The conversation in the room was muted, solemn. Men in dark suits talked of politics and the weather over their punch in hushed tones. The women swished about in their black dresses, desperately trying to look busy by offering sandwiches and cookies to anyone who would stand still long enough. Everyone avoided the far end of the room where the two men sat, one in either corner. Both men were quiet, both wore identical expressions of grief upon their faces. The one on the left blinked his blue eyes rapidly, as if he had dust in them. No one had seen him cry; he wouldn't cry. The one on the right looked stern, but every now and then, a single tear made its way from the corner of his hazel eyes down to his chin, where it dripped unoticed to the floor. At one time the two men had been friends, best friends. They rode together, ate together, hurt together. But war and a woman had come between them and it had been five years since they had last spoken. It was the woman who had brought them together again, finally succeeding in death what she had tried so hard to accomplish in life. "It was a nice funeral, Kid." Jimmy finally said, his voice cracked and rough. Kid nodded, his jaw set and eyes clouded in a way that Jimmy knew meant he was in denial. "Flowers were real pretty." Jimmy tried again. Another nod. "Yeah. She would have liked them." Sighing, Jimmy rose and dusted off the knees of his black pants. When Kid was in the mood to talk, he would, but not until then. He made his way outside, into the large garden she had started in the early spring. He smiled as he pictured her there, on her hands and knees, digging up weeds and lovingly planting the bulbs and seeds. The whole place smelled of honeysuckle and roses, like she so often had. Butterflies flitted here and there, pausing to land lightly on a leaf or a limb. Thinking back to the days when he had first met her, Jimmy would never have thought she'd end up the gardening type, but then, he supposed she hadn't had much to do when the war had come. Kid had left for Virginia not long after their wedding to fight for the cause. Of course, she had gotten her brother and sister back by then; still it wasn't the same as having her husband. Catching a glimpse of movement, Jimmy looked up from the rose bushes he had been studying and saw her siblings standing together just beyond the hedges. The boy had his arm around his little sister. She was crying. Kid would have his hands full now, Jimmy thought. It wouldn't be easy to raise two youngsters all alone. Jimmy walked away to give the children their privacy. Partly he moved for himself, too. What if they saw him and wanted him to comfort them? He barely knew how to contain his own feelings, how could he help others? Since the moment he had read the telegram, Jimmy had felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest, leaving only a gaping, black hole. Certainly she had been sick these past few months, but he had held out hope, waiting for a miracle. She couldn't die, not until he had a chance to tell her all the things he had been thinking these last few years. But she had died, and what was left for him? Nothing but regret, so bitter he believed he would choke on it. He had always bitten back his words, when it came to her. And despite what people thought, Kid had little to do with it. Jimmy did it for her. He knew she loved Kid, belonged with Kid, and so he had sat quietly throughout the years, wanting her, needing her, but knowing he would never have her. The back door squeaked as it opened and Kid appeared on the stoop. He watched as Jimmy carefully touched the blooms on the flowers, as if he thought they might shatter. Kid could see the defeat in his stance, the sadness in the slump of his shoulders. He knew he should go to Jimmy, it's what she would have wanted, but something deep inside him held him back. Kid plucked at a leaf from the ivy that trailed up a trellis beside the door. Suddenly angry, he began to snatch it down in big handfuls. How dare she leave him! How was he supposed to go on without her? And for that matter, why should he? When his rage had passed, he stared down at the piles of torn leaves lying at his feet. Distraught at having destroyed something of hers, he bent and gathered them in his hands, intending to save each and every one of them. Leaves, he thought as the wall of emotion hit him. That was all he had left of her now...leaves and flowers. He sensed rather than heard Jimmy walk up behind him. Pushing a tired hand through his wavy hair, Kid stood and sighed. He would be strong no matter what. "She did an awful lot of work out here." Jimmy commented as if he hadn't noticed Kid's fit of temper. Ducking his head, Kid nodded a little as he squeezed the dark green leaves between his hand. "After we found out we couldn't....have children, she started gardening. It's almost like she thought of these flowers as her babies. She talked to them and cared for them like they were her own." "I guess at least you will always have a part of her here." Kid knew Jimmy's words were meant to comfort, but all he felt like doing was ripping every flower and bush apart, until there was nothing left behind but the wreckage. "I suppose." "I don't guess you've heard from the others?" Jimmy asked, knowing he would get no further with Kid on the subject of her. "Some of them." He replied. "Cody couldn't come, his wife was having problems with the baby. Rachel will be here tomorrow, it was the earliest train she could catch. No one can find Buck." "What about Teaspoon?" Jimmy wanted to know, surprised the older man wasn't already here. Kid gave him a strange look before answering. "He had a stroke, Jimmy. He doesn't even remember us." Jimmy shook his head slightly, his sadness once more threatening to overcome him. "I didn't know." "No, I guess you wouldn't." Kid snapped. "You haven't exactly bothered to keep in touch with anyone." "Kid." Jimmy said warningly, the old familiar anger still quick to rise. "I'm real sorry about that, but that ain't why I'm here." "Why are you here, Jimmy?" He demanded. "You couldn't come see her when she needed you! All those months, she waited for you, so sure you would come." "I couldn't, Kid." Jimmy murmured, hanging his head with shame. The one person he loved more than any other and he had let her down. Kid snorted slightly. "Couldn't? Or wouldn't? She needed you, Jimmy, she needed you and you weren't there. I hate you for that." Raising his head to meet his friend's blue eyes, Jimmy smiled softly. "No more than I hate myself, Kid." They stood opposite each other for a long while, until the anger had drained out of both of them, leaving only the gaping loneliness. Kid thought of having to sleep again that night in their huge empty bed and Jimmy thought of all the things he had wanted to say but now couldn't. United by grief and love, their eyes locked again. "The wildflowers were her favorite." Kid finally spoke. "She liked them because they attracted the butterflies. She would come out in the evening and there would be thousands of them everywhere. I would come home lots of times and find her standing out here, arms spread wide, and the silliest grin on her face. And I would say, 'Lou, honey, what are you doing?' She would just smile at me and say 'Walking with the butterflies'....Oh, God!" His voice broke then and he sank to his knees, the tears finally able to come. Jimmy waited quietly until the worst of it was over, then he squatted down and patted his old friend on the back. For a minute neither said anything, they just gazed out at the tranquility of her garden and the fluttery movements of the butterflies. "Well, that's what she's doing now, Kid." Jimmy said, when the silence had grown too long. "She's walking with the butterflies." Drop Cristy a line and let her know what you think!