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Disclaimer:
The following scenerios are completley fictious. Please remember that these are for entertainment purposes only. I don’t mean any harm towards the Kids in the Hall members. I will be more than happy to remove these fan writings from my site immediatley if any offence is taken. Copyright 2000 Kristen Jacobus

David Foley
What he loves=strawberry shortcake
What would kill him=roasted duck

Picking Strawberries

Starring: Dave and Me

Dave: What are you picking strawberries for?
Me: Oh, I’m just making some strawberry shortcake that’s all
Dave: Oh, Wow! I love strawberry shortcake. Can I have some when I’m done, huh, huh can I?
Me: Only if you promise not to make friends with it first
Dave: Well, duh, like I’d do that. So tell me when it’s ready, I’m going to go get my tea set so we can go play with the dolls later.

Dead People Do Get Scared

Setting: Dave sitting on a rock in the middle of a meadow

Dave: It’s so tranquil here. Nobody’s around. Finaly some peace and quiet
Mark: (sneaks up behind Dave) BOO!
Dave: Ahhhhh! What the heck? (jumps up)
Mark: Damn, I guess I owe you Scott.
Dave: Owe him what?
Mark: I said that dead people do not get scared, but he insisted that I go sneak up and scare you and prove it, so I guess he was right.
Dave: Well, I’m not dead so you don’t owe him anything
Kevin: Really? I think you’re in denial buddy. I mean, what kind of idiot doesn’t know when he’s dead?
Dave: (Goes up to Kevin and gets in his face) This kind of idiot! The kind of idiot that’s going to pinch you in the eye if you don’t shut up.
Kevin: Dave is dead. He’s got a big head, What’s that? Oh I know it. He’s DEEAAD
Dave: Okay that’s it. (tries to pinch Kevin but discovers..) Oh my God! Where are my fingers? They are all chopped off. Why are my fingers chopped off?
Mark: They aren’t chopped off, they’re bitten off.
Dave: Bitten off?
Mark: Yeah, when you went to kill the duck, remember? He bit off your fingers and you bled to death.
Dave: What a horrible way to die. Now it does kind of make sense. I haven’t eaten since yesterday and I feel fine. Except there’s this tickle in my throat.
Scott: (patting him on the back) cough it up
Dave: (looks in amazment as a white feather comes out of his mouth and floats up towards the sky.)

The End