TOW THEY GO TO CANADA


Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four Part Five Epilogue: The After Math



ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THAT ROSS AND RACHEL ARE TOGETHER AND EVERYONE ELSE IS SINGLE.

Part One

[Scene: Monica and Rachel’s. It is about 7:00 a.m., and neither girl is awake.]

Ross: (Opening their door and rushing in.) Monica? Rachel? You guys, get up!

Rachel: (As she and Monica come rushing out of their respective rooms to see what’s going on…) What are you doing here at (Looks at a clock.) 7:00 in the morning?!

Ross: You guys will never believe what just happened to me!

Monica: Then just tell us.

Ross: Okay. They found this really cool T-Rex bone in Ontario, and they want me to come on the dig to look for the rest of bones!

Rachel: Ross, honey, as happy as I am for you, why are you here this early to tell us?

Ross: Because I’m taking you (Points to Rachel.) with me, and I was hoping that Monica would come along!

Rachel: Wow, honey that’s so sweet! I’ll ask my boss today if I can get off work!

Monica: And since I am currently unemployed and have nothing better to do with my time, then, sure, I’ll go.

Ross: Great! I’m gonna go ask Chandler and Joey if they’ll come too!

Rachel/Monica: Okay. Bye.

(Ross exits. We hear him running into the guys’ apartment and them waking up screaming…well, I shouldn’t repeat some of the things that they scream…)

TIME LAPSE… ABOUT 5 MINUTES LATER…

Ross: So you guys’ll come?

Chandler: Yeah, sure. It’s not like they’ll miss me at work if I’m not there…

Joey: Yeah, and it’s not like I have anything better to do…

Ross: Great! So we’re all going!

TIME LAPSE… two hours later. Everyone is in Monica and Rachel’s kitchen eating breakfast.

Ross: Okay, this is great! Okay, our flight leaves Wednesday, so we have four days to get ready… I called this morning and got the tickets after I asked all you guys…

All: Okay/Sounds great…

TIME LAPSE… Four days later.

[Scene: The plane. All are there. These are the seating arrangements. Ross and Rachel are sitting together, behind them are Joey and Phoebe, and behind them are Chandler and Monica.]

Ross: So, this is like, our first trip that we’ve taken together!

Rachel: I know. I can’t believe I’m actually here with you…

Ross: Me neither…I can’t believe you actually gave me a chance. But I can’t even tell you how happy I am that you did. I love you.

Rachel: I love you, too.

(Various “aawww…’s” can be heard from the audience as the camera moves back to Joey and Phoebe.)

Joey: So, uh, Pheebs, will you massage my neck? I think I hurt it the other night with this girl…uh…well, I can’t think of her name, but some girl…

Phoebe: Sure… (He turns slightly so that she can reach his neck, and she begins to massage his neck.)

Joey: (Moaning.) Oh! Yeah! Oh, god, that feels good! Yeah, that’s the stuff! Yeah, baby, yeah! (Scattered moans along the way.)

(By now, obviously, people are staring at them, but they don’t seem to notice. The camera moves back to Chandler and Monica, who aren’t really talking to each other. Monica is looking out the window, and Chandler is reading a book…)

Monica: Wow, look at that…it’s so pretty!

Chandler: What?

Monica: The landscape…

Chandler: Oh.

Monica: (Yawns.) Wow, I must be really tired. I’m a little sleepy.

Chandler: (In a kind of rude way.) So go to sleep!

(Monica looks at him with a look that says, “you jerk”.)

TIME LAPSE… 20 minutes later… Monica has indeed, fallen asleep…on Chandler’s shoulder…

Chandler’s inner dialogue: Would she JUST get off of me! God, her head is like a lead brick! It’s killing me…(Turns his head a little, and his face gets planted right in her hair…he subconsciously sniffs it.)Hmm…what IS that shampoo? It smells good… Okay, now my arm is starting to go numb! She’s really hurting me! OW!

Flight Attendant: The plane will be landing in about 10 minutes. Please buckle your seatbelts and return your trays to an upright position. Thank you.

Chandler’s inner dialogue: Speaking of returning things to an upright position…

(And with that, he taps Monica a few times and she wakes up. She’s still a little dazed, so he reaches across her and buckles her seatbelt. Then he buckles his own.)



Part Two

TIME LAPSE… an hour later. They are checking into the hotel.

Ross: Okay, Rachel, here’s our key, Monica, here’s one for you and Phoebe, and Chandler, here’s one for you and Joey.

Joey: Actually, Ross, I’m gonna be needin’ my own room…

Ross: Why?

Joey: Well, I met this girl on the plane, and she’s gonna be here the whole time we are, and well…I would feel really bad kickin’ Chandler out in the hall every night.

Ross: Okay, then, uh, I guess I’ll go get another room for you. (He walks off, and then returns a few minutes later and hands Joey a key.) Here.

Joey: Thanks, man.

Ross: No problem.

(Everyone but Chandler and Monica walk off towards their rooms. Chandler stares after them for a minute, then sighs heavily.)

Chandler: Great. My best friend and roommate has deserted me now. I must be the biggest loser on the planet.

Monica: No, you’re not! My best friend and roommate deserted me to…ya know…my brother!

Chandler: (Smiling.) Yeah, I guess that’s worse…

Monica: (Smiling.) C’mon… we better go unpack.

Chandler: Hey, Mon?

Monica: Yeah?

Chandler: You wanna have dinner together tonight? Just the two of us? We haven’t done that since Joey moved in…

Monica: Yeah, remember? It was just me and you…no Ross…he was off with Carol…no Rachel, she was with Barry… no Joey, he was… well, where ever he was before he moved in… and no Phoebe, she was… well, somewhere, before she moved in with me… Sometimes, I miss things the way they were.

Chandler: Me too…

Monica: (Smiles.) So, uh, I’ll see you tonight at…?

Chandler: How about if I pick you up around 6:30?

Monica: Fine with me…I’m in Room 203.

TIME LAPSE… Chandler is getting ready to leave his room and pick Monica up. Cut to: shot of her getting ready. She’s fixing her hair, taking it down, then redoing it, then taking it down, then redoing it. Then trying to decide which pair of shoes to wear. She looks nervous and worried.

TIME LAPSE… 5 minutes later. Chandler is outside Monica’s hotel room door. He knocks, and a few seconds later Monica opens the door. She looks stunning, to say the least. Chandler’s jaw hits the floor.

Monica: Hi. Come on in. I’ll be ready in about two minutes. (She walks into the bathroom.)

(Chandler slowly walks into her room, dragging his jaw on the floor all the way.)

Chandler: (Staring at Monica as she enters from the bathroom.) Wow. You look beautiful.

Monica: Well, thank you.

(She walks over to him, and he holds out his arm, and she takes it. As they exit the room, Monica happens to get a glance of them together in a mirror.)

Monica’s inner dialogue: Wow. Not bad. We actually look kinda cute together. Gosh, Chandler’s kinda handsome! Who would’ve thought?

Chandler’s inner dialogue: Okay, just play it cool. You got her to go out with you, didn’t you? Just relax, and everything will be fine.

(They reach the lobby of the hotel, and they step outside.)

Chandler: (Stepping close to the curb.) TAXI!

(A taxi pulls over and he takes her hand (And by “takes her hand”, I don’t mean that they were holding hands, I just mean…well, think of when a guy takes a girl’s hand and kisses it. Ya know? He’s only holding her fingertips with his.) and helps her in, then goes around to the other side and gets in himself.)

Cab Driver: Where to?

Chandler: Fourth Street and Main. (I made those streets up, seeing as I have never been to Canada.)

Cab Driver: You got it.

(The cab ride is uneventful; so I’m not gonna write about it.)

TIME LAPSE…20 minutes later.

(Monica and Chandler are seated at a table in a nice looking restaurant.)

Chandler: (Raising his glass to give a toast.) Here’s to Ross’ boring job at the museum, without which, we would have never gotten to come here.

Monica: (Giggling.) Cheers! (They clink their glasses.)

Chandler’s inner dialogue: See, this isn’t so hard! You’ve known this girl for years! She’s your best friend! Just tell her how you feel and get it over with! You can do it! You’ve been doing pretty well so far. You’re being suave, sophisticated, hell, you’ve been downright charming! Score one for the Chan-Chan-Man!

Monica’s inner dialogue: I wonder what’s going on? Something’s wrong…Chandler’s acting weird…(Pause.) …er than usual…

Monica: Chandler? (This brings him snapping back to reality.) What’s wrong? You’re acting strange. Even more so than usual. What’s up? You know you can tell me! (She places her hand on top of his and gives it a reassuring squeeze.)

Chandler: (Sighing, knowing fully well, that there was no way he could lie about this. Not to her.) Monica? Have you ever known some one for a really long time, but then, one day, something happens that makes you think of them completely differently? (Off Monica’s confused look.) Well, remember that day last week, when I came home from work bummed, and you made my favorite desert, chocolate cake, just to surprise me?

Monica: Yeah. I just wanted you to feel better.

Chandler: (Smiling.) Well, I did. And then, that night, as I was lying in bed, I realized something that I guess I kinda always knew… I realized that I love you. And no, it’s not that I love it when you make me chocolate cake. It’s just that I love you. And I’ve known that since the day we met. I just never let myself think of you like that because you were my best friend’s little sister. Ya know? I felt like it wouldn’t be right. But I don’t care anymore. All I know is that I love you.

Monica: Wow. Uh…gee, I don’t know what to say!

Chandler: How about “I love you too”?

Monica: Well, maybe I do. Oh, my God! That’s it! That’s why I wanted to sit next to you on the plane, and that’s why I was so nervous about tonight, and that’s why I wanted to look so good! I think I love you! Oh, my God! I love you, Chandler!

Chandler: (Smiles.) Really?

Monica: Yeah.

Chandler: Will you be my girlfriend?

Monica: Of course!

Chandler: Good… (As he says that, they lean in for their first kiss. It’s deep, it’s passionate, and dear Lord, let’s just say I wish I were Monica. In other words, it was good.)

Monica: (As the kiss breaks.) Mm…(That is supposed to be a low moan, by the way.)

Chandler: (He’s looking at Monica with a look that says, “Well, was that good? Did I do it right?”) Wow.

Monica: (In her way.) I know!

(They continue kissing, hugging, touching, basically doing everything short of…you know.)

TIME LAPSE…10 minutes later…

Chandler: Uh, you wanna…leave? You know, uh, (Gulp.) go back to by room?

Monica: Sure…let’s go…(With that said, she places her hand on the inside of Chandler’s thigh…)

Chandler: Oh! (Moan.) CHECK! WAITRESS, I SAID CHECK!

(The waitress brings the check over.)

Chandler: (Weak smile; voice cracking.) Thanks.

(He places some money on the table, grabs Monica’s hand, and they LITTERALLY run out of the restaurant.)



Part Three

[Scene: Chandler’s hotel room. It’s empty, but as the scene begins, the door is thrown open and in run Chandler and Monica. He picks her up, kissing her all the way, and sets her down on the bed. They get under the covers and…well, do…it.]

[Scene: Joey’s hotel room. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed, alone.]

Joey’s inner dialogue: Ugh, this sucks! I can’t believe plane-girl had to go home! I mean, yeah, sure, her grandfather did die yesterday, but still! I’m so bored! I can’t believe I’m sitting here alone! Maybe I’ll go see if Chandler wants to go out to a bar and pick up chicks…

[Scene: Chandler’s hotel room. They are still doin’ it.]

Chandler: Oh!

Monica: (Moan.)

(The door swings open to reveal Joey. He opens the door, and sees Monica and Chandler and what they’re doing…)

Joey: Oh my God! What are you guys doing!

Chandler: (They of course stopped their…gettin’it on as soon as they heard his voice.) You saw nothing.

Monica: We did nothing.

Chandler: Get out.

Joey: Why? What? Who? You? That? Oh my God!

Monica: Out, Joey!

(Joey slowly turns, then stumbles out into the hall.)

Monica: Now, where were we?

Chandler: Hmm… I can’t remember…maybe we better start over… (Raises his eyebrows suggestively…)

Monica: Hmmm… I think you’re right…

(They continue their “love making”…)

TIME LAPSE…The next morning.

Monica: (Waking up, noticing Chandler staring at her intently.) Mm…Hi.

Chandler: Hey. Mornin’.

Monica: Back atcha. Hey…whatcha doin’?

Chandler: Huh?

Monica: Before I woke up? What were you doing?

Chandler: Oh. That. Well, I woke up really early this morning, and I looked over, and there you were. And I thought, now I finally know what it’s like to wake up next to the girl of your dreams and the love of your life.

Monica: Okay, that’s really sweet…and you deserve this…(Leans over and kisses him.) but, uh, that doesn’t answer my question…

Chandler: Well, let me finish. (He smiles.) When I realized that, I just kinda looked over at you and you looked so peaceful, so beautiful, so innocent, which, on a completely different subject, we both know you’re not… (Wink, wink.) But, uh, anyway, I’ve just been laying here watching you sleep.

Monica: Really? For how long?

Chandler: About an hour and a half.

Monica: Aawww… Chandler, that is so sweet!

Chandler: (Monica style…) I know!

Monica: So…how we gonna tell the guys? Oh, God. How are we gonna tell ROSS?!

Chandler: You let me handle that. Just follow my lead.

Monica: (Looking at him strangely.) Okay…

Chandler: Okay, first things first. I’m gonna walk you to your door because I’M a gentleman. Then I’m gonna come back here, shower and get dressed, which you will be doing in your room, then we will talk to Joey, make sure he won’t do anything stupid, then we head downstairs.

Monica: Okay. (He takes her hand and walks her to her hotel room, kisses her on the cheek and she goes in. He goes back into his.)



Part Four

TIME LAPSE…an hour later.

[Scene: A restaurant where the rest of the gang is having breakfast. Chandler and Monica enter holding hands.]

Monica: (Whispering.) So, you talked to Joey?

Chandler: Yeah, I took care of him.

(They reach the table, Chandler pulls out a chair for Monica and then takes a seat next to her.)

Monica/Chandler: Good morning.

Phoebe: Good morning. Monica? Where were you last night? You weren’t there when I went to sleep or when I woke up.

Monica: Well, I uh…see…I spent the night in someone else’s room…actually, I spent the night with a guy.

Rachel: Oh, who? Was he cute? Where’d ya meet him? When did ya meet him? Why didn’t you tell me about him?

Monica: Uh, okay, let’s see. Yeah, he’s cute. (Chandler grins.) I met him seven years ago. I didn’t tell you about him well, I don’t know why. I met him…at my house. And uh, I think that by that you can figure out who it was.

Rachel: Hmm… let’s see…seven years ago would’ve been…1987…wow, so you’ve known him a long time… at your house…huh. Who did you meet seven years ago at your house… Oh, my God! It’s… it’s… (Points at Chandler.) it’s HIM! Oh, my God! You did Chandler!

Ross: What? Monica is that true?

Monica: Yes.

Ross: (To Chandler.) Chandler? Can I see you outside for a sec?

Chandler: (Moves himself behind Monica for protection.) No, I’d rather stay in here, where it’s safe. And where there are witnesses.

Ross: How could you do this, man? You just don’t sleep with your friend’s sister.

Monica: Hey! I’m old enough to make my own decisions, Ross. Okay? I’m a big girl. And if I love Chandler and he loves me, then why can’t you be happy for us?

Ross: Because I know him. He hurts every girl he’s ever been with. Do you actually expect him to change, just for you?

Monica: Ross, you may think you know him, but you don’t know the Chandler that was there last night and was here this morning. He’s not like you think he is. Or, at least, he wasn’t with me…

Ross: Look, I know him. He’ll claim he loves you, but he’ll only use you. After you sleep with him, that’s it. He’s gone.

Monica: Oh, yeah? Is that why he watched me sleep for an hour and a half this morning? Is that why he has been such a gentleman to me this morning? He supposedly “got what he wanted” so why’s he still here, Ross? Huh? Huh? Since you know him better than anyone else does.

Chandler: Hold it! Hold it! (They stop arguing and look at him.) Look, Ross. I love Monica. If you don’t like it, then too bad. We’re adults and we can make our own decisions. Monica, I love you.

Monica: I love you, too. (They kiss.)

Ross: Oh, eeeewwww!

Monica/Chandler: Shut up.

Joey: Uh, I just wanna say that I caught ‘em doin’ more than that last night…

Ross: WHAT?!

Monica: (Whispering in Chandler’s ear.) Run!

Chandler: (Whispering back.) Meet me back at my hotel room. That’s where I’m gonna try to make it to. I love you.

Monica: I love you, too.

(Chandler takes off running, lightning speed.)

Ross: (Running after him.) YOU COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE PERVERTED TRAITOR!



Part Five

[Scene: Chandler’s hotel room. He’s there, alone. He’s sitting on the edge of the bed when there’s a knock at the door.]

Chandler: (Getting up and looking through the peep hole in the door.) Monica! Thank God!

(He swings the door open, Monica rushes in, he looks up and down the hall and then shuts and re-locks the door.)

Chandler: Mon, I love you, but, I’m scared that Ross will kill me.

Monica: Don’t you worry about Ross! I took care of him!

Chandler: You got him to accept us?

Monica: Well, not exactly… Let’s just say that he’s…(Pauses.) detained.

Chandler: What do you mean…detained.

Monica: Well, I, uh, kinda gave Rachel one of my sexiest pieces of lingerie, a bucket of strawberries, and a twenty. That should keep him occupied for awhile!

Chandler: (Smiling.) Good. Maybe I can keep you busy. (He starts to kiss her.)

(There’s a knock at the door.)

Chandler: Uh, (Kisses her shoulders.) who (Another kiss.) is (Another kiss.) it? (One more kiss for good measure.)

Ross: (Red-Ross-style.) It’s me! Ross! Chandler, I know you’re in there! And I bet Monica’s in there too, since she isn’t in her room! Chandler, you just keep your hands, lips, and everything else that is part of you to yourself! You just stay away from her!

Monica: What?! I’m gonna kill Rachel! I gave her lingerie, strawberries, and a twenty to seduce you! God, can’t she do anything right?

Ross: You what?! Well, now after I kill Chandler, I’ll have to maim you, too!

Monica: Ross, go away!

Ross: No! Now open this door so I can come in and kill you and get it over with!

Chandler: If you kill me, you’ll kill your sister’s only chance at true love, because I’m the only one who can love her like I do. There will never be anyone who cares about her as much as I do! Ross, I love her. Get used to it!

Ross: Monica? Is that true?

Monica: Yes. Very. (Takes Chandler’s hand.)

Ross: Then let me in…

Chandler: No! You’ll kill me!

Ross: No, I won’t just let me in. I promise.

Monica: You swear?

Ross: Yes!

Monica: (Warily.) Okay… (She goes to the door and slowly unlocks it.)

(The door slowly opens and Ross enters VERY slowly. Ross walks over to Chandler and then, slowly, sticks out his hand.)

Ross: Congratulations.

Chandler: (Obviously shocked.) Uh…Thanks, man.

Monica: Thanks, Ross.

Ross: I love you both. (Pauses.) Well, I guess I better go now, and uh, you know, let you two get back to what you were doing…

Monica: (Smiling.) Thanks, Ross. I know how hard that was for you.

Ross: No, you don’t. You never will. But that’s okay. You don’t need to know.

Monica: (Sighing.) Whatever…I’m just glad that you’ve accepted this.

Ross: Yeah… I’m gonna go now.

Monica/Chandler: Bye.

(Ross walks towards the door, turns around and takes a long look at Monica and Chandler, turns back around, we see him shake his head and sigh. He then shuts the door behind him.)

Chandler: Thank you for saving my tush.

Monica: I had to…

Chandler: Huh?

Monica: I couldn’t have lived without this cute little tushie!

Chandler: Mm…(Pauses while he thinks for something to say.) Well, uh, oh, never mind, this isn’t a time for words…it’s a time for this… (Pulls her into a really passionate kiss. Within ten seconds he has pulled her down onto the bed and they get under the covers. You can guess what happens next…we’ll just leave them alone now.)

[Scene: Ross and Rachel’s hotel room. She is lying on the bed in apparently what is the article of lingerie that Monica lent her, with a bucket of strawberries next to her. Ross enters and she pops a strawberry into her mouth. He walks over, sits down on the bed, and she pops one into his mouth.]

Rachel: Shh…don’t speak. I know how you must feel. Let me make you feel better… (With that she climbs onto his lap, pops a strawberry in his mouth, and let’s just say that we have to leave them alone now, too.)

[Joey’s room. He’s alone. Again.]

Joey’s inner dialogue: God, this sucks. I’m alone…again! Ross has Rachel, now Chandler has Monica, me and Pheebs are the only two that haven’t gotten any on this trip! Speaking of Pheebs, I haven’t talked to her in a while. I think I’ll go over to her room and talk to her.

[Scene: Phoebe and Monica’s hotel room (Even though Monica sure hasn’t used it since they got there!). Phoebe is there alone watching something on T.V… she’s laying on the bed, under the covers. Joey enters as the scene begins.]

Joey: Hey, Pheebs.

Phoebe: Hey, Joey.

Joey: Whatcha doin’?

Phoebe: Just watching this movie on T.V… I’m a little lonely, though. You wanna watch it with me?

Joey: Yeah, sure! (He walks over to her bed and she lifts up the covers for him to get under, all the while, keeping her eyes glued to the screen.)

TIME LAPSE…the next morning. Apparently, they fell asleep. They wake up with Phoebe resting her head on Joey’s shoulder.

Joey: Mornin’!

Phoebe: Mornin’.

Joey: Ya sleep good?

Phoebe: Yeah! Best nights sleep I ever had!

Joey: Ya know, this is nice.

Phoebe: What?

Joey: (Smiling.) Waking up next to you…

Phoebe: Aww…Joey, that’s sweet.

Joey: (Monica style.) I know! Well, anyway, I better go…ya know, take a shower, get dressed…well, see ya later.

Phoebe: Yeah, bye.

(Joey gets out of bed and leaves…Phoebe stares after him for a moment, then gets out of bed and heads for the shower.)

*THE END*



Epilogue: The After Math

Okay. This is basically what happened after they went to Canada. Now this isn’t in script form, but hey, give me credit. Anyway, uh, it’s pretty sappy, and the time lines may not make sense. In fact, I’m pretty sure that they don’t. Just read it and enjoy it for what it is: the writings of some one at 11:26 at night who is really tired, out of ideas, sleepy, and who thinks she may have carpal tunnel. Anyway, just read it and enjoy it…on with the…whatever you want to call it.

About six months after they returned from Canada, Chandler proposed to Monica. They were married a year later, and ten months after the wedding, their first child was born. It was a boy. When he was three months old, Monica discovered that she was pregnant again. This time, she gave birth to twin girls. When the girls were born, they moved out of apartment 20, and into what was Monica’s parent’s house in Long Island. One year after the move, Monica gave birth to their fourth and final child: a boy. Chandler stayed at his job until he retired. He was promoted many times, and got many raises. Monica left her job after their first child was born, because she couldn’t stand to leave their kids. Monica and Chandler are still very much in love, and although things between Chandler and Ross were never the same, Ross was the best man at their wedding.

After Monica and Chandler got married, Ross moved into Chandler’s old room in apartment 19. Soon after, Ross and Rachel broke up. But, on a trip to the beach, they made up. They got married about a year later, and Rachel is currently pregnant with their first child. Rachel was the maid of honor at Monica and Chandler’s wedding.

Joey asked Phoebe to move in with him after Ross moved out when he got married. They would often spend the night in each other’s rooms watching TV late at night or just talking. Many times, they fell asleep in each other’s beds. When they would wake up, they’d always comment on how nice it was. A few years later, while Phoebe was in Central Perk, she spotted David, the scientist guy who moved to Minsk. They got to talking, and started dating again. They were married a year and a half later, and they moved into apartment 20 across the hall from Joey. After their wedding, Joey realized that he was in love with Phoebe and fell into a state of depression. He lived alone for two years until he was reunited with Kathy in a play that they both had parts in. They fell in love, and for the first time in his life, Joey made a real commitment to a girl. He asked her to marry him two years after they restarted dating. They were married a year and a half later, and besides their first child that was born a year after they started dating, they have two other children, plus one on the way. Although Joey still loves Phoebe, he loves Kathy very much. In fact, more than he loved Phoebe. He is finally over Phoebe, but whenever he sees Phoebe and David (They live across the hall, remember.) together, and how happy they are, he still feels a pang of jealousy, but it quickly passes when he remembers how lucky and happy he is.

So, that’s how things turned out for the friends. Oh, and also, Phoebe and Joey are the closest of all the non-married to each other, and the non-related of the group, they all still keep in touch and see each other regularly. All of them were there for each of the couple’s children’s births. They all still care about each other, and still think of the others as their best and truest friends in the world.





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