Debbie Banna - Shattered Dreams, New Beginnings

The day dawned clear and bright, a contradiction to the deep, dark sadness that Rose felt inside. She had been able to sleep only a little the night before and was facing the prospect of this day with ever-increasing dread. Already, the preparations were complete for the day of mourning for her sister-in-law, Virginia. People had begun gathering in the courtyard already, arriving from all of the nine kingdoms, and the morning meal had been served and cleared away. All that was left was for she and Wendell to present themselves before the people to thank them for coming and to welcome them to the ceremony. With a heavy heart, Rose opened the door connecting her dressing room with her husband’s. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” she sighed as he turned to greet her with a face mirrored the look she supposed she was giving him. “Is it time?”

“I suppose it is. There’s been no sign of Wolf or Tony. The horsemen were told to keep watch for them as they rode throughout the kingdoms but it’s as though they’ve disappeared. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they’d traveled to another world. Actually, I’ve been wondering if maybe Tony did return to his world although, when I checked his room, the mirror had not been turned on.” Wendell sighed. “I guess this is up to us to do, isn’t it?” Rose nodded sadly. “Well then, let’s begin.”

The two walked arm in arm down the staircase where Lord Rupert and the queen’s handmaidens attended to them. The royal crown, placed carefully atop her head, never felt so heavy as at this moment when Rose almost wished she were back in the forest, anonymous and simply Rose. How difficult it was to remain composed when your heart ached so and your tears longed for release. It was a task for which she had long been prepared in her life of sorrow and suffering but one that she performed today with heaviness of spirit. She looked forward to the end of this day when the ceremonies were over and she could at last retreat to the security and warmth of her husband’s arms for a good, heartrending cry.

Wolf’s stomach rumbled and he growled in response. The smell of fresh cooked bacon was drifting into his room from somewhere beyond the door. “Traitor,” he muttered to himself as his belly gnawed at him again. He tried to pull the covers over his head to block out the tantalizing smell but it drifted beneath them and tickled his nostrils once more. With a roar of frustration, Wolf threw back the covers and, finding he was still dressed, he leaped from the bed. “How could you?” he reprimanded himself as he grabbed for his socks and shoes at the foot of the bed and, out of habit, yanked them on. Frustrated with himself but tempted none the less, Wolf carefully opened the door and followed the smell of food into a small but cozy kitchen beyond. There on the table before his hungry eyes lay a platter heaped with bacon, a large dish of fried ham steak, and a pitcher of fresh goat’s milk. With a frustrated groan, Wolf dropped onto a stool by the table and grabbed a handful of bacon. “Oh, what are you doing?” he moaned. “What kind of husband are you to be eating at a time like this? Traitor!” he yelled again, glancing at his still gnawing stomach. With a free hand he grabbed at a piece of ham and was about to stuff it in his mouth when a sweet voice interrupted him.

“Good morning! So you’re awake?“ Wolf whirled around in his seat. There before him stood the beautiful woman who’d been with him in the room the day before. She smiled at him, and he dropped the ham to the table with embarrassment at having been caught ‘wolfing down’ his food. “Oh, don’t let me stop you from eating. You must be starved. You’ve been with us for two days without food. And goodness knows how long it had been before we found you.”

“Oh, no!!” Wolf whined. “Stop me. Please stop me! Take it away! I can’t eat. I shouldn’t eat! You’re tempting me!” He turned back to the table and dropped his head onto his arms, hiding his face from the sight of bacon and ham.

“My goodness, why should I stop you? Eat all you like. The master has already eaten his fill and I’ve had my breakfast hours ago.”

“No. You don’t understand! I don’t want to eat! Well, I do but I don’t really,” he shouted into his arms. “Please don’t let me be bad!”

“My dear confused man, what ever is the matter? There is nothing wrong with eating food offered to you by your hosts. I believe there must be something else bothering you. I couldn’t help hear you speak as I was entering. What do you mean by saying that you’re a traitor? A traitor to whom?”

“OOOOH. To myself. To my…my…Virginia. I’m sooo bad!”

“Virginia? Is that your wife? Are you married?” she questioned gently.

“Yes. No. Oh…It was but not any more,” Wolf whined, his head still buried in his arms.

At this admission, the woman drew nearer and placed her hand gently on Wolf’s back. “Ah. That is why there is so much pain in you. What happened to your wife? Would you like to tell me?” she encouraged.

“She’s gone. Dead,” Wolf spoke hollowly, realizing that he must face this horribly reality that had befallen him. “I let her die. I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. And now, I don’t want to live.”

“Yes. I see. It is painful to lose those whom you love. I too have faced loss and I bear the guilt of my own mistakes. Sometimes when we make a choice to do what is needed, it ends in a way we do not expect.” The sorrow in her voice prompted Wolf to lift his head and turn to look at her. She stood very near him but her face held a far away look.

“I’m sorry. I see that you too are in pain,” he spoke softly. Realizing she was being watched, she smiled a wistful smile and moved to sit across from him on the other side of the table. She poured herself a glass of milk and then, without asking, poured one for Wolf. Then she filled a plate with bacon and ham for each of them. This done, she began to speak again.

“Yes. I do understand pain. The pain I carry is still fresh and I fear it may never go away. If you would like, I am willing to share my story with you.” Wolf nodded but remained silent. “This is not my home yet it is where I live. I made the choice to stay in this place and it cost me the life of my father and mother. You see my father was a woodcutter in the forest in the Fourth Kingdom. But as times got hard and my little brothers got hungrier, my father had to travel farther into the forest to find the right trees to be cut. There is a law in the Fourth Kingdom that trees too old or too young may not be destroyed and so he had to search carefully for just the right ones.

“One day, not realizing that he had strayed out of the Fourth Kingdom and into the Eighth, Father was cutting a tree when he heard a fierce growling sound. He turned and behind him stood a huge, hairy beast. Father dropped his ax in fright and the beast grabbed him by the throat. “What are you doing cutting down my trees?’ he demanded to know. Father tried to explain that it was a mistake and he didn’t know they belonged to someone. But the beast was angry that someone had invaded his privacy and demanded payment for the trees. Father knew he was in trouble for he had nothing to give him but his ax. The beast, as he had suspected, was not interested in that and so he took Father back to this house as his prisoner. It was many months and we did not hear from him. All of the family were worried about him, Mother most of all. She loved Father dearly and was devastated at not knowing what had happened to him.”

As she spoke, Wolf found himself involved in her tale. He absentmindedly reached for a piece of ham and nibbled on it while listening. The woman glanced at him, stifled a smile, and continued on with her story.

“One day when I was helping Mother hang out the wash, we saw someone approaching. Mother recognized his walk immediately and she ran to Father, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him. After we had settled Father into a chair and given him food, we questioned him as to what had happened. He related to us the story of his life as a prisoner of a great, ugly beast. At first, he said, he was afraid for his life. But, in time, he realized that the beast meant him no harm. He cared for Father’s needs well. He found that, as time went on, that he actually began to like the beast. A sort of friendship grew between them as he realized that the beast was lonely. And as they talked, Father had begun to tell stories of his family back home. The beast seemed to grow concerned about Father’s family and finally one day he decided that Daddy must return home. But there was a condition to this pardon. Father could return to us but he must bring one of his children back to keep the beast company. At this, Mother had gasped. Father said he knew that this would be impossible but that he thought he should come home and see us one more time before returning to live with the beast. At this, Mother burst into tears and would not be consoled. She took to her bed and nothing that we could do would comfort her.”

Still listening intently, Wolf finished the ham on his plate and reached for another helping, washing the last one down with a cup of milk. The beautiful woman continued, “One night not long after, I called Father aside to speak with him about Mother. I told Father that we couldn’t let him go back to the beast or Mother would waste away and die. Her love for him was too great to lose him again. I said that instead, I would go to live with the beast and keep him company. Father immediately protested and said that maybe one of the boys could go. But, knowing my brothers and their temperaments, I knew this would not work. They were lively, rough, opinionated boys and I did not feel either they or the beast would fair well in this arrangement. We talked about it long into the night but finally I convinced Father that I should go. By morning, sadly, he agreed. So as not to prolong it any more than need be, I packed my things and, by afternoon, I was ready to leave. We said goodbye and, with Father leading the way, we began our journey. It took two days to get to the house of the beast and when we arrived, he would not come out to meet me. He spoke to us from behind the door to his room but he promised Father that he would take good care of me and that he could visit any time he liked.”

By now, both plates of food were empty and Wolf’s stomach was full. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on the table and propped his chin in his hands. Since the woman had begun her story, he had not taken his eyes from her. Wolf had not noticed that she had emptied her plate into his while she was speaking and now her plate, also, was empty. She paused a moment and rose from the table and took a kettle from the stove to pour them both a cup of steaming hot tea. She sat down and resumed her story. “Father left, looking back sadly and waving until he was out of sight. And then I was alone with the beast. I didn’t know what to do so I remained in the kitchen and settled myself down at the table. I waited for a long time but the beast never came out of his room and so I made some supper and looked for a place to sleep. This went on for many days. After the first day I began to cook double and would go for a walk after I ate. Always, when I returned, the food was gone and the kitchen was cleaned and tidy. Then, one day, I began to feel very lonely. I don’t know why but I began to talk as if there were someone with me.” “At first, I spoke to myself. Then I began to talk to the beast, who I knew was on the other side of the door. After a few days, he began to answer me. It only took a week before I realized that Father was right. The beast was kind but very lonely. He needed a friend and I did also, and so friends we became. It was odd to have a friend who grew closer and closer each day but never to see his face. Yet, little did I realize how much I would soon need a friend.”

“One morning I awoke and found a flower on my bedside table. The beast must have come into my room in the night and left it there for me to find. I arose, excited at the prospect that we may soon meet face to face. But when I greeted my host and friend, his voice sounded sad. When I asked him why, he said that he had awful news he must give to me. Early that morning he had been walking in his forest on the path to the Fourth Kingdom. He had decided to try to find Father and tell him that he had decided to set me free. But as he was crossing a section of country where the land grew rough and steep, something drew his eye. He moved to the edge of the tree line and looked toward the place where the hill met the flatland. There he saw a figure broken and battered, lying in a ditch. He scrambled down the slope and was horrified to find the lifeless body of Father. He had slipped, it seemed, on his journey home and had broken his neck. Horrified at this news, I began to sob. Like you, I realized that by insisting that Father take me to the beast, that it had cost him his life. And now, without him, Mother would not want to go on either. I was horrified at what an outcome I had brought about and, for weeks, I was wrapped up in terrible grief.”

“What did you do? How did you get over it?” questioned Wolf. “How could you ever get beyond something so terrible?” He sat transfixed by the sorrowful story and the serenity of the one who told it. She understood his need to find release from his own guilt, and, reaching out, she took his hand. Looking in his eyes, she continued. “It was awful. I didn’t think I could live. But the beast cared for me. He made sure that each morning there were flowers by my bed and a kettle of tea ready for me. He let me talk as much as I needed to about my family and my pain. He was my friend. And then, one day, he suggested that I go home. He sounded so sad when he spoke but I jumped at the offer, excited at being allowed to go free. I packed my things and was ready in no time.”

When I was set to leave, the beast first came to me. He was very large and wrapped in a great brown robe. I could see little of him but his huge, hairy feet and the paw that held his robe closed. I was a bit surprised by even this but, we had become friends and I was not afraid. And so, together, we walked in the forest and he led me safely home. I was happy to see my home again but when I entered, I found that it was different. It was dreary and dark. There was no one at home and so I cleaned the house, made supper and waited. By evening, my brothers came in. They were dirty and tired but happy to see the food and me. We shared stories as I told them of my life with the beast and they sadly informed me that Mother had died two weeks before. Now they were forced to work in the woods and with some local farmers to earn their bread. My heart broke at what had befallen us all and I knew it was my job to take Mother’s place. I cooked and cleaned and nagged just like Mother had but my brothers didn’t seem to appreciate me. And deep inside, I wasn’t happy either.”

“One night, we’d had a fight over picking up dirty laundry and wiping their feet. My oldest brother shouted at me that I wasn’t needed and that I only made more trouble for them. They liked doing things their own way, he said, and didn’t need a mother. My youngest brother said my cooking was lousy anyway and that they were old enough to take care of themselves. And so, I decided to leave. The problem was that I had nowhere to go…except back here. So, I set off into the woods to try to find my way back to the beast.

“It wasn’t long before I began to feel a bit nervous about being lost. I thought I had remembered the way but I guess I hadn’t been paying as close attention on the previous trip as I thought I had. Finally, I sat down to think. And the more I thought, the gloomier the forest began to look. When I realized it was growing dark and I was really lost, I began to tremble with fear. Then, a noise from the forest startled me. I jumped to my feet and as I looked to where I thought I’d heard the noise, out of the brush stepped the beast.

“He was wrapped it the same brown robe he’d worn the last time I’d seen him. I was never so happy to see anyone as I was to see him that day. I ran to him and threw my arms around his robe and squeezed him tightly. I think I surprised him a bit but when we’d rested and talked, I found that he’d been watching out for me all along. He had not been home since I had left but had camped at the edge of the woods to watch over me. When he saw me leave my home with my bags packed, he followed from a distance until he realized where I was going. He knew I was getting lost but waited to help until he saw that I needed him. We came back home together and I told him what had happened. He said he was glad to have me back and that I was welcome to stay as long as I liked. And so, I’ve been here ever since,” she finished, looking at Wolf and smiling.

He’d not realized how much time had passed as they sat and talked, but listening to her story somehow had eased a bit of the pain in his chest. He began to feel as if he needed to rest. Noticing his drooping eyelids, the woman arose and taking his hand, she led Wolf to his room, where she patted the bed and pulled back the covers. He slipped into the beckoning sheets and before she had arranged the covers over his weary body, he had already fallen asleep. With a motherly touch, she ran her hand over his head and, after turning to close the shutters, she tiptoed out of the room.