When it started I wanted nothing more than to return to my normal, if boring, existence. I was satisfied with my life, with my dreams, and with my hopes. Now, however, I can't define my existence in terms of the world I was born in, because that isn't my only world anymore. I'm living between two worlds, a dual existence that defies definition.

The only constant through this has been my father, Tony. That's not to say he hasn't changed, but change can be good; for once it is something I can live with. He was there for me. Not just lately either, for my whole life he has been there for me, even when I thought I didn't need him. Now that he's a world away, I miss him. I love him, and am happy for him. He is living the kind of life he always wanted, with the respect he always longed for. But I still keep looking for him around the corner or in the living room. I guess I'll always miss him.

For most of my life I believed in my mother, even though she left me. I believed she still loved me, still wanted me, would still come back for me. Now I don't know if I can live with who she was and what I did...if I can live with the love I still feel for her. But that is a story for when you're older.

Once upon a time I wished for a good man in my life, one that I could love and trust. Now I have one who is so devoted to me, I'm scared. He scares me because he loves me so, because he is what he is. And he is Wolf, he is not all human, he is my other half. And that scares me the most. I love this man from another world, this man who is more and less human than anyone I have ever know. I don't want to scare you. He has more capacity to love than any ten humans I've ever known. I love him like an addiction, and I guess that's what really scares me.

Sometimes I can shut my eyes and lean back in my dad's old chair and the fantastical adventure seems like a dream that couldn't have really happened. But then I open my eyes and my Wolf smiles at me, and I know, that the adventure I never thought would come has just begun. My life started a few short weeks ago. And despite the fear, the uncertainty, the pain, I am more ready for this than I could have possibly imagined. I just ran my first mile on the Yellow Brick Road and I am happy.

Love,
Mom