Tiffany Dunn - If I Should Never Find You

The water stretched out deep and blue in the distance, breaking against a tan, sandy shore. The castle itself had been built right on the beach, and one set of gleaming stairs disappeared directly into the water. The rest of the structure glimmered like some remarkable dream come to life. The stone was pale yellow, and marble steps led up and curved all around its shining walls. Pillars circled the building, and a gilt dome curved above the roof, giving it the feel of a splendid, unwrapped gift. As they approached, Melissa noticed that the walls had tall windows filled with clear glass, and one could peer right inside the castle into magnificent rooms.

"It's perfect," she breathed, forgetting Terry and her pain for a moment of wonder.

She felt Wendell's eyes eagerly watching her, and instinctively she turned away to protect herself. I'm not ready for that yet, she thought, trying not to imagine the hurt in his blue eyes.

"Come on," she said, spurring her horse to a trot. Glancing down at the imp, she saw he was staring at the ocean with great interest, his round eyes even rounder. Not quite sure what was there that interested him, she reminded herself to keep an eye on Grojavek while they were here. She heard the steady thud of Wendell's horse following her as they rode down into the valley. There was a small fishing village sprawled at the castle's base, stretching both directions along the shore and inward, the streets and piers busy with villagers. People turned to watch them pass with suspicious eyes. Some recognized Wendell, but few of those actually bowed. Melissa wondered whether that bothered him. Was she inheriting a group of happily leader-less rebels? How would they feel about her when they found out who she was? Why does it matter? I'm not staying.

They rode to the castle gates, which were closed against outsiders. As they approached, they saw that the building was not as magnificent as from a distance. The pale stone was cracked and chipped, and the shine she'd noticed was actually the sun reflecting off the sea. The tall windows, stretching up to the roof, were dirty and pock-marked. It showed the wear of the constant sea wind and obviously hadn't been cared for in many years.

Melissa wondered what it had been like before, when her family had lived here. My family, she thought, the idea of it to big to grasp. Terry could have told her. Suddenly, the fierce pain she'd been trying to push aside swept over her. Her eyes filled with tears and her throat ached with grief. Wendell rode up next to her. "Melissa?" His voice was quiet.

"I'm okay."

"Are you sure? I can do this on my own."

"No." She pressed her fingers against her eyes until it hurt, willing the grief away with thoughts of Soul Ravager and revenge. "I have to do it."

He nodded, though his eyes were filled with doubt.

They continued to the castle, a few people falling in behind them with soft words and dark eyes. She couldn't tell if they were simply curious or protective. Grojavek pulled the horse blanket around him, effectively hiding himself. Wind brushed past them, carrying the tang of salt air, and a faint memory, with it. Hadn't she always loved the ocean?

The lone guard straightened and executed a sloppy bow when he saw Wendell. "Your Highness. We, ah ... what ... I mean, welcome. Is Lord Joffrey expecting you?" he asked, his voice weak.

"No. However, it is imperative that I speak with him. Is he available?"

"Ah, I ... I believe so. The castle -- we're not prepared to host any guests, your Highness."

Wendell smiled in a way only rulers could. "That's all right my boy." Melissa eyed the guard, who looked old enough to be her father. "We just need to speak to him. It is extremely urgent."

"Of course. And who else may I say is calling on him?"

Melissa felt every last pair of eyes rest on her. She nudged her horse forward a step. "Tell him it is King Wendell and the daughter of Prince Andre." The small crowd inhaled as one and began chattering furiously amongst themselves. The guard had gone white and stared at her with startled eyes.

"Are you ... certain, miss?"

She copied Wendell's posture, straight and confident, trying to look like someone who was used to being obeyed. "Yes," she said simply. It worked, and the guard bowed deep and low, before scurrying inside to open the gates.

Melissa glanced at Wendell, and they shared a brief, knowing smile. He looked away first, but not before she saw the hope lighting his features. Realizing how cruelly she'd been treating him since Terry had died, she hung her head slightly. She wanted to beg him to understand, to stay with her now when she needed him the most, but she couldn't. Not in front of all these people. Gazing at the crowd, the air filled with the stench of fish, Melissa shook her head slightly. Not just 'these' people, but her people. I'm not staying, she repeated firmly.

The gates inched open, grinding along the ground the whole way until everyone was wincing. Melissa entered first, Wendell right behind her, and most of the crowd pushed its way in after. The guard shouted for help and a few more armed men rushed out, struggling to keep the villagers back. Melissa pushed through anyway, and her horse opened a path for them to the castle. They dismounted simultaneously and, after untying Grojavek and taking him along, left their horses and the small mob in the courtyard, entering into the building through an arched doorway. Two more guards appeared and swung the large, wooden doors shut behind them, and it was quiet.

They stood in a long hallway, doors spaced evenly along its length. At the far end was a window that took up most of the wall, looking out into the sea. When the sun set the orange and red rays would light the whole room. Melissa imagined it would glow with light, warm and inviting. From out of a doorway in the middle of the hall, a man walked out, supporting himself on a cane.

"Caterina?" he asked, his voice hesitant.

Wendell touched her arm and gestured at the imp. She gave him up willingly to meet the old man. Frowning, she said. "Are you Lord Joffrey?"

"Yes." He continued his steady, but slow, progression, and she fidgeted in place until he finally stopped several feet away. His face was heavily wrinkled, with creases etched long and deep along his forehead and eyes. It made him look sad, and the way his lips seemed to naturally turn down only added to the impression. His eyes were blue as an afternoon sky, but cloudy with age. They fastened on her, studying her closely, pulling her in.

She shook her head, feeling dazed. "I'm Melissa. I ..." She paused, uncertain how to continue. What could she say to this man? The truth, she thought. It's all I have. "I recently found out that I'm the daughter of Prince Andre. I was taken from here when I was too young to remember it. Are you - I mean," she exhaled slowly. "Do you know me?"

"I do. Not as Melissa, but I remember you." He reached out and touched her cheek gently. His skin felt soft and thin and frail. "You look so much like Andre did," he whispered. "You have his eyes."

Melissa smiled and felt her chin trembling. He knew her family. "What was he like? And my mother? Were you here with them much?"

"Sometimes. They liked to have grand parties, with food and music and games." His lips crept up into a warm smile. "The whole family did. They'd invite all of their relatives and friends and have a lavish good time. Until Serena died." The brief happiness disappeared. "My dear sister was the first to go, and the whole line has followed. Except for me." He touched her cheek again. "And now you."

"Are we related?"

The old man's lips trembled into a smile. "I'm your grandmother's brother."

"I didn't know," she murmured, taking his hand in hers. A family, she repeated.

"Your mother took you across. Is she alive still?"

Melissa shook her head. "Terry, she said that my mother died of heartbreak after we crossed. My father never made it across the mirror to us. What happened to him?"

Joffrey tugged on her hand, leading her towards one of the nearest doors. "I'm tired, Caterina, let's sit down while I tell you."

Melissa blinked, startled at hearing the name. "Caterina," she repeated softly. It felt strange and uncomfortable. She'd always been Melissa. Not always, she thought.

"Ah, you don't remember that do you?" They walked slowly towards the door, Wendell on the other side of Joffrey, hiding Grojavek who was being blessedly quiet. "You're Melissa now. I've always thought of you as Caterina. It will be strange, using your new name. Surely you'll forgive an old man if I slip up?"

"Of course," she promised.

"Caterina was my mother's name. Did you know that?" She shook her head. "Did that servant girl, the one who lost her husband, did she survive?"

"Teresa," Melissa whispered. Her eyes filled with now-familiar tears. "Yes, she took care of me when my mother died. She-" the words bottled up and she couldn't speak.

"She died a few days ago," Wendell spoke up. "She was a great woman, and raised Melissa as her own."

Joffrey nodded. "That is good she cared for you. She must have told you about us, then. There was no one else who could."

Melissa could only walk along silently, unable to get any words out.

They entered a small room, with a fire burning in the fireplace in one wall and another large window opposite the door. Outside they could see part of the castle lawn, the plants mostly dead from lack of care. There were several armchairs with comfortable cushions and a table made out of dark wood in the center. They sat in the cushions, and Joffrey rested his cane on the table in front of them. Its carved head, Melissa noted, was of a sea horse. Wendell settled Groj at his feet, earning a stare from the old man.

"Why do you have an imp as a prisoner?"

"He's helping us," Melissa jumped in before Wendell. "He won't hurt you."

Joffrey stared at him for a long time before shrugging it off, although his eyes wandered to Grojavek occasionally. "Would you like anything to eat or drink?" he offered. "We don't have many servants, but they aren't very busy, either." Melissa and Wendell both declined, and he shrugged. "Very well, you're anxious. I can understand dear. Do you know anything of what happened to your father?"

"Just that he was supposed to head out to sea and enter the mirror from there, and then the servant with him would shut it off and throw it in. We were supposed to meet him, but he never came. Terry never knew what happened. Although I would guess that he died." Even though she knew she was talking about her father, this was easier ground for her to stand on.

"Aye. He and his man went out to sea -- I tried to warn him not to, but he was always stubborn." Melissa glanced at Wendell and caught the faintest hint of a smile. "But he went anyway, and a storm came out of nowhere. It was a magical storm, everyone at the castle knew that she had sent it."

"Soul Ravager?"

"So you've heard that too. We took to calling her that after Andre's death. The storm raged for a whole day and we could only wait it out with failing hopes. Three days later, Andre's boat came back in pieces. The day after that, we found the servant and later that night, Andre's body washed up on shore. We never knew what happened to the three of you. The mirror was never found."

"It sank into the Great North Sea," Wendell said. When they both looked at him, he explained, "Gustav told us. He's a magic mirror."

Melissa frowned but let the explanation go. From what she'd seen of the Nine Kingdoms, it was a perfectly normal occurrence. "How do you know these storms are the same?"

"If you saw them, you would know. One hit several days ago and killed three villagers. One was a child." He sighed, and all the suffering settled around his shoulders. Melissa leaned over and squeezed his hand gently.

"We were told that Soul Ravager is the mermaid that loved my grandfather."

"We've always known it was her. The wind, it spoke of her."

"The wind?"

"Aye. She controls it, as much as anyone can control the wind. We've tried to stop her, Caterina. So many times we've tried, and everyone has been lost."

"We've come to stop her, Joffrey."

He sat up, staring at her in horror. "You mustn't! She'll kill you, and then who will rule here when I am gone?"

"We know how to stop her, though. Someone told us, someone we can trust." Melissa thought briefly of Inesh, of the endless depths of his eyes, and hoped he hid in peace for the rest of time. "There is something here that can help us. Something that can kill her. Do you know what it is?"

Joffrey was shaking his head, rubbing his hands roughly against his knees. "She'll know you're coming and send a storm. You won't even get there."

"We have to try, Joffrey. I have to. Do you know what the item is?"

"No, I don't. There's nothing here. If we had known, we would have used it ourselves."

Melissa sank back into her chair, feeling defeat crushing her chest, making it hard to breathe. She had to do this.

"Perhaps we could search the castle?" Wendell asked.

"Of course, but we would know already if something was here."

Wendell stood, holding a hand out to Melissa. "Still, it cannot hurt to search."

She looked up into his face, and he watched her intently. It struck her heart that his eyes still held no malice, just calm assurance. Taking his hand, she lifted herself up, feeling renewed by Wendell's support. "Right. We have to look. You stay here, we'll be fine."

"What about the imp?"

"He's tied up tightly. He won't go anywhere." Groj grunted in agreement, looking frustrated. "We'll take care of him, don't worry."

"You won't find anything."

"I have to look," Melissa said, hearing desperation in her voice.

Joffrey leaned back into his chair. "If you wish, dear." His own voice was filled with hopelessness.

They decided to split up, and for hours they searched the length and breadth of the castle. Melissa paused whenever she came across a painting or a tapestry, studying each of them for some sign of the familiar. In one, she thought she saw a man who she looked like, but it was hard to tell. All of the rooms in the castle had huge windows and if they had no windows, then they had skylights. The castle felt much fresher and lighter than its stone walls and years of collapse would suggest. The furniture was old and much of it dusty, but everything had been built to last and was made of sturdy materials. Her family may have enjoyed their luxuries, but they certainly had a practical side. And though she searched every single room, not stopping even when the sun had dropped below the rim of the horizon, she didn't find anything that would help them kill a monster.

"Did you find it?" she demanded of Wendell later, when they met up in the grand hallway once more. A servant was quietly checking the small torches that lined the walls. Other than that, the castle felt empty in the darkness. From her search, Melissa knew that wasn't far from the truth. No more than twenty people lived here, including the ten or so guards.

Wendell smoothed down his hair, frowning. "No. I saw nothing that it could even possibly have been. I'm sorry, Melissa."

"Damn it!" The words echoed down the hallway, and the servant paused to look her way. She stomped her foot, needing to do something with her angry energy. "Damn it. It has to be here, Wendell."

"It's not," he said simply.

She glared at him and took a step away, leaning against one of the side tables. It had to be here, but they'd looked everywhere. Every last inch of the castle had been combed by both of them, separately. "We both couldn't have missed it," she muttered.

"Why don't we have some food?"

"I'm not hungry." Every inch of the castle.

"You have to eat, Melissa."

"Damn it, I'm not hungry." She turned on him, welcoming a target for her frustration. "I'm not giving up, Wendell. Inesh wouldn't lie to us."

"Inesh wasn't very helpful. He said only that you had to return home. There was nothing about what or even how we would kill her. It's a fool's quest."

"Then I'm a bigger fool than you can imagine because I know it's here."

"You want it to be here," he sighed.

"It is." Melissa's hands fisted and she dug them into her thighs. "It has to be. I'm going outside to look."

"Melissa, please. We're not going to find it. Let me form an army, like Antony suggested --"

"Jesus, Wendell! Why do you want me to fail at this?"

His lips thinned angrily. "I don't want you to fail. By the queen! You don't even know what we're looking for! I just don't want you to be hurt."

Their eyes locked, and she saw understanding in his. They both knew she was already hurt, too deep and fresh to let this faint hope go. All her happiness rested on killing Soul Ravager. "I'm going outside," she repeated.

He nodded slowly. "Eat something when you come back in. Please?"

His concern smoothed some of the edge on her temper and she smiled hesitantly at him. If she weren't careful, she would lose him, too. "I will," she said, heading for the double doors. Opening one of the doors, she stepped outside into the night air, assaulted by the sea wind. The smell was much fiercer here, where the wind blew fresh and strong. How can anyone control the wind? she thought, scanning the ground aimlessly.

The brown grass crunched underneath the soles of her shoes. She decided that she would have a healthy garden if she were to live here. With plants that would do well so near to the ocean. Her feet led her unerringly to the steps that disappeared into the water, and she stood at the top of the staircase, listening to the waves break against the stone. The area was shored up from erosion, but the passage of time still had left its mark. In the early moonlight, she could see glimmers of algae along some of the higher steps. Low tide, she thought, walking down the stairs, stopping before it got slippery. There was no railing to hold her, just the wind buffeting her chest.

"How do you kill a mermaid?" she asked the water. The waves gave no answer, never ceasing their endless movement. Inesh had told them she had to return home. "I'm here," she said, holding her arms out to the water and the wind. "Where is it? Why aren't you helping me?"

Something flickered at the edge of her vision, silver in the moonlight. In the silence between the crashing of waves, Melissa heard a whisper.

"Hello?" She peered into the black depths, seeing nothing. "Hello? Is someone there?" She didn't feel afraid, she realized, just hopeful.

Again, she heard the whisper, and this time she could make out the words: "She must be stopped."

"Are you out there? Can you help me? Hello?" Melissa took another step down, her foot sliding a little on the algae-slicked step.

"You wish to stop her?"

Melissa squinted, thinking she saw a form under the water, but the silver turned out to be merely the crest of a breaking wave. "I do," she said, hoping she'd really heard the words. "I don't know how. Can you help me?"

"We can." There was another flash, the shadow of another form, and it disappeared. "You are his grandchild, we can sense it." "Rena." The one word was whispered by many voices.

"What?"

"Her name is Rena. Your grandfather never knew that."

"Who are you?" Melissa frowned, hoping it wasn't a trick. "Please, show yourselves."

The water glimmered, and for a moment she thought it was only the moonlight until the silver shimmers became hair and the waves became women's bodies. Mermaids, Melissa realized. There were five of them, all women with flowing hair of bright silver and pale, pale skin. They were naked, like the pictures in old books showed and not the Twentieth century versions. One flipped her tail up, slapping the water gently and Melissa gasped aloud. It was long and sinuous and strong, blue-green in color, the scales iridescent.

"We are her sisters. We can help you."

"How?" Melissa's heart pounded so hard it hurt. She took another tentative step, wishing there were a railing. A wave crashed a step below and water splashed against her legs.

One of the sisters swam up to the steps, bobbing up and down with the waves. She held herself in place with strong strokes of her tail. Slowly, she held up her palms with a knife resting on them. "There are two things that must be done. First, she must be stabbed with this, the knife we gave her to kill the prince."

"My grandfather."

"Yes. She is our sister, we do not care about some human."

Melissa frowned, but chanced another step down into the chilly water to get closer to the mermaid. "Then why help me?"

All five women's faces turned sad and they keened as one. The sound was low and heartbreaking. "She must find peace," the first mermaid finally said. "She will not find it this way." She swam even closer, until her breasts brushed the steps. "Take this knife."

Carefully, Melissa crouched down and took the knife from the mermaid's hands, brushing the woman's cold skin accidentally. "What is the second step?"

The mermaid swam backwards before speaking. "Once she is stabbed, she will be human. She must be returned to the us, to the sea, to complete the task."

"You mean push her into the ocean?"

"Yes." The mermaids wailed again and Melissa felt her eyes fill with tears. "It is the only way. But you must hurry, before the wind betrays you to her."

"Of course. We'll leave tonight -- now."

"We will help you. Take your ship and head that way." The mermaid pointed one long, slender arm straight out to sea. "Her island is there. We will gather aid and help you get to her before the sun rises."

Melissa stood, slipping a little and catching herself. She held the knife tightly in hand, determined to not let it go. "How will we find you?"

"We will find you. Go!" They seemed to roar the word, and the wind picked up, blowing intensely, seeming to push Melissa up the steps. She staggered up then, almost falling but always held up by the wind.

She ran for the castle, waving the knife in the air and screaming, "Wendell! Wake up! Come here! Wendell, I've got it! We have to leave now!"