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It was May 1865 and the long war was finally over. Prisoners, those who hadn’t died from starvation and disease, were being released. Although they were free, most of the men wished they were dead, too. Smallpox, dysentery, and lack of food had ravaged their bodies, leaving most of them scarred, crippled, or worse. In Alton, Illinois one of the worst prisons in the history of the Civil War was shutting its doors. In addition to the constant threat of sickness, the filth and depression constantly battled to break the spirits of the Confederate soldiers trapped within. To be a prisoner at Alton guaranteed that death was almost certain to follow. Into the bright light of day stumbled one soldier who hadn’t died in Alton’s walls. Although weak and almost a skeleton of his former self, the soldier’s determination carried him on when lesser men would have fallen. The former prisoner had been transferred to Alton two years ago when the prison in Memphis had become overcrowded. Only one thought sustained him throughout the dark horrors of the nights he spent shivering and covered with his own filth. He had a family to get home to. Freedom represented another problem to many of the men. Families had scattered and buildings had been destroyed. Most didn’t know where home was anymore. Not this soldier. He headed west. Never did it enter his mind that those he loved would no longer be there waiting for him. To admit that would be his final defeat. The war may have broken his body, but as long as he made it back to his family, he would still have won.
Chapter One
Christy Tunstall angrily rapped the knees of the young man sitting beside her. “Jeremiah, for the love of all that’s holy and good, would you please sit still!”Jeremiah McCloud was a strapping fellow of fourteen now, but he still knew better than to try Christy’s patience, especially when she gave him that look. “Sorry, Christy. It’s this dern-er, sorry, it’s this shirt. I ain’t used to wearing them buttoned up all the way.” Sweetwater was having a picnic and parade to celebrate the end of the war. The town’s mayor, Mr. Bradley M. Wentworth was in the process of reading aloud the Declaration of Independence. The whole community listened quietly and proudly to the words of the document signed by the forefathers so long ago. Everyone listened, except for Jeremiah that is. Not often did the occasion arise in Sweetwater to don fancy apparel. Even in church, Jeremiah could usually get away with his everyday shirt and pants as long as they were neat and pressed. Christy had decided that today should be different. She had made all of them wear their best clothes. Buck had donned a jacket and string tie and his long, coal black hair was slicked down neatly. Christy and Theresa both wore long dresses that reached to their shoe tops. Jeremiah seemed to be the only one suffering from his attire. He pulled at the shirt collar and scratched because of the itchy jacket. It was his constant wiggling and tugging that caused the reproach from Christy. Thankfully, the reading was soon over and Jeremiah could escape to happier pursuits. As soon as he was out of eyesight, he escaped the confines of his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. His younger sister looked after him distastefully. “Jeremiah don’t know how to be a gentleman.” Theresa said with disgust. Christy had to laugh. “I believe you’re right. I’ve tried to convert your brother, but he still refuses to behave.” “I don’t know.” Buck disagreed. “I think you’ve done an alright job with me.” Christy gazed at him, her look appreciative. “You do look mighty nice today, Mr. Cross.” He leaned closer to her and grinned wickedly. “Nice enough to kiss?” “Are you guys gonna do that mushy stuff again?” Theresa whined. The mood broken, Christy ruffled the little girl’s blonde hair. “No, since you fussed at us, I guess we won’t.” The three of them made their way through the crowded streets to the buckboard. Christy unpacked the picnic basket waiting in the back and they sat together and ate. The day was sunny and warm, the first in a about two weeks. Steady rains had been falling on Sweetwater for so long most of the town had forgotten what the sun looked like. Christy watched the many townspeople that walked by and thought what a bittersweet occasion this was. The war was over, but at what cost? There was Mrs. Smith whose husband had been killed during the first year of the war. Mrs. Parker had lost two of her boys and the Jamisons had just recently learned that their only child Steven had died in a prison. It seemed as if every person in Sweetwater had been touched by the war in some way. And of course, Christy herself had her own sorrow. Her cousin Kid had been taken prisoner during the first year of the Civil War. Numerous attempts to locate him had gone in vain. The only thing Christy had learned was that if Kid had actually lived to make it to a prison, he was probably dead now. Conditions and supplies were so bad that if soldiers hadn’t killed him, disease had. It was the hardest thing Christy had ever done to accept that her cousin was gone. She knew if it hadn’t been for Buck, she would still be trying to find Kid. He had gently pointed out to her that every time she thought she had found a lead to Kid’s whereabouts and then it didn’t work out, her spirits would be crushed again. Was it really worth it to build up her hopes for nothing, he asked? Finally, she agreed that it was time to let Kid go. Without being asked, Buck had erected a marker behind the house as a grave for Kid. It was a place Christy could go and pray that her cousin was at rest. Kid’s “grave” was a place she visited everyday. It made her feel closer to him somehow, even if his actual body wasn’t buried there. Telling Kid’s wife had been harder. Shortly after his disappearance, Louise had moved back to Rock Creek to live with Rachel. After the soldiers had notified them of Kid’s capture, Lou had taken to the bed where she stayed all day and night. She neither slept nor ate, or cared for Jeremiah and Theresa, her brother and sister for whom she had assumed guardianship. Lou had accepted Christy’s belief that Kid was dead quietly, as she did most everything now. Rachel had hoped bringing her to Rock Creek would help Lou recover some, but there was no obvious change. Due mostly to Rachel’s insistence, Lou got out of bed every morning and tended to her daily business, but no more was the fiery sparkle in her eyes. Jeremiah and Theresa had resented their sister for leaving them in Sweetwater, but they soon adapted to her absence. Christy and Buck became caretakers to them; raising them with a firm but loving hand. It was hard for the children to not think of them as surrogate parents, even though they weren’t married. The fact that Christy and Buck weren’t united in holy matrimony worried Jeremiah and Theresa endlessly. They were obviously in love; always doing “mushy stuff” as Theresa like to call it, but Christy continued to live in the main house with them and Buck stayed in the bunkhouse. It was all very puzzling. Sitting in the back of the buckboard, eating her sandwich and watching Buck and Christy smile lovingly at each other, Theresa hoped she would never be a grown up. None of them seemed to have good sense. Buck and Christy were in love but wouldn’t get married, and Louise was like a shadow, only moving when someone else did. It must be the love stuff, Theresa thought wisely. If she had to grow up, she would most certainly never fall in love. Jeremiah came running by, pausing long enough to grab a sandwich before giving chase to his best friend, Peter Martin. Theresa wrinkled her nose. Who would want to kiss a boy anyway? The parade soon began. Christy, Buck, and Theresa lined up to watch as several local cowboys rode their horses up and down the streets. The mayor walked by waving and then the Marshall. Finally a rag-tag little band marched to the front of the crowd, stopped, and began to play a slightly off-key version of “Taps”. Tears burned Christy’s eyes and she felt Buck squeeze her hand. She noticed she wasn’t the only one affected by the music. Most of the women and several of the men wiped at their eyes and produced handkerchiefs. The band finished and trotted off. For a minute everyone was motionless; then the spell was broken and the festivities continued. Buck guided Christy and Theresa back to the buckboard, managing to catch Jeremiah by one arm as he flew past. The little group made their way slowly out of town and headed towards home. Soon enough, the white two-story house surrounded by the picket fence loomed over the horizon. Buck and Jeremiah put away the horses in the stables while Christy changed into an everyday dress and went to sit in the porch swing. An evening breeze began to blow, cooling her bare feet. Theresa brought her doll, Mrs. Annabelle Mumblepuss, and played quietly on the porch steps. Christy sighed contentedly. Buck soon joined her and noticed her quiet mood. “Have you had a good day?” He asked. “Yes, I’m glad to be home, though.” She smiled, looking out at the darkening prairie. Evening was the best time of day to her. The crickets chirped and frogs croaked. It was so peaceful, it was hard to believe, just a few states away, fire and cannons had devastated the countryside. “I was afraid today would upset you.” Buck confessed. Christy shook her head. “Actually, I think it was just the opposite. It feels final, somehow, as if I’ve at last realized he’s not coming home.” Buck was quiet for awhile, then: “We should bring Lou back here to stay.” “Yes.” She agreed. “Especially with Rachel being courted by Rock Creek’s new librarian. She can hardly be expected to make a life of her own with Louise so dependent upon her. Besides, Lou is my family, I should be the one responsible for her.” “You don’t think the trip would be too hard for her?” The concern is his liquid dark eyes touched Christy’s heart. “No, the doctor says she’s fine physically. Besides, maybe being around Jeremiah and Theresa again will help her.” Buck looked doubtful. “She never even looks at them when we visit.” “I know.” The worry was evident in her voice. “I just feel so helpless. There must be something we can do to help her.” He was silent. They had both tried everything they could to bring some life to Lou again. It seemed hopeless. The rare times she did talk, it was as if she were living in the past, when Kid had still been with her. She mentioned often that she hoped Cody and Jimmy would quit keeping her awake at night with their snoring, even though it had been several years since she had slept in the bunkhouse with the boys and months since any of them had heard from Jimmy. As the last light fell across the plains, Buck went inside to prepare supper. Christy made her way slowly to the spot where Kid’s grave marker stood. She knelt on the ground and ran her hand across the smooth boards, carefully sanded by Buck. An ache formed in her heart as she mourned the cousin she had loved so much. “Oh, Kid.” She whispered. “I wish you were here.” A sense of peace stole over her as she prayed silently. It had been a long four years of searching and grieving. At last, she felt ready to put it behind her and move on with her life. Their life, she corrected herself, for she couldn’t imagine any kind of existence without Buck. For three years, Christy had been putting him off. He had asked her to marry him on Christmas Day, 1862. The small ring he offered was a simple band of gold. She loved Buck, that she couldn’t deny, but Christy didn’t think it was right to marry him. She could think of nothing but Kid. She didn’t want to take any time away from her search for something as frivolous as getting married. Besides, what if they found Kid? She wanted him to be at her wedding. It was the closest she ever came to losing Buck. He was patient and understanding. After all, he had lost his dearest friend Ike, who had been shot when he stepped in the middle of a standoff between his girl, Emily, and the man who had killed her father. Buck knew about heartache. He just didn’t understand why Christy kept turning him down. They could be married quickly and quietly by the Marshall, no ceremony or guests. In fact, he preferred it that way. Buck still held onto enough of his Kiowa beliefs that he felt unnerved by the idea of a traditional Christian wedding. However, he loved Christy enough to do it for her. He would do anything, if she would just marry him. Still, she refused. Buck was also afraid that Jimmy played a part in it. James Hickok had been Christy’s beau when she first arrived in Rock Creek. He had asked Christy to marry him, too, but she had decided to try and make a life with Buck instead. Jimmy had left for parts unknown and they had heard from him only once. Christy had requested that he try to find out any information about Kid. He had written a letter to say he was unable find the location of Kid’s imprisonment. Although he used to visit Lou often, he would always find a way to avoid coming to Sweetwater. Christy was saddened by her lost friendship with Jimmy. She reassured Buck countless times that her love was for him only, but she had wanted to maintain some kind of relationship with Jimmy. At first she had hoped Jimmy stayed away to give everyone some time to put hurt feelings behind them, but now four years later, she realized he didn’t visit because he didn’t want to see her. It hurt her pride some; still she had never regretted her choice. Christy leaned her head against Kid’s grave marker and sighed. “What should I do, Kid? I think we’re going to bring Lou here to stay again. I wish I could just find some way to bring some life back into her. Your being gone has been real hard on all of us, but she’s taken it pretty bad. She just misses you, I guess. So do I.” Her only answer was the soft wind that caressed her cheek and the far off hoot of an owl. Presently she rose and dusted off her skirts. She started back to the house and found Buck waiting for her by the back gate. He smiled as she approached, his eyes twinkling in the moonlight. “I was just coming to get you. Are you hungry?” “A little.” She admitted. “You alright?” “I will be.” He led her inside the cozy lamp lit house and distracted her from any thoughts of Kid until finally he left for the bunkhouse for the night. When at last Christy lay in her bed, she was so tired she quickly fell into a deep sleep. For once she wasn’t plagued by her usual nightmares of terrible things happening to Kid. Instead she dreamed that she and Buck were married and were expecting their first child. Even in her sleep, it seemed Christy had finally begun to let her cousin go.
Chapter Two
Mornings were a busy time around the Shannon place. Jeremiah and Theresa each had their own chores to do. Theresa’s included gathering eggs from the hen house and feeding the chickens and Jeremiah took care of the horses.Jeremiah’s favorite horse was Katy, the brown and white paint that had belonged to Kid. The mare had a fine sprinkling of gray on her velvety nose now, but she was still one of the best horses in the stable. The men who came to buy and trade with Buck always wanted to know how much she cost. Christy refused to sell Katy at any price. It was while Jeremiah was brushing Katy down that the buckboard pulled into the yard. He looked up when he heard the chattering of many voices. A woman and a man were unloading several children from the back. Warily he made his way toward them; Jeremiah had never cared for strangers. “Hello.” He said politely. “Well, hello, there.” The woman greeted him. She searched him up and down with her brown eyes. “Let me guess; you’re Jeremiah.” He frowned a bit. “Do I know you, ma’am?” She laughed, her hand automatically seeking her belly. She was with child, Jeremiah noticed. “No, but I know your sister, Louise, and you look enough like her for me to figure out who you are.” Just then Christy arrived. Breathlessly she smiled at her visitors. “Hello! I’m sorry, if you’re looking for horses Buck has gone hunting. I’m afraid I don’t know much about them, but you’re welcome to wait if you’d like.” The man finished corralling the children and walked up to his wife. He tipped his hat to Christy and offered his hand. “Actually, we’re looking for the folks who bought this place. I guess they must be around here somewhere if Jeremiah is here.” Christy placed a protective arm around the boy’s shoulders. “This is the old Shannon place, but we live here now. How do you know Jeremiah?” The woman stepped forward. “I’m sorry, we’re looking for Kid and Louise. We’re old friends. I’m Emma and this here’s my husband, Sam Cain.” “Emma? Emma Shannon?” Christy asked, surprised. “Well, it’s Emma Cain now, but yes, I used to be Shannon.” Christy broke into a warm grin. “Well, we haven’t met but I’ve heard a lot about you, Mrs. Shan-uh, Cain. I’m Christy Tunstall. I’m the Kid’s cousin.” Emma grasped Christy’s shoulders and studied her. “So you are! I can see it now, something about the eyes. Well, now, it’s a real pleasure to meet you!” Christy watched in amusement as four children circled Emma’s skirts. “As you can probably tell, these are my little ones: Sammy Jr., the twins, Bobby and John, and this is little Mary Margaret.” Emma rubbed her stomach again. “And this here little fellow has yet to make his appearance, but when he does, his name will be William.” “How do you know it will be a boy?” Christy asked, fascinated. “Oh, I can just tell. When you have carried as many as I have, you get to know the feeling of a boy or a girl.” She explained. Sam desperately tried to keep the children quiet and still, but they ignored him and continued to tug at Emma. All four children had noticed Theresa’s arrival from the hen house. They stared at Jeremiah and Theresa, clearly wanting to be turned loose to play with them. Emma glanced down at them lovingly, clearly not flustered by the amount of noise they were emitting. “Go on and play, I know that’s what you’re wanting to do. Sammy, you watch out for your brothers and sister.” “Yes, ma.” He turned and ran off, the others quickly following. After a moment’s hesitation, Jeremiah joined them. Christy, Emma, and Sam walked to the porch where they could watch the children running about. Christy went inside to fix them all lemonade then she joined Emma on the swing. Despite just meeting her, Christy had already taken an immense liking to the woman. Kid and Jimmy had told her numerous stories of Emma and her mothering so Christy was not surprised at her large family. Sam removed his hat and leaned back against the porch railing. He lit a cigar and puffed it contentedly. “You’ve done a real nice job with the place here, Miss Tunstall.” “Thank you. Please, call me Christy.” Emma gently touched her knee. “I don’t mean to sound like I don’t like your company, but where are Kid and Lulabelle?” Christy hesitated. She had been dreading this question. “Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but-there’s no easy way to say this-my cousin is dead, Mrs. Cain.” “Dear Lord!” Emma gasped, her hand rising to her throat. “What happened?” “Kid joined the Army right after the war started. He was taken prisoner by the Union side. We were never able to find him.” “Then there’s still hope…” Emma said faintly. “No.” Christy shook her head firmly. “If Kid was alive, he would have contacted us by now. It’s been four years, Mrs. Cain. I truly believe my cousin is deceased.” For a moment there was silence, then Sam spoke: “Real sorry to hear that, Christy. Kid was a fine man.” “Yes, he was.” Emma agreed softly. Christy swallowed and nodded her head once. “Thank you. It’s been real hard on all of us.” Emma’s eyes flew to her face. “Louise? Is she alright?” Christy averted her eyes. “As I said, it’s been difficult. Probably more so for Lou than anyone. She’s been staying the last few years in Rock Creek with Rachel Dunne, the lady who took your position. Lou-well, she’s changed. Doctor said it’s the stress from the trauma of losing Kid. Physically, she’s fine, but her mind…” “You poor children.” Emma murmured. “Did I hear you say Buck was here?” Sam spoke up. Her face softened and her eyes lit up at the mention of his name, a fact that didn’t escape Emma. “Yes. He came to stay with us shortly after the Rock Creek station was closed. When Lou became…sick, he helped me take care of Jeremiah and Theresa.” Emma decided to keep quiet about the feelings she suspected were between Christy and Buck. If the girl wanted them to know, she would tell them. Instead, Emma inquired about the others. “Have you kept in touch with the boys? Where’s Cody and Jimmy? And Mr. Spoon?” Again Christy felt a sadness pull at her heart. “Well, Cody is still doing some scouting with the Army. He got married not long after the war started.” “Married!” Emma exclaimed. “I would have thought he would be the last one to get married!” Christy had to smile. “I was surprised myself. Louisa is a handful though; she keeps Billy on his toes. I think she’s been doing some work advocating women’s rights and she brings him right along with her.” “Mercy!” Emma laughed. “I suppose it would take a strong woman to keep a hold on him.” “I think you’re right! We haven’t seen them in about a year, but we love for them to visit. Billy has also started doing some acting in plays and such. It seems he acquired quite a reputation while scouting and he plays himself in skits for small groups.” “Well, Cody was always a bit overly dramatic.” Sam chuckled. “And the others?” Emma inquired. The happiness seemed to drain from her face. “I haven’t heard from Jimmy in four years, although he used to visit Lou some in Rock Creek. I don’t think she’s seen him in months, though. The last time Jimmy was here was when Teaspoon died.” Sam looked up quickly and Emma gasped. “Mr. Spoon is dead?” “Yes.” She said quietly. “He was killed trying to break up a fight between two boys. One of the boys stabbed him with a knife and he died soon after.” “Ya’ll have had a rough few years.” Sam sympathized. “I sure hate it, Teaspoon was a tough old bird.” “I miss him a great deal.” Christy admitted. “I know he meant a lot to Kid.” “So you and Buck have been staying here since Lou went to Rock Creek?” Emma asked after a few minutes of silence. Christy nodded. “At first we were just going to stay to keep the place up until Kid returned, but, well, we’ve been here ever since…” “I guess you’re lookin’ after Lou’s brother and sister, too.” Sam commented, watching them run and play with his own children. “Well, there weren’t exactly many options for them. I’m the only family they have outside of Lou and she’s been in no condition to care for them.” Christy replied. “Besides, I’ve grown rather attached to them.” Emma watched the younger girl before her compassionately. Emma had always been known for her motherly attitude and she felt those maternal instincts wanting to comfort Christy. The girl had obviously been through a lot in the last few years, yet it hadn’t destroyed her. As Sam smoked his cigar, he examined Christy through half closed eyes. “Say you’re the Kid’s cousin?” “Yes, I lived with his family after my parents died. After we were separated, I never thought I’d see him again. I heard a rumor that someone called Kid was working in Rock Creek and I knew I had to find out if it was him, so that’s how I found him.” She explained. A lone rider appeared over the horizon. Christy shaded her eyes with one hand. “That’s Buck.” Again, Emma caught the sudden happiness in the girl’s tone. Emma wondered why they hadn’t married. Could it be that Buck didn’t return Christy’s feelings? Buck galloped into the yard and hastily tied his horse to the corral fence. A large grin was stretched across his face before he even made it to the porch. “Well, there you are!” Emma called to him. She rose and greeted him with a hug. “Emma!” He said happily. Turning to Sam he clasped his hand and patted his shoulder. “I can’t believe you’re here!” “What brings you out this way?” Buck asked. “Well, I’m taking a new position. I’m gonna work as a new Marshall in Missouri for a bit. Try to help some of those folks do some rebuilding from the damage of the war. We thought we might as well stop by since we were headed this way.” Sam replied. “Glad you did!” Buck looked out into the yard where the children were still playing. “All those belong to you?” Emma chuckled. “Yep. They’re my pride and joy.” “And one more on the way!” Sam added. Buck shook his head in disbelief but decided against saying anything. Emma nodded wisely at his look. “Don’t you worry, you’ll have your own someday!” Buck glanced quickly at Christy who felt her face redden. Emma caught Sam’s eye and winked at him. Sam just laughed to himself. He knew very well what Emma was up to. It was this very kind of teasing that had made him fall in love with Emma in the first place. “Well.” Christy said, more to change the subject than anything. “I guess I better find something to feed all these youngsters.” “Let me help.” Emma insisted and the two women headed inside. Buck and Sam made themselves comfortable once more on the porch. The morning was quickly heating up and the day promised to be a fine one. Buck listened to the children scream and laugh. He felt a momentary stab of jealousy for his friend. “You’re very lucky to have such a large family.” He told the older man. Sam ran a hand through his sandy brown hair and sighed. “Yeah, I know it. They’re a handful, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.” He turned his attention to the barn. “You’ve started trading some horses, I hear.” Buck nodded. “It’s been some income for us. Teaspoon showed me where to find the best horses and how to get the most money back when I was working for the Express.” “Christy told us what happened to him. It’s a damn shame.” Sam looked at Buck. “We got a telegram from Hunter that told us what happened to your friend, Ike. I’m real sorry about that, Buck.” He swallowed. “Thank you. It’s one reason I wanted to come back here to stay; I feel closer to Ike here.” “One reason?” Sam asked casually. “You mean there are others?” Buck noticed the joshing tone in Sam’s voice. He smiled shyly. “Well, a couple…” “I don’t guess that gal in there has anything to do with it?” Sam gestured his head back towards the house. He grinned as Buck blushed and looked at his boots. “Hell, don’t be ashamed of it. I’ve felt that way before about somebody.” “Emma?” “Who else?” He demanded. “Christy seems like a nice girl, Buck. You could do worse than settle down with her.” Buck avoided Sam’s gaze. How could he explain that he wasn’t the one who didn’t want to settle down? It was his greatest hope that someday Christy would finally agree to marry him. Dinner was a happy, noisy affair. The Cain children all clamored to be heard above the rest. Jeremiah and Theresa seemed thrilled to have someone to play with finally. When they finished eating, all six of them trooped upstairs to play in the bedrooms. Buck and Sam went to the barn to examine the horses and Christy’s ears rang with the silence that followed. She jumped as footsteps thundered overhead, but Emma didn’t even look up. “You get used to the noise after awhile.” Emma explained. “Besides, it kind of reminds me of when the boys were all in the bunkhouse. I never quite got used to it just being me and Sam, so I knew I wanted lots of babies.” “Maybe I’ll have my own someday.” Christy said hopefully. “Although maybe not as many as you have!” “Buck would make a good daddy.” Emma replied conversationally. “However many you have.” Surprised, Christy jerked her head around to look at her. “What makes you think that we would have children together?” Emma casually pushed her long reddish brown braid over one shoulder. “Now, it’s none of my business, and you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to, but I get the feeling that you and Buck are more than just friends.” “Is it that obvious?” She asked softly. Emma nodded. “To one who knows the signs, it is. You shine like new money every time you say his name and I dare say he hasn’t stayed here for four years just because he likes the place.” Suddenly Christy realized how much she missed having another woman to talk with. Although she had become acquainted with several people from town, her focus for the last few years had solely been on finding Kid. There hadn’t been time for making friends. “Oh, Emma!” She cried, glad to have someone to confide in. “I do love Buck! He’s the best friend I have and he’s has stood by me all this time I’ve been looking for Kid.” If Emma was taken aback by Christy’s unanticipated outburst, she didn’t show it. Perhaps too many years of motherhood kept her from being really shocked by anything. Instead, she took Christy by the arm and led her to the table. They sat down in the chairs and Christy told her the whole story. She told Emma about when she first came to Rock Creek and finding Kid, her immediate attraction to Jimmy and their relationship. She explained how when Buck had joined her and Lou in Sweetwater her feelings for him had grown until finally she had to choose between Buck and Jimmy. “So that’s why you haven’t seen Jimmy lately.” Emma sighed. Christy nodded miserably. “I’m not sorry I chose Buck, but Emma, I’d give anything to have Jimmy as a friend again.” Emma patted her hand. “Well, Jimmy has always had a lot of pride and I imagine you stepped on it pretty hard when you decided to stay with Buck. I don’t expect he bears you any hard feelings; he just needs some time to lick his wounds.” “But, Emma, it’s been four years!” “A man’s pride can be a pretty big thing. It might take him a long time to put it behind him.” Emma defended. “Besides, would you or Buck honestly be comfortable if he was here?” “Not really.” She admitted. “I’m gonna be blunt here and ask you something; you can tell me to mind my business if you don’t want to answer me.” Emma paused. “Why aren’t you and Buck married?” Christy looked down at her hands and smiled crookedly. “It isn’t because he hasn’t asked me. He’s asked lots of times. I have just put him off because of Kid…” Emma cut her off. “Because of Kid or because of Jimmy?” “What is that supposed to mean?” Christy asked, her temper immediately flaring. Holding one hand up as a sign of peace, Emma continued. “Now, don’t get riled up. I’m just asking. Looks to me like four years is enough time to make up your mind.” “It isn’t that I haven’t made up my mind. I love Buck. It just didn’t seem right to plan a wedding and celebrate when Kid was hurt or dying…” “So why not now?” Emma demanded. “Huh?” “You said you have accepted Kid is dead. Why don’t you marry Buck now?” Emma’s brown eyes flashed. Christy knew this was one person she wouldn’t be able to put off with excuses. “I don’t know.” She admitted. “The time just hasn’t been right.” Emma leaned over to her and placed her hands on Christy’s shoulders. She looked her directly in the eyes. “If you wait too long, the time just might pass you by. Don’t let a good man like Buck slip through your fingers just because you’re still holding onto the past. Let go of whatever is holding you back, whether it is Kid or Jimmy. I know both those boys would want you to be happy no matter what.” “I know that too, Emma.” Christy averted her gaze from Emma’s piercing stare. “And I will marry Buck. I just want to get our lives back in order first. We’re going to bring Lou back here to stay. It will take awhile to get her settled in. I don’t want to upset her by rubbing it in her face that I have Buck and her husband is dead.” Emma shook her head sadly. “Fine. I just hope you realize what you have in Buck. I would hate to see you lose it.” “I won’t lose him.” She said determinedly. Sensing she would get no further with Christy on the subject, Emma switched the topic to the impending arrival of her new baby. The two women talked until late in the evening and when the men finally came back inside, they drank the hot coffee Emma had made and remembered past times. It wasn’t until Christy had closed her bedroom door and put out her lantern for the night that she realized this was the first day since Buck had made the marker that she hadn’t visited Kid’s grave.
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