing for her the last few days. She wondered if he’d let her. She cautiously reached out and touched his face. He looked at her with watery eyes.

“Spike, don’t blame yourself for this. I did this, not you. It was my choice. It wasn’t Dawn’s fault for being the Key, and it wasn’t your fault the ritual started.” She said softly. Then she added with a smile, “I blame you for a lot of things, but this isn’t one of them.”

He felt himself smile at her last remark. She always had to say something sarcastic, but he knew she was being sincere about the rest of it. It was more kindness than he felt he deserved from her.

“You sure you don’t blame me for this? I mean, you might as well add it to your list.” He said with a small smile.

“No. I really don’t. I don’t blame anyone. Not even myself. What I did? I’d do it again in a second. I don’t regret it. It had to happen that way.” She said reassuring him.

“I’m still sorry.” He said softly.

He’d never actually said the words to her, and it felt a little foreign to him. But he did feel sorry. He wasn’t supposed to feel guilty about anything. He was a demon. Soulless and unfeeling, right? Sometimes he still wished that were true, but it wasn’t. Dawn was right. He didn’t know what he was anymore.

TBC…

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