The Irretrievable

Storyline: This story is set after the storm-- ie everyone thinks Sheridan is dead. Basically, Luis is hurting like hell.

Chapter 1:

Luis sat by the water, watching the waves ripple onto the beach. Each time a wave ran away, he winced. Familiar territory. Every time a wave waded in he looked for her. He knew it was crazy. So? He just kept staring at each incoming wave. Wave after wave; heartbreak after heartbreak. His tears parallelled the ocean in front of him. Salty water running away.

He knew his mind was making no sense. His brain searched for words, but forgot to find letters. His eyes stayed in the same position. Staring at the hope-crushing neverending sea. He almost felt like he was staring into her eyes. That was how his mother and sister found him. Huddled in a heap, tears running rivers down his face. Not just heartbroken. Broken. Pilar tentatively touched his shoulder. He glanced at her with the faint hope of seeing Sheridan and then turned back to glare at the ocean.

"You have to conquer this, Luis. She's not coming back", Theresa ventured. "You don't know that", he muttered angrily. "Luis, you must wake up. Staring at water will not make her rise from the dead. Sheridan is gone" Pilar stated. "She's coming back", he insisted. "How can you say that?" Theresa argued. "I can say that because I believe in God. God has tried to take her away from me so many times. Each time, He brought her back. You know why? Because God knew that He could not possibly need Sheridan more than I do. She's coming back", he decided as he pushed past his family.

"But, Luis..." Theresa broke off her sentence when she realised she had nothing to say. Pilar and Theresa looked at each other helplessly and allowed Luis to stomp through the sand back to the hotel. "I pray he recovers", Pilar whispered. "Me too, mama" Theresa cried and grabbed her mother's arm for support. They held each other for fear of falling and headed to the hotel to find Luis.

As they entered Luis's room, Pilar noticed some shards of glass scattered on the floor. "Be careful", she ordered. Theresa nodded and continued to grip her mother's arm. She gasped as she saw Luis slumped near the bed, some red stains on his shirt. "What is that red on your shirt?" Pilar asked. "I'll give you a choice and you can decide", Luis glared wildly. "It is a)the tears of my heart, b)the jagged edges of my heart poking through my chest or c)some blood that appeared when I slammed some glass into myself."

"Luis, you didn't... you couldn't... please say you didn't... why?" Theresa's mouth tried to cry all her questions at once. "You said she's not coming back. So what do I have left?" he asked. "Your family. Luis, you have your sister, your brother and me!" Pilar exclaimed in a horrified whinge. "I have nothing", he declared. "You're marrying a Crane." "He's not a Crane", Theresa objected. "You're marrying a Crane", Luis repeated. He started accusingly at his mother. "You take care of the Cranes so that they have time to take over the town and hurt innocent people. Go back to your loving Cranes so that you can get slapped in the face."

"Sheridan was a Crane", Pilar noted. "She was never a Crane", he shook his head. "She was a Lopez-Fitzgerald-to-be." Pilar grabbed her son's chin. "You can never save yourself if you continue like this." He swung his head out of her hands. "This is how I'm saving myself. You said it yourself. She's not coming back. So I'm going to join her. We'll be in the one place where her family can never follow us. Heaven."

Theresa shrieked as she watched her brothers head slump against the air. "Mama", she shrieked. "Luis is dying. Save him!" "Go get some help, screaming will not save your brother", Pilar reminded her. Theresa raced out of the room while Pilar forced Luis to open his eyes. "I can hear her heart, mama. She wants me to find her."

To Be Continued…

Chapter 2:

"Luis, that is crazy talk", Pilar argued. "She can never come back! She's dead, Luis. She's dead." "That's not true, mama. She's out there", he answered fiercely. Pilar took a step back as she realised that her son's hand was clenching into a fist. "Luis! Calm down", she ordered nervously. "I can't, mama. She's waiting for me to find her. I can't let her wait, mama. I can't make her cry", he murmured.

"You are delirious! Where is your sister?" Pilar wondered anxiously. "I'm here, mama!" cried Theresa as she rushed into the room. "They are coming." "I'll find her", said Luis and let himself slump against the bed again. Theresa barely had time to shriek before a few somewhat-trained professionals burst into the room and carried Luis down to the waiting ambulance. "He'll be all right, mama... Won't he? Will he be ok?" Theresa sobbed. Pilar sighed and stated the obvious. "I hope so, Theresita." "But what can we do? We have to help him! He's my brother, mama! I have to help save him", Theresa pleaded.

"There is nothing we can do, but pray for him. Ring your brother. Tell him to pray", Pilar said, closing her eyes solemnly. "But my brother is dying. And... and my other brother is gone... and my other brother has probably fallen in a well, by now. I'm a jinx! Everyone I touch turns to rubbish", Theresa cried. Pilar comforted her daughter. "Come, Theresita. You are as unwell as your brother. What is bothering you?" "Everything is just turning out wrong, mama. Fate hates me", Theresa whispered.

Luis woke up to the sweet, longing voice of Sheridan. "I'm waiting, Luis. Come find me." Luis smiled and sighed happily, "I can hear her heart." As a reflex reaction, he touched his heart. He felt some newly sewn stitches and jerked up as he remembered the events of that afternoon. "How could I try to run away when she's waiting for me to find her?" He slid off his hospital bed and proceeded to exit the hospital. He wouldn't let anyone stop him as he ran to the hotel.

When there, he picked up some clothes and searched for his hope. He found it near the corner of his bed. He held it tightly and smiled. He kissed it and slipped it on his finger so he wouldn't lose it. His heart grew as he thanked the ocean for allowing his hope to ride the waves to him. He went back to the beach. He had no idea how he would find her, but he knew he would do it. He refused to allow the absence of a plan to interfere with his mission.

He had received a message from God not to give up. His hope. The diamond ring he would put back on Sheridan's finger when he found her. His brain not functioning, he turned to his heart to decide what to do next. They'd been parted at sea. So he would try to find her at sea. He hired a boat from a rental place near the water. Before setting off, he glanced at the land. He remember his family and was almost regretting his decision.

Then he heard Sheridan call to him. He knew his family must be hysterical, but Sheridan was waiting. He gave a short wave and murmured, "Goodbye. I'll come back when I find her. I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye prooperly. But she's waiting." Then he started into the deep, blue ocean in search of her deep, blue eyes.

To Be Continued...

Chapter 3:

"Luis! Come back... You won't find her. What about your family? And your friends? You can't find her by yourself." At this, Luis turned around. "You want to help?" "Of course. You are hurting over this. All of us want to help you." "I don't want that kind of help", Luis muttered. "Luis! I mean they want to help you find Sheridan. They are grieving over her as well and they would do anything to get her back. But they can't believe she's still alive." Luis let his eyes fall. "I can't believe she's dead." "I know you need to find her, Luis. I know. I also know that you can never do that by yourself. There are so many places she could be. Places you can't get to in a boat."

"So I'll walk", Luis said defiantly. "Can you walk to heaven?" "She's not dead!" he objected. "I know, I'm sorry. All I'm trying to say is that I'm ready to help if you want." "Thanks, Beth." Beth grabbed Luis's hand and pulled him to the beach. "I mean it. I'll do anything to help you get through this", she assured him. Luis grunted in return and nodded slowly. "I know you miss her. We all do", she said softly. "I don't. She's right here", he smiled, pointing to his heart. "I can hear her heart. She's getting tired of waiting. But she knows I'm coming. I'll always come. She's so happy because she knows I'm coming. I love it when she's happy."

Beth shook her head as Luis babbled on happily. She hated seeing Luis like this. She knew she had to help him with his crazy quest. Even though it would end in the termination of Luis's heart, she felt obligated to help him. Whatever he wanted, she wanted to give to him. And when he finally realised the impossibilty of his wishes, she would be right there by him. Helping him through it. Forever. She smiled slightly. It would be hell until he figured it out. But it would be heaven afterwards.

"So how will we do this? You said I wouldn't be able to find her in a boat. What did you have in mind?" Luis asked her suddenly. "The Crane helicopter?" Beth suggested. "Ha! The Cranes wouldn't give me glass of water to keep me from dying", Luis spat. "Sheridan was... I mean is, I'm sorry. Sheridan is a Crane", Beth pointed out. "No, she's not. She never was", Luis corrected her. "I don't understand." "It doesn't matter. I do", Luis laughed and continued walking. Beth shook her head. She was utterly confused. And a bit scared. How could he be so happy? And what was he talking about?

She shook it off and continued her crusade to 'help' Luis. "The Cranes would not let Sheridan die, though", she urged. "Unless they were the ones trying to kill her", Luis stalked off. Beth ran after him. "Luis, we have to think rationally and logically. I will help you find her. You don't have to go through this alone." "I'm not. She's here with me", Luis replied. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I want to find Sheridan too. She doesn't talk to my heart though, so I sometimes forget that she's here", Beth rolled her eyes. Luis didn't notice the underlying sarcasm and turned to grin at her. "Thank you. I won't forget this", Luis decided. "I'll always be grateful to you. This means a lot." Beth hid her twinge of guilt under a reassuring smile. "You would do the same for me", she reminded him. "I know", he nodded.

To Be Continued...

Chapter 4:

Beth started to lead him towards the hotel, but he shook her off. “I’m not going back. They don’t believe me. They think she’d dead. But that can’t be true because she would never be the one to die first. She tried it before and look what happened”, Luis tried to explain. “So make them believe. I’ll help you. They need to know that you are safe, Luis!" Beth added. “Do you want them to feel how you feel right now? Like they have lost a loved one? Please, Luis.” Luis silently agreed to come and allowed Beth to lead him to the hotel. She glanced at his solemn face repeatedly to make sure he was all right. He never was, but each glance was combined with renewed hope.

“Luis!” Pilar ran towards her son and grabbed his arm. “Thank you for coming back.” She turned to Beth and smiled gratefully. “Thank you for bringing him back.” Beth nodded. “Always.” “Talk with your mother, Luis. Please”, Beth implored. “You will help me to make her believe?”, his voice wavered. “I will try”, Beth motioned otherwise to Pilar. “Please, Luis. For once in your life, give up. She can’t come back if she’s dead”, Pilar choked. “You wait for Papa and Antonio. I can wait for Sheridan”, he said, stubbornly.

“There is no proof that Martin and Antonio are dead. Sheridan is. Please accept it. You could never really live if you let it continue to consume you”, Pilar tried. “I could never live without her either”, Luis countered. “And I won’t have to if you will just let me find her. She’s waiting. She’s telling me to hurry up because she misses me. She needs me to come” “How can she tell you anything?” Pilar asked. “I can hear her in my heart. I swear it, mama. She needs me to come”, Luis repeated. Pilar shook her head. She looked at Beth for help, but was met with a helpless and ashamed frown. “Luis, can you honestly hear her heart?” Pilar whispered.

Luis hesitated and wiped a tear that had been running down his cheek. “I did the first time. But then she started asking who I was. How could Sheridan not know who I am. How can you forget your soulmate?” Beth winced, but put her hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you are not hearing her. Maybe someone else. Maybe you are hearing you own inner turmoil”, she suggested. “You said you believed me. She’s alive. She’s just lost”, Luis stated. “Luis…”, Pilar started.

“I have to find her. Please don’t try stopping me. You can’t. Souls have to find each other”, Luis declared. “Of course, Luis”, Pilar agreed. “But if she can’t remember you, maybe it is because she is not in our world anymore.” “She’s here, mama. I’m just so scared that she doesn’t know who I am and she’ll stop asking. Then I’d never find her. So I have to hurry. Please understand, mama”, Luis begged.

“I’m scared you will never come back. If she is dead and you never find her, would you ever come back?” When Luis hesitated, Pilar continued, “I’m scared I will lose another son. Please understand me as I have tried to understand you. I could not bear to lose more children.” “If I can’t find her in one year, I’ll come back. That’s a promise”, Luis proclaimed. “Thank you, Luis”, Pilar hugged him. “And then I’ll start looking again. Please accept it. I can either die without her or live trying to find her. There are no choices”, Luis said, firmly. Pilar swallowed and stared at her son. She saw the resolve in his eyes and the confusion in his heart. She quickly grabbed him in a hug and started crying. “I’ll miss you.”

To Be Continued...

Chapter 5:

“Tell Theresa and Miguel that I love them and I’ll see them soon”, Luis said as he turned. “A year is not soon”, Pilar argued. “I’ll find her before then. I have to, mama”, he answered firmly. Luis quickly hugged his mother again, motioned goodbye to Beth and left. “Pilar, you can’t let him do that!” Beth said, astonished. “I can’t stop him. I will never give up on Martin. How can I expect Luis to give up on Sheridan?” Pilar sighed. “But how will you live? What if he doesn’t come back?” Beth shrieked. “He promised”, Pilar answered calmly. “If you won’t stop him, I will”, Beth decided, running off. Pilar smiled. Softly. Gratefully. Relieved. “Thank you.”

Luis was hurrying along the beach. He felt a trickle of liquid near his heart. “Sheridan, are you crying?” Luis asked, concerned. “Just let your feet run to me.” “I always will”, Luis smiled. “I love those feet.” “Me too. I’m coming”, Luis assured his heart. “Luis!” a stern voice ordered. Luis barely stopped as he heard Sam’s angry tone. “Stop right there. I mean it, Luis!” roared Sam as he grabbed Luis’s shoulder. “Let go”, Luis said, sullenly. “I will, under no circumstances, allow you to look for Sheridan. We found a body that was fully identified as hers. She is not out there. I won’t let you spend the rest of your life searching for something that can never be found”, Sam concluded.

Luis didn’t respond. He slid onto the sand and leaned forward. “Luis? I didn’t mean to be so hard on you. I just need you to realise the pointlessness of this torture you are putting yourself through. Luis?” Sam bent down to speak face to face with Luis. “Are you ok? You’re bleeding! Luis?” Sam quickly pulled Luis up and dragged him towards the hotel. Luis didn’t respond. He let himself be led away from his dreams and towards unwanted help.

People rushed around him. Strangers screamed. Family cried. Friends shook their heads. Luis didn’t respond. “His stitches have come undone. We have to get him into surgery!” “Again, mama. It’s happening again. What if we never get him back?” “I wonder if he’ll ever get over this.” “We’ll tell you as soon as we finish the operation. Please wait outside.” “I hope everything works out.” “I don’t think this could get worse.” “I never expected Luis to break. I always considered him to be the strongest person I know. He must have been to keep away from Sheridan for so long.” “Shut up! Luis is strong. Love is stronger.” “Doctor, he’s not responding!” “What if we’ve lost him forever, mama?” “Again.”

To Be Continued…

Chapter 6:

Tears flooded the waiting room. Hearts stopped beating for a tense moment. Impossible words engulfed the group. "Mama, what would we do without Luis?" Theresa cried after a moment. "We don't need to ask that yet. Never cry when there is still time for hope", Pilar murmured. No-one dared point out the tears tumbling from her eyes.

Quiet cries once again overtook the room. "He's still trying to find her", Beth said, incredulously. "The only way he could ever find her..." Sam couldn't finish. "What can never be found again? I thought it would be Sheridan. Not Luis." "Finding her was all he had left to do."

A grim nurse slowly came into the room. "Are you all here for Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald?" The entire room nodded. "I'm very sorry. We did our best, but it was all we could do. We're all very sorry for your loss. If anyone wants to say last goodbyes, now's the time. You can follow me to his room."

Looks were passed around the room as the crowd shuffled after the nurse. "We'll miss you." "I love you. I'll never forget you." "I know you will always look down on us. Please ask G-d to help us." "Words don't suit grief. Tears work better. So just know that I'm always thinking of you." And a final whisper. "Say hi to Sheridan for us."

THE END