DISCLAIMER: I don't own Jeeves & Wooster or Blackadder. If I did, I'd be rich. -- Jeanster
[This is a sequel to 'A Blackadder By Any Other Name Is Still A Blackadder'.]
SCENE: Six months afterward. The home of Daphne Farrow and her son Eddie. It is morning. She is preparing breakfast. Baldrick is setting the table.
EDDIE: Mother, I don't know if I can continue this pretense of behaving like a real Blackadder. It's affecting me emotionally. I feel almost physically ill afterward. I hate not being myself. Can't we just forget about this and go back to the way things were before? Can't I just remain a Farrow and forget about taking my father's name?
DAPHNE: Hmm. I must admit that I do prefer you when you are your usual sweet, well-mannered, easy-going, adorable self. And I can't expect you to change your personality permanently. You spent the first seventeen years of your life behaving like the perfect gentleman. I guess it is unfair of me to hold you to this change.
EDDIE: Oh, good! So I can go back to being myself?
DAPHNE: Yes, darling. We'll deal with the problem later that may arise when the other Blackadders find out you're not like them. But I still want you to take your father's name.
EDDIE: Mother! But we're right back to where we started.
Jeeves emerges from Daphne's bedroom. He is his usual impeccably well-groomed and well-dressed self.
JEEVES: Good morning, all. Did everyone sleep well?
DAPHNE (smiling): You seemed to, from what I saw. (playfully grabs Jeeves's arm)
EDDIE (a bit uncomfortable): Good morning, Jeeves. Mother is almost finished preparing breakfast. Won't you join us?
JEEVES: Yes, thank you. I wish I could spend the rest of the day with you all, but since my holiday is near its end, I must return to my employer's residence this afternoon.
EDDIE: If you don't mind my asking, Jeeves, does Mr. Wooster know about you and my mother?
JEEVES: No, Eddie. Much as I find your mother to be very charming and beautiful, I was at first most reluctant to pursue a relationship with her, as I suspected my employer to have those same feelings for her.
EDDIE: So what changed your mind? Was it when my mother gave him the brush-off?
JEEVES: That was partly the reason. Then there was the saying, "All's fair in love and war".
SCENE: Later that morning a few minutes after Jeeves has left the home of Daphne Farrow. Eddie, Daphne and Baldrick are seated around the dining table.
EDDIE: Mother, do you think it was wise of you to get involved with Jeeves? He's a very smart one, you know. What if he catches on to what we're really up to here?
DAPHNE: Eddie, you worry too much. I was very careful. Besides, I'm only human. Your dear mother has needs, you know. Please don't fault me for being momentarily weak and allowing myself to give in to my carnal desires. I do find Jeeves to be very appealing.
EDDIE (covering his ears): Please, Mother! That's MUCH more information than I need to know! You're not planning to have him over here again, are you? We can't risk him stumbling on to why we're really here.
DAPHNE: Maybe I will, and maybe I won't. I really don't know at the moment.
SCENE: One month later. The home of Daphne Farrow. Daphne, Eddie and Baldrick are seated in the living room. They are each holding up a glass of champagne.
DAPHNE: A toast to Bertram Wooster and his fortune. Well, to what USED to be his fortune. And now it's MY fortune.
EDDIE: You mean OUR fortune, don't you, Mother?
DAPHNE: Well, if you're going to split hairs about it, then yes. OUR fortune.
EDDIE: Oh, come now, Mother. You couldn't have pulled this off without the help of Baldrick and me.
DAPHNE: Yes, yes, darling. Very well. A toast to OUR fortune.
They raise their glasses and drink. Then all three of them laugh merrily.
DAPHNE: Eddie, you've managed to come through as a genuine Blackadder after all. Your father would have been proud of you.
EDDIE: Thank you, Mother. I guess I'm sort of like my Victorian ancestor Jeeves told us about. The one who used to be such a lovely, sweet, kind, generous fellow, then inexplicably changed overnight into the most horrible, rudest man in all of London.
DAPHNE: You mean Ebenezer Blackadder? Yes, sort of. But unlike you, it didn't take him over half a year to enjoy being bad. He took to it like a duck to water.
Scene fades.
SCENE: A park bench in London. Bertie sits there. He is depressed and bewildered and is softly talking to himself.
BERTIE: Gone. All gone. I can't believe it. No more money. No more comfortable flat in London. No more apartment in New York. And no more Jeeves. What will I do now? What will become of me?
After Bertie became destitute, he could no longer afford to retain the services of a valet, so Jeeves reluctantly gave notice and went back to the agency where he was soon assigned to a new employer. Marvels such as Jeeves get snatched up very quickly, after all.
SCENE: Two weeks later. Jeeves knocks on the door of a house in London. The door opens and he is greeted by a cleaning woman.
CLEANING WOMAN: Yes?
JEEVES: Good afternoon, madam. My name is Jeeves. Is Miss Daphne Farrow at home?
CLEANING WOMAN: Sorry, mister. The Farrows have packed up and left the country for good.
JEEVES (surprised): Indeed? Did they leave a forwarding address?
CLEANING WOMAN: Not to my knowledge. I'm just here to get the place ready for the real estate company. Are you interested in buying this house?
JEEVES: No, thank you. When did the Farrows leave?
CLEANING WOMAN: You just missed them. They left this morning. Hang on. Did you say your name is Jeeves?
JEEVES: Yes.
CLEANING WOMAN: Miss Farrow left this for you. Said to give it to you in case you stopped by. (hands Jeeves an envelope with his name written on it)
JEEVES: Thank you. (takes the envelope, opens it and reads the note from Daphne)
'Dear Jeeves: Sorry Eddie and I couldn't say good-bye in person, but we must rush to catch the ship. We're going on an around-the-world cruise. Came into some money unexpectedly, so we're going to enjoy it. Give our love to Bertie. Hugs and kisses, Daphne'
Jeeves frowns. He puts the note in his pocket, tips his hat to the cleaning woman and leaves.
The cleaning woman looks out the window and watches Jeeves leave. Then she removes her headscarf, grey wig, thick eyeglasses, fake teeth and realistic facemask that peels off of her real face. We see it is Daphne Farrow. She takes off the cleaning woman's uniform and the padding that made her look heavy. She is back to her lovely svelte self.
DAPHNE: You can come out now, boys. He's gone.
Eddie and Baldrick emerge from the kitchen.
EDDIE: That was a close one. How did you know he'd show up today?
DAPHNE: Just a hunch. And now that he thinks we're on a ship that is traveling around the world, we can embark toward our REAL destination.
BALDRICK: Our bags are all packed and ready. When do we leave?
DAPHNE: Tonight. They'll never find us.
EDDIE: Mother, I can't get over how you were able to fool Jeeves. I was scared he'd recognize you.
DAPHNE: Those years I spent in the theatre paid off, my darling. It was child's play for me to disguise my voice as well as my appearance.
SCENE: That same day. A restaurant in London. We see Jeeves and Bertie.
BERTIE: I say, Jeeves. It's very decent of you to buy lunch for me here. I've haven't had a bite since yesterday.
JEEVES: My pleasure, sir. How are you holding up?
BERTIE: How do you think, considering what's happened? I'm completely destitute! My accountant has embezzled all of my money and is nowhere to be found. He's no doubt fled the continent. I have no idea where to begin to track him. Jeeves, can you help me?
JEEVES: I have already put the wheels into motion toward searching for your former accountant.
BERTIE: Wonderful, Jeeves! I knew I could count on you!
JEEVES: I will keep you posted on what progress, if any, I make. (looks at his pocket watch) Sir, I regret that I must take my leave very soon. My current employer is expecting me.
SCENE: A week later. An abandoned warehouse. Jeeves is standing and looks sternly at a man tied to a chair. Bertie stands beside Jeeves.
JEEVES: It's no use screaming or yelling, Mr. Jones. No one can hear you. Tell us what you did with the money you stole from Mr. Wooster.
JONES: Honest! I don't have it! I'm so sorry, Mr. Wooster! Please don't let your man hurt me anymore! I'd give you back every last penny if I could, but I swear I can't! It's gone! All of it!
BERTIE: Gone? What do you mean? And why, Jones? Why did you embezzle from me? What did I ever do to you that would cause you to betray me like this?
JONES: I was weak, Mr. Wooster. I learned of an investment that was guaranteed to make me rich, so I stole all your money and invested it. But now it turns out it was all fraudulent! The money's gone, so you see, I can't return it to you, much as I wish I could!
BERTIE: What investment? To whom did you give the money?
JONES: What does it matter? They're gone. I went to their office where I gave them the money, only to find it completely empty! It was a busy, thriving office just the day before I last went there, and now it's just an empty office! Not a stick of furniture in it!
SCENE: A week later. Daphne, Eddie and Baldrick are in a motorcar traveling through London. Baldrick is driving and Daphne and Eddie are seated in the back.
EDDIE: Mother, I don't like this. How can you be so calm? We were safely out of the country, and now we're back in England. What's so important about visiting my cousin that we jeopardize our safety? What if we're seen by Jeeves or Bertie?
DAPHNE: Don't fret, dear. It's a family reunion. You've been accepted as a Blackadder, and we shall attend this party. Fortunately, it's being hosted by one of the Blackadders with whom we can tolerate: your cousin Ebenezer.
EDDIE: Is he the direct descendant of that Victorian age Ebenezer who changed personalities overnight?
DAPHNE: I wouldn't be surprised. He's very much like his ancestor before the personality change. Perhaps he's hoping that by hosting this family reunion, thus paying for all the food and drinks, it'll help make the other Blackadders accept him and treat him like a real family member.
They arrive at the home of Ebenezer Blackadder. Eddie rings the doorbell. The door opens.
Eddie, Daphne and Baldrick are very surprised to see that it is Jeeves who opens the door and greets them. They do their best to remain poised and calm, but inside they are shaking.
JEEVES: Do come in. Mr. Blackadder, your guests have arrived.
Ebenezer is a young man in his mid-thirties. He smiles as he greets them.
EBENEZER: Daphne! Eddie! And Baldrick! I'm so happy you could come today. I see you've met my new valet. I hired him a few weeks ago. Jeeves is an absolute marvel!
DAPHNE: So we've heard. Actually, we've met Jeeves before when he was employed by Mr. Bertram Wooster.
EBENEZER: Really? Small world, isn't it? Well, please do sit down.
EDDIE: Are we the first ones here? I don't see any other guests.
JEEVES: I'm afraid you three are the only guests who will be attending the event today.
EBENEZER: Jeeves? What do you mean? I personally wrote invitations to all my Blackadder relatives.
JEEVES: Indeed you did, sir. However, I failed to mail the invitations, except for the one you addressed to young Eddie Farrow Blackadder, his mother and servant.
EDDIE (thinking to himself): Damn! I knew I shouldn't have given cousin Ebenezer our new address! But Mother thought it would raise suspicion if we disappeared without staying in touch with at least one Blackadder.
EBENEZER: I don't understand, Jeeves. What's this all about?
JEEVES: It's about setting things right. It's about making restitution. It's about returning money that rightfully belongs to my former employer.
DAPHNE: Jeeves, what on earth do you mean? What has this to do with us?
JEEVES: Miss Farrow, please don't insult my intelligence. With the exception of your host, everyone here knows what really happened. You tricked Mr. Wooster's accountant into embezzling all his money so he could invest it in your phony diamond mines. Shortly thereafter, you closed up shop and left England.
EBENEZER: Daphne! Eddie! Baldrick! Is this true?
Daphne walks over to Jeeves until she is standing very close to him. She looks deeply into his eyes.
DAPHNE: So you are addressing me as 'Miss Farrow' now? The last time you saw me we were on much more intimate speaking terms. Remember? You couldn't stop saying my name over and over while we made love in my bed. I'll never forget that night, Jeeves.
Ebenezer stares at his valet in disbelief. Eddie covers his ears and closes his eyes. Baldrick glances around, looking very uncomfortable.
JEEVES: Why did you do it, Daphne? Mr. Wooster would have most likely proposed to you, thus you would have become wealthy by marriage. Why the elaborate scheme?
DAPHNE: I still don't know what you're talking about, Jeeves. I'm sorry if Bertie lost his money, but it has nothing to do with us. Now, if you'll excuse us, we'll be leaving. I'm not in a party mood anymore. Come along, Eddie. Baldrick.
JEEVES: I'm afraid I cannot allow you to leave just yet. The doors are locked and will remain locked until the police arrive, which should be shortly. I made the telephone call right after I saw your car pull up front.
EBENEZER (muttering to himself): My first dinner party that I've ever had, and it's a total disaster. I don't believe it.
JEEVES: It's no use, Daphne. Give it up.
DAPHNE (desperation in her voice): Jeeves, tell the police you made a mistake calling them. Send them away. Then come away with us. I could make you very happy. You know I can. There's plenty of money for ALL of us. And we could pay Ebenezer a good sum to keep quiet about this. Remember how good it felt being so close to me? (puts her arms around Jeeves and hugs him, then pulls his face down to her and kisses him)
She releases Jeeves from her embrace.
DAPHNE: Well?
JEEVES: When you put it like that, how can there be any answer other than the obvious?
DAPHNE (smiling): I knew you'd see it my way.
SCENE: A few days later. The comfortable London flat of Bertie Wooster. He is in his pajamas and is getting ready for bed.
BERTIE: Ah, home sweet home! Jeeves, it's wonderful to have everything back to normal! No more sleeping outside on a park bench! I'll never take for granted my comfortable bed and clean sheets!
JEEVES: Yes, sir. And I'm happy to be back in your service. Things are as they should be, sir.
