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The morning they left was a difficult one for Christy. First of all, they had to lie to Lou about the reason they were leaving. Christy told her they were going to look at some horses while Buck was confined to the bed. If Lou questioned the story, she kept her mouth shut. Buck had been harder. He was furious that Jimmy was going. He didn’t understand why Christy couldn’t wait until he was well enough to go. Christy herself had a hard time explaining that one. How could she tell Buck that she felt an almost desperate urge to leave immediately? Perhaps some part of her she didn’t want to acknowledge knew that Buck would hover over her, trying to protect her from any hurt. She wanted to be gone and had little patience for hovering. He didn’t look at her when she went up to his room to tell him goodbye. Her guilt was great. She recalled Emma’s words that if she wasn’t careful, she would end up losing Buck. “Buck, please…I don’t want to leave on bad terms.” She pleaded. He turned to face her stonily. “Then don’t leave.” She sighed. “I’m not asking you to not ever go; just wait until I can go with you.” He continued. “I want to go now, Buck, and get it over and done. Besides, one of us needs to be here. As soon as you’re able to get around, I’m sure Rachel will want to get back to Rock Creek. I don’t think Lou is ready to take care of this place and Jeremiah and Theresa on her own yet.” She tried to explain all the reasons she had come up with in her head for Buck not going. “I just don’t understand, Christy. What is so important about going? Kid is dead!” His words were harsh, but his tone gentle. “I just need to see it, Buck. I need to see where he’s buried.” “And Hickok’s going with you.” He stated bitterly. “Yes.” She nodded. “But, Buck, surely you know that doesn’t mean anything! I love you! As soon as I’m back, we’ll make plans for a wedding, I promise. Just please, let me have this time to say goodbye to Kid.” His expression was one of defeat. He studied her with sad eyes. “I’m tired of excuses.” She touched his cheek. “It’s not an excuse.” She kissed him goodbye and started to leave. Buck grabbed her and pulled her to him until their foreheads touched. His eyes were tightly closed and his brow wrinkled. “I’ll be back, Buck, I promise.” She whispered. She left then, pulling the door shut softly behind her. He stared at nothing for a long while, thinking of her words. One lone tear trickled down his cheek. “But I may not be here.” He finally said. The journey to Arkansas was long, but passed companionably. It had been a long time since Christy had spent so much time with Jimmy and Cody. Despite her worry about Buck, she found herself enjoying their company. The farther South they traveled, the warmer it became. Many a year had passed since Christy had lived in Arkansas. She had forgotten how densely wooded the land was and how severe the humidity. She had gotten used to the open plains and the wild winds of Nebraska. Also, she had failed to remember the huge, blood-sucking mosquitoes that populated the area. Jimmy spent much of his time slapping at the pests in annoyance. “There’s more dern bugs in this state than there are people.” He grumbled as he wiped bug guts from his face and neck. “Hickok, there’s more bugs in the world than people; everybody knows that.” Cody admonished. He had been forced to remove his jacket, but still managed to look cool and unperturbed in his buckskin pants and white shirt. “Well, if that’s true, then most of the bugs must be in Arkansas.” He scratched at his arms. “These dern skeeters have about ate me alive.” Cody looked up at the trees thoughtfully. “An old Indian man told me once about a plant that would keep them from biting you. Now what was it called? He was really old, must’ve been about a hundred.” Jimmy looked at his friend impatiently. Cody rambled on a few more minutes about the Indian before finally deciding he didn’t have a clue as to what kind of plant would ward off mosquitoes. Christy caught the venomous glare Jimmy threw at Cody and she laughed. He turned his glare onto her. “How come they ain’t biting you?” She shrugged. “They never have like me much. Must have bad blood.” He snickered. She reached across her horse to slap his arm and he grinned at her devilishly. They stopped just before dark to make camp. Cody went off in search of a couple of rabbits for supper, while Jimmy built a fire. Christy perched on a log and watched him gathering twigs and branches. She was amazed at how comfortable she felt around him, considering the circumstances for their parting hadn’t exactly been pleasant. He noticed her staring at him. “Something on your mind?” “Not really.” She hesitated. “I was just thinking how good it is to see you again. I wish you would have come before now.” “Well, I didn’t figure I would be exactly welcome.” He answered offhandedly. “Jimmy, I told you when you left that I still wanted to be friends.” Christy leaned forward, speaking intently. His brown eyes showed a flash of pain. “That ain’t exactly how Buck feels though, is it? He didn’t want me to come with you.” “He didn’t want me to come at all.” Jimmy shook his head, his long brown hair shaking slightly. “No, if you and Cody had been by yourself, Buck wouldn’t have minded.” She had to admit she agreed with him. “Can you blame him, Jimmy? Buck sees you as a threat. He’s asked me to marry him a hundred times and I still turn him down. Then you show up and before he can turn around, I take off to parts unknown with you.” He looked at her strangely. The firelight danced in his eyes and cast shadows on his face. “I am still a threat, Christy. If you gave me half a chance, I’d ride out of here tonight with you and Buck be damned.” She sat on her log stunned that he would have the audacity to come right out and tell her that. Then again, Jimmy had never been one to cover up his feelings. Unsure of how to answer him, she decided that silence would be her best defense. Just when the quiet was becoming uncomfortable, Cody arrived with a couple of squirrels in each hand. Jimmy walked over to his palomino and removed a flask from his saddlebag. Cody watched as he took a long drink. Christy knew Cody was trying very hard to bite his tongue and she also knew that he had never had much luck at keeping his mouth shut. “Jimmy, what are you doing?” His tone conveyed his disgust. “What does it look like I’m doing, Cody? I’m getting a drink.” Jimmy shot back. “I know that.” Cody sighed. “What I mean is, you’re drinking whiskey.” “Something wrong with that?” Christy pursed her lips at the exchange. She too had been wondering about Jimmy’s drinking, but didn’t have quite the nerve to ask. Cody squatted down in the dirt to skin the squirrels. He concentrated hard on the task, obviously trying to control his temper. “I just don’t understand you, Hickok.” He said finally. “Yeah?” Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up, a sure sign he was aggravated. “Well, then why don’t you tend to your business and I’ll stick to mine.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Cody asked angrily as he stood. “I mean,” Jimmy gestured grandly with his arms, waving the flask around. “We all know you’ve got this perfect little life now…the wife, the baby, the big reputation. But don’t go pushing your opinions off on me.” “Oh, so that’s it, is it? You’re jealous!” Christy decided she had better step in or risk seeing a bloody battle. “Boys, can we argue later? I’m getting a little hungry.” Cody threw a glare Jimmy’s way, but he settled back down to finish preparing the squirrels. Jimmy, for his part, walked off a few feet and continued to nip at his flask. Before long, supper was ready. The three of them sat around the fire and ate the tender meat without talking. Afterwards, they bedded down for the night. Soon Christy could hear Cody’s rhythmic breathing turn into snoring. Unable to sleep herself, she stared up at the moon peeking into the woods that surrounded them. The faint smell of the pine trees drifted down to her and unseen animals rustled the leaves. Sighing she rolled over onto her side. Her breath caught as she saw Jimmy’s eyes glittering back at her in the moonlight. She closed her eyes tightly but she could still feel his gaze boring into her. Uncomfortable, she switched sides so that her back was to him. His words echoed in her head. “I am still a threat, Christy.” As she felt the weight of his stare, she wondered why the thought didn’t entirely upset her.
Chapter EightHelena was a bustling little town situated right on the Mississippi River. As an encampment for the Union Army and the site of a major battle, the people of Helena were glad to finally be rid of the many soldiers and strangers that had populated the place for the last few years. The community was tightly knit and didn’t welcome outsiders and especially not northern ones.Christy, Cody, and Jimmy arrived in Helena early one afternoon. After checking in at the local hotel, they went down to the riverbanks to watch the boats coming in to dock. Men hurried about unloading supplies and passengers disembarked to meet their loved ones. Even though it was early fall, the weather was muggy and very hot. Steely gray clouds hung low in the air, so thick it seemed to Christy that if she reached up she could touch them. It was so humid it was hard to breathe and the only relief was the warm breeze that blew over the water. The trio decided the best course of action would be to seek out the graveyard in the early evening when it would hopefully be cooler. They went back to the hotel and dined in the restaurant, then retired to their respective rooms to bathe and rest. Christy went back to the hotel dining room at six to meet Cody and Jimmy. She felt cool and refreshed from her brief nap. She went outside to wait on a wooden bench and instantly the heat wilted her. So much for it being cooler, she thought. Cody soon arrived, followed shortly by Jimmy. “Dern, it’s hot.” Jimmy grumbled immediately. “I don’t know how a fella can breathe in this place.” “How are we supposed to find out where Kid is buried?” Cody wanted to know. “According to my friend, all the Confederate soldiers were buried in one place on top of this big hill. All we got to do is find out where the hill is.” Jimmy explained. Feeling too hot and irritable to wait around, Christy grabbed the first person that came along and asked the older gentleman for directions. He knew exactly the place they were looking for and pointed the way for them. They sat out, trudging up a worn dirt path. Sure enough, the graveyard was on top of a high hill that had a spectacular view of the forest below. Looking out, all Christy could see were trees and the ever-darkening sky. Storm clouds were brewing to the south and a scorching breeze began to blow. She watched as a flash of lightening lit up the sky in the distance. “We better make this quick.” Jimmy advised. “We can come back tomorrow if you want to stay longer.” The three split up and began to search for Kid’s grave. After a minute, Cody stopped to scratch his head. “You know I just realized that ‘Kid’ ain’t probably gonna be on his marker. What was his real name?” Christy smiled; she knew it had always been Cody’s greatest hope to learn Kid’s birth name. “His name was Jebediah Lapolean.” “Jebediah Lapolean?” Cody scoffed. “What kind of name is that?” She scowled at him. “I don’t know, to be honest. I guess Aunt Martha just thought it would be cute to have her boys named Jed and Jeb. Although no one ever called him Jeb, we always called him Kid.” She turned around to search once more and found it almost immediately. It was almost directly in front of her and she was surprised she hadn’t noticed it before. She approached it slowly and sunk to her knees in front of it. Jimmy and Cody soon realized she had found what she was looking for, but remained back at a respectful distance to give her some time alone. There was just a plain wooden marker with his name etched into it. She noticed that some of the graves had concrete markers and figured there just hadn’t been time to erect one for Kid. The dirt around the grave was still free of grass. There was also a bunch of daisies lying in front of the marker. Christy briefly wondered who would have left flowers for her cousin. She looked up at the tall elm tree that extended its branches protectively over his grave. She hadn’t counted on how much seeing his final resting-place would affect her. Part of her was relieved to finally know where Kid was, and part of her grieved that he wasn’t still alive. The thunder cracked close by, followed by another blinding glare of lightening. Small drops of rain began to fall. “We better go, Christy.” Cody said reluctantly. She nodded mutely and rose. She trailed Cody and Jimmy down the hill, pausing to get one more glance of Kid’s grave. Suddenly, she caught a flash of movement out of the corner of her eye. “What is it?” Jimmy asked, noticing her jump. She pointed to the woods surrounding the cemetery. “Did you see that?” He shook his head. “No, what?” “Never mind. I was just seeing things, I guess.” She frowned slightly. He looked at her doubtfully but turned to leave. Christy followed him dutifully, her mind still on what she had thought she’d seen. For just a brief instant, Christy was sure she had caught a glimpse of a man watching her from behind the cover of the trees. It was probably a deer or something, she told herself sternly. Forcing herself to forget about it, she concentrated on getting back to the hotel before getting caught in the storm. Later that night Christy sat in her hotel room, staring out the window at the torrential rain. When they had returned from the cemetery, the three of them had split up to go to their own rooms. At first Christy had been glad to be alone for awhile to sort out her thoughts but soon she felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness. She had known all along what she was coming to find, but still the shock of actually seeing Kid’s real grave had been surprising. A soft tapping at her door interrupted her thoughts. Cody stood leaning against the doorframe. “Hey. I didn’t want to bother you, but I wanted to make sure you were alright.” She opened the door wider to let him in. “You’re not bothering me. I’m fine…I was just sitting here watching the rain. Where’s Jimmy?” “Down in the saloon-again.” Cody snorted. “I don’t get it; what’s come over him?” “Who knows?” She shrugged. “He doesn’t exactly tell me his problems anymore.” “Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you are a lot of his problem.” Christy shook her head firmly. “No way, Billy. This is not my fault and I refuse to take the blame for it. If Jimmy can’t move on with his life, that’s his own doing.” “Now, now, don’t get all in an uproar. All’s I’m saying is, you’re like me-a hard person to forget.” He winked at her and she had to laugh. “Come on, I’ll buy you dinner.” She took his hand and they made their way into the dining room. Through the batwing doors that separated the restaurant from the saloon, they could just make out the top of Jimmy’s head. He appeared to sitting at a poker table, engrossed in a game. “Wanna see if he wants to join us?” Cody nodded his head in Jimmy’s direction. She nodded and followed him warily into the saloon. Other than one time before in Rock Creek when Christy had let Cody talk her into stopping by the local tavern, this was the only visit she had ever made to a saloon. She made a mental note to quit going places with Cody so willingly. No one seemed to notice that Christy felt a little out of place. A few men at Jimmy’s table glanced up at her as she approached, but they quickly went back to their game. Jimmy didn’t bother to look at them; he just tossed back a shot of whiskey and concentrated on his cards. “What do you want, Cody?” He finally asked. “Come eat with us, Jimmy.” “In a minute.” He replied. Cody sighed impatiently. “Can’t you come back and play in a little while? I’m starving!” A rough looking man with an oily mustache stared at Cody with irritation. “Didn’t you hear Wild Bill, boy? He said he will be there in a minute.” Jimmy whipped his head around to the man. “I believe I was talking to my friends here. I’d advise you to stay out of it.” The man’s beefy face turned red with anger, but he kept quiet. Evidently his fear of Wild Bill’s reputation overcame his temper. The poker table had gone quiet as everyone waited for what would happen next. With a shake of his head, Jimmy threw down his cards and gathered his little pile of money. “Come on, let’s eat. Fun’s all over here now anyway.” Jimmy walked slowly to the swinging doors; the only sound was his boots thumping on the wooden floor. Cody placed a protective arm around Christy and they hurried after Jimmy. Christy breathed a sigh of relief when they were back on the restaurant side of the building, where the atmosphere was considerably friendlier. Without waiting for Christy and Cody, Jimmy took a seat at a table in the back corner of the room. The waiter approached the group nervously, apparently noticing the grim looks all three wore. They ordered steaks and potatoes and waited silently for their food to arrive. “You happy, Cody? You got me to come eat with you.” Jimmy asked when they had finished. Cody wore an expression of surprise and more than a little hurt. “What’s eatin’ you?” “Nothin’.” He replied in a tone that clearly implied that something was wrong. “Jimmy,” Christy began hesitantly. “I know we haven’t been around each other much in the last few years, but we’re all still friends here. If there’s a problem, maybe talking it over would help. It isn’t like you to drink so much. Billy and I are just worried about you.” He stiffened slightly. “Well, save yourself the trouble. I’m fine.” “You don’t act fine.” Cody was quick to point out. “Look, I told ya, I’m fine. I don’t need you two poking around in my business, alright?” Jimmy sighed, an edge coming into his voice. Christy knew she was pushing him, but she had to try regardless. “Please, Jimmy, don’t shut us out. Remember the old days? When one of us had a problem, we all helped out. That hasn’t changed.” He drummed his fingers on the table and stared at Christy. “Great. Great. That’s just great. Fine, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you every problem I’ve got and it won’t take long, because they all start and end with you!” Christy sat back in her chair, stunned by the venom in his tone. “Me? What are you talking about?” Cody watched them both with his mouth agape. “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Jimmy spat. “You sit over there and act all innocent and wonder why I’m drinking when you know all along it’s because of you!” “How dare you turn this on me!” Her face was red with fast rising anger. “How on earth am I responsible?” “What do you think I’ve been doing these last few years?” He demanded. “I’ll tell you-I’ve been trying to work my butt off doing anything to get my mind off you! And if I have to take a drink or two to do that, then so be it!” “Why did you come with me, Jimmy? Why are you here now, if you’re trying so hard to forget me?” He was silent. Christy snorted furiously. “I know why. You thought if you could get me away from home, away from Buck, that you could win me back, didn’t you?” He turned his face away from her accusing glare. “Answer me!” She shouted, causing the other customers in the restaurant to stare. She reached out to grab his chin, intending to pull his head around and make him face her. Instantly, Jimmy’s hand shot out and he slapped her soundly. The sound seemed to echo in the room, followed by an immediate silence. For a minute no one moved. Jimmy looked at his hand as if it had a life of its own. Christy’s eyes were huge and round and a glowering red spot began to color her cheek. Suddenly Cody jumped from his seat and leapt onto Jimmy, overturning the chair and spilling both of them to the floor. A small scream rose in Christy’s throat and stuck there. She feared they would come to blows but Cody merely straddled Jimmy, pinning him to the ground. She saw both of them struggle to control their tempers, only many years of friendship keeping them in check. “Let me up, Cody!” Jimmy growled. Cody leaned closer to Jimmy and whispered softly. “You ever hit her again, and I’ll forget you’re my friend.” He released his hold on Jimmy and both men stood, warily watching the other. Cody’s light blue eyes were cold as Jimmy retrieved his hat and placed it back on his head. He tossed some coins on the table to pay for his dinner and left without another word. “Can you believe that?” Cody asked, as the front door slammed shut behind Jimmy. “I’m going to talk to him.” Christy stated as she moved to follow him. “Christy!” Cody grabbed her arm. “Are you crazy? He just hit you! Why are you chasing after him?” She shook her head. “He’s still my friend, Billy, and he’s hurting.” She removed her arm from Cody’s grasp and hurried after Jimmy. She paused outside the restaurant; unsure of which direction Jimmy would have gone. The night had grown pitch black and although the rain had settled into just a steady shower, it still made visibility difficult. She heard movement to her right and she went toward the sound. She found Jimmy standing just around the corner of the hotel building. He was pacing, with his hands shoved into his pockets and his face turned up to the sky. He seemed oblivious to his surroundings. “Jimmy!” She called to him. She picked her way carefully through the mud to get to him. “Leave me be, Christy!” He replied. “No!” She answered defiantly. “Not until you talk to me. You walked away from me once, I won’t let you do it again!” He finally stopped long enough to look at her. His hands rested on his lean hips as they stood there in the dark and rain. “You made your choice, now live with it!” “I don’t regret it either.” She said softly. “But why does that mean the end of you and me? Why can’t we be friends?” “Because!” He shouted, slinging water from the brim of his hat. “I still love you! I can’t move on! It was one of the hardest things I’d ever done to leave you. And every time I see you with him…” They contemplated each other silently. Christy’s hair had come loose from the bun she usually wore and it hung in wet strings down her back. Even then, with water streaming down her face and her dress sticking to her body, Jimmy thought she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Knowing he couldn’t have her, that she belonged to Buck, filled him with agony. “I love you, too, Jimmy.” She finally spoke. “But it’s not enough. What I feel for Buck…it goes beyond that. I love him, but also, I need him. He completes me. He’s like my other half, Jimmy. When I’m afraid, he’s brave; when I’m tired, he gives me strength. You and me could never be like that, Jimmy. We would destroy each other.” His look was stubborn. “Why?” “You need someone who can take care of you, someone who won’t mind the craziness of living with ‘Wild Bill’, a woman who doesn’t mind being left at home when you get in your moods to be alone.” She touched his arm gently to ease the hardness of her words. “I’m not that person, Jimmy. We’re too much alike, too needy. I can’t be strong for you like you need.” “You’ve thought about this a lot.” He commented, ducking his head. She smiled slightly. “Well, I’ve had four years but really I think I just figured it out. I just hope I’m not too late.” “Would you hate me if I said I hope you are?” He asked. “We both have to let go, Jimmy. It’s time. Buck told me he thought I was as upset over losing you as I was Kid. I didn’t understand him at the time, but now I know what he meant. I’ve been hanging on to you. Part of me likes the fact that you are still in love with me. But it’s not fair-to you, or to Buck.” Christy felt like she had just reached a major turning point. Suddenly, she wanted nothing more than to be home. “My feelings ain’t gonna change.” He insisted. She stepped closer and hugged him tightly. “Yes, they will. You’ll find some silly girl that will sweep you off your feet and you’ll forget all about me.” Jimmy returned her embrace and rested his chin on the top of her wet head. “It would take something more than another woman to make me change my mind about you. You forget, I’ve already been trying that for the last few years.” “Yes, and I want you to stop that nonsense, too. That’s not you, Jimmy.” Her voice was muffled against his chest. “Let’s get you out of this rain.” They went back inside the hotel and walked back to her room. They stood dripping outside her door, unsure where exactly their talk had left them. Jimmy swallowed and reached out to tenderly touch the cheek he had slapped earlier. “Sorry about that.” Christy shrugged. “It’s alright.” “He better realize what he’s got in you.” He shook his head slowly. “He does.” Christy replied sadly. “I was the one who didn’t know how lucky I was.” “Well.” He sighed. “I think Cody can see you back safely. I’m gonna head out.” “Where will you go?” She panicked for a minute, not wanting him to leave her. “Don’t know.” He raised one shoulder. “Might try my luck with the Army some more.” She nodded, a lump forming in her throat. He gently kissed her forehead, not trusting himself to go any farther. Tears filled her eyes. “Will you visit?” Her voice was pleading. Painful as it was for both of them, she still couldn’t imagine a life without him. “Maybe.” The way he said it told Christy he was lying. “So long.” He whispered and headed to his own room to gather his things. She bit her lip and the tears spilled over. She knew she would probably never see Jimmy again.
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