You can say you love me It won't sound right anymore Cause it's written on your face So what are you waiting for? I can do nothing if your mind's made up No matter how I feel it's not enough for the both of us So don't lie to me cause there's no need I have fooled myself for too long Cause you're still here but you're already gone The last four and a half years had been the longest of his life, Kid thought as he finally caught sight of Rock Creek in the distance. It had taken him several months to make his way back to the little town where he’d left his wife, safe and snug in a little house he’d bought for her before going back to Virginia to join the Confederate Army. Letters from Louise had been few and far between. He didn’t doubt that she’d sent more to him than he’d received but with the way mail had a way of getting lost during the war, he’d gotten very few. He wasn’t even sure she’d ever received any of the ones that he’d sent. Now that his journey was near its end, Kid felt energized and started walking faster. He would have been home weeks ago if only he’d had a horse or the money to buy one but the pay he had received while in the Army was worthless. He couldn’t help thinking what a surprise it would be to Louise when he showed up at the door. It didn’t take him long to reach the giant oak that marked the beginning of their property. A sigh of relief escaped him. Now that he was home again, he was never going to leave. He didn’t care if the country went to war ever again; he was not going to leave his wife and their home, not for anything or anyone. Laundry was hanging out on the line, drying in the warm wind that was blowing across the prairie, sending the long grass dancing like waves. A dog was sleeping on the back porch, one he didn’t recognize. It lifted its head and began to bark, coming to stand on the top step as he walked closer. “What’s all the noise Shadow?” a familiar female voice asked coming to the back door, causing Kid to stop in his tracks. When the dog kept barking, Louise opened the screen, rifle in hand, coming to check what was alarming Shadow. “Lou…” a voice she hadn’t heard in over fours years said, causing her hand to fly up to her throat in shock. “Kid?” her voice was shaky as she stared at the man across the yard. At first she wasn’t sure it was her husband, the man standing there looked so different from the robust, healthy man who’d rode away not long after their marriage. A slow smile spread across his face as he told her, “It’s me Lou…I’m home!” Tears filled her eyes and she set the rifle on the step and ran across the yard and into the arms of the man she thought she’d never see again. Kid laughed as Lou launched herself into his arms, hands grasping both sides of his head and kissing him all over the face. He pulled her close and took a deep breath, loving the scent of lilacs that seemed to surround her. Not wanting to let go of her, he held onto her hands as he took a step back so he could get a better look at his wife. “God you’re beautiful,” he grinned. “Kid, I didn’t think you were alive,” she confessed, still a bit in shock at seeing him there in front of her. “When I didn’t hear from you after the first year, I could only assume…I still wrote letters, in case…in case you weren’t gone,” her voice caught, wrought with emotion. Shaking his head, Kid knew none of his letters reached her. “I wrote as often as I could, but you didn’t get them apparently. I got some of yours. Still have them, right here,” he patted his shirt, where he’d kept them tucked safe next to his heart all this time. Shadow had come up next to the couple, nudging Louise, waiting to know that it was safe. “Who’s this?” Kid asked patting the dog’s head. “My faithful guard dog, Shadow. He’ll lick you to death before he’d ever bite.” Shaking her head in disbelief at Kid’s sudden appearance, Lou realized he must be tired and hungry. “Come, let’s go inside and we can talk while I get you something to eat. You look like you haven’t had a good meal in ages!” Nodding, Kid stood up and walked next to her, Shadow following close behind. “That sounds good. I ran out of food a few days ago and a good home cooked meal sure would hit the spot.” “You mean you haven’t eaten in days?” she asked incredulously. She could only begin to guess at the horrors and atrocities Kid had experienced since he’d left Rock Creek. Kid sat at the table, watching Lou prepare a huge plate of food for him, talking all the while, telling her some of what he’d experienced since he’d left Rock Creek. Once she put the food in front of him, she sat down across from him and listened, asking few questions, to stunned yet to have him home again. He’d just told Lou about the time his until had been in a particularly bad skirmish with Union troops and had become part of another unit when Shadow picked up his head, tilting it to one side then the other before getting up from his spot near Lou and trotted to the back door. “ That’s about the time I got your last letter,” Lou told him, thinking how it had hurt to wait week after week, month after month with no more word from him. A friendly bark from Shadow made them both turn and look at him. He stood watching out the door, tail wagging, moving back and forth in front of the door in excitement. “Hey there fella,” another voice from Kid’s past could be heard saying as the sound of boots came up the back step and the screen door opened as James Hickok entered the kitchen. He knelt down and gave Shadow’s neck a hearty scratch before looking up to see Lou at the table with someone. A smile flashed across his face as he looked at Lou, then it was gone, as his eyes grew wide in disbelief at who was sitting in the other chair. Standing he asked incredulously, “Kid?” “Jimmy! God it’s good to see you again.” Kid meant it as he stood up and went to embrace his friend. Jimmy shook his hand, not sure what was going on. He looked questioningly at Lou whose eyes were filled with concern and worry, and then he looked at Kid again. “We thought you were dead…” “So I’m told,” Kid grinned. “Mail must not have been as reliable as when we were all delivering it,” he joked, causing the others to smile. Jimmy took a seat next to Kid telling him, “Teaspoon sent letters to any and everyone he could think of trying to find you for Lou but no one knew anything after a certain date. It was like you had just disappeared.” “The men in his troop ended up merging with another,” Lou offered. “Must be why no one could find him. Though you would think someone would have known what had happened to your troop,” she directed this at Kid, upset that all that time no one had been able to tell any of them that Kid was alive and no longer with his old troop. “Sure would have saved everyone a whole lot of pain and heartache,” Jimmy told Kid as he thought back to all the tears and hurt that Lou had went through. It had taken almost a year before Lou started to act more like her old self and that was due to Teaspoon. The man who had been like a father to all the riders had taken Lou under his wing when Kid first went ‘missing’. When no word had come after several months, he’d sent telegrams and letters by the dozen, looking for the missing man, to no avail. After it had been determined Kid must have perished in some battle, Teaspoon was the one to talk some sense into Lou, making her see that she must carry on, that Kid wouldn’t have wanted her to give up. And it was Teaspoon who had finally sat both Jimmy and Lou down, telling them that they shouldn’t feel like they were betraying Kid and the love that he and Lou had shared because they had grown closer, because they had discovered that their feelings for each other were as more than friends. As Jimmy sat looking at Kid, he felt guilty. With the man alive, he felt like he had betrayed his best friend while he had been at war. It didn’t matter that they had thought him dead all this time, what did matter was Kid was here now and Jimmy had no idea what he and Lou were going to do about it. “Speaking of Teaspoon,” Lou said, “We need to send word to him right away.” She turned towards Kid saying, “He went to visit Buck and was stopping in Sweetwater on his way back.” “It’ll be good to see him again,” Kid told them, so grateful that he’d made it back to be with his family at all. With a sigh, he set his cup aside. “If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go wash some of the trail dust off me and then take a nap.” Jimmy shook his hand again. “Good to have you home Kid.” “There’s some of your clothes in the bottom drawer of the bureau,” Lou told him as she cleared the table from his meal. Jimmy waited until the bedroom door had closed before going to stand next to Lou by the sink. “I can’t believe it,” he whispered, still shocked to know Kid was alive and back home again. “Me neither,” she told him, leaning against his strong chest. “When I went outside to see what Shadow was barking at, I almost fainted when he said my name.” Jimmy’s arms went around her, holding her close. “That must have been a real shock.” “You have no idea!” “Probably as much of a shock as when I walked in to find him sitting at the table with you. It was all I could do to keep my mouth from dropping open…” They stood in silence for a few moments before she whispered, “What are we going to do?” Shaking his head, he gently caressed her hair. “I don’t know Lou, I just don’t know.” When Kid didn’t come back to the kitchen, they figured he must have lain down. Jimmy took Lou by the hand and lead her to the back porch, closing the screen door softly so as not to disturb the man inside. “We’ll figure something out,” he told her, a finger running down the soft skin of her cheek. “Oh, Jimmy…” she said softly before her lips met his in a tender kiss. He deepened it, letting her feel the love and desire he had for her. Moving slightly back, he told her, “I love you,” before kissing the tip of her nose. “And I love you!” Heading down the steps he called back to her, “I’m going to go send Teaspoon that message right now. I’ll stop by again tomorrow or as soon as I hear back from him.” “Ride safe!” she called, standing on the steps watching him ride off, absently stroking Shadow’s head as the dog leaned against her. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ It was past noon before Jimmy got the courage to ride out to Lou and Kid’s place. He had spent the evening dwelling on the fact that Lou would be spending the night with someone else, someone who had every right in the world to expect her to be in his bed, even though the two of them had been only three weeks away from getting married themselves. The problem was perplexing, Jimmy thought wishing Teaspoon would be there to help them all figure out an answer sooner then two days as his telegraph said. Tethering Sundance by the back porch Jimmy went up the steps and did something he hadn’t done in years, he knocked. Shifting nervously, he waited, afraid of what he might find out after the two had spent the night under one roof again. It wasn’t that he doubted Lou’s love for him, he just knew how strong her love for Kid had been in the past. He heard Shadow come running down the hall then footsteps. He gave a sigh in relief when it was Lou and not Kid. “Jimmy!” Lou said happily. “Come in. You know you don’t have to knock, just let yourself in.” Jimmy stepped inside the kitchen. “I, uh, just felt like I should knock with Kid back ‘n all.” Lou squeezed Jimmy’s arm and let her hand slid down his arm to grasp his fingers. “I’m sorry…” she didn’t know what else to say. Jimmy leaned his head next to hers so that they wouldn’t be overheard. “It’s not your fault…no one could have known he’d come back like this.” Lou shook her head. “No, no one could. But he did and I don’t know what to do…I mean, when I seen him, my heart skipped a beat and I was overjoyed that he was alive…but…but,” she looked up into the face of the man she’d fallen in love with and had been planning a new life with. “He’s not you Jimmy,” was all she could think of to get her feelings across. Jimmy felt his heart leap at her revelation. He’d been afraid that seeing Kid again, having him back, that Lou’s feelings for him would change, that she’d discover she still loved Kid and not him. But that wasn’t the case and though he felt for his friend, he couldn’t help but be thrilled for his own happiness. “What did you do?” Jimmy asked, not sure he wanted to know. Lou understood what wasn’t asked. She needed to reassure Jimmy that she was true to him, even though she was still married to Kid. She was a bit embarrassed as she whispered, “I told him I couldn’t. You know…that something started yesterday.” Lou almost laughed at the look on Jimmy’s face. “That should buy me some time but it won’t last…” “No, no it won’t,” Jimmy agreed with a big grin. At that moment, Kid walked into the kitchen and the couple moved apart, guilty looks on their faces but he didn’t say anything about it. Instead, he asked, “You think that dog’s gonna keep barking every time he sees me?” “Shadow?” Jimmy asked, though there was not other dog in the house. “I don’t know why he keeps barking at you Kid. He doesn’t bark at Jimmy other then to greet him once when he stops by.” That little bit of information gave Kid more insight into what he suspected was going on between his wife and best friend then they would have guessed. Apparently when they’d thought he was dead, the two became a couple, or were very close. The thought upset him at first, but then not so much. He could see how it had happened. What surprised him was, in the past he would have went at Jimmy with both fists flying and not giving it another thought, but now, he felt he needed more time, time to think things over and see what needed to be done about the situation they’d all found themselves in. First thing though, he’d have to confront one or the other of them about what was going on between the two of them. Something told him, it should be Jimmy he approached if he wanted to get to the truth without any overwrought emotions. He’d have had to been blind not to have seen the looks passing between Lou and Jimmy the day before or even now, after he’d caught the two of them standing close together, whispering in the kitchen. “Are you ready for some lunch?” Lou asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room. “That would be nice. Mind if I have it out on the porch?” Kid asked, thinking he might be able to approach Jimmy out there while he waited for her to bring out the food. “Jimmy, would you like something?” Lou asked, taking a loaf of fresh bread from the counter to the table. Jimmy had stuck his hands in his pockets, feeling like a third wheel. “Uh, no thanks Lou. I ate in town earlier. I guess I’ll go sit with Kid…” Nodding she smiled at the two men. “I’ll bring it out when it’s ready.” ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Following Kid out onto the porch, Jimmy sat in the rocker. “So, how’s it feel to be back?” Kid grinned. “It feels good, real good. You have no idea how many nights I dreamed about being back here.” Jimmy heard a trace of sadness in Kid’s voice and his eyes narrowed, studying him, trying to find out where it had come from. “It must have been hard…the fightin’ ‘n all.” He must have touched a sore spot because Kid seemed to go still and his lips went tight. Instead of telling him about the fighting, Kid asked something Jimmy hadn’t expected. “What’s been going on between you and Lou while I was gone?” At first, Jimmy couldn’t look his friend in the eye. He didn’t know what to say either. Guilt made him feel like what he’d felt for Lou was wrong and that he’d betrayed the man, even though he knew that he hadn’t. That he’d never made a move to have a closer relationship with her until after Teaspoon sat them down and told them it wasn’t betraying Kid. “Come on Jimmy,” Kid let out an agitated sigh. “Should I just ask Lou instead?” “NO!” Jimmy said quickly. He didn’t want to lay this at her door. He would own up to things and take whatever anger Kid had over their relationship. “We never planned on this…it wasn’t until about a year ago, honest!” he began, seeing he had Kid’s complete attention. “In fact, neither of us would have done anything on what we were feeling if it weren’t for Teaspoon…” Jimmy wasn’t trying to lay blame at Teaspoon’s door either, only explain how things had happened. “Teaspoon?” Kid asked unsure how the ex-station master fit into all of this. “Yeah, Teaspoon,” Jimmy clasped his hands in his lap, twirling his thumbs out of habit. “He said he could see how we liked each other, said that we wouldn’t be betrayin’ you by…well, by courtin’.” “You two have been courting?” Kid sat back in his chair, surprised that Jimmy would have courted Lou. He had always seemed like the type to not hold with society’s niceties. Jimmy nodded. “Been about a year now.” “You sleeping with my wife?” Kid had to know. Jimmy stared at Kid. The question was not one he felt the man should have asked. And he wasn’t about to answer it either. “How far has this gone?” If the other question wasn’t getting him an answer, Kid thought maybe this one would. Jimmy wasn’t sure if he should tell Kid that he and Lou were supposed to have gotten married in three weeks. He was trying to figure out what kind of answer to give when a voice behind them asked, “How far has what gone?” Both men looked over at Lou as she came out of the house carrying a plate for Kid and two cups by the handles in the other. “Well?” she asked, hands on hip waiting, curious to know what they’d been talking about. “You two,” Kid offered, not surprised at the look that flashed between her and Jimmy. “What have you told him?” Lou asked, worry clouding her eyes. She wasn’t sure what Kid would do knowing she and Jimmy had formed a relationship. He’d always felt that there was something between the two of them and that Jimmy would do anything to get her into his life. Lou’s legs felt shaky and she sat down in a chair between the two men. She looked over at Jimmy, needing to know what he’d told Kid. Trying to reassure her, he said, “Only that we started courtin’ about a year ago and we only did that after Teaspoon talked to us.” She nodded. Turning towards Kid, she could see he was still waiting for an answer to his question. Her voice was quiet as she told him, “We were to be married three weeks from last Saturday.” The only sound that could be heard was the thumping of Shadow’s tail as he sat next to Jimmy’s rocker, waiting patiently for him to scratch his head. Kid was stunned. When he’d thought that Lou and Jimmy had something going on between the two of them, he’d been figuring they’d been sleeping together…never had he imagined they were engaged to be married. “Looks like I messed that up for you,” he finally said, picking up the sandwich she’d made for him and taking a bite. It was as dry as sawdust in his mouth but he forced it down. Lou didn’t know what to say to that. The tears that had been forming in her eyes finally spilled over onto her cheeks as she stood with a choked sob and ran into the house. Jimmy looked after her with pain in his heart. He was torn by staying where he was since it wasn’t his place to follow after her seeing how she and Kid were married still. Not giving a damn at what Kid thought, he hurried after her, letting the door slam as he left Kid alone on the porch with Shadow, who was eyeing him with uncertainty. “Lou?” Jimmy called, looking into the living room before trying the bedroom where he found her lying on the bed sobbing. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her to him. He ran a hand back and forth over her back, trying to calm her. “It’s alright sweetheart,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head as he held her close. “But it’s not,” she whimpered softly, trying to stops the tears. “Kid’s alive and I love you…We’re supposed to get married!’ “Nothing says we won’t. It may not be in three weeks but I still want you to be my wife Lou. That will never change,” Jimmy told her with conviction. “But how?” she demanded to know. She’d laid awake into the early hours of the morning trying to figure out what to do about being married to Kid, whom she still cared deeply about but had thought was long dead and Jimmy, the man she loved deeply and wanted to be with. “I don’t know right yet, sweetheart, but it will. I promise,” he reassured her. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Not able to eat any more than the one bite of sandwich, Kid tossed the rest of it to Shadow who devoured it in one swallow. “I see someone around here has an appetite,” Kid mumbled with disdain. He hated that he was sitting out on the swing, talking to a dog while Jimmy was the one inside consoling his wife but he didn’t see it as his place to be there instead of the other man anymore. He could tell that Lou was lost to him. She may say she still loved him, she may still be there with him, but he could tell that she was already gone. No matter what he might say to her, no matter how much he might love her, the feelings weren’t there for her to return. “Looks like this war killed more then I thought,” he told himself not sure he should have ever come home.

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