Mary Anne Gruen - The House of Red

It had been a long night of fighting, but the end to the trolls’ first goal was in sight. They were near the foot of the hill where Snow White’s coffin lay. Once they took that, they would be inside Kissing Town. With this major victory, King Relish’s children were sure of their ultimate success. One by one, each town would fall till all of Wendell’s kingdom would belong to them.

In the cool of the morning, the troll army set up guards around their periphery and sent a few spies into the woods to keep an eye on Wendell’s troops. They didn’t expect much action from the other side because it was hard for the humans to adjust to fighting all night and sleeping all day. The troll army, though, had a heft supply of magic mushrooms to help spur them on at night. To relax during the day, they smoked a little dwarf moss. Not too much, mind you. Or it would cloud the mind.

Burly, Blabberwort, and Bluebell met at the top of the hill just across from the one they intended to take that night. They were in high spirits, in more than one way. They kept a tight control on how much dwarf moss they allowed the troops. But they figured they weren’t under any such restrictions.

Blabberwort was the supplier. She always was. First she passed out supplies to the troops and then she and her brothers threw aside their armor and made themselves comfortable on the ground.

“It was a great battle,” Blabberwort said, rolling some dwarf moss and passing it to her older brother Burly.

“Yes,” Burly agreed, “Wendell’s men are running before us like frightened sheep.”

“More like frightened lambs, I would say,” said Bluebell. He took the dwarf moss his sister handed him and laid back on the grass.

“Should we move into Wendell’s castle after we take it?” Blabberwort asked, “Or should we just burn it to the ground?”

“I was thinking maybe I would live in it,” Burly said, “I’m the oldest. I should have my own castle.”

“What about our castle?” Bluebell asked sitting up a bit, “What about the one where Dad ruled? It’s been in the family for centuries.”

“Exactly. It’s old. I want something newer.”

“I intend to build one over there, on the top of Snow White’s Hill,” Blabberwort said, “So, everybody will know, a new great queen has come to Kissing Town. Bluebell, if you want, you can have the family castle.”

“But don’t be surprised if you’re there by yourself,” Burly said. “I don’t think any of the trolls will want to stay in our old kingdom once they have this one. Think of all the cows we can keep.”

“Yeah! And cows mean leather,” Blabberwort said, her eyes shining, “Lots and lots of leather. And that means lots and lots of shoes.” She looked up at the sky and smiled. “Hey, look. There’s a cow now, flying over that tree. You see him?”

“No,” Burly said, “I see a beautiful girl. And she’s flying like she wants me to follow her. Real nicey nice.”

“What girl?” Bluebell said, looking hard. He obviously hadn’t had enough dwarf moss yet.

“You think the giants will care if we leave the Third Kingdom to them?” Burly asked.

“Naw,” Blabberwort said, “They probably won’t even notice, just as long as I send them their regular shipments of magic mushrooms and dwarf moss. They get real cranky when they don’t get it.”

“Do they use a lot of it?” Bluebell asked.

“Are you kidding?” Blabberwort said. “Anything a giant uses, he uses a lot of. Most of them still favor regular alcohol but several have moved on to the harder stuff. They’re my biggest customers. Get it? Biggest customers?” Blabberwort laughed uproariously at her own thin joke.

“I don’t get it,” Bluebell said.

“Ah, you’re even dumber than you look,” Burly said.

“No I’m not!” Bluebell protested, “Daddy always said that was impossible.”

Suddenly, the bushes parted and a short, squat, dirty looking troll appeared. He raised his sword in greeting and said, “Your Majesties.”

“Can’t you see we’re resting?” Blabberwort said, “Go away!”

“But I have news.”

“What kind?” Burly asked, rising to his feet unsteadily. “Is it important. It better be, or you’ll pay for disturbing us with your life.” He unsheathed his sword and swung it as threateningly as he could.

The soldier was unafraid. He knew Burly couldn’t hit the broad side of a dragon in his condition. “We’ve caught a courier trying to bring a message into King Wendell’s camp.”

“A courier?” Blabberwort said. She was trying hard to focus her eyes on the soldier.

“Bring him here!” Burly commanded. I’m just in the mood for a good torture. We’ll find out what his message was and then kill him.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible,” the soldier said.

“What? You let him get away?”

“No, of course not. But we got a little overzealous in questioning him and he died in the process.”

Blabberwort shook her head at her older brother. When would these stupid underlings learn. Business before pleasure. First you question, then you kill.

“Stupid idiot!” Burly yelled. “Don’t you know better than to rush a torture.”

“Yeah!” Bluebell said.

Burly swung his sword at the soldier again. “Now we’ll never know what kind of message he was bringing to King Wendell.”

“Well, actually, he was carrying a letter.”

“Then we might still be able to thwart their plans,” Blabberwort said.

“Why didn’t you say that in the beginning?” Burly demanded. “What did it say?”

“Don’t know your Majesties. None of us can read.”

“Oh, suck an elf!” Burly said, “You guys are all idiots! Hand it over.”

The soldier handed over the letter. It was crumpled and dirty, with dabs of blood on the corner from the hesitant courier. “Your Majesties.” He raised his sword again in salute and disappeared back through the bushes.

Blabberwort got to her feet and peered over Burly’s arm to read the letter.

“What does it say?” Bluebell asked.

“To his Majesty, King Wendell, Monarch of the Fourth Kingdom,” Burly read outloud.

“Kind of formal, don’t you think?” Blabberwort said.

“I am traveling at once with new recruits to help you in the defense of Kissing Town. You’ll know us by the distinct sound of our bugle call. Signed, Wolf.”

“Not that guy again,” Bluebell said.

“New recruits. How many do you suppose he’s bringing?” Blabberwort asked.

“Who cares?” Burly said, throwing the letter over his shoulder. “Untried troops who don’t know how to fight at night? They won’t stand a chance against us!”

“Yeah!” Bluebell agreed, lying back down on the grass.

“You got anymore of that dwarf moss? I wanna see if I can get that nicey nice lady to fly back over the trees.”