A.N.D. - Wolf Woods

Queen Red Riding Hood hummed a little tune as she swept through the dark, dusty halls of her palace. There was nothing like a trip to another kingdom to appreciate how orderly and advanced everything was here in the Second Kingdom. Oh, there was that minor wolf problem, but she was working on it; the taming programs were going very nicely. She even open-mindedly allowed a few of the best-behaved animals to be among her servants at court, to open doors or scrub floors or clean privies-the sorts of jobs a human shouldn’t have to do. Every now and then she would see one scampering around in the distance. They looked very cute in their little locked collars. The silver clashed with their red livery, but that was just the way things had to be. Tame wolves simply had to wear collars.

Otherwise, someone might mistake them for people.

Things were just getting back to normal after that disastrous coronation. What a nightmare! She’d been so proud to be picked by the Kingdom Council to ask one of the ritual questions. It was the first time she was so honored, and for a throne as powerful as the Fourth Kingdom! All right, it was only because she was also a grandchild of one of The Five Women Who Changed History, but if she had done well, she would have great power as someone who could say yea or nay to a coronation. The most important ceremony of her life and what did she do? She passed a dog! A dog! Disgusting creatures, dogs-nothing but wolves with prettier coats. Her only consolation was that Cinderella, that supposedly great woman, had also fallen for the ruse and she had known Wendell all his life!

Still, it had been a humiliating episode, and she was very glad to know that now she was home she wouldn’t have to hear anything more about the Fourth Kingdom! There was a smile on her lips as she swept into her Council Chambers.

“You wished to see me, Lord Chancellor?”

“Yes, my Liege Lady,” the old man said, bowing low with a creak and coming up with a message bordered in blue and white. “It’s about the Fourth Kingdom.”

Red felt her smile freeze.

“What about it?” she asked through clenched teeth.

“King Wendell’s first act was to reward the people who helped him defeat the evil queen. He gave them medals and presents.”

Now why was her Chancellor so nervous? Any royal would have done the same. “Yes?” she prompted when the man took out a handkerchief to dab at his temples.

“My-my lady... one of the rescuers was a wolf! Apparently he was the one passing out the goblets of dusted wine for the toast.”

A wolf? He’d been a wolf?! Now here was an example of why wolves should be collared. She’d let that nasty, dirty animal serve her! He... it... had touched a cup she drank from! UGH! Under the disgust was a thread of disquiet. She’d been rather attracted to him... it... no, not that way, thank all Fairy Godmothers, but as a decorative footman. It had been handsome, in a rather unshaven way, and tall enough. She’d thought of making a job offer.

“How embarrassing for King Wendell,” she said icily, “to have to be beholden to an animal. What did he give it? A nice juicy bone? The run of his castle maidens?”

“A p-p-p-pardon.”

“Well, I’m sure a wolf will need one. There’s a shoot-on-sight law in that kingdom, isn’t there? It would need to be pardoned for daring to set foot in his castle at all.”

Rivers of sweat ran down her Chancellor’s face, following the lines of age. “It-it-it was a general pardon. For all wolves, your Majesty. King Wendell has declared the entire species as heroes.”

Only years of standing on her dignity kept her standing now as her rebellious knees threatened to buckle. All wolves given a blanket pardon? “Has he gone mad? Are they sure that’s the real Wendell after all and not another puppet of the queen’s? Does he think he knows what wolves are really like?”

The awful news delivered, the Chancellor was beginning to relax, although he would never do anything as unseemly as slumping or sighing. “He must think of that particular animal as some sort of pet. Certainly he was most foolish to take such a drastic step without consulting you. Everyone knows that you know best about wolves.”

“Yes. I do. And I know that this will cause trouble the moment our wolves hear of it.” She gnawed a lip for a moment, not even thinking of the damage it would do to her perfect lipstick. “I will not have the mistaken impulses of a wet-behind-the-ears king ruin all the work I have been doing ever since I took the throne five years ago.” Her skirts swished as she paced before her throne. “For three generations the Reds have been trying to eliminate the wolf threat, and what we have accomplished has been through a strict program of punishments for infractions.” She came to a halt in front of the Chancellor, who was watching instead of walking back and forth beside her, poking a finger in his face. “I was the one who instituted the reward system that runs alongside it, and look at how far I have come! Up to ten percent of known wolves take the collar and renounce their wicked ways-that’s double my mother’s five percent!”

“Yes, your Majesty. The projections say that you can get up to twelve percent in another three years.”

“But not if the wolves think they can’t be punished! Wendell has no idea how much he has ruined!” She swished off again, only to grind to a halt as inspiration struck. “I can’t change what he has done, but I don’t have to live with the results. I shall draft a proclamation of my own. Have it spread throughout the Second Kingdom. All wolves, part-wolves, and wolf-lovers have until the next full moon to either take the collar or leave this kingdom forever.” She glared at her madly scribbling Chancellor. “If Wendell thinks wolves are so wonderful, he can have them all!”