Chapter One of The Flaming Knave from Krypton, by John D. Taylor
Clark Kent was in his room in the 20th century, doing his homework at super-speed, when his super-hearing detected a buzz from the basement. Using his xray-vision, the nerdy student looked into his trophy room, where a statuette of a green-skinned boy was glowing.
"It's Brainiac 5, current leader of the Legion of Super-Heroes," the youth said out loud. "I'm needed for a mission in the 30th Century." Quickly he finished his homework, changed into his heroic identity of Superboy, and shot downstairs in less than 5 seconds. In the kitchen, he paused to kiss Ma Kent's cheek.
"Gotta go, Ma," Superboy said. "I'm going to have to time-travel at super-speed to help the Legion of Super-Heroes!"
"All right", the elderly woman chuckled. "But be home in time for supper - we're having spaghetti."
"Mm-mm -- can't miss that," the boy of steel replied. Then he zoomed through a trap door, and out a secret tunnel. He flew high above Earth's atmosphere, and then began flying faster and faster until he passed the speed of light and entered the strange area of time. Carefully he picked the time in the 30th century from which the signal was originating and reentered the normal space-time continuum. Hurrying to the city of Metropolis, he landed at Legion Headquarters, where Brainiac 5 was waiting.
"Superboy," the super-intelligent teen cried when he saw the familiar red and blue figure with yellow accents appear. "Glad you could make it. We've got a real problem with Dev-Em!"
Dev-Em! Superboy remembered the trouble the Knave from Krypton had given him before. Once the next-door neighbor on Krypton of the infant who would become Superboy, Dev-Em had escaped the destruction of the planet by constructing a bomb-shelter in which he and his family, in suspended animation, slept through the planet's explosion. They slept through the next several years, arriving on Earth when Superboy was Dev-Em's age. But Dev-Em was a rascal, and performed several acts of super-vandalism before taking his parents through time to the 30th century. There he 'reformed', becoming a member of the I.C.C., the Inter-Stellar Counter-Intelligence Corps.
"What happened?" the boy of steel demanded. "Has Dev-Em reverted to his previous knavish behavior?"
"Worse," Brainiac 5 replied. "He's been exposed to pink kryptonite, which has reversed his sexual alignment."
"His what?" Superboy asked.
Brainiac 5 paused on the way into the clubhouse. "Uh-oh," he said. "Superboy, has Pa Kent had the sex talk with you yet?"
Superboy's ears turned pinkish, but he replied, "Of course! I know where babies come from, and how they get there."
"What about -- uh -- alternate sexualities?"
"You mean like with aliens, or something?"
Now Brainiac 5's skin became a darker shade of green. "No, I mean, like homosexuals and bisexuals and transsexuals and ... no, looking at your face I can see he left that part out. I guess you come from the 20th century just BEFORE the sexual revolution."
"There's going to be a revolution?" Superboy gasped. "Which side will I be on?"
"SATURN GIRL!" Brainiac 5 bellowed. Fortunately the mental maid was within calling distance, and came running.
"What is it, Brainiac 5?" she asked. "Has some inter-stellar outlaw attacked Metropolis?"
"I wish," Brainiac 5 replied. "Superboy doesn't understand the effect of Pink Kryptonite - in fact, he's a little shaky on all the facts concerning alternate sexuality."
"Oh, Mordru," Saturn Girl cursed. Gritting her teeth, she reached out her hand and touched Superboy's brow. "Relax," she said. "This won't hurt ... physically, anyway." And information flowed from the mind of the teen from Titan to the boy of steel, whose face immediately became as red as his cape as his eyes widened with shock. When Saturn Girl was done, he jumped away from her.
"NO!" he cried. "People don't really do that! That's ... disgusting!"
"What did you tell him?" Brainiac 5 asked. "Did you give him EVERYTHING?"
"Absolutely not!" Saturn Girl replied. "Just the high points. The VERY high points."
Brainiac 5 covered his eyes with one hand and shuddered. "It's going to be a long day," he said. Then an idea hit him. "Saturn Girl," he said, "wanna be Legion Leader again?"
"What a wonderful idea," said the telepathic teenager. "Unfortunately, I'm receiving an urgent telepathic message from - uh - somebody in trouble - uh - and I must go -- bye!" And the girl in the red uniform ran like an Arcturian Bungo-Bunny for safety.
The Legion's leader led Superboy into one of the Legion's lounges, where they could see Dev-Em sitting with some of the other super-teens. Quickly Brainiac 5 filled Superboy in on the situation.
"While on a mission for the I.C.C., Dev-Em was exposed to pink kryptonite. The terrorists thought it was regular kryptonite, and would destroy him; instead he shattered it with one blow and then rounded them up. Unfortunately, though the effect of pink kryptonite is temporary, Dev-Em doesn't seem to be coming out of it. He's been examined by the best doctors, and even exposed to another piece of Pink K, but nothing seems to help. We're hoping that you, as a fellow Kryptonian, can figure out why the effect isn't wearing off and how we can restore him to normal."
Using the information that Saturn Girl had given him, Superboy said, "Is it possible he's always been 'that way', and the pink kryptonite simply set him on the path that would be 'normal' for him?"
"Nope," Brainiac 5 said. "It's not impossible, but if that were the case Pink K would make him hetero, and that's not what happened."
"Well, Saturn Girl gave me this info on the Kinsey scale -- maybe he's somewhere in the middle, and the pink k just tipped him one way or the other."
"Hmm... could be. Talk with him, and see if you think of anything else."
Reluctantly Superboy approached the little group. When Dev-Em saw him, the former Knave from Krypton leapt to his feet and rushed to the boy of steel. To Superboy's surprise, Dev-Em gave him a big hug, and then held him at arm's length to look at him.
"Well, well, well," he cried. "Little Kal-El, whom I used to baby-sit, is all grown up. And very nicely grown up, I might add."
"Knock it off, Dev," Superboy said. "You've seen me at this age before ... when you first arrived on Earth, and then when we met here in the 30th century."
"Yes, I know, darling, but it's always such a surprise to see how you've ... developed. Been working out?"
Superboy brushed out of Dev-Em's grasp. "Dev, we need to talk about this 'aberration' of yours. I want to help you."
"Help me? Honey, I don't need help. All I really need is love."
"No, you need help. This isn't you. The real you is very..."
"Butch? Puh-lease! I don't want to go back to being that hairy-knuckled ape. It's much nicer knowing the names of a lot more colors, and being able to talk with girls without undressing them with my x-ray vision..."
"Masculine, I meant. And knock it off with the x-ray vision talk!"
"Okay, okay. I see I'm embarrassing you. We can talk." He turned back to the group of Legionnaires and said, "Superboy and I are going to 'talk' now. He's going to make me all better. But before we do, I have the answer to the question I know a lot of you girls have been wondering -- BOXERS!"
Outraged, Superboy hit Dev-Em on the back of the head, but the invulnerable knave merely giggled as he sank into one of the Legion loungers. "Have a seat, Kal," he said. "Let's talk."
Superboy took the seat next to Dev-Em, and looked at him closely. To his surprise, he realized that he had never done so before. Dev-Em had dark brown eyes, with depths the boy of steel had never seen before. And his roguish smile was strangely attractive. Shaking his head, Superboy thought, "I am a Kinsey 0! Kinsey 0! And Dev-Em ... well, so what if he's very handsome. Lots of guys are. And that twinkle in his eye..." Superboy shuddered. "What's the matter with me? Where are these thoughts coming from?"
"So," the champion from Krypton said, "tell me about how you were exposed..."
"Love to," Dev-Em interrupted. "I was taking a shower..."
"To Pink Kryptonite!" the boy of steel continued. "Spare me your homosexual fantasies."
"Why?" Dev-Em asked. "You have an important place in them."
Gritting his teeth, Superboy repeated, "Tell me how you were ... came to be affected ... by the pink kryptonite."
Dev-Em repeated the story that Superboy had already heard from Brainiac 5, with many side trails and amusing comments. Superboy found himself fascinated as his former nemesis spun his tale. The knave from Krypton's voice was strangely seductive, and Superboy felt like he could listen all day. But he did not hear anything in the narrative that gave him any clue to why the I.C.C. agent had become a screaming queen.
Finally Dev-Em finished his story, and looked sideways at the boy of steel. "How about you?" he asked. "I'll bet you've had some strange adventures since the last time I saw you."
Superboy shrugged. "A few," he said. He proceeded to tell Dev-Em a few of his recent adventures.
"And how about that cute blonde friend of yours - what's his name - Pete Ross?"
"Pete's fine," Superboy said. "We've had some good times. And Lana, too. Lana Lang. She's my girl friend, you know. Lana Lang."
"Skip the Lana part," Dev-Em said. "Tell me more about Pete. You like to go -- camping -- with him, don't you?"
"Uh, it's getting late," Superboy said, trying to resist the strange attraction he was feeling. "We can talk some more later..."
"How about over dinner?" suggested the queen from Krypton.
"Great idea," Superboy replied, and then mentally kicked himself. What was he thinking?
"Super, boy!" Dev-Em said. "Let's meet about 7. I know a great place, on top of the Daily Planet sky-scraper where we can dine while the lights of Metropolis glow below us. Don't be late."
And Dev-Em went off to a room that the Legion had assigned him, while the boy of steel stood frozen, wondering what had happened.
And Element Lad sneaked away until he found Shrinking Violet and Invisible Kid discussing a recent holo-vid performance. "Guess what," he interrupted them. "Superboy and Dev-Em have a DATE!"
Chapter Two : SUPERBOY'S DATE WITH DEV-EM
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