Sleep had eluded him all night and now that the sun was peeking over the horizon, he dreaded this day more than any other in his young life. Only a few days ago his life was full of hope and he had never been happier or felt more blessed. As he went through the motions of dressing, his mind wondered back to the time he first met her. The express had been in Rock Creek for about six months when she showed up at the station one day to send a post to her father in California. ******* "Excuse me sir, this is the pony express isn't it?" inquired a beautiful, young girl with long dark curls that cascaded around her face and down her shoulders. "Um yes ma'm, my name is Jimmy," he managed to get out, "How can I help you?" "Good afternoon Jimmy, my name is Abbey and I would like to send this post to California," she stated as she noticed that this handsome young man was very fidgety, "I'm sorry is there something wrong?" "Um no ma'm," answered Jimmy, whom was obviously smitten by the beauty of the woman standing before him, "So you want this to go to California?" "Well yes, that is what I said," Abbey answered. "I'll take care of that for you right away," Jimmy declared as he almost tripped over his own boots. "Are you sure there's nothing wrong? You seem to be having some trouble," asked Abbey. "No, everything isjust fine," Jimmy exclaimed as his face got red hot with embarrassment. ******* Jimmy managed a faint smile as he thought of how stupid he must have looked to her that day. He was so overwhelmed by her presence that he couldn't think straight. Her beauty had left him speechless and trying hard to catch his breath. All he knew was that he had to find out who she was and get to know her better. And that he did. Her father had gone to California to find wealth while she had come with her brother and his family to Rock Creek. He was overjoyed to find that she was not married nor did she have a beau. It wasn't long before Jimmy was calling on her every chance he could. They would go on picnics, long rides in the country and all the town dances. Jimmy was in love and nothing felt better. ******* "Abbey," Jimmy said passionately as he got down on one knee, "You know I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I've already asked your brother for your hand now I'm asking you, will you do me the honor of marrying me?" "Oh Jimmy!" Abbey shouted with joy, "I would love to marry you." As he stood and took her in his arms, he knew that this was so right. Not many things had been right in Jimmy's life but this he was sure of. ******* The express was coming to an end and all the riders were going their seperate ways. Kid and Lou were planning on moving back to Sweetwater to take care of Emma's place, Buck was headed back to the Kiowa to lead his people along side his brother. Noah had made plans to head south to Texas and Cody was planning on joining the Army. Rachel was staying in Rock Creek to keep teaching and Teaspoon was headed to the Silver Spoon to help run it along with Amanda. Jimmy and Abbey had decided after the wedding to move back to Sweetwater and start a ranch along with a family. ******* After a sudden knock on the door, Jimmy was once again reminded of the sadness and emptiness in his heart. "Jimmy, can I come in?" asked a familar voice. "Just a minute," Jimmy replied as he finished buttoning his pants then opened the door to see a much comforting face. "I just wanted to see if you were allright," Emma said. "It's good to see you Emma," replied a somber Jimmy, "I just feel so lost and empty inside." "I know Jimmy. It's a sad thing that's happened, but you must be strong for that little girl downstairs, she needs her pa," Emma said as she put her arm around Jimmy to comfort him. "I know Emma but it's just so hard," Jimmy exclaimed as he walked over and sat on the bed. Walking over to him and putting her hands on his shoulders, "I'm going to go now. When you've finished dressing come on downstairs and get something to eat. You need to keep up your strength and everyone is waiting to see you." ******* As Emma left, closing the door behind her, it didn't take but a second for Jimmy to go back to the memories that had made him so happy. The last time everyone was gathered together was at his and Abbey's wedding. The happiest day of his life, the day he began his life with the woman that he loved and cherished more than he ever could have dreamed. It was a beautiful wedding and Abbey was breathtaking in her mother's wedding gown. Rachel, Emma and Lou had made a feast fit for a king and the local musicians played until after midnight. After a short first night together, they packed all their belongings and headed back to Sweetwater along with Kid and Lou. Until they could find a place of their own, they would stay with them. It didn't take long though as the Hanson's place had come up for sale about a month after they had moved back and Jimmy bought it with the money they had saved up. It was a perfect place for raising cattle, farming and starting a family. ******* It didn't take long for Abbey to make the house a home. She had filled it not only with love but with all their precious things and had planted an abundance of flowers all around the house. Jimmy had fenced in part of the land for cattle and cleared the other half for farming. The days started early, the work hard and the evening were filled with much love. It was hard work but was made easier with Abbey by his side. Days turned into months and before long Abbey was pregnant with their first child. A small chuckle came out as Jimmy remembered how Abbey thought she was the fattest cow on earth, but to him she was never more beautiful. Abbey had not experienced the sickness that Lou had had with her and Kid's first child. Poor Kid always had to put up with Lou's mood swings, her cravings, her fits. Jimmy always gloated about how incredible Abbey was handling her pregnancy whenever Kid came around. Jimmy let out a giggle remembering how Kid was always on pins and needles when came another knock on the door. ******* "Jimmy, what's taking you so long? Lou's had breakfast on the table for a while now and there's hardly any left," stated Kid. "That's allright Kid. I'm not that hungry anyways," claimed Jimmy. Throwing the door open, Kid snarled, "Allright Hickok, you're going down there and eat something. You know how onry Lou can be when she's pregnant and she's already fussing." "I guess you're right Kid, I just don't know how I'm gonna get it down," Jimmy said with a sadness in his voice, "I don't know how I'm gonna face everyone." "Look Jimmy, I know it's hard not having Abbey here. I know how much you loved her but she's gone now and you've gotta go on. She would want you to be strong for Beautrice. You're all that little girl has now and you have got to get a handle on yourself." Jimmy wiped a tear from his eye realizing that Kid was right. Abbey wouldn't want him to mope around, she would want him to be strong. ******* Being around all the family was easier than Jimmy had thought it would be. They were all so caring and Jimmy thought how lucky he was to have them in his life. Kid and Lou had been there for Jimmy since Abbey's death. Lou had looked after Beautrice and demanded that she and Jimmy stay with them for a while. Sam and Emma were still acting like newlyweds even though they had been married for years. The Army had matured Cody and he wasn't quite his fun loving, joking self anymore. He still talked of having a Wild West show someday after the war and was intent on Jimmy and his fast gun being in it. Noah had gone back to Rock Creek and was helping Rachel with the school. Buck was successful in helping his brother lead his people into peace with the white man. They had built schools for the Kiowa children and Buck had began teaching. And then there was Teaspoon, whom seemed more like a father than Jimmy's real father. It only took a glance for Teaspoon to know what was going on inside Jimmy. He came up to Jimmy and grabbed him by the arm telling him they needed to take a walk and Jimmy shook his head in agreement. ******* After walking quite a ways Teaspoon finally broke the silence. "How you holding up son?" "I don't know Teaspoon, I feel so numb. It's just not fair! We were so happy, so much in love. I just don't know what I'm gonna do now that she's gone," confessed Jimmy as the tears started rolling down his cheek. "Tell me what happened son," Teaspoon quietly inquired as he gripped Jimmy's shoulder. "The day started out as any other day. We had breakfast and I was headed out to feed the livestock and work one of the fields. Abbey and Beautrice were already in the flower garden on the side of the house getting the flower bed ready for the winter season or that's what Abbey said she was doing, I always left the flowers to her cos she loved them so. I kissed them both and told them I loved them and headed on out to the stable. After a few hours I figured I would take a break so I headed on back up to the house," Jimmy stopped suddenly and had to walk away for the tears started flowing freely. ******* After a few minutes he continued, "I saw the baby crawling around the front of the house but Abbey was nowhere in sight. I knew something was wrong cos Abbey never let Bebe out of her sight, not even for a moment. I grabbed the baby and ran round to the side of the house and there she lay, with flowers all around her. She looked as if she were just taking a nap, she looked so peaceful and beautiful. I ran over to her and when I tried to wake her, she wouldn't budge. I listened for her breath but heard none and then I listened to her chest for a heartbeat, but there wasn't one. Teaspoon, I didn't know what to do. I finally got my senses together and hitched up the buckboard so I could get her to Doc Baines. Doc Baines did everything he could do but she was already gone. He didn't know what had happened, she was young and healthy so he had no idea what could have caused her death. He did tell me that she didn't suffer though. He sent for Kid and Beautrice and me have been here ever since. I can't even bring myself to go home." ******* "Well Jimmy, I don't know why things happen the way they do, but I'm sure of one thing, it happens for a reason. We may not know the reason or understand it but that's the way things go. We just gotta accept it and go on with life. It's not your's or anyone's fault, it's just the way it was meant to be," Teaspoon said as he tried comforting Jimmy. "Well I don't understand it and I doubt I ever will. If I had only stayed with her that morning I could've done something," Jimmy reasoned. "Now don't go blaming yourself Jimmy. You couldn't have known that this was gonna happen," Teaspoon replied and then checking his watch told Jimmy they need to be heading back as it was almost time. As they walked back to the house, Jimmy told Teaspoon that he was sure glad that he decided to come. He was the one he wanted to see the most cos he knew Teaspoon would understand how he was feeling. ******* Reverend Jones had arrived at the house and he talked with Jimmy for quite a while. Jimmy had decided to have Abbey buried in Emma's family cemetary. Everyone gathered at the site and the Reverand started the service. Rachel sang a couple of beautiful hymns and everyone said a few words about Abbey. After the service was over everyone headed back to the house except Jimmy. He just stood there for the longest time not knowing what to do. Finally he broke his silence, "How do I go on without you Abbey? You were the love of my life and my best friend. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to be with Bebe. I love you Abbey and I always will. You will always be with me in my heart. How do I go on living without you? How do I say goodbye?" ******* With that said, Jimmy walked slowly away turning every few steps to look back. That evening he sat in the poarch swing with Beautrice in his arms and they watched the sun set just like he and Abbey had done every evening since they had moved back to Sweetwater. He knew Abbey would always be with them and that somehow he and Beautrice would be allright and he would not have to say goodbye. Drop me a note and let me know what you thought!