A Silver-Age series featuring Superboy.
The characters and places depicted here are copyright and trademarked by DC Comics. No infringement is intended.
Introduction
I grew up during the Silver Age of Comics, and during that time wrote many stories featuring my favorite characters, the Legion of Super-Heroes. One thing that I enjoyed was when occasionally the super-heroes would journey back to the 20th Century and assume secret identities of their own. I always wished there was a universe where they could all be students at Smallville High, to interact with Superboy permanently. Well, there is, of course, and it's right inside my head. And now, here it comes popping out. Please understand that the following stories are not part of the Legion chronology. Consider these tales from an alternate universe, where things may be slightly different, or somewhat different, or really really different. Also, this story is set in a nebulous time during the late 1950's. Dwight Eisenhower is president. (We know that Superman was performing his heroics when Kennedy was president, since Superman told Kennedy his secret identity. And wasn't THAT delightful irony?) There may be some historical inaccuracies, both in objects and language, but consider it artistic license.
There is an Afterword at the end with some more information. But for now, just enjoy.
Chapter 1: Lex Luthor holds a meeting
Five nervous young teen-agers, three girls and two boys, sat closely together on the wooden bench and watched another youth stalk back and forth in front of them. They had come to this meeting at his request, although coercion had been involved; none of them were there willingly. But Lex Luthor, already a well-known criminal although still in his teens, was not someone to be ignored in Smallville in the late 1950's.
Finally he stopped pacing and faced his guests, rocking back and forth on his heels. He was full of nervous energy, and always had to be moving. "You're probably wondering why I asked you all here today," he said needlessly. "As you know, I am Superboy's arch-enemy, his number one nemesis." No one argued, although a couple looked like they were about to say something and thought better of it. Lex continued, "I have been trying to think of a way to get my revenge on Superboy, and in you five I think I have found the perfect tool. Each of you has some reason to hate the boy of steel, or to scorn the societal bounds which make him such a great hero." He pointed at the first girl on the bench, a perky brown-haired girl. "Marie Elkins, you are the niece of Police Chief Parker, and live with him and his wife. But I know for a fact that you have been shop-lifting from Grant's Department Store. It would be a pretty big blow to the chief if the world finds out his niece is a thief."
He turned to the next teen-ager, a beefy youth with brown hair, who was hugging the girl next to him very close. "Gary Crane, you were planning to join the Air Force and become an flier. But Superboy ruined that when, with his super-hearing, he discovered that you have arrhythmia - irregular heart beat. No flying for you, hey? And Phyllis Grove," he indicated the brunette holding Crane, "you have a reputation as the 'town bad girl'. You've been in trouble with the law before. I'm offering you a chance to really show this town a hard time."
He stopped in front of the third girl, a petite brunette who had trouble meeting his eyes, and who sat wringing her hands together. "Sharon Vaughn, you nearly died because of Superboy. You were wearing a new dress, made of an expensive synthetic fabric. Superboy landed near you, in a mud puddle, and splashed your dress. He tried to get rid of the mud with his heat vision, and actually ignited your dress, Then he used super-breath to put out the flames, leaving you standing there in your underwear in front of the whole school." Sharon's face was bright red, and tears were swimming in her eyes. She refused to meet Lex's gaze.
"And finally, there's the town sissy, the boy everyone thinks is too afraid of his own shadow to get into any trouble, the boy who's too goody-goody to step over the line, the boy who's always being compared to Superboy, and losing. Yes, I'm talking about you, Clark Kent." The dark-haired boy with glasses looked directly at Lex with a defiant glare.
"Well, I have good news for you all. Tonight opens the way to revenge, the doorway to notoriety, the path to fame. Tonight I am announcing the founding of the Legion of Super-Vandals! And you are invited to join."
Clark's eyes narrowed. Since he secretly was Superboy, he had come to this meeting to discover Lex's plan, and thwart it if possible.
Chapter 2: Super-Powers
"Now, I know what you're thinking," Lex said. "That I'm crazy, that you don't have super-powers to take on Superboy. But I'm going to change that. I'm going to transform the five of you into super-villains, and I'm going to be your leader." He picked up a small boxlike device and showed it. "This is my mutometer. It registers the probability of someone being able to develop a super-ability. Girls, you will be pleased to know that all three of you indicate a very high mutagenic likelihood." The girls did not look pleased at all.
"Gary, I have developed a serum that will give you all of Superboy's powers, but unfortunately only when you concentrate on them. They won't be always 'on' the way Superboy's are. And Clark, I have a device that I'm sure you'll love, a way to spy unseen. But first, let's take care of the ladies."
He stepped to a corner of the room and pulled a canvas covering off a large object, which turned out to be a free-standing telephone booth. "This device will augment the mutagenic particles in your bloodstreams, bringing your potential to full flower. I don't know what kind of super-powers it will give you, but I'm sure they'll be very special - and very useful. Okay, who wants to go first?" The three girls continued to sit, none showing any inclination to take advantage of the offer.
"Come, come, don't be shy. A glorious future awaits you."
"Is it safe?" Phyllis asked.
"Safe? What is 'safe'? To get anywhere in life, you have to take a few risks. But I promise you, it will not hurt."
Clark Kent, from his position at the end of the bench, used his super-hearing to check Lex's pulse-rate. And from the way it was pounding, he was sure the boy was lying. He started to say something, but then Lex jumped forward and grabbed Marie's hand. "Alphabetic order, then," the criminal genius said. "Marie Elkins, you're first. Step into the box." He thrust her into the phone booth, and then made some adjustments to a control panel attached to it by wires. A bright light went on inside the booth, and for a few seconds Marie seemed to vanish. Then the light went out, and Lex jumped to the door to pull the girl out. "How do you feel?" he demanded.
"All right, I guess," the girl answered. "A little dizzy."
"Well, try it out then. Demonstrate your new ability." The girl closed her eyes and concentrated, but nothing happened.
"Okay, it may take some time to determine what you can do. Let's go on to Phyllis." He took the girl's hand, and she reluctantly let go of her boy-friend and took her place in the cabinet. Once again the brilliant light shone forth, and then she too stumbled out. But again, she was unable to display any new ability. Sharon in turn went into the box, and the light shone. But she too seemed to be powerless when she stepped out of the box.
"All right," Lex said. "Let's try a little experiment." He reached into a drawer and pulled out a large-caliber handgun. Before the others could react he fired six shots at the three girls, all of whom screamed. Gary leaped forward, but Clark caught his arm and held him back.
And a very unusual thing happened. Sharon Vaughn suddenly dwindled in height, to the size of a small dog. The bullets went harmlessly over her head. The shots fired at Phyllis went right through her, to plunk against the wall. And Marie split into two girls, identical twins. But that wasn't sufficient; the bullets struck her -- and bounced off.
"VERY good," Lex cried. "Now see if you can reverse the effect - turn it off, as it were." Slowly Sharon returned to normal size, while Phyllis went into Gary's arms, and seemed quite solid. And the two Marie's merged back into one girl.
"The bullets," Marie gasped. "They were made of rubber."
"I knew that," Clark thought to himself. "I checked with my x-ray vision. I didn't think he'd try to hurt them... not with this master plan of his depending on them."
"Of course," Lex said. "You don't think I'd actually injure my own team-mates, do you? But I figured that if you reacted to a dangerous situation, you'd use your new powers instinctively. Now let's move on to the boys."
Chapter 3: The Boys Power Up
Now Lex went to a desk and pulled out a small bottle. "Take these," he said to Gary. "Just one, though. When you do, your body will be charged with Ultra-Energy for the next 24 hours. Here's a glass of water."
Gary obeyed, swallowing a pill from the bottle with some reluctance. Suddenly he seemed to glow, to be larger than he was before. "Try it out," Lex demanded. "Lift this table." Gary picked up the heavy wooden table with one hand.
"Excellent," Lex said again. "Now use your - let's call it 'penetra-vision' - to see what's in the next room." Gary turned his head toward the next room, but suddenly the table came crashing to the floor.
"Object lesson," Lex said. "You can only use a power if you're concentrating on it. If you lose your concentration, like by trying to use another power, it goes away."
"And now for Clark." Luthor picked up a belt from the desk and held it out. "Be very careful with this, because it's the only one of its kind. It will make the wearer invisible by turning this dial. But it's powered by Kryptonite!"
"Kryptonite!" the others cried as one. Beads of sweat popped onto Clark's forehead. Green Kryptonite was the radioactive mineral that resulted from his home world's destruction, with the power to kill super-powered Kryptonians.
"You can't use Kryptonite," Gary said. "It's deadly to Superboy. That would be murder."
"Not to worry, Gary," Lex said. "It's not Green Kryptonite. It's Red Kryptonite, of a kind that's already affected Superboy. It made him invisible once. And any given piece of Red Kryptonite can only affect him once."
"Oh, yes," Clark thought. "It was a real strain keeping my identity secret from Lana Lang when Clark couldn't be seen."
"But - that won't affect Clark," Marie said. "He's not a Kryptonian."
"It won't affect Clark at all," Lex said. "It doesn't actually make him invisible. It affects the light rays that cause him to register on our eyes. Here, try it on and demonstrate." He slipped the belt around Clark's waist, and buckled it in front. As he did so Clark felt a strange surge of energy go through him, and he jerked.
"Don't be a baby," Lex ordered. "It can't hurt you. Now turn the dial slowly." Clark followed the instructions, and the others gasped as his form slowly faded out of sight. Reversing the dial caused him to reappear.
"Excellent," Lex said. "The five members of the Legion of Super-Vandals are ready to begin their careers as menaces to society. Tomorrow I will give each of you an assignment to carry out. And then I, as leader, will give Smallville a show like it's never seen before!"
But Clark was not listening. Instead he was looking at the athletic Gary Crane in a way that he'd never done before. Those muscles! That wavy hair. Clark felt a strange compulsion to go over and touch him. Feel those hard biceps, that splendid chest. Only his iron will prevented him from assaulting the youth.
Chapter 4: Clark's Little Problem
Clark Kent walked home from the meeting in the abandoned warehouse, the Kryptonite-powered invisibility belt hidden beneath his sweater. But he felt strange. The world seemed different to him. He passed an attractive woman in a low-cut dress, but ignored her. Instead, he focused his attention on a young man across the street, leaning against a lamppost and smoking a cigarette. The young man had a slim build, an attractive face, and curly red hair. "I wonder what he looks like underneath those clothes," Clark thought. He activated his x-ray vision, but snapped his head sideways before getting a glimpse. "No," he thought, "that's not right. I don't use my powers for personal pleasure."
He paused outside the local bus station as the bus from Metropolis rolled in and discharged its passengers. Two of the male passengers hurried to the rest room, and, curious, Clark followed them with his super-vision. What he saw shocked him. The two men went into the same stall, and one stood straddling the stool. The other went to his knees, and opened the standing man's fly. Clark looked away, horrified. "People," he thought wryly. Then, unable to stop himself, he looked again. But the angle was wrong, so he crossed the street until he was sideways to the two men. What they were doing disgusted him, but also fascinated. His eyes widened as he watched their movements. Then his attention was distracted as a man passing by touched his arm.
"Hi, kid," the man said. "Interested in having a little fun?"
"What do you mean?" Clark asked.
"Well, we could step into the shadows here, and I could take out my willie and you could suck on it. Or we could go over to the bus station, and go in the men's room..."
"Thanks," Clark said. "Not interested." And with that he turned and ran toward home. He reached the Kent house in 32 seconds. And then he realized that he had used super-speed, while in his Clark Kent identity. "I hope that man didn't recognize me," he thought. "I don't think he's from Smallville, though. Probably just got off the bus to stretch his legs - or something." And deep inside Clark faced a very frightening realization - that he regretted not going with the man.
Chapter 5: Meet Bob Cobb
The next day Clark Kent woke early, as he usually did, rose from bed and put on his Superboy uniform. Seconds later he was flying above Smallville on his morning patrol. Below, young Mrs. Archer slipped out to the front yard to pick up the morning paper. She was wearing a flimsy nightgown that accentuated her ripe young body, and Superboy was appreciative of the way the morning sun shone through it, outlining her feminine form. He did not use his x-ray vision for prurient purposes, but if the sun did, that wasn't his fault.
And, he realized with a smile, the strange thoughts of the night before no longer had a hold on him.
His patrol completed without incident, he returned home to shower and dress for school. He put on his usual blue trousers, white shirt and red sweater, and after a moment decided to wear the invisibility belt under his sweater again. He put it on, adjusted his clothes, and stepped out into the hall. His "big brother", Bob Cobb, was coming down the hall wearing only a bathrobe, and Clark felt a pang of desire when he saw the man's bare legs under the robe. His heart beating faster, Clark ran for the stairs. Upstairs he could hear the shower starting, and he couldn't help imagining Bob standing naked, the water pouring off his manly body.
"What's happening?" he wondered. "Am I turning homo?" But he remembered pretty Mrs. Archer, and felt relieved, although the memory was not as pleasurable as the actuality had been.
While Clark was eating the excellent breakfast prepared by Mrs. Kent, Bob joined them. Now, readers should be aware that Bob Cobb was actually a space traveler from Daxam, whose real name was Lar Gand. Superboy discovered him in his crashed space-ship, suffering from amnesia. When the boy demonstrated super-powers equal to his, Superboy believed him to be another survivor of Krypton, and called him Mon-El. But exposure to lead proved as lethal to Mon-El as Kryptonite was to the boy of steel, who had to project Mon-El into the Phantom Zone to save his life. He thought that Mon-El might have to stay in the zone for centuries, but fortunately he encountered another Daxamite while on a space mission. The traveler told Superboy that an antidote against the poison had been developed, and sold Superboy a large quantity. Mon-El was released from the Phantom Zone and cured, after which he ostensibly became a cousin of Clark's, a boarder with the Kent's, and a door-to-door salesman.
Clark watched the smooth gestures with which Bob ate his eggs and bacon. "Poetry in motion," he thought. Bob looked up, and Clark quickly looked away, blushing. A moment later he looked back, and found Bob regarding him peculiarly. Clark jumped up from the table, grabbed his books, and ran for the door. "Gotta hurry, gonna be late," he shouted as he flew out the door.
Martha Kent looked at the clock. "Land sakes," she said. "He's going to be extremely early. What has gotten into that boy?"
Chapter 6. A Bad Day for Clark
Clark went through the morning at school in a bad way. He had never noticed the handsome faces and attractive bodies of the other boys in the way he was today. He tried to concentrate on his lessons, but his mind wandered. With his x-ray vision he watched some men swimming at a nearby motel, and finally the teacher reprimanded him for not paying attention.
"What's the matter, Clark," Lana Lang whispered. "You seem like you're a million miles away."
"I don't know," Clark replied. "I guess I didn't sleep very well last night."
In the halls he met his fellow Super-Vandals. Marie seemed excited, while Sharon was more nervous and withdrawn than usual. Gary was his usual boisterous self, but he occasionally winked at Clark, reminding him of the strange adventure they were sharing.
Of all his classes, Clark dreaded gym the most. He was afraid his strange attraction to his fellow male students would be evident while they were changing into their gym suits. But his fears were groundless. He took off the invisibility belt and stowed it in his locker, then took off his red sweater and carefully laid it on top. He then glanced around at the other half-naked boys, and felt a small twinge of desire, which faded. He quickly finished changing, and joined the others on the basketball court. He faked a twisted ankle, and joined the other non-athletes in the bleachers to watch the others play. Using his x-ray vision, he checked on the general conditions around Smallville, finding that everything was peaceful. But Mrs. Archer was out riding her bicycle, wearing tight toreador pants that gave his imagination plenty to work with.
Finally the coach blew his whistle, and the class headed for the showers. There was the usual horse-play, and one boy knotted a towel and snapped it at Clark. He yelled, even though it couldn't hurt his invulnerable body, and swiped at the boy, who ran off laughing. He dried off in the middle of a cluster of naked boys, without feeling any rise in libido. Then he put his clothes back on, hiding the invisibility belt under his sweater, and turned to see that Brad Stilton was still naked. Clark's eyes widened at the sight of the handsome hunk, and turned away quickly, but it was too late; he felt himself hardening inside his pants. He turned so that he hoped no one else would notice, grabbed his books, and hurried to his next class.
At last school was over for the day. He hurried home, did his homework at super-speed, and then changed to Superboy to do his afternoon patrol.
When he was finished, he changed back to Clark Kent and went to find Pa Kent at his general store. He did not feel like he could discuss his feelings with the elderly man, but he did have some other problems to talk about. When they were dealt with, he helped Pa close the store, and they went home for supper. The meal was delicious, and when it was done Clark followed Bob up to his room for what he hoped would be an enlightening conversation.
Chapter 7. Advice from Big Brother
Bob went into his room and sat down at his desk to do some paperwork involved with his sales job. Clark followed him, and threw himself down on Bob's bed. "Bob," he said, "I've got a problem that I'd like to talk to you about."
Bob turned in the chair to face the boy. "Shoot," he said.
"I think Clark Kent's turned queer," he said. "All day at school today, I've been thinking randy thoughts about the other guys. But when I change to Superboy, I'm back to enjoying girls."
"Well, it sounds like magic, or Red Kryptonite," Bob said. "Have you been visited by Master Mxyzptlk, or been exposed to Red K?"
"I've been carrying a piece of Red Kryptonite around with me all day," Clark replied. He pulled up his sweater to show Bob the belt. "But it's one that's already affected me, so that can't be it."
Bob used his x-ray vision to examine the belt, and suddenly laughed. "There's the answer," he said. "Something has changed the molecular nature of the Kryptonite. It's not red any more -- it's pink."
Clark x-rayed the belt also. "Wow," he said. "Using the Red Kryptonite to power the invisibility belt did something to it."
"Okay," Bob said, "now explain to me why Clark Kent is wearing an invisibility belt powered by Red - or rather, Pink -- Kryptonite."
Clark explained the events of the previous evening, including what happened at the bus station. Bob just grinned.
"This adds a new wrinkle to your secret identity problems," he said. "How can homo Clark be hetero Superboy? No one will suspect."
"Very funny," Clark said. "But what if I don't want to be queer? Isn't it nasty, and sick, and illegal?"
"On your planet, and in your culture, it's considered so. On other planets, and in other cultures on your planet, it's just considered a facet of one's character. And just recently, Dr. Evelyn Hooker published a paper stating that it's NOT a mental illness. Maybe one day your civilization will wake up and recognize the contributions of its 'other-directed' members."
"Contributions? Like what?"
"Well, like Alexander the Great, or Leonardo da Vinci, or Oscar Wilde, or J. Edgar Hoover..."
"J. Edgar Hoover is not queer," Clark shouted.
"Oh, yeah? Cast your telescopic blue eyes in the direction of Washington DC, and you might be in for a big surprise."
"I do not use my vision powers for spying," Clark said self-righteously.
"Your loss," Bob replied.
Chapter 8. Superboy's New Power
"Okay," Clark said. "I guess it might not be so bad, and you're right about the secret identity thing. But I still don't want to go messing around at the bus station."
"You'd better not," Mon-El said. "You could kill somebody."
"How?" Clark asked.
Mon-El looked at him carefully. "Clark, have you ever pleasured yourself? Masturbated? Choked the chicken?"
Clark Kent blushed. "No," he said. "That's -- nasty."
"Clark, Clark, Clark," Mon-El said sternly. "First off, it's a natural part of growing up, learning what your body will do. And in your case, it's a necessary thing, because your body isn't like everyone else's. You NEED to know what it can do. Okay, it's school time. Whip it out, buddy. Your big brother is about to give you your first lesson in meat-beating."
Clark objected, but Mon-El insisted. And in fact, there was a definite sexual thrill in opening his trousers in front of another male. He wondered if Mon-El was going to help him relieve the sexual tension, and in fact hoped that he would. Just thinking about it made him hard.
"Okay," Bob said. "Before we get started, let me hang up this privacy screen."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In the living room, Jonathan and Martha Kent were relaxing after a hard day's work. Martha was knitting, while Jonathan read the newspaper. The television was silent.
Suddenly from upstairs came the sound of shattering glass. Jonathan and Martha looked at each other. "Your turn," Jonathan said.
Martha rose from her comfortable chair and walked to the foot of the stairs. "Are you boys all right up there?" she shouted.
Bob Cobb appeared at the top of the stairs, wiping his hands and looking somewhat embarrassed. "Sorry, Aunt Martha," he called back. "Clark and I were just rough-housing, and it got out of hand. We'll fix everything."
"All right," Martha replied, and walked back to the living room. "Super-sons," she sighed. "What are you gonna do? Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em."
"Nope," Jonathan agreed. "The bullets bounce right off."
Upstairs, the boys looked ruefully at the shattered window. "Wow," Clark said. "That was - powerful."
"Yes, it was," agreed Bob. He looked out the broken window. "Looks like you cracked the branch of the oak tree, too. Good thing you took a practice swing. I'd hate to think of what would have happened to Lana Lang, or some poor guy at the bus station, if you'd had your first big one there!"
Clark looked thoughtful. "If you hadn't caught the rest of it, it could have been worse. I guess I'd better practice controlling it, huh."
Bob laughed. "Unfortunately, Clark, if you have to control it, you're missing half the fun. That wonderful moment of no-control..."
Chapter 9. The Vandals Hit the Streets
Later that evening Clark Kent crept out of his house and hurried to the abandoned warehouse for a meeting of the Vandals. As he made his way through the dark streets, he noticed men on the street who looked at him with interest. He wondered if they had always been there, but the normal Clark Kent wouldn't have noticed them.
Entering the warehouse, he found that he was the last to arrive. "Ah," Lex Luthor said. "I see our friend Clark made it. I was beginning to think you were wimping out on us!"
"N-no," Clark stuttered, to Lex's amusement. "I'm ready."
"Great," Lex said. "Then it's time for you Super-Vandals to 'suit up'!" The others looked at him with puzzlement. "I've prepared action costumes for each of you, like Superboy's uniform. Gary, this one is for you."
"Wow," Gary said. "Cool!" The costume was basically a red sweatshirt with a green eagle-like figure on the front.
"Step into the next room and try it on," Lex suggested. "And Marie, this one's for you." While Gary was changing, he handed out the remaining costumes. There was something of a problem when Sharon looked at hers.
"No," she said. "I'm not going to wear this. It shows off my - my behind, and my legs, and my ... uh ..."
"Boobs," suggested Phyllis helpfully.
"Cleavage!" Sharon shouted, throwing the costume down on the table. "I won't wear it."
"You have to wear a costume," Lex told her. "You don't want anyone to recognize you, do you?"
"I'm going to be one inch high," Sharon pointed out. "I don't think anyone's going to see a one-inch high figure and say, 'Hey, isn't that Sharon Vaughn?'" The others laughed as Lex gave way.
In the other room, Clark made sure no one was looking, then whipped off his outer garments to reveal the Superboy uniform below. Moving quickly, he donned the brown overall that Lex had provided, and topped it off with the Invisibility Belt. Then he rejoined the others.
"Okay, the next order of business is selecting names," Lex said.
"Why? We already have names," said Sharon, who was evidently ready to be difficult.
"Yes, but 'Sharon Vaughn' isn't likely to strike terror into the hearts of ordinary citizens."
"What name can you suggest for a one-inch high girl that will strike terror into anyone?" Sharon asked.
"How about -- VIRUS?"
"Forget it," Sharon said. "That sounds all -- germy."
"Shrinking Violet," suggested Marie, and Sharon said, "Okay. I'll be Shrinking Violet. And you can be Duo Damsel."
Trying to regain control, Lex interrupted, "Duo Damsel is fine. And Gary, since you're taking Ultra-pills that give you Ultra-powers, you should be Ultra Boy!"
"Ultra Boy," Gary tried the sound of it. "I like it."
"Phyllis -- Phantom Girl. And Clark, how about the Invisible Kid?"
Phyllis and Clark indication satisfaction with their new names, and Lex went on to the next order of business. He picked up a neat stack of filing index cards and spread them out on the table. "Here's a list of potential vandalisms you can commit to get the name of The Legion of Super-Vandals before the public. Look them over and pick out one that you think you can pull off. Unless, Miss Shrinking Violet, you have an idea of your own."
Sharon looked at the cards disdainfully. "I think I do, thanks," she replied.
Phyllis picked one up. "The Museum of Art for me," she said.
Gary grinned. "I'm taking the Police Station," he said.
Clark looked over the cards and finally picked one out. "The Hospital Maternity Ward," he said.
Marie took longer to pick one out, but finally said, "The high school."
"Excellent choices," Lex said. "What about you, 'Shrinking Violet'. Where are you going to wreak havoc on the peace of Smallville? The Doll Museum? The toy shop?"
Sharon said wearily, "I thought I'd do the Telephone Exchange."
"Okay," Lex cried. "Meet back here tomorrow night, with a full report of your exploits."
Chapter 10. A Bad Day in Smallville
The next day in Smallville was one of the most exciting and exasperating that anyone could recall. The Legion of Super-Vandals had done their work well.
The first evidence of their existence was the large graffiti sprayed on the front of the police station - on the third floor. "Super Vandals Rule!" it proclaimed.
In the maternity ward of the hospital, Mr. Brian White, wealthy young husband, passed out when the nurse showed him his new son, a tiny Negro baby. Examination showed that someone had switched the name tags on all the little cribs, mixing the babies up.
Phone calls in Smallville that day were a nightmare. Someone had rewired the main switchboard, so that a call to Kent's General Store reached Pauley's Mortician, while calls to the police station were answered by 80-year old Mrs. Gramsley, who was somewhat deaf and had a hard time understanding.
When the curator of the Museum of Art unlocked the door that morning, he almost passed out, too. Someone had entered the locked museum during the night and painted mustaches, beards, spectacles, horns, and other additions on all the portraits.
The security guard at the high school reported that the only person entering the building had been a single girl, Marie Elkins, and she had only been inside for 10 minutes. And yet the school had been trashed, desks overturned, books thrown around. It looked like a tornado had hit.
By afternoon, thanks to Superboy, most of the damage had been repaired. Phone calls were going through, babies were reidentified, the enhancements to the museum paintings were gone, the high school had been set to rights, and the paint on the police station had been scrubbed off. But it was a day Smallville would never forget. The evening paper carried the headline SUPER-VANDALS DESTROY PEACE OF SMALLVILLE, a fact that gave Lex Luthor great pleasure. He laminated the headline and set it on a table. When the Vandals arrived that evening, he showed it to them. "This is the first exhibit in our trophy room," he told them. "You all did great. Now, who did what?"
"Getting into the locked museum was child's play for me," Phyllis said. "In my immaterial form, I just walked through the door."
"I went to the hospital invisibly," Clark said, "and switched the name tags."
"In my tiny form," Sharon said, "I crept into the phone company's main switchboard and switched all the wires around."
"I went into the school, split into two girls, and then one of me left while the other stayed behind to wreck the place," Marie explained.
"And using my ultra-powers, I flew up to the third floor of the police station and painted the sign," said Gary.
"Excellent work, everybody!" Lex said. "Now I'll plan our next foray. This time it will be my turn to set Smallville on its ear. For now, go on home and get a good night's sleep. You were probably all exhausted from last night."
The Vandals agreed, and separated to return to their homes. As soon as they were gone, Lex picked up a small lead-lined box. "Yes, indeed," he said to himself. "Smallville will get quite a surprise tonight. And so will the Legion of Super-Vandals."
Chapter 11. The Greatest Vandal of All
Swiftly Lex hurried through Smallville, to the power plant on the edge of town. There were no guards, so he was able to slip into the building and plant his small box next to the generator.
"When the bomb in the box goes off, Smallville will be without power," he snickered. "The Vandals will be blamed, and some of the town's most unexpected teen-agers will go to jail. The police chief's niece, the best athlete, shy little Sharon Vaughn and that wuss Clark Kent. Sure, I'll go to jail, too, but it won't be for the first time. And the town will be devastated by the shame of their little heroes."
"Oh, was that your plan?" a voice asked behind him. Lex turned to see Superboy blocking the exit.
Lex laughed. "Stay away, Superboy," he said. "You can't disarm the bomb. There's Kryptonite in the box as well. And if you get rid of the box by throwing it away, you'll lose the evidence, too."
"Not my problem," Superboy said, yawning. "Somebody else has it well in hand."
Lex turned back to the box in time to see tiny Sharon Vaughn climbing through the keyhole. "You traitor," he shouted. "How did you follow me here?"
"Actually, Gary - or Ultra Boy - followed you with his Penetra-Vision. He also saw the bomb in the box and told me how to disarm it," the girl replied, regaining her normal height.
"And Clark Kent and I followed you, too," said Phyllis Groves, walking through the wall. "He was invisible, and I was in phantom form, passing through buildings to follow you."
"That's right," Clark's voice said out of thin air. But actually it was Superboy using super-ventriloquism.
"I'll get you yet, Superboy," Lex said, rushing toward the box. Sharon jumped out of his way. "Maybe you've disarmed my bomb, but I've still got the Kryptonite."
But Superboy stepped out of the doorway, to let Gary and Marie enter. Marie split into two girls, who blocked Lex from reaching the box, while Gary grabbed his arms and pinned him.
"Sorry, Lex," Superboy said. "Your whole crew turned against you. You guessed wrong about their motivation."
"I'm not really a shoplifter," Marie explained. "My uncle, Police Chief Parker, was using me to test the security at Grant's Department Store."
"And thanks to Superboy discovering my heart problem, I'm scheduled for an operation later this year," Gary said.
"Superboy embarrassed me," Sharon said, "but he made up for it by bringing me a special fabric from another planet, that stretches to any size, repels dirt, and changes color without dying."
Superboy laughed. "So when I was on patrol yesterday, I got a summons from Chief Parker. On my way to the station, I flew over Sharon's house, and she waved me down and told me everything. At the police station, Chief Parker and Marie told me everything, too, and as I was flying away Gary met me in the sky and told me your plans, too. And Jonathan Kent phoned the police station after I left, and told the chief what Clark told him. So the Super-Vandals club that you formed to embarrass Smallville actually saved it."
"But what about the vandalism?" Lex mumbled.
"Chief Parker agreed to the graffiti on the police station. There were only three babies in the maternity ward, and they all had identification bracelets, so straightening the signs was no problem. I put the school to rights, and erased Gary's graffiti. The phone company had already installed a new system; the old one was being phased out. Phyllis only defaced the glass protecting the paintings, so all the museum had to do was wash the glass. No harm, no foul. Okay, Lex, it's time to take you and your little toy to the police. Another plot bites the dust."
Chapter 12. The End of the Vandals
The next day was Saturday, and the five remaining Vandals met for the final time at the old warehouse. Marie displayed the headline on today's paper: SUPER-VANDALS FOIL LUTHOR PLOT AGAINST TOWN. "I guess this is the last trophy for our club," she sighed. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
"We're not done yet," Gary said. "I still have a few of the Ultra-pills left, and Clark has his belt. And the girls still have their powers."
"I'm not planning to wear the Invisibility Belt again," Clark said. "I think it has some side-effects that I don't want to talk about."
"Invisible diarrhea?" suggested Phyllis. "Everyone stands around wondering where the smell is coming from?" They all laughed.
"And I don't want to be the Shrinking Violet any more," Sharon said. "It's too dangerous. Cats and snakes and mean dogs. And insects -- giant insects!"
"Yeah, and being a phantom is kind of scary, too," Phyllis agreed. "It's hard to move when your feet don't really touch the floor. And what if I couldn't return to normal? I'd be a ghost forever."
"Well, I think being two girls is great," Marie said. "I get chores done in half the time, and one of us can go out while the other is doing the homework. I just hope it doesn't wear off."
"Maybe you should move the telephone booth to your house," suggested Sharon. "Then if you need a booster, it'll be right there."
Marie looked at the huge box dubiously. "I don't know where I'd put it. And it doesn't go with ANY of my furniture."
"Anyway, I think Marie's right," Phyllis said. "Let's leave the super-heroics to Superboy. Our powers are pretty light-weight next to his."
"Hey, I'm just as strong as he is," Gary proclaimed.
"Yes, but when you're that strong you're not bulletproof. And when you're bulletproof, there goes your strength." Phyllis saw that she was hurting his feelings, so she gave him a big hug. "Anyway, you'll always be my Ultra Boy, even if you can't bend steel in your bare hands."
And so the five Vandals shook hands and parted company. And Clark, leaving last, thought to himself, "And I'm free of the curse of the Pink Kryptonite. Clark Kent won't be turning into a fairy." He walked down the street after the others, and admired the firm roundness of Gary's tight ass.
"NO, NO!" he thought to himself. "Phyllis' tits! Phyllis' tits!"
THE END
Afterword:
Some information that may enhance your enjoyment of the story.
Here is a list of the appearances of these super-teens:
Adventure Comics No. 247 (Apr 1958) "The Legion of Super-Heroes"
Cosmic Boy, Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl make appearances in 'secret identities', but they are not named and so do not appear in my stories.
Superboy No. 89 (Jun 1961) "Superboy's Big Brother"
Mon-El takes the identity of Bob Cobb, a door-to-door salesman.
Superboy No. 98 (Jul 1962) "The Boy With Ultra Powers"
Ultra Boy assumes the identity of Gary Crane to learn Superboy's secret identity as an initiation rite.
Lois Lane No. 50 (Jul 1964) "Lois Lane's Luckiest Day"
Phantom Girl as Phyllis Grove, Shrinking Violet as Sharon Vaughn, and Triplicate Girl as Tina Glenn attempt to join the Lois Lane Fan Club.
Adventure Comics No. 369 (Jun 1968) "Mordru the Merciless" and Adventure Comics No. 370 (Jul 1968) "The Devil's Jury"
Mon-El as Bob Cobb, Duo Damsel as Marie Elkins, and Shadow Lass as Betsy Norcross seek sanctuary from Mordru in the 20th Century.
Dr. Evelyn Hooker's landmark study "The Adjustment of the Male Overt Homosexual" was published in the Journal of Projective Techniques in 1957. It disputed the long-held belief that homosexuality was pathological.