%%
Chandler: "Hey look, it's a monkey with a Ross on it's ass."
%%
Monica: "And that's a shut-down!"
Joey & Chandler: "Shut-OUT!"
%%
Ross to Paolo: "I think I speak for everyone when I say [slams door in Paulo's face]"
%%
Ross to Paolo: "Do you know what 'crapweasel' means?"
%%
Chandler to Joey: "Too many jokes...must mock Joey!"
%%
Chandler: "Oh! I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of misunderstanding."
%%
Phoebe: "Monica? Um, you're scaring me. I mean, you're like, you're like all chaotic and twirly, you know? - I mean, and not in a good way."
%%
"Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew...!!"
"What?!"
"Ugly naked guy got a thigh-master!"
"Ewwwwwwwwwwww!"
%%
Rachel: "Oh God, and now I'm going to have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it soooo much harder..."
%%
Chandler: "You don't get a lot of 'doy' these days."
%%
Chandler to Joey on the phone: "I'm tsfraphpd ain n A{T%M~ vrehstifpool wriphd JVILHL GROOFDACPHRE!"
%%
Monica: "Loosely translated, 'We should do this again' means 'You will never see me naked.'
Chandler: "Or, 'You're such a nice guy' means: 'I'm going to be dating leather wearing alcoholics, and complaining about them - to you.'"
%%
Phoebe: "It's not mine, I didn't earn it; if I kept it, it would be like stealing."
Rachel: "Yeah, but if you spent it, it would be like shopping."
%%
Phoebe: "Ok, ok, let's say I bought a really great pair of shoes with the money. Do you know what I'd hear with every step I took? 'Not-mine, not-mine, not-mine.' And even if I were happy, ok, and, and skipping, I'd hear 'notNOT-mine, notNOT-mine, notNOT-mine, notNOT-mine..'"
%%
Chandler: "I'm smoking, I'm smoking, I'm smoking."
Phoebe: "I can't believe you, you've been so good for three years!"
Chandler: "And this is my reward!"
%%
Phoebe: "Yes yes! Like the man in the shoe!"
Ross: "What shoe?"
Phoebe: "From the nursery rhyme. 'There was a crooked man, who had a crooked smile, who lived in a crooked shoe, for a while...'"
%%
Phoebe: "Hey Lizzy."
Lizzy: "Hey Wierd Girl."
Phoebe: "I brought you alphabet soup."
Lizzy: "You took out the vowels?"
Phoebe: "Yeah. But I left in the Y's. Cuz you know, 'sometimes Y.'"
%%
Ross: "A thumb?!"
Phoebe: "I know, I know."
All: "Ewwwwwwwwwww!"
Phoebe: "I opened it up, and there it was just floating there, like this tiny little hichhiker."
Chandler: "Well maybe its a contest, you know? Like collect all five?"
%%
Ross: "Stop ... stop cleansing my aura."
%%
Monica: "You know what though? I just don't feel...the thing. I mean, they feel The Thing - I don't feel, The Thing."
Co-Worker: "Honey...you should always feel...The Thing."
%%
Chandler: "Ewwww, Lambchop. How old is that sock?! If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."
%%
Ross: "Hey Phoebs, you gonna have the rest of that poptart? ...Phoebs?"
Phoebe: "...Does anyone want the rest of this poptart?"
Ross: "Hey, I might!"
%%
Chandler: "Well, what kind of a relationship do you see us having considering you have your foot so far up my leg that you can count the change in my pocket?"
%%
Rachel: "My God! These are incredible! How come I've never had these before?"
Phoebe: "Oh I don't make them very often. It isn't fair to the other cookies."
%%
Ross: "I believe the word your looking for is...Anyway"
%%
Phoebe: "Oh, Boyscouts could have camped under there!"
%%
Joey: "I can't sleep in my underwear."
Chandler: "Well, you're gonna."
%%
Joey: "Uhh... I'll just go pee in the street."
%%
Chandler: "Sometimes I wish I were a lesbian... Did I say that out loud?"
%%
Phoebe
"I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?"
%%
Ross" "I suppose we're looking for a more sophisticated answer than, 'To get you into bed?'"
%%
Phoebe
"New York City has no power.
And the milk is getting sour.
But to me this is not scary,
'Cause I stay away from dairy."
%%
Chandler: "Don't we look nice all dressed up?
[pause... ]
It's things like that, isn't it?"
%%
Ross: "I'm not in the [friend] zone." 
Joey: "You're mayor of the zone."
%%
Phoebe: "Now go away so we can talk about you."
%%
Phoebe: "He's a shrink, but not in that shrinky way."
%%
Chandler: "Rock . . hard place . . me"
%%
Ross: "Since you saw her boobies, I think you're gonna have to show her your pee-pee."
%%
Ross: "Hey! I married a lesbian to make you look good!"
%%
Rachel: Men can pee standing up!
Chandler: We can? Okay, I'm trying that.
%%
Chandler: "Oh, look, it's the woman we ordered."
%%
Rachel: "Fasten your seat belts, it's pee pee time."
%%
Rachel: "Chandler Bing, it's time to see your thing."
%%
Phoebe: "They have a liking problem with you... in that they don't."
%%
Chander: "I'll show you to my room... That sounds so weird when it isn't followed by 'no thanks, it's late.'"
%%
Rachel: "Tit for tat."
Chandler: "Well, I'm not showing you my tat."
%%
Chandler: "That's a realtively open weave and I can still see your... nipulary region."
%%
Phoebe: "He's really sweet and in some ways I think he's so right for me... But I hate that guy."
%%
Ross: "Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon? Do the words 'Billy, don't be a hero' mean anything to you?"
%%
Chandler: "Could she be anymore out of my league? Right now, I'm very conscious of my tongue."
%%
Mr. Geller: "When my time comes, I want to be buried at sea."
Monica: "Why?!"
Mr. Geller: "It sounds like fun... Sure, you can make a day of it. Bring a picnic lunch... I want people to say, 'Buried at sea...huh...'."
%%
Chandler to Jill Goodacre: "Gum would be perfection"
%%
Steve (Jon Lovitz): "Well, slap my ass and call me Judy!"
%%
Steve (Jon Lovitz): "Tartlets. -- Tartlets. -- Tartlets. -- The word has lost all meaning."
%%
Joey: "You meant sex, right?"
%%
Joey: "Phoebe is Phoebe but Ursula is hot"
%%
Chandler: "And that's the Chrysler building"
%%
Monica: "I'm that stupid"
Rachel: "I'm not too bright either"
%%
Ursula: to another waiter "Doesn't this come with a side salad?"
%%
Ross: "Susan, go deep"
%%
Chandler's Boss: "This is the worse A.N.U.S. we've seen since the '70's"
%%
Chandler: "...You throw my W.E.N.U.S. out of whack."
%%
Chandler: "Aaaand, BVRRRRT to you too Helen."
%%
Chandler: "Um, Helen drinks...will you marry me?"
%%
Chandler: "Joey, this is serious. I've never known you to pay money for any kind of capade."
%%
Ross: "What about Pheobe's birthday?"
Joey: "Is that today? What are the odds?!"
{long pause}
Ross: "You take your time."
{Joey gets it}
Chandler: "Theeeeeere it is!"
%%
Ross: "Do you have a point?"
Chandler: "You'd think I would."
%%
Jamie Buchman: "No, we were just there [Riff's] last night...she kept bringing swordfish."
%%
Chandler to Joey: "You know that thing where we talk to each other about things? Let's not do that anymore."
%%
Chandler to Joey: "If you tried something like that on my birthday, you'd be standing at the business end of a hissy fit."
%%
Ross: "The doctor got the 'K' out. They also found an 'M' and an 'O.'"
Chandler: "We think he was trying to spell out 'Monkey.'"
%%
