Author's note: I do not own any of these characters, particularly Julia Child, who owns herself. No disrespect to her is intended. Nor do I own the story idea, which was invented by Donna and expanded by Heather, in posts 4 & 5 of the "Making it in the 10th Kingdom" thread of the About.com 10K forum.
Wolf didn't know if he should be excited or nervous, so he decided to be both. He knew what a cooking show was; he certainly watched enough of them. And he knew who Julia Child was; he'd read enough of her books. So that part was exciting.
But he didn't know that being on a cooking show with her was going to involve being told what to wear and being shoved in a chair while somebody put makeup on him. He was a guy, guys didn't wear makeup! Well, not unless you were one of those women who smelled like men who hung out on the street corners Virginia wouldn't let him investigate. The makeup felt funny and it smelled bad. And every time he put his hand up to scratch his face, people fussed at him and told him not to smear it.
People were fussing at him a lot, and his head was ringing with all their advice, mixed with the orders Virginia had impressed upon him all the way to the studio. Don't smear the makeup. Look into the camera with the red light on it. Only make the pre-approved recipes. Remember to mention measurements, don't just throw stuff into a pot. Don't go on and on about how fun food was to eat. Don't nibble the raw meat. Better yet, don't eat anything! Keep your tail tucked. Don't call yourself a wolf. Don't mention magic. Don't growl, howl, yip, yowl, or whine. Don't sing about shepherdesses.
Huff, puff, it was a lot to remember! He was still trying to be sure that he had it all straight when a voice said, "And special guest, Warren Wolfson, star chef of the Grill on the Green." Someone in a headset pointed at him, and somebody else shoved him in the back. Wolf took a deep breath, bounded out, found the camera with the red light, and gave it his most charming grin. Then he turned to his companion, sweeping into a bow and capturing Julia Child's hand for a kiss.
Really, it was easy. He just smiled at her, agreed with everything she said, nodded while she told him how to devil a rabbit, and taught her how to make his rabbit stew. Wolf was starting to relax and enjoy himself when Ms. Child announced "And now, Warren and I will tell you how to pick a good rabbit," and suddenly there was a cage full of live rabbits being wheeled out.
Oooooohhhhhh, NO! It was the wrong time of the month to do this to him!
Wolf swallowed hard, twice. The first time was sheer nerves; the second time because his mouth was suddenly full of drool. He wouldn't look at them, he wouldn't! He shot an anguished glance at Virginia as she stood behind the cameras. She looked as upset as he was. He wished she was closer, so he could smell her. That would keep him from doing something he shouldn't on TV. On the other hand, he knew what he wanted to do whenever he caught her scent, and he knew he couldn't do THAT on TV!
He was better off with the rabbits. The little trollops were looking at him, wiggling their pink noses provocatively. Julia Child was saying something to him, but he couldn't concentrate on her. No, he was a man, not a wolf! He would be strong! Wolf yanked his eyes away from the cage and focused with all his strength on his fellow cook. Nothing but her. She was safe. She was too old to eat. Maybe he could pull this off yet.
"I'm so terribly sorry, I was distracted. What did you say, Ms. Child?"
"That the signs of a young, tender rabbit are soft fur, clear eyes, and strong claws." She fumbled with the catch on the cage. Before Wolf could step back, she had fished out a rabbit and was holding it in front of him. "What do you think of this one?"
"I like seeing someone who isn't afraid of getting a good look at their next meal while it's still alive," Ms. Child remarked. "So many people just see meat as something that is delivered to the market."
"Oh, believe me, I fully appreciate animals," Wolf told her. "I love them. Love to watch 'em, chase 'em, hunt 'em, catch 'em, eat 'em right up!" He was about to say more, but Virginia was making that funny noise again. He straightened up, started to paw his eyebrow, realized where he was, and smoothed back his hair instead. He could do this. He could behave. He could be a man. Surely nobody noticed that teensy little lapse?
Julia Child certainly seemed calm enough, as she tried to put the rabbit away. But it didn't want to go back in the cage. Before she could shove it through the opening, it kicked and struggled, and then was loose, bouncing invitingly, flirtingly even, as it hopped away.
"Cut! Get it!" the director yelled.
Wolf grabbed a cleaver. "Haussenpfeffer, coming right up!"
Virginia was sulking. He could tell by the set of her shoulders as she stared moodily out of the limousine's windows.
"I thought it went well," he said tentatively. "They said they'd always remember my guest spot."
She didn't turn around. "You butchered that bunny!"
"Ms. Child said the part where I skinned it was very educational and they would use the footage."
"You sang the shepherdess song."
"Not all the way through. And not at all on the second take." Wolf worked around so he could look up into her face. He gave her puppy eyes and whimpered. She could never resist puppy eyes and whimpering.
Including now. Virginia cringed, then peeked at him, then sighed and patted his head. "You're right. They loved you. You didn't slip up too badly. It's good publicity for the Grill."
Wolf shot up and tried to kiss her, but she pushed him away. "Then what is it, my creamy, dreamy love?"
"I saw what you ate when you thought nobody was looking, entrail-breath! I am NOT kissing you until you brush your teeth!"
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