It had been five years since Jimmy had rode out of Sweetwater and out of the lives of those he’d considered his family. During that time, he’d never settled down, always going from town to town. For a time he’d been in the mountains of California panning for gold. He’d done well enough for himself in that adventure but his mind always wandered back to those he’d left behind. The guilt over his brother James’s death faded slowly to a tolerable level that allowed him to carry on without self-destructing but he never went a day without thinking of James or the family that was left behind, Louise and Jake. It was those same family ties that brought him to the rise above the small cabin not too far from the town of Rock Creek. As he sat on top of his dun colored horse, he watched the woman in the yard who was hanging laundry on the line while a dark haired little boy played tug of war with a puppy who was determined not to let go of the stick in it’s mouth. A sense of being home again washed over him as he continued to watch the scene below. Doubt over the kind of welcoming he’d receive if he rode down there kept him from rushing down to gather both in his arms. He laughed as Jake fell backwards when the puppy let go of the stick. Lou said something to her son that he couldn’t make out and then the two disappeared around the far side of the house. With a sigh, he turned his horse back towards town and a homecoming where he knew he would be welcomed. The last letter he’d had from Rachel told him that Teaspoon was still the Marshal of Rock Creek and he made his destination the law office. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ He chuckled at the all too familiar scene that greeted him. Deliberately Jimmy banged the door shut, startling the napping man. "W… What?" Teaspoon stammered as he jumped in his chair. His face broke into an ear-to-ear grin at seeing the man who disturbed his sleep. "My god, if it ain't Jimmy Hickok!!!" he exclaimed. Jimmy hurried to him as Teaspoon rose from his chair. The both of them were soon embraced in a hug. "How've you been? It's been so long!" Teaspoon called, holding his 'son' at arm's length, looking him over, checking that he was indeed alive and well. "I'm fine, Teaspoon, really," Jimmy laughed. "I've been traveling. How's everybody?" "Oh, my god!" Teaspoon couldn't get over the shock of seeing his prodigal son back home. "Rachel will be so happy to see you!" "It's good to see you, Teaspoon," Jimmy smiled. "How are you?" "Oh, I can't complain," Teaspoon laughed. "I have two over-protective women to take care of me, not to mention that amazing grandson…" Teaspoon's voice trailed off at the saddened look on the younger man's face. "Have you seen her yet?” Jimmy shook his head. "I watched her from the hill, but didn't have the nerve to go down yet," he admitted. "Is she still angry with me?" "I don't know, son," Teaspoon sighed. "She took it kinda hard that you left her like that after James died. She thought you'd like to stick around and get to know your nephew… I don't know if she's still angry, though. It's been awhile since she mentioned you." Jimmy nodded understandingly. "I can't really blame her for being angry, or even if she hates me. I told her I was planning on using James death as a way out. She wasn't very pleased about it." "I know. She told me. But I think over time she grew to understand it better," Teaspoon tried comforting him. "When you spoke with her the day you left she was still mourning her husband. It was too soon after he had so tragically died and she couldn't calmly think about what you were saying." Jimmy nodded solemnly, still not completely sure of Teaspoon's reasoning. "Tell you what," Teaspoon started again with a smile. "Let's go see Rachel, she should be sending the children back home right about now. Then we can all go to see that sister-in-law of yours." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "Jimmy Hickok!" Rachel cried happily as she came down the school stairs and noticed the two men walking towards her. She ran into Jimmy's embrace. "It's so good to see you, Rachel. You look as beautiful as you did five years ago." "Liar," she smiled and swatted his shoulder. "But, keep on." They started their way towards the old way station, where Rachel still resided. "So, how have you been, Jimmy? It's been too long since your last letter." "I know, Rachel, I'm sorry. For the past few months I tried to figure out how I should continue, where should I go. I ended up deciding to visit my family." "It's probably the smartest decision you could have made," Teaspoon smiled. "Yep. I just hope everyone will feel like you do…" Jimmy replied sadly. "She will," Rachel smiled, understanding immediately what lay so heavily on Jimmy's heart. They stopped at Rachel's house for some coffee and light conversation. It was clear to the three of them that the hardest part was still ahead. After a short hour they were on their way to Lou's place, Jimmy idly riding behind the buckboard in which Teaspoon and Rachel rode. He couldn't help the anxiety he felt at the prospect of seeing his feisty sister-in-law. Over the past five years, he hadn't heard from her directly. He had to admit to himself that he didn't try to make any contact with her either. The only one he sent letters to was Rachel, who in hers, tried to keep him as updated as she could on everyone's doing. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ His heart beat wildly in his chest as the house became visible. He smiled at Rachel who turned in her seat on the buckboard to give him an encouraging smile. His breath got caught him chest at the sight of his one time friend as she came out of the house at the sound of the arriving buckboard. "Rachel, Teaspoon, what are you doing here?" she asked, happy to see them, until her eyes rested upon Jimmy. "What is he doing here?" Rachel jumped of the buckboard and picked up the little boy who ran out of the house at the mention of his grandparents. "Jimmy, you remember little Jake, don't you?" she asked, ignoring Lou's attitude. "I'm not little, gramma," the boy squealed happily. "No, you certainly aren't little anymore, Jake," Jimmy smiled as he approached the boy. "Who are you?" Jake asked defiantly. Jimmy chuckled at the boy's confidence. "I'm your uncle Jimmy, your father's brother." Lou snickered at his words, her face not hiding the resentment she felt. "What are you doing here?" she asked again. "I came home," Jimmy answered simply. "So what are you doing here? This is not your home. It was your brothers'. The one who's been killed because of you! Remember him or did you decide to put his memory to rest as well?" her anger boiling inside, she turned on her heels and ran inside the house, slamming the door behind her. Jimmy shuffled his feet in the dirt, not meeting the gazes of the others. Rachel took Jake's little hand and followed Lou inside, leaving the men outside to talk. Teaspoon shook his head, putting a hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Jimmy. I didn't think she'd still be so angry after all these years." Jimmy nodded, his eyes brimming with tears. "She still blames me for James’s death. She thinks I forgot about him…" his voice was strained, choked with tears. Inside the house Rachel left Jake in the parlor to play while she went to look for Louise. She found her in her bedroom, staring out the window. "How dare he come here after all these years, Rachel?" she whispered. Rachel took a step closer to her, not knowing how close Louise was going to let her come. "You are his only real family, Lou. You and Jake. You know he loves you and you know he loved James with all his heart. He was torn up inside when James died…" "And I wasn't?" Lou cried, cutting off Rachel mid-sentence. "He left me here, without a second thought of what I was going through, without James and a newborn baby I knew nothing about caring for. For five years I haven't heard from him, and now he has the nerve to show up here and call this place 'home'!?" her outburst left her without energy and she collapsed on the rocking chair by the window. Rachel came to sit on the bed edge near her. "I know what you're going through, what you went through, was hard. I've been there, Lou. And Jimmy maybe made a mistake and maybe he did wrong by you…" "Maybe?" Lou couldn't believe Rachel was so light about it. "Hear me out, Lou," Rachel scolded fondly. "I'm not taking any sides here. Jimmy had his reasons. I'm not sure what they all were and I'm not sure I agree with all of them, but what's important is that he's here now and by what he told me he wants to make it right for you and Jake. He wants to make amends, get to know his nephew better," she stopped to take a deep breath. "Aside from him being your brother-in-law, Jimmy was once a close friend to you, and you know how highly James thought about him, how much he loved him. I think you should give him another chance, Lou. If not for yourself, than for Jake and for Kid's sake." Rachel rose, kissed Lou's head, and went outside, leaving Lou to her thoughts. She found Teaspoon and Jimmy sitting in the parlor, playing with Jake. The little boy sat close to his grandfather, still wary of the strange, gruff-looking man. “How’s she doin’?” Teaspoon asked as Rachel took a seat. “Just give her a little time. I think I may have gotten through to her,” she told the men, giving Jimmy a look that caused hope to flare briefly in his heart. “I didn’t think she’d be so mad,” he said quietly, watching Jake searching through his grandpa’s pockets looking for a hidden treat. “Not after all this time…I thought she might have…well, she might have forgiven me for what happened,” he told them. “What happened wasn't your fault Jimmy, ‘n Lou knows that. I think she felt like you abandoned her when she needed you most is all,” Teaspoon said as Jake popped a gumdrop into his mouth from the small bag that had been stashed in one of Teaspoon’s shirt pockets. Standing up and pacing the room, Jimmy started to get upset. “I didn’t abandon her Teaspoon. She told me to leave and she meant it. Lou didn’t want me around and with James gone I didn’t feel like I could stay…” Jimmy swung around as a voice from behind him said, “I never meant for you to leave town Jimmy. I’d just lost James and then you…you go and tell me what you wanted to do. Of course I was angry!” Lou’s eyes became hard. Moving closer, Jimmy stopped in front of her, forcing her to look directly at him. “I was hurtin’ Lou, just the same as you and neither of us was thinkin’ right. You have no idea how much I’ve regretted leaving here, leaving you and Jake.” “Humph!” Lou looked at him in disbelief. “You sure have a funny way of showing it. No word in five years!” Rachel and Teaspoon quietly stood up and left the room, taking Jake with them to go check on his puppy that they could hear crying from the kitchen, allowing the couple to have some privacy while they talked. Throwing his hands up, Jimmy gritted his teeth. The years hadn’t dampened Lou’s spirit he could see. She was as stubborn as ever. “I didn’t think you wanted to hear from me. That day when you told me to go, I knew you meant it Lou. That’s why I left. But I couldn’t run from the past. It haunts me everywhere I go.” He could tell she didn’t believe him. The way she stood with her arms crossed, that little down tilt to her mouth, it all told him she thought he was lying. Moving to stand in front of the window, Lou looked out over the land that she and James had planned on making a living from by raising horses. It looked much the same as the day he died. Wiping a tear that raced down her cheek, Lou demanded to know, “Why did you come back now?” Coming to stand behind her, he gently put a hand on her shoulder, not sure if she’d allow the touch. When she didn’t slap his hand away, Jimmy said softly, “I missed you and Teaspoon and Rachel. I wanted to get to know your son….I wanted some place to call home again.” Looking back at him, her eyes still hard, Lou let him know in no uncertain terms, “This isn’t your home Jimmy. It was your brothers…not yours.” Letting his hand slip off her shoulder, he gave her a dejected look. “I didn’t mean home as in your home Lou. I meant ‘home’ as in where my family was…some place I could put down roots again. But I see that you don’t want that. You don’t want me here. I don’t know what else I can do to show you how sorry I am about James’s death…all I know is if I could change places with him I would.” With a last look, Jimmy walked out the front door and climbed on his horse. Not looking back at the window he knew she still stood by, he rode off towards town. After several minutes a noise from behind told Lou she was no longer alone. “I know you’re hurt sweetheart but I think you’re wrong blaming him. He’s suffered longer and in more ways then you will ever know…and whether you like it or not, Jimmy’s family.” Lou listened to Teaspoon, knowing in her heart that he was right. She knew that it wasn’t really Jimmy’s fault that James had been called out. It wasn’t Jimmy’s fault that he’d been saddled with the moniker ‘Wild Bill’ all those years ago. But she wasn’t going to admit it to anyone. She’d lived with the pain and what she felt was betrayal for so long it was hard to let it go. Not having anything more to say to the young woman, Teaspoon left the house to wait for Rachel by the buckboard. Going in search of her son, Lou found him with Rachel feeding the puppy a piece of bread and butter. Leaving him to his task, Rachel wiped her hands on a towel and gave Lou a hug. “Give it some time Lou,” she said softly. “Give him a chance…” Kissing her cheek, Rachel went and gave Jake a hug with a “I’ll see you soon sweetie!” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jimmy headed into town and straight to the saloon where he intended on drowning his anger in whiskey. Taking a spot at the far end of the bar so he could keep an eye on those coming and going, he ordered a shot and told the barkeep to leave the bottle. He was still standing there nursing a shot glass when Teaspoon found him. “The answer ain’t in the bottom of that bottle son,” his mentor and friend said coming to stand by him at the bar. “There might not be an answer in here but it sure helps to forget!” he grunted, throwing down the shot and pouring another. “But you’ll remember in the morning,” Teaspoon said sadly, leaving the man to his whiskey. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ During the next week, Jimmy avoided Lou as much as he could. On her part, she rarely ever got to town, counting on Teaspoon to help her with the groceries. Over the years, she visited the small town as little as possible. She hated the pity looks people sent her way, and she couldn't bring herself to pass by the place where her husband was killed. The few times she did show up in town were when she visited the cemetery. She'd sit by her husband's grave for hours at a time, talking to him and crying until she dried out of tears. She didn't care what people might think of her, all she knew was that her best friend was gone forever and she felt alone in the world. Sure, she had Teaspoon and Rachel, not to mention her son, but at night, when she'd lay in her bed alone, longing to feel his strong arm around her, she felt lonely and miserable. Every night she'd cry herself to sleep, unable to simply shut the image of her husband from her mind. The only way she'd been able to sleep was when she'd fall asleep, exhausted from crying. Though she was glad her brother-in-law did not bother her again, a part of her was disappointed of the fact. Her feelings were in turmoil. She knew if James was looking down on her, he was probably very disappointed in her. He loved his brother and would probably not hold a grudge against him at being the cause of his death. She believed Jimmy when he said he wouldn't have change places with James of he could, but still, she could not get over the bitterness. Two weeks had gone by since Jimmy reappeared in her life, but she hadn't seen him since that day. Nor did she speak of him with Teaspoon and Rachel, though she did hope one of them would eventually mention him. They never did. She knew he visited with them, but she did not ask and they never volunteered information. It was midday when she made her way out of the house, Jake on her heels, after she's finished with the house chores. She stopped her stride suddenly, causing Jake to bump into her. She wasn't sure how she felt at the sight. Jimmy was walking an unfamiliar horse outside of the stable and into the corral; a couple more strange horses were already ideally running around. When he noticed her standing in the middle of the yard, watching him intently, he waved his hand, and started toward her. "What are you doing here, Jimmy?" she asked unkindly. Jimmy looked around, not sure how to answer her, not wanting to get her all riled up. "I thought maybe I could help you with things around here. I brought those three horses over. Thought I'd train them and then we can sell them…" "I don't need your help," she snapped. Jimmy sighed, and noticing Jake staring confusedly at him, he managed a small smile. "I know you don't need my help. I can see that you've managed by yourself here, Lou. I don't want to do this for you, it's my way to pay my debt to my brother," he stopped and took a deep breath. "Please don't deny me this, Lou. I need to do this for James sake." Lou put an arm around her son's shoulders, hoping to draw support from him. She thought about what Jimmy said and knew she could use some help. She was too stubborn and proud to admit to anyone that she needed help, but now that Jimmy offered it, she decided to accept. She nodded but said nothing before she turned around and entered the house. Jimmy watched her disappear inside and couldn't hide the smile the crept on his face. His smile widened when he saw the expression on Jake's face. "Are you staying here?" Jake asked. Jimmy nodded. "Looks like it. Do you want to show me around?" Jake nodded eagerly. "Can I help you with the horses?" Jimmy chuckled. "I think we should ask your mother about that," he smiled. Jimmy continued working with the horses for another hour, Jake never left his side, watching him intently from the fence. An hour later Lou came out and called Jake to come into the house. The boy sighed audibly and slowly made his way into the house. Before Lou entered the house again she left a tray full of sandwiches on the small table on the porch. She looked at Jimmy for a moment, before she turned on her heels and entered her house, closing the door behind her. Jimmy smiled to himself as he approached the porch and helped himself to one of the sandwiches. He sat on the chair near the table, reminiscing on better times. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The next month continued with much the same routine. Jimmy came to the small ranch every morning. He handled the chores around the ranch and even brought a few more horses. He trained them and even contacted a possible buyer. He never said a word to Louise. Not of selling the horses or anything else for that matter. Every lunch Lou would leave a plate with sandwiches for him, still not uttering a word to him. Jimmy tried to spend as much time as he could with Jake, without flaring Lou's anger. He thought of taking the boy to swim at the water hole or to fish, but since they never spoke, he didn't know if it would be all right with her. He loved the boy, who soon became his shadow. Jake was a smart child and he asked lots of questions. One day, about two weeks after Jimmy started working on the ranch, Jake asked him a question which made him stop what he was doing and looking at the sky for help. "Why does ma blame you for pa dying?" the boy asked. Jimmy stopped brushing down the horse. And rested his arms on the horseback. "You pa was not only my brother but also my best friend. I loved him very much. Our parents gave us both the same name. All my friends always called me Jimmy, while your father was known more as James or Kid." Jimmy took a deep breath before he continued, "That day your father was in town when some man came behind him. He was actually looking for me but since your father and I shared the same name, he mistakenly thought your father to be me. He shot and killed your father, just before your father shot him too." "Ma never talk about pa," Jake commented sadly. "Only grandpa talks about him sometimes." "So how do you know your mother blames me?" Jimmy asked, surprised at the boy's revelation. "I heard her the day you came and when she talked to grandma," Jake answered truthfully. "I used to ask her about pa, but she always started crying when I did so I stopped." "Your mother loved your father very much," Jimmy smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "Now, we should better get back to work so we can sell those horses next week." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ No matter how much Lou wondered what Jimmy and Jake were up to outside, she refused to go out and check. Her anger at Jimmy would abate and then she’d see him again, making it flare all over again. One afternoon, after she thought Jimmy had left for the day she decided to take a look at the new horse he had brought to the farm that morning. In the dim light of the barn, Lou smiled at the sight of the mare. She was beautiful. “Hello girl…what’s your name?” she said softly, stroking the horses nose. She laughed as the horse nudged her shoulder, making her step back to catch her balance. “You are a feisty one aren’t you?” she asked pulling out a sugar cube from the pocket of her apron and holding her hand flat for the horse to take its treat. “You can name her if you like,” a familiar voice said from behind her. Eyes wide, Lou spun to face Jimmy. “I thought you’d gone…” Jimmy gave a little snort. “Sorry to disappoint you, but I had a few things to do in the far pasture. I’ll be leaving in a few minutes if that’ll make you happy.” Feeling uneasy at being alone in his presence, Lou nervously wiped her palms on her apron. “I should go…” she said in hushed tones, starting to move past where he stood. Jimmy closed his eyes for a moment and sighed. “Lou…” he reached out and grabbed her arm, halting her leaving the barn. Lou’s eyes narrowed as she looked up at him. “Let go of me,” she demanded, giving a tug at her arm but he held on. “When are you going to forgive me Lou? We can’t keep going on like this...” Anger crept into his voice. “Hell, Jake has questioned me why you hate me so much…what was I supposed to tell him?” Looking her in the eye, he had to ask, “Do you hate me? Is there nothing left of the friends we once were?” Conflicting emotions were overwhelming her, making it hard to think, let alone answer him. Every fiber of her being screamed ‘Yes, I hate you because you are the reason Kid was taken from me!’ but from somewhere else a voice was heard over it all, telling her she could never hate him. The hand on her arm was sending currents of electricity through her, causing her more distress. She was feeling things she hadn’t felt in years…not since Kid and it scared her. This was Jimmy, the cause of Kid’s being taken from her. Jimmy wasn’t sure what Lou was thinking but he caught the flash of desire that flared in her eyes. Without thinking, he pulled her to him and lowered his lips towards hers. The touch was so light and feathery, he almost wasn’t sure they actually kissed. He let go of her arm and stepped back. He was about to apologize when she lashed out at him. “How dare you!” she screamed, fists curling in outrage. “How dare you kiss me?!” “If you call that a kiss…” Jimmy said amused. Shaking his head, he tossed a tether over the rail of one of the stalls. “Tell Jake I’ll see him tomorrow,” he told her and walked out of the barn, leaving her fuming and stomping her foot in frustration. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Over the next few days, Lou was consumed with thoughts of Jimmy and the kiss. It infuriated her that he would have the audacity to kiss her after all that happened. At the same time, she found herself lost in thought over it, gently touching her lips, a small smile playing at the corners of her mouth, remembering the softness of his lips against hers. The conflicting emotions were talking a toll on her. Lou found herself glad that Jake was outside playing with his puppy or helping Jimmy so that he wouldn’t ask what was wrong with her. He was so intuitive and could tell when she was upset or sad and this time, Lou had no idea how she’d explain what she was feeling since she wasn’t sure herself. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ “Mama, mama,” Jake yelled running into the house. “Can I go with Grandpa? Please….” he begged tugging on her hand. Laughing at his exuberance, she smiled. “And where is it you want to go with Grandpa?” she asked. “Grandpa’s goin’ fishin’. Can I go? Huh?” Nodding, she leaned down and gave him a kiss on his cheek. “Sure, honey. You run along and have fun with Grandpa.” She went out onto the porch with him as Teaspoon brought his horse over. “Hope you don’t mind me stealing my grandson for a bit,” he said with a smile as Jake handed him his fishing pole. “Not at all. You know he loves spending time with you.” Lou watched as Teaspoon put Jake up on the horse and then climbed up behind him. Handing Jake the reins, he told him, “Why don’t you lead the way son?” Lou mouthed a silent ‘Thank you’ when Teaspoon tipped his hat at her. The look on Jake’s face was priceless. Her little man was growing up and the bigger he got, the more he needed a man in his life. With a sigh, she turned to go back into the house but stopped when Jimmy came around the corner of the house. “Hey, Lou. Jake go with Teaspoon?” he asked, stopping to lean against the post at the top of the steps. “Yes he has,” she said curtly, not wanting to talk with him. Jimmy’s brow furrowed. Shaking his head, he ground out, “There’s no winning with you is there?” “And what is that supposed to mean?” she demanded angrily, hands on hips. “Just that no matter what I do, I can’t win with you can I? I work my tail off day after day trying to make a go of it here for you and it doesn’t matter does it?” Anger glinted in his steely eyes, but sadness masked his face. Gritting her teeth, Lou replied, “I didn’t ask for your help Jimmy. I don’t want your help and I certainly don’t need your help.” Hopelessness overcame Jimmy. He thought that maybe, just maybe if he worked real hard, did all he could for her and Jake, that she might soften a bit towards him and that some of her anger would fade. It looked like he was only fooling himself. Before he could say anything, tears filled her big brown eyes. “I can’t believe you kissed me!” His head shot up at that. He ran a hand over his face and looked at her. “You’re still mad about that? I told you that wasn’t even a kiss.” “Not a kiss? Then what would you call it?” she demanded, fire shooting from her eyes. “Certainly not a kiss. I’ll show you what a kiss is…” he stated as he pulled her into his embrace. A finger tilted her face to his and he noticed the surprise in her eyes as he lowered his lips to hers. Lou’s intake of breath sent a shiver through him in anticipation. With a hunger he wasn’t expecting, he explored her mouth eagerly. When she didn’t break it off or push him away, Jimmy deepened the kiss. He groaned when her arms went around his neck and pulled him closer. At the unfamiliar sound, Lou pulled back from the embrace. Her cheeks flushed red, but from desire or embarrassment, Jimmy wasn’t sure. “Oh…oh…” Lou whispered, hands flying to her cheeks, her senses too aware of the man before her. Without another word, she turned and ran into the house, slamming the door behind her. Jimmy chuckled to himself as he walked towards the barn. Looked like Lou didn’t hate him as much as she thought she did. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Lou rested against the closed door, her hands still on her hot cheeks. Many thoughts ran through her mind in every direction. She felt herself being drawn towards the man outside, but feeling of betrayal to her husband filled her heart, causing a sharp pain in her chest. She took a deep breath and exhaled in a sob. Soon sobs were racking her body and she fell to the floor, curled like a baby. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ They never talked about that kiss. Jimmy continued to work around the small farm and he'd even managed to sell a couple of horses. He left the money on the table on the porch for Lou like always. His time with Jake was becoming more and more important to him. He loved the boy and was amazed at the resemblance to his late brother. The young child had a sense of nobility and the same common sense James had, the characteristics that were the most different between the brothers. Jimmy also started teaching Jake how to ride a horse. He was saddling Katy for another lesson when he heard someone clearing their throat behind him. He spun around, feeling caught red-handed at saddling his brother's mare. A smile crept on his face as he saw Lou standing there, fidgeting with her apron. When she didn't say anything he got a little nervous. "You wanted something, Lou?" he asked. Lou looked away from his stare, unsure what she really wanted. She knew what she wanted to say when she first came out there, but now that she stood next to him, her resolve disappeared. "Lou?" he tried to get her attention. "You going somewhere with Katy?" she asked, an edge to her voice. "I've been teaching Jake how to ride. I figured James would have preferred if I used her," Jimmy answered quietly. He didn't realize how hard it would be for him to verbalize his brother's name. Lou nodded. She dared a glance at Jimmy and was surprised to see the raw pain in his eyes. Tears started to well in her eyes and with one step she closed the gap between them, and hugged her brother-in-laws waist, burying her face in his chest as she cried. Jimmy was so dumbfounded at first that it took him a few moments before he lifted his arms to embrace her. His tears were flowing freely now, encouraged by her sobs. They pulled away at the sounds of someone running outside. "Mama, mama," Jake cried as he run into the stable. Lou quickly wiped the tears from her face and turned to meet her son. She chuckled as he flung himself into her arms. "What is it?" she asked. "There's a man I don't know outside. He scares me." Lou looked questioningly at Jimmy, wanting to know maybe it was another customer he was supposed to meet, but he just shrugged. "I think he's an Indian," Jake whispered, obviously scared. "Both of you stay here," Jimmy ordered as he headed outside. For a second Lou thought of retorting, never one to be told what to do, but the look in her son's eyes made her comply. Holding her breath, she waited for Jimmy to come back and tell her everything was all right. She waited for what seemed like eternity, until Jimmy poked his head inside, grinning from ear to ear. "You have company, Lou," he informed her standing in the barn door. Lou raised her brow in confusion, but moved toward him, taking her son's hand in hers. Jimmy held the door for her. She squinted at the brightness of the outdoors, but once her eyes adjusted she gasped in surprise and rushed to the man in front of her, leaving a bewildered Jake watching her as she jumped on the man, hugging him. The man hugged her back and swirled with her in his arms. "What are you doing here?" Lou asked once he lowered her back to her feet. "I haven't seen you in years." "I know, Lou, and I'm sorry it took me this long. Never thought I'd find Jimmy here as well, though," he smiled warmly. "What?" Lou asked, suddenly mortified by the implication. "No, it's not like that. Jimmy just came back a couple of months ago. He's been helping me with the horses." "And who's that young man?" Lou turned to see her son hiding behind Jimmy. Her face softened and she motioned for Jake to come closer. "This is Jake," she said proudly. "Jacob David." She crouched beside her son, loosely hugging his waist. "Jake, this is your uncle Buck. You remember him from Grandpa's stories, don't you?" Jake nodded but whispered in his mother's ear, "I didn't know he was an Indian." Lou chuckled softly. "That's because it's was never important to mention." "He's Kid's boy alright." Buck smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. Lou frowned for a moment at the use of her husband's nickname. Since he came out with his secret no one called him 'Kid' anymore, but then she realized that Buck hadn't stayed long enough to get used to his real name. Buck saw Lou's face and immediately regretted mentioning her husband. "I'm sorry, Lou. I didn't mean to bring up sad memories…" 'It's ok Buck. He's not just a memory to me." She hugged him again. "Let's get you inside. You're probably tired and hungry." They started toward the house, when Lou noticed Jimmy standing in the yard, not sure of his place or what he should do. "Aren’t you coming?" she asked nonchalantly. Jimmy smiled and nodded, following inside. This was the first time Lou had invited Jimmy into the house willingly and he’d never been offered to share a meal with her and Jake before. Jimmy wasn’t sure if it was due to Buck’s sudden appearance or if she was finally letting go of some of the animosity she held for him. Whatever the reason, he wasn’t going to question it. As they sat down at the table, Buck continued asking about the others. “Teaspoon still keeping the peace around here? I haven’t heard or seen him in ages. What about Rachel and her girls?” Jimmy sat quietly at the table letting Lou answer all of Buck’s questions. He hadn’t realized how he’d longed to hear her voice. The few times she’d spoken to him since he started working at the farm, it was usually with anger in her voice. It was refreshing to hear the happy tone in her voice as she told their friend all the latest news of their family. “So where are you staying, Jimmy?” Buck asked, thinking he might find a warm bed at his friends. “Huh? Oh, uh I have a place in town. Got a couch you can bunk down on if you want,” Jimmy offered, once he realized Buck had been talking to him. Finishing the food on his plate, Jimmy looked at Lou and thanked her. “That was the best tastin’ meal I’ve had in a long time Lou. Thank you for inviting me.” Lou gave him a small smile. “You’re welcome Jimmy. Buck, did you have enough?” Buck looked back and forth between the two of them, wondering what was going on with them. They were polite enough to each other but he got the feeling that Jimmy wasn’t used to taking meals with her and Jake. “I’m fine Lou. Thanks. Jimmy’s right, it was delicious.” Jake sat quietly, not sure about Buck, even if his mother and uncle said he was family. Yawning, Buck turned to Jimmy. “If you don’t mind, I’ll think I’ll take you up on that couch. I have to admit, ridin’ in the saddle all day sure ain’t as easy as it used to be.” Grinning, Jimmy thumped him on the back. “You can say that again.” Standing up and giving Lou a hug, Buck asked, “Hope you don’t mind us leavin’ so soon after dinner, Lou. I promise to stop by tomorrow so we can visit some more.” Returning the hug, Lou told him she looked forward to the talk. “Jake, won’t you say good night to your uncles?” she asked her son, who still sat wide-eyed, watching the new comer. He remained in his seat, shaking his head. Sighing, she rolled her eyes. “He’ll come around,” she promised seeing the two men to the door. “Night Jake,” the two men called, and then went out into the night. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The ride into town didn’t take long, but Buck made the most of it by grilling Jimmy about the situation between him and Lou. “So what’s really going on with you and Lou? I was never so surprised as when you came walking out of the barn….you were the last person I’d expect to see at her place.” Jimmy snorted. “You and me both. Let me tell you Buck it hasn’t been easy. Lou’s more stubborn then a mule I swear.” Buck’s soft laughter filled the night. “Well, she is,” Jimmy protested. “I wasn’t disagreeing with you Jimmy,” Buck told his friend, still smiling. “I was just imagining what Lou would say to that is all.” Jimmy had to grin himself at the thought. “I suppose she’d threaten to shoot me,” he admitted. After a few moments, he began to tell Buck about his return and what had been going on since then. He left out the kisses the two of them shared. That was a private matter between the two of them and he didn’t need any advice or comments from anyone else. “So, I’m trying to help make things right for the two of them.” Buck shook his head. “There isn’t anyway to make it right Jimmy. Her husband is gone and that boy has never known his father. Before you get all defensive on me, let me finish.” Jimmy held his tongue though it was hard. “No matter what you do, it won’t bring Kid...James back. The two of you need to come to terms with that fact before you can move on. Both of you have years ahead of you, years that could be filled with happiness if only you’d allow yourself to move on. "I’m not saying that the two of you will find that happiness together, but if you don’t forgive, you can’t move on and that would be a sin. I can see you still have feelings for Lou and don’t try denying it. I have eyes Jimmy and I can see you still care for Lou the way you did when we were younger.” Jimmy couldn’t deny the claim. He’d always cared for Lou, but she’d chosen his brother, though at the time he didn’t know they were brothers. Was that why he’d come back, he wondered, because he still loved her? “I’ve come to terms with what happened Buck. It hasn’t been easy but I know that even though I blame myself for James’s death, I know there is nothing I could have done to change what happened.” Buck noted that nothing was said about Lou and Jimmy’s feelings for her. Letting the subject drop, Buck planned on talking to Lou the next day and see what he could find out from her. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Talking with Buck late into the night, Jimmy hadn’t had time to think about what he’d said to him concerning Lou. It wasn’t until he was back at her place in the morning and Buck was off at the house visiting with her that he let himself begin to ponder his friend’s words. As he worked with the horses, he let his mind wander. Did I really come back because of Lou? Was it because I still cared for her and thought that maybe, just maybe, now I might have a chance with her? The last question bothered him. He never recalled thinking that with James gone, he could have Lou to himself. If he had, it was something unconscious. When he considered returning, it was because he had been tired of roaming, he’d been yearning to see his family again, and that included Lou. Whatever feelings he’d had for her years ago didn’t come into the matter that he was aware of but now that he was thinking back on what he felt for Lou all those years ago, he realized that what he was feeling for her now, was different. He’d always cared for her and if he was truthful with himself, he even loved her. But she never returned his feelings back then. Working at her place and seeing her, if he got lucky, each day gave him a feeling of being home once more. Why would just being at Lou’s place makes me feel like I am home again? Jimmy stood staring off into the distance when the answer came to him out of the blue. Because being with her, being around her is what I’ve been longing for. I love her like a man loves a woman not the crush of a young boy… ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Buck sipped the coffee as he watched Lou take a sit beside him. He lowered the cup and smiled at her. "So, how's everything?" he asked slowly. Lou looked at him with a raised brow, feeling there was more to his question than the obvious. "Everything's fine," she answered cautiously. "You've done good around here." Lou took a sip from her coffee before answering. "It's mostly Jimmy," she answered truthfully, trying to block her mind from thinking too much of the man working at her yard. "You're probably very thankful for him…" Buck started. "Why would you say that?" Lou snapped, feeling her cheeks reddening. Buck tried hard to stifle a chuckle. "Nothing, Lou. Only that you say he helped you around here, so I thought you must be grateful for his help." Lou nodded and turned her head away. "So, how long are you going to stay for?" she asked in an attempt to change the subject. "Trying to get rid of me so soon," he joked. "No!" Lou exclaimed. "I'm happy to have you here. Just wandered, that's all." "I'll probably stay for a few days. If you want me gone before, just let me know," he smiled. Lou smiled back. "It's really great to have you here. I've missed you." "I missed you too. I hope that son of your will warm up to me, though." "He will, Buck. He grew very fond of Jimmy, and I'm sure he'll grow fond of you as well." "He's not the only one…" Buck mumbled loud enough for Lou to hear. "Buck Cross, if you've got something to say, just say it." "Ok, tell me what's going on between you and Jimmy," he grinned. "Nothing's going on," she answered, fumbling with her hands. "But you want something to happen." "Jimmy told you that?" she asked, meeting his eyes. Buck chuckled. "No. I just thought that maybe…" he stopped for a moment, searching for the right words. "You always had a special bond between you two. Even when K… James was still alive," Buck held his hand to stop her, when he saw she was about to retort. "I'm not saying you didn't love your husband, Lou. I know you did, we all know that. And I'm not saying you loved Jimmy the same way you loved James, but there was still something different between you and him. It was not like with you and me." He smiled when she nodded that she understood. "I just thought that maybe in this time that Jimmy spent here, maybe you've grown to be more than just friends." "We are more than just friends, Buck," Lou answered in a low voice. "He’s my brother-in-law." Buck saw the sadness in her eyes. "And you feel it would be a betrayal to Kid?" he asked, taking her hand in his. Lou shrugged as she felt the tears pricking her eyes. Buck cupped her face in his free hand. "Lou, nobody doubts you loved Kid more than anything. Jimmy also loved him and I'm sure he'd give anything to have him here again with you. Unfortunately, that cannot be." He looked in her eyes, wishing for her to understand what he was saying. "You've grieved long enough. Both of you have, and now it's time to move on. I doubt Kid would want you to spend the rest of your life alone. I'm not even saying it has to be Jimmy, though I must admit, I think it will be right for the both of you." Buck finished and looked at her silently for a few moments. Then he kissed her forehead and walked out of the house. Lou sat stunned for long minutes after he left, before she collapsed in sobs. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Buck helped Jimmy with the chores for a few hours, before Lou brought out sandwiches for them all. The men took a break and joined her on the porch and the three of them ate in silent. Jimmy kept glancing at Lou when he thought no once was watching. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't escape Buck's keen eyes. Buck smiled to himself when he realized his words from the previous night had hit their mark. He only hoped his conversation with Lou would do the same trick. "Why don't you boys take the rest of the day off and go take a swim?" Lou offered when they finished their lunch. Jimmy looked at her, surprised to hear her voice. "Are you sure, Lou? There's still some things to be done." "That can wait until tomorrow," she answered. "Besides, I could use some time to myself around here." Jimmy nodded. "Maybe we could take Jake with us," he offered. Lou thought about that for a minute and then nodded. "I'll go wake him up, then." She came back ten minutes later, leading a very groggy boy. Jimmy smiled at the boy and reached to take him in his arms. "What do you say about coming to the waterhole with us?" he asked he his bounced the boy. Jake's eyes brightened and he was awake in a second. "Can I, Ma?" Lou nodded and ruffled his hair. She looked up to see Jimmy staring at her from his close proximity. Their gaze locked for a moment before Lou took a step back, startled by the emotions she saw in his gaze. "Come on, guys. Let's get going before the missus changes her mind," Buck ushered them, before Lou would feel too uncomfortable. Lou watched them leave. She waved and smiled at Jake as he turned from his place on the horse in front of Jimmy to wave at her. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The two men and Jake had a wonderful afternoon at the swimming hole. To Buck's joy, Jake warmed up to him and even let Buck teach him how to swim. When they mounted their horses to get back home, Jake insisted on riding with Buck, who laughed at the hurt look on Jimmy's face. "I'll take Jake upstairs," Buck whispered when they entered the yard. The boy had fallen asleep against his chest on the way back. "I'll take care of the horses," Jimmy answered, taking the reins of both horses. He watched as Buck entered the house and then went to the stables, muttering the whole way. He couldn't believe Buck could be so dense. He was the one who was suppose to take the boy inside and tuck him in, showing Lou how good he was with her son, maybe improve his chances with her. He was still muttering angrily to himself when he entered the stables, and didn't even notice Lou, who was staring at him curiously. She giggled when after another moment he was still muttering to himself and still hadn't noticed her. Jimmy turned surprised to hear her, his cheeks reddening instantly. "What are you doing here?" he asked, harsher than he intended. "Well, these are my stables," she answered indignantly at his harsh tone. "I didn't realize I needed an excuse to come here." "That's not what I meant, Lou," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I just thought you'd be at the house." Lou, unconsciously, took a step closer. "Where are Jake and Buck?" she asked. Jimmy also closed the gap between them. "Jake fell asleep on the way back so Buck took him to his room." Lou took another step. They were now only inches apart. Jimmy put his hands on her arms and rubbed them affectionately. He smiled down at her and was relieved when she returned the smile. He lowered his head to hers, licking his lips. "Oh, Lou, there you are," Buck called as he entered the stables, a huge grin splitting his handsome face as he noticed the closeness between his two friends. "You need anything, Buck?" Jimmy asked angrily, turning his back to Lou and walking away. Buck noticed how uncomfortable Lou seemed to be and managed to erase the grin from his face. "Lou, I took off Jake's clothes and put him in bed. I wasn't sure what to do with them since they were dirty..." "Thanks, Buck. I'll take care of it." Lou smiled her gratitude and hurried over to the house. "Well, good thing I came in when I did, uh?" Buck started teasingly. "God forbid, Jimmy, you almost kissed her!" "Why don’t you mind your own business Buck," Jimmy retorted frustration lacing his words, which only made Buck laugh. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Lou and Jake sat at the kitchen of their house, having dinner. "Where are Uncle Jimmy and Uncle Buck?" Jake asked. "They went to visit Grandpa and Rachel," Lou answered as she took another bite. "Eat your dinner, Jake." "Why didn't we go with them?" Lou sighed. "I thought it would be nice to have dinner just the two of us. I guess you'd rather have dinner with your two best friends." Lou's eyes filled with tears and she wasn't even sure why. Was she jealous of the attention her friends received from her son, or was it something else? She felt her cheeks reddening at remembering what almost happened earlier. "Ma, are you ok?" Jake asked when he saw the pain in her face. "I'm sorry, Ma. I didn't mean to upset you." "Oh, sweetheart, you could never upset me," Lou managed a small smile. "It's just that I thought of your father and how much I miss him." Jake rose from his sit and came closer to her. He hugged her as tight as he could. Lou couldn't control her tears anymore. She hugged her son for a couple of moments, then kissed his head and exited the kitchen. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Lou sat by her husband's grave, tears running freely down her face. After breakfast that morning, before the men showed up she took Jake with her to town. She asked Teaspoon to keep an eye on him, while she went to 'talk' with her husband. She felt like she was drowning. In what – she did not know. Her feelings were in turmoil and she felt it was hard for her to breathe. Her heart ached and she felt empty and about to burst in the same time. She missed James just as much as she had the first few months after he was killed. Time didn't heal that wound. "I don't know what to do, James," she spoke aloud. "I miss you and I need you." She paused for a moment to gather the courage to admit it to her husband, as well as to herself. "I'm falling for him, James and I know I shouldn’t. It scares me. I'm sorry, James. I didn't mean for that to happen, but it's happening and I can't stop it. I tried, but I can't. I'm sorry I'm so weak…" she couldn't finish as sobs overtook her. Long minutes later, feeling spent, she rose on her shaky legs and exited the cemetery. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Lou turned to see Jimmy standing at the door of her kitchen. She quickly looked away from him. "Are you ok, Lou?" he asked, not moving yet. Lou nodded, not trusting her voice. "Teaspoon said you went to visit James this morning," he continued. "I just thought maybe there was a reason and maybe you needed someone to talk to." When Lou didn't respond, Jimmy came closer and stood right behind her. He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her to rest against his chest. "I don't mean to push you into anything, Lou. Just know that I'm here if you need anything or feel like talking." He kissed the top of her head and Lou turned her face to him. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Jimmy brushed his lips against hers in a tentative kiss. He pulled back, but Lou snaked her hand behind his neck and pulled him to her for a deeper kiss. As soon as their lips touched, the front door opened with a bang. Lou pushed Jimmy abruptly away from her. She looked away, unable to stand the hurt in his eyes. "Uh, Lou?" Buck started as he came into the kitchen, a crying Jake in his arms. "What happened?" Lou cried, rushing towards Buck. "He took a fall and scraped his knee," Buck answered. Lou took her son into her arms and rushed with him to the counter. She sat him there, and pulled the leg of his pants up. She took a cloth and wetted it in water. She cleansed the wound with water, while speaking softly to her son. Jimmy and Buck stood staring in awe at the tenderness. After a couple of minutes, both men left the kitchen. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ "I'm sorry," Buck said with a smile as he and Jimmy exited the house. Jimmy looked questionably at his friend. Buck chuckled. "I know I interrupted you again, saw how you both blushed like teenagers. I am sorry." Jimmy just shrugged. "Did you talk about this morning?" Buck asked. "I asked, but she didn't really say anything." "Want me to try? Maybe she'd feel more comfortable talking to me," Buck offered. "How's that?" Jimmy retorted angrily. "Have you thought that maybe what triggered her visit to her husband's grave was the fact that the two of you have been growing closer lately?" Buck answered with a smile. "She might not feel comfortable talking about it with you." "You really think this is what it's about?" Buck shrugged. "She must be really confused, Jimmy. She spent so much time grieving over Kid and blaming you for it, that it must be hard on her to let go and realize she has feelings for another man." Jimmy nodded. "Well, I guess that makes sense," he mumbled. Buck slapped his friend's back. "Look, I want to go see Rachel. Why don't you come with me?" he offered. "No, I think I'll stay. There's a lot of work to do around. You go ahead. I'll see you at home later." "Sure," Buck smiled. "Just try not to push her to much, Jimmy." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jimmy sat across from Lou at the dinner table, Jake sitting between them. Lou kept her eyes on her plate, barely uttering a word throughout the whole meal. "So, how's your knee, Jake?" Jimmy asked, trying to make some sort of a conversation. Jake's face crumbled at the mention of his wound. "It still sore, but Ma says it will pass soon." "You're Ma's a clever lady," Jimmy smiled. "Come on, Jake. Eat you dinner," Lou mumbled, still not raising her head. Jimmy chuckled and winked at Jake. "Go on, Jake. Finish your dinner like your mother said." "I don't need your support on this, Jimmy." Lou retorted angrily, meeting Jimmy's eyes for the first time. Her anger disappeared as she noticed the gleam of laughter in his eyes. She couldn't stop the laughter that built inside of her. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jimmy came back down, after putting Jake to bed. He didn't mean to take so long, but the boy asked that he read to him one story after the other. It took Jimmy five stories for the boy to fall asleep. He smiled as he watched Lou sitting in the parlor, reading a book. He stood silent for a couple of minutes, before he let his presence be known. "Jake is asleep," he said. "Thank you," she smiled as she looked up. Jimmy took a sit next to her on the settee. "You look tired, Lou. Why don't you go to bed as well?" "I should," Lou smiled. Jimmy nodded and smiled back. He reached his hand and brushed her hair away. When she didn't back off, he became bolder and leaned in and kissed her. He pulled away slightly, checking her reaction. He smiled when he noticed her eyes were still closed and her lips a little parted in anticipation. He leaned in again and kissed her more deeply this time. Lou snaked her arms behind his neck and pulled him closer and on top of her as she lay back on the settee. Jimmy let himself be drawn at first, but soon realized what was going on and pulled back, straightening himself. "What's wrong?" Lou asked, her voice quivering. "Nothing's wrong, sweetheart," he smiled to reassure her. "I'd better get home. Buck might start wondering where I am." Lou blinked away her tears of shame as she watched him rise and walk away. He stopped when he reached the entrance and doubled back. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you tomorrow," he smiled, before he left. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Two days later, Rachel breezed through Lou’s front door with her daughters following behind. “Good morning Lou!” she called out, wondering where her friend was. “In here Rachel,” a voice called from where Rachel knew Jake’s room was. Rachel stopped in the doorway smiling as she watched Lou put Jakes shoes on. “Now remember, they aren’t meant for jumping in all the mud puddles from last nights rain,” Lou told her son, mussing his hair as he caught sight of his playmates and took off running. “You girls stay away from the puddles too!” Rachel called out as the children disappeared out the front door. Laughing she gave Lou a quick hug. “That would truly be a miracle!” Lou had to agree. Keeping a child from the mud puddles was asking the impossible. “We can always hope,” she said leading the way to the kitchen. “So what brings you out this way?” “As you know Buck’s leaving the day after tomorrow. I wanted to invite you and Jake to dinner tomorrow night. I’m going to ask Jimmy and Teaspoon to come too, kind of like a going away dinner…” Rachel wasn’t sure how Lou would react to Jimmy’s being included. At this time she was still unaware of the growing attraction between the couple. Lou cleared her throat and gave Rachel a little smile. “That’s fine Rachel. Don’t look so worried. Jimmy and I can be civil when need be.” More then civil, she thought, remembering with a small amount of frustration the attempted kisses between the two of them in the last few days. Giving herself a mental shake, she took a sip of coffee that she’d poured herself. “Have you talked to Jimmy or Buck yet? I think they are out in the paddock with a mare that recently had a foal. You should see how darling it is! Jake says it looks like a piece of caramel.” Shaking her head, Rachel asked, “What is it with kids and calling animals sweets? The girls found a baby duck by the pond and insist it be called lollipop! Can you imagine? Then there’s the kitten their father gave them last month that they named Lemon Drop. Hmmm,” she grinned looking at Lou, “I wonder where they’d come up with a name like that?” Both women laughed and said at the same time, “Grandpa Teaspoon!” After visiting for a while, Rachel decided she had better go see what her two girls were up to. “I haven’t heard any yelling or giggling for sometime now.” Her tone was tinged with worry over what they might have been getting into out of her watchful eye. “They couldn’t have gotten into too much trouble,” Lou told her as they walked outside. “Jimmy and Buck would surly have kept an eye on all three kids.” The two women stood on the porch looking in different directions. Giggles coming from the corral sent them walking that way to see what the children were up to. Jimmy had the two girls on the back of the mare while her foal followed behind as he walked its mother around. Buck had Jake on his shoulders, watching from near the fence. “Look mama!” The girls called collectively. “We’re riding the horsey!” Rachel smiled. “I can see that. It’s nice of Uncle Jimmy to give you a ride.” Knowing that the girls wouldn’t like having to leave she sighed. “I hate to ruin your fun, but we need to be getting home. Daddy will be looking for lunch shortly and you promised to have a picnic ready for him.” Both girls frowned but didn’t protest. Lunch with their father was part of the day that they looked forward to eagerly. As Jimmy helped the girls down from the horse, Rachel asked both him and Buck if they’d come to dinner the following evening. Both men were happy to accept the invitation. “Good then,” Rachel nodded, taking her daughters' hands in hers. “We will see all of you at six then.” Goodbyes were said and Rachel and her girls left. “Can I have a turn on the horse now?” Jake begged, not wanting to miss out on a ride now that the girls were gone. ”Sure buddy,” Buck grinned, swinging the boy off his shoulders and onto the horse's back, having noticed the looks passing between Lou and his friend, both of who paid no mind to him and Jake as they went in circles in the corral. Lou couldn’t keep her gaze from Jimmy. He looked so handsome with the sleeves of his shirt rolled up and the top two buttons open, making her hands want to undo the rest to see what was underneath it. She already knew what was under it, having seen him with his shirt off numerous times, but now, she wanted to feel the muscles rippling underneath her fingers. Shocked at the turn of her thoughts and what she wanted to do, Lou blushed a deep red and cleared her throat, unsure where to look. Jimmy chuckled, having seen the look she’d been giving him. It wasn’t hard to tell where her thoughts had been. The corners of his mouth twitched when she wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Was there something you wanted Lou?” he asked in a husky voice, making sure Jake and Buck weren’t in earshot. “Umm, no,” she stammered all the while thinking, If you only knew, Jimmy, if you only knew… Turning abruptly, she hurried from the corral, needing time to be alone with her thoughts. Buck watched from across the pen, amused at the dance the couple were doing. He didn’t know if his talks with both of them may have anything to do with what had been going on the last few days, but he was sure they were on their way to exploring their feelings for each other. Knowing the two like he did, Buck was sure they would have ended up together at some point; he figured he might have just helped move that along is all. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Rachel’s husband Jonah sat back in his seat with a satisfied smile. “That was delicious, my dear,” he complemented his wife who was clearing the last of the plates off the table from the desert they had just finished. “I second that Rachel,” Jimmy told her patting his stomach. “You sure can cook!” He winked at Lou when he caught her looking at him as he had numerous times over dinner. “I’m gonna miss meals like this when I leave,” Buck admitted, grinning at Rachel as the two gave each other knowing looks as they watched Lou and Jimmy who were lost in their own world. The attraction was apparent to anyone who happened to look at the couple and it thrilled the others around the table. It had been a long time since either Jimmy or Lou had been attracted to anyone and to see the loving looks between the couple made tears form in Rachel’s eyes. Giving herself a mental shake, she told the others she was going to check on the children, whom had left the table earlier so the adults could talk. A few minutes later she returned to the kitchen announcing, “The children are sleeping. Can you believe that? They were worn out playing before dinner.” Turning to Lou she told her, “Why don’t you leave Jake here for the night? I’ve covered him and one of the kittens is cuddled up sleeping by him, no sense in waking him now.” “I suppose he could stay,” Lou said a little unsure. She knew that Jake loved playing with his cousins and being able to stay the night would be an adventure for him. “I’ll pick him up before lunch tomorrow if that’s alright with you,” she told Rachel, noticing that it was later then she had thought. “That would be fine,” Rachel said before turning to Jimmy. “Do you think you could take Louise home so she doesn’t have to go alone?” Lou was about to protest that she didn’t need an escort, that she would be fine when Jimmy jumped at the chance. “I’d be more then happy to Rachel. We can go when you are ready Lou.” Rachel grinned and winked at Buck who was sure the woman was matchmaking. Buck had noticed the sideways glance she gave him and took her cue. “I think I’m going to stay and visit with Rachel and Jonah for a bit. I’ll see you later?” he said to his friends as they rose from the table. “Hmm? Sure that’s fine. I’ll see you later,” Jimmy told Buck, distracted as he held Lou’s shawl for her to wrap around her shoulders. Lou gave Buck a hug, telling him not to be such a stranger. “You’re always welcome Buck. Promise you’ll come to visit soon?” Buck kissed her cheek and promised. Turning he grasped Jimmy’s hand and the two clasped each other’s shoulders. “Take care my friend,” he murmured then added, “Remember what I said.” Jimmy just nodded and opened the door for Lou. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ The ride back to Lou’s place was made in silence. Jimmy stopped the buckboard by the front door of the house and helped Lou down. He felt a tremble in Lou’s hand as she took his. “Something wrong?” he asked quietly as they stopped outside the door. Lou shook her head, not trusting her voice. She was aware of the man standing beside her and longing swept over her. Longing for his touch, for his lips upon hers and it frightened her and excited her at the same time. Jimmy could feel the tension between them and wasn’t sure what to do about it. The signals she’d been sending him as of late told him she was interested in him but he wasn’t sure if she were ready for them to explore what was building between them. Taking a chance, he tilted her chin up with a finger. Looking into her eyes, he could see she was feeling something too. His lips lowered to hers, feathery at first then becoming more demanding when she didn’t pull away. As her lips parted under his, a low groan escaped him. His arms gathered her close, his tongue eagerly joining hers in a dance that was intoxicating. Lou’s arms snaked around Jimmy’s neck, pulling him close. She couldn’t get enough of him now that they were actually able to share a kiss knowing that there was no one to interrupt them. After several moments, Lou turned her head, gasping for air. “Wow!” she whispered, loving the soft rumbling chuckle under her head as it rested against his chest. “You can say that again,” he told her, cradling her against him. Closing her eyes, Lou relished the feel of his arms around her, his length against hers. Not wanting it to end yet, she nervously said, “Would you like to come in?” Jimmy’s heart was beating fast. Taking the hand she offered him, he allowed her to lead him inside the house. Desire shot though him as Lou looked up at him with dark eyes, need shining brightly in them. Without a word, she turned and locked the door. Lou’s hand was shaking as she hung her shawl up and turned towards Jimmy. She wasn’t sure if what she was about to do was right or wrong, all she knew was she wanted the man in front of her. As she took one step, then another towards him, Jimmy had to ask, “Are you sure, Lou?” At her nod, he closed the space between them and gathered her in his embrace, his lips capturing hers passionately. He no longer held back what he felt for her as she met his lips with an urgency that surprised him. Her hands moved between them, finding his shirt buttons and eagerly undoing them. He groaned as her fingers touched bare skin, exploring his chest. Pulling away from her, he led her to the settee in the living room. Lou’s hands tugged his shirt free from his pants and pushed it down his arms while her lips burned a path across his chest. Jimmy’s hands entwined themselves in her auburn locks, pulling her mouth up to his once more. His lips caressed her throat as his hands undid the buttons of her blouse. His breath was hot against her skin as he moved over the flesh above her camisole. “Jimmy…” she begged, needing to feel his touch everywhere. It had been so long since she’d felt a man’s touch and his hands felt so good. Jimmy was more then happy to oblige. Looking down at the woman in his arms, all his dreams were coming true. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Jimmy opened his eyes slowly. The room was bright from the morning sun. He felt awake, but his body felt weary. He smiled, thinking of the night's activities. His smile broadened as he noticed the woman sleeping at his side, curled against his body, her breath hot against his skin. She was still naked, as was he, and he let his eyes roam over her curves, studying her. With light from the fireplace he didn't have this great view of her and he was thrilled to be able to watch her like that, while she was sleeping in his arms. During the years away, and even before, Jimmy had his share of women. He lost counting of the women whose beds he shared. None of them meant anything to him, not like Lou did, and he was certain now, none of them was as beautiful and as passionate as her. The previous night they had made love over and over again, unable to satisfy their desire for one another. All barriers were gone, thought of lost people pushed aside, as they gave freedom to their emotions and longings. Jimmy felt his face redden as he watched the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, remembering how it looked when she panted in ecstasy as she came, calling his name. He kissed her bare shoulder and, careful not to wake her up, got up. He picked his clothes and dressed quickly. With one last look at the sleeping woman he exited the house. His face fell as he watched a grinning Buck walking towards him from the barn. "Thought I'd get an early start, seeing as I'm leaving today…" he said. Jimmy grumbled something incoherent, but Buck didn't let him deter him from his good mood. "I waited for you last night, thought we'd go to the saloon for our first night as roommates, but I fell asleep sometime around midnight." "Yeah… well…" Jimmy stammered. Buck laughed and slapped his friend' s back before he walked towards the corral. Jimmy followed him a moment later. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ It's been three hours since Jimmy came out, but still there was no sign of Lou. With each moment that passed, Jimmy started to feel more and more anxious about her attitude. During the weeks that Buck was there she'd come out every morning and worked alongside them, but this morning, he hadn't seen her since he left a few hours earlier. Seeing that Buck was managing by himself, Jimmy decided to go inside and check on Lou. He knocked on the door and when there was no answer he opened it. "Lou?" he called as he poked his head inside. "Can I come in?" Still there was no answer. He walked inside slowly, repeatedly calling her name, giving her a chance to tell him to back off, but she never did. First, he looked in the living room. The evidence of their passion from the previous night was still evident in the pillows strewn all over the floor by the fire place, as well as her discarded clothes. He checked in the kitchen, in the storage room and in all the rooms in the bottom floor, but there was no sign of her. He walked up the stairs to the upper floor, and started opening door. When he reached the master bedroom, he was surprised to hear sounds of sobbing through the slightly ajar door. He opened the door slowly, and his heart broke at the sight before him. He quickly entered the room and walked toward the bed. Lou was lying on the bed, curled behind the light blanket that covered her naked body. She was clutching her wedding picture close to her heart as her body shook with sobs. Jimmy sat on the bed and pulled her into his arms. He rocked her as she continued to sob against his chest, dampening his shirt. He caressed her hair, mumbling soothing words to her. After a while, Lou's sobs subsided and Jimmy thought she'd fell asleep. He gently laid her back on the bed and started to rise when she called his name. He looked down at her, surprised. "I thought you fell asleep," he said. She leaned on her elbows, the blanket exposing her shoulders and collarbone, but still covering her breasts. Still, she said nothing. After a few silent moments she started. "Jimmy, I'm…" "You don't have to say anything, Lou," he replied softly. "I understand." Again, they were silent. "Buck said he'll leave after lunch, but he hoped to see you again before he left," Jimmy finally said, the silence too much for him to bear. Lou nodded. "Can you tell him I'll be out shortly?" she asked, rising from the bed, clutching the blanket around her. Jimmy stared after her, his longing for her now mingled with uncertainty and sorrow. When she turned to face him, after retrieving clean clothes from the dresser, and looked expectantly at him, he sighed and rose. He came to stand in front of her and caressed her face. "Do you regret last night?" he asked, fearing her answer. She closed her eyes, not wanting him to see the uncertainty in her eyes. When she didn't answer he nodded solemnly and lowered his hand from her face. He kissed her head before he exited the room. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Over the next few weeks after Buck left, things returned to the way they were before he arrived. Lou tried her best to avoid Jimmy. She returned to the habit of leaving him his sandwiched lunch on the porch and refrained from going into the barn or any other place she knew he'd be in. On his part, Jimmy didn't try to talk to her or come in contact with her. He continued working around the ranch alone. A few times a week he gave Jake riding lessons, sometimes going as far as the waterhole. He cherished his hours with the boy, as they were the closest he got to being around Lou. Since the night they spent together, he couldn't stop thinking and dreaming about her. All he wanted was to have another chance with her, one more night. He figured her behavior had something to do with his dead brother. It was obvious Lou had not come to terms with James' death. At first, he berated himself for getting carried away like that, but then again, it was her who initiated what happened between them. Still, he could not shake the feeling that somehow it was his fault that Lou had closed up again. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Several weeks later as Lou was getting dressed to start the day, she didn’t feel very well. She knew that the flu had been making the rounds in town and wondered if she might have come into contact with the illness. Knowing that Jake would be up soon and looking for his breakfast, she forced herself to finish dressing and going into the kitchen to prepare his meal. Instead of having coffee, she fixed a pot of tea and felt better by the time Jake sat down at the table clamoring for his pancakes and syrup. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ It wasn’t until she’d gone to visit Rachel several days later that her mind became preoccupied with a single thought after talking with her friend. As the two women sat talking, Rachel got a silly grin on her face, eyes shining and looking like she was about to burst. “What’s going on?” Lou asked her, knowing it wouldn’t take more then that to get whatever Rachel was dying to tell her out into the open. Almost squealing in delight, Rachel blurted, “I’m pregnant! Oh, Lou! I’m so excited. I just know I’m going to have a boy this time! I just know it.” The mother-to-be beamed at her friend, happy beyond her wildest dreams at having another child. “I know I’m getting a bit old to be having children, but Jonah doesn’t believe that. He said that if God didn’t want us to have another child, it wouldn’t be happening. I know he loves the girls deeply but I have a feeling he’s always hoped we’d have a son.” Lou got out of her chair and gave Rachel a hug, telling her how happy she was for her and Jonah. “I’m so thrilled for you Rachel and don’t you dare think you’re getting too old. I swear you can run circles around me if you wanted!” As Lou sat back down, Rachel admitted a bit embarrassed, “I had went to the doctor thinking that I might…might be going through, you know…the change and couldn’t believe it when the doctor told me I was at least three months along!” “So far already?” Lou asked, surprised. “Why did you wait so long to go and see him if you thought there might be something going on?” “I didn’t have any symptoms that I might be expecting like I did when I was having the girls. You remember how sick I was in the beginning…” That got Lou to thinking of the other day when she’d not felt too good upon waking. She hadn’t gotten sick and it hadn’t happened again since then, but it made her begin to wonder. ‘Was it possible that I, too could be pregnant? With Jimmy’s child?’ The thought filled her with trepidation and elation at the same time. She remembered how she’d felt while carrying Jake. It was hard to describe the overwhelming emotions she’d feel, as the tiny baby growing inside of her would move and kick, causing her to laugh and smile in delight. Could it be that I’d feel that once again? After all this time, thinking that Jake would grow up an only child, would he now have a brother or sister to call his own? What would Jimmy think if I am indeed expecting his child? Knowing him, he’d insist on doing the right and honorable thing and want to marry me. Shaking her head, she knew she couldn’t tell him. There was no way she’d ever force him into offering for her. As Rachel continued to talk about the baby, Lou was lost in her own thoughts. Don’t be silly, she told herself. You don’t even know if you are pregnant. Don’t put the cart before the horse Louise McCloud Hickok! Feeling a sudden need to be alone, Lou made a hasty good-bye to Rachel, giving her another hug and saying once again how happy she was for the expectant parents. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Lou sat rocking on the porch, staring out at nothing in particular as she continued to wonder if she could possibly be having Jimmy’s child. She let out a slight gasp when a voice off to the right of her asked, “Is something wrong Lou?” Forcing herself to look at the man she’d been thinking about, Lou swallowed the lump that seemed to settle in her throat. “Jimmy! I didn’t hear you come up. You gave me a start!” He chuckled quietly and sat down next to her. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to give you a fright. I noticed you sitting here for a spell and wondered if there was something wrong…” Jimmy had been trying to figure a way to break the silence that had come between them since the night they’d spent together but until he actually walked over to the house and spoke to her, he hadn’t known how to do that. The distance that she’d been keeping him since that night was tearing him apart. He loved her and wanted more than anything to let her know that, but her actions made him hesitate, wonder if she felt what they’d shared had been a mistake. He’d agonized over that for weeks. All he could think of was how right, how wonderful it had been holding her, loving her… It scared him to the very bottom of his soul to love her so completely and think that she may not feel the same way about him. If she didn’t, he wasn’t sure he could remain near her, seeing her day after day and not being able to profess his love for her. As they sat in the shade of the porch, Jimmy studied her face. She looked tired. He wondered if Jake had been keeping her up at nights and asked. “You look like you aren’t sleeping well…is Jake keeping you up? I know he’s spirited and never wants to miss a thing.” Lou shook her head, the corners of her mouth turning up into a slight smile. “No, Jimmy. Jake’s usually asleep by eight, being worn out by all the fun and help he says he’s giving his ‘Uncle Jimmy’.” Jimmy chuckled. "He loves the horses so much. Just like his father..." He cursed himself as he saw the smile disappearing from Lou's face. "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to upset you." Lou shook her head. "It's not you, Jimmy. I just don't feel like myself lately." Jimmy looked at her carefully. "Have you seen a doctor?" he touched her forehead. "Maybe you're coming down with the flu." Lou stood, letting his hand drop. "I'll be fine. I'm going to lay down for a while. I'll be down for dinner." She turned and went inside, not waiting for his response. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Lou lay in her bed. It was noon, and she felt so tired, like she did in the last week. She knew Jimmy was worried about her. He tried to convince her to see a doctor almost every day, but Lou already knew there was nothing wrong with her. She was pregnant. Tears rolled down her cheeks. She looked at the photo of her wedding and her sobs grew louder. It's bad enough that I slept with my husband's brother, but to conceive... She racked her brain for days, trying to think of a solution. She thought of running away, but realized it wasn't practical nor fair to Jake. She thought of asking Jimmy to leave, but couldn't think of a good enough reason for him to comply. At the sound of a knock on the door, she wiped her eyes. "Come in," she called. Jimmy entered, holding a tray with a mug of tea and some cookies. "I thought this might help you feel better," he said, putting the tray on the bedside table. Lou sat up and smiled meekly at him. "Now, I don't want you to be angry or take it the wrong way," he started, "but I'm worried about you. You haven't been eating like usual and you're so tired all the time. You even lost weight." "Well, that is not necessarily a bad thing," Lou tried to joke. "It is when you weigh no more than a 10 year old child." He smiled. "Anyway, I met the doctor at the general store this morning and I told him about you..." "You did what?" Lou exclaimed. "Don't get so upset, Lou. I told you – I've been worried about you." Lou sighed in frustration. "So, what did he say?" Jimmy looked down sheepishly. "He said he'd have to check on you to make sure, and I knew there was no chance of you going to see him, since I've been nagging you for days about it, so I asked him to come here." "You did what?" Lou cried, spilling the tea all over the bed. Jimmy rose and went outside. He returned a minute later, accompanied by the doctor. "Hello, Louise," the old doctor smiled warmly. Lou shot Jimmy a murderous glare, but he just shrugged and left the room, closing the door behind him. "So, Louise, Jimmy tells me you haven't been feeling too well lately. Why didn't you come to see me sooner? I could have given you some medicine..." "There's no need for medicine, Doctor, I know what's wrong with me," Lou said quietly. When she saw the doctor's bewildered face she continued. "I'm pregnant." "Are you sure?" the doctor asked. Lou nodded. "And I'm guessing no one knows yet," the doctor concluded. Lou nodded again. "It's complicated. With James gone... I'm just trying to figure out how to tell everyone." The doctor sat on the chair by the bed and took Lou's hand in his. "Louise," he started softly, "Any child is a gift, a miracle. James has been gone for over five year. It's okay for you to move on. He'd want that for you. And I think that with that man being his brother..." "What?" Lou looked surprised. "How...?" The doctor smiled. "I saw the way he looked at you, and the way his eyes shone with love when he told me you didn't feel well. This kind of caring comes only from a man who loves a woman very deeply. He loves you, Louise, and I'm guessing it's mutual, or he wouldn't have stayed this long." Lou nodded, tears blinding her at admitting her true feelings for the first time. "You should tell him, Louise. I've known you and Jake for many years. You've been grieving over James long enough. Now you should start living again, have a family. I think James would be happy if you and his brother ended up together." Lou nodded. "Please don't tell him, though, I would like to tell him myself." The doctor's smile grew wider. "You should come see me in a few weeks, just to make sure everything goes smoothly with the pregnancy." "I will," Lou promised as the doctor left her room. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Though she knew Jimmy would be waiting to hear what the doctor had to say, Lou remained laying on the bed, staring at the wall. There was no way to keep things a secret any longer. Jimmy knew something was up and with the doctor knowing about the baby, it was bound to come out sooner then later. Footsteps could be heard outside her room. Closing her eyes, Lou pretended to be sleeping so that she didn’t have to face Jimmy yet. She heard him quietly knock and then open the door but he didn’t come in. He must have thought she was sleeping and she let him close the door again without calling out to him. She needed some more time to think things through, to figure out what she wanted to happen before she told Jimmy the news. With a sigh, she closed her eyes for real and soon fell into a deep sleep. A smile crossed her face as she started to dream. She was walking along the stream not far from the house. It was a warm, sunny day and the birds were singing merrily in the trees and bees could be heard humming among the wild flowers. Lou turned when a familiar voice called her name. “Lou!” James’s voice brought joy to her heart as she turned towards him. It was like he’d never left her. She held out her hands as he came towards her. Tears of joy fell down her cheeks unchecked, she didn’t even notice she was crying as she was gathered in her loving husbands arms. James laughed as he twirled her around and around. When he set her feet back on the ground he framed her face in his hands and gazed into her eyes, drinking in the sight of her. “God I’ve missed you Louise! I hated having to leave you…” “Oh, James,” she said breathlessly, still to stunned for words. “I’ve missed you so much! I love you.” “You look tired,” he told her, brushing a hand through her hair. “You’ve lost some weight.” The concern in his voice could be heard and she frowned. His words brought back why she’d lost the weight and she began to cry. James was going to be so upset with her for turning to his brother, for having his brother’s child. “Lou? Lou, honey, it’s all right, really,” James tried to comfort her but she refused to look at him. How could she when she’d been unfaithful to him. “I’m happy for you and Jimmy,” he said with a smile. Her head jerked up in disbelief. “How…how do you…” she choked the rest of the words back, afraid to say them out loud. James wiped away a big tear that was making its way down her cheek. “Know that you love Jimmy and he loves you? I sent him to you Lou, knowing that he loved you as much as I did. I wanted you and our son to be happy, to have a good home and good life. I knew the one man who could provide you with that was Jimmy.” Lou’s eyes looked confused. “What do you mean you sent him to us? I don’t understand…” Shaking her head, Lou moved away from James, pacing next to him, trying to understand what was going on. “When I had to leave you, you were filled with so much pain and anger, it tore me up that I couldn’t do anything for you. But later, when time had passed, I found I was able to ‘talk’ to my brother, like I am with you right now, and I urged him to return, to not give up on you….he still loved you more then life itself and he was hurting being away from you Lou. And I knew you cared about him…just in a different way then you had me.” Lou watched as James came towards her once more. “I want you to let yourself be happy again Lou. I want that for you and our son and this baby that was created out of love, even if you didn’t realize that you loved my brother at the time.” “No, no! This can’t be happening. I don’t believe it,” Lou cried, not believing that her husband would knowingly and willingly give his blessing to her and Jimmy becoming a family. Somehow James had read her thought for his next words brought her a sense of comfort that she hadn’t realized she needed to feet. “You two will be good for each other Lou. He loves you and you love him….now go to him, tell him how you feel and about this baby,” he pressed his hand gently against her still flattened stomach. “Allow yourself to love again…” With that, James faded and was suddenly gone. Lou sat up with a cry, her hand reaching out into thin air, trying to stop her husband from leaving her, but it was no use. He wasn’t there. Lying back upon the bed, Lou closed her eyes tight; trying to stop the tears she felt burning them. She was shaking from the dream that seemed so real. James had come to her, she knew it in her heart and he was telling her that he gave her and Jimmy his blessings. Lou could tell she’d slept for a long time. The light in the room was darkening and she jumped from the bed, knowing that Jake would be looking for his dinner soon and she had nothing started. The house was quiet as she came out of the bedroom and she wondered where her son was. More then likely with Jimmy, since that is where she usually found him when the other man was around the farm. Glancing out the window in the living room she didn’t see either of them outside so she went to the kitchen to get dinner started. Lost in thought, she didn’t hear the screen door open and Jimmy come into the kitchen. He stood watching her as she worked at the counter next to the stove. He could tell the sleep did her good. She was finally looking more rested. “What did the doctor say?” he asked, breaking the silence. Lou jumped slightly at the sound of Jimmy’s voice. She hadn’t known anyone was there. Giving him a slight smile she asked where Jake was, not answering his question. Jimmy came further into the room and stopped when he was next to her. “He’s out on the swing we just put up. Now,” he tilted her chin up with one finger so that her eyes looked into his, “What did the doctor say?” She wasn’t getting out of telling him, he was determined to know if she was all right or if something was wrong with her. “He said I’m fine. He…he wants to see me again in a few weeks,” she told him softly, afraid to say why. Confusion flashed in Jimmy’s eyes as he searched her face. “If you’re okay why does he want to see you again? What aren’t you telling me Lou?” Jimmy’s stomach was tied up in knots with worry. How can a body be all right but the doctor wants to see you again? Something was going on and he was going to find out what it was. Lou’s hands fidgeted in her apron and she tried to look away from him, but his hand stilled her head, forcing her to look at him. “To…to see how things are progressing.” “Progressing? What the hell does that mean?” he asked loudly, totally clueless to what she was talking about. “Progressing with what?!” Lou’s lips twitched slightly. He was going to be speechless when he found out. “Not what….more like who,” she told him, almost laughing at the look he gave her. “Would you stop talking in riddles Lou? What the hell are you talking about? Are you or are you not fine?” Lou could tell Jimmy’s patience was fast running out and felt she needed to stop him from worrying about her. “He wants to see how the baby’s doing,” she told him in a steady voice, but held her breath when she was through talking, waiting for his reaction. “How what baby’s doing?” he asked confused more then ever. Lou let out an exasperated sigh. “Do I really have to spell it out for you Jimmy?” She asked in disbelief. She had thought telling him about the baby would have been easier then he was making it. Jimmy stood waiting for her to give him an answer, eyeing her as she put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “Our baby.” Lou could tell when the words penetrated his thick skull and he finally understood what she was telling him. The look on his face was priceless and she could hardly contain the laugh that was bubbling up in her throat. “You mean…you ..me…we?” He was dumbfounded. Whatever he thought she might have told him, it was not that they were having a baby. Letting out a loud whoop, he pulled her into his embrace, kissing her soundly before whispering, “A baby! We’re having a baby!” As he got used to the idea, Jimmy’s heart swelled. A baby with Lou, it was more then he’d ever dreamed of. “I love you,” he told her softly, kissing her again. “I love you too,” Lou whispered against his lips, knowing in her heart, she loved Jimmy very much. She’d always love his brother James and treasure what the two of them had had, but she also looked forward to a life full of love and happiness with Jimmy. “I’m so blessed,” Jimmy told her, giving her another whirl before asking, “Say you’ll marry me Lou…I want all of us to be a family…a real family.” At her nod, his head lowered once more in a kiss full of love and promises.

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