On another world, in a galaxy far far away, in another space-time continuum, in a different reality...
Kent Clark sat at his desk finishing his latest story for his employer, the Daily Sun. Kent had a reputation as a fearless and daring reporter, almost rivaling Superguy in the strength and courage he displayed in obtaining his stories. He smiled to himself, considering the irony: no one suspected that he might actually be Superguy. All were sure that the super-hero from Xenon protected his identity under a meek and mild disguise. Most suspicion fell on Mark Trent, the maintenance man at the Daily Sun, not the least because he never seemed to be around when he was needed.
Kent's reverie was interrupted by a high shrill annoying sound, best transcribed as "twee-twee-twee" . He recognized it as the signal watch he had given to his buddy and sometimes lover Johnny Svensen. Not for the first time Kent regretted the gift; it seemed that knowing Superguy would rescue him gave Johnny more scope for hair-raising, hare-brained adventures. Some people suspected he was bucking for his own comic book.
Using his astonishing vision powers, Kent looked in the direction of the sound, and quickly located the source. Johnny, along with fellow reporter Doris Dane, was on a plateau in Africa, being menaced by a stegosaurus that hadn't got the memo about extinction. Quickly Kent sprang from his chair and hurried into the men's room for a quick change. The room was empty except for editor Barry Dwight and the newest copy boy, who were occupied in the same stall. Ignoring them, Kent whipped off his street clothes to reveal the garish purple and yellow costume of Superguy. Springing out the window, he hurled his amazing body toward darkest Africa.
Within minutes he reached the Plateau that Time Didn't Remember, and landed between the reporters and the stegosaurus, which had cornered them at the edge of a cliff. Just as the giant lizard made its final lunge, a single punch from the man of very hard material's mighty fist stunned the saurian. Then he easily picked it up and tossed it into the ravine. Then he turned to his two coworkers, who of course did not recognize Kent Clark beneath the hood of Superguy. Taking Johnny in his arms, he kissed him tenderly. "Johnny," he whispered lovingly, "you know I hate it when you take risks like this."
"Oh, Superguy," Johnny replied, "I have to prove, to myself maybe, that I' m worthy of your love."
"Oh, Superguy," Doris said in an enticing voice.
"What, Doris?" asked the superhero from Xenon in an annoyed tone, turning to face the reporter. To his surprise, she held up a glowing rock which she had taken from a shoulder bag.
"Oh, no!" Johnny cried. " It' s Lavender Xenonite!"
But his warning was too late. Caught by the power of the glowing stone, the bisexual battler felt his feelings toward the girl reporter change. He stepped toward her, took her in his arms, and smothered her with kisses. Holding her close, he whispered, "Oh, Doris, must you let Johnny lead you into these dangerous situations?" He did not see her grin at Johnny over his shoulder and stick out her tongue.
"We were flying over the Plateau that Time Didn' t Remember in the Daily Sun' s helicopter when we were attacked by a pterodactyl," Doris explained. "It should have been perfectly safe; no one could have predicted it."
"Never mind," Superguy said. "Let's get you two back to Megalopolis." He led them to the crashed helicopter, and made sure they were strapped in. Then he lifted it in his mighty arms and jumped into the air, easily carrying the huge vehicle and its precious cargo.
Inside the helicopter, Johnny expressed his feelings pungently. "Damn you, Doris. What are you doing with a piece of Lavender Xenonite?"
Doris just grinned. "You know how, when Superguy' s home planet Xenon exploded, the very rocks of the planet were changed into the different colors of Xenonite. Black Xenonite is deadly to him; Yellow Xenonite makes him cowardly; Chartreuse Xenonite makes him evil; and Lavender Xenonite makes him fall in love with the last person who displays it."
"I know that," Johnny said petulantly. "Why are you telling me this?"
"It' s not for you," Doris said gaily. "It's to bring the readers up to speed."
"Oh," Johnny said. "So you' re planning another Xenonite article."
"Right," said the beautiful blonde news writer.
In a short time the trio reached Megalopolis, and Superguy set the helicopter down on the Daily Sun's helipad. There was a sprightly brown-haired girl waiting for them. "Look," Johnny said. "It' s Dana Dangerfield, his girlfriend when he was Superkid in Smalltown. I' ll bet she' s got a chunk of Lavender Xenonite, too." His prediction was right; before the pair could emerge from the helicopter Superguy was hugging and kissing Dana.
"Darling," they heard him say to Dana, "I have to go now; there's an important meeting of the Justice Legion of the United States. But I'll be back this evening, to shower you with my love." Johnny gritted his teeth impotently, while Doris wound up to hurl her chunk of Lavender Xenonite, now growing dull as its effect was negated, at the other woman. But Superguy diverted the rock with his incredible breath power, and then flew off. Dana had an insufferable look of superiority on her face.
"Touch last," she grinned at Doris and Johnny.
But Superguy did not rush to his meeting at the JLUSA fortress; instead he made a stop at the lab of his friend and Dana' s uncle, Professor Putter.
"You' ve got to help me, Prof," he said to the old man. "I'm going crazy now that Johnny, Doris and Dana, as well as my old lover Peter Peatmoss, keep one-upping each other with Lavender Xenonite. How do they keep finding it?"
"Beats me," said the old man, who had a lucrative side-line creating Lavender Xenonite from pieces of Puce Xenonite, which had no discernible effect on the man of mighty muscles. "And I don't know if I can help you, what with all the other projects that I'm working on that bring me money."
There was a scuttle full of coal beside the professor's desk, for no apparent reason since there was no stove or fireplace. Superguy picked up a piece of coal and squeezed it until the incredible pressure of his hand turned it into a diamond. "Will this raise my priority?" he asked.
"Of course," Professor Putter said. "In fact, I might just have the answer, now that I think about it. Come with me."
He led Superguy to a corner of the lab where there was an aluminum box. It was well-known that Xenonite radiation could not penetrate aluminum.
"Here," said the professor. "Open this box, take out the piece of Lavender Xenonite that's inside, and concentrate on it with all your might."
Superguy obeyed. Focusing on the purple mineral, he felt his overpowering attraction to Dana Dangerfield waning.
"Keep that with you at all times," the Professor said. "As long as you are in contact with it, your libido should be under your control."
"Thanks, Professor," Superguy said. "I can feel it working already." Smiling broadly, he hurled himself into the air and headed back to the Daily Sun. For the first time in months his heart belonged to no one. Meanwhile Putter picked up the diamond and headed for the nearest jewelry store to turn it into cash.
With his incredo-vision, Superguy saw his three friends gathered in Doris' office. Using his amazing ability to open windows telekinetically, he flew into the office. "Hi, again," he said jovially. "Just dropped by to say 'hi' again." With that he took Dana's hand and shook it with gusto, then turned to Jimmy and Doris and repeated the process. "See ya 'round," he added, and took his leave.
"What was that about?" Johnny demanded, closing the window.
Doris looked stunned, and Dana was gnashing her teeth. "Don' t you see?" Dana said. "He' s broken the effect of my Lavender Xenonite. And that means..." A look of horror crossed Johnny' s face. "... either someone else got to him, or he' s found a way to negate the effect of Lavender Xenonite. Probably the latter, or why would he have come here to rub our noses in it?"
For a moment the three stood speechless, and then Doris took charge. "Come on, everyone," she cried. "To Professor Putter's lab!"
Meanwhile, Superguy headed for the Fortress of Justice. He was smiling; usually his friends Amazon Babe and Bat-Dude were also armed with Lavender Xenonite, and the battles between them to get to the man of high-strength molybdenum were embarrassing. This time they were in for a surprise.
But to his chagrin, neither of his erstwhile lovers were in attendance. The only heroes he saw were Yellow Raven, sitting on the lap of her Lesbian lover the Crimson Archer, and Aqua Marine, the Sea Soldier. "So," he asked casually, "where's Iona and Steve?"
"Sorry, Superguy," Yellow Raven replied. "The Jester is running amok in Gothik City, while there' s some kind of alien invasion on the Isle of Bliss. You' ll just have to beat off today."
"Curses," Superguy said. "I'm finally free of the effects of Lavender Xenonite, so for the first time in ages I'm free to pick my own sex partner. I don't suppose any of you are interested."
The two women laughed, but Aqua Marine shook his head negatively. "Sorry, Superguy, I don't swing that way."
Thinking for a moment, the man of pre-stressed concrete came up with a plan. "I'll bet I can get all three of you off simultaneously!"
His friends looked puzzled. "How will you do that?" the Crimson Archer asked. "I' m not interested in a super-speed quicky." Superguy just grinned, and held up his hands, each with one finger wiggling, while sticking out his tongue. All three heroes suddenly looked interested.
And a few hours later Superguy left the Fortress of Justice, with a big grin, sticky fingers, and a salty taste in his mouth. Behind him, three satisfied heroes readjusted their uniforms while considering the future. "This could be the start of something interesting," Aquamarine said.
Yellow Raven agreed. "You know Amazon Babe and Bat-Dude, to say nothing of Superguy's friends at the Daily Sun, will be looking for a way to cancel his sudden immunity."
And she was right. At Professor Putter's lab, the three friends were paying big bucks to the saintly professor to learn the secret of Superguy's invulnerability. Meanwhile, in another part of Megalopolis, Superguy's greatest enemies, Dex Druther and the alien genius Einsteino, were teaming up for their greatest attack against the man of really hard stuff, while in Midtown orphanage, Superguy's cousin Donna Dee, also known as his secret weapon Supergal, was experiencing her first super-period, which would result in an amazing problem for the diamond-hard dude. Don' t miss the next exciting adventure of
SUPERGUY!!!