It’s Saturday nine thirty AM, I’ve been up now for about twenty minutes. Coffee in hand I retreat to the couch, flip on the TV to catch the news. I gaze at the screen, the news stories come and go, as this is happening I suddenly start to count how many of the news clips are about some form of bad story. Well, that’s just awful. I’ve watched approximately 15 minutes of news, and in those 15 minutes I’ve realized by count that every second story is bad news. My thoughts turn to contemplation, what a sad world we live in where the news media continually reports disaster after disaster thrown in with bits of very small good news. At first I blamed the media, but now I’m not so sure they’re completely at fault here. They are in essence just the mirrors of the various stages societies at large are going through. However, having said that, I still feel that the media contributes to the perpetuating negativity that surrounds all of us at various times. We must be very careful, especially if we are not in tune with ourselves. When we let our guard down and do not make better choices as to what we will see, hear, and absorb into our minds, there is the great possibility of having our own thoughts become tainted seeds of negativity. This germination of the negative seed if nurtured (watered) by more of the same type of negativity (thought) can lead to disastrous and deadly results, which not only can lead to hurting oneself, but just like an explosion, will spread out from the center hurting others (mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually) who are connected to it’s path, willingly or not willingly. This type of hurt can cross roads, towns, cities, countries, and nations to affect one caught in its path. Do I like writing about death, suicide, NO! I am writing about this subject, one, because I know how what and how dark it can be. Two, because it is still avoided by the public at large who just do not want to deal with this type of death (to sweep dirt under a carpet does not clean the floor, the dirt is still there and the pile will grow larger until it must be dealt with), That’s why I need to finish writing this. The pile has grown to large and must be dealt with. Back to the Saturday morning coffee. The phone rings it is my dad. His first two words to me are, “He’s gone”. Right away I think of his friend that he shares a property with in the interior of British Columbia. The friend Hans lives in his own large house, a beautiful log home on the lake. My father also named Hans lives in the guest house, another beautiful log home, just the perfect size for him, about six hundred feet away. I ask my dad what he means by “gone”, I’m thinking a heart attack, because he is older, but then again the last time I met him he seemed in really decent shape. My father is quiet, and then starts to tell me what happened. I will try to let him speak to you just as he told me of the unfolding of these Saturday’s events. “ I woke up around eight in the morning, got dressed and as per usual walked across to Han’s house. The door was unlocked and I walked in calling out his name. There was some mumbling coming from his bedroom, which is on the main floor just off the entrance of the house. I opened his bedroom door and saw that he was still in bed, I walked in and told him to get up, that I would make some coffee for us and some breakfast. He said he didn’t want to get up; he wanted to stay in bed, in fact he said he wanted to kill himself. I told him to stop such stupid and nonsense talk, to just get out of bed, to get moving around, get motivated, I would make breakfast, we would start the day, that everything would be okay. He refused. Said, NO! He is staying in bed. Fine. I’m going to make myself some coffee and you can get up later. I went to the kitchen, made some coffee, cut myself a piece of bread, saw the empty bottle of whiskey on the table, shook my head and went back to my place. It’s the damn booze! Why does he always have to drink so much? When I tell him not to drink he gets mad and drinks more. So I say nothing, I just leave him alone. When he drinks he gets really nasty, downright mean, the Dr. Jekylle and Hyde effect. It’s been about an hour now, so I decide I’ve got to do something, to get him up. I head back over to the house, walk in and call out his name. No answer. I walk to the bedroom again and open his door, he’s in bed sitting up this time, and well at least he’s trying to get up. Beside him on the night table is another bottle of booze. Jesus, he just won’t stop. Hans get up, come on, let’s go, I’m making you a cup of coffee, and you’re getting up. “NO! I am not getting up. I am going to shoot myself!” Don’t be so damn stupid and foolish. You’ve been drinking again, you’re talking nonsense. Get up, let’s go. I walk towards him and he pulls out his hand from beneath the sheets, he is holding a small twenty – two-caliber pistol. Hans give me the gun. Now! Give it to me it’s not a toy. Give it to me, let’s stop this nonsense, give me the gun and get up! “ NO! I’m going to shoot myself!” By now I am about three feet away from him. Suddenly! Without warning he puts the gun to his temple and shoots himself! He falls back, or sideways, I’m not sure. I quickly grab his wrist to see, feel if there is any pulse. I can’t feel anything. I reach for the main artery by his neck, I feel nothing. He is still gripping the gun. I stand back he is dead. I run for the phone and call 911 emergencies. I tell them what has happened. I then called a nurse, because she lives close by, I call our mutual friend across the lake, the Lodge owner and tell him what happened. I wait for everyone to show up. I close his bedroom door, I do not touch anything. I go back to my place and I cal you. He’s gone. I’m mad, I’m angry, I’m sad, I’m…I have to go the nurse and the neighbors have just come, I’ll call you back. The police came, the nurse came, the ambulance came, and the coroner came. His relatives were phoned in Switzerland and notified of his death. A life ended by his own hands, his own decision, his own choice. One death has crossed the oceans, mountains, countries, and brought sorrow, anger, sadness, to many people who knew him. He has not only hurt himself, but hurt others as well. Why? Why did he carry it out? Why was there no divine intervention for him? Why does he die and I live? Did his thoughts produce the end result, or was it predestined that these events unfold exactly the way they did? To find answers to those and many more questions, if any complete answers are possible, I’ve had to expand my knowledge. In the past week I’ve seriously studied Quantum physics while in deep meditation to better understand and learn more quickly how to explain these past events. So, please be patient with me when you check this site and nothing new is posted. It will be explained in detail very shortly, perhaps in a day or two we will all better understand the unfolding of these past events.
