Have you ever felt alone while in a crowd?

That is how I feel as I pass through the mass of people that walk the streets of New York. It is a strange sensation, that can be terrifying at times, and a welcome distraction at others. I walk aimlessly, passing street signs with names that are completely foreign to me. Which, of course, they are. I am not from around here as some might say. From what I have seen, not many people are from around here. New York is a host, and we are the parasites that infect it. No I am from a far more distant land. A place that holds true magic and not the falseness of this city. I don’t even know where I really am in relation to where I was. All I know is that I am tethered here by one thing, and at this very moment, I could not feel farther apart from her even if I was home.

For this is not my home. My home is filled with natural beauty, with people and places that are an adventure all to themselves. That is not to say that I hate it here, if I hated it that much I would probably not be here. New York has, and will likely always be, an obstacle to me. I was once told that New York was a concrete jungle. Few people understand how much this place feels like that to me. A wonderful myriad of new experiences but also of a deep loneliness that stalks the shadows of the tall buildings that dot this land.

I am here for one simple reason, for one extraordinary person who means so much to me that I remain here even though it feels that this place is choking the life out of me. Virginia is my everything. She is my entire world wrapped up in a bundle of love and affection. She is as I walk aimlessly through the streets of this vast city, working to pay for my living. And it hurts so very much that I am of no help to her and to our child. All I can do is wander this city and wait for her to return to our tiny home and I can cook her a meal of what simple foods we can afford.

Before I would sit at home and read. I read books on every aspect of this world. The more I read the more I came to realise that I could not live my life here without it being a constant struggle. I need open space. Wild forests that stretch for miles and miles. Real food and people I understand. I grew up in lands much different, and as much as I try to adapt to this place, I feel completely out of place here. The only person I really know is Virginia. Sure, I meet people regularly who I am friendly with, but no one who can be described as a real friend.

What hurts most, I can sense Virginia’s growing unhappiness here. Her worries for the future, for us and our child. While she never speaks it aloud, I understand her more than she expects. Virginia has a strength that constantly continues to amaze me. But I see her frailty. She is very fragile and I someday the weight that she carries will break her and I will be unable to help. I am completely useless in this land. I cannot work, I know nobody, and I hate this place.

Men and women pass me in immaculate suits, probably going to some office job where they get paid for sitting around all day. Their eyes look through me. To them I am an obstacle in the path to more money. They think that they are better than me, and in this place, they are. Secretly I envy these people. They understand the ways of this world in more ways than I can ever pretend to. I wonder how Anthony is! Here I am, a stranger in his land while he is one in mine. I wonder how he is adapting to my world! Most likely, a lot better than I am to his.

I stop at a window. It has fine jewellery in its windows. I think back to the time in Kissing Town when I brought Virginia her singing ring. That was possibly one of the best and worst times of my life. Happiness replaced with pain. Things turned out fine then, I hope history repeats itself. Now, as I look at the beautiful gems and gold, I feel a deep sadness that I can no longer get Virginia these things. I rummage in my jacket pocket and pull out a few notes of money. It took me a while to understand the money system here but I think I finally have it. It’s not much, part of Virginia’s wages that is not eaten up by our rent.

Is it much of a gift if it is her own money that pays for it! Soon after we came here I brought her a bunch of flowers. Not much, but her smile was replaced by the realisation that it was her wages that paid for it. She said nothing but I could see her eyes change for joy to worry. Those flowers still sit in the jar they were put in, rotten and decaying. Yet Virginia does not move them or throw them out. She does not waste anything, though I can see no use for some old flowers. Since then I have brought her nothing, and today will be no different.

I see the food store at the far end of this road. I place the money back in my pocket and pull my gaze from the jewels, resuming my aimless walk. Some time between now and when Virginia should be home, I will get something for dinner. Food here is apparently not very cheap and I scour the markets for bargains that might at least make me useful. If this was back in my land I would have not trouble finding food. I am especially equipped for that task. Here my skills are useless, only adding to my general depressive state. When I return home from shopping for dinner, I clean our sparse home. A couch that doubles as our bed is the centrepiece of our home. A tiny kitchen with a horrid cooker and a mouldy refrigerator that makes large amounts of noise.

When we first began to live there we thought it was only temporary. That was five months ago. I had hoped to be of some use, maybe even getting a job of my own. But there is none for someone like me, an illegal immigrant. Virginia explained to me this term which, at first, she found to be humorous. Now it is an obstacle, one that I see no way of overcoming. It scares me to think that Virginia may be angry with me as a result of my unemployment. Since we came here I have been nothing but an annoyance and it is beginning to worry me that Virginia would be better off without me. But as long as I can be of some help to her and our child, I will remain.

Now I begin to think of our child. Still yet to be born, and even now I worry for its future. I had always hoped to find the woman of my dreams and to have a family with her. I thought that dream had be fulfilled when I met Virginia but I have begun to doubt whether this is really a dream that can live in happiness. I thought that after all our hardships we would be able to live our lives happily ever after. Now I think that life is not a fairytale, but a struggle. I gave Virginia my word I would remain faithful for life. A wolf mates for life, though what is to stop Virginia from breaking that bond if she no longer loves me?

I need to get her away from this place. We need to return to our real home, where our friends and family are. New York is a lonely place that can only drive us further apart. However, I cannot not ask Virginia to leave this place if she does not want to. As much as I despise this horrible land, I will obey her wish. That is not to say that I do not try and get her to realise the benefits of home, I subtly try and show her the strain this place is putting on our relationship. Then guilt takes over and I no longer have the heart to show her how miserable I really am.

I would do anything for Virginia, even live in this terrible society that I have no place in. When I see her come in from work, I see the tiredness in her eyes, the strain of her workload on her worn face. I also see the growing bulge that is our child and I feel utterly helpless and invalid. I want to be that knight in shining armour that will come and rescue her from this terrible life. I want to bring her home, to her true home where we can build a proper home for our family. A home amongst the beauty of my birthland, a place that is safe and where we can both work side by side. I just know that life has to be better than this is.

As if to make things worse a slight rain has begun to descend upon the crowds of New Yorkers who are travelling to their jobs. As the crowd begins to cover themselves with umbrellas, it appears as if a flower has spread its petals to the sun. I think about how Virginia may even still been on her way to her job. I hope she does not get wet. As for me, I have no fear of mere rain. I hardly notice its touch, but it does add an eerie haze to the cityscape. The entire city seems to have become blanketed in a light fog that seems to surprise the rest of the inhabitants. In all my time here in this city I have not seen its like, I suspect that those living longer would be accustomed to this weather effect. Their stunned reactions seem to indicate that it is not. It’s a pity as I find that weather of all sorts can be an immensely beautiful experience. The pureness of a mountain after a fresh snowfall. The strong wind in spring among the cherry blossoms, the small leaves blowing around like a fragrant snowstorm. Rain soak streets looking pristine, shimmering in the spring sunlight.

I take a moment to gaze up at the sky and can actually see the sun blazing down upon us through the light fog. I wish deeply that Virginia was here to experience this with me, I’m sure she would appreciate the beauty of such a diverse weather event. All it does for me is make me even more homesick, yearning further for Virginia’s company. As I stand among the torrent of pedestrians I feel like a pebble facing upstream. Faceless people pass me ignoring my presence, even as an annoyance. I begin to make my way further up the crowd simply for the sake of having some motion.

That is when I bump into something small and soft. At first I am unable to locate the object but I soon discover a small girl lying on the ground. She is smiling up at me and giggles. I help her up and she runs back into the depths of the crowd. Before she disappears into the crowd I call to her but she does not respond. I look down on the spot where she fell and I am surprised to discover a small locket. I pick it up gently and turn quickly to pursue the girl into the crowd. But it is futile, the crowd consumes us both and were are lost. I can do nothing but stare at the spot where she fell and am overwhelmed with a sense of melancholy.

I give up my pursuit and stop beneath the cover of a shop window. I gaze at the small locket cradled in my palm with a bemused feeling. It seems so abnormal to hold an item that belongs to someone else whilst also experiencing an inexplicable connection to it. It is small and made of silver that is slightly cold to the touch. I run my thumb over its surface noticing intricate lines etched into brilliant flowery designs. I unconsciously start to open the locket, its small latch dwarfed by my large fingers. At last I manage to open it, swinging the cover open to my utter astonishment. Inside this tiny locket is a likeness of me to the left and a portrait of Virginia to the right. I close it again, holding it by its chain for a moment, watching it dangle in front of my eyes. It can’t be! It’s an illusion! I resolve to open it again and discover the same two images of myself and Virginia.

This is truly amazing! I have no discernible reason that can explain this, yet I cannot help smiling. I look in the direction I last saw the young girl running and I laugh. Inside the locket I see the words, To Virginia, Yours Always, Wolf. It is etched in a clockwise motion around the band surround my likeness. They are indeed most captivating. I can see the people in the pictures and I know them to be myself and Virginia. But I cannot explain this locket and the means in which I came about discovering it.

I spend the next hour gazing at this amazing locket as I try and fathom its existence. All I can come up with is a miracle, a consequence of fate and destiny. I would have remained under the window had the rain not ceased and the light fog disappeared. All is normal again, and yet things are quite different. I place the locket carefully into my breast pocket and resume my walk. Then in a moment of complete clarity I realise that tonight is the night I will ask Virginia to come home with me. This locket belongs to her and its words mean more than I had ever realised. I am as much a part in this relationship as Virginia is. We will live in misery and pain for as long as we continue to hide our true feelings from each other. I have been eaten up by doubts and guilts for wanting to return home. I can no longer continue this, as in the end both of us will end up being hurt. I would do my utmost never to cause Virginia distress but my heart tells me to speak my mind.

I pass into a shop and spend all of what little money I have on the finest meal we have had since we came to live here. If I believe what my heart is saying, then Virginia wants to leave as much as I do. I had never realised that she may be blinded by pride not to give up and leave this place. I must allow her to retain that pride by giving her what is essentially an escape route. I must allow Virginia to retain her dignity in a situation that could end in bitterness for us both.

I make sure I have just enough left to buy one more little item, a small but dignified bunch of flowers. The first day we came here I brought her flowers, I trust that today will be our last. It is midday and I am already returning to our apartment, but I have much to do and prepare. No matter what happens tonight I will stay with Virginia, always. Yet amongst these people I am simply just a wolf in the fold. Hiding among them, never joining them. Mine and the destiny of my family, lie in the lands of the Nine Kingdoms. But there is one thing I have learned in my time here, that magic exists everywhere, even here in the city of New York.