A.N.D. - Through the Looking Glass

Yet Wolf was becoming more and more despondent. Virginia still couldn’t eat. And despite all his reading, all his earnest work with Dr. Horovitz, he still couldn’t shake the idea that food and love were connected. They just had to be! His father provided for the family by bringing food home. His mother showed her caring by cooking it up... well, at least skinning it before dinner. That was the way it was. And weren’t they hired to make special meals to celebrate special occasions? It was all linked.

But Virginia couldn’t celebrate anything with food. It was making him crazy. Well, crazier than usual. Oh, she could eat a little, but, huff puff, it wasn’t enough! Certainly nowhere near what he thought was enough for a mother-to-be, at least. So every day he tried a new recipe or two. Sometimes she could keep it down. All too often, though, he’d end up whining unhappily outside the little bathroom as her body rejected his latest offering. It was like being rejected by his own child.

Cripes, he was being rejected by his own child! Oh, he hoped that this wasn’t a sign!

Wolf slumped outside the bathroom door, twisting the pink hair ribbon and staring at the last knot. What to do, what to do? The last knot slipped through his fingers as he tugged, and he felt the bean twisting in his gut, begging for him to finish wishing and bring it up. Wolf shifted uncomfortably, finally moving further away until the sound of Virginia’s struggles ceased to make his stomach clench in sympathy. He’d saved this wish so he could use it if the doctor had said there was anything wrong with Virginia or the baby. Promise or no promise, if one of them was in danger, he’d save them.

He’d had a long talk with the doctor. Virginia had insisted, saying something about wanting them to get to understand each other, whatever that meant. He didn’t really feel a need to understand the doctor, who reminded him of an elf without wings, but he did want to know what was happening to Virginia and how to fix it. Dr. Frasier had been very patient with him, answering all his questions, but she couldn’t give him the answers he wanted most to hear-when Virginia would feel better, how he could help her. There was no way of knowing she insisted, and Wolf’s sympathy was the best thing he could give his mate. But she also told him, over and over, that this was extreme but normal and that Virginia and the baby would be fine if they just took enough vitamins.

Wolf started to untie the knot, then changed his mind. Magic was always dangerous, and there was no going back if he made the wrong wish, no more wishes he could use to fix it. He didn’t dare wish for no more morning sickness; what if it cured her by making her lose the child?

That got him thinking about the baby. All his life he’d dreamed of this, living in a safe place with a wonderful mate... and lots and lots of children. At least three girls and two boys. Now what? Would every pregnancy be like this? Could he bear to put her through this again? Should he wish upon himself, to not want more children? He started to pick at the knot again... then stopped.

No. He couldn’t do it. Wolf snorted a sad approximation of a laugh. He didn’t want to be changed any more than Virginia did. Family should be important to a wolf. Changing that would be as bad as cutting off his tail.

His wandering thoughts led him to the rest of his family. Virginia talked to Tony almost every day in the magic mirror. Wolf scoffed and fussed, but secretly he was envious. What had happened to Russ and Littlebit? Had they perished as their parents had, or did they survive somewhere? Did they know that he was the Wolf who had saved the Nine Kingdoms?

The bean hopped and suddenly he knew what his last wish would be. That was it. It couldn’t go wrong, couldn’t boomerang. It would be a happy wish. He’d make it after work tonight-they didn’t have a party to cater tonight-and be done with the bean.

He straightened up, just as Virginia came out of the bathroom. Oh, his creamy, dreamy girl was almost transparent these days. Wolf whined miserably as he ran to hold her. “Fish was a bad idea. No more fish. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t like fish, it is a terrible dish,” a small voice said and for a moment he thought it was his mate. She, however, made a face at her left hand.

“If I didn’t like fish, you’d still be swimming around a river somewhere, so don’t be mean,” she reminded the ring, which scowled. To Wolf, she said, “I know you tried, honey. Let’s go back to that chicken thing, okay?”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Wolf whispered as he helped her back to her office.

“It’s okay. I know you didn’t get me pregnant on purpose.”

“Well... um...”

“What? What did you mean by that?” Virginia pushed at him but he just walked faster, starting to babble.

“I’ll go make you more of the chicken pudding right away. I’ll go start it right now and...”

Virginia dug her fingers into his arm, dragging him to a stop. “No you’re not, you’re going to explain yourself. You got me pregnant on purpose?”

“No!” He stopped and scratched, unable to meet her eyes. “Well, not on purpose. I thought... I wasn’t sure... I didn’t know you’d be so sick! I’d never hurt you, never, never!”

“You knew? You knew back in the woods that-how? Why?” Damn this pregnancy, it was making her overemotional. She could feel tears welling up as her voice broke. “I never wanted kids, and you did this to me on purpose? How could you be so selfish?”

His eyes flared yellow at that. “I didn’t rape you! You wanted to!”

“I wanted to, but I didn’t want to get pregnant!”

“Virginia, it’s been known to happen when people do that. You had to know it was a possibility.”

“You’re talking like it was a probability! How could you even tell?”

He leaned forward and sniffed. For a moment she thought he was snuffling back tears; she could see them welling in his eyes. But then she realized what he wasn’t saying. “My scent changed?”

He closed his eyes, smiling at the memory. “You always smell so good it makes me crazy, but that day... Ahhhhhhrooowoooo!” He crooned a happy little howl. “Oh, you smelled extra special good and I thought maybe you were in season.”

In season? What a charming way of putting it. What am I to him, a broodmare? “So you thought you’d force the issue.”

“When did I force you?” She couldn’t answer the question, couldn’t look him in the face. That had been a cheap shot, and she knew it.

Wolf held her upper arms, rubbing his thumbs across them comfortingly. “I thought that I couldn’t bear to die and never know what it was like to be with you, never have a mate.”

“Aren’t you being just a little melodramatic?”

Wolf leaned in, his next words the barest of whispers. “Virginia, I thought I would die. I was just a wolf, just a wolf against the most evil queen my world has ever known. Wolves never have happy endings.”

“You thought I would.”

“You were her daughter. If you made it through the mirror, or if she remembered you and let you go, either way...” He put his hand on her stomach. “I thought that maybe if I tried hard enough to redeem myself before I died, Destiny would give you my child and show you a way to survive. Then a little bit of me would live. That would be my reward.”

“That evil queen was my mother. You’d trust me with a child knowing that?”

He smiled down at her. “I did trust you with a child knowing that. I also know that you are strong and loving and kind. I know you have the destiny of a great heroine. That is what I trusted my child to.”

Wolf kept sneaking looks at her as they walked home that night. Virginia was very quiet, but she didn’t act mad at him. Not very mad at least. More thoughtful than anything.

When they got to the door of their building, they both hesitated. Wolf cocked his head. This was interesting. He didn’t want her around when he made the last wish, mostly because he didn’t want to trigger her nausea as he coughed up the used bean. But what did she want?

She looked at him, sighed a couple of times, and then finally said it. “Wolf, you go up, okay? I want to see if I can talk to Dr. Horovitz.”

So that was it. Wolf hugged her, nodded, and started towards the elevators. The moment Virginia was out of sight, he ran back outside and crossed the street to the park. Darkness was falling, so he’d have a little privacy.

“Huff puff,” Wolf whispered. As much as he was looking forward to getting rid of the bean, he was going to miss the feeling of power and security of knowing that all his problems could be solved with a wish. He could have anything... Wolf shook himself. No! No! This was bad! This was how people got addicted to magic! Time to get rid of it, now!

He took a deep breath, looked into the darkness of the park where the mirror linked to the city, then looked downtown, in the direction of a sad, old, pickled granny waiting for a daughter who would never come home. Then he closed his eyes, and made his last wish.

Tony snuck through the park, afraid in equal parts that he’d meet a cop or a mugger. That crazy Wolf guy may think he fixed everything with a wish, but Tony knew better. Wishes were dangerous things!

There was a horrible gasp in the bushes to his right, then a cough, followed by a thump, another cough, and finally frantic sounds of gagging. Oh great. Somebody else had been mugged, and now it sounded like he was dying. He should go get a cop. No, no cops!

Tony tried to walk away, but he couldn’t. He wasn’t the kind of guy who could leave anyone in trouble. The thing was thrashing now. “Probably in its death throes,” he muttered to himself, even while he pushed through the bushes. “I’ll probably get arrested for murder. I should never have come back, I know it.”

The crime victim gagged, hacked, and sniffed. “Tone?” a strained but familiar voice called.

“Wolf? What are you doing here?” Tony burst through the bushes to see his prospective son-in-law groveling on the grass, choking. “Are you all right?” He tried to cradle the younger man, but Wolf pushed away, desperately retching. With a last massive convulsion, he coughed up something small, smoking, and familiar.

“That’s a bean! You ate a magic bean! That’s so dangerous! Are you crazy? You haven’t turned Virginia into a tree or something, have you?” Tony swung around frantically, squinting through the gloom, terrified that one of the plants would have a familiar shape. “Ginny! Virginia? Where are you?”

“Nice to see you too, Tone,” the strengthening voice floated up from ankle height. Wolf held up a hand, and without thinking, Tony pulled him to his feet, only to be enveloped in a bear hug when Wolf got upright. “It’s so good to have you back! When are you leaving?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Tony awkwardly patted his back and then shoved the overenthusiastic man off him. “Where’s Virginia?”

“Oh, she’s back at home. Wanna come see?” Wolf grinned suddenly. “The Murrays will sure be happy to see you.”

Tony wasn’t sure if he was tempted or repelled. He didn’t want his ass kissed-but after all those years of sucking up to Murray and his rotten little son, it would sure be... No! “Why do you think I came here in the first place? I’m worried about Virginia.”

“Oh, she’s okay,” Wolf said earnestly. Then he scratched his temple and admitted, “Okay, there’s that all-day morning sickness thing, and our therapist says she has a few abandonment and maternity issues, but really, other than that, she’s really good. Really.”

Oh, great. I’m living the life of Riley over in la-la land, and my daughter’s as bad off as she ever was, stuck with this nutbag. Oh, Virginia, you don’t have to save men anymore, take care of yourself! Tony glanced sideways at Wolf, who was still babbling on happily as they crossed the street. I know you love him. But don’t make the mistakes Christine and I made, please!

They made it through the lobby without incident, but by the time they reached the penthouse the word had gone out, and the entire hall was full of anxiously bowing Murrays, who dropped to their knees with fervent devotion when they saw him.

“Master!”

“Oh, Master, grant me one kiss, one little kiss of your...”

“Master! I live to serve! Let me lick your shoes! Lick your floor!”

“Master let me...”

They were clumping up to him on their knees, surrounding him, and Tony panicked. “Everybody! Back up!” They froze in terror, and Tony took a little encouragement from the instant obedience. “Look! I want to spend some time with my daughter and-” he looked at Wolf and forced the words out, “son-in-law. Alone! Uninterrupted! Do you understand?”

“YES, MASTER!”

Mr. Murray pushed forward in the crowd, literally scraping on his hands and knees. “Master, will you grant any of your time to us?”

He didn’t want to ever see that rotten family again. But... all those years of humiliation, of threats and insults... “Tell you what, Murray. You go lick the lobby clean, and if I like how you did it, you can kiss my ass one more time before I leave, okay!”

“Yes, Master!” Murray grinned broadly, somehow managing to bow while still on his hands and knees. “Thank you, Master!”

The rest of the Murrays dispersed while Wolf fished a key out of his pocket. “You enjoyed that a little too much, Tone,” he said disapprovingly as he opened the door.

“Yeah? What would you do if you could make the guards and warden at that prison do anything you wanted to?”

Wolf looked thoughtful at that, as he disappeared into the bathroom to clean up. Tony looked around the penthouse, impressed. Nice place. Very nice place. He poked around. Hey, Virginia fixed up a room for me, just like the old one. Only bigger and cleaner and nicer. He was surprised how happy that made him feel. I guess she still wants her old man around every now and then after all. In the living room there was an odd shelf. He recognized his own wedding picture, of course, but he didn’t realize Virginia knew where he’d kept it in his dresser drawer. Then there was that double frame picture of Virginia that Wolf had stolen and one of him at the IPO party for his company, back when things were good.

There was also evidence of the new guy in her life too. There was a picture of Wolf standing in the door of the Temple of Dendur, grinning broadly. Another souvenir-style photo had Wolf carrying Virginia. It looked like it had been taken in the park. And then there was that toy wolf perched among the pictures. What was the deal with that?

Before Tony could touch it, the real Wolf came out of the bathroom with his tail disconcertingly hanging out of his pants and wagging slightly. “So, Tone, what brings you back?”

“I wanted to see Virginia. I wanted to get to know you too, if you’re going to marry her.”

“Oh, I am, I am!” For a long moment they looked at each other, while Tony tried not to be distracted by the weird tail. “So, what do you want to know, Tone?” Wolf finally prompted.

“Oh, uh... I’m not too good at this chatty stuff. I dunno, are you liking New York?”

“Yeah.”

They stared at each other a little more, but that was it. Can’t get him to shut up for an entire month, and now he can’t talk? “What do you like best about living here?”

Wolf thought about that one very seriously. “That would be having lots of sex with Virginia.” He nodded happily. “I gotta tell you, Tone, your daughter...”

Virginia had been given so much to think about that she didn’t even wonder why the Murrays were out in force crawling around the lobby, lapping at the linoleum. She just picked her way around them to the elevator.

Dr. Horovitz had a few very choice words for someone who wanted an emergency visit for a non-suicidal crisis, and some even more choice words for someone who had unprotected sex and then blamed the pregnancy on the guy. It didn’t quite fix her own emotions about Wolf’s revelation, but it did put things into perspective.

There was no time for introspection when she opened the door to the apartment. Her father had come home, and for some reason was chasing Wolf all over the place. Wolf was faster, but Dad was bigger, and he managed to grab the tip of Wolf’s tail and drag her howling husband-to-be into punching distance.

“What is going on here?” she shouted and they froze in place like a bad comedy. Then Wolf wrenched free, bounded over, and hid behind her.

“He’s gone crazy! He’s totally mad! I answered his questions and he went completely insane!”

“What did you say?”

“I just told him my favorite part of living in the city, I swear!”

Virginia sighed, the old familiar feeling of having to mother her father rising up. “Daaaaaaad! What part of ‘all night deli’ caused this?”

Daddy blinked at her for a moment and then smiled sickly. “I guess I just over reacted. How ya doing, sweetie?”

Dad may be the same old goof, but she hadn’t known how much she missed him until he was right there. Ignoring Wolf’s whine of concern, Virginia ran forward and was grabbed up in a bear hug.

“I missed you,” she whispered.

“So did I,” he whispered back, squeezing harder.

“Hey, don’t squish the baby,” Wolf complained jealously.

Dad eased up a little bit, but didn’t let go. “Don’t you have a rabbit to chase or a tree to mark or something? Outside?” he asked irritably over her head, which she kept buried in his shirt.

“You’re not gonna go nuts and start chasing her around now, are you?”

“No, but I want to talk to my daughter alone for a while, okay?”

Wolf growled, but she could hear the soft sounds of him tucking his tail back in. “I’ll go take my three hours alone, Virginia. Tone? If you do anything to her, I’m gonna tell the Murrays you said they could all pucker up and get eight kisses each as soon as you leave.”

“If you do!” Dad pushed her away to get to him but Wolf ran out the door, chuckling.

Dad was shaking his head when he turned back to her, and Virginia couldn’t help wondering what his angle was. There had to be something. There was always something, and usually it was something she had to rescue him from.

“Tell me the truth, Dad. Is there something wrong in the kingdoms? A problem with Wendell? You’ve gotten into trouble, haven’t you?”

He blinked at her, stunned, then dropped on the sofa and patted the cushion next to him. “I suppose I deserve that. So many years I made you be the responsible one...” He sighed. “For so long I was caught up in my own pain and disappointment, so wrapped up in my own depression that I couldn’t think past how fast I could drown it in beer.” Virginia shook her head, but Tony just gave her his best “Dad” look. “No, hear me out. I’ve only just realized how bad it’s been.” He looked up at the skylight, where the last glimmer of twilight was fading. “It’s like I’ve been living in a cave ever since my marriage went bad, and now I finally see the sun. It doesn’t excuse what I did to you, though.”

“What you did? You didn’t... Dad, I’ve been learning a lot too. I’ve been in therapy since I’ve been back, did you know that?”

“Wolf said something. I thought he’d driven you crazy pretty quick.”

She couldn’t resist snickering even as she denied it. “It’s not him, I love him. Really, I do. It’s just... he has all these food issues, and I have all these family issues, and... she’s helping, Dad. She’s helping a lot. I mean, I’m gonna be a mother, and well...”

“That’s what I came to talk to you about.” Dad leaned forward, his hands firm on her shoulders. “Virginia, do you really want this baby? Because you have to want it. Not Wolf wanting it, not you wanting to give me a grandchild-I don’t know if you even care about that-but if you are, don’t!” He shook her slightly. “Virginia, I’ve been a terrible father to you and I can’t make that up. But of all the mistakes I’ve ever made, not saying this would be the worst. Virginia, if you don’t want to have a baby, then don’t have it. I’ll find a way to pay. Wendell gives me gold, jewels-don’t worry about it. You just know that this is your decision and nobody else’s.”

If her jaw dropped any lower, it would be in her lap. “What are you saying?” She clutched her stomach, feeling the blood drain from her knuckles as she knotted her hands protectively. “Don’t you want me to have this baby? Has there been some weird dream or prophecy?”

Dad sighed heavily. “Just bad memories.” He reached for one of her hands, unclenching it, cradling it between his and rubbing it soothingly with his thumbs. “I’m afraid for you. I’m afraid that if anyone forces you, you’ll end up like... like your mother.”

Her mouth worked wordlessly, and he put his fingers to her lips. “Don’t say anything, just think about it. Sweetie, you are the best thing that ever came into my life, and despite my crappy job of fathering, making you is the best thing I ever did. But... your mother didn’t wa... she wasn’t ready yet, to be a mother. You don’t know what your grandmother said, before you were born.”

“Yes. Yes I do.” Virginia felt suddenly calm. No, the right word was cold. Cold and remote and something else she didn’t want to think about. “She told me that I was throwing my life away, just like Mother. She told me that I should get rid of the baby and pay Wolf off. She told me...” As the scene replayed in her mind the emotions replayed in her heart, and suddenly a sob welled up. “She told me that’s what Mother should... should have...”

“That bitch! That drunken society snot bitch! How dare she, how dare she say that to you! I’m gonna march right down there and...” Tony launched up from the sofa, raising his fists against the shadows.

“How are you any better?” Virginia shrieked back through her tears. “You want the same thing!”

“No! Tony dropped back next to her, looking horrified. “No! I’m not telling you to have an abortion! I’m just saying-be sure.” He gathered her up into his arms again, cradling her against his chest and rocking her slightly as she cried. “Virginia, I’ve seen what happens when a woman gets talked into a baby she’s not ready for. I don’t want that for you. I want you to live happily ever after, like they keep saying in the kingdoms. Whatever you choose, I’ll back you all the way. I love you, sweetie. I love you.”

She didn’t know how long he rocked her, whispering “I love you” over and over into her ear. Time didn’t matter. The strength of his arms around her, his patience as he rocked her, the surety of his whispers-those mattered. He held her until she stopped crying, continued to hold her until she felt ready to sit up alone.

“I’ve been thinking about it, you know. If I’m ready to be a mother,” she told him. “I won’t deny that I’m scared. But... well, everything I did in the kingdoms scared me to death, but every scary thing brought me something I wanted more than anything. I found a man who loves me, who I love. I found Mother. I found the truth. And I found courage. You weren’t the only one who was depressed, Dad.”

“Aw, honey...”

“Anyway, I already decided. If all those scary things worked out all right, then this will too.”

Dad nodded. “If nothing else, Wolf can’t be a worse father than I was.”

“You keep saying that! You weren’t a bad father. Why do you keep saying that?”

“You have to ask? All the schemes that didn’t work out, all the times you had to rescue me... I kept thinking... No. I wasn’t thinking at all. I lied to myself-to you-for years. I said I needed to work, but the reality was that I couldn’t face you. I believed that even though I couldn’t give you your mommy back, maybe I could get rich again, make it all right that way. Only I couldn’t. I couldn’t, and things got worse and worse and I hated myself more and more with every failure. I couldn’t even give you a childhood. I forced you to grow up too fast, to be an adult because I didn’t trust myself to be the grownup anymore. It just got easier to let you make all the decisions, let you take over and let me hide away with my pain.” He looked away and she saw the tears welling up. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. That was a terrible thing to do, and I can never make it up. But I always loved you. You have to know I always loved you.”

“I do.” As she said it, she realized it was the truth. He wasn’t saying anything she hadn’t said to herself now and then through the years. But now, things were different. She wasn’t a child, wondering where her mother went, needing someone to blame. She was an adult and could see things from the adult’s point of view.

“There were so many things I wanted to give you, and I couldn’t.”

“You’d already given me the most important things, Dad.”

“I wanted to... what? What do you mean-this crappy place? I mean, the original crappy place. I took the job so you could be near the Park, but it was hardly that important. Was it?”

“It’s not the view. Do you know how much I like the responsibility? I wanted to do the budget and make the plans. It made me feel grown up. It made me feel like I had a purpose, like you needed me. I wanted you to need me. But more importantly, you gave me you, Dad. You never left. Not even when I started drawing away, not when none of your old friends would even give you a call back. You never, ever even talked about going away or shipping me off to school like Grandmother wanted.”

“Of course not! I’d lost everything that mattered except for you. How could I leave you?”

He looked very puzzled, and Virginia realized he didn’t quite understand. “Dad, don’t you see? You gave me the knowledge that no matter how rotten a kid I was, no matter how bad things got, no matter what-there was one person who would never, ever leave me. I don’t think we spent one night apart until I came back through the mirror. That’s what you gave me, Daddy. Thank you.”

They talked half the night away. Wolf didn’t intrude, although he did occasionally pop out and make noises about how Virginia needed her sleep. Virginia herself was too excited to feel tired, not now that she was finally connecting with her father. They talked about what Christine had been like when she was young and sane, they talked about Virginia’s hopes for the baby, and they talked about Tony’s role in the Fourth Kingdom. He had become “the voice of the little people” on Wendell’s cabinet, and the bouncy castles that had failed so badly on this side of the mirror were a huge hit in Wendell’s kingdom. It seemed only appropriate in a place where snap was more popular than poker.

“The original design didn’t do very well,” Tony confessed. “But when I redesigned them in the shape of famous palaces and marked them as the Snow White Bounce and the Rapunzel Bounce and stuff like that, we couldn’t make them fast enough. We’re the stuff of legends now too, can you believe it? They want me to make a castle of the tree that Huntsman character stuck you in.”

Virginia shuddered and Tony nodded. “Yeah, I’m not in a hurry to make that one.”

But finally there were more yawns than words. Virginia saw Tony settled into his room, then stumbled into her room where Wolf was sprawled across the bed. Too tired to nudge him out of the way, Virginia simply stripped down and dropped on top of him.

“Rrrrooo!” Wolf grumbled sleepily. “Had a good talk with your papa?”

“Yeah.” He was trying to pull his tail out from under her, and she tugged it back as it twitched. “We had a lot to catch up on. Thanks for only bugging us six times.”

She could hear him smile in the darkness. “You’re gonna be a mama, you have to take care of yourself.” Wolf suddenly sat up, tumbling her over. By the time she got her bearings again, Wolf had wrapped his arms and legs around her, draping his tail across her for good measure. “S’okay, I know you wanted to talk,” he murmured into her neck. “It’s important. I’d give a lot to have a long talk with my daddy.”

But right when she was feeling all warm and comforting over Wolf, he had to keep on talking. “So, when’s he gonna go?”

Virginia’s gentle tail-tugging became a punishing yank. “He says he can’t stay long this time. Wendell wants him back tomorrow.”

“Good.” His hand grabbed her wrist warningly. “Don’t pull my tail again! It’s a full moon tomorrow night.”

“Wolf! I lost track!”

“I didn’t,” he mumbled and fell back asleep.