"Excuse me, what?" Buffy gaped at her friend in blatant disbelief. 
Xander was sprawled comfortably on the sofa, arm draped behind Anya's 
shoulders. Both were smiling at the look of total confusion and disbelief 
on the Slayer's face. 

Xander shrugged casually. "I said, I'm gay. I figured it was about time 
to tell you all." 

Willow examined him intently, then blushed furiously. "Oh, *bad* mental 
images!" she muttered under her breath, then firmly fixed her thoughts on 
more appropriate ones of Tara. Her girlfriend just grinned indulgently, 
nodding in agreement to her unvoiced imaginings. 

Buffy paced across the room, head shaking. "This is...ridiculous. Giles, 
tell him this isn't funny!" Her Watcher just raised his hand in a 'what 
am I supposed to do?' gesture, and she rounded on Xander. "Ok, joke's 
over. Ha ha, very funny." 

Xander sighed. "It's not a joke, Buff." 

"Not a joke? I'm sorry, am I the only one who's a little confused here? 
Hello! You’re dating *Anya*. A *girl*." She waved a hand at the 
ex-demoness. 

"Oh, sure, but I'm mostly just a cover." Anya patted Xander's knee 
affectionately. "I mean, he gives me good orgasms, but it's not like we 
ever have *sex*. Although, he does let me watch him sometimes. I like 
that. It's lots of fun." 

Willow and Tara giggled, silently agreeing that it probably would be, but 
not wanting to voice their opinion. 

"W-watch? Him? While he...oh, ewww!" Buffy shuddered dramatically. 
"Way TMI." She kept up her pacing as she tried to sort this revelation 
out and fit it into her worldview. Groaning, she dropped into a chair, 
staring at the guy she thought she'd known so well. "Ok, I can handle 
this. You're...gay. So, when exactly did you decide this?" 

"Well, it's not like I actually *decided* anything. But if you want to 
know when I discovered it...” His eyes clouded briefly in remembrance. 
"Jesse and I had a thing going for a few years back when we first his 
puberty, but it wasn't what you'd call a serious relationship. 
After...you know...” He gave a sad sigh, then continued, "I played it 
pretty low for a while. Then I met Devon, and we hit it off pretty good, 
had some fun times. Oz joined in occasionally, and that was always 
great." 

A worried look crossed his face. "Um, that was before you started dating 
him, Wills," he reassured the redhead, who appeared a bit startled by this 
bit of information. "Well, that wasn't anything serious either, and died 
off fairly quickly. And there was the hyena incident. After that was 
fixed, I had a one-night stand with Kyle, who really wasn't that bad when 
you could get him to shut up. He was much easier to be around when he was 
naked and begging." He blushed slightly at that admission. 

"Then Larry came out, and came onto me. Who was I to tell the guy 'no'? 
Of course, after the whole graduation thing...well, it pretty much ended 
that." His brow wrinkled in thought. "Um, on my road trip, met up with 
some guys then. The most memorable I would have to say was when I was 
working at that nightclub. There was this lawyer guy from L.A. who came 
in on Saturdays, and we ended up having a semi-exclusive thing going on 
for a month or so." He smiled fondly in remembrance. "I still kinda miss 
Linds, you know?" 

He shook himself, then went on, by now totally caught up in the tale of 
his sordid past. "Made it back here, and you had started the college 
scene. Met this guy, he was pretty intense. You remember Forrest? That 
was basically just a quick one-off, though, because I met a dorm-mate of 
his. Now Graham, *there* was a stud! That boy could go all night! Riley 
would watch sometimes, jerking off, sometimes making requests for 
positions." 

Buffy let out a strangled exclamation at that, and Xander's head swiveled 
in her direction. 

"Oh, no worries, Buffster. This was *way* before you hooked up with him. 
Swear. And he *never* joined in on anything." Anya leaned over and 
whispered something in his ear. Xander frowned and shook his head. "I 
dunno. I don't think Jonathan really counts. I mean, that was in the 
other reality thingie and all." He fell silent for a moment, as if 
debating. Then, with a resigned look, he stared at Buffy. "Um, gotta 
confess. I, um, did...kinda...sleep with Angel that once." 

Buffy's jaw dropped in shock, hurt and betrayal flashing across her face. 
"You...you...how could you?" 

"Well, you know, he'd come to Sunnydale that time when I got the syphilis, 
and he was so bummed about not getting to talk to you, and I kind of met 
up with him after that *wonderful* dinner you made, and it 
just...happened. And hey, no loss of soul thing to worry about, since 
it's not like he was in *love* with me or anything. Of course, he still 
got all broody and angsty about it afterwards." He rolled his eyes. 

Willow decided to speak up, even though her mind was boggling at each new 
admission. "Um, so was that why you went to L.A. that time?" 

Buffy's voice grew cold. "What time?" she hissed, eyes narrowed. 

"Oh, hey, no, don't get mad. I just wanted to apologize to him for what 
happened, he was obviously *really* upset about it." 

"And I suppose you ended up in bed with him. Again," she gritted out. 

"No way. *Absolutely* no way. Although...” He expression grew sheepish. 
"I, um, did kind of end up getting drunk with Wesley and Gunn, and we all 
sort of..." his voice trailed off. 

Buffy stood, flinging her arms up in the air. "Jesus, Xander, you're such 
a slut! Is there *any* guy in this entire state you *haven't* fucked?" 
Her eyes lit on Giles with something akin to relief. "Giles, can you 
believe this? You're probably the only male I know that Xander hasn't 
slept with." She cringed when a guilty look flitted across the Watcher's 
face. "Giles?" she asked in a tiny, pleading voice. 

"Er, um...well, you see Buffy...it was really... That is to say...ah...” 
He tugged at his collar, flushed with embarrassment. 

Xander spoke again, rescuing the older man. "It wasn't his fault, Buffy. 
You gotta remember, that chocolate was making people do a lot of weird 
things. He would have *never* dragged me off like that if he'd been in 
his right mind. And time with Ethan really shouldn't count, because they 
were both pretty drunk when they picked me up." 

Hand over her mouth, Buffy backed away from Giles in denial, sinking down 
when the backs of her knees hit a chair. She was pale from the repeated 
shocks, and she turned her head to stare glassily at Xander. "Is that it? 
Your whole confession? 'Cause I gotta say, it is going to take me a 
*long* time to process this." She peeked back over at her Watcher and 
shuddered. 

"Weeeell, not...exactly." Xander shifted uncomfortably, eyes darting 
around the room. 

Buffy groaned, letting her head drop into her hands. "Oh god, *what*?" 
Although her voice was muffled, it easily projected her dismay over what 
was coming. 

Anya piped up, beaming happily. "Xander got a boyfriend, so he wanted 
everyone to know why he wasn't going to pretend to be dating me anymore." 
Her eyes misted dreamily. "They're *so* yummy together. You wouldn't 
*believe* some of the videos I've got back at Xander's apartment." 

The witches exchanged a glance, mentally agreeing that they would have to 
get ahold of those tapes sometime. 

Buffy whimpered. "Oh god. Just, spit it out already, Xander!" 

Xander blushed. "Well, we've known each other for a while, and a couple 
months ago, some...things...happened, and we ended up getting together. 
And we're really happy, and want to see if we can make it work on a 
permanent basis, and I'd really, *really* appreciate it if you didn't try 
to kill him, Buffy." His eyes widened, pleading with her earnestly. 

Buffy groaned. "I'm not gonna like this, am I?" 

"Um...probably not." Xander grinned ruefully. "Sorry." 

Steeling herself, the Slayer sat up straight. "Ok, I'm ready. Lay it on 
me." 

"Oooh, you askin', luv?" 

Buffy's lip curled, and she turned to glare at the blonde vampire. 
"Spike. What are *you* doing here? Get crowded under that rock you 
crawled out from?" 

Spike snorted, closing the door behind him. "Hardly, pet. Just didn't 
wanna miss the fun." He grinned cockily, then looked over at the couch. 
His posture changed dramatically, the belligerent stance becoming more 
provocative, inviting. 

Buffy frowned, following his gaze. She gasped when she saw that Xander 
had risen, staring at the vampire with a hungry look on his face. She 
whipped her head around to look at Spike, then back to Xander again. "Oh 
no. On, no no no no no. Do *not* even tell me what I think you're going 
to tell me. Please. I'll pay you." 

Spike and Xander ignored her, too engrossed in undressing each other with 
their eyes. 

Anya clapped her hands softly. "See? I told you they looked yummy 
together. Maybe they'll have sex now and we can all watch. Won't that be 
nice?" 

"No! That would be bad! Very, very bad!" Buffy watched in horror as 
they moved slowly toward each other, and Spike wrapped his arms around 
Xander. "No. Don't. Oh, please don't. Someone tell me they're not 
going to...” Her eyes were huge as she saw their lips drawing ever closer 
together. 

Part Two  

"Excuse me, what?" Ares stared at the slim man in complete shock, not 
believing what he'd just heard. 

Joxer blushed, glancing away briefly. Mustering up his courage, he 
repeated himself. "I said, I l-l-love you," came the hesitant whisper. 

Ares rolled out of the bed, standing abruptly and running a hand through 
his hair. He heaved a sigh, then rolled his eyes. "You don't love me, 
Joxer." 

Frowning, the mortal sat up. "Huh? What...what do you mean? Of course I 
love you!" He gestured at the rumpled bed he was seated on. "Why else 
would I...would we..." His voice trailed off as confusion overtook him. 

Ares steeled himself, letting his features fall into a cold mask. "I 
think you're mistaken about something here, Joxer. You're a good fuck; I 
like bedding you. But I'm not about to drop to my knees and propose 
marriage to you here." He smirked coldly. "It was fun while it lasted, 
mortal, but you've gotten a bit clingy for my tastes." He waved his hand, 
and Joxer disappeared with a bright flash. 

Once the mortal was gone, Ares staggered back to the bed, slumping down 
and staring blankly at the wall, a single tear making it's way down his 
face. It would take a long time for him to forget the look of absolute 
pain and betrayal on Joxer's face before he'd vanished. 

Ares forcibly held himself back from checking on the mortal, knowing even 
a glimpse of him at this point might prove too much for him to handle. He 
had no idea how much time had passed while he struggled to control his 
emotions, when a bright flash directly in front of him grabbed his 
attention. 

Aphrodite burst in, already wound up and going strong. "Oooh, Arry! How 
could you! I just saw Joxie when I was on a gig over by Olynthus, and he 
was all sad and crying and hurt, and I could *feel* his heart breaking, 
and I *know* you had something to do with it, don't even try to tell me 
you didn't." She took a deep breath. "I just knew something like this 
would happen. I tried to tell him, I said 'Jox, sweetie, I know he's a 
total studmuffin in bed, but you are *so* gonna get hurt!', but did he 
listen? Nooo! And now he's sending out these awful vibes, and it's 
totally bumming me out!" 

She was completely prepared to continue on in this vein for some length, 
when she finally took a good look at Ares. She peered closer, and could 
practically feel the pain pulsing off the other god. "Um, Arry? You ok?" 
She bit her lip, then tiptoed closer. "Hey, what happened?" 

Ares shrugged listlessly. "He told me he loved me," he responded in a 
flat tone. 

Aphrodite beamed. "Well that's wonderful! Isn't it?" Her face fell when 
Ares shook his head. "Why not?" She sat next to him, patting his knee 
consolingly. 

Ares snorted. "Dite, he's...Joxer. He's gentle, and good, and innocent, 
and if he sticks with me, I'll end up ruining his life! I'm War! What I 
am will begin corrupting everything that makes him the man I l--" He 
broke off, flopping back on the bed to gaze dejectedly up at the ceiling. 

His sister smiled somewhat sadly. "The man you love, right?" She heaved 
a sigh. "So, you pushed him away to save him, huh?" 

Ares nodded, closing his eyes in remembrance. 

"Well that's just crap!" 

Eyes popping back open, Ares gaped in disbelief at Aphrodite, who had 
crossed her arms and was glaring at him. "Excuse me?" 

"Oh, you heard me, buddy." She poked a finger into his chest. "Love 
doesn't make people weak, it gives them a strength like you wouldn't 
believe. And you're just afraid of your own emotions, so when things got 
too strong, you ran. Well, this Love Goddess ain't gonna stand for it!" 
She jumped to her feet. "I am *so* gonna get you two back together, 
whether you like it of not!" With that, she sparkled out, leaving behind 
a dumbfounded God of War. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Aphrodite searched furiously through her workshop, muttering softly as she 
pulled out assorted bottles and pouches. Stumped, she frowned, hands on 
hips, and called out, "Cupid!" She tapped a foot impatiently, waiting for 
her son to answer. Minutes ticked by, and she was about to go off in 
search of him when he appeared in the doorway, breathless and disheveled. 

Cupid ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, Mom?" 

Aphrodite pouted. "What took you so long? It's rude to ignore your 
mother, you know." 

An equally disheveled Strife peeked out from behind the winged god, 
waggling his fingers in greeting. "Yo, Aphro. What's shakin'?" 

The goddess rolled her eyes. "Why do I even bother asking. Look, could 
you boys quit boffing long enough to help me out here?" 

The two gods sighed unhappily, but Cupid nodded anyway. "Sure. Whatcha 
need?" 

"My powdered unicorn horn. Did you use it for something?" She turned 
back to her shelves, picking through their contents. 

"Wait, lemme think." After a moment, his face lit up and he held out his 
hand. A small vial filled with a shimmering white substance appeared. 
"Here go." 

Aphrodite turned and snatched it, grinning triumphantly. "Yes! Perfect!" 
Apparently forgetting that her son and nephew were still there, she began 
mixing together a bunch of bright, highly fragrant liquids, adding a 
sprinkle of the powdered unicorn horn. 

Strife watched for a second, then nudged Cupid. "What's she doin', Cupe?" 

Cupid shrugged. "Beats me." He raised his voice. "Mom, what're you 
doing?" 

"Hmm?" A few more ingredients were added, then she looked up. "Oh, I'm 
making up a little something that will make sure your dad and Joxie get 
back together and *stay* together." 

"Woah. *Back* together? What happened?" 

Aphrodite shook her head, still amazed at her brother's rampant stupidity 
when dealing with such a simple thing as love. "Well, he's in love with 
Joxie, and Joxie loves him back, but when he *told* Ares that he loved 
him, Ares freaked and did something really mean, and sent him away. Now 
they're both miserable, and I'm going to fix it." 

"Oh." Cupid snorted. "Need help?" 

Waving a hand in dismissal, Aphrodite went back to her table. "Nah, I got 
it. You could try to make sure Joxie stays in one piece in the meantime, 
and Arry doesn't go too berserk." 

"Can do." Cupid grabbed Strife's arm, hauling him away from where he was 
looking a bit too interestedly at a glass bottle filled with swirling 
black vapor. Distracting him with a kiss, he quickly pulled him out of 
the room, and they vanished. 

Aphrodite pondered the bowl, then carefully opened a small flask. Tilting 
it cautiously, she watched as a single drop gathered at the edge. "Not 
too much, now," she whispered, watching the amber fluid fall into the 
bowl. 

"Hey cutie, whatcha doin'?" Eris slid an arm around Aphrodite's waist, 
nibbling gently at a bared shoulder. 

Aphrodite squeaked in alarm, then watched in horror as the flask slipped 
out of her grasp and tumbled into the carefully prepared potion. "Oh, 
no!" 

Eris winced at the puff of smoke that resulted, then bit her lip. "Oops?" 

Swallowing hard, Aphrodite backed away from the now-glowing mixture. 
"Eris...move it!" She dragged the other goddess out of the room, slamming 
the door shut behind her. Then she rounded on her. "You *know* not to 
interrupt me when I'm mixing!" 

Eris shrugged, then reached out to trail a finger suggestively over 
Aphrodite's bottom lip. "Mmm, lemme make it up to you," she encouraged in 
a husky voice. 

Licking the finger briefly before pulling away, Aphrodite glared at her 
sometime lover. "Not now! You know Hephy gets upset if we start fooling 
around when he's not here to watch...or join in. Besides, I'm gonna have 
to take care of that." She nodded toward her sealed-off workroom. 

"Oh, how bad can it be? It just went a little poof." She was about to 
say more when a low howling sounded, slowly building in volume. 

Both goddesses watched the door in trepidation, shrieking and ducking 
hastily when the door exploded outwards. They watched as a glowing ball 
of...stuff...shot out of the room, hovering near them. "Do something!" 
Eris hissed. 

Aphrodite glared at her. "This is *your* fault, you know." Then she 
looked back at the twirling ball and, closing her eyes, pointed. A line 
of sparkles arched out from her finger, striking the ball. 

The ball puled with light, then trembled. It shook violently, then broke 
into two pieces. The twin balls hovered another moment, dancing around 
each other. Then, they disappeared. 

Eris blinked, then grinned. "Hey, you did it. Go girl!" 

Aphrodite just shook her head slowly. "No, it's not gone. Neither of 
them. I can still feel them...like they're tied to me or something." 

"Oh. Well, no point in worrying about it now," Eris stated 
philosophically. "C'mon, let's go find Heph and have some fun." 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

"Ack! Make 'em stop! Oh please, someone make 'em stop!" Buffy covered 
her eyes as Spike's lips met with Xander's. "Giles! Do something!" 

"Oh, give it a rest, Slayer. Not like we're gonna give you blokes a free 
show." 

Hearing Spike's voice, Buffy gathered that his lips were no longer 
otherwise engaged, //Aahh! Don't think about Spike's lips!//, and she 
uncovered her eyes. "Good. No free shows. Definitely of the good." She 
ignored Willow and Tar's soft objections. Taking a deep breath, she 
seated herself calmly. "So, Xander. You're doing the nasty with the evil 
undead now, huh?" 

Xander kept hold of Spike's hand, nodding. "Guess so, Buff. Are you too 
upset?" 

The Slayer smiled weakly. "Upset? No, not a bit. Just...can you not do 
that around me? At least not until I get used to it?" She pointed at 
where Spike's free hand was wandering with impunity over Xander's chest. 
She waited for the two to seat themselves, hands kept mostly in their own 
laps. 

As Willow began to chat excitedly with Xander, doing her best to dig up 
all the details, Buffy just sat thoughtfully. It was still hard to 
believe...who would have thought that so many people wanted to sleep with 
Xander? Her brain began to work overtime, and during a lull in the 
conversation, she blurted out, "Parker?" 

Mouths clicked shut, and all eyes turned to her. Xander frowned, cocking 
his head. "Was that just a random brain blurb, or are you going to 
explain?" 

Buffy flushed. "Well, I was just thinking. I mean, you tell us you're 
gay, then practically recite an alphabetized list of your...conquests. 
And I started kinda wondering who else might have made the list." Her 
face turned even redder. "And, you know, I just sort of thought 
of...Parker." 

Xander smiled gently. "Buffy, think about it. Parker is...easy. Hate to 
put it so bluntly, but he'll screw anything that moves. Do I have to 
spell it out for you?" 

"Oh." Buffy looked away, then back. "So...you did?" she asked softly. 

"Well...yeah. I mean, he *is* kinda cute, and it's not like it was 
difficult. Although, I gotta say, he isn't as good at the being fucked 
and left as he is at *doing* the fucking and leaving." 

Buffy chuckled weakly. "Sort of payback, huh?" 

"Sure. Why not." 

"And, um, S-Spike doesn't mind? About your...past?" 

Spike let out a bark of laughter. "Hell, Slayer, the whelp's got nothing 
on me!" 

Xander punched him lightly in the shoulder, then kissed him in apology. 
Turning back to the trio of girls across from him, he grinned 
lasciviously. "So, wanna know any more details of my fascinating love 
life?" 

Willow and Tara nodded, giggling. After a brief hesitation, Buffy nodded 
as well. "I'm game, I suppose." 

Anya stood abruptly. "Well, I've already heard it, and I have a date in 
an hour. So I'm going to leave now." She bent and pecked Xander's cheek. 
"If you have sex with Spike, make sure to tape it for me." With that, 
she left. 

Giles watched her go, shuffling his feet. "Well, as fascinating as I'm 
sure this tale would be, I'm going to, uh, to..." he waved a hand in some 
sort of obscure gesture that no one present understood, then left the 
room, picking up a bottle of Scotch on the way. 

Xander shrugged, then settled against Spike. "So, how you wanna do this? 
Me talk, you listen, or you ask questions?" 

Tara piped up, "How about we toss out a name, and you tell us if 
you've...you know..." 

"Oooh, think I'll like this game. Dirty Xander sex secrets." Spike 
pulled Xander close, and they awaited the first guess. 

There was silence, then Buffy snickered. "Of course, thinking of a guy 
you haven't already named, there's the trick." 

"Ooh, ooh, how about Doyle!" Willow turned to Tara in explanation. 
"Doyle worked with Angel in L.A. before he...died." 

Everyone looked at Xander expectantly. He smiled. "Well, we didn't have 
*sex*, as such. I mean, I never even actually met him." 

"Oh lord, someone who escaped. How shall you live it down?" 

Willow frowned. "What do you mean, 'as such'?" 

"Um, see, I kind of called to L.A. once, to talk to Cordy, you know? 
Well, she was out, and Doyle answered the phone. He was the only one 
there at the time, Angel was out on a case, and he had the most 
*delicious* accent, and we...ended up having phone sex." 

Buffy's jaw dropped. "You...had phone sex? With *Doyle*? While he was 
at work? At *Angel's*!?" 

"Only the once. He was at home the other times, so we were a bit 
more...uninhibited." 

Everyone fell silent one again, and Spike took advantage of this by 
snaking an arm behind Xander, letting his fingers sneak under the 
waistband of his pants. 

Xander squirmed as the fingers brushed along the crease of his ass, 
steadily working their way further inside. He snapped back to attention 
when Buffy snickered. 

"Oh, I got one! How about Principle Snyder!" She grimaced as she said 
it, and Willow mimed her equal disgust by sticking out her tongue 
distastefully. 

Sober look on his face, Xander responded, "I can honestly say that I 
*never* once had sex with Snyder in any way, shape or form." The girls' 
relief was cut short when he continued, "Although, I can't say for certain 
what he did with those naked pictures of me that he demanded as the price 
for not having me expelled. But me personally? No way." 

Buffy and Willow gaped. "Ewwww!" they exclaimed simultaneously, 
shuddering. "What a sicko!" Willow added. 

They took a moment to get past that image, then Willow asked, "Who else? 
Come on, give!" 

Xander smirked. "Well, you remember when I was on the swim team?" 

Part Three  

Xander and Spike finally managed to escape the clutches of the three girls 
who seemed determine to dig out every tiny story of his sex life. Not 
that he minded, really, but... 

Spike yanked Xander into a darkened alley, shoving him against the wall 
and plastering their lips together in a forceful kiss. "God Xan, that 
made me horny as hell!" the vampire hissed. "Listenin' to those stories 
when all I wanted t'do was shove you down on the floor and shag you 
blind." He frantically tugged at Xander's shirt, pulling it off over his 
head and dropping it to the ground. 

Xander's hands went directly for Spike's pants, quickly undoing the button 
and unzipping them. He reached inside, running fingers along smooth cool 
skin until he came into contact with the column of hard flesh lodged 
inside. Grinning triumphantly, he freed Spike's cock, taking advantage on 
his hand's position to squeeze and fondle it. 

Spike growled as his lover's warmth toyed with his throbbing erection. He 
made short work of Xander's pants, shoving them down around his knees. 
Spinning the human around, he pressed him up against the wall, parting 
firm buttock with one hand while slipping a couple fingers of the other 
into the grasping channel still slick from their earlier...exertions. 

Xander moaned as his opening was breached, and he curved his back, 
thrusting his hips towards the vampire. He let out a soft cry as slim 
fingers flicked against his prostate, torturing him. Then the fingers 
left, and something quite a bit larger nudged against him, pushing 
steadily inside. 

Both men sighed when Spike finally had his cock fully lodged inside 
Xander's scorching body. They remained still for endless moments, until 
Xander whimpered and clenched his muscles tight. Spike took the cue, and 
began pumping furiously in and out, slamming into the willing human. 

Xander writhed on the cock that impaled him, shivering as the cool leather 
of Spike's duster brushed across his thighs. He whimpered when a mouth 
fastened on the back of his neck, suckling intently. "Yes!" he gasped, 
tilting his head to the side. "Do it, Spike. Bite me!" 

Spike closed his eyes briefly, then carefully let his fangs drop, slicing 
neatly into skin already bruised from his attentions. As he swallowed 
down a mouthful of rich blood threaded through with intense arousal, he 
moved even faster and harder. 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Xander knew he was going to end up with 
a lot of interesting bruises from this, but couldn't bring himself to 
care. He loved it when Spike marked him, loved every bite-mark, every 
hickey, every bruise left from fingers clenching too hard. He *could* do 
without the cold, faintly slimy wall he was currently being fucked into, 
but with Spike's cock up his ass, he didn't feel there was much to 
complain about. 

Spike dragged his mouth away, reaching around Xander to capture his hot 
erection, stroking it quickly. "Distracted, luv?" he whispered into an 
ear before tormenting it with his tongue. He pulled out, changing his 
angle, then thrust forward again, directly hitting Xander's prostate and 
drawing forth a strangled shout. "Got your attention, do I?" At the 
whimper he received in response, he dragged his thumbnail over the head of 
Xander's cock. 

Xander's entire body stiffened, then convulsed. Cum spurted out to mix 
with whatever else had already anointed the wall, and he slumped, held up 
only by the strength of the vampire behind him. 

His cock milked by his lover's delicious heat, Spike bit down once more, 
latching on with blunt teeth as he came, emptying inside the human's body. 
Stilling, he held Xander back against him, kissing the livid mark on his 
shoulder. When he felt Xander push back, he let go reluctantly, pulling 
himself out and away. 

Still panting, Xander turned and stared at Spike with a wicked smile. 
Without looking down, he brushed a finger over the seeping wound on his 
neck, bringing the bloody digit to Spike's lips. Watching as the vampire 
delicately licked his finger clean, Xander snorted wryly. "So, think my 
shirt is salvageable?" 

Spike grinned. "Well mate, no big loss if it's not." He zipped himself 
back up, then bent to retrieve Xander's shirt. 

Xander snorted, pulling his own pants up and refastening them before 
taking the shirt and shaking it out. With a sigh at the new stain on the 
hem, he pulled it over his head. "You're buying me a new one, you know." 

Spike pulled him in for a kiss, then said, "Worth it. Get a shag, *and* 
get to see you in decent clothes. Best of both worlds, pet." 

A bright flash caught their attention, and they turned toward the back of 
the alley. 

"Oh, wow," Xander breathed as they gaped at the two shimmering balls of 
multi-colored light. Each about the size of a bowling ball, they simply 
hovered, as if watching them. Xander took a step forward, halted by the 
arm Spike flung out to block his progress. 

"Don't think that's a good idea." Spike glowered at the glowing balls. 

"Oh, come one. What harm could they do?" Xander moved a bit closer, 
watching in fascination as one of the balls seemed to...unfold. Layer 
after layer was revealed, each one sparkling brightly, almost beckoning to 
him. "Cool..." 

Spike felt...itchy. He had a bad feeling about this, and reached out to 
yank Xander back. Before he could touch him, though, the expanded ball 
darted forward and engulfed the human, folding back in on itself around 
Xander. With a howl, Spike flung himself at the thing, only to have it 
disappear. He scanned the alley frantically, seeing nothing but the other 
ball of light, still hovering placidly. 

Growling, Spike stalked toward it. "Listen you...glowy thing. Your 
little friend just stole my Xanpet, and I want him back! You understand?" 
His eyes flashed yellow as he spat the demand out. 

The light shivered minutely, and if Spike didn't know better, he would say 
that the thing cocked its head at him as if sizing him up. Not that it 
actually had a head, but... 

Spike jumped back as the light expanded, much faster than the other had, 
then raced forward to wrap around him. He squeezed his eyes shut as the 
glow became even brighter. Then there was darkness, and he thumped to the 
ground. 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Xander sat up, rubbing his eyes in an attempt to dispel the red spots 
dancing before them. He looked at his surroundings, taking note of the 
moonlit glade that appeared to be in the middle of a forest. Shivering, 
he sat up. "Hello?" 

He heard nothing but the faint echoes of his own voice. 

Clearing his throat, he tried again, this time louder. "Um, hello? 
Spike?" 

Still nothing. 

"Buffy? Wills?" 

Not a sound. 

"Anyone?" //Ok, Xander, just stay calm. Don't panic.// He took a deep 
breath. "Um...glowing light thingy?" 

A flicker off to the side attracted his attention, and he crawled toward 
it. He bit his lip as he saw the faintly glimmering light, now only about 
the size of a tennis ball, lying there fluttering weakly. "Aw, man. Hey, 
what happened to you?" He winced, almost slapping himself on the 
forehead. "Stupid, it can't talk. At least, I don't think so," he 
muttered. 

Feeling like a complete idiot //Yeah, like that's a new thing!//, Xander 
gingerly scooped up the ball. "Ok, at least no one is here to witness me 
talking to a ball of light, but...can you understand me?" 

The light shone brighter for a second before fading again. 

"Right. That would be a 'yes' I assume? Ok then. What...what's wrong 
with you? Are you sick of something? Or just tired after...whatever you 
just did with me?" 

Another pulse of light after the last question, and Xander sighed. 
"Great. Spike is *so* gonna kill something if he can't find me. You know 
that, right?" This got him a rather apologetic wobble. 

He sighed again. "Well, looks like we're in this together until you can 
take me back. So...you have a name? I can't keep calling you 'glowing 
light thingy'." 

A glimmer that was part confusion, part questioning. 

"No name, huh? Well, let's see. Are you a boy light, or a girl light?" 
There was a pulse that he could swear was a shrug. "You don't know? 
Geez, and I though *I* was confused about things! Ok, I can do this. 
Something neutral. Um, how about...Glimmer?" 

The light darkened considerably. //Shit, is this thing *glaring* at me?// 
"No, huh?" He thought some more. "Hmm. Firefly? Glowball? Moonbeam?" 
By this time, Xander figured that if looks could kill, and the ball had 
eyes of course, he'd pretty much be six feet under. "Uh, uh, what 
about...um...Sundrop?" 

There was a flicker of interest, and a returned glow. Xander smiled. 
"You like that? Sundrop?" He waited as the ball thought it over, then 
began glowing brightly again. "Ok then, Sundrop it is." 

Xander stood, the newly-christened Sundrop in hand. "So, Sundrop. Where 
the hell are we, and how do I get home?" 

~~~~~~~~~~ 

Spike groaned as he peeled his eyes open. He glared at what appeared to 
be another dark alley, only even worse smelling than the one he'd just 
left. And...no Xander in sight. 

Narrowing his eyes, he picked himself up, taking a better look around. 
Nope, still no Xander. Although there was... 

Snarling, Spike bent and snatched up the faded, tattered-looking ball of 
light. He glared at it, shaking slightly. "Hey! Sparky! He's not here! 
Where th' bloody hell am I, and why isn't my Xanpet here?" 

The light flushed pink, shivering a little. Rolling his eyes, Spike 
sighed. "Right. I get the ball with *no* sense of direction. Great." 
He brought the cringing light close to his face. "Well, *you* are gonna 
get me to him, got it? Because you are *not* human, and I *will* find a 
way to make you hurt." 

The light quivered, and Spike frowned. "Oh, you're not cryin', are you? 
Hey, stop it. Look, don't gimme that, ok? You're pouting, aren't you? 
Making great, puppy-dog eyes at me, lip sticking out all beggin' t'be 
sucked on..." His eyes glazed as he pictured how Xander had done just 
that the night before when he'd wanted to watch something different on the 
telly. 

He shook himself, glaring half-heartedly at wretched looking light in his 
hand. "Oh, fine," he muttered. "Be that way, Sparky. But you *are* 
gonna help me find him! Now, go on. Do your bit again, and take me to 
him this time!" He tapped a foot impatiently. 

Sparky heaved itself into the air, wobbling there unsteadily. It unfolded 
once, twice, then shuddered and collapsed into itself, dropping back into 
Spike's palm. 

//Sod it all, I am *not* feelin' sorry for this thing! I'm not!// He 
prodded Sparky carefully. "Hey, you alright, mate?" 

There was a sad little pulse of light, and Spike heaved a sigh. "Fine. 
Guess we do this the hard way." With that, he tucked Sparky into a pocket 
of his duster, then strode out of the alley. 

Part Four

Xander felt rather foolish following after Sundrop. Really, how many people
trust a ball of light for directions? //Ok, well, probably more than I'd like
to think about, so I'm just going to shut my brain up now.// He cleared his
throat. "So, where are we going?"

Sundrop paused, wavering slightly. It spun around in dizzying little circles,
then bobbed gently toward the right.

Shrugging, Xander followed after it. //Besides, at least I'll have some light
this way. These woods are pretty dark. Kinda spooky too. And...*shit*! What
was that!// He jumped at the loud rustling behind him. "Sundrop? Hey buddy,
wait up!" He quickly scurried after the twinkling light.



"I'm getting a little tired here, buddy. Think we can stop for a bit?" Xander
yawned loudly.

Sundrop whisked behind him, nudging his back.

"Geez, pushy little bugger, aren't you? Fine, fine, but we better find a place
to rest soon. I'm about ready to drop." Stumbling a bit as he was prodded
through some light underbrush, Xander halted, gaping at the large building. 
//Wow. Looks like one of those medieval castle thingies. With the walls and
moat and stuff. Well, except no moat.//

He frowned as he noticed a dark blob slowly sliding down the outside of the
large wall. It reached the ground, detached itself, and with a quick movement,
removed what was obviously a rope of some sort and wrapped it up neatly. Xander
crept closer. He didn't realize he'd gotten quite so close until the figure
spun around to sprint away and instead ran into him, sending them both crashing
to the ground.

Reflexively, Xander struggled, managing to knock his elbow into the other
person's ribs, which resulted in a very manly exclamation of pain as his
attacker rolled away.

"Hey, what did you do that for?" The man stood, slightly bent over and
clutching his chest.

Xander got up nervously, brushing himself off. "Sorry man, you kind of startled
me there."

That got him a haughty sniff. "Well, you shouldn't be sneaking up on people in
the dark. It could get you into a lot of trouble."

Snorting in amusement, Xander crossed his arms. "Yeah? Well, looked to me like
you were doing a little sneaking yourself." He nodded toward the rope that now
lay coiled on the ground.

"Erm. Yes. See, I was just...um, testing the place for vulnerabilities, making
note of any areas that need improvement." The man bent and retrieved his rope,
affixing it somewhere on his person.

"Uh-huh. So...you were casing the joint? You some kind of thief or something?"

The man straightened, insulted. "Some kind of--? I'll have you know, I am the
*king* of thieves." He made a flourished, well-practiced bow. "Autolycus, at
your service."

"King, huh? So what'd you steal?"

"I didn't steal anything. As I said, I was merely...how did you put it? Casing
the joint?"

Xander nodded. "Cool." They stared at each other in silence.

Autolycus pointed over his shoulder. "Well, I'm just going to...head on off
now."

"Oh. Right." Xander watched as he turned away. A sharp prick on his arm
caused him to look down, where he saw Sundrop sparking in warning. "What?!" he
hissed softly.

Sundrop made an abortive move after Autolycus, then raced back to send another
spark into Xander's arm.
"You want me to go after him?"

Sundrop flared brightly for a second, giving Xander the impression that he was
being treated to a 'duh' look.

"Sheesh, ok, ok." He trotted to catch up with the man, muttering under his
breathy about pushy, know-it-all glowballs. "Hey, Auto, hold up," he panted,
finally catching up to him.

The man turned back. "Yes?"

"Well, you know, I was just wondering if I could, sorta, hang with you for a
while. It's, uh, kinda dark and creepy out here, you know?"

"Oh." Autolycus shrugged. "Suit yourself, kid." He turned and began walking
again.

'I'm *not* a kid!" Xander muttered, but followed anyway. It wasn't exactly the
easiest thing keeping up with the swift-moving man, and Xander was soon panting. 
"Hey, A-Auto?" He halted, bending over and gasping for air.

"What's up?" Autolycus frowned, turning back to help Xander stand upright. 
"You ok?"

"Kind...tired here. Plan on stopping anytime soon?"

"Oh. Sure." He looked around the dim forest. "Come on, looks like there's a
clearing over there." He led Xander to the indicated spot, and watched as he
dropped down gratefully.

Moaning, Xander sprawled back on the soft grass. He lay motionless as he
watched Autolycus clear a spot for his bed.

The thief examined his temporary travelling companion. The young man's long,
muscular limbs spread out in the moonlight, his bronze skin glowing softly. 
Autolycus stifled a groan, shifting uncomfortably.

Xander watched him squirm, smiling knowingly. He sat up. "I'm Xander," he
introduced himself. "Where am I?"

Autolycus blinked. "Well, you're in a clearing. In the woods."

"Yeah, figured that out, thanks. I men, *where*? Like, what state?"

"State?" He frowned. "Well, you're in Greece, if that helps."

"Greece? Like, on the other side of the ocean, that Greece?"

"Um..."

"Woah. No way. This is totally not cool." He cursed quietly, glaring at the
tiny flicker of light that was bobbing nearby. "Look, can you tell me where the
nearest airport is?"

"Air-port?"

"Yeah, you know, so I can catch a flight home."

"Flight?" Autolycus thought for a moment. "Well, I know some of the gods can
fly. If you feel like asking them."

"Gods?" Xander blanched. "Oh, that really doesn't sound good. Toto, I don't
think we're in Kansas anymore."

"Um, who's Toto?"

Xander groaned. "Never mind," he said with a sigh. "I am not gonna think about
this now. I'm gonna sleep." He glanced consideringly at Autolycus. "Maybe get
laid." With a grin, he crawled over next to the other man. "So," he said
huskily, "here we are, in the dark, all alone. What do you think we should do?"

Autolycus froze at the blatant come-on, then relaxed. "Oh, I'm sure I can come
up with something," he purred, reaching out to stroke his hand down Xander's
arm.

TBC